Saturday, February 13, 2010

Did You See a Siberian Tiger, Or a Cheetah?

Unless he pulls off a miracle, Big Guy is really in the dog house. First off, Camp David “rustic” is not exactly the style Lady M had in mind for a well earned romantic Valentine’s Day date. And when she told Larry King last week that she expected the “moon, stars, and sun, honey” for the big V day, this is definitely not what she had in mind. Next time maybe Bo will be a little more specific when he asks his little people to do his shopping.

Let’s just say if he doesn’t come up with something pronto, it’s not just the Republicans who are going to be wiping the floor with him next year.

I’m doing my best to help him out, but he did drag us up here into the woods, and aside from Pajama-grams and 1-800-FLOWERS I don’t think you can get delivery on very much today. I did get brother Hub to send me a couple of images that I thought Big Guy might use in lieu of a Valentine’s card (which he forgot to have his little people pick out and sign for him, so by my count that’s a full 3 strikes). They’re not exactly the moon, stars and sun, but a pretty good facsimile.

halloweeen fairies hs-1999-19-i-web


I thought any one of them, framed and signed by Hub himself, might impress, but Big Guy say’s if he can’t get his hands on some ice, he’s going to be handed his you-know-what. Ice shouldn’t be too hard. It looks a lot like outer Siberia around here


Hey! Maybe a nice fur coat! If we re-cycled, I don’t see how even PETA could complain.

fur-coat-black-and-white1 I think I could work with this

I know Lady M said she doesn’t wear fur, but that was before Snow-bama-geddon. And I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her wear cheetah before so I don’t think it’s one of her iron clad positions, like eating healthy.

hallow surprise

Friday, February 12, 2010

I’m Feeling Some Negative Karma

We were very sorry to hear that fashion forward designer Alexander McQueen has passed away. However, let me reiterate what Gibbsy has already told everyone: there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that he took his own life after seeing Lady M wearing one of his creations with a blouse from the 80’s and a Santa belt.

a mcqueen Lady M in Alexander McQueen suit

After all, Mr. McQueen appeared to embrace fashion forward concepts in his designs, and had a high tolerance for the bizarre:

mcQueen        mcQueen3 McQueen runway creations

mcqueen lobstergaga Lady Gaga in McQueen’s lobster claw shoes

So we are assuming that he had other issues. My guess: it had something to do with George W. Bush.

But let’s face it, this doesn’t look good for the O’s. First Virginia, then New Jersey followed by sudden death in Massachusetts. Now this. It was bad enough when it looked like Big Guy was losing some of his mojo. Now it looks like he’s sending some of his bad karma Lady M’s way.

Sure, she can find a new designer. But any way you look at it, this is a great loss. Don’t worry, by tomorrow Gibbsy will re-spin it as a victory for diversity or something.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Big White-Out


The Government has shut down! Lady M has no dragons to slay today, so I’m getting a snow day!

I think Big Guy is laying low too, which means media withdrawal symptoms by noon, so I’m going to spend most of the day catching up on my reading in my little room at the back of Lady M’s closet. Later on, TOTUS and I are going to get together in the basement media room and practice a little scrolling. That never gets old.

I’ve got my Blackberry with me, just in case that little wiener from Iran tries anything stupid.

But you all be careful out there. Apparently we still have real enemies.

 beautiful-bo_454x330 Little Bo stalks his enemies in the Big White-out

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Snow-Bama-Geddon: Let’s Moove!

Yesterday was a nightmare of costume changes: Anti-Fat-Kids task force in the morning:



“Let’s Move ” official kick-off in the afternoon with and without props:



mo boys

Than we had a great Larry King interview in the Evening:

FireShot capture #009 - 'First lady on health care_ 'Doing nothing ___ not an option' - CNN_com' - edition_cnn_com_2010_POLITICS_02_09_lkl_michelle_obama


 "When you like people, having a job where you get to interact with folks on a day-to-day basis and you get to do things that make a difference -- it's not a bad gig." The operative term here is “ when you like people”.

On how the president deals with criticism: "You know, he doesn't get down easily. He gets very focused and very serious when he's facing a challenge. But, you know, the thing about Barack is that he stays humble and keeps things in perspective.”  Operative word “humble”

Does the president ever get mad?

MRS. OBAMA: Oh, yes.

KING: Angry, angry?

MRS. OBAMA: Oh absolutely. But...

KING: Ticked off?

MRS. OBAMA: Oh, yes. Yes, he's human. You know, if you prick him, he'll bleed. Operative word “prick”.

Mrs. Obama added: "We talked about wanting a stable, consistent leader.” Operative term, “talked about”.

Unemployment and the president: "Until the unemployment numbers go down, I don't think my husband is satisfied. ... You know, a lot was saved with the stimulus.” Operative term: “a lot was”, note we’re no longer calling them “jobs”. “And again, you know, it's -- it's hard to tell people who are hurting that things could have been worse if we hadn't done what we've done." Operative term: “it’s hard”. Oh my, yes. We know how hard it is for you all.

Regarding the upcoming Valentine's Day:

KING: What do you expect? Roses? Chocolates?

MRS. OBAMA: Oh, I expect the moon the stars and the sun, honey. Operative term… well, I think you get the picture.

The whole wonderful day was capped by an evening of Civil Rights Music in the Big White. This was originally scheduled for tonight, but we had to move it to last night because there’s another Snow-Bama-Geddon on the way. Not good, because we like to parcel out our public appearances on a daily basis in order to cover every news cycle without having to repeat. But sometimes something bigger than even our wishes and plans stand in the way of achieving our objectives. Like tea parties.

crystal and lace

Because of all the black on black, I need to zoom in to show you the exquisite detail of the black lace, sparkly sheer sleeves and crystal neckgear. Oh, and the self-belting semi-bodice.

crystal and lace

The concert was swell,everyone enjoyed locking arms and swaying to the oldies. But a lot of the old civil rights singers don’t really sing so much as they warble and hum along with the music. Although those Black Mississippi Blind Boys can still belt it out like nobody’s business. And Bob Dylan was here too.

Everyone had a very good time, but the pre and post concert snacks weren’t anything to write home about. I guess we didn’t want to be criticized for serving high caloric food on the very day of our anti-fat-kids kick off. We’ll have to wait till today.  I hope they bring Paula Deen back, now that lady knows how to make treats.

Magnolia Lace Trumpets with Chocolate Cream Cheese Filling


It was a day of heavy lifting for both of the O’s.(Big Guy pulled an impromptu press conference at a press briefing where Gibbsy performed some stupid people tricks. It was great fun.)

But I’ll share a little secret with you, some of yesterdays optics? We did it with mirrors.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Let’s Moo-ve

This morning marked the official kick off of the O’s War on Twinkies, aka “Let’s Move”.

blue22 So here’s the O’s command and control plan for battling kiddie-porn fat:  eat healthier( as determined by companies who supply food and cafeteria services to school lunch programs across the country and who,incidentally, have been big contributors to the Won’s campaign coffers) be more active (through government funded pre,post and during school programs) and get healthier (that part’s just an edict – because we won – and we’re worried about healthcare costs ).

The whole gang got together this morning to watch Big Guy ink the Presidential Memorandum creating the first ever Task Force on Childhood Obesity. EVERYONE is involved, which is how you can tell it’s really big money important: the DPC, Office of the First Lady, Interior, USDA, HHS, Education, NEC and other agencies, as necessary. But look, here’s what’s cute:610x

Look closely: they are all color coordinated! Blue tie, blue tie, blue tie, blue dress and – ah – sweater, blue tie. Kitty seemed to be the only one who didn’t get the memo, or maybe she felt that her hair was close enough. I’m not sure what it means, but after the purple coordinated SOTU, I believe I’ve spotted a trend. Not as big as pole-dancer boots, but definitely a trend. Anyway, that explains why Andy Stern wasn’t present at the signing – he only has purple ties.

So the Task Force on Childhood Obesity will be conducting a review of every single program and policy relating to child nutrition and physical activity (there are thousands and thousands, as you might imagine) and develop a national action plan that “maximizes federal resources.” I’m not sure exactly what that means, but I’m pretty sure the deficit hawks aren’t going to like it.  We have to get that review done in 90 days or less, so we have plenty of time left in our historic administration to award big contracts to loyal supporters who can benefit contribute to the effort. And remember: it’s all about the children. Because they’re too fat.

We are going to be very busy. So LET’S MOVE!

Somehow I think a lot of people would like to do just that, if they had any idea where they could go.

Let’s Get Those Happy Feet Moo-ving

In preparation for the kickoff of our childhood obesity campaign, we’ve spent the last 3 days in hair and makeup; in addition we also spent hours in body wraps and practicing ingress and egress drills for our new industrial Spanx. So we looked extra sharp on GMA, where Lady M proclaimed her love for burgers and fries. There’s breaking news. Anyway, just chalk having to give them up for organic Wagyu beef sliders and truffled pommes frites as one more sacrifice MO has made for her country.

For the appearance, MO wore one of her most elegant white sheath dresses with a matching elegant classic jacket.


If you look closely, you’ll see just how fashion forward Lady M truly is: in lieu of other embellishments, she chose her buff colored thigh-high pole dancer boots to accessorize. Wow!  MO rocks! For those of you who thought they were anti-embolism socks, all I can say is get a subscription to Style.

But this campaign is really all about the children. (And the SEIU and the major suppliers of school lunches, like Sodexo. Because remember, this is going to be one of our administration’s signature “partnerships.” Just like back in Chicago.) But you can watch the whole video if you want. You’ll see it really is all about the children. Oh, did I already mention that? I just didn’t want you to forget. So grab a sugary soda, a bag of chips and a few cookies to enjoy while watching: after all, we’re not children.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Win One For the Lipper

slide_1195_18382_large Lady M  in the green room going over some game day plans with the organic vegetable carvers

Finally, something to celebrate around here. Big Guy’s team won the Super Bowl!  OK, technically Big Guy predicted a Colts victory, but both BO and MO  were rooting for the Saints. And they even found a way to make their underdog status George  W. Bush’s fault.

Obama said the Indianapolis Colts "probably have to be favored"because of star quarterback Peyton Manning but he was partial to the underdog New Orleans Saints, largely due to the devastation that city suffered in Hurricane Katrina in 2005.

And here’s more good news: David Plouffe is back to help Big Guy with some of the prickly legislative items!  He designed our bifurcated Super Bowl  party buffets: 1) the standard greasy buffalo wings, pizza and nachos, pitted against 2) the super-slim, super healthy, super smart buffet consisting of organic veggies artfully carved into little green footballs.

But before he got to party with the cabinet and congressional delegates in the giant TV den, Big Guy had to play kissy face with Katie super interview He told her he’s got everything under control. He’s going to talk to Republicans ‘tah’ get their ideas for how to solve the health care problem. I’ll bet he wishes he had thought of that at last years Super Bowl party.

But a health care summit! At the White House! Lady M is very excited. We can pass out our toxic organic veggies and sugar filled goodie bags.

We’re thinking of having a Big White summit with the R-words regarding the deficit too. But first they have to promise to cancel the foreclosure plans.


Sunday, February 7, 2010

The End Is Near


barack_Obama_michelle_obama_Democratic_National_Committee_Winter_Meeting_Washington  "Snowmageddon."

sp2 Obamageddon

And there are multiple definitions for each term.

Choose wisely, weedhoppers.