Saturday, December 12, 2009

He Put In His Thumb, and Pulled Out a Plum…

You will not believe the prime time line-up this weekend. First, our Big White special with Big O ,the Big O’s and little Bo. Must see TV.

Sugar Plum Fairies 

And on “60 Minutes,”  Big Guy will be taking some people to the woodshed. "I did not run for office to be helping out a bunch of fat-cat bankers on Wall Street." he’ll tell host Steve Kroft. Ha, ha, ha. Of course not. Those fat-cat bankers, are the ones who GOT him into office. Tune in. This one’s going to be good.

And all this on the heels of Lady M being named Barbara Walters “Most Fascinating Person of the Year”! In case you’ve forgotten, Big Guy took this honor last year.

MO told Barbara her secret to her toned arms, that we’re so proud of: workouts!

"My personal routine hasn't changed much in the past 11 years," she said. "I really started right after I had Malia, our oldest, and some of that was, you know, in all honesty it was a little sort of revenge because I'm married to a man who has worked out all of his life. And regardless of how busy he is, he finds the time to work out. And there was a point at which I got a little resentful of that."

No! I cannot believe Lady M ever had a resentful bone in her body! Can you? There’s your sound bite, Larry King.


Just in case your curious, other people on Bab’s “fascinating” list are:

Kate Gosselin, Glenn Beck, Brett Favre, Lady Gaga, Adam Lambert, Tyler Perry, Sarah Palin, First Lady of South Carolina Jenny Sanford and Michael Jackson's three children, Prince Michael Joseph, 12, Paris Michael Katherine, 11, and Prince Michael II, 7, who were counted as one person. (That’s Democratic Congressional math.)

Friday, December 11, 2009

Oslo Runway Review

Winging our way home now! One of our most successful trips ever. And before anyone gets started with me, I just want to deny the rumor started by my buddy Dewey: NO. TOTUS did NOT get the the West Point speech mixed up with the Oslo speech. Let’s just say, as they do in politics, that we’ve had a focus shift, based on the most recent poll results.

And good news. The only apologizing Big Guy did over here was for not deserving the honor of winning the Nobel. My advice: stop apologizing for that too. After all, we WON!

Now, what you’re really interested in: a re-cap of the Oslo runway show with Lady M.

1departBWinazzedinealaiacroppedjacke[2] Here we are departing Big White Wednesday night (after Raj’s b-day party) en route to Oslo. MO wore our cropped jacket by Azzedine Alaia, pants, and black flats (they make Big Guy bigger, no ?)

2_thumb On Air Force Won, we changed into our arrival outfit. This is a do-over from the ceremony at Arlington Cemetery during the inauguration. Recycling: we’re all over it.


The Lady M signs autographs for the Norwegian Nobel Committee in Oslo, Norway on Thursday, wearing one of our favorite snuggies with a “petrified” flower pin grown in our own organic garden.


Here, Lady M pulls out all the stops wearing a Calvin Klein gold leaf gown befitting a queen. To fend off expected attacks of “imitating royalty” from the right-wing attack machine, MO demonstrates her commitment to diversity by removing nits from Big Guy, just like they do in BO’s homeland Kenya, before entering the Royal Castle in Oslo on Thursday.


When we arrived for the Nobel Peace prize award ceremony at the City Hall in Oslo on Thursday, we wowed the crowd by reprising the Nina Ricci cardigan we wore at the inauguration (continuing our commitment to saving the world, one recycled garment at a time). Just be happy I won on the belt.


My bad here. I assumed that since MO was barefoot and the camera angle was low, Big Guy would look, well, bigger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, when you assume….


We arrived at the Nobel Banquet in Oslo wearing some of our favorite draperies over our pale blue Speedo. Gosh those people really are little aren't they.

We had to add the jacket in the unseasonably cold climes, to watch the torch light parade that the Oslots threw for us:


Here you get the full princess lampshade effect.

The parade was spectacular! They even had one float dedicated to the FOX news network:NrwTroll-1_thumb[3]Norwegian troll dolls

But alas, every fairy tale must come to an end. And we left this morning for our long flight home.


Another do-over from the inauguration: a handsome camel and black Narciso Rodriguez that we wore to the “We Are the Won One” concert. We’ve been starving ourselves for days in order to fit into it again. Even so, we had to let the seams out a wee bit.

I’m sure our hosts understand the urgency that requires our hasty departure from their wonderful (but cold) country. We have to get back to save our team’s prime directives: Obamacare and Cap and Tax Trade. Also, Big Guy wants to get back before Toxic Tim lets another one of our banks slip out of our grasp.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Golden Geese Land in Oslo

Heh. You decide if the “golden goose” from the previous post referred to the United States being fleeced by Third World Countries or Lady M, wearing the golden fleece.



Nobel Peace Prize Award Ceremony - Oslo_1260476030919 Photo from AP Photo - News, photos, topics, and quotes_1260477555851


And look! NO BELTS!!


But how about the evening ensemble?


As you can see, the new lamp shade theme is going to be the next  big trend. Here we are on our hotel balcony, bestowing the royal wave on the little people in the street below.







Lots of Spanx…but no belt!!!

We wanted to give a bow to some local fashion icons, but  Bjork –world famous singer from Iceland -  was as close as we could get. Since her famous swan dress from the Academy Awards had served as inspiration for Lady M’s inaugural gown , we went with this ever popular look again for the Big Prize party.

bjork2 mo-bjork

Did we sweep these fish-eating Scandowegians off their feet tonight or what?


What are these bars?window

Oh yes, they’ll be talking about these two golden geese for quite awhile to come.

The Golden Goose Has Landed

Here we are in Oslo! norway4As you see, MO is wearing a lovely soft plum coat, and because it’s so cold here, we’ve replaced our signature bow with a ruffly scarf in a lighter shade of the same hue.norway7


Here’s a better shot: It was still dark when we got here (I guess it almost always is this time of year) so the plum looks slightly blue, but trust me - plum. It’s symbolic.

Since we departed the Big White right after Raj’s party and a light dinner, we had to change our clothes in flight.

norway13  Here we are leaving on Marine One, all bundled up because winter is ahead of schedule in D.C. too. Apparently global warming has gone on hiatus since BO’s inauguration. Some are saying Big Guy is responsible for that too. Maybe next year he will win a Nobel prize in Physics.

But back to Oslo. First there was an official “signing-in”. What a hoot! Neither BO or MO has had to sign for anything in ages.

norway2 Figures that BO is a lefty.


Lady M is looking quite regal today in a deep gray, draped front dress. And look! I put the belt near her natural waist. What do you think about this new approach to belts? We can’t get rid of them altogether because they are a Lady M signature, but now that people are starting to make fun of them in a few of the mainstream rags, I’m going to try to re-image them to an approximate middle and just claim she’s short-waisted.


Here’s a group of protestors we saw on our way to lunch. It looks to me like they booked a flight to the wrong city, Big Guy won’t be in Copenhagen until the end of the week. But since they’re here, I’ll just put in my 2 cents worth: Hey Red Squad! You’re right. And we also pay for everything else. So you may now go back to plotting the take over of the civilized world: brought to you exclusively by rich countries. (Haven’t you guys heard about the golden goose?) Oh, and nice suits. But at your next protest, you might want to try a uniform that looks a little more, shall we say, understated? It’s hard to be taken seriously when you’re dressed like a Norwegian clown posse.

Apparently there’s been some grumbling around here about Big Guy and Lady M shunning King Harold’s invitation to lunch today. But seriously, Marcus told us what they were serving and Lady M just put her foot down: no more smelly dead fish. Rhambo is the only one in the Administration that really seems to relish them. But the protocol “experts” are all a twitter again because every other Nobel Laureate – ever - has attended the ceremonial luncheon with the King. Apparently they don’t know that we’re all about CHANGE.

Besides, if we don’t go, there’s no chance for another one of those deep bows to another royal that the protocol “experts” also hate.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Copenhagen to WH: Stop Global Warming, Blow Out Those Candles.

For those of you who follow the Big White schedule, you’ve probably noted that we changed our original departure date for Copenhagen  from today, December 9th, to next week. No, we’re not boycotting the conference, are you kidding? And even if we had been planning to, now that Sarah said we should, we’re planning on staying an extra day. Besides, as Team-Obama biggie Larry Summers asked, what do girls know about science and economics any way? And need I remind you? We Won.

There have been more rumored reasons for our change of plans than Tiger has paramours. Let me waive off all the silly rumors, and let you in on the real reason for the delay.

joeyb and gatecrashers

First, it’s not because Big Guy got “wind'” of Joey B’s scheme to pack “fart cushions” in TOTUS’ travel case for a reprise of the joke he played on Al Gore when he gave his big Global Warming speech in the Senate. (Although it was rather funny when Al sat down on the whoopie cushion, and Joey goes “Whoa!  What was that? A barking spider? Did someone squeeze a mouse!” It really brought down the House.)

Second, it’s not due to FOX’s (we hate them) illegally obtained emails from the CRU team at East Anglia University demonstrating data manipulation, lies and fraud with respect to the so-called global warming data. Facts seldom inform our positions anyway.

hockey-stick-clipit-graphic Clippy ClimateGate Humor h/t Doug Ross Journal




Third: It’s not because celebrity chef Marcus Samuelsson (Indian State Dinner chef!)spilled the beans on the Copenhagen menus when he was here (I told him not to mention anything about stinky little fish to Lady M. Did he listen? )

Marcus Samuelsson and wife Maya Hailes


Danish queen obamas

Fourth: There is no concern that BO is going to bow to royals again. As you can see, we dodged that bullet the last time we met with Danish Queen Margrethe and her husband. No one caught it on camera. Besides, Big Guy can’t think of one thing to apologize to Queen Margrethe for. On the contrary, he thinks she might owe him an apology: he’s not suffered rejection in any other world capital .

The actual reason for the change of plans is because today is Raj’s birthday. And believe me, Big Guy owes him big time for keeping TOTUS’ hard drives and monitors in peak operating condition for all the Big Reads and off-the-cuff remarks. So BO really didn’t want to miss the celebration, even though we’re just having leftover curry from the Indian State dinner. (The only thing worse than the organic food from Lady M’s garden are the recycled leftovers.) But Big Guy will probably just show up to fist bump Raj and tell him how fortunate he is to be participating in BO’s extraordinary, historic  presidency. After seeing if Raj wants any autographs for his family back in Gujarat, and thanking him for his small contributions to his unprecedented first year, BO will bug out: so the staff can party without being intimidated by his presence. Lady M and BO will dine in the private quarters on a simple dinner of little Kobe beef sliders and truffled fries. They need to keep up their strength: Health care, recession, global warming – there’s still a whole world out there that needs to be created or saved.


But happy birthday Raj! We couldn’t pull this off without you.




Raj Rajaroni, Chief Tech Support, MOTUS and TOTUS

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Victor,Victory,Victoria (Major Update)

I suppose you saw the new “Who’ll be the next Victoria’s Secret Model” winner. Goodness! This is supposed to be the American ideal?

kylie_busutti  Kylie Bisutti, Victoria’s Secret Model Search winner

Please. She has nothing on Lady M.

MO has style:



belts7medal honorMO june 25 


…and grace:

mo leap  o european 2 

and she also looks hot in her little black dress

kylie _bisutti--300x300 mobo aniver

Tall boots? We’ve got ‘em:

 blue beltedkylie2

But I don’t see a single fashionable belt anywhere in Ms Bisutti’s wardrobe.

kylieAnd about those, ahem, “natural” physical attributes. Once we usher in Obama-care, those bissutis  will no longer be readily available. So all you under-endowed wannabes out there: I suggest you brush up on your community organizing skills if you really want to land a good gig.


Reflect on this,

 you on private sector health care:













you on Obama-care: bitch!






As you can see, I can do time-shifted trans-imaging too…

Ok, I’m back from the darkside. Don’t make me go there again.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Kennedy Center: Doo Wa’s and Hoo-ha’s.

Wow, what an evening! Better than the Grammys, expect no dirty dancing. For the occasion, Lady M pulled out all the stops.

KennedyCenterhonors2 We’re making progress: no more gowns reminiscent of WH draperies. We’ve moved on to lampshades.(and how do you like the handiwork of my newly installed wasp-waist drivers?)

You’ve probably heard about the winners of the 32nd Kennedy Center Honors: Mel Brooks, Bruce Springsteen, Grace Bumbry (opera, people), Dave Brubeck and Robert De Niro. I can’t speak to the rest of the gang, but I have some insight into why Grace and Robert won – it’s mostly due to their sartorial tastes:

kennedydenirograce hightower 

Robert De Niro and wife Grace Hightower





Robert De Niro in Raging Bull. The inspiration for many of Mo’s fashion accessories.

Grace Bumbry, like Lady M, has a very individual sense of style.

kennedygracebumbry Although hers also serves a practical purpose: a portable projection chamber: kennedygrace

Big Guy had a lot of fun looking down on the little people.

kennedy1 kennedydoowa's

Here is a shot of BO and his DooWa’s and here is a pic of MO without her hoo-ha’s:


But the night was magical, and peppered with huge celebrities.

 kennedy aretha  Aretha



Nancy and hubby, straight from Madame Tussaud’s







Sting and Trudy


kennedyjacktanya hayden 

Jack Black and Tanya Hayden





It’s almost enough to make you forget about health care and global warming, isn’t it?