Health care, not a choice. Vegetables, not a choice. Next?

Ok, you’ve had your fun, enough already. Yes, I know Lady M dressed like a box of Crayons and stuck her tongue out: she was just getting in touch with her inner child (again). Butt really, don’t we have bigger fish to fry – rhetorically speaking?

The wrinkly knee look is very big this year

And there’s no truth that we were paid to lobby for, respectively, the republics of Columbia, Romania, Transylvania or Chad.

               

               

Nor were we doing product placement for McDonald’s, Burger King or M & Ms.

               

Also, I would like to note that while they were offered, Lady M declined the free pair of Ked’s SuperMom high tops – even though they were specially designed to go with her Easter Roll outfit.

Plus, I see no point in discussing Lady M’s proclivity for sticking her tongue out somewhat inappropriately at these Easter Egg Rolls.

 

Easter Roll 2011, left; 2012 right.

It’s just that we keep inviting world famous chefs (Wolfgang Puck last year and Marcus Samuelsson this) Their food is just so darn yummy, they had everyone lickin’ their lips!

Lady M used yesterday’s Egg Roll as an opportunity to hector lecture share a learning moment with parents - who were slightly surprised as they thought they were invited to the Big White for their kids to gather some chocolate bunnies and eggs:

While she helped the children make shrimp and vegetable tacos, the First Lady spoke to parents about tips to encourage their kids to eat vegetables.

"If we have [too many] fried chicken and the carb-heavy dinners, the kind we all love, we're not setting our kids up for success."

Adding,

"Veggies aren't really a choice," she added. "We think they are, but they're not."

Yikes! I hope she doesn’t intend to tell Denise Ilitch that.

Denise (daughter of Little Caesar’s founders Mike and Marion Ilitch) is throwing Big Guy a solid sterling silver pizza party in Detroit later this month. All of Big Guy’s executives from GM and Chrysler will be there to  return the bailout favor by ponying up $40k each to get their picture taken with their personal savior - plus all the pizza they can eat!

Butt seriously: "Veggies aren't really a choice?"  Are you kidding me! The Ilitchs practically invented pepperoni pizza! And they did invent the two-for-one pizza deal later known as Pizza!Pizza!®, a concept that I can report used to rate very highly on Lady M’s go-to meal list.

 

Butt ok, have it your way: if veggies are your one true love

Go right ahead and have your Little Caesars “not a choice” vegetarian pizza if you “must”

or, if you’re a real American, exercise your right to live free or die:

 

Pizza!Pizza!®

Butt I think I should warn Big Guy before he goes to Detroit for the pizza party, they’ve taken Chicago rules to another whole level. So don’t even think about whining about people teasing you about your big ears.

Because not only did Detroit invent Pizza! Pizza!, they invented bullies too.

So ok, do we have an agreement? More personal choices, less whining?

Oh, and speaking of whining: apparently we’ve temporarily suspended the $10 off sale on  our O-Hoodies. Due to a bunch of conservatives blowing the whole thing out of proportion, as usual.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and anyonebutbarry2012 on GrettaWire, Thanks!

Don’t Blame Us for the Rotten Eggs Around Here

Before getting on with the egg roll  (which officially started at 7:30 AM!) I just want to clarify something from yesterday. For those of you who thought Lady M was sporting a new frock fro yesterday’s trip to St. John’s Episcopal Church for Easter Sunday services: 

Wrong! This is an election year, remember? We are being quite frugal with the peasants taxpayers money and will be recycling our designer frocks as often as possible, especially now that some of them fit us again after losing our “freshman 15.”

This little number for example debuted 3 years ago on our first historic European tour de force. I’m sure you remember; we were still going through our awkward phase as FLOTUS:

     

“What to wear? What to do with the arms?”

The complete Thakoon (is that racist?) ensemble included a “Pussy Bowed” (not my term) coat with light on dark print paired with a Jackie sheath with the reverse, dark on light print. Clever: reversing the negative.

Now that we’ve completely grown into our roll, we’re wearing our reverse negative image a bit more casually. (And we’re working on growing into our cheek injections.)

             

And the mini-me sweater? Also not new.

               

Now, onto the really big Egg Roll, aka, “Let’s Go, Let’s Play, Let’s Move!” Although last year’s official theme was “Get Up and Go!” technically this year’s theme is recycled too.

We did make a new, special video for this year’s event though, which will be running in a constant loop on the Rockin’ Egg Roll Stage. Possibly because we didn’t really get much in the way of real entertainment this year: “Janelle Monae, Cody Simpson, Rachel Crow, Sesame Street, Zendaya, China Ann McClain and the McClain Sisters.” ???

Sheeze, just because Barbra Streisand isn’t going to sing at our fund raiser next month doesn’t mean that none of the A-listers have to show up any more, does it?

We had some real pros helping us produce this video: the GSA prize winning video production team, unexpectedly made available to us last week after being shut down due to a bad rap.

Anyway, I thought you might enjoy previewing the preview. Participating in the Bunny Hop this year, in addition to our in-house cotton tails, are Joey and Dr. Jill, as well as another real familiar face (also unexpectedly made available last week), Keith Olbermann. So here’s our post Easter, pre-Egg Roll, out-take:

We’re bringing Keith on board as a special assistant to our WTF campaign ( although I guess we haven’t actually settled on an official campaign slogan yet. ) It’s sort of a test-drive to see if he’s a good fit for our Minister of Unapologetic Apologies campaign opening.

Keith in his last Howard Beale roll

He’s clearly qualified in this area. Here’s how he handled his own unapologetic apology:

In his first TV appearance since his ouster from Current TV last week, Keith Olbermann told David Letterman on The Late Show Tuesday that “I screwed up really big.”

“Let’s just start there,” said Olbermann, according to an early transcript provided by CBS.  “I thought we could do this.  It’s my fault that it didn’t succeed in the sense that I didn’t think the whole thing through.  I didn’t say, ‘you know, if you buy a $10 million chandelier, you should have a house to put it in. Just walking around with a $10 million chandelier isn’t going to do anybody a lot of good, and it’s not going to do any good to the chandelier.’  And then it turned out we didn’t have a lot to put the house on to put the chandelier in, or a building permit, and I, I should have known that.  And it is, it is my fault at heart …

I think he’s a natural for our opening. In fact, Big Guy is so totally on board with the analogy: he, too, thinks of himself as a $10 million chandelier, shining a light on the darkness that is America. And not that America didn’t have a house to hang it (although the Big White could use a little sprucing up) butt BO doesn’t believe that some of us recognize just how much light he has brought already:

 The Lightbringer: clean, green. Shield your eyes. And your wallet.

Anyway, if the Minister of UA goes well with Keith, we may create a new permanent position for him: Blame Shifting Czar. Job description as follows:

Blame Shifting

Blaming others can lead to a "kick-the-dog effect" where individuals in a hierarchy blame their immediate subordinate, and this propagates down the hierarchy until the lowest rung (the "dog"). A 2009 experimental study has shown that blaming can be contagious even for uninvolved onlookers.

As a propaganda technique

Blame is closely associated with labeling theory, in that when intentional actors act out to continuously blame an individual for nonexistent psychological traits, and for nonexistent variables, the actors aim to induce irrational guilt at an unconscious level. It is a propaganda tactic, to use repetitive blaming behaviors, innuendos, and hyperbole in order to assign negative status to normative humans. When innocent people are blamed fraudulently for nonexistent psychological states and nonexistent behaviors, and there is no qualifying deviance for the blaming behaviors, the intention is to create a negative valuation of innocent humans to induce fear, by using fear mongering. Blaming in the form of demonization has been used by governments for centuries to influence public perceptions of various other governments, to induce feelings of nationalism in the public. Blame can be utilized to objectify people, groups, and nations, which can typically negatively influence the intended subjects of propaganda, compromising their objectivity. Blame is utilized as a social control technique.

Big Guy knows exactly what he’s looking for in this position, having a long history of blame shifting himself, beginning with 9-11. Like constitutional law, he has a great deal of personal experience blaming stuff on other people. Since Rush compiled his list last August we’ve added to it Bush (again), Iran, Israel, Congress, Big Oil, racists and Republicans.

Come to think of it, I’m not even sure why we need another Blame Shifting Czar.

Barack Hussein Obama: Blaming Everyone Else Since 1-20-09

And now, I’ve got to get back to the Egg Rolls.

Oh, and in case you were busy with your own egg rolls yesterday, hop on over here to see Big Guy OCCUPY Little Bo. Kinda’ creepy, don’t you think?

 

Technorati Tags: easter eggs,easter bunny,easter sunday

Heating up our voting blocks: Jews, Girls, Greenies and more.

*Sigh* Some people will complain about anything:

Big Guy’s Seder Dinner last night

“One of the most disturbing aspects of modern American Jewish life is the almost obsessive desire of many Jews to universalize every aspect of Jewish belief while downplaying the original meanings of customs and ritual. Leftist Rabbi Arthur Waskow help set this in motion decades ago with his “Freedom Seder” in which he hijacked the Haggadah recited by Jews on Passover to promote other causes. Since then, transposing the seder in order to morph the Jewish holiday that celebrates the freedom of the Jewish people into something that has nothing to do with the Jews and Judaism has become so commonplace it is something of a cliché.”

As if Big Guy would use his Passover message to politicize anything. Just because we’re in the middle of the most important reelection campaign in the history of the world:

The story of the Exodus is thousands of years old, but it remains as relevant as ever. Throughout our history, there are those who have targeted the Jewish people for harm - a fact we were so painfully reminded of just a few weeks ago in Toulouse. Just as throughout history, there have been those who have sought to oppress others because of their faith, ethnicity or color of their skin…

There was no mention of the son Big Guy never had, butt he was clearly on his mind:

Once we have passed from bondage to liberty, how do we make the most of all that God has given us? This question may never be resolved, but throughout the years, the search for answers has deepened the Jewish people's commitment to repairing the world, and inspired American Jews to help make our union more perfect. And the story of that first Exodus has also inspired those who are not Jewish with common hopes, and a common sense of obligation.

Ed Schapiro tells us to get out our de-coder rings for this one:

The key phrase here is “make our union more perfect.” Obama typically uses that phrase when discussing racial divisions in America. His famous race speech in 2008 in which he threw Jeremiah Wright under the bus, for example, was titled, “A More Perfect Union.”

Butt I wouldn’t get too excited about Big Guy “politicizing” Passover. It’s not as if the Jews have been singled out as an “interest group” that he’s courting for reelection. Anymore than women were being targeted yesterday at Big Guy’s Big White Forum on Women and the Economy.

“Vote for me and the oceans will recede, your contraceptives will be paid for and dry cleaners will no longer be allowed to charge more for blouses than men’s shirts.”

No. It’s just that our historical, most ecumenical president ever, celebrates the holidays of all religions of the world, in HOPE of picking up a few more votes along the way. It’s really non-partisan. See for yourself:

 Past Passovers:

Could I get a little bacon in my matzo ball soup?

 Hanukah,

 Ramadan, of course; here, here and here:

Christmas:Our First Big White Christmas

Kwanzaa:

“Michelle and I extend our warmest thoughts and wishes to all those who are celebrating Kwanzaa this holiday season. Today is the first of a joyful seven-day celebration of African-American culture and heritage. The seven principles of Kwanzaa — Unity, Self-Determination, Collective Work and Responsibility, Cooperative Economics, Purpose, Creativity and Faith — are some of the very values that make us Americans.”

That part about “collective work and responsibility” – not really all that American though. Unless you’re a member of the Symbionese Liberation Army.

The SLS should not to be confused with the New Black Panther Party,

also an offshoot of the original Black Liberation Army, butt whose holidays we don’t officially celebrate.

Easter:

which we’ve celebrated every year we’ve been here. (Although there was that one year when things didn’t go so well. Warning: very scary.)

Spring Roll Run-through: with Peeps

Diwali (Hindu/Sikh Festival of lights),

…once even traveling all the way to India with Lady M to celebrate the Festival of Lights with the a group of local dancers:

Festivus (the Festival of Grievances and Feats of Strength):

We’ve pretty much been airing our grievances and flexing our muscles since we got here.

Thermo (high holy day of the religion of Thermology^*)

^*Thermology. A godless religion that worships environmentalism and rails against the satanic forces of industry and capitalism. The religion is based on the(unsubstantiated) belief that earth achieved its ideal temperature in 1906 and has been rising,to our detriment, ever since. Adherents of the religion are required to accept this basic premise on faith and do whatever is necessary to reduce Earth’s fever so as to return it to the pristine state of the Belle Époque. Once that ideal state has been attained, it is mankind’s responsibility to maintain earth’s perfect temperature in perpetuity. 

The Church of Thermology (aka the Church of Immaculate Deception) requires its members to participate in cleansing and purification rituals that include the rejection of the evil  element carbon, while simultaneously embracing Whole Foods, Priuses and South American dictators.

So tomorrow, in another show of ecumenism, the Wons are off to the Christian church of their choice (TBD) to celebrate the Resurrection of Global Warming. Even though it looked as though it was all a big hoax, it has mysteriously risen from the dead.

Just a point of clarification: no one in the Administration practices and/or celebrates any aspect of the Voodoo religion.

Code Pink! And Yellow! And Green!

I’m pleased to report that there is no tape of Lady M receiving a petition from Code Pink rep Karen Hull in San Fran last Friday. Code Pink Slime founder Medea Benjamin claims that MO “thanked her for her advocacy” and told her to “keep up the good work” when she handed her the “petition urging peacekeeping not war with Iran — a document signed by luminaries like Gloria Steinham, Alice Walker and Eve Ensler.” 

Code Pink Slime, keeping up the good work

Our official pool reporter was not in the room at the time of the alleged incident because, as you know, they’re only allowed into fundraisers for the actual delivery of remarks that have been preloaded onto TOTUS Won or TOTUS Too and then made available to the press. Therefore we have no impartial press confirmation of this incident, thank goodness. I can tell you only that Code Pink was there, and the rest is nothing more than a big Pink lie.

Big Guy was busy hitting the cash register yesterday too, butt not before stopping by for an egg McMuffin and a blessing at our annual Easter Prayer breakfast. After promising that he was “not going to stand up here and give a sermon” he gave a sermon. It was short though because this is the one area where he’s not an expert.

Did you guy’s hear the one about Pontius Pilate’s Supreme Court decision?

Which didn’t stop him from giving personal testimony to his Christian belief in Easter:

There are times where we have questions for God’s plan relative to us -- (laughter) -- but that’s precisely when we should remember Christ’s own doubts and eventually his own triumph.  Jesus told us as much in the book of John, when He said, “In this world you will have trouble.”  I heard an amen.  (Laughter.)  

Amen, brother

Butt on to today’s agenda: Big Guy’s holding a Forum for Women at the Big White. He loves women. All women. Especially the ones that love him back at the polling place.

In fact he loves the women’s vote so much, he’s gone on record saying he thinks the Augusta Golf Club should change its stupid membership rules and admit women as members. The Augusta National Golf Club which is hosting the high-profile Masters tournament this week, so we thought it would be a good opportunity to weigh in on the weighty matter.

According to Jay Jay, Big Guy “believes Augusta should admit women. We’re kinda long past the time when women should be excluded from anything,”

…other than the Democratic Presidential ticket

Anyway, Big Guy’s already drawn up a new Executive Order. It will declare a ban on the sale or use of golf balls at any golf club that does not admit women. Such sexist policies (part of the Republican War on Women) have been shown to have a deleterious effect on women golfer’s self esteem resulting in anxiety and depression that forces women to seek medical treatment and the use of prescription drugs. Since this drives up the cost of health care for everyone, it places this violation of human rights under the auspices of the Commerce Clause provisions of Obamacare.

Also, AG Ricky Holder is preparing a lawsuit charging the Augusta Golf Club with racial hatred for holding it’s annual “Massa’s Tournament” - a clear reference to the South's history of slavery and Jim Crow laws. Additionally, the tournament features an all male field competing for a green jacket - here symbolizing the almighty dollar, not clean, economic alternative energy. The jacket is an emblem of membership in the elite 1% club, the very bastion of this country’s ongoing racial discrimination.

So how’s that for an election year twofer? A big thumbs up for women, a big thumbs down for the racist greedy rich.

If he wanted to go for a hat trick, Big Guy could have weighed in on ex-mayor Marion Barry’s “misstatement” about “Dirty Asians” too.

“We got to do something about these Asians coming in and opening up businesses and dirty shops,” Barry said on Tuesday night, according to video posted by WRC-TV/NBC4. “They ought to go. I’m going to say that right now. But we need African-American businesspeople to be able to take their places, too.”

Butt I guess two was enough for one week, we’re holding back for later in the month. Big Guy doesn’t personally know that many Asians and that will give him time to find one (preferably female, otherwise we would have made do with Stephen Chu) to call personally in order to offer his support. And to express his disappointment that she’s been the subject of inappropriate personal attacks. And to thank her for exercising her rights as a citizen to speak out on an issue of public policy.

Unfortunately though if Big Guy had a son, he surely wouldn’t look like any of them.

Unless, of course, his son had a tiger Mom:

 

Whoa Nelly! Is that Tiger in a green “Massa’s” jacket?!!

Winning?!!

In an unrelated press release, we just announced this year’s official Easter egg colors for our egg roll on Monday: Code Pink, Asian Yellow and OWS Green.