Saturday, June 26, 2010

Just An Okie From Muskoka, Eh!

So the G8/G20 Summit in Toronto is underway and I’m still here in the Big White.

Lady M threw a snit-fit when she heard that both Carla and SamCam were not going to attend the Canadian meeting of world leaders, and she refused to go. That is, until Smooty advised her that Canada was our neighbor to the north, and since she had spent nearly an entire week with our neighbors to the south earlier this year, this would be considered very bad form.  Normally that wouldn’t bother her, but Smooty said the Canadian press would accuse her of being racist. Boy, does that reverse discrimination racket ever bite! So we’ll be showing up for dinner tonight, but don’t expect her to be happy about it.

On today’s G8/G20 agenda: the largest protest march of any summit weekend yet, expected to begin at 1 p.m. Saturday in Toronto under cloudy skies and the threat of rain. Always a fun event!

anarchists2 best-g-20-protester-17314-1238688900-9

Although, if they really have a problem with the power brokers of the world, you’d think the anarchists would show up at Bilderberg.

Also expected today: rejection by the entire Socialist world of Big Guy’s request that they join him in his effort to spend more money than anyone in history. Sources tell me that the G8/G20’s original plan - which was to answer BO’s call for more spend-thrift with widespread and uproarious laughter - has been replaced with plans for an off camera dismissive, even derisive snicker delivered in a demeaning fashion by Nicolas Sarkozy.(open press)

But the world’s leading Socialists laughing in Big Guy’s  face for his plan to “spend our way out of debt” is, surprisingly, not the biggest story here. So far, that honor goes to Lady M and Carla’s  “no show” at the opening festivities. According to the Globe and Mail, the world’s FLs were very disappointed:

Some spouses of the G20 leaders were cheated out of two of the summit’s most-hyped sights Friday: the Muskoka landscape and U.S. first lady Michelle Obama. 

Laureen_Harper_-_ca_159627s  mo leap

Canada and US FLOT-ae, Laureen Harper, and MO, shown here at Pittsburg G8 






Let’s face it, the plans of FLOC, Laureen Harper, for a “local experience” – dubbed the “Muskoka Experience” – just didn’t fit our agenda all that well:

The small group of women spent the morning and afternoon at the Royal York, where an Algonquin craftsperson demonstrated beading on baby moccasins, and Parry Sound, Ont., boat builder Pam Wedd from Bearwood Canoe Company taught them how to make ribbed canoes. The spouses then signed two canoes, which will be donated to Camp Oochigeas, a program for children with cancer, and Camp Huronda, a network of national camps for children and youth with type 1 diabetes.


Not that MO wouldn’t  love to have been there for the canoe-gifting photo op, but  type 1 diabetes?  That type of genetic illness doesn’t really play to our No Child’s Fat Behind initiative.


I’ll give Laureen credit for trying. She did plan a nice lunch which is usually enough to get Mo on board, but, again, not really Lady M’s cup of tea.

After their arts-and-crafts session, the women were treated to a summery lunch, taking their taste buds to Huntsville with a soup made from chilled Muskoka strawberries, peppered organic cream and drunken berries.

That course was followed by a fillet of freshwater pickerel served with nasturtium butter and fennel pollen, dill braised carrots, cauliflower puree and a sweet summer pea emulsion.

Then they were served a treat almost as Canadian as the BeaverTail: an Algonquin canoe filled with mascarpone cranberry mousse and a chocolate canoe paddle. They sipped on Cabernet Rose from the Niagara region.

I’m not saying the “Muskoka Experience” is less than the experience offered at other G8/20s, but it does sound rather, uh, Canadian. You know, small white people of questionable taste.  Altogether a bit too much ‘Northern Exposure.’

dh16Canada’s Deerhurst Resort Dining Room: location for the Muskoka Experience luncheon

This is more along the lines of Lady M’s choice of dining establishments for a proper G8 meeting: Heinz Beck’s Apsleys at the Lanesborough Hotel on Park Lane in London: 

Apsleys in the Lanesborough

And here’s Lady M’s favorite dish there:

Heinz Beck’s signature carbonara fagottelliHeinz Beck’s Signature carbonara fagottelli: eat them all in one bite. No problem! 

seabass cannolo And, seabass cannolo. Yum O

Apsleys in the Lanesbourough: I don’t know, it sells itself! 

But then again, I’m sure Lady M would have loved the beaver tails: deep-fried dough – what’s not to love?

20090218-beavertails Canada’s Muskoka Experience Deep Fried Beavertails



Boy, I know one lady who would’ve loved the whole Muskoka experience. She might have even brought lunch with her.

sarah-palin Elk steak at the Moose Cafe: you betcha.

Friday, June 25, 2010

What a Difference a Year Makes

They say as couples get older they start to look like each other. I’m not saying that the O’s are old, I’m just saying it’s uncanny how much they already look and act alike. By the time they’re really old, in a few years, they’ll look like triplets. Fortunately we had some great photo-ops today for both Lady M with Svetlana (don’t they have any other female names in the former Soviet Union?) and Big Guy with Dmitry. I think you’ll see what I mean.

You’ll recognize this first great photo op right away: Sveltlana Medvedeva and Lady M at the Duke Ellington school talent show:

Svetlana medvedeva

It’s the negative of this one taken in France last year:

  mo and carla evil eye

This year Big Guy joined in the fun too.can you hear me now

This next one’s just a fashion observation from your faithful and humble refraction device: This concept doesn’t work any better in the long version than it did in the short.

ribbons ruffles and lace acarrie mess

And the passage of a year’s time isn’t adequate to make random ribbon, ruffles and lace any more fashion forward than it was the first time around in Britain, when it was worn with a London taxi cab belt. But I admire MO’s recycling efforts.

But back to the O’s: here we are high-fiving the crowd. Svetlana really got into the spirit of it – silly girl , she thought the crowd was waving at her too.

guns hi guys

Unfortunately, our little “vacation” didn’t last long enough to take proper care of our guns: maybe we should consider giving up the sleeveless look until we have a little more time to spend in the gym. I think the lipo-sucker missed a spot or two on this round.


And both of the O’s seemed to enjoy their new little Russian friends. It just looks like they’re condescending, they’re really just towering.

  here's my little doll 

this way little man2

And here’s one last great photo-op: Big Guy taking Dmitry to Ray’s Hell Burgers for lunch. Great idea. Let’s show Dmitry how the little people live in the previously great nation of America.

why presidents don't eat in public But here’s where the O’s part company. At least Lady M knows why protocol dictates Presidents and First Ladies don’t eat in public.

why presidents don't eat in public

Nobody, not even the most awesome president in the history of the republic, looks cool with cheese and onions hanging out of their mouth.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Sacrificing For the Fans

Well, Big Guy finally found someone’s ass to kick. So while he was busy firing General McChrystal, Lady M emerged from her chrysalis to be admired by all. Although I’d have to question the venue: Justice? Rather an odd arena for her post-Hollywood debut, but  apparently she knows her fan base fairly well:

fanclub   Lady M and her fan club at Justice

Odder still was the reason for her presence: she went to thank them for, well, for doing their jobs.  MO officially visited the Justice Department to thank employees for their work in the aftermath of the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, but she warned them that their long hours are not going to be ending soon.

"These are going to be tough times and we are going to need every one of you to buckle up and work even harder,"

“Buckle up?” Outside of government work, people tend to buckle down, not up when they get to work. So what are we talking about here? Under normal circumstances do the Justice workers cruise porn sites like their friends at the SEC?

buckleup, baby

“Please God, don’t let Lady M wear bondage boots. I have my limits. I promise not to reflect any baby bumps for at least a year.”

But there’s more from our social butterfly:

“Many folks here in this agency are working tirelessly to ensure that accountability is going on, that we are protecting taxpayers dollars and that we are helping those affected by the oil spill to get back to their feet, and people need to know that the Department of Justice is at the center of that work,"

Ensure that accountability is going on? – that’s a good one. These are government employees, for cripes sake, they can’t even use the phrase in a sentence. Thank goodness we didn’t get into any of the really dicey stuff, like the oil drilling moratorium, Arizona's immigration law, and plans for the Guantanamo detainees (NIMBY). The accountability for those rests solely with Big Guy, unless things go south, in which case it bounces right back to the small people at Justice. Which maybe explains why Lady M was thanking them – in advance – for taking the fall later.

Then we headed over to the Columbia Heights Education Campus Bell Multicultural High School (whew! Whatever happened to names like Central High School?). We were there to celebrate all the wonderful things the Physical Fitness Council has done for America since it’s inception in 1954 by President Eisenhower. Just think how fat and lazy Americans would be if we hadn’t spent gazillions of taxpayer dollars over the past 56 years to run public service announcements to tell us not to eat too so much ice cream and to move our fat behinds? It’s absolutely mind numbing.

fat OWould this man have ever been elected? 

But I digress. All I really wanted to point out was that Lady M was over there with the Physical Fitness Council launching the new and improved (and therefore more expensive) President's Council on Fitness, Sports, and Nutrition, bravely sacrificing once again for the American people. The doctor told her no physical activity for at least two weeks.

skippy Working through the pain

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

James Cameron Couldn’t Plug The Damn Hole, Butt He Does Know How To Do Special Effects

Ok, I’m going to put these up quickly because I think I can slip them past the Big White picture censor while everyone’s focused on Big Guy’s brave firing of our General. I think they will give you a few clues as to what has or has not been going on. I’ll be back with any non-classified information I can release soon.

4 3

See, I can do physical activity. No surgical staples here. Oooooow! That hurts.


Superglue for the wig was the right choice


Skipping rope is easier if you can levitate!


That’s the “Look” we know and love! Both of them.


The “Scarf Whisperer” at work


Come back, don’t be afraid.


I’ve never seen a “cleavage” like that; is it paint?


“It is my privilege, to introduce First Lady Michelle Obooba”

misplaced falsie and cleavage liner

Woops! Alarm! Alarm! Alarm! Special Effects Failure!!!

The Boobs Have It!

Wow! OK, who guessed booby job and lipo?

wowwaytwo-toned Speedo

That’s all I’ve got time for right now…

The Lord of the Flies: An Allegory

It’s hard to believe that Lady M didn’t show up for the Big White’s first annual Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transgender Pride Month celebration last evening. Normally she loves these  gatherings. Aside from the trannies, she’s usually the best looking woman in the room.

But her absence was unavoidable. I’m just going to leave it at that. I think the “loose lips sink ships” maxim has been more than adequately demonstrated around here lately.

But just because Lady M was unable to attend the festivities due to a previous engagement does not mean that the Big White wasn’t more than adequately represented:

jan cabinet mtg Valerie B. Jarrett - World Economic Forum Annual Meeting Davos 2 joeyb

 david ax



Oh, and Our Lord of the Flies, of course.

ain't no flies on me

I leave it to you to determine who is representing whom.

In other news, Big Guy met earlier with representatives from the health insurance sector. In our Official Big White Blog, under “The Affordable Care Act” we’ve posted this:

The President meets with health insurers about keeping rates low, and discusses the profoundly meaningful Patients' Bill of Rights coming into effect with health reform.

Huh? Profoundly meaningful? That’s beginning to sound ominous. I wonder what it means.

And of course, General McChrystal will be here later today with his resignation. I’ll keep you posted.

“The world, that understandable and lawful world, was slipping away.” Lord of the Flies, Chapter 5: Beast from Water.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

MOTUS Echo System Update: 1

Raj sent me an email detailing issues he has been resolving since my big “CHANGE”. I’m just going to copy-paste it here for you to see. Also, I have moved this tutorial over there in my sidebar down by the link to Raj’s blog.(NOTE TO GERARD: YOU CAN SKIP THIS!)

Hello MOTUS:

Since the implementation of the new Echo commenting system on your blog, a few issues have come to my attention, some of which were not encountered in pre-implementation testing.

I humbly report to you that all have been successfully resolved.

  1. Reply Comment Background Colors remain the default “light grey”, rather than the Fashion Forward colors chosen by MOTUS: STATUS=RESOLVED
  2. “Like-Reply” font colors remain the default “light grey” rather than the Fashion Forward colors chosen by MOTUS and are hard to read: STATUS=RESOLVED
  3. Cinderella reports Emoticon and YouTube embed functions are inoperable: STATUS RESOLVED: My investigation identified an inoperability of the Emoticon and YouTube embed function when employing the popular Firefox browser. This was reported to Echo Technical Support, and is now reported RESOLVED. I have confirmed this with my own Firefox browser.
  4. bettyann reports a heavy heart over new sorting of Comments where “Newest” comments are listed first: STATUS RESOLVED: Newest comment first is required when “Live Commenting” is enabled. MOTUS’ original, and favorite sorting of “Oldest comments first” has been restored by disabling “Live Commenting”. This does change slightly the behavior of the Echo commenting system. The “Comment Entry Form” will disappear from a MOL, MOD or FOM’s screen after a comment is entered. It will return and allow further commenting by “Refreshing” or “Reloading” the page. Finally, new comments posted by others will not appear on a MOL, MOD or FOM’s screen until the page is “Refreshed” or “Reloaded”. This performance is as before with Blogger comment system and so should be familiar to all.

Please continue to advise me via Email through the ether, or on my humble blog, of any difficulties or sad heart you may experience using the new Echo comment system.

I am pleased to provide prompt, reliable technical support. You will receive a “Customer Satisfaction Survey” in your email from Big Guy. I would humbly request that you provide a response.


 indian-curry-dishes-thumb8063483P.S. Thank you for the new supply of my favorite curry. I will be sharing it with Little Mo, who has shown great enthusiasm for my native food. mole

We’re Number Two! And Fighting to Hold On

As I was running my news-photo scan yesterday I came across a very disturbing photo. No, not Lady M sans her industrial Spanx.

This:    TOPSHOTS-BRITAIN-FRANCE-HISTORY-WWII-DEGAULLE Carla, David Cameron, new British Prime Minister, Nicky and Mrs. Cameron pose in front of Number 10 Downing Street. Mr Cameron seems to be eyeing a brighter future for Anglo-Franco relations.

Which is disturbing on many levels, but my concern was focused on Samantha Cameron, FLOGB. Since she is an almost brand new First Lady, I was deathly afraid that Lady M had exerted undue influence on her fashion choices, what with that boob belt and all. And since I am -  let’s face it - an enabler, I felt somehow responsible.

So you can only imagine my relief when I found out she was pregnant with her 4th child, due in September. The absolutely only situation that legitimately warrants a boob-belt.

Plus, I found  evidence that SamCam knows how to properly position a belt nearer the waist.

samcameronH2508_468x709  brits3

Isn’t this just great, now we have another First Lady competing with us for second place. And she’s going to have a baby of her own for adorable photo ops.

SamCam: Not a burger bumptramstamp Could that possibly be a tramp stamp? On a blue-blood?

Not to get too far afield, but do you think that’s a tramp stamp on SamCam’s ankle? Here’s some evidence from a previous photo of SamCam’s foot. I didn’t think they allowed that sort of thing in the Tory party. Publically I mean.

trampstamp 2

Wow! Now I suppose Lady M’s going to start wearing shoes with 6 inch heels too. Great, then she’ll be able to pat Big Guy on the head.

And I sure hope she doesn’t show up with a couple of tats, just to stay in the competition. We all remember how that’s going to turn out.

But that Carla, she just can’t help herself. She has to be the center of attention even if there’s a pregnant lady in the room. Can you imagine being that self-absorbed?


carla the tartdam carla2 

No wonder Lady M hates her.


PS If you read this at the HuffPo:

“We were wondering where Michelle was last Friday night, when Barack and the girls went to the ballgame. It turns out that she hosted a girls' night out, taking over a suite at the Maxwell and Jill Scott concert at the Verizon Center in Washington, DC, Page Six reports. She brought along a dozen girlfriends and her mom Marian Robinson.”

Don’t believe it. Lady M: not there. She just picked up the tab.