The Middle East is imploding, and Big Guy’s talking about why we shouldn’t be eating tater tots?
Of course, he did address the situation in Egypt last night, after the customary 72 hours of silence. He selected the State Dining Room so we could position the podium directly in front of Abraham Lincoln’s portrait in order to milk the rich symbolism of the civil rights and civil war president. Is our PR team worth their weight in gold, or what?
It’s a touchy situation since our friend and ally, Mubarak, is keeping the Muslim Brotherhood from stepping into the vacuum that his downfall would create. We’re a little afraid that their dictator could be even worse than our dictator. You know, like that whole unfortunate Jimmy Carter/Shah of Iran/Ayatollah situation back in the day? - that we’re still living with?
Even the most politically correct amongst Big Guy’s Big White team will concede that the Muslim Brotherhood is part of that “small percentage” of Muslims that we refer to as “Islamic extremists.” They’re the ones who like to shout “Death to America!” Not our friends.
So, it’s complicated. Butt I’m sure we’re up to the task.
Meanwhile, Lady M announced she will be campaigning for Big Guy in 2012! Really?!!
As if we ever stopped.
"Whenever it's time to campaign and they tap me on the shoulder, I'll be right there," the first lady continued. "But until then, we've got some great initiatives," she said. "And I'm rolling up my sleeves to get that work done, and we'll cross that other bridge when we get there."
Heh, heh. Isn’t it great the way our supportive press handles these things for us? And they’re also reporting Lady M’s salute to military families as her Eleanor Roosevelt initiative. Truthfully, our public opinion polls have been showing “support for military families” as the highest ranking, bipartisan issue since well before we were the Wons. We’re just continuing to use it for its best purpose: to woo more votes.
That’s why we we’ve spent so much time these past two years visiting the troops, and acting empathetic when we talk about the needs of military families.
On Monday, President Obama announced new initiatives to help support military families across the federal government and declared that they are now “upping their game” in support. Mrs. Obama said that there are a lot of simple things that people can do to help – if you’re an accountant, helping a military family prepare their taxes for example, she said.
Or better yet, maybe we could lower their taxes.
“A lot of these women can use a girl’s night out, a manicure, a pedicure, a break,” she said, “There are things we can do as a nation big and small.”
And you can count on us to take care of the small ones.
That’s why we appeared on Oprah’s show, to show America how much we care. For the occasion, we chose a fuchsia Speedo, a new Sputnik moment, space age containment system and a new necklace:
This, of course is a look we’ve sported before, and are quite comfortable with.
These are trying times. We must all remain strong.
"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time." — Abraham Lincoln
And then some of us, who are just here to reflect, can never be fooled.