Michelle Obama's Mirror

Our Most Populist President Ever

2012-01-28T23:54:00.000-05:00

Just like you guys, I spread it around every day too!

I’m not sure we’re going to get to the bottom of the TOTUS hacking incident. Personally, I think TOTUS was just messing with Big Guy because he was getting bored. After all, he’s been stuck scrolling the same populist stump speech for both Big Guy and Lady M – churning out class warfare rhetoric to thunderous applause, for weeks on end now. It’s getting a little stale.

I want this to be a big, bold, generous country where everybody gets a fair shot, everybody is doing their fair share, everybody is playing by the same set of rules.

On the Peoples’ Farm all animals are equal, butt some are more equal than others

Of course TOTUS does do a little customizing, depending on the special interests of the group on deck: that’s known as target marketing.

Do we want to keep these tax cuts for folks like me who don’t need them?

Or do we want to invest in the things that will help us in the long term – like (fill in the blank…)

For example, with our Hispanic fans, we talk about immigration reform,

Mi plato es su plato

for business groups – less red tape,

Hi! I’m from the government, and I’m here to help.

for the Greenies, clean energy -

Yay! Natural Gas! Butt no fracking! Or pipelines. Otherwise, go ahead.

and for students – we offer more grants, aid and cheaper tuition.

Butt you’re on your own when it comes to finding a job

Butt then, towards the end of the student stump speech at the University of Michigan last week we added a new twist:

But we also understand that we’re not successful just by ourselves. We’re successful because somebody started the University of Michigan. (Applause.)

We’re successful because somebody made an investment in all the federal research labs that created the Internet.[H/T: Al Gore] We’re successful because we have an outstanding military -- that costs money.

We’re successful because somebody built roads and bridges and laid broadband lines. And these things didn’t just happen on their own.

That meme - “nobody does it on their own” - sounds familiar; where have I heard that before, only with better grammar and syntax? Oh yes, last September from one of Big Guy’s surrogates running for the Senate: Elizabeth “there’s nobody in this country who got rich on his own” Warren.

Czarina Elizabeth Warren with Big Guy and Turbo Timmy

"You built a factory out there? Good for you. But I want to be clear: you moved your goods to market on the roads the rest of us paid for; you hired workers the rest of us paid to educate; you were safe in your factory because of police forces and fire forces that the rest of us paid for. You didn't have to worry that marauding bands would come and seize everything at your factory, and hire someone to protect against this, because of the work the rest of us did."

While there’s a point in there somewhere, I’m not sure she’s right about the factory owners not having to worry about marauding bands coming to seize everything they have:

One way to spread the wealth around: Occupy a jewelry store!

Apparently some of the OWIES have taken the call to class warfare seriously, and have decided to take matters into their own hands:

The Occupy Oakland crowd, last night, taking it to the streets

And since class warfare has been officially declared, we’re sending all of our surrogates out to spread the message. Here’s Valarie “people didn’t get wealthy alone” Jarrett taking up the mantra last Wednesday with Reverend Al:

They know that people didn't get wealthy alone. They got wealthy because they live in a country that where a government is doing what it's supposed to do. Educates our children, it provides infrastructure, roads and bridges. It provides the research dollars for science and technology.

To demonstrate, let’s explore how Val became wealthy, because I assure you she didn’t do it “alone.” First, she had the help of Chicago Mayor Harold Washington when she worked for him, which landed her in the office of the even more powerful Mayor Richard Daley. As you know, life isn’t an even playing field. Nobody, especially nobody of color, can WTF without special connections, arrangements, strings, cords and opportunities. And Valerie Jarrett used all of the above to ~~collect~~ earn her way into the 1% club so she could help others get there too.

And just as her high powered contacts landed her high paying jobs and seats on powerful state and corporate boards, she used her contacts to help many others. For example, she returned the favors she was shown by using her acquired power to help other deserving little people. Like the partners in Rezmar, Tony Rezko and Dan Mahru who – until they got rich with the help of Val and others in the Daley ~~machine~~ administration – were just a couple of the 99%-ers selling snacks on the city’s beaches. With proper “help” however, they were able to turn into wealthy “developers” by renovating and managing ~~slums~~ low income housing projects for the city of Chicago. And all they needed to be a little more equal than others was a little help!

In true pay it forward fashion, Tony Rezko helped many others get more equal too. In fact, he came to be known in Chicago as a political “fixer.” Which means roughly “helping others get wealthy.”

Tony, Bill and Hill: the “helping others get rich” meme has been around for a long time.

Most notably, Tony – who was just another guy in the neighborhood – is known for “helping” BO and MO buy a nicer house then they could afford, thus making them a little wealthier. That’s just the way it works. I’m sure everybody already knows all about this, because it was covered extensively when Big Guy was running for president. Right?

Tony, of course, is now serving 10+ years in the federal hoosegow on felony charges. Something about “using his connections to state boards to demand kickbacks.” I’m pretty sure Val didn’t have anything to do with those “connections to state boards” because she’s not been charged with anything. And she’s smarter than Tony.

Tony deserves to be in jail for his crimes, Not only did he break the “helping'” chain, he violated the first rule of people whose wealth came about as a result of other peoples “help.” He got caught.

This effectively takes Tony out of the “helping” others get rich quick pool for awhile

And now his former partner, Dan Mahru, has been disbarred for defrauding his own mother. The charges are for embezzling the trust set up to provide for her long term care. So it’s all probably a big misunderstanding. What kind of a person would do a thing like that? Although, he may have thought she would have no use for the fund, now that Obamacare will be taking care of her.

As far as Elizabeth goes, I don’t know who helped her get into the 1% club. All I know is that she is a member, and membership has its privileges. She came from humble beginnings – as most wealthy Democrats seem to – and is now living in a $5 million house and holds a stock portfolio worth nearly $8 million. Since she and her husband have both been college professors I guess it’s possible they just earned it – without anybody’s help. Although that seems to undermine her argument a bit.

So maybe this is the new American Story: from pulling yourself up by your bootstraps to whining about America’s power and strength.

From Horatio Alger -

to Noam Chomsky in one short century

Hugo touting Noam’s Hegemony or Survival: do you need to know any more?

I don’t see how this ends well.

TOTUS GOES ROGUE

2012-01-28T10:19:00.001-05:00

As you can see frozen on TOTUS’ screen below, we have a situation here at the Big White. TOTUS went rogue at the end of Big Guy’s comments the other day and slipped in a George W. Bushism (2 G-words in 1 read) which Big Guy read right out loud.

Now we’re in lockdown, and everyone’s scrambling to find out who hacked into TOTUS to insert those words at the end of Big Guy’s ~~read~~ speech.

Due to the gravity of the situation, I’ll be unable to use the innertubes around here until this afternoon. Please check back later when, hopefully, we’ll have everything back to our godless normalcy.

Say a little prayer for TOTUS.

Frackin’ Genius

2012-01-27T10:37:00.001-05:00

With only 9 months to go, both Lady M and Big Guy will be busy sacrificin’ nearly every day between now and next November. Accordingly, Lady M was in battleground Florida yesterday in her seams-on-the-outside Jason Wu making an impassioned plea for the Hispanic vote:

In case you were wondering how to translate the helpful USDA “MyPlate” into Spanish, here you go!

We’ve teamed up with Goya Foods, who agreed to provide the Hispanic community with ~~propaganda~~ information on Lady M’s ideas for proper nutrition in exchange for Obamacare waivers and a future draft pick. And you can hear how passionate she is about our Hispanic fat behinds: “Everything that Goya is doing – from the MiPlato posters and pamphlets to cookbooks and recipes – center around the idea that we parents can make simple changes to help their children lead healthier lives.” I’m not sure, butt I think that’s probably proper syntax in Spanish.

In the meantime BO was on the road in Las Vegas and Colorado touting his Clean Energy 2.0 plan. Since all of our solar/wind/battery investments are going belly-up, we’ve moved on to hawking clean natural gas! Did you know that trucks can be converted (at great cost) to run on natural gas? Of course, natural gas refueling stations are not yet widely available on the intercontinental highways criss-crossing America. Butt that just opens up another opportunity for ~~crony capitalism~~ more ~~federal spending~~ investment in our energy future while mortgaging our children’s future.

And as luck would have it, guess who’s heavily invested in the only company positioned to do those diesel engine conversions to run on natural gas? George Soros! While you might think that smacks of the same old crony capitalism butt it’s really just a coincidence. Georgie (as Big Guy refers to him) is just about one of the most prescient businessmen around.

So anyway, now that we are totally on board with "…an all-out, all-in, all-of-the-above strategy that develops every source of American energy" (except oil and coal of course). Butt watch out, because when the Greenies discover that all of this “all-out, all-in, all-of-the-above” strategy involves fracking, they’ll raise a fracking ruckus! Just like they did about the Keystone XL and that will put us right back to solar cells, windmills and mice on treadmills.

Anyway, Big Guy’s wrapping up this week’s battle ground state ~~campaign~~ jobs and economic recovery tour with a speech at the University of Michigan, in the People’s Republic of Ann Arbor, before returning for a little R&R ahead of next week’s battle.

BTW, I see we’ve adopted the all-out all-in red shirt campaign. Again, I take issue with the slogan writers around here: “I’m Fired Up”? Isn’t that expression from, like, back in the 70’s?

Do we really want to remind our countrymen of that decade? When just about everything that could break was broken? I think not.

Danger! Danger! Remember: If you break it, we own it.

I would like to take this opportunity to pass on Lady M’s good advice, slightly paraphrased : “We voters can make simple changes to help our children live better lives.”

I thought she wanted to win???

Linked By: MaileO on The Daily Caller, Thanks!

Turkey Day: Thin skinned, Breasts and Necks. Mmm, mmm mmm!

2012-01-26T12:19:00.001-05:00

Having successfully kicked off our campaign season on Tuesday night, we took the show on the road yesterday. As always, there were critics:

Big Guy took the opportunity yesterday to express his displeasure with Governor Brewer’s review of his performance. I guess he must have been absent from leadership class the day they covered Henry Ford II’s #1 Rule: “Never complain, never explain.”

Maybe I’ll talk with Chef Comfy here at the Big White, and have her include more foods rich in biotin. I understand that’s good for the skin. It may help with all the thin skin syndrome on display around here lately .

Butt I get ahead of myself: first campaign stop was in Cedar Rapids Iowa where he visited Conveyor Engineering and Manufacturing. And just between you and me – I think I’d find a new advance man for these industrial tours. I just don’t think our current team is thinking these photo ops through very well.

Yes sir, that is one giant screw.

Why don’t you sent me about a hundred gross. You can bill the American taxpayer.

Then we were on to Phoenix (see above for our arrival). There we visited the site of a new, huge Intel plant where they’re going to make more of those little Intel chips that power your PC.

BO, TOTUS: right at home with his erector sets in Chandler, AZ.

After that chilly meeting on the tarmac, things went quite well. And the construction workers at the plant even got a day off!

Construction ground to a halt for the day

Unfortunately without pay….

More than 1,500 workers were asked to stay home for security reasons as the president toured the future site of a $5-billion Intel manufacturing facility in Chandler.

The workers will not be paid for the forced day off.

It’s not as though this sort of thing has never happened before. Why, just last May workers were furloughed without pay for security reasons when Big Guy visited…uh, Solyndra. Never mind.

Butt look at the upside: next week we can take credit for putting 1500 union employees back to work!

On the local front, Lady M was busy with her campaign yesterday too. She went to Parklawn Elementary School to discuss our No Child’s Fat Behind program.

Marching in the lunch line: Mmmm! Yummies just ahead!

And to prove that the food being served in the SEIU Healthy Eats program is actually edible, contrary to reports coming out of our California encampment, Lady M joined the lunch crowd.

Turkey Tacos - mmmm, mmm mmm!

Making Lady M’s visit even more special was the fact that she was accompanied by mutual Oprah gal pal, celebrity chef Rachael Ray. Wow! At least it was someone who use to be Rachael Ray.

Becoming Rachael Ray:

Man! Doesn’t anybody keep the face God gave them any more?

or, the boobies?

Well, I guess there is Nancy Pelosi: the boobie that San Francisco has kept in office for a gazillion years now. Of course she does keep changing her face, so maybe they don’t really know it’s still her.

Nan, 2010: The real reason vampires stay out of the sunlight

San Fran Nan yesterday: the only original parts are the boobies

H/T 2 old crabs

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, Thanks!

This SOTU proudly brought to you by the Soros Fund

2012-01-25T12:57:00.001-05:00

Lady M wore a gorgeous new, blue fitted Tfank dress for Big Guy’s first, historic third State of the ~~Campaign~~ Union read last night:

Everything else was apparently recycled:

Big Guy’s opening was strong: he took credit for killing Osama Bin Laden and weakening the Taliban.

He even remembered to thank the small people who were really responsible:

These achievements are a testament to the courage, selflessness and teamwork of America’s Armed Forces. At a time when too many of our institutions have let us down, they exceed all expectations. They’re not consumed with personal ambition. They don’t obsess over their differences. They focus on the mission at hand. They work together.

It was pretty much downhill from there. Because while Big Guy is all about focusing, everyone else around here seems to be consumed with “personal ambition and obsessing over their differences instead of focusing on the mission at hand.”

So anyway, BO declined to talk about the rest of our successful initiatives: lowering the cost of health care (up 18%), lowering the cost of gasoline (up 84%) lowering the cost of...well, you get the idea. Nor did he take credit for all the money we’ve pumped into alternate energy (Solyndra, et al), or for all the guns his BATF took out of circulation here in the US by sending them to Mexico. Butt I guess you can’t spend too much time bragging when there are still so many fish to fry.

So here’s a very short wrap up of the major themes from last night:

Blame Bush: “It was wrong. It was irresponsible. And it plunged our economy into a crisis that put millions out of work, saddled us with more debt, and left innocent, hardworking Americans holding the bag. In the six months before I took office, we lost nearly 4 million jobs.” i.e. it’s really all Bush’s fault, like I’ve been telling you for 3 years now.
Blame the rich: “Right now, because of loopholes and shelters in the tax code, a quarter of all millionaires pay lower tax rates than millions of middle-class households. Right now, Warren Buffett pays a lower tax rate than his secretary.” i.e. they need to pay their fair share. Are you listening Mitt?
Blame Congress: “As long as I’m president, I will work with anyone in this chamber to build on this momentum. But I intend to fight obstruction with action, and I will oppose any effort to return to the very same policies that brought on this economic crisis in the first place.” i.e. I’ll end run you and do it myself if I have to. That’s what executive orders and recess appointments were created for. Can you hear me now?
New regulation: “That’s why we need smart regulations to prevent irresponsible behavior." i.e. like buying a house you can’t afford. Or incandescent light bulbs.
More clean energy: “Some technologies don’t pan out; some companies fail. But I will not walk away from the promise of clean energy.” i.e. I’m going to continue to spend tax dollars on the alternate-energy companies I like. And I like all of them that have bundled adequate campaign funds. And I love you, Greenies!!
More education for all. “Higher education can’t be a luxury -– it is an economic imperative that every family in America should be able to afford.” i.e. we’ll send your kid to college no matter what his interests or abilities. Because It’s only fair. And I love you 18-30 somethings!!
More immigration reform: “We should be working on comprehensive immigration reform right now.” i.e. I love you Hispanics!! Legal and undocumented!!

Fair this, square that, change the rules: I guess you have all heard this before. The SOTU has become somewhat of an anachronism that has outlived it’s usefulness in the age of the innertubes where everyone who cares, knows everything as soon as it happens and sometimes before.

So if we’re just going to use this soap box as a major campaign address, maybe we should bundle some sponsors and rename it: Maybe the “Goldman Sachs State of the Union Address” or the “General Motors State of the Union” or possibly even the “Berkshire Hathaway State of the un-Union”. That way we could stop pretending to be post partisan, and raise some serious dough.

Butt as it was, Big Guy’s rather ho-hum recycled ~~read~~ speech had even the loyalists reacting in a bit of a “been there, done that” fashion:

…and speaking of fashion: that brings me back to Lady M and her courtesans.

Lady M, in her box surrounded by all of last night’s political hostages

While Lady M was entertaining our political guests, including Warren Buffet’s overtaxed secretary, in her box Big Guy was down working the floor. He took time out to air kiss his secretary and thank her and her team for sending in the SEALS to rescue the political hostages in Somalia last night.

Anyway, a whole 65 minute speech, and only one mention of our Winning the Future plan, and that in a rather strange context: “Don’t let other countries win the race for the future.” WTF? We Can’t Wait! How are we going to give everyone a fair shot at their fair share if we don’t Win the Future? WTF?

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Attercliffe on Lucianne.com, Thanks!

SOTU: It’s Not Just A Drinking Game Anymore

2012-01-24T10:50:00.000-05:00

I’m sorry for misleading you on the SOTU – I was so anxious I got ahead of myself. Of course Big Guy’s first, historic, third the State of the Union speech is tonight! How could Big Guy give the most important speech of this campaign season on the same day he entertained the Stanley Cup winners (minus their goalie)?

What? All I get is a puck? How about one of those Stanley Cups?

Seriously, I’m sorry for misleading you yesterday. If I had just checked Lady M’s schedule it would have been obvious that the big Speech wasn’t until today: her special detox and body wrap session is booked for this morning and Derrick Rutledge isn’t scheduled to perform his $15k/day artistry on Lady M until this afternoon.

The results of Derrick’s handiwork (with as assist to the in-house ‘shoppers)

He’s already lined up for next week too when Lady M will be appearing on the Jay Leno show (officially to talk about our No Child’s Fat Behind program, butt unofficially to kickoff of our official campaign season.)

Anyway, back to Big Guy’s speechifying. He kept his calendar free today in order to put the last minute spins recommended from the final round of input from our team of pollsters who were still busy as of late last night testing ideas for CHANGE with likely voters. You may wonder how we can incorporate such last minute ideas into Big Guy’s speech. Let’s just say we’re all professionals around here, and with the benefit of a staff of professional writers and TOTUS we can hang loose and be flexible. Something that George W. Bush was never able to do because his ideas seemed to be set in stone.

I can’t give you a draft of the speech, butt the talking points are already out there for our media lapdogs to start writing supportive copy. Here’s the Cliff Notes preview of his Teddy Roosevelt “Do-nothing Congress, so I’ll do it myself” speech:

• In Osawatomie, Kansas, the president talked about how this is a make or break moment for the middle class, and about how we can go in two directions. Less opportunity and less fairness — or where the president believes we need to go: building an economy that works for everyone, not just a wealthy few.

• Building off the themes of the Kansas speech, the State of the Union will lay out a “Blueprint for an America built to last.” The blueprint will be supported by four pillars: 1) American Manufacturing; 2) American Energy; 3) Skills for American Workers and 4) American Values.

• American Manufacturing: He will lay out proposals for how we’ll bring about a new era of American manufacturing, with more good jobs and more products stamped Made in the USA. Proposals will include tools that will help American small businesses to compete and grow.

• American Energy: He will present a new era for American energy — an economy fueled by homegrown and alternative energy sources that will be designed and produced by American workers.

• Skills for American Workers: The speech will include new ideas for how we’ll make sure our students and workers get the education and training they need so that we have a workforce ready to take on the jobs of today and tomorrow.

• American Values: And most importantly, the president will call for a return to American Values – of fairness for all, and responsibility from all.

What to expect: populism on steroids. It will include broad-based tax reform (tax the rich more, everyone else, less – that’s a fair shake) mortgage refinancing (Eat the banks, that’s fair), higher taxes on upper earners (duh!), and an expiration of the Bush tax cuts (hello - “Bush” tax cuts?).

Whew! It’s going to be another doozy. And I’m not just talking about Lady M’s frock.

I’m sorry, I’ve got to run as it’s a busy day for me too, as you might imagine. The big reveals are always tense.

And sometimes they’re downright scary:

I see that many of you are too busy this evening to watch Big Guy’s book report, so I’ll do my best to recap tomorrow. Butt if you want to have fun, play the hot new game, “Name Big Guy’s First SOTU Cliché: 2012 Edition.” I’m sure the prizes are spectacular, and they are even giving odds! Butt remember, it’s not a drinking game, although I don’t believe the rules prohibit a martini or two while playing. Just be careful out there.

To busy to watch Big Guy’s SOTU speech this year

We Are Not Worthy.

2012-01-23T11:01:00.001-05:00

Believe me, I’d like to let this drop. Butt apparently no one else does.

This time it’s MoDo over at the NYT. Did you see this? It’s Maureen off her meds again. We haven’t seen this level of fear and loathing from her since the unhinged “Bushie" bashing days.

It’s a long hard road for some people without anti-depressants and wrinkle cream

As far as I can tell her only point is to vent. Big Guy hasn’t turned out to be precisely the savior and messiah she had invested in. Which is odd, because with BO, past performance WAS, indeed, a guarantee of future results. It’s just that so few people of her acquaintance ever bothered to check out his past.

Butt I digress. Apparently no one ever warned MoDo to beware of false gods. Here she is at her finest, whining that everything she had projected onto America’s Savior turns out to have been just that: shadows on the wall of the cave.

Watch Maureen go rogue:

For eight seconds, we saw the president we had craved for three years: cool, joyous, funny, connected.

Some worry more about what it is he’s connected too

She’s referring of course to Big Guy’s decidedly un-presidential impersonation of Al Green to his “fans” at the Apollo fundraiser last week (here, if you were fortunate enough to have somehow missed it and wish to end your lucky streak).

“I, I’m so in love with you,” Barack Obama crooned to a thrilled crowd at a fund-raiser at the Apollo in Harlem on Thursday night, doing a seductive imitation as Al Green himself looked on. (snip)

The man who came to Washington on a wave of euphoria has had a presidency with all the joy of a root canal, dragged down by W.’s recklessness and his own inability to read America’s panic and its thirst for a strong leader.

Poor Maureen, she can’t help herself: the “Bushies” started this ruination of America for her, and she will never let you forget it. Butt we move on.

In an interview with Fareed Zakaria for this week’s Time cover story, the president is maddeningly naïve.

I will smite all things I deem to be evil with my light sabre. I am awesome.

How could he not be naïve, at least politically? After all, he arrived at the top of the heap with only 2 other political victories, and both of them were bought, paid for and delivered by the Chicago Mob. Big Guy never even had to get his hands dirty. Even Lady M pointed out that “he was a man, not a prophet, and he hadn’t yet achieved much.” Maybe MoDo should have listened to MO more, and BO not so much.

Asked about his cool, aloof style and his unproductive relationship with John Boehner, Obama replied: “You know, the truth is, actually, when it comes to Congress, the issue is not personal relationships. My suspicion is that this whole critique has to do with the fact that I don’t go to a lot of Washington parties. And as a consequence, the Washington press corps [ed. let the record reflect that he did not refer to the press corps as press ‘corpse’] maybe just doesn’t feel like I’m in the mix enough with them, and they figure, well, if I’m not spending time with them, I must be cold and aloof. The fact is, I’ve got a 13-year-old and 10-year-old daughter.”

Boy, I hope other people don’t read that as a cold, aloof reproach of the press. If you wanted to get picky, you could even describe it as dismissive, sometimes even derisive. It seems to imply that the press ought to be spending more time with their families as well.

MoDo doesn’t mention that not chatting up the press at various soirees around town was one of George W Bush’s capital offenses too. Instead, she rewinds back to Ronnie who didn’t swill cocktails with the press either.

Reagan didn’t socialize with the press. He spent his evenings with Nancy, watching TV with dinner trays. But he knew that to transcend, you can’t condescend.

Ouchie! Did she just infer that Big Guy is…condescending?

What do you want now, little man?

The portrait of the first couple in Jodi Kantor’s new book, “The Obamas,” bristles with aggrievement and the rational president’s disdain for the irrational nature of politics, the press and Republicans.

Let’s see; “disdain for the irrational nature of politics, the press and Republicans.” Some might call that sort of thing peevishness. Or maybe it’s just naiveté.

Is “just wanting to eat your waffle” peevish? Or naïve?

And then there’s this:

Despite what his rivals say, the president and the first lady do believe in American exceptionalism — their own,

Whoa! That one stopped me dead in my tracks. I thought I might have written it myself! Thank goodness I hadn’t.

…and they feel overassaulted and underappreciated. We disappointed them.

As Michelle said to Oprah in an interview she did with the president last May: “I always told the voters, the question isn’t whether Barack Obama is ready to be president. The question is whether we’re ready. And that continues to be the question we have to ask ourselves.”

They still believed, as their friend Valerie Jarrett once said, that Obama was “just too talented to do what ordinary people do.”

Now that’s won I can get onboard with. Big Guy took a demotion to accept the job of POTUS, and, in spite of Lady M reminding us almost daily, we just don’t seem to appreciate how big a sacrifice that is.

What a bunch of ignorant, shallow, self-absorbed ingrates! Shame on us!

I think MoDo will probably feel better after Big Guy’s SOTU speechifying tonight. Instead of blaming the press, he’s going to blame the Do-Nothing Congress. Who can’t get on board with that?

The Professor is in: Tonight he will explain how things work in Washington, and why nothing is his fault.

H/T Blonde Gator

Get out of here! And take your little dog with you.

2012-01-22T15:35:00.001-05:00

Heavens, it’s nearly impossible to keep a good, sordid story under wraps in this new media age.

I’m not talking about Marianne Gingrich dishing on Newt’s swinging days, nor Newt’s dishing on Mitt’s tax returns (Which, I understand, when finally released will reveal that he paid all his taxes, on time. Which begs the question: is America ready for a President so straight he doesn’t even cheat on his taxes?).

No, what I’m talking about is Ms. Jodi Kantor’s ongoing ode to all things Obama. I know - it almost seems like a regular installment now. Butt Jodi’s book, originally written as an in-kind gift to Campaign Obama 2012, seems to have been woefully misinterpreted – most notably by Lady M herself. I guess Ms. Jodi, in her zeal to make MO appear like a real person inadvertently sandwiched a bit too much truth between the fatuous layers of awesomeness that make up the Wons.

So lets not fret over the Republican primaries when we can be entertained by a few more fun facts from the little Obama book of HOPE. This time, compliments of the ever vigilant Daily Mail: seeking out the most salacious gossip from around the world so you don’t have to. Let the sniping begin:

Most political wives would give their right arm to be chatelaine of America’s most famous building. But Michelle was far from enamoured with the prospect of moving to the White House.

It’s okay, butt it needs a little makeover

Big White, under wraps for renovations

Her decision to hire trendy designer Michael Smith — who had decorated houses for Steven Spielberg and Rupert Murdoch — to refurbish the White House caused tension.

Michael Smith with his post-racial “family” – he was a natural for the job of redecorating the Big White

In fact, she was considering living in Chicago with their daughters Sasha and Malia for six months, commuting to Washington for occasional official duties.

The new leader of the free world was aghast. The woman he had lauded in his speech for her ‘unyielding support’ and described as ‘my best friend for the past 16 years, the rock of our family, the love of my life, the nation’s next First Lady’ did not see the need to be at his side in the White House.

Big Guy unexpectedly runs into his best friend returning to the West Wing on her birthday last week and Time photographer captures the warm, touching (almost) moment.

As they say: if you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. I don’t think I better say any more.

Although not wanting to move into the Big White with Big Guy shouldn’t have come as a surprise. After all, we’d already established that he was stinky and snorey; not to mention hopey, changey – and sometimes kind of dopey too.

But those who had known the couple through occasionally rocky times and constant friction over the demands of his political career found this latest conflict…easier to understand.

Its revelations about tensions in the Obama marriage — and how they reverberated through the White House — have gripped America, even more so after Michelle went on a CBS talk show this week to claim the book was just the latest attempt to portray her as ‘some angry black woman’.

When in fact we all know that MO is really just a very schtrong woman.

Bring it, sucka!

It was Michelle who had decided the family would join the church of the notorious pastor Jermiah Wright, who has been described as having anti-American and anti-white views.

Obama family at the Reverend Wright’s Trinity Church, back when he was still considered a political asset: Rev. Wright that is

Here are some of the lesser-known quotes from the Rev. Jeremiah Wright. I guess I can see why some people would describe him as having “anti-American” views. Butt remember, Big Guy didn’t really listen while he was sitting in the pews anyway. A habit that he later brought to Washington with him.

Oh, and here’s a little seen photo of a lower profile member of The Rev’s church: also working on the Won’s campaign.

The Rev greets church member Bill Ayers at the Won’s rally. (Note: apparently membership at Trinity does not require belief in God. It’s more of a political thing.)

Still, both Big Guy and Lady M were surprised by this:

She was also depicted as a Sixties black radical clad in Army fatigues and with an Afro and AK-47 — though the image was on the cover of the liberal New Yorker magazine and was intended to be ironic.

The only ironic part was that it was intended to be ironic.

Speaking on the stump during the election campaign, she sounded like a firebrand in comparison with her detached technocrat husband.

Good cop, bad cop. It’s their thing.

But to some observers this week, her protestations rang hollow. Some felt that she was playing the race card to stifle criticism.

During the presidential campaign, staff had nicknamed her ‘the Taskmaster’ and been in constant fear of what one adviser termed ‘the wrath of Michelle’.

That’s not where I told you to put it Buh-rock! I want that building relocated to the other side of the street. By tomorrow. Got that David?

Though she had thrown herself into the campaign, she had been sceptical from the outset about the very notion of her husband running for president.

Buh-rock President!? Stinky, snorey, dopey Buh-rock!? That’s a good one!

Butt Big Guy has always had aspirations. Some called them illusions of grandeur.

Barack Obama had been constantly dissatisfied with where he was in life.

Well, who wouldn’t be, when you’ve always know that you’re the Won?

“I have a gift, Harry. I can get the sheep to follow me anywhere.”

When he was elected to the state senate in Illinois, he immediately began complaining that the body was not serious and referred to his colleagues as idiots.

And I guess he would be in a position to know an idiot if he spotted one.

Seriously. It’s a mirror.

As soon as he entered the U.S. Senate, he felt frustrated.

At his first hearing on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, he sat listening to a long-winded address by Senator Joe Biden — later to become his vice-president — and passed a note to an aide that said: ‘Shoot. Me. Now.’

The same sentiment expressed later by a lot of ordinary Americans. And no longer just about Joey.

Brushing aside advice to bide his time, Mr Obama immediately decided he wanted to run for President. The main obstacle in his way was his wife.

Hee hee. Those big butt jokes never seem to get old do they?

She had hated him campaigning for the Senate, startling his staff by phoning him up on the campaign trail to remind him to bring home eggs and milk.

Though she came from a humble background, Mrs Obama was a lawyer educated at Princeton and Harvard. [ed. in case you forgot]

A former editor of the Chicago Tribune who had met the Obamas years earlier recalled: ‘If someone had said to me ‘‘One of them is going to grow up to be president,” I may have bet on her.’

Of course, she wasn’t the first FLOTUS that was said of.

Michelle was uncomfortable with the role of politician’s wife, the silent, smiling appendage, and felt her husband’s ambitions were selfish. [ed. something else she has in common with Hil]

‘What I notice about men, all men, is that their order is me, my family, God is in there somewhere, but “me” is first,’ she told a reporter in 2004.

‘And for women, “me” is fourth and that’s not healthy.’

I’m not sure that view of men IS healthy. It sort of makes Lady M sound - well, you know – like “an angry black woman.”

After Mr Obama shot to international attention with a scintillating speech at the Democratic National Convention that summer, she had made a point of telling people that he was a man, not a prophet, and he hadn’t yet achieved much.

Well by God, somebody did notice! Even if it was only MO. And her saying so out loud does, again, make her seem like…”an angry black woman.” Who may just have an issue or two with her husband always puttin himself first.

Our overpraised President receives his first international award – for NOTHING! He does have a gift.

Abandoned by his father and sent by his mother to live with his grandparents in Hawaii for his schooling, Mr Obama had little sense of what ordinary family life was like.

Michelle had to teach him basic things, such as phoning home every day from a trip.

…as well as how to use the phone

Her coolly intellectual husband didn’t see much point in calling if he didn’t have anything to say.

Nothing to say? Like, uh, uh, when did that happen?

When he baulked at posing for pictures with strangers, she would tell him ‘Do your job’, with the subtext: ‘This is what you wanted.’

Finish your homework. You can eat your damn waffle when you’re done.

As Miss Kantor’s bombshell book reveals, once there (the White House) she was far from happy. Clothing had long been her ‘compensatory pleasure’ for dutifully enduring the demands of her husband’s political career.

And so began Lady M’s long commitment to sacrificin’ for her country.

‘If I have to go, I’m getting a new dress out of it,’ she would tell neighbours before flying to Washington when he was a senator.

When she became First Lady, White House advisers cringed when she wore a $515 pair of trainers by French designer Lanvin during a trip to a food kitchen for the poor.

What? Did you expect her to wear - a pair of ugly ass Bruno Mali’s?

They were furious when she broke the White House rule of no foreign holidays and went on a four-day trip to Spain.

They forgot: we came here to CHANGE the rules.

There was almost another rift when Michelle decided she wanted to appear on the cover of Vogue. During a biting recession, there were fears she was projecting a Marie Antoinette image.

Fears!?!

Her reluctance to attend charity lunches and political events became a standing joke. An adviser noted airily that ‘this is not a First Lady who just does lunch’.

You can say that again. No sir! Lady M does breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks!

The official Lady M Shake Shack Snack Pack

For her part, Michelle resented her husband’s aides. Her objections to them, Miss Kantor writes, ‘tended to sound a lot like her personal complaints about her husband over the years’.

There’s a word for that, what is it again? Oh yes, “transference,” poor babies.

Charges of ‘not planning, not keeping her informed, focusing on his needs and taking on risky projects without seeing their potential for failure’ had all been ‘levelled against him since the beginning of their union’.

Bemused West Wing aides noted that Mrs Obama complained about being out of the loop, but had made it clear she wanted to work only two days a week.

After all, that was the schedule she had when she was a very important executive at the University of Chicago Hospital. If you’re good you should be able to do everything expected of you in two days or less.

All that bending over…it takes a lot out of you

His staff, she felt, should be lightening his workload and letting the vice-president and cabinet secretaries shoulder more of the burden.

Are you kidding? Joey’s already got his hands full.

At the same time, she felt her husband had lost direction and was not bringing about the political change he had promised.

They began to feel that life in the White House was something to be endured rather than savoured.

Enduring and sacrificin’ for the ungrateful Americans in fly over

Such hints of feeling victimised and misunderstood will lead many to conclude she can’t get out of the White House fast enough.

Yes, I would agree. Many have concluded that she can’t get out of the Big White fast enough. And why don’t you take your little dog with you?

C’mon Buh-rock, we gotta go. They don’t appreciate us anyway.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, Thanks!

Putting America Back to Work. One Recess Appointment at a Time.

2012-01-21T12:47:00.001-05:00

While South Carolina counts the GOP votes, Big Guy remains in the Oval working on his SOTU speech.

Here he is with staff, counting the ways he’s been successful in circumventing the Do-nothing Congress to create Jobs, Jobs, Jobs all by himself.

Be sure to count all those guys we hired to streamline government…

Our working title for the speech so far is “Putting America back to work, one Recess Czar appointment at a time” - because we can’t wait!

Just this week, BO named tourism Job #1b (as you recall from yesterday, Job #1a is fundraising, in order to WTF). Because when tourists come to visit, they spend money (like in Las Vegas)! They go to restaurants, stay in hotels, buy at local retail (all taxed to the hilt) – all of which create jobs! See how this works?

Every year, tens of millions of tourists come from all over the world to visit America. They stay in our hotels, eat at our restaurants, and see all the sights America has to offer.

See how quickly BO is picking up on how capitalism works? He’ll be able to beat the R-words at their own game by the time November rolls around.

That’s good for local businesses. That’s good for local economies. And the more folks who visit America, the more Americans we get back to work. It’s that simple.

It is that simple. This trickle down economic trick works elsewhere too. Say you happen to have a whole bunch of people building a huge cross-country pipeline. Or possibly people drilling gas/oil wells, or mining uranium. Even though these are mostly all high paying union jobs, I guess they’re jobs that go to the union segment that we’ve already written off in our reelection bid.

We can’t wait to seize this opportunity. As I’ve said before, I will continue to work with Congress, states, and leaders in the private sector to find ways to move this country forward.

Really? Because a lot of people thought the TransCanada pipeline project might be just such an opportunity.

But where they can’t act or won’t act, I will. Because we want the world to know that America is open for business. And that’s why I announced steps we’re taking to promote America and make it easier for tourists to come and visit.

Oh, okay, now I get it! This is just about tourism, not commerce.

We’re going to expand the number of countries where visitors can get pre-cleared by Homeland Security…

Hey, here’s a thought: how about American citizens who have to travel several times a week (because they’re one of the lucky ones who still has a job) get a pre-clearance by Homeland Security so they can bypass the TSA gendarmes?

And we’re going to speed up visa processing for countries with growing middle classes that can afford to visit America – countries like China and Brazil.

*sigh* Sadly, it appears as though we’re going to have to outsource our tourist industry too, since middle class Americans can no longer afford to vacation in America.

And we can’t wait to make it happen.

*sigh*

Too often over the last few months, we’ve seen Congress drag its feet and refuse to take steps we know will help strengthen our economy. That’s why this is the latest in a series of actions I’ve taken on my own to help our economy keep growing, creating jobs, and restoring security for middle-class families.

Well, this is just a tiny preview of what you’re in for. Be sure to tune in to Big Guy’s Big State of the Union speech Tuesday night for additional information and instructions.

SOTU: Just a little off kilter

We’ll be doing a few more dress rehearsals between now and then. Both of the speech, and what we’ll be wearing for the occasion.

Lady M listens to Big Guy’s rehearsal of his SOTU speech. Needs more work.

Yes we CAN! We came, we saw, we killed!

We’ve already established the fact that we can WOW (win With Out Whites) so there’s really no need to pander to that segment of our base anymore. “The president’s re-election is at stake here,” he said. “There’s bigger fish to fry. There’s more at stake here than just a pipeline.”

Indeed, how many times do I have to point out that getting reelected is Job Won?

Buy Won, Get Won Free!

2012-01-20T12:41:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was a pretty slow news day, unless you’re an R-word. In which case you were probably interested to hear that Rick Perry dropped out of the race, Rick Santorum won Iowa and Newt is apparently a swinger! Who knew?

Then on to the R-word debate, where the first question was to Newt, asking for his comment on his ex-wife’s allegation that he was, indeed, a swinger. So boys, what did you expect from CNN? Softballs?

Regardless of it’s velocity, Newt hit that one out of the park: “I’m tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by attacking Republicans.”

“Yeah, Houston, this is the RNC: we have a situation here.”

The latest debate left many to ponder, as Charles Hurt put it: “why Republicans keep allowing the various Communist, leftist and otherwise anti-American TV networks to host GOP debates.”

The Ms.NBC smug ones

Lady Diane at State Dinner last summer

Meanwhile, out of the fray, Big Guy was wrapping up a big day of official business in Florida (battleground state) by announcing his new executive order to increase tourism. I didn’t think you could actually do that: order an increase in tourism I mean. Butt it should make a lot of people happy. Especially those who haven’t been able to afford a vacation in years now.

Channeling his inner Mickey, Big Guy and TOTUS announce new executive order requiring tourists to visit the Magic Kingdom. BKeyser via Blonde Gator

Then BO flew into New York for a series of intimate events. Two at the Daniel restaurant (pre-dinner for the not quite so rich, dinner for the very rich), followed by one at the Apollo Theatre (where the top seats went for $25,000) and one at Spike Lee’s swanky Upper East Side brownstone for $30,800.

So, lest there be any confusion about our number Won jobs priority going forward: it’s fundraising. Because being president is Job One! And it’s going to take a lot of money to ensure we achieve our top priority. Yesterday helped; we hauled down a cool $3.1 million - not bad for a day’s “work.”

Butt we have a lot more work to do, as our billion dollar man campaign appears to be falling a bit short. In order to achieve our objective, Big Guy and Lady M need to raise $87 million every month between now and the end of the campaign trail.

We’ll be rollin’ out our secret weapon again: Lady M!

So it’s going to be a very exciting year!

Our newest fundraising plans include a new marketing campaign geared towards the filthy rich, because, well, that’s where the money is. I’m calling this campaign our Buy Won, Get Won Free program:

Eager to widen its donor base, the Obama campaign is using its team of top fundraisers and donors to distribute marketing materials to thousands of potential top-dollar donors across the nation. Those who donate $5,000 …will gain a stream of perks large and small, sources said.

The benefits could include free entry to campaign fundraisers featuring the President, access to strategy sessions at headquarters, and pizza parties at the homes of supporters to watch upcoming voting contests to pick the Republican candidate challenging Obama for the White House in 2012.

Wow! Our fundraising guys are real professionals. And speaking of professionals, did you hear BO crooning to his fans at the Apollo? He practiced for a month with his Hollywood voice coach in order to squeeze these 5 notes out somewhere in key:

'Those guys didn't think I would do it. I told you I was gonna do it.'

So next time Big Guy tells us he’s going to do something, maybe we should all pay a little more attention.

Auto-tuned tax policy

Linked By: Attercliffe on Lucianne.com, Thanks!

From “We Can’t Wait” to WTF: who needs Jobs anyway?

2012-01-19T11:22:00.001-05:00

Before getting to MORE Lady M news, I should address Big Guy’s decision to reject the construction of the Keystone XL Pipeline as there’s been quite a fuss about it, and I just don’t think we’re getting our message out on why he rejected it.

He didn’t want to kill a project that may, by some estimates, create 200,000 trickle down jobs, butt the Republicans made him do it. With their ridiculous demand that he make a decision in just 60 days, he really had no choice. Making big, important decisions like that “right now!” is just irresponsible – only a fool would demand that kind of turnaround on such an important decision.

“The rushed and arbitrary deadline insisted on by Congressional Republicans prevented a full assessment of the pipeline’s impact, especially the health and safety of the American people, as well as our environment,”

After all, there are significant implications connected with the approval of such a huge pipeline project (i.e. thousands of jobs, jobs jobs!, increased oil supply by hundreds of thousands of barrels/day, reduced oil dependency on the Middle East). And we all know that the rule of unintended consequences is far more likely to result in bad outcomes if you force someone to make a premature decision on a significant issue. Take Obamacare for example; why, we’re still finding out what all is in there!

Plus, if we’d spent a little more time analyzing the 5-minute Solyndra Solution to the energy problem, maybe we wouldn’t how ended up with all that egg on our face.

Yep, everything looks good to me, boys! Let’s build ‘em.

So, forcing BO to respond in such a tight timeframe - when his schedule is already crammed full of campaign events - was not just irresponsible, it was inconsiderate as well. It looked like nothing more than payback on the part of the petulant R-words. Just because Big Guy gave the do-nothing Congress less time to deal with his unwritten Jobs Bill ( “Pass this Bill right now!”) was no excuse for them to try to force his hand on this critical decision.

Besides, Big Guy is the PRESIDENT for crying out loud. And they’re just the do-nothing Congress we’re running against. We really had to show them who’s in charge.

So if you think Big Guy was just pandering to his Green Coalition you are mistaken. His peevishness goes well beyond that.

Now, on to the big news of the day: another cover to add to Lady M’s collection!

Yes! That really is Lady M! In MORE: the magazine FOR WOMEN OF STYLE AND SUBSTANCE.

Note this month’s other cover articles, all of which included input from MO as well:

Your best haircut ever:

Rule One: Let it go natural

Redefining “beautiful:”

And become a Fashion Icon at the same time!

Belly fat buster plan:

Hint: includes industrial schtrength containment systems

Reinvent your life:

You too can be a Hip Hop queen. Or an urban gardener.

Declutter Your Finances:

Defray costs by combining work with pleasure: Villa Padierna, Marbella

Step away from the Sweats:

Because fashion designers make exercise togs too!

It’s an all-Lady-M-all-the-time issue. Enjoy!

“What dreams are left for the woman who grew up working class in Chicago, graduated from Princeton and Harvard law and became the first African-American first lady of the United States?”

I can only imagine.

Who IS that gurl?

Mary Tyler “Moore, Moore Moore”

or just That Girl?

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, Thanks!

Barbarians at the Gate - While the Won % Ate.

2012-01-18T11:19:00.001-05:00

NOTE: Official BAN SOPA edition today in solidarity with Google and Wikipedia

Tense night around the Big White. The OWIES showed up to OCCUPY the White House and protest the unfairness of life. They did so by lobbing a few smoke bombs over the fence onto the lawn of the People’s House.

Fortunately the Wons weren’t home at the time. They were with 10 close friends at BLT Steak (aka Bistro Laurent Tourondel, famous French chef) celebrating Lady M’s 48th birthday.

Lady M earlier in the day, lying about her age

After a brief lockdown, police dispersed the crowd and cleared out the smoke bombs and secured the Big White for Big Guy’s and Lady M’s return around 10:00 pm for nightcaps.

Naturally, due to the personal nature of the dinner, there was a complete photo embargo, butt I can report that Lady M changed from what she had worn earlier in the day when the St. Louis Cardinals stopped by to wish her a happy birthday.

Wow! Look at that black bat!

Which was a re-run of the lovely sweater she wore to her Oscar winning performance at the Gabby Gifford memorial in Arizona last year:

For dinner she lost the sweater, kept the pearls and went basic black with the Jackie O’s. Just like we have so often in the past:

The many faces of MO’s campaign pearls

Expect to see a lot more of the pearls this year, as they work so well with campaigning. That face? Well, it may be an artifact of the 2008 campaign, butt we’ve got a much better one now anyway.

Butt I digress: back to our dinner at BLT Steak. I know that sounds as casual as a ham sandwich, butt rest assured, there’s nothing prosaic about this Lady M fave. Oh sure, at lunch you can get an Obama burger for just $28: an 8 oz Kobe American burger, with cheddar bacon, burnt tomato ketchup (bleh!) and spicy Scallion mustard.

Dinner, however is a bit more upscale.

BLT Washington: Private Dining Room

For example, here’s what the Won Percent party enjoyed for the birthday dinner last night:

Appetizers: The American Wagyu Skirt Steak (10 0z, $55) and 28-Day Dry Aged New York Strip (16 0z, $46) with house-made sauces including Horseradish, Peppercorn, 3 Mustards, and the ubiquitous "Steak" sauce.

Dinner: American Wagyu Top Cap, which is served in a 10 0z portion ($81). I know that’s a lot of steak, butt after all it IS BLT Steak, not BLT Salad, or BLT Organic Vegetables.

Accompanying side dishes, served family style, included French Fries, Mashed Potatoes, Caramelized Brussel Sprouts with Bacon, Creamed Spinach, and Hen of the Woods Mushrooms. Oh, and onion rings, of course – hand stacked.

Following a few Stoli martinaes, dinner was accompanied by both red and white wines.

For dessert, a specially made version of Lady M’s favorite red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting – and cream cheese ice cream!

It’s red chocolate! RED. CHOCOLATE! How do you do that?

Meanwhile, back at the Big White, all the little OWIES had been shoed away, and have moved on to the Capital. It’s going to be a long winter.

The 99% are now demanding Obama Kobe Hamburgers for lunch. And onion rings. With some good red wine. A fine Pinot Noir would be nice.

Bitch Stole My Look!®

2012-01-17T11:55:00.001-05:00

So, another Golden Globe Awards show is in the can. I haven’t seen any of the movies or most of the TV shows (accept Homeland and Boss) that won, butt I’ve now reviewed all of the fashions. All I can say is if the screen offerings aren’t any more original than the frocks – and since the Best Movie award went to a throwback black and white silent film, The Artist, I’m guessing they’re not - save your money.

The starlets all borrowed from the Lady M Look Book. To borrow Madonna’s phrase, their gowns were a bit reductive. That’s just the way it is when you’re a fashion icon.

Judge for yourself. I think they’re all rip-off artists.

Kathleen Robertson: hello! Been there, done that.

Viola Davis: trying to outdo us by flashing some leg. We save that look for daytime.

Jessica Alba, have you no shame?

Kate Beckinsale: This is just outrageous, right down to the jewelry.

Laura Linney: the pale one in royal blue

Stacy Keibler (aka “George Clooney’s Amazon date”) sports Lady M’s signature tomato tart red: and famous toned arms.

Sofia Vegara – who won an award for “Modern Family” and gave her acceptance speech in Spanish. American Modern.

I don’t really know who this is, butt she had something to do with “The Artist.” Aren’t artists usually a little more creative?

Then of course there’s this: the dress selected – according to Sarah Michelle Gellar- by her 2 year old daughter. I’m afraid this choice proves she carries the DNA of her father, the late “Dark Knight” Heath Leger. (UPDATE: wrong baby daddy. Apologies to the little tyke who picked out Mom’s dress. HL is the BD of Michelle Williams 2 year old. Can we declare a moratorium on Michelle’s for awhile? Thanks for the catch Anonymouse.) Neo-Neocon thought the dress looked like Miss Scarlet was missing a few tie dyed sheets: butt if you look closely, you’ll see that Lady M was way ahead of the curve on this fashion trend too.

Sarah Michelle Gellar: butt let’s not kid ourselves, Lady M practically invented the ink splotch motif:

…only she chose classic black India ink.

Other trend stealers spotted on the runway: the weirdly androgynous Tilda Swinton soooo stole this look from Lady M:

not the androgyny, the hair:

Here’s a concept that looks equally good in black or white

Although an argument could be made that she actually stole the look from the Donald:

Also, I don’t want to overlook the honorees in some of the less glamorous categories that don’t command as much coverage. Here, for example, are the two finalists in the Premature-Aging category: Kelley Osborne, 27 and Lindsay Lohan, 25. Both would make good poster children for the War Against Drugs.

And the award for Best Preventative-aging: formaldehyde-preservation division (see here for proof) went, hands down, to Madonna: still lean, mean, material and self-absorbed. Aside from the lean part, she reminds me a lot of someone else around here.

I won’t repeat what Joan Rivers said about her frock, butt it involved an unnatural act between a disco ball and a bedspread. Madge’s dress is by Reem Acra, constructed out of chain maille and bottle green taffeta: again, two looks that Lady M has previously rocked, albeit not at the same time.

Two looks from back in ‘08, when we used to keep our mouth shut occasionally.

And then there’s the perennial worst dressed award. It was awarded again, as it is perennially, to Meryl Streep who was stunned, as she is, perennially, that she won another Golden Globe. Then there was the Streep bleep: she said some naughty words when she realized she didn’t have her glasses and couldn’t read her speech. Wouldn’t you think an actress could memorize her speech? I mean, isn’t that what they pretty much do for a living?

Meryl takes the Golden Globe for her portrayal of Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady, wearing vintage Dale Evans

Meryl’s cowboy-inspired frock and Annie Oakley ponytail, combined with the skirt-bustle appeared to be some kind of homage to a previous Americana fin de siècle. I don’t recall Lady M sporting this exact look butt I think she would like it. Margaret Thatcher on the other hand wouldn’t be caught dead in it.

And finally: the night’s Best Dressed award goes to Angelina Jolie, who you may recall visited the Big White just last week:

That’s Val-Jar she’s swapping campaign notes and fashion tips with

And here she is at the Golden Globes, looking well, FABULOUS!

Holly crap! Do you have any idea how hard it is to look that good in unforgiving white silk charmeuse? A perfect 10 except for the bar code tats and knobby knees.

“Know your Rights”? Right #1: You have the right to act stupidly.

Which explains a lot, if you think about it. So that’s it from Hollywood reporter for another year. Or at least until Sundance.

Kiss-kiss!

P.S. I don’t want you to think I’m shirking my duties in order to dabble in the faux arts of Hollywood, I know Big Guy and Lady M spent all yesterday sacrificin’ in honor of Martin Luther King day, which has obviously been promoted from just a National Holiday to another National Day of Service. At the rate we’re going, soon Christmas will be a National Day of Service too.

Servicing the American people, one paint-by-number Dream and Scheme at a time.

Linked By: American Digest, Thanks!

Mayday! Mayday! S.O.S. WTF?

2012-01-16T14:04:00.001-05:00

Happy Martin Luther King Day.

I interrupt my regularly scheduled programming to bring you an update on the latest international maritime disaster: the sinking of a huge ship. It has been confirmed that there were American citizens aboard, but we don’t yet know which of the 57 states they are from.

The ship is on the shoals, half submerged and apparently slipping away: that’s entertaining?

In an unprecedented case of gross malfeasance, it appears that the Captain of the giant cruise ship, Costa Concordia, purposely ordered his crew to CHANGE course, in a maritime version of a fly-by for entertainment purposes:

“Questions also swirled about why the ship had navigated so close to the dangerous reefs and rocks that jut out off Giglio's eastern coast, amid suspicions the captain might have ventured too close while carrying out a maneuver to entertain tourists on the island."

As a result of steering the ship off-course, it unexpectedly hit a reef. (Captain Shettino insists these rocks where “uncharted” so most likely the result of sabotage, and additionally accused his helmsman of acting stupidly by getting too close to the uncharted rocks.) When the ship hit the reef it ripped a large, gapping hole in the hull of his ship, breaching its integrity. At this point the giant ocean-faring vessel started taking on ballast, listing dangerously portside (left); which is to say, it was sinking.

There are reports from passengers that during the initial stages of the emergency the Captain received numerous calls from the crew advising of the situation, yet he remained at his table in the state dining room conversing with guests, drinking wine and demanding that his crew maneuver the ship off the reef RIGHT AWAY! They continued to provide him with damage reports, even though it was clear that he just wanted to be left alone to eat his waffle.

An official mayday was not issued until much later, at which time the Captain had given up all HOPE of righting the ship. Due to there being more uncharted rocks in the reef than he knew about, the damage was greater than anticipated. At that point, the breached hull had simply allowed too much water in and it was clear that all aboard were in imminent danger.

Experts are still analyzing the ship's black box, which has already revealed a one-hour lag between the time of the impact on the rocks at 9:45 p.m. local time Friday and the ship's alarm call to the coast guard at about 10:43 p.m. Investigators suspect Schettino tried to maneuver the ship before alerting coast guard, the Italian news outlet Ansa reported.

Meanwhile, passengers with a vantage point closer to the water line could clearly see the listing to port and some could even see the damage that had been inflicted. They knew that they were in danger and began insisting that the crew help them launch the lifeboats. The crew was confused, they were getting conflicting information and orders through the chain of command. At first they tried to persuade the passengers that they were in no danger despite all evidence to the contrary. But by now the damage was so severe and so obvious that the passengers were clinging, bitterly, to their life vests and religion. By the time the crew was officially enlisted to launch the lifeboats the giant ship was listing so far portside that it was no longer possible to deploy them.

Now there was complete panic amongst the passengers, many of whom seemed helpless as they had never contemplated such a scenario being possible on such a huge, stable ship. They simply couldn’t believe their ship was actually sinking right before their eyes!

As the inevitability of the situation became perfectly clear however, the Captain, who had been entrusted with the safety of his passengers and crew, abandoned ship ahead of many of the survivors. He insisted to the press that was not the case:

Schettino insisted he didn't leave the liner early, telling Mediaset television that he had done everything he could to save lives. "We were the last ones to leave the ship," he said.

The Captain’s veracity is called into question though, as 3 more people were rescued 2 days after he made that comment, and 16 people still unaccounted for. But as they say: “who ya gonna believe – me or your lyin’ eyes?”

When interviewed from the safety of the island that many passengers had managed to swim to, several stated that instead of booking passage on the cruise ship, they wished they had just taken the intercontinental railroad.

Seriously: can you ever imagine such a thing happening to an American ship? That’s simply not the way we act – that’s simply not who we are.

Miracle on the Hudson

“(Captain) Sullenberger walked the unflooded part of the passenger cabin twice to make sure everyone had evacuated before retrieving the plane's maintenance logbook and being the last to evacuate the aircraft.”

Ask yourself this next November: are you voting for someone more like Captain Sully, or someone more like Captain Shettino? The Ship of State is sending an S.O.S.. It requires a better response than “WTF”.

BO, George and Tiny Tim finally send an S.O.S. but it may be too late.Don’t worry, “We are on correct path comrades!” H/T Vereteno

Regularly scheduled programming resumes tomorrow, including complete coverage of the Golden Globes.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and DeniseVB on The Crawdad Hole, Thanks!

iFLOTUS, uBET’cha!

2012-01-15T12:41:00.001-05:00

Wow! Lady M rocked the house last night at the BET Honors where she honored Maya Angelou.

“She lifts us out of our everyday lives, making us feel like we can do anything and go anywhere and be our boldest, realest, most brilliant and fabulous selves.”

Lady M, Miss Fabulosity, 2012

Obama stayed for the three-hour taping during which several acts had to be done over.

It’s possible that one of those “acts” that needed a do-over was Lady M’s. Because here’s how the original BET post reports Lady M’s remarks:

“Maya Angelou teaches us that it’s not enough merely to seek greatness for ourselves. We must help others discover the greatness within ourselves,” the first lady added. (BET quote)

Butt here’s how the Chicago Tribune reports the same comment:

“It is not enough merely to seek greatness for ourselves, we must help others discover greatness within themselves.” (Chicago Tribune quote)

Thanks ChicaBO Tribune! Ourselves, themselves. Whatever. It’s really not about US anyway.

Miss Fabulosity, 2012; helping us discover “the greatness within ourselves”

Okay, Take 2:

“She lifts us out of our everyday lives, making us feel like we can do anything and go anywhere and be our boldest, realest, most brilliant and fabulous selves.

And at the same time she grounds us, wrapping us in her embrace, reminding us that we belong here, that each of us has a place in this world,” Obama said.

Miss Fabulosity, 2012; wrapping us in her embrace. What the “h” happened to the embargo?

“It is not enough merely to seek greatness for ourselves, we must help others discover greatness within themselves.

“We need to reach down and reach out, and give back and lift others.”

Looks like Mariah could use a “lift” – butt she’s makin’ you look good, gurl!

Maybe Lady M can help Mariah get a little lift by telling her about our super-secret NASA designed, industrial schtrength containment/ lifting systems. Of course if we told her, we’d have to shoot her, which might offend her dozens of fans. In an election year! WTF?

Anyway, here’s the takeaway from this, along with an invaluable little tip for public speaking: Always make your toast/remarks before cocktails. Three hours can be a long time, if you’re ~~hammering back~~ sipping Stoli.

Being the “realest” you is fine if you are trying to speak Ghetto rap. Butt as FLOTUS it’s probably best to settle for just being your boldest, most real, most brilliant and fabulous self.

Whoever that self may be.

And while I’m on the subject: I would also advise everybody to write any important emails before the cocktail hour too. Otherwise you might communicate more than you intend. Take Big Guy’s email about Lady M’s birthday for example:

Friend --
When you become president, one thing that happens overnight is that you and everyone you love get a bunch of new nicknames. (make that a “whole” bunch)

I was already pretty used to this. But "FLOTUS," short for First Lady of the United States, is really something else. (You’re telling ME?)
I'm writing because our FLOTUS, Michelle, turns 48 (you never, ever, ever reveal your wife’s age. I don’t care who you are.) on Tuesday, and I know I'm not her only fan out there. (In fact, in checking my roster, you’re not even an official member of the Lady M Fan Club yet)
Will you join me in wishing her a happy birthday?

…. I know she'd love to hear from you today:

http://my.barackobama.com/For-Michelle (Since this is the same as the link above, I take it Chicago rules apply? Should be use a different name each time we wish Lady M a Happy Birthday?)

Thanks for your support,
Barack

(P.S. For her Birthday, I got Lady M her very own Twitter account. I know she’ll be thrilled, butt nowhere near as thrilled as you all: follow @MichelleObama on Twitter.)

Lady M’s first Tweet ever, last October, as well as her first official MAC endorsement

Although 'This account will be managed by campaign staff, with any tweets from the First Lady herself signed "-mo."'

So look for those very special tweets from Lady M herself – they’re sure to be collector’s items.

Linked By: Best Snark Here on Weasel Zippers, Thanks!

iCarly. uRacist.

2012-01-14T13:12:00.001-05:00

iCarly! iDance!

Lady M: uRock!

Before we get to that though, there’s a little clean up required on aisle 3. It’s the result of ongoing fallout from Lady M’s interview with gal-pal Gayle (note to self: never hire an inexperienced hack - even if she is your BFF’s BFF - for a job requiring a professional hack). We had to call in the A-team to squash all of the hateful, racist rightwing rants our Gayle King blabfest generated.

In retrospect I suppose we would have been better advised to skip the whole defensive “I’m not an angry black woman” denial thing. Since Ms. Jodi’s book was basically good press, some people think that the Won’s are now simply making lemons out of lemonade. Especially since it was Big Guy who started this whole mess by “announcing” Lady M was an “angry black woman” in the first place. Indeed some have gone so far as to suggest that the thin-skinned Wons are in the process of creating a textbook example of counterproductive PR.

We don’t really need any more lemons around here.

So that’s why we called in the big guns. Round one was fired yesterday by one of our professional journ-o-lists at the WaPo. Kathleen Parker used her sharp wit and pen to really put it to the narrow-minded, racists out in fly over who have had the unmitigated gall to accuse Lady M of being an “angry black woman” - which is clearly racist code for, umm, being an angry black woman. Kathleen set the pompous liberal outrage meter on “hypersensitive” as she waved her sensor over the people who dare criticize Lady M’s demeanor.

It isn’t hard to find evidence of racial undertones in these anonymous missives… Comment threads on right-wing blogs frequently feature hateful, racist remarks about the first lady. They don’t deserve a pica of my column space, but suffice to say, they need no translation.

Meanwhile, what isn’t said explicitly by “prominent” people is often implied.

Or if not implied, possibly inferred – by Kathleen and her friends.

Indeed, it may be that this trope has evolved from the swamp of the blogosphere, where anonymous trolls say despicable things from the cowardly comfort of their subterranean wormholes.

By which she means the rightwing blogosphere swamp. In the interest of being fair and balanced though, there have been some “tropes” that have evolved from other people’s swamps as well:

It may be easy for fortunate whites to say they’ve always been proud of America, though they’re probably lying.

It is less easy for someone whose ancestors were slaves and whose own parents remember when blacks couldn’t vote and were lynched for trying in some parts of the country.

I dunno: Allen West has always been proud of his country. Butt then, he’s an Uncle Tom. Or an Oreo. Or something.

Given that history, one can forgive a few ill-chosen words uttered in an emotional moment.

Sure, that’s right. Just ask Juan Williams.

Other than that, I think Kathleen did a good a job at playing the race card. At least as good as a blonde woman can do. Still, I think the Reverends would be proud.

Ah’ve got a pocket full of race-aces Al, how ‘bout you?

And lest you forget, Kathleen also opined in a previous column:

It takes courage to swim against the tide of know-nothingness that has become de rigueur among the anti-elite, anti-intellectual Republican base. Call it the Palinization of the GOP, in which the least informed earns the loudest applause.

The left demonstrates their new civility standard: it’s the daily double

She talked about the Palinization of the GOP in the context of calling Herman Cain out as a moron – in a non-racist way of course. Then she proceeded to hand Newt a left-hand compliment, calling him a

a populist professor — a bombastic smarty-pants Republicans can call their own.

If you’re one of the stupid people (i.e. an R-word), he sounds smart (per MoDo)

Butt just to summarize the current allegation, Kathleen reminds us:

Like every woman I know, black or white, I’ve watched Mrs. Obama with respect, admiration and arm-envy. Every woman.

And there you have it: proof positive that if you don’t admire Lady M, you must be a racist. Because every woman Kathleen knows admires Lady M. EVERY woman. How fortunate for Ms. Parker; she dwells in a very special world (H/T Pauline Kael) that’s free of racism.

Now then, on a lighter note: we went to Hayfield Secondary School in Virginia for a special screening/promo of Lady M’s upcoming guest appearance on iCarly. It was a lot of fun. We did a little “random dancing” which I guess is a thing on the show.

She received kudos for her dancing, as well as her acting skills:

Her acting skills also drew praise. The cast was impressed with Obama's ability to deliver her lines in the compressed time they had to shoot the scenes.

Acting happy to be here, ya’ know?

"She has good comic timing in real life, too," Cosgrove said

H/T iOTW

In addition to dancin’ Lady M did a Q&A session with the students:

During a question-and-answer session with students, Obama drew a handful of playful boos when she was asked about school lunches and talked about legislation she and her husband supported to add more vegetables to the school lunch program.

Hard to believe, I know. Booed by a group of privileged kids in Alexandria, VA! Oh sure, they claimed that their booing was directed towards the crappy food that Lady M, Big Guy and the SEIU joined together to serve them in place of the burgers and fries they use to get. Butt I think we all know: it’s really racism.

Anyway, Nickelodeon, January 16. Don’t miss it!

iCarly. uWatch. uBarf.

Our Run-Away Election Campaign

2012-01-13T11:29:00.001-05:00

Our first round of designer Runway To Win Obama-gear has hit the streets! And just look at the time, creativity and effort that has been poured into these products by our big name designers!

Tracy Reese, Narciso Rodriguez

Rachael Roy, Diane von Furstenberg

Rufus Wainwright, Beyonce (with an assist from Tina Knowles)

And then there’s this lovely scarf (only $95), designed by Lady M fave, Thakoon Panichgul:

Although there has been some concern and discussion over whether the pattern is actually the abstract depiction of a cotton boll:

Exhibits A and B in the case of WTF v. Thakoon

…in which case of, course, it would have to be deemed racist and pulled from the shelves. We’re having Ricky Holder’s Justice Department look into it, butt early indications are that Thakoon will be cleared of all charges by noon today as long as he agrees not to carry a "deadly weapon" near a polling place until 2012.” Oh, and they want him to drop the “koon” part of his first name.

In other campaign news, Big Guy held a ~~campaign event~~ forum for “Insourcing American Jobs” in the East Room on Wednesday. Unfortunately, many of the invited attendees seemed to have been unexpectedly busy and unavailable at the last minute. There were actually more members of the press than business leaders.

The cheese sits alone

The Unnamed-leading-GOP-candidate-bashing part just broke out spontaneously, right after Big Guy’s plea to the business leaders who did bother to show up to bring the jobs home, NOW!.

Butt if I can get back to mixing fashion with campaigning for just a moment: Big Guy is not the only one running a fashion boutique to raise campaign dollars. That edgy Rick Santorum has his own gig going too: for a $100 donation you can own one of those timeless sweater-vests made popular once again by Rick. Multiple colors available.

h/t weaselzippers

I’m not sure where the proceeds from Rick’s sweater vest proceeds will go, butt as we discussed yesterday the proceeds from Lady M’s fashion glam-o-rama is designated for the Obama Victory Fund. Some on staff are worried that may be a moot point if there’s any accuracy to a disturbing story currently circulating from U.S. News about what Americans fear the most (hint: Americans 2-1 Fear Obama’s Reelection).

Butt don’t worry, Lady M will be hitting the campaign trail soon. And she has her way of persuading people to do what she wants:

Additionally, we’re having Ricky look into the legality of, ah, detaining certain people (just through the election). These are people - bloggers primarily - who appear to be disturbing our peace by refusing to be persuaded enough.

So now you see why it’s necessary to make sure that Ricky keeps his job as Attorney General at least through next November.

He’s one half of our super-secret weapons team to Win The Future, through any means necessary. Ricky will be heading up our redistricting efforts across the country.

And Lady M will be in charge of injecting race into every other attack on Big Guy.

With a team like this, I don’t think we have anything to fear. In fact, the only thing we have to fear is the veneer itself.

Obama: WTF since 2008

Standby: Big Guy’s giving another non-campaign speech in the East Room as I speak!

So far: We’ve done a lot, butt we’ve got to do more. And I need to have more authority to do more – if the Congress of No will just give it to me. Butt don’t worry: I won’t use this authority. Unless I have to.

More tomorrow.

Linked By: NOBO2012 on The Daily Caller, Thanks!

Run-a-way Win: It’s all Legal

2012-01-12T11:11:00.001-05:00

You probably don’t remember Anna Wintour’s proposed solution to concerns about the sustainability of the American fashion industry way back in 2009. She was concerned that steep retail markdowns (sales, for those of you in fly-over) were resulting in huge decreases in profits. So she proposed this solution:

"Could someone lead a committee that would make ground rules for retailers when the discounting starts, and then all the retailers can agree to it?" When CFDA President Diane von Furstenberg pointed out, "That's illegal," Wintour said: "Is that something we can change? We have friends in the White House now."

Crony-capitalist wannabe, Anna Wintour, arrives at the Big White for dinner with her best friends

Who knew “collusion” was illegal (well, besides smarty pants Diane von Furstenberg)? After all, how can you expect a fashionista like Anna to know anything about the law? Same goes for Lady M.

Michelle LaVaughn Robinson: Harvard Law, 1988

Well, okay then: no coordinated sales. Butt our BFFs in fashion have banded together (legally, this time, I think) to create an entire new line of fashion-forward apparel to be offered exclusively on our Victory 2012 reelection site. We proudly announce another historic first!

Never before in the history of the Republic have so many of the deluded come together to support so much fantasy with so little talent.

And speaking of talent, the designers contributing in-kind to this inspired campaign include MO faves Marc Jacobs, Narciso Rodriguez, Jason Wu, Alexander Wang, Rachel Roy, Tory Burch, Joseph Altuzarra, Rag & Bone, Tracy Reese and Diane von Furstenberg along with a whole bunch of wannabes from Project Runway.

Project Runway winner Christian Siriano displays a shoe he designed specially for MO

Here’s how it works:

The clothing industry's top 22 designers favored by the nation's first lady of fashion, Michelle Obama, are coming together to help the Obama-Biden campaign raise money and put a unique look on the 2012 effort.

The fashion blueprint was announced on the campaign's blog:

We're launching something new, and a little different, over the next few weeks: Runway to Win, a collaboration by some of the country's top fashion designers in support of Obama 2012. In the coming weeks, we'll be rolling out Obama-inspired designs by everyone from Tracy Reese to Jason Wu to Tory Burch at runwaytowin.com. The details are still under wraps, but sign up for your First Access pass to get updates—and a first look at the new designs. Then invite your friends and family to do the same.

Is this inspired or what? Oh,and did I mention that proceeds go to the Obama Victory Fund? In case you’re wondering, that’s our inaugural party fund. I don’t know what we’ll do with the dough if, well…you know.

Campaigns have typically offered hats and T-shirts for sale, but normally they are blandly decorated with simple campaign logos. The Obama campaign, for example, already sells clothes, like a $55 hoodie and new "State of the Union Watch Party Packs" for $25 that include yard signs and buttons. The Runway to Win plan takes that whole idea to a new, Fifth Avenue level and is aimed at creating a special fashion cachet for the campaign.

I know this campaign sounds similar to the 2008 fashion-designer effort to support Big Guy: “Runway To Change”. Butt it’s totally different – hence the new name: “Runway To Win”. As some cheeky wag at Huffpo pointed out: “the tweak of one word, we think, speaks volumes as to the difference between this Obama campaign and last.” We think so too.

Anyway, I thought this would be a good opportunity for me to restock my little store with some new fashion forward campaign swag myself. So Little Mo, Little Bo, Raj and I were up all night restocking our shelves with brand new gear for the Wons reelection campaign too.

Sorry, my gear is mostly “blandly decorated with simple campaign logos.” I know it’s not in the same league as the designer stuff that will be available on Big Guy’s site, butt just as all proceeds from his Runway to Win sales will go to the Obama Victory Fund, all proceeds from sales on my site will go to a good cause too. I can’t say exactly where until after the GOP Bowl game is over.

See what you think:

Homage to Walter Mondale’s Wipeout: prelude to Jimmy Carter’s malaise

Confession: This design is recycled from 2008.

Even though I couldn’t afford to get any designs from the big names in fashion, I did manage to get some big names to model my gear. If you see any of them though, you might not want to mention it since I did promise them anonymity. And okay, they may have been under the influence of prescription drugs when they agreed to pose.

Super-secret gear-site here.

H/T Weasel Zippers

Linked By: Clarice @ American Thinker, and American Digest, and Best Snark Here on Weasel Zippers, and Basil99 on Hillary is 44, and BADBLUE, and Sue on Just One Minute, and Tweeted By Zilla of the Resistance, Thanks!

Lady M Does Damage Control: Watch It Sucka!

2012-01-11T12:34:00.001-05:00

Well that didn’t take long; to get our lapdogs to heel, I mean.

We had the interview with Oprah-doprah’s gal-pal Gayle King lined up as of last Sunday when the NYT article about Ms. Busy-body’s book ran. Butt we needed a couple extra days to select the lovely, feminine soft peach frock, fly in our makeup artist, complete our purge, have our hair done in a soft twist and practice looking, well…not angry. We’re really wishing we’d upped the Botox dosage at our last treatment though. That usually makes for an emotionless face for at least a month.

The interview aired today on CBS This Morning. And it’s gold. By which I mean - what a great opportunity for Lady M to set the record straight about the lies in Ms. Jodi Kantor’s book.

As is often necessary in order to wave off vicious right-wing attacks, we did have to deploy the race card. Lady M said she's tired of people portraying her as the stereotypical schtrong, angry black woman. Well here, see for yourself in this special MOTUS cut of the CBS interview (H/T Fausta):

Here are just a few of the highlights from the “JUST CLEAN UP THIS MESS!” interview:

"So I've just gotten in the habit of not reading other people's impressions of people."

I’ll form my own, thank you.

"I love this job. It has been a privilege from day one."

Have plane, will travel

"I do care deeply about my husband. I am one of his biggest allies. I am one of his biggest confidants."

“How about you just say ‘Sometimes you just have to eat your peas’.”

But she sought to put aside "this notion that I sit in meetings."

“OK then, let’s get started. Is that remote feed operating now?”

"I guess it's just more interesting to imagine this conflicted situation here," she said. "That's been an image people have tried to paint of me since the day Barack announced, that I'm some kind of angry black woman."

Did Buhrack just call me an angry black woman?”

"There will always be people who don't like me," Mrs. Obama added, and said she could live with that.

Because, you know, sometimes, you just can’t help how you feel.

Mrs. Obama said that she's "just trying to be me, and I just hope that over time, that people get to know me."

Oh, they know you. Butt like you said, “there will always be people who don’t like me”

Asked specifically about an assertion of dissension between herself and Emanuel, now the mayor of Chicago, the first lady said she has "never had a cross word" with him.

Up to their waists in manure last October: what better place to bury the hatchet than at an organic worm farm in Chicago?

Who can write about what I feel? What third person can tell me what I feel?"

Current mood: Dangerous - somewhere between blue and red

"If there's communication that needs to happen, it's between staffs," she said. "I don't have conversations with my husband's staff."

Look, I know it’s inconvenient, meeting here…butt we’ve got some issues...

“I am one of his biggest confidantes, but he has dozens of really smart people who surround him.

Of course some of them don’t “surround” him the same way they once did.

That's not to say that we don't have discussions and conversations. That's not to say that my husband doesn't know how I feel.

Ooooooo! I know what that look means.

I mean, one thing is true that I talk very candidly to my husband about how I feel, but that's the kind of relationship we have.

“Let me get your chair.”

So I think Lady M managed to put this controversy to rest once and for all; schtrongly, yet good naturedly.

So remember, in politics, as in life, the rules are really very simple: if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. Got that?

Menu changes Daley

Linked By: Chickaboomer, and Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Zilla of the Resistance, and Best Snark Here on Weasel Zippers, and Blonde on News Busters, and silverdust on The Ulsterman Report, and Bluebird33 on cBS News (H/T Madame de Farge), and Blonde again on News Busters, Thanks!

Day by Daley CHANGEs

2012-01-10T12:07:00.001-05:00

For heavens sake! All the other important news going on and all anyone wants to talk about is “The Obamas.” Suddenly everything that happens around here is seen through Ms. Jodi Kantor’s prism.

Take William Daley’s decision to leave his post as Chief of Staff a little (like a year) early.

“Thanks, I’ve had a lot of fun, butt now I’ve got to get the hell out of here.”

I’m not sure why he suddenly decided to spend more time with his family, butt I am certain that it had nothing to do with the fact that Lady M was "distressed" by how a small group of "white Irish Catholic" families -- the Daleys, the Hynes and the Madigans -- "locked up" power in Illinois.

Sheeze! It was an observation that Lady M made a long, long time ago, and it’s not as if it was racist or anything. Besides, MO has totally forgiven Billy’s brother, former Mayor Richard Daley II for being - well, powerful.

Huggs!

After all, the Chicago Irish Mafia realized long ago that in order to maintain power they needed to embrace select African-American and Hispanic-American families who were willing to ~~prostitute themselves to the Machine~~ sacrifice in exchange for membership in the patronage system. Because, as you know, membership has its legacy privileges.

So now along with the Daleys, the Hynes and the Madigans we have the Carotherses, the Jacksons and the Strogers. Chicago is proof positive that America truly is a melting pot; where our perpetual, elite, Political Class is totally, if selectively, integrated.

Anyway, Lady M’s comment was simply based on the reality that in Chicago the Irish mafia has been buying elections since 1960.

Richard Daley and family with JFK, 1960

There’s no way that Lady M – in the middle of her extensive year-and-a-half experience working for the Daley political machine under Val-Jar’s watchful eye – could have possibly known that this very same Irish mafia she was condemning back in 1991 would one day buy the election for Big Guy too: is this a great country or what?

Mayor Daley II presents Big Guy with the votes he needs to get the nomination, 2008

Butt back to Billy – it’s less surprising that he’s leaving than it was that he landed here in the first place. He was - and is - far too centrist to help Big Guy “fundamentally transform America.” Some people, who Big Guy no longer listens to, convinced him to bring Billy onboard so moderates would think that he was adopting a Clintonian stance in order to “alter his image as a radical.”

Butt let’s be honest: “centrist” just isn’t in Big Guy’s DNA. So now that Billy’s brother, Richard, has temporarily passed the family scepter to Rhambo, we don’t really have to listen to those radical Chicago moderates so much anymore.

“Come on Billy, just pretend to think this is a good idea”

And speaking of loyalty from the old Chicago crowd, old Ax-man really came through for us last Sunday again. You really can’t breed fealty like this, butt you can buy it. And we own David Axelrod. He’s one of our best trained ~~monkeys~~ spokesmen. You can see his skills on display on last Sunday’s This Week with George Stephanopoulos by either watching the whole segment, or reading the transcript here, butt allow me provide the highlight:

STEPHANOPOULOS: (snip) Jodi Kantor talked to 33 people inside and around the White House. It does paint a portrait of a very tense White House, and fights between the East Wing and the West Wing. Is it an accurate portrayal?

AXELROD: No, it's not. You know -- you can take any one incident and exaggerate...

STEPHANOPOULOS: That incident is true, though, isn't it?

AXELROD: Yeah, and the context of it is important. We don't have time to rehearse it here. But George, you were in a White House, you understand that that's very -- every day is a very tense working environment and you have great collegiality and that doesn't mean that people have exchanges and words.

I think the first lady and her staff worked very well when I was there with the West Wing. She's a sensational person and highly regarded by everybody who works there.

Did you catch the important part? “We don't have time to rehearse it here.” He must have been tired, what with all the rehearsing he had to do regarding the questions and answers about the Republican debate, in order to let that slip out. Although I suppose most people already know that our MSM lapdogs generally rehearse all their questions with our “say anything” political hacks (I’m talking about you Debbie) before they tape their shows.

Be careful, or your face will freeze that way

How many times do I have to tell you? Don’t mess with Lady M!

Housekeeping Note: I’m sure you’ve noticed that I CHANGEd my header today. I know, I know, nobody likes CHANGE, butt I think it’s an improvement.More on point, and easier on the eyes. My internationally famous, award winning MO Fashion video is still here, just scootched over to the sidebar and now it links to a new page where the video is way bigger than it was in the header. I HOPE everybody likes my new look! (H/T for the change to UpNorthLurkin)

Linked By: Best Snark Here on Weasel Zippers, and Sailor on Real Clear Politics, Thanks!

One of these days Alice, one of these days!

2012-01-09T11:37:00.001-05:00

Well, it looks like the new Jodi book is really getting under people’s skin around here. It hasn’t even been officially released yet and already we’ve had to issue clarifications, interpretations, restatements and denials. I think at this point the best strategy is to issue the standard rhetorical question – “Who are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes?” and let the MSM kill it.

            King of Hearts: What do you know about this unfortunate affair?
            March Hare: Nothing.
            Queen of Hearts: Nothing whatever?
            March Hare: Nothing whatever!
            Queen of Hearts: [shouts] That's very important! Jury, write that down!

To wit, the “secret” Halloween Alice in Wonderland Tea Party in the State Dining Room: it never happened. Well the “secret” part anyway. Our official story is the party was totally transparent. It’s not our fault if the only media who choose to report on the Tea Party was the Johnny Depp News:

Johnny Depp & Tim Burton were amoung (sic) the attendess (sic) at the Whitehouse Halloween Party and apparently Johnny was very popular with the children because of his Jack Sparrow character from Pirates Of The Caribbean. It is not known yet if Depp & Burton dressed up for the Party but we do know there was some characters (sic) from The Night Before Christmas and apparently a tea party with the Mad Hatter....could this have been Johnny Depp?

And even they failed to mention that Chewbacca (the original, compliments of George Lucas) was at the party too.

Big Guy with Chewbacca (on your right)

JDN did note, however: “See, this is why you want to grow up to be president, kids. You get to use your status as the most powerful man in the world to have R2-D2 stare down an Ent.” Wow! They nailed it didn’t they?

Little people with R2D2 and one of Tolkien’s giants at the Big White portico

And Fanpop even published a few pictures – they weren’t authorized of course, butt if the MSM had wanted to, they could have tracked them down. I mean, Fanpop is a major news outlet, right?

A family photo to cherish forever. Butt who’s the dweeb in the Shetland and button down?

Our own little Wonderland

And yes, these pictures were taken in the Big White Map Room. We still don’t have any pics from the “elaborately” decorated State Dining Room that Tim Burton turned into a creepy Alice in Wonderland motif: no phones or cameras were allowed in there!

You probably recognize the Map Room, it’s where Big Guy tapes his weekly addresses, and (possibly) some (illegal) campaign videos.

EEWWW! That is creepy! No, wait; that’s just our weekly taping session.

So, while this new “tell-me, tell-me” book may make the folks around here a little squeamish for a few days -

March Hare: I have an excellent idea, LETS CHANGE THE SUBJECT!

- it’s sure a lot better than talking about the other things that Fox news keeps trying to whip up and recirculate; like “unconstitutional appointments,” “decimating the military,” “$16 trillion dollar debt,” “Obamacare waivers for unions (that push members cost increases off till after the election),” “Solyndra-gate” or “Fast and Furious-gate.” Just to name a few.

And frankly, Lady M rather likes the image that is emerging of her in this tome: a take-charge, in control, one-woman powerhouse running the country from behind the scenes.

Cheshire Cat: All ways here you see, are the QUEEN'S WAYS!

           Cheshire Cat: You know? We could make her *really* angry! Shall we try?
           Alice: Oh, no, no!
           Cheshire Cat: Oh, but it's loads of fun!

Alice: And as for you... Your Majesty! Your Majesty indeed! Why, you're not a queen, [shrinking] but just a - a fat, pompous, bad tempered old ty...! [normal size] Tyrant.
Queen of Hearts: [giggles] And uh, just what were you saying, my dear?
Cheshire Cat: Why, she simply said that you're a fat, pompous, bad tempered old tyrant

I said, eat your *%#$&*# vegetables!

This message has been brought to you by the Campaign to Reelect the Cheshire Cat in Chief:

The Cheshire Cat, at night. Note: NOT racist. It’s a cat.

Linked By: Death By 1000 Papercuts, and NOBO2012 on a zillion sites including PJ Tatler, Thanks!

Michelle Obama’s Behind: the Scenes

2012-01-08T14:15:00.001-05:00

Lady M H/T’s Jodi Kantor: tell it, girl

I’ve finished reading my galley of Jodi’s new book. and it’s clear she has a blockbuster on her hands. I’m sure you’ve read the NYT and Huffpo accounts of Ms. Jodi Kantor’s book by now. There is so much good stuff in The Obamas that you might actually have to buy the book – butt I’ll do my best to cover the most important parts.

The book portrays Mrs. Obama as having gone through an evolution from struggle to fulfillment in her role at the White House but all the while an “unrecognized force” in pursuing the president’s goals.

The synopsis: unrecognized force meets immutable object:

Hijinks ensue:

Of course, most of the content getting media attention involves Lady M’s schtruggles and sacrificin’ since day one.

Let’s start at the beginning, the big move to the Big White:

As Michelle Obama realized over the summer and fall of 2008 that she was likely to become first lady, she asked a question that probably would have surprised outsiders: could she and her children delay moving to the White House? Perhaps it was better, she told aides and friends, to remain in Chicago until the end of the school year, giving her children more time to adjust, rather than coming right at the inauguration. Her notion, though short-lived, was telling: she didn’t understand or care what sort of message it would send to a public enthralled by the new first family. (Snip)

Initially, she had considered postponing her move to the White House for months; after arriving, she bristled at its confinements and obligations — unable to walk her dog without risking being photographed, and monitored by her husband’s aides for everything from how she decorated the family’s private quarters to whether she took makeup artists on overseas trips.

So there’s sacrifice number one: we moved into “the people’s house” – even though it was a fixer-upper.

Many of Lady M’s schtruggles documented in the book were with former senior staff members. The operative term here is “former.” :

New York Times reporter Jodi Kantor, in a book to be published Tuesday, portrays a White House where tensions developed between Mrs. Obama and former White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel and former press secretary and presidential adviser Robert Gibbs.

The book details how, through a whole bunch of sacrificin’ on Lady M’s part, she managed to get rid of all the trouble makers, one by one.

The first lady never confronted the advisers directly — that was not her way — but they found out about her displeasure from the president. “She feels as if our rudder isn’t set right,” Mr. Obama confided, according to aides.

Rahm Emanuel, then chief of staff, repeated the first lady’s criticisms to colleagues with indignation, according to three of them. Mr. Emanuel, in a brief interview, denied that he had grown frustrated with Mrs. Obama, but other advisers described a grim situation: a president whose agenda had hit the rocks, a first lady who disapproved of the turn the White House had taken, and a chief of staff who chafed against her influence.

Indeed, she didn’t confront the advisors, as “that was not her way.” Lady M has spent many years cultivating the more traditional passive aggressive hit job. So she brought Valarie along to do the dirty work.

"Can’t we all just get along kids?”

Lady M never approved of Big Guy’s pick of Rhambo as Chief of Staff in the first place and grew even less enamored as time went by.

Perhaps the greatest point of friction between Michelle Obama and Rahm Emanuel involved the push for health care reform...the first lady was skeptical of, if not outright opposed to, the backroom deals being cut to advance the legislation, wary that it would tarnish an image her husband had worked years to build. But the president, "his competitive juices stoked and his most important initiative on the line, did not halt his chief of staff's horse trading," writes Kantor.

When the whole enterprise seemed to have fallen apart, following the election of Massachusetts Sen. Scott Brown, a Republican, the first lady was furious. Instead of letting her husband down easy, which top staff hoped she would do, she lit into him.

"She feels as if our rudder isn't set right," the president told his aides. "They had the sense that was not the actual language she had used."

Hee. I can assure you that “was not the actual language she had used.”

“Now you listen to me Buhrock, your staff is a bunch of (expletives deleted)”

Kantor…reports that Michelle Obama had "doubts" about the choice of Emanuel as chief of staff. Emanuel, in turn, had been opposed to bringing Valerie Jarrett, the Obamas' longtime mentor, into the White House as a senior adviser.

"Michelle and Rahm Emanuel had almost no bond; their relationship was distant and awkward from the beginning. She had been skeptical of him when he was selected, and now he returned the favor; he was uneasy about first ladies in general, several aides close to him said, based on clashes with Hillary Clinton in the 1990s that became so severe that she had tried to fire him from her husband's administration," writes Kantor. "Now Emanuel was chief of staff, a position that almost never included an easy relationship with the first lady. They were the president's two spouses, in a sense, one public and official and one private and informal."

As you know, spouse number Won won. Not surprisingly, Rhambo was the first one under the bus headed back to Chicago.

Note to Mayor Rhambo: Do. Not. Mess. With. Lady M. Her balls are bigger than you balls

And Bobby Gibbs wasn’t a whole lot higher on her totem pole, even though he usually reported the news the way she wanted to have it told.

Baghdad Bob: put on your happy face

The tug of war between Michelle Obama and Rahm Emanuel for the president's spiritual or political soul contributed to a White House that was far more disorganized and friction-filled than the public perception holds. Kantor reports that then-White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs was often deployed to push back against the first lady, informing her that she couldn't take a private vacation on a state visit, spend large amounts on White House redecoration, or buy expensive clothes.

Mo used Val-Jar to set Bobby up, and like the political rookie he was, he took the bait. When Val-Jar reported that Lady M was not happy with the way Bobby handled the charge from the French press that Lady M told Carla that it “was hell” living in the Big White, and she hated it (of course we officially denied ever having said that) he went postal.

“That’s not right, I’ve been killing myself on this, where’s this coming from?” Mr. Gibbs yelled, adding expletives. He interrogated Ms. Jarrett, whose calm only seemed to frustrate him more. The two went back and forth, Ms. Jarrett unruffled, Mr. Gibbs shaking with rage. Finally, several staff members said, Mr. Gibbs cursed the first lady — colleagues stared down at the table, shocked — and stormed out.

He was the next one under the bus headed west for Chicago.

What part of “Don’t mess with Lady M” do you not understand?

Of course, you already know all about Desi’s short lived tenure in the Big White. While she “arrived in Washington to great fanfare, much of it her own making” it didn’t take her long to make enemies. So her departure came as no surprise, and it had less to do with her botched party throwing skills

Desi’s Gate-crashers

…and more to do with making Lady M look bad, both by correcting her in public…

Yet for someone with such a pitch-perfect sense of style and taste, she displayed startling levels of tone-deafness at times. At an event in the White House kitchen with students from L’Academie de Cuisine, Rogers openly corrected Michelle Obama on the name of a china pattern.

and making her butt look big:

Butt let’s face it, nobody felt bad about Desi getting thrown under the Chicago-bound bus.

Only the born-political animal, David Axelrod, managed to leave under his own terms, which included maintaining all his power and influence in return for getting Lady M and Big Guy reelected. Take note political neophytes: to be successful you must learn to be very circumspect in your speech:

“She has very much got his back,” said David Axelrod, Mr. Obama’s longtime strategist, in an interview. “When she thinks things have been mishandled or when things are off the track,” he continued, “she’ll raise it, because she’s hugely invested in him and has a sense of how hard he’s working, and wants to make sure everybody is doing their work properly.”

while still being willing to say anything. In fact, if you just focus on that last part, you should be golden. Just ask any political hack worth their salt.

There’s also a section in the book that some people are trying to turn into big hoop-la about our private Halloween party in ‘09, following our public Halloween party.

A White House “Alice in Wonderland” costume ball — put on by Johnny Depp and Hollywood director Tim Burton — proved to be a Mad-as-a-Hatter idea that was never made public for fear of a political backlash during hard economic times, according to a new tell-all.

“White House officials were so nervous about how a splashy, Hollywood-esque party would look to jobless Americans — or their representatives in Congress, who would soon vote on health care — that the event was not discussed publicly and Burton’s and Depp’s contributions went unacknowledged,” the book says.

However, the White House made certain that more humble Halloween festivities earlier that day — for thousands of Washington-area schoolkids — were well reported by the press corps

You probably remember my coverage of the event at the time. Butt even I was banned from reporting on the private party in the dining room, decorated in a creepy Alice in Wonderland theme.

You may recall, I did post pictures of the Wons in their costumes a bit later.

I would just ask you to keep in mind that - although it may have been just a wee bit over the top at a time when unemployment was (officially) at 10% – it was, after all, just a tea party!

Sheeze – a lot of people who saw that the country was sliding further and further into the rabbit hole were holding tea parties of their own all around town at the same time.

There’s a lot more in Jodi’s book. Butt even I have had enough for one day. I will give you the Shakespearean version at a later date.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Winds Of Jihad, and Tweeted By: Zilla of the Resistance,Thanks!

ZILLA HAS THE BESTEST AWARDS. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE

2012-01-07T19:51:00.001-05:00

Zilla of the Resistance has just announced her Awards for Awesomeness and guess what? We’re all winners!

Best Place for Mocking the Obamas: MOTUS

Most Fun Comments Sections to Hang Out In: MOTUS andiOwnTheWorld

First Class Snark: Waznmentobe, iOwnTheWorld, Moonbattery, MOTUS, and, Doug Ross

That’s us, people! The mockers, the commenters the snarkers! So take a bow and congratulations all around for contributing to Team MOTUS’ big, big win!

And a big big thanks to Zilla for the honor. As well as congratulations to all her other winners (especially our own Granny Jan, Bunni and Adrienne, and our most loyal and faithful linkers Larwyn and Doug Ross).

So go check out Zilla’s complete list and visit any of the sites you’re not already familiar with: they’re all great. Otherwise, would they be winners? I think not.

Welcome to the first annual Zilla Awards for Awesomeness in the Dextrosphere! Conservative Bloggers may be the Chopped Liver of the Right, but in my eyes they are the finest cuts of the very best red meat, and now it is time to recognize the bestiest of that best. Here are your winners of the Zilla Awards for Awesomeness in the Dextrosphere who kicked ass all over the interwebz in 2011:

ZILLA OF THE RESISTANCE

Best Artist: Bosch Fawstin

Best Place for Mocking the Obamas: MOTUS

Entertainment Industry Awesomeness: FilmLadd

Best New Blogs: The Prophet’s Mercy, Liberated, and The Daily Stink

Multi-Media: DaTechguy’s Blog

Best Original Reporting: The Other McCain and DaTechguy’s Blog

Best New York Blog: The Lonely Conservative

Best New Jersey Blog: WyBlog

Best Canadian Blog: Blazing Cat Fur

Best at Advocating for the Hitting of Bloggers’ Tip Jars: The Other McCain, The Sundries Shack, DaTechguy, The Conservatory

Most Under-Appreciated: The Other McCain

Righteous Badassery: Bare Naked Islam (note: due to incessant whining and threats from sharia pushing terror tied islamic supremacist Muslim Brotherhood front group CAIR, BNI is being forced off of WordPress and will soon be found at its new location,BareNakedIslam.com)

Most Eloquent and Powerful Writing: Sultan Knish

Most Fun Comments Sections to Hang Out In: MOTUS andiOwnTheWorld

Blogging Super Couple (U.S.A.): Always on Watch and Mr. Always On Watch

Blogging Super Couple (Canada): Blazing Cat Fur and Five Feet of Fury

Mighty Warrior for Freedom and Human Rights: Atlas Shrugs

Scholarly Counter-jihad: Jihad Watch

Bold and Fun to Read Counter-jihad: Winds of Jihad by SheikYerMami

Counter-jihad With a Specialty in Advocating for Persecuted Christians in the Balkans: 1389 Blog

Best Early Morning News Links: Wombat Socho at The Other McCain and From the Desk of Lady Liberty

Best Daily Blogger Link-Around: Larwyn’s Linx at Doug Ross

Most Helpful to New and Smaller Blogs: Doug Ross, Blazing Cat Fur, and iOwnTheWorld

Best at Providing Miraculous Surges in Blog Traffic: Instapundit

Best Weekly Round-up of Fellow Bloggers’ Blog Posts:Conservative Hideout, Teresamerica, Proof Positive, and Eye of Polyphemous

Best Place to Find Cuteness: Amusing Bunni’s Musings

Best Catholic Blog: Catholic Bandita

Nicest Bloggers: Adrienne’s Corner, Bread Upon The Waters,DaTechguy’s Blog, The Sundries Shack, Pundit & Pundette, and, The Lonely Conservative

Best Pro-Life Advocacy: Catholic Bandita, and Pundit & Pundette

Hardest Working Blogger: Robert Stacy McCain - The Other McCain

Best Blogger Sidekick: Smitty - The Other McCain

Best Blogs from Kick-ass U.S. Military Vets: Knuckledraggin my life away and The Anti-Liberal Zone

Best Blogs by Professors: American Power, Legal Insurrection,Instapundit

Best Blogging by a Blogger while on Active Duty in the Military: Smitty at The Other McCain

Best All-Around Blogging: Maggie’s Notebook, iOwnTheWorld,The Lonely Conservative, Doug Ross, Nice Deb, The Other McCain,Pundit & Pundette, and, Gateway Pundit

Fantastic Jewish Bloggers: Atlas Shrugs, Elder of Ziyon, Sultan Knish, YID With LID, Bare Naked Islam

New Blog with Really Funny Cartoons: The Morlock Revolt

First Class Snark: Waznmentobe, iOwnTheWorld, Moonbattery,MOTUS, and, Doug Ross

Best Videos: Granny Jan and Jihad Kitty

Best Brainy Blog that is also Fun to Read: Fuzzy Logic

Most Thoughtful Blogger: Adrienne’s Corner

Best Bumper Sticker Photos: Legal Insurrection

Best Reference Source for the Counter Jihad: The Religion of Peace

Most Prolific: Instapundit

Best Place to Find New Ideas to Blog About: Instapundit and The Religion of Peace

Thanks again Zilla, for a very exciting Saturday!

Oh oh! All Cake, No Frosting.

2012-01-07T11:37:00.001-05:00

Oy Vey! Jodi Kantor’s new book is coming out Tuesday and the newspaper of ~~the adored~~ record has already run a preview.

The long long knives that are going to be out at the GOP debate tonight will look like butter knives compared to this slice and dice.

I’m still working my way through the galley copy so I won’t be able to give you a full report until tomorrow. Butt I can tell you this: I’m glad I’m still on the road. After reading the first few chapters, I can assure you that somewhere in the Big White right now, paint is peeling off the walls and glassware is being shattered.

To say Jodi hasn’t painted one of the pretty pictures of MO that we’re accustomed to getting from our lapdogs is an understatement.

Looking lovely on the outside, butt seething beneath the surface? Jodi thinks so.

It will make yesterday’s controversy, as relayed by cub reporter Anonymouse, about the racist depiction of Lady M as Michelle Antoinette seem like child’s play. Although the tome does seem to play into the NON-racist interpretation of the meaning behind the depiction: Lady M as a model of imperialism extraordinaire.

Butt that was just intended to be a joke - as illustrated in this creatively staged-for-amusement-purposes-only pose of Lady M in her "let them eat cake" mode.

Ah tell you Miz Scarlet, life in this Big White House is hell! Pure Hell ah say.

From what I’ve read so far, Jodi seems to have taken that meme a bridge too far.

So after I finish my road trip today, I’ll try to complete my reading assignment so I can post my book report tomorrow.

Yeah, we’re all cool here. Just busy sacrificin’ on Martha’s Vineyard. Goes with the territory.

From the road, somewhere in flyover, this is MOTUS, signing off.

Help Wanted: Adult monitors for recess

2012-01-06T10:38:00.001-05:00

Sorry, I’m a little behind due to my road trip through what’s known in Washington only as “fly over” butt I’ll try to catch up:

First, of course, was last week’s signing of the National Defense Authorization Act that has some people’s head in a tizzy just because it gives Big Guy the power to suspend habeas corpus and detain U.S. citizens pretty much at will. Butt we don’t need to worry about that because Big Guy has assured us he won’t use those powers (unless he has to).

Then of course we have the three recess appointments to the NLRB and Richard Cordray as Czar of the new “Consumer Financial Protection Bureau” – an agency dreamed up by Lizzie Warren, class warrior and protector of the little people. People seem to be complaining that these appointments aren’t constitutional just because, well, Congress wasn’t technically in recess or something. Honestly, can you believe the conservatives’ insistence on rules and following rules? Don’t they know that Big Guy’s agenda is too big and too important to be thwarted by silly little sticking points such as constitutionality?

“I refuse to take ‘No’ for an answer. I’ve said before that I will continue to look for every opportunity to work with Congress to move this country forward. But when Congress refuses to act in a way that hurts our economy and puts people at risk, I have an obligation as president to do what I can without them,” Mr. Obama said.

“I refuse to take ‘No’ for an answer”? Is that legal? Some people don’t seem to think so:

“The precedent that would be set by this cavalier action would have a devastating effect on the checks and balances that are enshrined in our Constitution,”

Then there was the announcement yesterday of our new slimmed down military. Lady M is so totally onboard with this, as it tracks right along with her program for ending obesity in America – where ever we find it - in just one generation. Who ever thought that she and Big Guy might actually be able to accomplish that objective?

As for Big Guy, he just saw it as logical next step towards redirecting funds from the military to his civilian national security force:

We cannot continue to rely on our military in order to achieve the national security objectives we’ve set. We’ve got to have a civilian national security force that’s just as powerful, just as strong, just as well-funded.

So if there’s anyone out there surprised by Big Guy’s latest deconstruction of what used to be “our national security force to achieve our national security objectives,” it’s only because they weren’t paying attention. I mean it’s not as if Big Guy didn’t announce his plans back on the campaign trail in ‘08. Shame on you if you if you just mistook it for more political swagger.

On the other hand, if you assumed that Big Guy is just full of swagger, you could be forgiven, as he certainly has demonstrated a good deal of it:

I think he sometimes does it just to throw the R-words off their game. And conceal his true motives.

Butt I have to admit, lately he’s been sporting a pretty bodacious swag:

“just as strong, just as powerful, just as well funded”

Note: uniforms by Armani

Linked by American Digest, and Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Betty Jean at TheConnectionLucianne.com, Thanks!

After America World

2012-01-05T12:14:00.001-05:00

Well, I can’t report just yet on the results of my secret auditions for FLOTUS here at the GOP Bowl in Des Moines, butt as soon as I finish tabulating the scores, I’ll post the results and let you all vote on a potential R-word FLOTUS.

Until then, here’s a little story unrelated to the GOP Bowl. File it away under “Iron Curtain Irony”. Zbigniew Brzezinski (father of Ms.NBC’s “you’re diving deep into the Obama tank” Mika Brzeinski) is now whining that “after America” the world may well devolve into a big hot mess.

Ziggy & the second worst US President of all time

Ziggi’s Little Princess

Aside from the obvious irony of this observation coming from Zbigniew, who has actively worked towards that end ever since his emigration from his native Poland, he’s a bit late to the party. Mark Steyn has been all over this issue for a long time. Here’s an excellent Mark-on-Mark interview with Mark Levin talking to Mark Steyn about his book After America.

I guess now that it appears Big Guy may be bringing Soviet era bread lines to the Big Apple, Zigi regrets working so diligently for CHANGE?

No one has worked harder to ensure the “after America” scenario than Zbigniew. Other than Big Guy of course.

Reporting from America’s heartland, this is MOTUS.

LINKED BY PUNDETTE – THANKS!

Win by 3, or win by 8: “everything after ‘win’ is just paperwork”

2012-01-04T10:47:00.001-05:00

This just in: Michigan wins the Sugar Bowl by 3; Mitt wins the GOP Bowl by 8. By all accounts, both were ugly wins.

Here’s a recap on Michigan’s strategy for a win:

Let's begin on fourth-and-1 near midfield in the fourth quarter, when Virginia Tech had two options and went for the third.

Which is not unlike Mitt’s victory strategy: Iowans had thirteen options and went for two.

Meanwhile, Big Guy went back to Iowa for a victory lap via a web-exclusive address arranged by his techno-geek whiz-kids who have super-fantabulous social media skills.

“President Obama tried to steal a piece of the Iowa spotlight tonight with a nostalgia-filled live address to his Democratic supporters over the internet, at times hampered by static and sporadic audio interruptions that made him difficult to understand.”

I dunno, techie-boyz: next time I might just go with Skype

I don’t want to rain on Devin Dwyer’s parade, butt I don’t really think that the “static and sporadic audio interruptions” made Big Guy that much harderer to understand than usual:

Butt I will say this: Mitt wins on the “rockin’ a pair of mom jeans” front:

As for rockin’ a boob belt, well, you decide. Butt keep in mind, Ann really doesn’t really know very much about boob-belts yet so she’s sportin’ it on her waist. How fashion backward is that?

Back to the caucuses though: 25,000 Iowans showed up last night at Democratic caucuses to watch Big Guy on the Big Screen. And while that’s impressive, it’s 215,000 fewer than showed up back in 2008, the year BO was nostalgically recalling. That year, 240,000 Iowans showed up at the Caucuses, and over 90,000 of them voted for Big Guy. Butt since we weren’t running against Hillary and John Edwards this time around we didn’t need to bus in our auxiliary staff and caucutators. So the numbers were down slightly, like 90%.

What a difference a caucus makes

See what I mean? The years have not been kind to everyone:

Smile John, pretend it’s not a mugshot

Smile Hil, pretend you’re not a hot mess working for your most despised enemy…

Smile BO, you 'da man!

Some of us seem to have weathered the shoals of a brutal election cycle just fine, managing to keep our chins up somehow.

Lady M and Big Guy working the Iowans at the 2008 Jefferson-Jackson Day pre-caucus Dinner

Yes, some of us look even better now than we did four years ago.

I attribute it all to healthy living -

…and being proud of your country for the first time in your adult life.

What else could it be?

I mean besides makeup, photoshop and cosmetic chops?

Our Great Big Post-Modern Campaign Poster Contest

2012-01-03T09:49:00.001-05:00

So sad: leaving Hawaii. It’s kind of like leaving Las Vegas, only not as empty handed.

Butt we’re back in D.C. now; the eagle officially landing at 6:50 am.

Happy family, as always, returning to the Big White

We wrapped up our last full day in Big Guy’s alleged birth state with a nice adult-only dinner (and nice adult beverages) at Nobu Waikiki Sunday night:

Nobu specialties: yellowtail sashimi jalapeno and miso marinated black cod

Then we went back to the compound in order to let staff pack up for our departure last night:

Rested. Ready to take on any of those wascally Weepublicans, all of whom "support the failed policies of past." As opposed to the failed policies of the present.

And here we are – back in freezing, gridlocked Washington:

Paparazzi alert. Smile!

And happy to be here! We are so ready to get back to work on for the American people! In fact, Big Guy’s unofficially launching his reelection campaign tonight with a live Web-feed video chat with his Iowa caucus delegates. So we’ve got our priorities straight. There’s no way we can get our job done around here if we don’t first get reelected.

Besides, does anyone really think that Iran is serious about all that saber rattling? And even if they are, don’t worry, if the Iranians actually decide to close the straits of Hormuz or fire off some nuclear warheads, we’ll buy them off by giving them a few more of our super-secret fighter jets to play with.

Anyway, back to the exciting campaign, here’s a little sneak preview. As you know, we’ve been floating a lot of different WTF strategies, butt now we’ve settled on a theme: Blame the Republicans. And their Do-nothing Congress. (H/T Teddy Roosevelt) Combined with constant reminders of the “breathtaking greed” (Wall Street, Republicans, Romney – get it?) that drove us into the ditch in the first place, the boyz around here figure they’ve nailed it. Our polls indicated we were losing traction with the “hang it on Bush” meme, butt nothing augers for a huge populist win like a good old fashioned class war.

Here’s how Peter Wehner explains it:

…the president is planning to step up his offensive against an unpopular Congress, concluding that he cannot pass any major legislation in 2012 because of Republican hostility to his agenda. He intends to “hammer the theme of economic justice for ordinary Americans rather than continue his legislative battles with Congress,”

even though, as Peter notes, Big Guy got almost everything he asked for during his first two years:

Moreover, Obama, during the first two years of his presidency, was enormously successful in getting his agenda enacted into law. He got almost everything he wanted, which some of us believe is precisely the problem. And to the extent that we’re facing a “do-nothing” Congress today, the responsibility lies with the Democratically-controlled Senate, not the GOP House. These days the Senate (which has not passed a budget in more than 900 days) is the place legislation goes to die.

Butt in an electoral campaign, truth is always subservient to the expedient:

But to really enter the Twilight Zone, consider these two priceless sentences from the Times story: “Winning a full-year extension of the payroll tax, Mr. Earnest said, will still be a top priority. He noted that House Republicans were now also arguing that it should be extended for a year, after some initially opposed extending it at all.”

Come again? On December 13, the GOP House passed a full-year extension of the payroll tax cut – and was promptly criticized by – you guessed it — the president. Obama favored a much shorter, two-month extension. House Republicans, under intense political pressure, eventually agreed to the two-month extension. Now the White House is declaring a full-year extension is a “top priority.” Yet as recently as three weeks ago the opposition to the president’s “top priority” came not from House Republicans but from Obama himself.

We are now reaching the point in which the president is running a truly post-modern campaign, in which there is no objective truth but simply narrative. Obama’s campaign isn’t simply distorting the facts; it is inverting them. This kind of thing isn’t unusual to find in the academy. But to see a president and his campaign so thoroughly deconstruct truth in order to maintain power is quite rare. The sheer audacity of Obama’s cynicism is a wonder of the modern world.

H/T Instapundit

So you see what we’re up against: more GOP lies and distortions. Butt really, who doesn’t love a good post-modern campaign?

Were just having a little trouble settling on our official 2012 campaign poster. Which one do you like best? I can’t guarantee we’ll go with the one that gets the most votes, since I understand we’re waiving certain democratic rules until we get this country back on the right track, butt it might make you feel better to cast your vote anyway.

Poster Candidates for our Post-Modern WTF Campaign

#1, compliments of ThePeoplesCube:

Alternate contact: AttackWatch.com

Or, Poster #2, compliments of, well, moi:

Polls will remain open until 11:59 ET Wednesday, and as always, Chicago rules apply.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Attercliffe on Lucianne, Thanks!

Michelle Obama's Mirror

Our Most Populist President Ever

TOTUS GOES ROGUE

Frackin’ Genius

Turkey Day: Thin skinned, Breasts and Necks. Mmm, mmm mmm!

This SOTU proudly brought to you by the Soros Fund

SOTU: It’s Not Just A Drinking Game Anymore

We Are Not Worthy.

Get out of here! And take your little dog with you.

Putting America Back to Work. One Recess Appointment at a Time.

Buy Won, Get Won Free!

From “We Can’t Wait” to WTF: who needs Jobs anyway?

Barbarians at the Gate - While the Won % Ate.

Bitch Stole My Look!®

Mayday! Mayday! S.O.S. WTF?

iFLOTUS, uBET’cha!

iCarly. uRacist.

Our Run-Away Election Campaign

Run-a-way Win: It’s all Legal

Lady M Does Damage Control: Watch It Sucka!

Day by Daley CHANGEs

One of these days Alice, one of these days!

Michelle Obama’s Behind: the Scenes

ZILLA HAS THE BESTEST AWARDS. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE

Zilla of the Resistance has just announced her Awards for Awesomeness and guess what? We’re all winners!

Best Artist: Bosch Fawstin

Best Place for Mocking the Obamas: MOTUS

Entertainment Industry Awesomeness: FilmLadd

Best New Blogs: The Prophet’s Mercy, Liberated, and The Daily Stink

Multi-Media: DaTechguy’s Blog

Best Original Reporting: The Other McCain and DaTechguy’s Blog

Best New York Blog: The Lonely Conservative

Best New Jersey Blog: WyBlog

Best Canadian Blog: Blazing Cat Fur

Best at Advocating for the Hitting of Bloggers’ Tip Jars: The Other McCain, The Sundries Shack, DaTechguy, The Conservatory

Most Under-Appreciated: The Other McCain

Righteous Badassery: Bare Naked Islam (note: due to incessant whining and threats from sharia pushing terror tied islamic supremacist Muslim Brotherhood front group CAIR, BNI is being forced off of WordPress and will soon be found at its new location,BareNakedIslam.com)

Most Eloquent and Powerful Writing: Sultan Knish

Most Fun Comments Sections to Hang Out In: MOTUS andiOwnTheWorld

Blogging Super Couple (U.S.A.): Always on Watch and Mr. Always On Watch

Blogging Super Couple (Canada): Blazing Cat Fur and Five Feet of Fury

Mighty Warrior for Freedom and Human Rights: Atlas Shrugs

Scholarly Counter-jihad: Jihad Watch

Bold and Fun to Read Counter-jihad: Winds of Jihad by SheikYerMami

Counter-jihad With a Specialty in Advocating for Persecuted Christians in the Balkans: 1389 Blog

Best Early Morning News Links: Wombat Socho at The Other McCain and From the Desk of Lady Liberty

Best Daily Blogger Link-Around: Larwyn’s Linx at Doug Ross

Most Helpful to New and Smaller Blogs: Doug Ross, Blazing Cat Fur, and iOwnTheWorld

Best at Providing Miraculous Surges in Blog Traffic: Instapundit

Best Weekly Round-up of Fellow Bloggers’ Blog Posts:Conservative Hideout, Teresamerica, Proof Positive, and Eye of Polyphemous

Best Place to Find Cuteness: Amusing Bunni’s Musings

Best Catholic Blog: Catholic Bandita

Nicest Bloggers: Adrienne’s Corner, Bread Upon The Waters,DaTechguy’s Blog, The Sundries Shack, Pundit & Pundette, and, The Lonely Conservative

Best Pro-Life Advocacy: Catholic Bandita, and Pundit & Pundette

Hardest Working Blogger: Robert Stacy McCain - The Other McCain

Best Blogger Sidekick: Smitty - The Other McCain

Best Blogs from Kick-ass U.S. Military Vets: Knuckledraggin my life away and The Anti-Liberal Zone

Best Blogs by Professors: American Power, Legal Insurrection,Instapundit

Best Blogging by a Blogger while on Active Duty in the Military: Smitty at The Other McCain

Best All-Around Blogging: Maggie’s Notebook, iOwnTheWorld,The Lonely Conservative, Doug Ross, Nice Deb, The Other McCain,Pundit & Pundette, and, Gateway Pundit

Fantastic Jewish Bloggers: Atlas Shrugs, Elder of Ziyon, Sultan Knish, YID With LID, Bare Naked Islam

New Blog with Really Funny Cartoons: The Morlock Revolt

First Class Snark: Waznmentobe, iOwnTheWorld, Moonbattery,MOTUS, and, Doug Ross

Best Videos: Granny Jan and Jihad Kitty

Best Brainy Blog that is also Fun to Read: Fuzzy Logic

Most Thoughtful Blogger: Adrienne’s Corner

Best Bumper Sticker Photos: Legal Insurrection

Best Reference Source for the Counter Jihad: The Religion of Peace

Most Prolific: Instapundit

Best Place to Find New Ideas to Blog About: Instapundit and The Religion of Peace

Oh oh! All Cake, No Frosting.

Help Wanted: Adult monitors for recess

After America World

Win by 3, or win by 8: “everything after ‘win’ is just paperwork”

Our Great Big Post-Modern Campaign Poster Contest