Saturday, August 14, 2010

When Snarks Attack: 9

To celebrate Big Guy finally plugging the damn hole, we are actually going to deliver another historic first: keeping a promise! That’s right, we are going to keep our promise to take the whole family (minus Wee Won-1) to the oil soaked Golf Coast for a brief vacation. And believe me, we need a vacation, because plugging the damn hole was harder than stopping the oil leak.

carville obama binkie copy

Finally. We’ve Got That Damn Hole Plugged!

So, because I’m in a celebratory mood, and because my super-secret nominating committee finally completed it’s work this afternoon, I am proud to announce the nominees for July’s coveted Golden FLOTUS.

In July, we set another historic record with over a gazillion snarky comments posted. If only our Obam-Economy were growing so fast. So many snarks are flying in that I’m going to have to put in a requisition to hire a super-secret-pre-screening committee to review the snarks. I think I’ve got a shot at it, after the dismal jobs report the other day, because Big Guy’s still got a sack full of stimulus-Benjamins, and I specified SEIU “members only” in the job qualifications. I’m starting to figure out how to get things done around DC.

Once again, it was very hard to narrow the choices down to a manageable “baker’s dozen.” One of my super-secret nominating committee members, who is a teacher, suggested that we just follow “new school” guidelines and declare everyone a winner. But really, if I just deemed all of you wonderful snarkers  valedictorians of class 9 and gave everyone a Golden FLOTUS, it just wouldn’t mean much would it? I guess I’m just old school. Did I mention that I have a new vacancy on my committee?

Anyhoo, I am here to do the hard work that Americans and illegal Mexicans aren’t willing to do. And just because it’s hard, and requires tough choices, I’m not going to blame George W. Bush (besides, I like W, and I miss him). So, without further adieu, and in alphabetical order, I present with pride, your July, 2010 Nominees for the coveted Golden FLOTUS:

When Snarks Attack-9 Nominees

July, 2010


Anonna: "Get Your Chakra On: For Free, Dog!"

“I thought the Inaugural gown had a pretty skirt, but the bodice looked like someone put MO in a plaster body cast and rolled her in shredded coconut before the plaster dried.”

Cherie: "Call 911! Call 911!

“I don't want to be within a mile of her when one of her outfits blows. It's gonna be like a suicide bomber detonating her vest.”

Cripes Suzette: "We’ve Got Our MOJO Working Now"

“ I like to amuse myself by running her remarks through an online tool that estimates number of years of education that a person needs to be able to understand them. This block of text clocks in at about 6.7.
Princeton and Harvard owe  SOMEONE a refund. “

forkarrie: "A Broadway Celebration of the O’s"

“I cannot believe the length of those pants! She cannot possibly walk in them without tripping. Was she transported in? “

Janice: "One Leak We Did Plug"

“Laura is a rare Prime Rib
MO is an overdone broiled liver (without even onions to soften the blow)”

Jules: "We Visit the Treasury with Our Own Bag"

“At least she did not show off her guns again (there, I found something good to say for the day!)...BTW, her wighat is definitely a better look than going au naturel.  Wow, two compliments in one comment, someone please stop me :) “

Kate: "The Waters Parted, the Cap was Seated, and Behold ..."

“I'm so traumatized by the ice cream eating scene ... Mrs Obama's legs are widely spread, she's hunched, she's face down into the dish, and that poor man is catatonically staring off into space.
That scene looks like mental institution patients' day-out at the mall.”

Lynn II: "Get Your Chakra On: For Free, Dog!"

“I felt that way a day or two ago. It's not easy being snarky when we're all wee wee'd up over the insanity of this current Imperial Pair.
Just keep saying.....I can see November from my house...”

MichelleIndependent: "A Honeymoon Begins, A Honeymoon Ends

“TMI!! TMI!!
Ix-Nay on the Va-jay-jay during Va-cay-cay!”

MJ: "The Waters Parted, the Cap was Seated, and Behold ..."

“White see-through pants and no camel toe.  Wait, is that a jockstrap I see?”

Radegunda: "The Apron’s Red Glare-Updated for Mileage

“Oh, come on, folks. You know she's an elegant, classy style icon. If you don't agree, you're a racist.”

Sine Qua Non: "Ball Park Wieners and Other Design Giants

“No FLOTUS has ever looked like an overserved transvestite at last call.
Seriously, drag queens can party into the wee hours with more elegance.”

srdem65: "Keel Hauled, Stem to Stern"

“If they weld her initials right next to the ID number and the tonnage she might not like that.
Does one say one is attending a 'keeling'?  sounds suspiciously like a Mexican vendetta to me. “

Congratulations to this month’s nominees and to the smaller people who missed by a hair. Polls will remain open until 12:59 PM EST, Monday August 16 or until some thugs from the New Black Panther Party show up at my server.

I know many of you just voted last week in your state’s primary for one or more of our “yes” men or women, so I hope you are not poll weary.

Obama Votes 2008 Voters of All Ages Voting Chicago Style

And remember, here, as always, Chicago rules apply: so vote early, vote often, and may the best, or most heavily financed snark win!

philadelphiaVoterIntimidation Chicago Rules in Philly

I Came For the Waters: I Was Misinformed

Well we’ve been here in Florida for over 2 hours now, so that’s about 1/3 of the time we’ve allotted for this nano-vacay. Haven’t hit the Gulf or the Golf yet, butt I expect we will soon. Wee Won-1 lucked out and is still at her sleep-away camp, so she’ll miss the photo-op marination in the Gulf.

We chose blue with big bows for our historic arrival (MO shall return), with our spring growth pulled into our signature topnot out back, an armload of plastic bracelets, paired up with our comfortable, Big Guy embiggening, chartreuse flats. Talk about fashion forward, who else would pair Royal Dutch blue with chartreuse? Really, I want to know.

100428-hot-air2First stop was a Coast Guard station, where Big Guy confirmed that he had plugged the damn hole, assured the whole world he was on the job:

“I made a commitment in my visits here that I was going to stand with you not just until the well was closed, and not just until the oil was cleaned up, but until you have fully recovered from the damage that's been done...”

You Big Guy-O-philes will note that he said he was going to “stand with” them, not “grab a mop and help clean up the mess.” And from what I’ve seen, there’s still some cleanup needed.

alg_florida_tar_balls Tar Balls – Not BoNuts

We let “Cheesy Chuckie” Crist share the stage with us for a moment, because he ditched his old R-word pals and promised to call Big Guy  “the Gulf’s savior.” But just like everything else that has been handed to him on a platter, Chuckie botched it and just said “God bless him.”

We all gasped a bit when BO deemed the Gulf waters “"clean, safe and open for business." I’m not sure if by that he means open for our business (oh Lord, please don’t let it mean that! ), or if that gives us a pass. I’m guessing it’s the later, because what could be better than having the Won deem the waters to be pure? Besides, plenty of opportunities for photo-ops elsewhere.

Motorcade is waiting, and we’ve only got another few minutes left in our dream vacation in the Gulf.

Bye for now.



Pressing question of the day: what kind of containment system did we use?

Holy Moses, It’s Rama-dama-ding-dong Time

So, I guess you’ve heard that we had a special iftar dinner tonight to end our Big White day of Rama-dama-ding-dong fasting. In honor of the start of the holiest of the 1000 or so holiest months in the mysterious mooselim calendar, we fasted from right after our 6:15 PM snack (we have issues with our our blood sugar) until our 7:30 PM iftar dinner.

I’ll admit, our snack today was a bit heartier than normal because chef showed us a preview of the iftar menu:

dates-medjool-300 Medjool dates. Not Bo-nuts.

  • dates
  • kitchen garden green salad
  • spiced Marcona almonds
  • Charlie’s honey vinaigrette
  • organic chicken
  • late summer peas
  • kataifi wafers
  • oranges and lemon sorbet




Whoa, there’s way too much yellow and brown food on this menu! I think Lady M is going to consider tonight’s meal more of a “cleansing” diet prior to the “touch-and-go” vacay on the Gulf Coast. Butt it should leave us in tip-top shape for consuming all that oil marinated seafood we’ll have to pretend we’re enjoying.

Fortunately, Comfy has been around the Big White kitchen long enough to know that this is going to be a “lobster and beluga canapé, Kobe slider, French fries and Cheetos midnight snack night.” MO’s refrigerated footlocker is already stocked with Dom.

Big Guy’s usually on autopilot for these little dinners we have to throw, but tonight he seemed genuinely excited and engaged. Maybe he likes dates. He made a special point earlier in the day to set the right tone for tonight when he told everyone, completely off the cuff - without even so much as an assist from TOTUS – about the meaning of Ramadan:

“These rituals remind us of the principles that we hold in common, and Islam's role in advancing justice, progress, tolerance, and the dignity of all human beings.

Ramadan is a celebration of a faith known for great diversity and racial equality.  And here in the United States, Ramadan is a reminder that Islam has always been part of America and that American Muslims have made extraordinary contributions to our country.

Even after a third tier scan of my hard drive, I could not find a single mooselim who came over on the Nina, the Pinta or the Santa Maria. Butt I found oodles of examples of his other points:

Muslim Advancements in Justice, Tolerance and Human Dignity

6a00d8341c60bf53ef01348509423e970c-500wiH/T  iOwntheworld

“Advancements in progress” was a little more difficult, butt I found this:

muslim invents wheel copy_thumb[4]Advanced Muslim All Wheel-Drive Hybrid SUV

And this one, that Hub sent me just a couple days ago: now that is a magic carpet ride.

hub shot of new NASA Prophet-1-WMkd copy

 New NASA/Muslim Space Shuttle “Prophet”

After several more passes, I still couldn’t find any examples of mooseslims’ “extraordinary contributions to our country.” So I finally just tried Googling it and I got this back, sub-titled “urban renewal.” Butt I’m pretty sure it wasn’t what Big Guy was talking about.

State_Department_Images_WTC_9-11_The_Twin_Towers_(Right)Muslim Contribution: Clearing Site for New Mosque in NYC

On the other hand, he did tell our guests at the iftar dinner tonight:

"But let me be clear: as a citizen, and as president, I believe that Muslims have the same right to practice their religion as anyone else in this country. That includes the right to build a place of worship and a community center on private property in lower Manhattan... This is America, and our commitment to religious freedom must be unshakable..."

I don’t know: It doesn’t look like religion to me. And I don’t see any other religions practicing this way. And if that’s how they practice, I’d hate to see the real thing.

Friday, August 13, 2010

The Summer of Our Recovery

We would have left tonight for our fun-filled weekend on the Golf Coast, but first we have to ram a Ramadan meal into tonight’s Big White schedule. It’s in celebration of all of Islam’s contributions to America (in addition to that urban renewal project in lower Manhattan).  So we can’t leave till morning.

Here’s the rundown. Saturday morning: departure on Air Force Won for Tyndall Air Force Base in order to summarily execute Lady M’s commitment to the little people of Panama City to return and promote tourism in their pathetic-excuse-for-a-vacation  coastal town.

. barefoot on the beach

Then we meet for a roundtable with area small business owners and elected officials to discuss the recovery from the BP oil spill, in order to demonstrate both Big Guy’s and Lady M’s sincere and heartfelt concern for their white-plight. Butt seriously, what else is there to discuss? Big Guy already plugged the damn hole.

obama ice cream3

Then we’ll have some lunch, ice cream, photo-ops, dinner and nightcaps. Then, after brunch on Sunday, all aboard Air Force Won for our return to D.C. for a very busy week of packing for our real vacation coming up on the Vineyards.

Meanwhile, the economic news hasn’t been exactly great this month.The unexpectedly high loss of jobs in the private sector (131 thousand!) led to a cautionary warning to expect higher job losses in the coming months. That can only mean that someone on the team has stopped listening to our Pollyanna sycophants and instead has been talking to someone who knows what’s going on. That’s unlikely to last.

obama_recovery Hardhats now being issued for the road to recovery

Pending home sales also unexpectedly fell in June. We don’t know why our Pollyanna’s were surprised by that one, since we stopped making you pay the down payment for people who still can’t afford to buy homes (aka,”first time home buyer tax credit,” )  at the end of May.

Bankruptcy filings were also up 9%  and are now on pace to set a historic record topping 1.6 million by yearend. Meanwhile consumer spending is down, as is personal income. Hmmmm. Let’s see if we can connect the dots. Personal income, down; personal bankruptcies up: stalled consumer spending? I’m not sure that makes sense: shouldn’t they have gone out and run up their credit cards before filing for bankruptcy? That’s what we were expecting.

And then, factory orders dropped 1.2%, while GDP growth dropped 65%.

SuperStock_1555R-304652Chocolate/Vanilla double dip. Ummm, ummm, ummm! 

Oh, oh! All this has fomented talk of a double-dip recession and long-term deflation. This is not good news. Not for Wall Street, Main Street or K-Street. And according to our polling, our “Just Blame Bush” defense is running out of steam too. But not to fear. Big Guy has found someone new to blame: Europe. From the WaPo:

When Obama spoke Wednesday in the East Room about American manufacturing, he placed the inflection point at "last spring," when he said "events in Europe roiled the markets and created headwinds for our economic recovery."

hee,hee  Big Guy reacts to the breaking of an ill-wind 

Well, I think I’ve located the locus of that ill-wind in the person of one Nile Gardiner from the U.K. Telegraph. You may remember him, he’s the one who previously wrote that the O’s presidency resembles a modern-day Ancien Régime? Well, today he’s come up with a list of why Big Guy’s popularity ratings keep falling, or as the Brits might say “not so much falling, as plummeting.” See for yourself, from know-it-all Nile’s column:

The top 10 reasons for Big Guy’s epic plunge (Per Niles, the ill-wind from Europe):

10. The Obama presidency is out of touch with the American people

9.Most Americans don’t have confidence in the president’s leadership 

8.Obama fails to inspire 

7.The United States is drowning in debt 

6.Obama’s Big Government message is falling flat 

5. Obama’s support for socialised health care is a huge political mistake

4. Obama’s handling of the Gulf oil spill has been weak-kneed and indecisive

3. US foreign policy is an embarrassing mess under the Obama administration

2. President Obama is muddled and confused on national security

1. Obama doesn’t believe in American greatness

‘Nuf said, Niles. Now take your ill-wind and go away.

Here’s the problem: when Big Guy said this was going to be the Recovery Summer, you all probably thought he meant “economic recovery.” Butt what he really meant was “Michelle and I are going to spend the summer recovering from all the heavy lifting and sacrificing that we’ve done in our first historic 15 months in office.”

Martha’s Vineyard: get ready, because here we come!

martha-dune460_1461725c Road to recovery on Martha’s Vineyard

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Performance Reviews: Clowns to the Left of Me

It looks like the constantly chattering heads have finally put our well-deserved Spanish vacay behind them. I credit Ms.NBC’s Ed Shultz for zippin’ the lips of these nattering nabobs of negativity. My reliable source, Thomas Charles Stewart III, Tweeted me this Newsbusters report on “Sgt Shultzie’s” outrage:

“... absolutely disgusting ... I've never, ever seen a story like this where the first lady is criticized... but she's not on the golf course 119 times the way John Boehner is...”

Huh? He’s never seen first ladies criticized?  Or used as the butt of inappropriate jokes? And who is it that plays a lot of golf? Sheeze Shultzie - a guy in your line of business should spent a little more time keeping up with the blogs.

CHANGE OF TOPIC: Finally a bit of good news around here:

First Lady Michelle Obama, despite her controversial jaunt to Spain last week, remains one of the country’s most-popular political figures. Half of Americans feel positively about her, while 19% feel negatively. . . She is more well-liked than her husband (by a four-point margin), the tea party movement (by a 20-point margin), the GOP (by 26 points), and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (by 29 points).

1_27_10 Lady M: more loved than Fancy Nancy and Tea Parties

And now I think you can add Gibbsy to the list of people she’s more popular than. Whew! The “Hard” Left is all over him for his “inartful” (which is to say “honest”) comments about them being unreasonable, unrealistic and bothersome. And don’t worry, despite Alan Grayson’s “inartful” comment that Gibbsy “is in so far over his head he’d have to reach up to touch his shoes” Bobby’s not going anywhere. Nor is anyone else around here, no matter how far they have to stretch to touch their toes. So let’s just put all that to rest.

RobertGibbsGibbsy:  permanent assistant to the light-bringer

But even with all the good news, I’ve just got to ask:WTH is this?! In the HuffPo, of all places!!!

First we have someone talking out of school:

The Obama team determined that if her image were not changed she would become a dangerous liability to the then presidential candidate. The campaign needed to quash the spreading frame of Michelle as an "angry black woman" and do it fast.

Next we get an expose on Lady M’s transformative process:

Michelle Obama underwent a painstaking transformation to recreate her image. She not only successfully shed the "angry black woman" descriptor, but she became the modern day Jackie O. Michelle O. actually seemed to surpass the qualities of Jackie O. Not only was she feminine and smart, but she also had a firm grasp on the realities and hardships of everyday Americans because she herself had experienced them. The success of her recrafting was such that even her gaffe about "For the first time in my adult lifetime, I'm really proud of my country ... " was forgotten in the happy, feel-good, Gap-chic image that was established.

 having a really bad day Lady M, modern day Jackie O, no longer angry

Regarding that last part, about her being “proud of my country” for the first time: I can reliably report that there are still a few MOL’s out there who have definitely not forgotten about it (and you know who you are).

And then, whoever this crank reporter is,  goes on to criticize our MO:

…The Spanish vacation together with the current Martha's Vineyard outing provide too much fodder for the stereotypes of Democrats as latte-drinking out of touch elites…

Where ever would that image come from?




and she continues…

All extremes are bad, but in the current economic and political climate it seems that the tough as nails image rather than the champagne and caviar image would better serve the First Lady and her extended partisan family. The First Lady of the United States flubbed and will either drop off as a role model or have to undergo a transformation yet again to return her to the Michelle O. the United States and the world fell in love with.

Well, I can tell you there will be no “dropping off as a role model” tolerated. We pretty much own the copyright on that. So I guess we’re just going to have to live through another transformative stage. It’s a good thing Lady M remembered to plant her butterfly garden this year. butterfly3 bomo halloween7

Apparently we’re going to be needing that metamorphosis effect again. 

                                                                                                                             halloweeen fairies

I don’t know for certain who poisoned the well with this leak, but I have strong suspicions as to who’s behind this latest hatchet job on Lady M. That’s right. Desi. She’s back in “circulation” if you catch my drift. And we all know how she is with those loose lips of hers.

desi2 Desi, at home amidst the stars

And one final item, on the governing front, Big Guy signed another ginormous stimulus-lite bill yesterday, which will, in part, pay to keep at least 160 thousand teachers employed! And here’s why it was necessary, from Big Guy himself:

“In a single generation, we’ve fallen from first place to twelfth place in college graduation rates for young adults. ”

Maybe that’s because they can’t read. Or write. Or add, subtract, multiply or divide. But I’m sure the 160 thousand teachers’ jobs that we’ve created or saved are not the ones responsible for that.

H/T Thomas Charles Stewart III and BillH

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Let Them Eat King Cake

Larwyn has really let the genie out of the bottle on this one.

Although in all fairness, it was Reliapundit who started this whole disturbing story line back on February 16 by wishing Big Guy a “Happy Birthday.” People thought he was nuts at the time, even though he explained in clear English that February 16 was the Islamic calendar day of Big Guy’s alleged Georgian calendar birthday of August 4. This all came up again last week when a lot of people got upset at a shop keeper in Texas who  posted a sign stating "We will be closed on Friday, September 11, 2009 to commemorate the martyrdom of Imam Ali."


Well, that, as it turns out it, was all a big internet misunderstanding. Ali is some sort of ancient Islam hero (a boxer, I think) and the 9/11 date is just a coincidence because – stay with me on this – in the Islamic calendar, all the days move around every year! Isn’t that cool!!!  It’s all based on the sun, moon and stars. With science like that it’s no wonder the Muslim rocket scientists invented flying carpets way before Wilbur and Orville got us off the ground.

nasa scientists Muslim scientist in weapons lab, praying for cold fusion

So, for all of you out there who were feeling bad for Big Guy having to celebrate his birthday all alone last week with Oprah, Gayle and a few other close friends while Lady M and the Wee Wons were away, worry no more.

how galant

As Reliapundit accurately reported way last February, Big Guy and Lady M have already celebrated his 49th birthday on February 16. August 4 was just the anniversary of his alleged birth date. We would have mentioned it at the time but we didn’t want to insensitively distract attention from the Christian feast of Fat Tuesday which, coincidentally, fell on the exact same date this year!

Because it was Mardi Gras, we celebrated with a King Cake in the only flavor Lady M would authorize: organic-garden-carrot. (loaded with delicious cream cheese frosting) And for the record, we actually celebrated the awesome event all week long, as is the Islamic tradition, and Lady M got a present in honor of Big Guy’s Islamic birthday, as is Lady M’s tradition. On Valentine’s Day  Big Guy gave Lady M this “ moon and stars and the sun” pendant, that she mentioned to Larry King when she was on his show last February:


So I hope you’re not all mad at me for not telling you about the big B-Day celebration at the time, but  no one was allowed to discuss it then. Although someone apparently broke ranks and sent CNN the memo, as they celebrated on air the next day with their own birthday cake!

We think we’ll continue to celebrate our alleged birthday during Mardi Gras every year, because the party goers seem to have such a good time making floats to honor Big Guy’s Islamic calendar day of birth.

o der eloser

O delosermask

H/T Larwyn via Doug Ross

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Belly Bandit Strikes Again

Ok, here’s the deal: I’ll share this incredibly exciting news with you if you agree to the following stipulations:

preggers not Au currant trend: maternity-look top combined with mini-me sweater-shirt. It’s ironic.

1) no smarty-pants “preggers” comments, and 2) don’t ask me to divulge any national secrets.

Good. Now that we’ve got the ground rules laid out, I’m going to let you in on a little research project we’ve been conducting with a new miracle product called the Belly Bandit®. The study is not complete, but the early results are very promising.

This is what the manufacturer tells me about the Belly Bandit®:

The Belly Bandit® is an abdominal compression binder designed to help you get your body back to its former fabulousness post childbirth.

Technically Lady M qualifies, since she last gave birth 9 years ago this summer. But my theory, and it’s holding up so far, is that if it works on post-partum belly, it will likewise work on post-burger/vacay/ “dessert is not a right” belly. Don’t misunderstand, this in no way will be a “replacement” to our Spanx containment systems. Think of it as a non-surgical “esthetic enhancer.”

Butt wait! There’s more! The Belly Bandit® is a full-line containment system, packed with options. The “Original” comes in 3 politically correct colors:

3 colors “Undocumented brown,” “Racist white” and “Amerikan nude”

Other containment structures in the system include:

kk_frontThe KK BB model comes in post-partisan, post-racial racy black lace.

  • The Bosom Bandit™ makes it time  “ throw away those painfully tight sports bras...The Bosom Bandit™ is made from latex free elastic and covered with an ultra soft, moisture wicking fabric...”

bosom bandit Maybe we’ll try it with 2 sets of the Gel Cutlets

Butt the highlight of the product line is, well, just made to order for us; the Mother Tucker™! Here’s what Belly Bandit® says:


mother trucker 

I’m telling you, this is the one I’ve been waiting for! The answer to a mirror’s dreams. Read on, more from the Belly Bandit® site:

Mother Tucker™ is the ultimate compression tank! You'll be WOWed with how it smoothes and shapes your middle! Mother Tucker™ uses a soft tubular knit, designed with three zones of varying compression.
The center section - with the most compression - flattens your tummy, promoting a slimmer silhouette. The 3" anti-roll bottom applies muffinology™ technology to help smooth your "muffin top", while the upper section provides the perfect amount of support; helping to eliminate that squeezed feeling.

OMG, “muffinology™ technology!!” And it can be custom ordered in a size we can believe in: Ginormous!

61259235 61259235

Early field test: Spanx alone on the left, Spanx containment system combined with Mother-Tuckit on the right. I suspect the hot Princess Letizia uses the complete line of Belly-Bandit products. Although I should note that her results are not typical. Your results may vary.

Butt wait, there’s still more!

“ There's no reason why you can't be comfy and stylish when you're not fitting into your skinny jeans...these leggings let you breathe a little easier literally and figuratively!”


I’m so excited I’m hyperventilating just knowing they’re “coming soon!”  They’re expected in November.

And as I’m sure we all know, November can’t come soon enough.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Home From Our An-Delusion Holiday

It’s good to be back at the Big White. We arrived home from our An-delusion holiday in time for Big Guy’s backyard BBQ birthday party for his NBA fans.

alg_obama-reunionLook! We’re all dressed in our dress whites. Perfect for a Gulf-Shrimp BBQ.

Which was nice because we were starving after flying home from lunch with the King. Apparently birth-royals idea of a “royal spread” are quite different from those of elected-royals. The menu: Andalusian-style chilled gazpacho soup, chargrilled turbot, veal escalopes with mustard, Oriental rice with sauteed mushrooms, a vegetable ratatouille and sliced fruit with a teaspoon of ice cream. Queen Sofia must have been under the delusion that Lady M really believes all that ‘fat-child’s behind’ crap that she talks about.

And Wow! We can’t believe all the blow-back we got over our little mother-daugher An-Delusion trip. Even MoDo felt compelled to weigh in:

 “In politics and pop culture, optics are all. And Michelle’s optics sent a message that likely made some in the White House and the Democratic Party wince.”

Butt if you read the whole column you’ll see that her real point was to generate sympathy for Big Guy: she pointed out that he has a really hard job, which of course is all George W. Bush’s doing. I’m sure Lady M will understand that being trashed by MoDo was just collateral damage. Small price to pay for placing all of our current problems firmly on GWB’s back.

But now that we’re back in D.C. we can put all that partisan carping behind us and settle back into the fawning adulation we’ve come to deserve. Our good pal Lynn Sweet at the Chicago Sun Times has started the ball rolling back in our direction by setting the record straight about our Spain vacay. There were not 40 friends all paying for their own expenses, there were only 4. So that’s much better.

And to the rest of the previously supportive press out there: just butt out. Lady M has a very busy week. We have 2 more trips to pack for.

butt out Does this Princess make my butt look big?

Sunday, August 8, 2010

A Royal Flush

What a disappointment. I was so looking forward to the party with Zorro and the desperate Eva Longoria.

Unfortunately – and despite the fact they  begged Lady M to attend – we opted for a quiet dinner with friends far from the madding crowd. Go figure. Usually Lady M loves these affairs. I think it had something to do with a dispatch from our pollsters back in Washington indicating that the whole royalty/opulence thing was beginning to wear a bit thin with the little people. Besides, our feet were killing us after walking all over that damn Moorish King’s palace. The last thing we needed was another endless receiving line of gushing celebrities and wannabees.

b4and afterWhat the heck, as long as we’re letting it all hang out, lets wear our sneakers too. H/T Jules

So we just had a low key dinner of caviar, foie gras, lobster medallions and ice cream. And that was just the tapas selection.

Anyway, missing the Starlite Special wasn’t that big of a deal. Today we dined with real royalty: King Juan Carlos, Queen Sofia and Princess Letizia.

royals The Royals. With King Carlos and Queen Sofia

Her wee-ones joined Sasha at the children’s table:

princess letizia prince Felipe leonor and Sofia Easter massPrincess Letizia with her wee ones, Sofia and Leonor at Easter Mass

That’s a pretty good looking family. Unlike the Brit’s Royals. It supports the wisdom of marrying outside the family, say, every 2nd or 3rd generation. And I hope this doesn’t sound racist, but I can’t help but notice that they’re not all peoples-of-color like our Mexicans.  We’re probably not going to enjoy Majorca very much.

the royal butt The Royal butt, looking pretty good! Marked with a bow so as not to be missed.

Per Lady M’s instructions, I packed up all the gifts she brought for presentation to the Royal family:

  • A brick from Park 51, the only non-historic building on the entire block of Park Place, the site of the  future Cordoba House and Mosque in New York. It’s  named in honor of the original Cordoba Mosque, Spain’s most famous landmark commemorating the Muslims conquest of the Iberian peninsula in honor of the religion of peace.
  • A dozen jars of Ricky Bayless’ famous La Frontera Grill sauces, including the special Mole sauce we served at the Big White’s Mexican State dinner
  • An 8x10 glossy of Lady M’s first Vogue cover
  • And of course, our standard iPod collection of Big Guy’s speeches, plus the now in high demand Lady M collection of “No Child’s Fat Behind” speeches.
  • Oh yes, and Sasha’s giving them a soccer ball that she scored the winning goal with.

Pretty impressive goody bag! I hope we’re not going overboard, but we don’t want to be accused of being ungracious and chintzy again. But we might have been a bit hasty with that brick from Park 51.

feeling the love Are you feeling the love?