Tea and a Lot of Sympathy

Dateline: secret field training site in fly-over country

My field mission assignment certainly came at a busy time for Lady M. We dropped into a 3g safe spot late last night, and I see on my iPhone (which Lady M doesn’t know how to use. I’ll have to have Raj help her out.) that Lady M had a very heavy schedule yesterday: 3 events, 2 outfits, 2 hair styles (1 wig). All I can do is send along a few of the images I found. Sorry I can’t help too much with the commentary, but I’ll pass on what I saw and was told by those who were there. I’m going in semi-reverse order, because I don’t want you keeling over before your morning java. So here’s Lady M going to dinner with Big Guy. at KOMI on Dupont Circle.

Here’s Lady M at the Democratic National Committee's Women's Leadership Forum 16th Annual National Issues Conference in Washington. The group’s title gives you a little heads-up about what the dress she wore looked like.

 

You know you’re in trouble when the best the worshipful Mrs. O site can muster is:

 “Her three-quarter length sleeve dress combines a floral top and graphic plaid skirt, brought together at the waist in a twist. The first lady is on a bold style streak as of late. My sense is that this particular look may be a bit polarizing in that it challenges convention. Does anyone recognize the designer?.”

Allow me translate: WTF?!!

But let me be the first to say something nice: at least her knobby knees aren’t showing.

And I think Lady M’s fashion forward, youthful flair is even starting to wear off on Dr. Jill

Dr. Jill, laughing behind Lady M’s back 

Then, the Tea Party. What a bummer – I was so disappointed that I was going to miss a rally at the the Big White with Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachman, Michelle Malkin and Victoria Jackson. But as I scanned through the Big White press release and pictures, I see that I had that all wrong.

Just another one of the O’s “events'” to honor “real Americans.”  In this case Moms. They invited  Anne and Susan Eisenhower, Tricia Nixon Cox – there haven’t been that many Republicans in the Big White in months – and Rosalynn Carter. As well as a lot of little people.  

I’m all about honoring Mom’s  - even Lady M’s, although she won’t give me the time of day – it’s just that I thought we were having a REAL Tea Party.

Silly me. That would have been like falling down the rabbit hole.

It’s Baa-ack!

I thought we had an agreement, but apparently not. I haven’t even left the Big White grounds yet and look what Lady M goes and pulls!  I was hoping the boob belts were history, but I turn my back for two seconds and, well, see for yourself:

Evidence of the return of the boob belt (on the left, not the right)

Can we pass a law banning knee-baring over age 40?

 It’s back, it’s big, and it’s packin’

Sorry. I’ve got to run. But I thought you would want to know.

Knee-Deep In The Hooplalista

Boy, this week’s fashions just lend themselves to fun and games don’t they? Take, for example, this latest from the  Mexican Speedo line:

It’s in there  

Not that it isn’t a completely lovely, um, dressy thing. I’d call it a frock, but that might be an insult to frocks, which I know you’re all fond of. But here’s the fun part: in the next picture, see whose portrait  you can see in Lady M’s knee caps.

On her right knee, which, of course, is on the left. I think I can make out the faint, but distinct portrait of Eric Holder.

And on her left knee, I don’t know what that is, but it sure looks angry. Raj thought he saw John Belushi doing one of his world famous Samurai routines.

 

I’ll check into this: we could have stumbled upon a new type of body art that could eclipse the popularity of tats; it could be marketed as a Cellulite Etch-a-Sketch: each one unique, dependent on your own cellulite deposits, and the artist’s skill at collagen and Botox injections. Maybe I can get my own reality show, like Miami Ink. The District of Collagen? This entrepreneurial spirit seems to have me in it its grip – it’s like a drug.  I hope it doesn’t get me in trouble around here.

I should report on the event Lady M was hosting in her colorful Speedo: Surprise! It’s Cinco de Mayo! Which, until the Bush’s got here I always thought was Stinko de Mayo, but that’s another story. I got a history lesson and found out it actually commemorates the unlikely victory of 5,000 ill-equipped Mestizo and Zapotec Indians led by General Ignacio Zaragoza over the the much better-equipped French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. I don’t know why the victory was “unlikely”  because they were fighting the French, who I guess surrendered when their Bordeaux ran out.

Imagine what it would be like around here if the French had won though: instead of Taco Bells we’d have Baguette Belles,  Chez-Chezs in place of Chi-Chis and instead of refried beans with everything, we’d get cassoulet with duck confit. Champagne would flow like water and would be held at the proper temperature table side in a wine bucket - not that there’s anything wrong with a bucket of Coronitas (little Coronas if you’re from the upper west side) - and Margaritas would be made with fine Cognac.

But best of all, we could all go to the French Riviera on spring break.

Also,I know for a fact we wouldn’t have a problem with illegal immigrants. The French are so snooty about the superiority of their homeland and culture, they’d stay right there in Mexico. Even if you couldn’t drink the water.

HEADS UP TO ALL MY FOM’S AND MOLS: posting will be light for the next few days. I’ve been called up for my semi-annual para-military training (everyone in the Big White needs to be battle ready) and will be reflecting from an undisclosed location, which may or may not provide wifi.)

Tyrants of the World: a Member’s Only Club

This is actually a photo-caption contest, but I’m going to get you started with a little quiz.

Query: What’s the difference between a tyrant and a demi-tyrant?

Answer: Tyrants get to wear “pins.”

 

Round two.

Query: What’s the difference between a middle-eastern demi-tyrant and a black commander in chief?

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: one wears a white Member’s Only jacket, the other wears a black one.

Round 3.

Who doesn’t belong and why?

 

Answer: Anderson Cooper, because, unlike the other two, the rumors regarding his sexual orientation have been confirmed.

Please feel free to submit your captions for any or all of the above photos. And have a good day.

Today’s inspiration compliments of Gerard

Science for Dummies

  Lady M and the amazing Dr. Chu. I don’t think he’s a real doctor, but he does have a degree in science!

Yesterday was the annual National Science Bowl. For some reason, Lady M was there to handle the final round of questions, and give the kids a little pep talk. These kids are all crazy-smart

This is what she told these junior astrophysicists about a career in science or math:

This is the profession that has done it in so many ways: creativity, discipline, teamwork, problem-solving and a whole lot of hard work. That’s what it takes to make change. You’ve worked so hard, and again the president and I — and he is fully aware that I am here. I went over some of the questions with him. He didn’t know many of the answers, but that’s O.K. Neither did I.

I’m not sure that advertising the combined ignorance of POTUS and FLOTUS was the best way to impress these science whiz kids, but they were all very polite. They were probably more impressed with Dr. Stephen Chu, U.S.Energy Secretary. After all, he  discovered a secret way to stop global warming in  “Dr. Chu’s Great Whitewash Caper.”

On another front, I know some of you were concerned about Lady M trading in her wedding ring last Saturday night for something a bit, well, gaudier. You can relax. The original cheap large diamond wedding set is back where it belongs:

And as you can see, along with her understated gray suit she also wore a lovely… beady - swirly…thingy on her lapel. Newsbird has a close up, if you’ve had your coffee. I guess the simple, straight lined pant suit was a little too plain for our fashion forward FLOTUS. Come to think of it, it does look a bit like a uniform from the midnight shift in the emergency room.

Big Capitalist Pig Announcement: MOTUS Boutique Now Open for Business

I have big, big news! And I’m so excited that if I wore pants, They’d probably be all wee-weed up.

First: Big Guy and Toes just awarded me my very own official seal! And I’m authorized to use it for commercial purposes!!!!! I can hardly believe it either, because I didn’t really think Big Guy was all that keen on private enterprise.

But I think I’m finally beginning to figure out how this whole political power, crony capitalism thingy works. Don’t worry though, I won’t be sucked into the vortex. My NASA designed systems are equipped with an ethics package designed to prevent that, although, as I’ve mentioned before, it hasn’t been updated for a while now. I think I’ll mention how this ethics software works to Big Guy because he might  want to get a program for his SEIU buddies. I’m not saying they’re compromised or anything, but I’ve been around awhile, and I can tell you that their boundaries are way, wayyy out there on the range. And even then, they’re enforced about as well as our southern border. I don’t want Big Guy to get into any trouble, and he’s really too busy to keep an eye on what everyone around here is doing.

But I digress. So, I didn’t get that raise I asked for. But I did get my own seal and authorization to open my own store, as long as I only operate it when I’m off the clock. So that gives me about 55 minutes a day. But don’t worry, Raj has set it up to be open in cyber space 24/7 with a permanent link right over there in my sidebar.

I really expected to have it opened before now, but whew! Starting  your own business, even a teeny-tiny one is a lot of work. First you’ve got to design your product, arrange for the manufacturing and check out the quality control.Then you have to make sure you have a solid business plan, get your marketing plan in place, learn how to use PowerPoint, Excel and Quicken, find an accountant you can trust, (not as easy as you might think) then go to the bank and beg for adequate financing including an operating line of credit (assuming you don’t have access to the Bank of Mom and Dad). And of course you have to line up a storefront and figure out what leasehold improvements you can afford. Then of course there are a few other details you have to take care of: insurance, licensing fees, legal fees and…last but certainly not lease taxes: state, local, federal, excise and “just because” taxes.

 I’m Green Too

I’m going to have to talk to Big Guy, because I really don’t think he has any idea how hard it is for the little guys - that he cares so much about - to actually do something for a living. Or how little is left for them to keep after they’ve worked their butt off to get their business up and running. So I’m hoping maybe he’ll reconsider his attitude towards this whole tax and spend platform after I explain it all to him. But so far he doesn’t have any openings on his “meet with lobbyists” calendar until next year. I’ll let you know how it goes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But back to my big announcement! I received the first shipment of merchandise yesterday, and after spending all afternoon stocking the shelves, with Raj’s help, I’m ready to raise the shutters and throw open the doors. I hope you like it. I plan to add  new items from time to time - to keep things fresh and fashion forward. I’ll also consider doing special orders, if I can squeeze it into my 55 minutes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Speaking of fashion forward though, just one word of caution: be sure to check the sizing charts and information when ordering women’s sizes.  They seem to be making clothes for munchkins these days, which is to say, two sizes too small. Maybe that’s why Lady M’s clothes never seem to fit right.

Other than that though, I think the quality control department did a fine job.

Please come visit and browse around. After all, what’s more American than shopping? Oh yeah: taxes.

 

Avoiding Disasters: What Not To Wear

Today’s discussion topic: POTUS and FLOTUS outer-wear.

First, POTUS.

Members Only jackets: OK for tyrants from the Middle East visiting New York to discuss Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaties while “secretly” building nuclear warheads.

… but perhaps a questionable choice for a U.S. President addressing unprecedented environmental disasters from behind a podium, with speech in notebook. (Apparently it was too damp for TOTUS.)

 Big Guy in New Orleans. Why does this look so weird?

… and this too?

 

Oh yeah, the ad copy is missing:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now, let’s move on to Lady M. We all know how she favors her signature J Crews. Here’s an example of how other royals wear this look:

Here we have Dutch princess Maxima wearing a cardigan thrown over a casual dress for a bike ride through the grounds of Castle Duivenvoorde near the Hague with Crown Prince Willem-Alexander.

 

 If one must wear boob belts and cardigans… ( and I’m not saying that anyone does)

Looks neat, casual, appropriate, plus it fits. And the bike: a pretty good idea for moving those fat behinds.

Now, simply for education, here are a few examples of cardigan looks that might benefit from further consideration in the future, even if you aren’t the FLOTUS.

 

And the number one way you do not want to wear a casual cardigan to a formal event: tea with the Queen.

That’s all for today’s lesson. Later, we will discuss the pros and cons of Spanx, as well as its proper placement.

H/T FOM, JM