Monday, December 21, 2009

Happy Winter Holidays to Druids Everywhere

This is such a hectic season. The religious celebrations started last week, with the secular feasts to follow. First there was the 8th Night of Hanukkah party that we threw for our Jewish friends (although, just between you and me, I’m surprised we have any left).

national_menorah_white_house Non-denominational menorah at Big White

Like nearly every party we’ve had here lately, there was some controversy. First there was an issue over the number of invitees. It seems we initially invited only half as many Jewish friends as GWB did at his last Hanukkah party. But once everyone started flapping their gibs about it, we quickly sent out another 150 invites: you wouldn’t believe how many Jewish friends Joe Lieberman found for us! Then there was some silly flap over the fact that although we were celebrating Hanukkah, someone on Desiree’s staff decided to send the invitations out to the most influential Jews in America inviting them to a “holiday” party instead of a Hanukkah celebration.

I guess religious stuff makes Desiree and her staff a little nervous. It just seems odd to me that we would hire 30 people to come in to “kosherize” the Big White kitchen and then forget to tell the guests that it’s a Hanukkah party. But that’s why I’m MO’s mirror, and Desiree is her social secretary diva.

P121609SA-0124 Little children at the 8th night “holiday” celebration

I guess the official position (for now) is that all of our Big White celebrations are “holiday” celebrations, regardless of religious affiliation. I just hope no one goes poking through their mementos from our big Ramadan celebration last September, because I’m pretty sure that was billed as a “Ramadan” party.

Then there was the other big religious celebration last week: The Thermists* most holy week of worship at the altar of Global Warming in Copenhagen. Everybody who’s anybody in the Church of Thermology showed up.


Lady M couldn’t get away to attend this event, but it was just as well. She really hates snow and cold. And Big Guy can tell you, it was pretty chilly there.

Thankfully, that will be the end of the religious celebrations for a while. Coming up on the 23rd we have Festivus (as I mentioned earlier, we have a head start on this one, since BO and MO have been airing their grievances since they got here), followed by the joyous feast of Winter Solstice and wrapping up with Kwanza – which is most assuredly not religious. Unless by religious you mean a feast invented by a god-hating black racist who served time for multiple felonies.

And then, we’re already into a new year! We can start airing our grievances anew.


* Thermist: Member of the Church of Thermology. A god-less religion that worships environmentalism and rails against the satanic forces of industry and capitalism. The religion is based on the(unsubstantiated) belief that earth achieved its ideal temperature in 1906 and has been rising,to our detriment, ever since. Adherents of the religion are required to accept this basic premise on faith and do whatever is necessary to reduce Earth’s fever so as to return it to the pristine state of the Belle Époque. Once that ideal state has been attained, it is mankind’s responsibility to maintain earth’s perfect temperature in perpetuity. 

The Church of Thermology (aka the Church of Immaculate Deception) requires its members to participate in cleansing and purification rituals that include the rejection of the evil  element carbon, while simultaneously embracing Whole Foods, Priuses and South American dictators.

Al Gore is the religion’s patron saint. He invented the internet and  has spent the 10 years subsequent to his unsuccessful presidential  bid producing scary movies and amassing a fortune based on the sale of carbon credits: to date the largest legal scam ever perpetrated on a gullible public.