Saturday, December 26, 2009

Santa Baby On the Beach

I’m going to let you in on a little secret I just recently discovered: I think I have special powers that even NASA doesn’t know about! It all started the night before we left for Hawaii. There was a huge celebration back at the Big White that night. Big Guy’s Chicago mob came through for him, and he knew he had the Senate bill in the bag.There were many toasts to the “FDR of the 21st century!”  and “the first black Santa Claus”. When everyone finally left and I set my circuit board on “slumber,” I dreamed that wonderful dream about our Winter Solstice vacation that I shared with you earlier.

Now that we’re here, I believe I’ve discovered that I have the power to make my dreams come true! Please don’t tell anyone. If Rhambo ever finds out, well … let’s not even go there. Besides, I’m not even positive that I’m right about this.

But see what you think for yourself:  

santa bo-beach copyBig Guy in my dream

Obama Vacation Big Guy recharging his solar panels on the beach in Oahu

Let’s just say it’s a little more than coincidental. I am a little creeped out, but I’ve always been able to use my powers for good in the past – and as long as Rhambo doesn’t find out, I’ve no reason to believe that won’t continue in the future. But I think I’ll have Raj install a new backup security firewall  – just in case I’m right about this new power.

In other Solstice news: In order to extend a proper greeting to their native son (so-to-speak) and his family, the Hawaiians brought in the only mayor they could find who would make MO look slim and diminutive.

does he make my butt look smallHonolulu Mayor Mufi Hanneman greets Lady M 

Now that’s what I call island hospitality. And they don’t even have a 60 person protocol department.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Christmas Blessings

Christmas greetings to you and yours from MOTUS (and Raj). Please click to zoom in on our card for a reminder of what has been sacrificed to ensure that we remain free to celebrate the day in the religious tradition (or not) of our choice.

Photo Mosaic by Flatsimile Studios

Fallen soldiers photos via Washington Post.

Mannheim Steamroller: Stille Nacht

Blessings to all of our troops and their families during this season of real hope. Drag to re-center and zoom into other areas.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Mele Kalik-Obama

Santa and his elves are hanging around D.C. just long enough this morning to vote on how much they’re going to charge for shipping and handling on this year’s free gifts.

Then we can all fly away for our Winter Solstice holidays! I can’t wait – I’ve never been to Big Guy’s alleged birth state. I have to remember to pack my UVA and UVB lenses.

I dreamed about our vacation all last night …

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

It Runs In the Family

Lady M and the girls went to Children’s Medical Center yesterday to READ to the kids, their parents and caregivers! Can you believe it? A whole family full of readers. They are truly blessed.


For their reads, MO chose “The Night Before Christmas”, while Sasha and Malia took turns reading from “Snowmen at Night”. Despite the word “Christmas” in the title of MO’s read, it has been approved by the Secularists Against Christmas group, as it is officially a 99.8% secular read.


“Look Mom! I can get my arms around the First Lady! I can be your belt, Mrs. O!”







Poor Bo. He still hasn’t learned how to read. But he’s doing much better in the “leaving presents” behind department.





I don’t as a rule comment on the girls at all, but I just can’t help pointing out how cute Malia looks in this mini-ME outfit: cuffs, layers, cardigans and multiple bangles on her wrist. But thank goodness she has the good sense to realize that she’s too young for those belts yet.



After her lively reading, she handed the floor over to Sasha and Malia who, alternating pages, read "Snowmen at Night" . .. At the mention of hot chocolate in the story, Malia interjected that the mom in chief makes a fine cup of cocoa. Then, Obama asked for a repeat of a particularly rousing sound effect as Malia read her part of the tale: Wha-hooo!

Can you do that again? asked her mom. Wha-hooo!

See? The kid is just a natural.




Bo has learned how to give high five’s (remember how adorable he was with the Oprah?). Next year we’re bringing in the dog whisperer to teach him how to do fist bumps, won’t that be irresistible on the campaign trail?

Got to get back to work now. I just found out I’ve been invited to go to Hawaii with the First Family for our Winter Solstice vacation! I’ll be on duty of course (there will be bathing suits, after all). I have a lot of packing to do, plus, we’ll be wrapping up our year-long airing of grievances later today around the Festivus Pole. I heard Rahm and Big Guy chuckling last night as they were setting it up. Something about having done a great job sticking it up. I guess they both really like the grievance thing.

I sure hope they don’t get into that “Feats of Strength” thing though. I think we all know how that will go. Because there’s only one member of the household that has both biceps and balls.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Digging Our Way to Prosperity

Might I recommend that those of you in the running for the 2nd Snark Attack of the Week Award – or anyone planning to vote - visit Mrs. P’s post at Patum and Peperium? After her gracious acceptance speech, she has also graciously acknowledged the not insignificant role of her second grade teacher in her achievement.

Mrs. P has truly raised the bar in the mini-genre of award acceptances. And that’s just refreshing, accustomed as we are to a culture ever inclined to keep moving the bar down - even if it requires digging a big hole.


Grand Canyon

The First Rule of Holes: When you find yourself in one, stop digging.profiles_Omamagarden_5704_127886_xlarge.jpeg PHO-09Jan21-159395


Silver Belts, Silver Belts, It’s Christmas Time In Hawaii

You probably heard about the Obama’s in Oahu Winter Solstice holiday. But what to pack? Lady M has been in a tizzy.

We’ve got the leis covered: laua juneJune Luau






Market  luau, August

But the rest of the wardrobe is problematic. It’s warm in Hawaii this time of year, so our signature cardigans are probably going to look even less appropriate than usual.

232x327 232x272 sweaterr 232x334      mvomit Michelle-Obama-portera-la-cuissarde-sans-talon_mode_une copenhagen3 BIG RED BELT child work 232x351

That leaves only the sundresses , belts and shorts.

mo leapneeds-more-boob-belt slide_1204_18446_large strapped slide_1204_18451_large

shorts michelle

God help us if she decides to combine all three, because, let’s face it, Lady M doesn’t have Jennifer’s hair.


Monday, December 21, 2009

Happy Winter Holidays to Druids Everywhere

This is such a hectic season. The religious celebrations started last week, with the secular feasts to follow. First there was the 8th Night of Hanukkah party that we threw for our Jewish friends (although, just between you and me, I’m surprised we have any left).

national_menorah_white_house Non-denominational menorah at Big White

Like nearly every party we’ve had here lately, there was some controversy. First there was an issue over the number of invitees. It seems we initially invited only half as many Jewish friends as GWB did at his last Hanukkah party. But once everyone started flapping their gibs about it, we quickly sent out another 150 invites: you wouldn’t believe how many Jewish friends Joe Lieberman found for us! Then there was some silly flap over the fact that although we were celebrating Hanukkah, someone on Desiree’s staff decided to send the invitations out to the most influential Jews in America inviting them to a “holiday” party instead of a Hanukkah celebration.

I guess religious stuff makes Desiree and her staff a little nervous. It just seems odd to me that we would hire 30 people to come in to “kosherize” the Big White kitchen and then forget to tell the guests that it’s a Hanukkah party. But that’s why I’m MO’s mirror, and Desiree is her social secretary diva.

P121609SA-0124 Little children at the 8th night “holiday” celebration

I guess the official position (for now) is that all of our Big White celebrations are “holiday” celebrations, regardless of religious affiliation. I just hope no one goes poking through their mementos from our big Ramadan celebration last September, because I’m pretty sure that was billed as a “Ramadan” party.

Then there was the other big religious celebration last week: The Thermists* most holy week of worship at the altar of Global Warming in Copenhagen. Everybody who’s anybody in the Church of Thermology showed up.


Lady M couldn’t get away to attend this event, but it was just as well. She really hates snow and cold. And Big Guy can tell you, it was pretty chilly there.

Thankfully, that will be the end of the religious celebrations for a while. Coming up on the 23rd we have Festivus (as I mentioned earlier, we have a head start on this one, since BO and MO have been airing their grievances since they got here), followed by the joyous feast of Winter Solstice and wrapping up with Kwanza – which is most assuredly not religious. Unless by religious you mean a feast invented by a god-hating black racist who served time for multiple felonies.

And then, we’re already into a new year! We can start airing our grievances anew.


* Thermist: Member of the Church of Thermology. A god-less religion that worships environmentalism and rails against the satanic forces of industry and capitalism. The religion is based on the(unsubstantiated) belief that earth achieved its ideal temperature in 1906 and has been rising,to our detriment, ever since. Adherents of the religion are required to accept this basic premise on faith and do whatever is necessary to reduce Earth’s fever so as to return it to the pristine state of the Belle Époque. Once that ideal state has been attained, it is mankind’s responsibility to maintain earth’s perfect temperature in perpetuity. 

The Church of Thermology (aka the Church of Immaculate Deception) requires its members to participate in cleansing and purification rituals that include the rejection of the evil  element carbon, while simultaneously embracing Whole Foods, Priuses and South American dictators.

Al Gore is the religion’s patron saint. He invented the internet and  has spent the 10 years subsequent to his unsuccessful presidential  bid producing scary movies and amassing a fortune based on the sale of carbon credits: to date the largest legal scam ever perpetrated on a gullible public.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

When Snarks Attack: 2

Well it’s time for my new weekly segment, the Snark Attack Of The Week Contest. Before starting this weeks big contest, I want to send out Hugs & Kisses to the millions of bloggers who voted for their favorite Snark Attack, even if it was their own.

And now … drum roll please … the winner of the first ever MOTUS Snark Attack Of The Week Contest and recipient of this weeks “Golden FLOTUS” is:

Mrs. P “… solar panel heating.”

Mrs. P award-final- copy

Congratulations Mrs. P. You may proudly display your “Golden FLOTUS” on your mantle, dashboard, website or anywhere else you choose. And congratulations to all of my finalists; you are all winners in the progressive world of “contests.” But here, in the real world, the final count shows Mrs. P kicked your tuchus.

Some of you may have gotten more votes if all blog readers were equipped with the latest text translation apps like me & TOTUS, or a household 5 year old to interpret : bettyann writes “… My daughter, a fashion legend in her own mind, reads this blog. Now I know what OMG OMG OMG means…”

But remember, there will be a chance to win every week (if by every week you mean when I feel like it) and there may even be fabulous prizes, if we get a big new stimulus package. So, let the games begin (and once again, let me remind you, Chicago rules apply!) :

Nominees For The Week Of

December 13-19, 2009

(comments may be edited by moi)

  1. chiron: "He Put In His Thumb, and Pulled Out a Plum…":
    ....I must say, the only thing with any balls in that picture is the Christmas tree.
  2. Moright: "They’re Both Batt-y":
    Remember the Jimmy Carter years, folks? The sweaters? The gas lines? The failed presidency? The Snuggie may become the emblem of this Zero presidency.
  3. Cinderella: "They’re Both Batt-y":
    … Do you suppose we'll see him appearing at Williams Sonoma next week to hawk the newest in non stick cookware? How about a stop at Saks to pass out samples of the latest miracle skin cream?
    Does this man have nothing better to do with his time?
  4. AnnieCarmel: "Lady M’s Holiday Gift Return Policy":
    Notice that Grandma comes after the dog...just wondering when she'll send Grandma out to the local parks to pick up dog poop as she suggested during the campaign for all seniors to make themselves "useful". Maybe Grandma can escape the Park detail...probably enough poop to pick up in Big White alone.
  5. bettyann: "Warming Hearts and Minds In Copenhagen":
    SELL MY HARLEY!!? It may be cold in Copenhagen, but hell has not yet frozen over. The house goes back to the bank first!
    Besides, without a Harley, how is a girl supposed to cope with hot flashes?

Vote early, vote often!