Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Movin’ to the Center

Well, I hope you’re all happy now. You wanted to see Lady M  in a  suit and stockings, and she complied.

Butt as you can see, she’s not happy about it.


The occasion was Big Guy’s announcement of  "an unprecedented commitment to America's military families" because he went to Afghanistan and discovered that military personnel were worried about their families back home. Who knew!?

And giving additional benefits to the families of our brave military personnel tested very positive in focus groups, so naturally, they moved immediately into our focus.

Lady M’s new dresser thought this would be an excellent opportunity to send a new signal about our commitment to fashion democracy: we’re moving to the center! Middle America ‘R Us.

Since it was a last minute decision, she had our newest sponsor, Walmart, sent over something from their current collection. And  the Big White seamstress, because we so rarely use her,had gone on vacation so we had to go “off the rack.”

Now, I’m not saying that Walmart doesn’t offer fine quality for the money and all,  I just don’t know how much tailoring you can expect from someone making 15 cents an hour. So I’m not blaming them or anything, butt surely you can see why our new Big White official sponsor won’t be providing any additional FLOTUS fashions.

For starters:


And then, there is the question of the lapel points:


Seriously, all they’d have to do to fix those little puckers at the points would be to watch a video of Martha Stewart making placemats on her Singer (made in China now). You need one of those little pointy thingies that Martha uses to take care of this.

Not that the points were the only problem with this ensemble:


The necklace was also from the Walmart winter collection, and by wearing it with the suit I believe we have now fulfilled the product endorsement portion of the Walmart contract. Thank goodness that’s behind us.


As you can see, the skirt was a nightmare of ill-fitting fabric and fuzzy logic too. Sew, let’s focus on the positive – because we’re into optimism around here. Lady M did wear stockings!



While this look might not have been a complete win, it was certainly preferable to the outfit sent over by our other newest Big White sponsor, GE:

KF750%20Solar%20new GE’s new solar suit: conserve energy while saving the planet

I can neither confirm nor deny the rumor that Lady M hired a new stylist. Butt I can tell you she’s no longer employed at the Big white. She’s been reassigned to “work on our campaign” back in Chicago.

BTW: for those who think this photo is evidence that Lady M had a chin implant, I can neither confirm nor deny that either. 

 whatsupwith the lapel points

I’ll be taking a break from my Sundance responsibilities tonight, and flying back to Washington to refract Lady M for the big SOTU. Big Guy’s sending Air Force .5 to pick me up for this important event. AF.5, you may recall, used to be Nancy Pelosi’s private jet. The new Speaker, John Boehner – even though he won it from her fair and square - told Big Guy that he wasn’t going to use AF.5 for his personal use. Good thing, too, because Big Guy had already given it to TOTUS and me.

See you all tonight!