Monday, December 21, 2009

Happy Winter Holidays to Druids Everywhere

This is such a hectic season. The religious celebrations started last week, with the secular feasts to follow. First there was the 8th Night of Hanukkah party that we threw for our Jewish friends (although, just between you and me, I’m surprised we have any left).

national_menorah_white_house Non-denominational menorah at Big White

Like nearly every party we’ve had here lately, there was some controversy. First there was an issue over the number of invitees. It seems we initially invited only half as many Jewish friends as GWB did at his last Hanukkah party. But once everyone started flapping their gibs about it, we quickly sent out another 150 invites: you wouldn’t believe how many Jewish friends Joe Lieberman found for us! Then there was some silly flap over the fact that although we were celebrating Hanukkah, someone on Desiree’s staff decided to send the invitations out to the most influential Jews in America inviting them to a “holiday” party instead of a Hanukkah celebration.

I guess religious stuff makes Desiree and her staff a little nervous. It just seems odd to me that we would hire 30 people to come in to “kosherize” the Big White kitchen and then forget to tell the guests that it’s a Hanukkah party. But that’s why I’m MO’s mirror, and Desiree is her social secretary diva.

P121609SA-0124 Little children at the 8th night “holiday” celebration

I guess the official position (for now) is that all of our Big White celebrations are “holiday” celebrations, regardless of religious affiliation. I just hope no one goes poking through their mementos from our big Ramadan celebration last September, because I’m pretty sure that was billed as a “Ramadan” party.

Then there was the other big religious celebration last week: The Thermists* most holy week of worship at the altar of Global Warming in Copenhagen. Everybody who’s anybody in the Church of Thermology showed up.

al-gore-lorax-speak-trees

Lady M couldn’t get away to attend this event, but it was just as well. She really hates snow and cold. And Big Guy can tell you, it was pretty chilly there.

Thankfully, that will be the end of the religious celebrations for a while. Coming up on the 23rd we have Festivus (as I mentioned earlier, we have a head start on this one, since BO and MO have been airing their grievances since they got here), followed by the joyous feast of Winter Solstice and wrapping up with Kwanza – which is most assuredly not religious. Unless by religious you mean a feast invented by a god-hating black racist who served time for multiple felonies.

And then, we’re already into a new year! We can start airing our grievances anew.

 

* Thermist: Member of the Church of Thermology. A god-less religion that worships environmentalism and rails against the satanic forces of industry and capitalism. The religion is based on the(unsubstantiated) belief that earth achieved its ideal temperature in 1906 and has been rising,to our detriment, ever since. Adherents of the religion are required to accept this basic premise on faith and do whatever is necessary to reduce Earth’s fever so as to return it to the pristine state of the Belle Époque. Once that ideal state has been attained, it is mankind’s responsibility to maintain earth’s perfect temperature in perpetuity. 

The Church of Thermology (aka the Church of Immaculate Deception) requires its members to participate in cleansing and purification rituals that include the rejection of the evil  element carbon, while simultaneously embracing Whole Foods, Priuses and South American dictators.

Al Gore is the religion’s patron saint. He invented the internet and  has spent the 10 years subsequent to his unsuccessful presidential  bid producing scary movies and amassing a fortune based on the sale of carbon credits: to date the largest legal scam ever perpetrated on a gullible public.

at 12:01 AM

15 comments:

  1. Oy!! Hanukkah Schmonukkah! You don't toivel in kool-aid. Who vas the Mashgiach, Stevie Wonder? So...the chametz here is yo-yo's and Colt45? I'm farklempt. In da blue room no less. And dat Michelle...meshuginah! No balebosteh there. So tell her why don't you its mishigas to make Latkes from what? Tatter Tots and Collard Greens? Drek! And, Oy vay iz mir, Twinkies do not substitute for Challah. So ver vas da brisket at least? Nu gedempte fleisch? Just BBQ pork ribs and fried clams? I don't vant to kvetch but a poison could go hungry. And no Menorah? No, no, no, six glow sticks, two flashlights and a lava lamp taped together is just not vight. And the nebbish himself comes out vrom da office to play a shtick of a hava nagila on ringtone from da Blackberry followed by an Adhan. No really. I'm famisht. Maybe next year. At least the babkes in da toilets vas nice.Vas dat Lieberman polishing shoes?
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  2. I'm speechless.

    "...the nebbish himself comes out vrom da office to play a shtick of a hava nagila..."

    I can't type.

    I have to go change my pants again.
    ReplyDelete
  3. "Vas dat Lieberman polishing shoes?"

    No, no dat vas Liberman kissing da nebbish's ass.

    Yuz have taken da cake, chiron...or vas dat da Twinkie? And a hava nagila to you too!

    (PS MOTUS, I think chiron takes winner of the week here...might as well shut down the contest.)
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  4. Wow, I can't top chiron's comment. But MOTUS, thanks for the link to the Kwanzaa article. I knew that it's a made up holiday with leftist roots, but I had no idea the founder was such a radical creep. He sounds almost like a cult leader, kind of like Algore only sociopathic. And he became a Marxist, THERE'S a shocker...not. I'm sure Rev. Jeremiah Wrong's church placed greater emphasis on this racist holiday than Christmas.

    Makes me resentful that my mostly white choir in school was made to sing Kwanzaa songs in our holiday concerts.

    We need to spread the truth and stop the ignorance about Kwanzaa.
    ReplyDelete
  5. MUST READ:

    http://www.americanthinker.com/2009/12/gullibles_travels.html
    ReplyDelete
  6. BTW, Motus -

    What were the ratings for the THREE Os' Christ-
    mas Extravaganza, do you know?

    I haven't heard of anybody that watched it....
    ReplyDelete
  7. Chiron,
    Sorry. I know the food was, well, not up to bubbie's standards. But our regular Big White chef was off on an Iron Chef shoot. She left the kitchen in the hands of a rookie whose only experience with kosher was a bad night with 2 bums and a case of Maneschewitz. He's been placed on disciplinary leave, along with the two secret service agents who took the fall for Desiree.

    BTW, that was Big Guy's iPhone. The Blackberry is strictly for business.

    bettyann,
    Definitely not an image I want to store on my hard drive.

    Annie,
    "twinkie...ass". Could apply to any number of people around here.

    I will concede Chiron is a strong contender, but remember: super-secret selection committee, and the outcome is determined by millions of MOTUS voters casting ballots as often as they can. Just like a real presidential election.

    Rattle,
    Think of Kwanzaa as the Nobel Peace Prize of holidays.

    Breeze,
    All I can say is "oy veh!" There's enough gullibility going around to create a global warming crisis.
    ReplyDelete
  8. MOTUS:
    Dis is all your fault, you realize. All you had to do vas stand dere und be die nicest meerah! Und Vass? Ya. Your mother should see you like this. Bats und purple wine dresses vid knobbly knees....!! OIee. My head hurtz.

    Panz peeing? Mit dis schmekel in charge, a petsel? (SPIT!! Phatuh!!) If you was wearing panz, worried about a job, you too would pee them. That I garauntee you.
    ReplyDelete
  9. Oy. Blackberry crackberry, nah so deal vit da food I did. But da next time plaaeze keep eyes on da Qveen Rahmsie-boy. Ya know after noshing on da clams, I vas a shittern mogn. So to da Farkuckt toilet in da druchus I vent. Rahmsie was in the next stall. Ya know, so much a big shoit he acts, like I care, but a faigelah he is so who knew? Twinkle toes, ya! Playing hide da knish he was vit a boychik from da party. Not even bar mitzvahd he wasn't. Some Chutzpeh. A feier zol im trefen! I hate to be a butchke but vat a bunch! And me thinking da Bush da son was a Chamoole. God bless 'em.
    ReplyDelete
  10. chiron, do that again! You are a riot.
    ReplyDelete
  11. chiron and bettyann,
    Would you be willing to give Yiddish lessons online for my gentile readers? Or maybe recommend a good Jackie Mason CD?
    ReplyDelete
  12. just google yiddish sayings. you'll find a world of wonder. If you wish I can translate dat other posting vor ya.
    ReplyDelete
  13. My excuse is a slew of family relations bent on outdoing each other at the seder. I speak a pretty good German as well, and that helps. But Yiddish is the funniest language, the whole premise of determined irony. I love hearing it, or reading it. Thanks chiron, you have a distinct talent.
    ReplyDelete
  14. chiron and bettyann,
    I'm going to pull some strings and see if I can't get you both invited to next year's 8th night holiday party. We can nosh on some knishes and then you can tell me what everyone's really saying about MO and BO.
    ReplyDelete

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