Saturday, September 5, 2009

The Ultimate Helmet Hair

Some of Lady M’s personal stylists are coming up to the Camp today to discuss a few details regarding the new fall wardrobe. As you know, MO really likes that Belgian designer, Martin Margiela. Someone let it leak out that we had ordered one of his white tuxedos, only ours is coming with pants - Instead of the hood. Although that would be one way to end all of the constant yammering about the hairdo.

runway model white tux                                                    runway model white tux

Since MO seemed to like this look so much, head stylist Ikram Goldman came up with a few other suggestions that would not only keep Lady M fashion forward, but also help protect her from the swine flu. This unisex design is from Romain Kremer (a French designer, although he sounds more Germanic to me). As you can see, it’s sort of a swine flu condom. swine flu design

After much deliberation both Lady M and her stylists nixed this look for a couple of reasons: 1) they thought it might make her look too threatening to the right-wing racists and 2) it looks a little too much like a reverse hijab for the rest of America.

But that doesn’t mean we have to go out unprotected, there are still all these avant-garde options to chose from.


a special welcome to all my Belgium friends who found my website. If you keep coming, I promise to do a post on chocolates and lace. And we’re going to need a lot of chocolates around here if Big Guy’s Healthcare Plan goes down.


Friday, September 4, 2009

Doing The Work Of The American People

It’s no Martha’s Vineyard, but here we are at Camp David for the Labor Day Weekend.


And labor we will. The joint chiefs think we’re going to be plowing through the new military strategy for Afghanistan, but truthfully, we’ve got bigger fish to fry.

We need to work on two big speeches. First, the back-to-school speech that Big Guy’s giving to every school kid in America on September 8. As it turns out, we’re going to need our little army of brown shirts sooner than we thought.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that the teachers haven’t done a good job for the last 25 years in their indoctrination efforts. Lord, no. They pretty much have the current generation in lock-step on everything from global warming, to Bobby-has-two mommies, to not eating trans-fatty acids.

But when it comes to the final, full bore into our Marxist utopia, we need to bring in the really big gun: OBAMA-MAN.

super obama

So, Big Guy is going to tell the little children why it’s their patriotic duty to be a part of something bigger than themselves, and nag their parents until they, too, believe that the public option is the only moral way to address health care. Because after all, who knows better than the innocent little pawns children?

Then we have to work on the speech to the joint session of Congress on September 9 about health care reform. He’s going to take the reins on this run-away pony back from Pelosi and Reid, both of whom only seem to know how to ride side-saddle.

This issue is a little trickier. We have to explain how our health care reform is going to be everything that anybody wants, and nothing that anyone doesn’t. But don’t worry – that’s what Big Guy’s best at. And Lady M can help here too: she was a Community Outreach Coordinator for the University of Chicago Hospital. And believe me, she has finessed more than a few troubling health issues.

So, a lot of work cut out for us this weekend. That doesn’t mean there’s not going to be time for plenty of s’mores and lots of caviar and champagne. We must keep our strength up for all of the challenges ahead.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Why Time Doesn’t Matter

Well, we made it again! Yep, Time magazine. Big time. A whole article about Lady M’s hair. It’s called “Why Michelle’s Hair Matters.”

The timing couldn’t be better: we don’t want to talk about the weight MO gained on vacation, and Big Guy just wants to talk about anything other than health care death squads.

It’s a great article with visuals: we especially loved the Andy Warhol effect, and might just use it for our Christmas Card - whoops, I mean Holiday card - this year. Let me know what you think. I could probably touch them up a bit with my special facial slimming refractors.

andy warhol michelle

I’m glad they didn’t just do this as a puff piece, which it easily could have been. Instead we got some insightful analysis on just what we have to deal with, being a black woman in America.

For black women, hair has classification power (witness the connection Don Imus made between hair and sexual promiscuity when he referred to the Rutgers women's basketball team as "nappy-headed hos").

…not to mention the power to get you fired from your big-time radio gig. And then there’s this:

The notion of natural black hair as being subversive or threatening is not new. When the New Yorker set out last summer to satirize Michelle as a militant, country-hating black radical, it was no coincidence that the illustrator portrayed her with an Afro. The cartoon was calling attention to all the ridiculous pre-election fearmongering.

…which is pretty cutting edge journalism, but even I didn’t realize that it was satire.

hat tip to the Grand Rapids contingent

Linked By: theora55 on ask.metafilter, Thanks!

Shoes For America

Ok, ok. For those of you dying to know who designed the shoes that Lady M was wearing the day the royal family returned from the Vineyards, I’ve got the scoop.

maison martin margiela

They are MAISON MARTIN MARGIELA. These very special designer shoes are asymmetric, toe loop sandals. Margiela is a Belgian designer, known for his minimalist, avant garde designs. His name is relatively low profile, but widely celebrated within the inner circles of the fashion industry – which is to say expensive. They are only available to a select group of clients.

But as you can see, we got them on sale for a rather reasonable $504 – that’s 30% off! And we didn’t even have to ask.

That’s what we expect to happen with the health care plan too: Asymmetric price reductions without having to ask, but still expensive, a little loopy, minimalist, low profile, and generally available to only a select group.


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Muslims In America

Lady M rolled out her finest silks for this evening’s dinner in celebration of the end of the Muslim most holy month of Ramadan, and the Big Guy rolled out his middle name.

It was a fine soiree. Lot’s of cabinet and Congressional guests along with a raft of dignitaries from the Middle East – all of whom seem to have bought a few too many extra vowels:

Ambassador Prince Zeid Ra'ad Zeid Al Hussein, Jordan
Ambassador Samir Shakir Mahmood Sumaida'ie, Iraq
Chargé d'Affaires Angela Oi Foong Shim, Brunei

I think you get my drift.

Anyway, the iftar ( Which is the dinner breaking the month long fast – boy, could Mo have used that. Unfortunately we had to go on vacation where there was a lot of whining and dining around.) was a huge success, except that Joey B kept getting it mixed up with Ravi Shankar’s sitar. We explained that’s a whole other religion of peace, and not one we’re really all that interested in. Still, even with the mix-up, Joey was the life of party.

BO also said a few words – without his teleprompter! – he was feeling really comfortable. After spending months trying to fix up our relations with Muslims across the world, because George W. Bush really messed them up, the Big Guy told the gathered crowd:

“The contribution of Muslims to the United States are too long to catalog because Muslims are so interwoven into the fabric of our communities and our country,"

It’s probably just me, but I think it was a really important statement to make, because I don’t know that much about the contributions that Muslims have made to the United States. Except for that big urban renewal project in New York.

urban renewal

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

But They Still Love Us at MSNBC

This has been a pretty boring day at the White House. We can’t even go out for ice cream because MO packed on a big 1-0 while we were schlepping around the Vineyard. I guess we should have done a little more biking and lighthouse climbing, and a little less “fried-everything” at Nancy’s.

bIKER NO HELMUT fried nancy's

Add to that the fact that Andre Leon Talley, a brother over at Vogue, seemed to be dissing Lady M a bit in the latest edition, and I’m guessing no treats for a week:

The Vogue offices are full of what I call very annnnnnnngular women wearing stilettos, and maybe that’s just the consciousness—that people think that they need this look when they work at Vogue. But Grace Coddington does not fit that mold and she’s elegant. Look at Michelle Obama, she’s the most fashionable woman in America. But she’s not a fashion plate.

At best it was a left-handed compliment. But then, what other kind would we expect from a man who freely admits this…?

Do you watch television at home?
I only watch MSNBC for the news. Keith, Rachel and Chris. And reruns of The Golden Girls. It’s my favorite show.


Sunday, August 30, 2009

Post Vacation Wrap

We missed a round of golf and dinner with some really, really rich people on Friday, but duty called, and we had to jet off for Uncle Ted’s wake. It’s ok though, we scored more points with the speech than a golf match and dinner ever could have

For those of you who doubted me about Big Guy’s “deeply personal speech”, there’s this from the Chicago Tribune:

While the temptation might have been to focus largely on Kennedy's public face, the president had something else in mind while he worked on the speech. He wanted it to be a personal message, an aide said, focusing on Kennedy's impact as "a friend, legislator, mentor, colleague and family member."
For help, the president turned to his usual speech team, including his lead writer, Jon Favreau. The president also relied heavily on Cody Keenan, a former speechwriter for Kennedy

Because it’s hard to focus on your friend, mentor and colleague without the help of professionals who knew the Senator for years, even though you did know him for months.

Anyway, it’s back to DC for a few days before we can go on vacation again. Nothing scheduled between now and then except a big date night (undisclosed location – learned that from Cheney.)

It looks like the vacation was a complete hit with the press, except for that bike-ride-without-the helmet deal. Man, do these nanny-state wackos get cranked over nothing.

orange top

Oh, sorry. We completely apologize for the Big Guy not wearing a helmet. He would have, because he totally believes in them, except it seems his head has grown a few centimeters, and we couldn’t find one big enough to fit.

That’s our story, and we’re sticking with it.

Post-Racial Dressing

Everything went perfectly at the "big dig" for the Liberal Lyin’. Big Guy gave his speech and made everybody cry – which they were supposed to do this time. Lady M wowed the crowd in her Moschino black bow-tie blouse, with a black skirt and black heels.

bow and bustleSort of a bustle and bow look we were going for here. I know it doesn’t show up very well, being black on black –and don’t be a smart ass, I mean black bow on a black blouse - so here’s what it looks like in white.

white bowIt’s better in black. As you can see there was nothing I could do to make the white one look like anything other than a bib at Red Lobster.

I don’t know why Lady M buys so many of the same things in different colors. Some staffers suggested it has something to do with all the racism she had to endure growing up – you know, before she was proud of being an American? But the real insiders money is on obsessive compulsive disorder.

And just for the record, as I predicted in the “What Would Jackie kennedy_funeral Wear” post, this was a recycle of the outfit we wore for our audience with the pope. We just ditched the coat and veil, which was definitely a smart move. Oh yeah, and we got a new skirt that fit better.

The MSM loved the look, of course. Most of them don’t know what old money looks like anyway.

If it were up to me, I would have stuck with the pearls, but MO likes to wear things with confidence.