A Parable of Clothes and Fishes: UPDATE

UPDATE: DUE TO ACCUSATIONS RANGING FROM A POLITE “DID YOU OVERLOOK THIS?” TO ACTUALLY REDACTING THE RECORD FROM LAST NIGHT, I AM NOW POSTING ANOTHER PHOTO, WHICH IS APPARENTLY EVERYONE’S FAVORITE.

IN MY DEFENSE, I WAS ATTEMPTING TO PRESENT A MORE CIVILIZED VERSION OF LADY M FASHION ICONOGRPHY. I SEE NOW HOW FRUITLESS THAT IS. SO IF YOU SCROLL DOWN YOU’LL SEE WHERE THE THIGH BONE’S CONNECTED TO THE BUTT BONE. IT’S UNDER (JUANITA’S SUGGESTION) “OR WALK.”

OK. I HOPE EVERYONE’S HAPPY NOW.

I would like to begin this post, as I probably should all of them, by apologizing for Lady M’s appearance. I was having too much fun live-blogging and let my lenses down for a little too long.

I thought we were going to be fine.

And, as God is my witness, I thought we had fulfilled the contractual terms of our product placement with Walmart. Nor did I have any idea that Walmart was now carrying Rachael Roy!

Since we were wearing a very important designer I assumed - even if the fit wasn’t a 100% match to our body type - that at least the fabric wouldn’t end up all mid-20th century wrinkly.  Butt here’s the thing about these reasonably priced Walmart garments (aside from the fact they’re made in Chinese sweatshops): They look ok until, as Granny Jan pointed out, you happen to turn sideways:

or, I would add, stand up;

 

…or sit down:

OR WALK:  …PERHAPS A FULL LENGTH COAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER CHOICE

I swear, as long as Lady M has this contract with Walmart and Amerika, I will never again assume that a designer name means we’re safe from the deadly deep creases and wrinkles. Like the saying goes, assuming always makes an ASS out of U and ME.

My bad: very, very bad.

Butt on to Big Guy’s speech, because, after all, we were assembled to praise Caesar, not bury him. And was it not ingenious! He channeled his inner Billy-Bob and co-opted the rhetoric of conservatives for his own purposes.

In the interest of being civil he got a new voice coach to make his angry rhetoric sound upbeat and inspirational, a new triangulator to make his spending sound more like investments, his taxation sound more like “contributions,” and his solar panels and wind mills sound more like an energy program.

He even got a new speech writer to invoke a Sputnik moment for this generation. And here is Big Guy’s challenge for Amerika: he envisions a country where all Americans can enjoy smoked salmon served to them on a solar powered high speed train, served by well educated illegal immigrants.*

Hop on Big Guy’s dinner train, while China continues to eat our lunch

Is there still anyone who wonders whether Big Guy is the smartest man in the history of the world?

*h/t Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R) Utah