Saturday, December 18, 2010

Historic Holiday Impressions

Yesterday was another historic day in our first-second historic year of our first historic presidency.

First, here’s Big Guy meeting with his Republican hostage takers.

yeah  Big Guy meets with his hostage takers, where he was forced to sign a bill extending the Bush tax cuts

stop pouting - you look worse than mitch In a light hearted moment at the signing, Big Guy does his famous Mitch McConnell impression

Earlier in the day, BO met with little school children to read them a chapter out of “My Pet Goat.”

my little goat“You kids look as bored as I am”

No word yet on whether TOTUS was on-site. Butt fortunately, NKorea did not decide to attack during the festive and historic classroom event.

Lady M spent the day filled with equally historic events. Here she is disguised as a Winter Holiday present just before presenting the 2010 National Medal for Museum and Library Service.

proportions We dressed up as a festive librarian for the presentation

Later, in what was our last scheduled public appearance of the year, due to our Hawaiian Dream vacation, MO appeared at a Toy’s for Tots event doing her best Santa impression.

mo and giant santa “I want you to get rid of those Happy Meal toys, and replace them with baggies of baby carrots. Got it?”

Well, we’re going to go finish packin’ now because Lady M doesn’t believe that Harry has the holly berries to keep us here past this weekend. We’ve got our own Dream act to START, and I don’t think Harry really wants to find himself on the wrong side of our history. Mahalo nui loa (Thank you very much).

Friday, December 17, 2010

Rocks Around the Christmas Tree: What a Happy Holiday

Finally. A little Winter Holiday spirit around here. Until last night - despite dozens of Holiday trees sprinkled throughout the Big White - nobody here has been either merry or bright. This morning they’re at least merry.

Overnight, our Congress passed the brilliant “Bush Tax Cuts” bill that Big Guy personally brokered with the R-words. He was especially proud, because this is the only piece of legislation that he ever, personally, had anything to do with. Don’t get me wrong, BO prefers governing by fiat, but he has found that governing via legislation can be a lot of fun too, and people praise you for doing it. Besides, he thinks that he can rescind the “tax cuts” for the rich by fiat after the first of the year.

toocute Look at me. I’m too cute by half.

I don’t know how he’s going to feel about old Harry pulling the Holiday pork entre off the table though. Especially since it looks like the Republicans tricked him. He probably thinks that Harry just doesn’t have what it takes any more. Now that Big Guy is an experienced legislative negotiator, he would know.

As far as Lady M goes, she still has herself twisted into a knot about not leaving on vacay this Saturday as planned.

It’s OK though. In the past, this has just meant much better Winter Holiday trinkets under the tree. I know, I know: Lady M told the kids at the Children's National Medical Center that she already got her gift when Big Guy signed her “No Fat Kids’ Behinds” bill.

the eyeshaveit I’m watching your back. For now.

Butt that was before he told her they were going to have to postpone their Hawaiian holiday. It’s hard to top a $4.5 billion Winter Holiday present, but we’re going to try.

The%20Lesotho%20Promise%20Diamond%20cut%20from%20one%20stone%20of%20603%20carats_%2026%20D%20color%20stones%20in%20one%20necklace%20from%20one%20jewel Perhaps a little something to showcase those famous toned arms

Next year Lady M is going to have one of our Holiday Trees designated as the Muslim Christmas tree, and have it decorated just like the one in Abu Dhabi, with gold and precious gemstones. We might even throw in some frankincense and myrrh.

OB-LJ054_xmastr_EV_20101215120545 Shepherds visit the Abu Dhabi Christmas tree

You can see the value of multi-culturalism in holiday celebrations:

2_Emirates_Christmas_Tree_sff Here is how a proper secular “Christmas” tree should be decorated: Cartier, Harry Wilson, Tiffany and Bvlgari.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Capitalists “R” Us

It’s come to this:

funnyfoot forward Trying to put our left foot behind us

The socialist president plays host to capitalism

Yep. That’s Dana Milbank’s op-ed headline. Big Guy met with the enemy. Titans of industry assembled at Blair House to hear from the former professor of constitutional law who, as of late, has taken over the economics department, and now will be lecturing in the business school as well.

"I believe that the primary engine of America's economic success is not government," the president went on. "It's the dynamism of our markets. And for me, the most important question about an economic idea is... whether it will help spur businesses, jobs and growth."

Or as Dana  put it: “READ: I am a capitalist!”

And apparently the meeting went well, as reported by Boeing’s CEO James NcNerney afterwards, “We all wanted to move beyond the tone that created this confrontational environment. We all made our apologies and all said we're moving on.”

Boeing is hoping to land huge contracts with the federal government after previous rejections, so you bet he wants to move on.

Big Guy began the meeting with an olive branch. “Those of you around the table represent why America is unique, what is best about our entrepreneurial spirit, and I want to dispel any notion that we want to inhibit your success,”

Wow! One meeting with Bubba, and already we’ve learned how to parse our words! This one is such a classic it may go down in parsing history along with GM’s stated strategy back in the early ‘90’s to “market the image of quality”. Heh, heh. Brilliant.

turning his bck on us Putting our socialist politics behind us.

If only it were that easy



nancy shoveling it harry shovel

Nancy and Harry: Shoveling it at the American people since 1986

So, we’ve started building our war chest for 2012 by inviting our hand selected 20 “titans of capitalism” to share our newfound love of free markets and capitalism.  The only sour note – and one that Big Guy felt compelled to address – was “a disconnect between what he and business leaders talked about face-to-face, and what business lobbyists said about the White House — and Mr. Obama himself — when they were on Capitol Hill.”

I wish he hadn’t brought this up. In addition to adding fuel to the criticism that Big Guy is thin skinned, it makes it appear as if he doesn’t even know how politics work.

And that’s just crazy. Just because he’s in a bubble doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have a firm grasp on reality.


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Earmarks? We All Know How Sensitive Big Guy is About His Ears.

Not exactly happy town around here today.

Lady M just heard about Gibbsy telling the press that Big Guy will stay in town until Congress recesses – right through New Year’s Eve “if that’s what it takes.”

Well that’s a good one. Congress stay in town through New Year’s Eve? As if!

Never-the-less, MO’s still really ticked off that we are probably not going to get to leave for our Hawaiian vacay on Saturday as planned. To be clear, “sacrificing for the American people” does not, repeat, NOT include postponing personal vacation time.

hungry eyesDon’t even think about postponing my vacay, little man

And secondly, Gibbsy may have gotten clearance for that comment from Big Guy, but he sure as heck didn’t run it by Lady M. Need I mention this was a big mistake?

For both of them?



“I’m sorry Michelle, and I promise it will never happen again.”





Harry Reid is threatening to keep the senators working through the holidays if they don’t pass all of Big Guy’s wet dream bills before they leave for Winter Holiday. But Lady M has also threatened them if they dare postpone her Hawaiian dream. And frankly, everybody on the Hill knows that Lady M is way scarier than Harry.

icanflyBring it! 

Meanwhile, the House and Senate are busy loading up the Appropriations and “Bush Tax ‘Cuts’” bills with fresh pork hocks in order to “spread the wealth around.” Did I miss something? Aren’t those the exact two things that voters rejected in November?

Perhaps our elected officials really are tone deaf - which is ironic since this legal bribery scheme is known as “earmarks.” From “Mormon Beetles in Utah” last year to “Potato Bugs in Idaho” this year: we can’t seem to cram enough money into the coffers of those who cram money into ours. (Dewey reported on Big Guy’s opposition to eliminating earmarks last year when he pitched an earmark for soon-to-be-former Senator Bob Bennett (R-UT).)

Assuming those two bills are no-brainers, there are still a few more things on Big Guy’s Winter Holiday wish list: his DREAM act, START treaty and DON’T ASK DON’T TELL reversal.  Harry vows to keep the Senate in session until he can deliver all these packages. 

Butt just a little advice Harry, if you don’t want to find your Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire: I’d suggest you give up the Santa Claus act and send the the Senate home for Christmas recess.

50760-u-s-senator-harry-reid-looks-at-the-floor-as-first-lady-mich Harry’s been a very bad boy this year, boys and girls. How should we punish him?

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Healthy, Hungry Free and (Jack) Booted

After another busy day of sacrificin’ for the American people, Lady M still found time for the annual reading of The Night Before Christmas at the National Children’s Medical Center. We always dress down for this event, in order to avoid scaring the sick children.


So we went with our Christmassy brown J. Crew.

and her little dog bo Little Bo and Santa Make Anything Less Scary: butt Bo wonders why Santa’s thighs are smaller than Lady M’s.

Butt for the most important part of the day we chose a swoopy, front-loaded Azzedine Alaia jersey frock in mouse gray, supported by our super-secret containment  system. We paired it up with specially made camel colored buckskin boots and a plastic fantastic flower power brooch.

swoopydress Jersey: it hangs wherever you put it

Oh, and we brought Big Guy along for the official signing of Lady M’s No Fat Kids’ Behinds bill into law because Bill Clinton wasn’t available.

tongue and broochWhoops! Our containment system is making a break for it.

Now that it’s official, the SEIU and Big Food can start cashing in on the $4.5 billion provisions. And we can stop worrying about national security! Because apparently that’s taken care of by keeping sugary drinks and salty snacks out of vending machines. That’s why it was so important to “git ‘er done” according to WaPo:

"Had I not been able to get this bill passed, I would be sleeping on the couch," (the president) said.

The first lady, laughing, replied, "Let's just say it got done."

Lady M was a bit testy, because she pretty much had to “git ‘er done” on her own, because Big Guy was too busy having Bill Clinton cut the tax deal for him.

witchesWicked witches of the East and West were on hand for the signing

Normally Lady M’s high heeled boot-sox would have been the funkiest fashion forward leg covering in the room, but that always stylish Rep. Rosa DeLauro (who obviously reads my blog for fashion advice) really upstaged her this time.

witches buckskin

Rosa’s ruby legs and slippers, left, and MO’s buttah’ yellow buckskins

Normally this would have been a good day, butt then we hear about the idiot judge in Virginia who decided that our Obamacare plan was unconstitutional. UNCONSTITUTIONAL! Are you kidding me? WE decide what’s constitutional around here, not some silly judge.

Today Is A Really Big Day

Ok, so today is a really big day. I know, everybody's celebrating Judge Henry Higgins’ Hudson’s ruling, throwing out Obamacare, butt that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about a little known decision handed down yesterday, making moi a finalist in BigFurHat’s annual PUK Awards!


Wouldn’t that look good on the mantle in my bunker? I’m so excited I could wet my pants, if I wore pants.

My entry is waaaaay down at the bottom of the comments and all messed up. Raj was updating TOTUS and I was so totally on my own, trying to post reflections for the contest. I am the first to admit that I don’t know HTML from Shinola, and I really messed up my entry. Butt despite all that, the guys at iOwnTheWorld picked little old me as one of the 25 finalists!

Now the judging has been handed to Professor William Jacobson of Legal Insurrection and my “Supremacy Clause” lawsuit fame.

prof jacobson-judge

I still haven’t gotten my tweet from Professor Jacobson or Megyn Kelly about that lunchie meeting to discuss the status of my suit, butt I know they’ve both been really busy.

According to BFH (BigFurHat):

One winner will be chosen and four runner-ups. The five nominator’s whose pictures are chosen will receive a prize to be named later.

I’ve already heard rumors that somebody is grousing about my “client relationship” with the judge. Let me just say that while I know Professor Jacobson and Megyn Kelly are dying to represent me in my fight for justice, they have not “officially” tweeted confirmation that they are on my legal team, so I’ve got a loophole going for me. Also, BFH has been in this business a while, so unless I miss my guess, “Chicago Rules” apply here, which would eliminate any “client relationship” or other disqualifying issues (such as a residency requirement).

Even if I don’t win, which will make me sad, maybe I’ll at least get “LINKED” by Professor Jacobson. According to his blog “Linking Policy”:

I like to link to people who link to me. Being linked by me is like getting an Instalanche, only smaller.

Clearly, I’ve “linked” to him and I could use a “Legalanche” over here! I rest my case. (Side Note To Professor Jacobson: Please feel free to use my new word “Legalanche” as your own. And don’t think of it as a “gift” or other incentive, offered to influence your PUK Award decision in any way. Unless Chicago Rules are in effect and it helps me.)

So, cross your fingers for me and HOPE that I win!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Father, Forgive Him, For He Has Not Got a Clue


The Won,arriving for the filming of his Christmas homily at the National Building Museum, with the family.

“Love One Another, As I Have Loved You”

Luke 22:1-38; John 13

Or something.

Big Guy, along with the rest of the cast of entertainers, gathered last night to film the annual Christmas in Washington celebration (airing Friday on TNT). He and TOTUS were called upon to deliver the season’s inspirational message:

"The story and message speak to us today. We are called to love each other as we love ourselves," Big Guy told the crowd: “… It's a message that guides my Christian faith."

Apparently his Christian faith is guided by something other than the teachings of the New Testament. Either that, or his fractured Biblical reference is the result of lingering effects of PTPD (Post Traumatic Press Disorder). This affliction is related to Spoonerism and Bowdlerism, and causes the victim to speak familiar words rearranged into phrases that have been expunged of all their original intent. 

wooden soldierAnd nobody leaves until I find out who stole my POTUS seal!

And before you jump all over TOTUS, let me assure you: HIS circuits were all loaded and operating correctly. This affliction causes a disruption of the normal TOTUS-to-tongue connection, and allows the super-ego to intervene.

Don’t worry though, since the Dawg is back, Big Guy and Team will be able to get away for our annual Hawaiian holiday and recharge all the depleted battery packs.

article-1338171-0C761334000005DC-758_306x423 The Wons sing along to Joy to the World

And since we have our Hawaiian get away coming up soon, we’re even going to give Andrea Bocelli a pass. Ricky Holder wanted to slap him with discrimination charges for his racist musical selection of “White Christmas” butt we decided to grant him a presidential pardon. Just like in the Bible.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Boyz are Back in Town: You Dawg!

 “The Boys Are Back In Town” by Thin Lizzy

Guess who just got back today?
Them wild-eyed boys that had been away


eat more beef bo

Haven't changed, have much to say
But man, I still think them cats are crazy



They were asking if you were around
How you was, where you could be found


Told them you were living downtown
Driving all the old men crazy

The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town


I said
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town


You know that chick that used to dance a lot
Every night she'd be on the floor shaking what she'd got


Man when I tell you she was cool, she was red hot
I mean she was steaming

Vanity Fair Post Oscar Party NxbATEBER_xl

And that time over at Johnny's place
Well this chick got up and she slapped Johnny's face


Man we just fell about the place
If that chick don't want to know, forget her


The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town

I said
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town

Spread the word around
Guess who's back in town


You spread the word around


Friday night they'll be dressed to kill
Down at Dino's bar and grill

The drink will flow and blood will spill
And if the boys want to fight, you'd better let them

 fat lip split lip2

  That jukebox in the corner blasting out my favorite song
The nights are getting warmer, it won't be long


Won't be long till summer comes
Now that the boys are here again


The boys are back in town 
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town

   clinton sax  






Spread the word around
The boys are back in town
The boys are back in town 

 hillary-bill-clinton 232x356

(whispered) The boy's are back, the boys are back


  never been told no image-2-for-obama-alongside-rormer-presidents-bush-and-clinton-speaks-about-haiti-gallery-494865588

(sung) The boy's are back in town again

Hillary Clinton Michelle Obama Announce Int RMRwVAXz67Sl

Been hangin' down at Dino's
The boy's are back in town again