Saturday, July 30, 2011

Raising the Ceiling on Unemployment, Fuel Standards and Debt. WTF.

After Big Guy put his two cents in on the Debt Ceiling negotiations yesterday morning, the stock market responded, slumping into the summer doldrums:

bo speaks stocks tank

Although the dive may have been due to reports just out on our anemic GDP (no doubt due to the R-words dragging their feet on resolving the debt crisis that Bush caused):

According to the Commerce Department numbers released Friday, the U.S. economy is growing at just 1.3 percent. Maybe. First quarter growth, initially reported as a disappointing 1.9 percent, was revised drastically down to just 0.4 percent. Those numbers are depressing enough. The downward revision of first quarter growth suggests that even the woeful second quarter number may be optimistic. And it comes after five consecutive quarters of a slowing economy…

Or maybe it’s the surprisingly bad unemployment situation (also due to the R-words dragging their feet on resolving the debt crisis that Bush caused):

Unemployment has risen for three consecutive months. It’s now 9.2 percent. Nearly half of the unemployed have been seeking work for longer than six months—the highest long-term unemployment rate since the Great Depression. And the GDP numbers out Friday suggest that many more American workers will be added to the unemployment rolls in the coming months.

Boy! That’s a lot of bad economic news! So yesterday morning, Big Guy issued his bottom line on the debt crisis: “Fix It!”  Because that’s what leaders do: they issue ultimatums.

And then he did what he always does under these circumstances – no, not blame Bush (we already did that earlier this week). He changed the subject. So he called in his auto executives yesterday morning to give them their marching orders too:

auto execsAuto execs called to BO’s meeting: a bunch of angry white guys

This provided photo ops of Big Guy issuing his second ultimatum in just one day. This one was leveled at auto execs, who’ve been dragging their feet on increasing fuel efficiency standards:

infographic_fuel_economy_standards_final_smallCAFE standards doubled: Just Do It! Because I’m the President. WTF.

That’s nearly double currently mandated federal fuel standards. Butt don’t worry: this mandate doesn’t defy the laws of physics, like global warming does. Even the car guys say it’s doable. It just requires the production of tiny tin can cars that people hate, butt we’ll just have to get used to them, because they’re a balanced approach to fuel economy.

obama-fuel-economy-standardWe may have to downsize our Obama-mobile for the 2012 campaign - in order to WTF.

ObamaMobile1

So here’s my question: if Big Guy can double fuel standards just by waving his magic wand, why can’t he cut our national debt in half?

Allow me to summarize the current GOP/Dem loggerhead on the Hill:

Screenshot Studio capture #171

Which explains why, in his weekly radio address today, Big Guy firmly placed the blame for this log jam where it belongs: with the R-words:

And I have to say, Democrats in Congress and some Senate Republicans have been listening and have shown themselves willing to make compromises to solve this crisis.  Now all of us – including Republicans in the House of Representatives – need to demonstrate the same kind of responsibility that the American people show every day.  The time for putting party first is over. 

Got it? Putting party first is irresponsible. The R-words should be more like Democrats.

Like Harry “let’s tighten our belt and hike up our pants” Reid:

harry reid wtf

Or Nancy “WTF” Pelosi:

nancyp wtf

And Timmy “what part of the debt crisis do you find amusing”  Geithner:

ed and timmy

Or even Lady M, who knows the value of a good party better than most:

mo evil eye“Just deal with this debt thing Buh-rock, because I’m going to the Vineyard with or without you.”

Friday, July 29, 2011

When Hairy Met Krishna

It looks like Lady M won this week’s “who can drag in the most loot from fat cats with private jets” contest. Big Guy was forced to cancel his fundraisers due to the pressing need to appear as if he’s concerned about the well being of the country, on the TeeVee. Ditto the whole “economy” thing. So he sent Joey B to one of the fat cat events in his place. Talk about the old bait and switch routine.

Biden

He tried to send Lady M, butt since she had already dragged in over  a cool half-mil while backing traffic up all across the Rockies, she refused to do any more sacrificin’ for her country this week.

moaspenMo’s entourage: leaving Aspen

That, along with Lady M’s gloating about the amount of her one day rock star take really got under Big Guy’s skin, because he’s competitive that way. So what does he do? He retaliates of course: (he learned that in community organizing school). So, acting stupidly, Big Guy just sort of lets it slip out that  he heard MO had been featured in this week’s edition of E-online. Well…

 Bitch Stole my Look!

MO-gaylebitchstole_lc_072611Orca’s BFF, Gayle King, decided to dress like the awnings and lawn furniture too: no winners here

 

umbrella

Hee, you’ve got to hand to Big Guy! He really knows how to throw people off their game, bringing them around to his reality. Let’s just say that even with Lady M’s $500,000+  week, Big Guy still won this round.That’s why he’s the President!

Anyway, with BO pretty much shut out of the debt ceiling debate, that left Hilz to take it to the streets. So she went on record, telling House Republicans to give up their push on a bill that would slash payments to the United Nations and limit aid to Egypt, Pakistan and the Palestinian Authority, among other groups. Because we sure wouldn’t want to do that. Not when we can just borrow some more money to give to all of those terrorist states so they can continue their humanitarian efforts.

Speaking of Hil, she’s been touring the Far East all week with stops in Indonesia, Bali, Hong Kong and India, where she met with Foreign Minister S.M. Krishna. The trip was designed to build good will. I don’t know about the good will, butt she did build a pretty good case for a hair cut. No, not  the foreign aid package, I mean real hair. Specifically, Hil’s.

With thin, lanky hair like Hil’s, the sub-tropic heat of the monsoon season is not your friend:

hil bali3hil bindihil hairhil South Korea's Foreign Minister Kim Sung-hwan

Sincere apologies to Hilz fans, butt you have to admit she’s wandered into unchartered waters here. Even when it’s good, it’s awful:

hil lookin good

She’s forgotten every trick I ever taught her. *sigh* I would like to help, butt let’s face it, I’ve already got my hands full. So if anyone knows of a good hairstylist in the D.C. area, please let Hilz know. Your country thanks you in advance. That’s my public service announcement for the week.

indian foreigh minister S.K.Krishna Hairy and KrishnaWhen Hairy met Krishna

Hold on! Big Guy’s at the Bully pulpit again! Oh, oh! The market’s tanking as he speaks…got to go. Need to contact my hedge fund manager. Second PSA of the week: move any savings you may have left in to gold.*

*Remember: past performance is no guarantee of future results.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Hey Barack! We’re Ba-roke! or, “Through a Glass Door Darkly”

The whole world is held in thrall as Congress pokes a tepid finger at America’s crushing debt burden while swinging a sledge hammer at the glass debt ceiling. If Big Guy thought Washington was “all wee-weed up” back in ‘09 over Obamacare, just wait till he sees what happens now that he’s brought his beer wagon to the debt ceiling garden party without thinking to have anyone order Porta-Potties.

I never thought I’d say this, butt maybe even Hilz could have maneuvered this swamp a little better, since she at least had some experience with glass ceilings, Big Guy’s really more of a door man. (I think Big Dawg may have even made a comment to the effect once.)

Specifically, Big Guy’s accustomed to having doors opened for him:

Obama

Which allows him to slip through:

slip sliding away

Butt things can sour on you quickly in this town, especially in this heat. Say, for example, people start refusing to open doors for you all of a sudden:

damn doorHey! Come on man, open up! I live here. Stop acting stupidly!

Then you may find yourself locked out, on the wrong side of the door:

President Barack Obama looks through the Oval Office door peephole as his personal secretary Katie Johnson  watches 3/12/09.
Official White House Photo by Pete Souza Yep, I see R-words in there talking budget cuts, butt I can’t get in there to explain why we need more “revenues.”

So Big Guy decided to consult with one of his favorite muses:

President Barack Obama opens the door to welcome Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew of Singapore, in the Oval Office, Oct. 29, 2009.  (Official White House Photo by Chuck Kennedy)

This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House. “ Yes. You have to deal with the R-words. It’s your job. I’ll walk you through this. Listen to me carefully Boo-Rock, grab the handle, turn and pull.”

OBAMA-OPENING-DOOR-largeOK, got it! What’s next?

 hold the door“Well, you might want to let go of the handle once you’re through the doorway.”

“And remember Boo-Rock, physics is not your friend. So you might want to try bending a bit. You know -  like you do for foreign leaders? That way the door won’t hit you on the way out.”

obama marine 1 doorIrresistible force meets immoveable object

Of course there are some doors that present special challenges for special people:

farside_push_pull_doorcompliments of Farside

Especially for people with little experience opening doors on their own.

Such mystery doors to mysterious places might even require special instructions:

obama door some instructions required“Uh…uh, this one doesn’t have a round knob. I wonder if my iPhone has an app for this.” 

Let’s see, your spending exceeds your “revenues” by 3 trillion dollars. Do you choose door #1 or door #2?

bo two ways“I was told there would be no math.”

As Big Guy’s favorite 20th century philosopher, Woody Allen, once noted, we stand at an important fork in the road: “One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.”

Butt fortunately for Big Guy, he doesn’t have to worry about which fork to take anymore, because we’ve finally reached the end of the road.

don't jumpStep away from the debt, and no one gets hurt!

“I’m warning you for the last time: Call my bluff and the N-word gets it!”

raise the debt ceiling or i'll make you sorry copy“It’s not about the money, it’s the amount.”

Linked By American Digest, Thanks!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Big Love in Park City and Aspen

Two  states, two meals, one recycled speech, $500,000+ for Big Guy’s coffers. All in a day’s work for Lady M.

The first stop was in Park City, Utah at the gracious seasonal home of Obama bundlers Mark and and sister-wife, Nancy Gilbert in the exclusive gated community of the Colony at White Pines. In case you’re interested, there are still a few choice ski in-ski out homes on the market that you might want to look at.

colony white canyon rd

Due to the photo embargo, I can’t release any live shots of Lady M, butt I can report that she wore her sleeveless pink, knee-length dress to both events – although I realize that doesn’t narrow it down much. All I can tell you is it wasn’t any of these:

Screenshot Studio capture #168

which leaves us, unfortunately, with this:

Wisconsin Senate

I’m just kidding! We raised over half a mil! That deserved a new pink frock, don’t you think?

pink bandage dress2

As I mentioned, I’m not allowed to release any  shots of Lady M in her new dress because rich people don’t like to be photographed, butt trust me, that pink dress was smokin’ hot, and we rocked the Rockies!

We couldn’t spend much time in Park City because we were 2 hours late, arriving for breakfast around lunch time. Butt no worries! We were in a laid back mountain town where everyone operates on their own clock anyway. And the soufflĂ©s were still delicious, just not quite as poufy as planned.

Then it was on to Aspen; home of Colorado seasonal home bundlers Jim and Paula Crown from the Chicago Crown dynasty. Surprisingly, seats at the luncheon ran $1000 for the cheap seats to $10,000 per couple for an upgraded lunch and photo op. Really good value compared to the $38,000 they were getting for the top priced seats for breakfast in Park City! That can  mean only one thing: the Wons intend to hit the Aspen crowd up again later in the election cycle.

That should likewise give you a little hint as to where Lady M plans to spend next winter’s ski vacation with the “girls.” .

I would tell you about the speech Lady M delivered for the $1000 – $38,000 crowds, butt  it was the same in both places and you’ve already heard it. At least a dozen times: First we cover the “how will ‘the President thing’ effect ME?” And then we move into the many amazing accomplishments of the Won and I: “Let’s hear it for Buh-rock for turning an economy that was on the brink of collapse to an economy that is starting to grow again (I always get a little chuckle watching the fat cats that Big Guy is trying to tax into oblivion nodding their heads in agreement at that one), cutting taxes for middle-class families,  extending a child-care tax credit, signing the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act and passing health care reform and repealed ‘Don’t ask,don’t tell’ [ed. technically he punted that to the Supreme Court, butt it was on his watch. Unlike the economic meltdown that occurred on Bush’s watch]. Oh yes, and did I mention that Buh-rock killed Osama?”

Then Lady M wrapped up both of her pep rallies with our signature “Are you in? Are you ready for this. Because I am in this. I am in this. I want you all fired up!”

I do have one exclusive photo, if you don’t tell anyone where you got it. It’s one of the embargoed shots from Park City, where Lady M made an unannounced appearance on the set of Big Love:

Sister wife MO copyLady M with the Sister Wives

All I can say is that Big Guy should be getting down on his knees every night and Thanking God for “his smokin’ hot wife.”

And then he should thank Him for the fact that there are not 6 more of her.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on DougRoss@Journal, and Key West Reader on Hot Air, Thanks!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

3 Weeks, 5 Speeches: Why Can’t You People Get It?

For our 5th big read in the past 3 weeks Big Guy hired a new speech writer, and insisted he write a speech that took a more balanced approach - in order to get our message out to our base, which seems to be shrinking.

So, our new, balanced approach included “we” 52 times and “I” only 18 times! Let the record reflect that’s way down from just last Friday’s presser where Big Guy used “I” 82 times. So I think you can see right away his willingness to “compromise” (used 6 times) in his “balanced” approach (used 7 times, 3 times in just one paragraph!).

Aside from that change up however, it was the same “eat your peas” speech he gave the last 4 times out. Except his handlers worked him over all afternoon, trying to get what some Fox News channel correspondents called “peevishness” out of his voice and mannerisms. By and large I’d say they were successful. Butt in order to keep it in check, Big Guy had to clench his jaw and stare straight ahead.

pt

Actually, it was a bit scary, butt still, a big improvement over last Friday’s peeve-fest, where we had an equally hard time bustin’ a smile…

smiletry harder

try a ssmilesmile1

The big difference is that this time he managed to at least look civil, something we couldn’t pull off in either tone or demeanor last Friday.

arrivingArriving for our presser, Friday. Not happy.

So the campaign handlers at least managed to make little candidate Obama look civil for the little screen last night.

primetime

Still, it’s a far cry from candidate Obama, 2008 style.

NN_27obama2

I don’t know. I just don’t see how any of this is a good sign.

Going…

practicing on-going efforts to find a balanced approach to deficit reduction at the University of Maryland in College Park, Maryland

Going…

half gone

Gone?

three quarters gone

Maybe Big Guy should start paying attention to some of those words that he and TOTUS read to the nation:

“…we have tried to live by the words that Jefferson once wrote:  “Every man cannot have his way in all things -- without this mutual disposition, we are disjointed individuals, but not a society.”

“History is scattered with the stories of those who held fast to rigid ideologies and refused to listen to those who disagreed.  But those are not the Americans we remember.  We remember the Americans who put country above self, and set personal grievances aside for the greater good.  We remember the Americans who held this country together during its most difficult hours; who put aside pride and party to form a more perfect union.”

So how about a “balanced approach” that includes the basic principles  of free market capitalism and the Constitution on which we stand? That would give us some HOPE for CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN again. How about a little bit less class warfare, Bush blaming, whining and PR and a little bit more Reaganomics. Especially since Ronnie is apparently Big Guy’s newest and bestest R-word friend. And although Big Guy didn’t know Ronald Reagan, I did, and trust me, he is no Ronald Reagan. So I guess I’m expecting too much.

As I’ve said from the start, Big Guy’s always been more like his fellow US President and proud Nobel Peace Prize winner, Jimmah:

You’ll next be hearing from me somewhere in the Rockies, where Lady M will be collecting alms and homages from the idle rich for our historic re-election campaign. While it’s still voluntary.

Post Script: Although nothing is OT on my little blog, this is a wee bit OT. Butt, I feel it is my duty to nip this rumor in the bud PDQ, before it becomes an official interweb meme. Partly, because I may have inadvertently started it with my Chuck Norris piece last weekend.

Our own MOD, Gerard @ American Digest is investigating an unfortunate set of images that appear to link  Big Guy, Lady M, and Chuck Norris with a recent Italian incident. For my part, I have no official knowledge of any such connection, and if there ever were any evidence on my hard drive providing such a connection, it was unexpectedly lost due to a brief power outage this morning. Butt you take a look and tell me what you think.

littleknownincident[5]

Clearly, there is a ‘shopper at work here. Amateur sleuths like me, will recognize immediately the modifications made to the third photo in the evidence chain. Take a look at this comparison to the original from my hard drive and see if you don’t agree:

bo phone evidence_thumb[1]

“Evidence” Photo       

bo phone original_thumb[1]

“Original” Photo

I report, you decide.