Saturday, September 11, 2010

Never Forget, Never Submit

We take a break from our normal commentary on the dismantling of America to reflect and remember the act of war that launched the 21st century.

We pause to remember the victims in New York, Washington D.C. and Pennsylvania, as well as the loved ones they left behind. And we humbly remember the first responders, the heroes who reaffirmed our faith in the meaning of that word.

And we take a moment to reflect on the  fanatical political system that launched this attack. No, not a religion of peace. A political theocracy comprised of religious, legal, political, economic and military components. The religious component is the mask behind which all the other components hide. 

Here, from the Manhattan balcony of a couple living a few blocks from the WTC, is the amateur video of a woman, and her husband, reacting to the evil unfolding before them. I wonder how they feel about the Ground Zero Mosque going up in their neighborhood?



Be strong America. Because WE are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

God Bless America.

Friday, September 10, 2010


The Presser is, mercifully, over. All I want to say right now is POTUS minus TOTUS equals DOTUS (Doofus of the United States).

Things got off to a good start: TOTUS was on a roll:


And then the speech was over, the questions began, and TOTUS went blank. It’s not that Big Guy didn’t practice – in his econ 101 tutorial last week he even learned how to use “transfer payment” in a sentence. But somehow, all those questions flying at him from out of left field left him a bit, well, tongue-tied. Even though we tried to use our favorite words, like “unprecedented” as often as possible, and blame the Republicans for everything from bad teachers to the “Jewish problem” it didn’t really come off as clean and articulate as we would have liked.

News at 11:00.


Sheeze, and they used to make fun of GWB?

Foams, Emulsions and Polymer Melts: Dinner!

I know this isn’t news, but I just found out that one of our many on-staff chefs is going to be a guest lecturer at Harvard this fall. That’s right: Harvard! University to the best and the brightest! Including, of course, our very own MO and BO. I must say, this begins to explain a lot.

bomo Harvard Law grads and over-achievers. In addition to being President, BO was also a Community Organizer and  guest lecturer of Constitutional Law at the University of Chicago. MO, in addition to being FLOTUS is also World-Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™

Bill Yosses, our dessert-is-not-a-right chef, has been announced as one of the guest lecturers for a new undergraduate science course offered for the first time this year at Harvard:

 Science of the Physical Universe 27, “Science and Cooking: From Haute Cuisine to the Science of Soft Matter

Don’t even get me started on “the Science of Soft Matter.”

The course offering is from the School of Engineering and Applied Sciences, in which Harvard brings the applied technology of Ferran AdriĆ ’s molecular gastronomy to the classroom. You may recall this from our pre-Spain discussion of Ferran’s el Bulli restaurant. It’s all about dinner-as-science-project, as explained in the course description:

AdriĆ  is considered a pioneer of exploiting scientific principles to push the limits of modern cuisine, manipulating the physical and chemical processes of cooking by using substances such as hydrocolloids, or “gums” that enable a delicate fruit puree to be transformed into a dense gel, and deconstruction techniques like spherification, creating a resistant skin of liquid.

styrofoam foodFerran’s “crunchy dehydrated strawberry meringue,” aka Styrofoam food


No wonder we’ve cancelled our Space Shuttle program: we’re going to turn NASA into a science lab for fake food.

All of which I find a little confusing - what with our interest in organic produce, locavore products and “healthy” eating. Do you know what goes into molecular gastronomy dining? Sodium Alginate, Calcium Chloride, Sodium Citrate, Isomalt and – I hope you’re sitting down -   Transglutaminase …  that’s …  Meat Glue! I can’t say for sure, but maybe we’re expanding our “organic” food line to include anything listed in the “Organic Chemistry 101” textbook.

Anyway, chefs use these mysterious chemicals to create “food” that they then call “foams, emulsions and Polymer Melts.” Mmm, mmm, mmm.

 foams Foam with bits of organic matter suspended in it: precious!

spherical balloons the spherification of zygotes

Did I just read something about there being an education bubble about to pop? I mean besides Glenn Reynolds article? Because I think this might just cinch their case.

O/T, but be sure to tune in for Big Guy’s presser at 11:00 AM. He’ll be announcing our new economic czar: Austan Goolsbee: I guess we’ve just decided to start writing the material for the late night comedians ourselves, since they’re going to pick on us anyway.

goolsbeeGoolsbee and Frank, doing their homework.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

The Fall Kickoff

Yesterday marked a very historic day for Lady M. Whereas in the past we’ve promoted our “No Childs’ Fat Behind” initiative by participating in a variety of “Moo-ves” …

We’ve run,

yellow shoes fuschia dress and kindergarten antics





dodged toilet plungers,


and flown.


We’ve played soccer,


and baseball,


and, of course, hoops,


But yesterday brought another historical first: something we’ve never seen a FLOTUS do before, in an official capacity: football, American style.


of course, MO also ran,

fat like me



and flew (again),

flying again

but it was her skill at football that impressed the most.


She was taking yet another page out of her “WWJD” (What Would Jackie Do) notebook. Unfortunately, she failed to note that when Jackie played touch football at the Kennedy compound on Hyannis Port, it was with family members only, and, according to resident historians, she “ran like a gazelle” not a line backer.


But Jackie remains the only First Lady that MO wants to emulate, certain in her mind that if she does, her poll numbers will head back into the stratosphere, rather than continue to slink to Imelda Marcos levels. Perhaps we could start by learning how to ski and ride like Jackie did:


 clear  SunValley-Idaho_Jackie-Onassis-Caroline-JohnJr-JimWhitaker-late1960s


Although, to be honest, those athletic  endeavors are a little, uh, white. So I don’t know if MO will be all that interested.

So I’m thinking maybe we could start with something less racist: like sitting. I’ve seen many black women sit like Jackie, including Condoleeza and even Desi. I think it’s a relatively easy skill to learn, but like all habits, will take repetitive practice in order to stick. I think it would be a nice gesture if she were to master this tricky “move” and pass it on to her own daughters before it becomes completely archaic.

jackie how women sit FireShot- mo no

But of course, as is always the case when we schedule a big announcement like the official Fall Kickoff of “No Childs’ Fat Behind,” we had several wardrobe changes throughout the day. Here’s the pre-game, pep rally frock:

skittles boobbelt discreetpleatsOur favorite Moschino Skittles dress with sparkly built in boob belt

 skittlesClose-up of the Skittles

Here’s how the skittle dress looked on us at it’s debut back on Stinco de Mayo, 2009:


We had a bit more breathing room, but not bad.  We just needed to add a few more rows of bangles to the boob belt.

And of course, here’s our game day uniform:

thief Game face gear, with tails 

And finally, home again, where our Air Force 2 met up with Big Guy’s Air Force Won at Andrews Air Force Base to hop our Marine Won helicopter limo back to the Big White.

what is that tail Black, tie, and tails.

Big Guy had a historic day of his own: yesterday he stopped blaming George W. Bush openly for the failed economy. Having realized that the strategy’s “use by” date of efficacy had expired, he shifted the blame instead to Mitch McConnell and the rest of the racist, Islamaphobic, homophobes who make up the Republican party.

wee are still the won Hell-ooooo Cleveland! Wee are still the Won! uuhh, where’s TOTUS?

Wednesday, September 8, 2010



100723-G-5880R-113 Coast Guard Cutter Stratton christening


Go see for yourself. As Gerard would say, it’s “Something Wonderful.”

BOw wow

"Some powerful interests who had been dominating the agenda in Washington for a very long time and they're not always happy with me. They talk about me like a dog," 


Naughty, naughty Suzette! Just look what she posted yesterday about Big Guy’s off-the-cuff remark about the racist Republicans treating him like (ahem) a canine:

In defense of self-described mutt  B.Obama , what he said over the weekend is quite true. They DO talk about him like a dog. And why not? Look what he’s given them to work with:

  • he’s loyal to his masters
  • he likes to play with balls
  • his mate is a bitch
  • just when you think he’s all done, he produces another pile of shit
  • someone else is going to have to clean up the mess he’s making

Cripes, Suzette! I hope you’re ashamed of yourself. Now go sit in a corner for the rest of the morning.

BTW: this is what being treated like a dog really looks like.


Fall for Dance: 100% Pornography Free

You’ve no idea how relieved I was when Judith Jamison came forward  this evening for Lady M’s ceremonial hug at the kick off of our dance-fest.

jj ceremonialhug Mama Bearhugs Judith Jamison

How embarrassing: I had the wrong “J. Jamison” loaded onto my hard drive data pack for tonight’s big cultural dance party celebration. I could have sworn Smooty told me we were hosting a dance-fest with Jenna Jameson, world famous star of stage, screen and interweb porn sites:

jenna-jamesonJJ and her Cantaloupes

But, thank goodness, it was Judith Jamison! World renowned artistic director of Alvin Ailey!


And to think, I’ve been worried all day for nothing. In retrospect, I should have know I had that wrong: did you see the size of Jenna’s hooters?! There’s no way Lady M would have let those cantaloupes in the same room with her little lemons. We don’t deal with competition well, unless we’re counting the votes.

little lemons And without the boob belt giving them a little boost, they probably wouldn’t even be AA grade lemons.

But back to the dance party: even though there were 3 other dance companies here, it was really a celebration of Judith’s many years as principle dancer for Alvin Ailey, and then, for the past 2 decades, as choreographer and artistic director. She’s retiring this spring: I wonder if she has another gig lined up yet, because we could sure use an artistic director around here. Even if she did nothing other than shoes, bags, belts and bangles we’d be light years ahead of ourselves. Obviously she wouldn’t be my first choice for hair, but I think she’s proven her chops in those other areas. 

Here’s a picture of the diverse group of the most talented young dancers in the whole country, practicing this afternoon upstairs with the AA dancers and other professionals form Broadway. ( No truth to the rumor Toes dropped in for a few pirouettes. He was busy swapping texts with Mayor Daley re. his succession plan.)

WaPo-dance-2Tiny dancers, from across the land

Here’s just a tiny bit of Lady M’s introductory remarks, greeting the tiny dancers who came to learn at the feet of the professionals. They were so excited, and I think you’ll  get a sense of the electricity that MO’s comments added to the experience:

Did you all have fun this afternoon? 
MRS. OBAMA:  Did you work up a good sweat? 
MRS. OBAMA:  Well, good.  That’s a good thing.  I’m also doing “Let’s Move,” so that's good -- moving, dancing, all that stuff.


Yep. All good. Let’s compare our  “stuff.”

Linda Celeste Sims, principle dancer, shows her moves.

let's move letsmove1

Lady M, principle enhancer, busts her moves:

 caption_Michzilla dancing withthefrogs

Do you like our new snow leopard dress? Here’s a shot of the full-length frock. I know it’s a little wilder than usual, but that’s why we femmed it up with the little black lace bib. I think it’s a nice touch.

232x389mrs O “O” yes we can!

And by the way, yes, we did “grow” a fresh set of eyebrows. The rest of the sprouts aren’t doing as well, hence the return of the luxurious bob.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Out of the Ditch; Into the Abyss

Wisely, Lady M decided not to got to Wisconsin with Big Guy and TOTUS for his Big Labor rally read in Milwaukee. Besides shoring up her energy for this week’s big fall kickoff of the No Kids’ Fat Behind effort, she’s still smarting a bit over her falling poll numbers. And although she’s publically blaming this on the Republican haters, privately she’s blaming Big Guy for not fixing the economy so people won’t notice all her 5-star vacays. 

Besides, she’s also busy rehearsing her stump-speech on behalf of some of our weaker links. She’s been working with me, too, to lose that “angry other woman” look. It sneaks out from time to time and might have contributed just a smidge to her dip in the polls.


But BO had a pretty easy day yesterday, even though he didn’t get to play golf. He played to a friendly house: a veritable love-fest of hand selected AFL-CIO-ers. In his remarks, he shared how the Repubs have been hatin’ on him:

“Some powerful interests who had been dominating the agenda in Washington for a very long time, they’re not always happy with me. They talk about me like a dog. That’s not in my prepared remarks, but it’s true.”

Those little “ad-lib” lines are always a big hit (TOTUS works really hard to get them to sound off the cuff). Especially when they evoke sympathy from the sycophants. Big Guy went on to explain:

“We didn’t become the most powerful nation in the world by just rewarding greed and recklessness.”

Yes, how was it again that we DID become the most powerful nation in the world? Oh yeah: strikes, welfare, food stamps and windmills. Let’s hire more community organizers so we can get more of that.

After blaming Bush and the Republicans for driving us into the ditch, BO rolled up his sleeves and rolled out another half trillion dollar stimulus plan: Trains, and planes, and automobiles. Not a bad day’s work - for a holiday.

madmenBig Dog, little stick