Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Chuck & Barry Show. A Little Weekend Fun

Query: What do Big Guy and Prince Charles have in common – aside from the big ears? And all those gay rumors which, mind you, are just rumors.

Well for starters, as you’ll see below, they both love to bust a move:



barry and ellen

Dancing gaily

 Bo and Medvedevarticle-1162138-03E6CAE6000005DC-208_468x684

The do-si-do, two ways

AADS002126 Pg-08-President-Bar_116161t

Chuck with Lady Di, Barry with Lady M

And of course they both recently enjoyed dancing in India:

bg dancing with the urchins Barry in Mumbai

INDIA Chuck in Jodhpur

The local Indian press documented the Chuck and Barry shows, demonstrating their respective dance skills.

(Later BO practiced his leg placement so as to get that Prince Charles mojo thing going.)

kim yook-ok


Of course, the real Chuck Berry has (UPDATED to reflect Chuck’s still dancing onstage! H/T: Moright) a few better moves than either of them:

And if you watch this next Vid till the end, you’ll see that barefoot UmaThurman obviously taught Lady M how to do the Koli dance (starting at approximately the 1:57 mark), although Big Guy was too busy organizing communities at the time to learn his steps from John Travolta:

But I digress: back to Chuck and Barry. Big ears, dancing in India and, finally, and odd affinity for umbrellas:

  Prince c and lady Carmella prince c umbrella

prince charles umbrella

morton salt girl



Maybe it’s a royal thing.

Oh, and one last thing the two have in common: they both married fashion forward fashion icons. Prince Charles, to his credit, twice.





Have a nice weekend!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Devaluation: It’s not just for dollars any more

I guess Big Guy’s economic plan for the world to continue spending it’s way to prosperity didn’t sell any better on the world court then it did on the home court.

It looks like BO is coming home without an agreement after all. Not even with South Korea, which has upset groups as diverse as the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and the UAW. Additionally, China is brazenly ignoring his pleas to devalue the Yuan, even though we – in the spirit of bi-partisanship – went ahead and devalued our Dollar.

Seriously, if you can’t get a free-trade agreement with your BFF, who can you get a free-trade agreement with? I mean, South Korea? Proud manufacturing capital of Nikes? South K is now more capitalist than the former capital of capitalism, and we can’t even get them to agree with us?


This is not good for Big Guy’s ego.

kim yook-ok Lee Myung-bak and wife Kim Yook-ok, pushing Big Guy around

First he get’s shellacked at home, and now over seas. Need I mention, we are not accustomed to this type of treatment? 

what's on your iPodGo to your private place, where all is calm and good

Well, except from China, Russia, North Korea, Cuba, Venezuela, Brazil and Iran. Ingrates. After all we’ve done for them!  Even Angie b***h-slapped him around a little in private, before posing for photo-ops.

angie 2

So, it looks like we’re coming home empty handed again. An un-named senior U.S. official bluntly explained Big Guy’s failure to dictate hard policy: "You've got to live in the real world. [ed. as opposed to what, Obama-Land?] This is the world of sovereign states. There is no country that is going to be willing to cede sovereignty over its economic policy to a committee."

Apparently our “official” is unaware of the European Union? And a little too wet behind the ears to remember the real world of the latter half of the 20th century?

ronnie BW Ronnie, at the Berlin Wall: living in the real world

Anyway, now the Market Oracle is forecasting “monster reversals in stocks, commodities and the U.S. dollar.” So I guess BO’s work is done.

Oh yeah, Lady M and I are back at the Big White after flippin’ steaks at the brave soldiers in Germany in honor of Veteran’s Day.


She’s still torqued off about that Mooslim treatment in Indonesia, but a few more half gallons of Hagen-daz and Grey Goose and I’m sure she’ll be back to normal.


Lady M hates being upstaged, especially by cute blondes

bettina Wulff Really!

Big Guy’s on to Japan. Two words: no bowing.

 no, no don't bow  “May I pour you a little water, sir”


Thursday, November 11, 2010

Rollin’ with the Roots of our Seoul Train

Today Lady M is going to visit some of our soldiers at Landstuhl Medical Center and Ramstein Air Base in Germany on our way home. I love visiting our soldiers because they are sooo easy to reflect well. It’s a nice change of pace, and I’m honored to be here on Veteran’s Day. Especially after last year’s V-Day disaster.

We dropped Big Guy off in Seoul to participate in the G-20, a world-wide economic conference where the U.S. used to matter, but now, like everyone else except China, we just go for the optics:

lee Myung-bakRemember: “no bowing, head up”

We’re all glad to get out of Indonesia, and not just because of the volcanic ash. Lady M had some, uh, “issues” that certain unauthorized reporters tried to make into some kind of an international incident.

indo itch

And I don’t think Big Guy was especially crazy about people remembering and reporting on his childhood days in Indonesia, where everyone knew him as a bad little boy named Barry. 

Obama-Indonesia2_1598765c Barry and his little Indonesian friends: early sycophants

The good news is that Barry was apparently not influenced at all by his Muslim education in his adopted home. It seems he had pretty much charted out his life course by the time he got there:

One time, recalled the elder son, Slamet Januadi, now 52, Mr. Obama asked a group of boys whether they wanted to grow up to be president, a soldier or a businessman. A president would own nothing while a soldier would possess weapons and a businessmen would have money, the young Obama explained.

Mr. Januadi and his younger brother, both of whom later joined the Indonesian military, said they wanted to become soldiers. Another boy, a future banker, said he would become a businessman.

“Then Barry said he would become president and order the soldier to guard him and the businessman to use his money to build him something,” Mr. Januadi said. “We told him, ‘You cheated. You didn’t give us those details.’ ”

That wily Barry! He had figured out how communism could be used to his benefit long before most little boys could even spell it. And he had already assimilated, at a tender age, the benefit of not disclosing the details to the little people. This child was clearly marked for greatness.

obama shhep

Disappointingly though, we didn’t get a chance to meet Big Guy’s nanny who took care of him while he was growing up in Jakarta:

His nanny was an openly gay man who, in keeping with Indonesia’s relaxed attitudes toward homosexuality, carried on an affair with a local butcher, longtime residents said. The nanny later joined a group of transvestites called Fantastic Dolls, who, like the many transvestites who remain fixtures of Jakarta’s streetscape, entertained people by dancing and playing volleyball.

Big Guy recalls him/her fondly as yet another example of the rich diversity of life’s tapestry that his mother exposed him to. It made him the man he is today.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention: his nanny did try to teach young Barry how to dance professionally, but Big Guy had already made up his mind to become President, and have people build things for him.

bo-vempati ravishankar copy Barry dances, before he located his soul

I’ll be back later with our photo-ops of MO with our brave soldiers in Germany.

UPDATE: You may notice a swarm of new trolls sneaking in under cover of the ether. This is because we got “wonked” yesterday. We are causing quite a stir in Obamaland.

We Are NOT The Ones They've Been Waiting For!

We Are The Ones They’ve Been Afraid Of!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

From Riches to Ragtops: UPDATE: To Tatas

UPDATE: A RIGHTNETWORK Exclusive Reflection of Lady M backing into a Tata Nano. I think you will all “Like” the crap out of it!

Reporting from the way far East, this is your cub reporter, MOTUS.

cub reporter-full copy

Back to you Chet.

Oh oh! I think I might need to dust off and enhance my Curriculum Vitae. When Lady M reads the reviews from the Indian leg of our Metallica Mystery tour, I might end up another statistic in the endless unemployment line.

Can you believe this?  All of the Indian journalists are telling the truth about our trousseau. Where do these foreigners get off speaking truth to power?

“Michelle tried to follow the 1950s’ dressing theme, which is now in (but) some of her outfits were quite hideous. The black full-sleeved top and high-waist skirt she wore during her Raj Ghat visit didn’t work at all.”



What’s not working here? The Walmart pin (made in China?, The  black spandex top from Walmart (made in China)? The retro, reverse box pleat abstract print skirt made from a shower curtain from Walmart (made in China)… wait: I’m catching the drift – international jealousy. That is hideous.

I wonder if this mystical transformation to a short-sleeved version with indigenous bangles works any better for smarty-pants?


Jamal Shaikh , editor, Men’s Health, says, “The long gown that she wore to the state banquet made her look like a giant mermaid. It wasn’t exactly flattering for her frame.”

x610.jpsolitareWell I’ll be damned - fish scales! I would have sworn that was reptilian skin. So anyway, Mr. Jamal Shaikh, what you clearly don’t understand is that nothing is exactly flattering to Lady M’s frame. Work with us here. That’s your job.

Designer Anupama Dayal says, “She looked elegant, yet sexy in sharply tailored, dresses in Paris. Over here, her slightly billowy skirt seemed to form a paunch on her stomach.”

article-0-0BEF640A000005DC-622_306x697 paunchy

Ya’ think?

This is very unprofessional reporting. What we’re dealing with here is a hostile Indian press, cherry picking little snippets of the truth in order to make the story fit their point. For example, not one comment about this outfit:


Upon review of the entire stiuation, I don’t think I need to update my CV after all. By current administration standards, I give myself a B+

Meanwhile, one day in Indonesia and we’ve already created an international incident. Here’s the situation as clearly as I can relate it: Lady M is in a diplomatic line shaking diplomatic hands when along comes some guy from the Neanderthal period who doesn’t believe in shaking hands with unclean women, or something.  Never-the-less, Lady M’s personal charms and magnetic powers suck him into her vortex and force him to press flesh.


So then, Mr. conservative Muslim goody-goody tries to explain this gross breach of propriety to all of his loyal and, presumably, likewise flesh obsessed followers:

“I tried to prevent [being touched] with my hands but Mrs. Michelle held her hands too far toward me [so] we touched," Tifatul Sembiring told tens of thousands of followers on Twitter, the Associated Press reports.

I don’t know what actually happened, since I was all wrapped up in my Mylar snuggie and couldn’t get a clear reflection. But on YouTube, he does look like he’s under some kind of spell. So clearly, our protocol chief completely screwed up. She’s the one who is going to need to update her resume - she’s so fired.

Butt that incident was nothing compared to our trip to the Mosque.

article-1328351-0BFE765A000005DC-739_634x508Does Michelle really need to wear this babushka? Because as you can see, she isn’t happy about it.”

Although to be fair, the ragtop is the least of our issues here:


*Sigh* That Mylar pouch is not working out as well as I’d hoped. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to have a current resume available. Any HR professionals out there available for a little personal coaching?

Looks like we’re landing in Seoul now. At least I can enjoy some bulgogi and kimchi before getting tossed into the soup line.

Linked by:

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

RIGHTNETWORK #2: Obama's Brother from Another Mother


Warning: the picture on the right is a composite of the two on the left. Disturbing, no?

As you know, I wasn’t around when Richard Nixon was in the White House so I’m depending on my American History module to inform this discussion.

As I understand it, President Nixon was said to be a paranoid narcissist who had a drinking problem, suffered mood swings, had difficulty distinguishing between his perceptions and objective reality, despised the increasingly critical press and demonized those who disagreed with him.

He was ultimately brought down not so much by his nuttiness but by a certain person, code-named “Deep Throat” who passed damning insider information on to Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein, two shlubs working for the Washington Post and looking to make a mark with their Watergate coverage.

Now, in an odd twist of fate, or historical coincidence, we find ourselves dealing with our own 21st century “Deep Throat,” code-named “Rope-a-Dope” who’s spreading supposed Big White insider information on to some would-be modern day investigative journalist named Ulsterman. He’s already published 7 entries from this supposed “source,” relating tales of presidential meltdowns, malfeasance, depression and withdrawal.

The gist of Rope-a-Dope’s interviews with the U-man seems to be that Big Guy is, well, a paranoid narcissist who has a drinking problem, suffers mood swings, has difficulty distinguishing between his perceptions and objective reality, despises the increasingly critical press and demonizes those who disagree with him. Where have I read that before?


Something else the boys have in common: boxers, not briefs

I can see two possible explanations for the release of these sensational stories ahead of the midterms.

One, Bob Woodward, who was given waaay too much access to the Big White in order to write his latest best seller, Obama’s Wars, has been trying to relive his glory days ever since Bobby Redford played him in All the President’s Men, and finally saw his chance. Since he’s too old for the lead this time around, he decided to play the noble role of DeepThroat instead.

Additionally, I would just add that Woodward is a close personal friend of both Bill and Hill. You do the math.

The only other possible explanation is that this is just part of the vast, racist rightwing conspiracy.

Either way, painting Big Guy as a disturbed Nixonian persona seems a bit of stretch. For one thing, Nixon kept his enemies list close to the vest, whereas BO is proud to review his every time he opens his mouth.

Nor do they agree on the value of a good round of golf. The Nixter said “By the time you get dressed, drive out there, play 18 holes and come home, you've blown seven hours. There are better things you can do with your time.”  The Won, on the other hand, can’t conceive of a better way to blow seven hours.


Although it’s possible that Tricky Dick didn’t like golf because it appears he just wasn’t that good at it.


Will this cost me a Mulligan?

Just in case you haven’t been following Ulsterman’s chronicle of life behind-Oz’s-curtain, it started in early September. Our unidentified Rope-a-Dope started feeding him with – theoretically - insider dope. U-man swallowed the feed and filed Part 1 of the Obama Diaries: The President is Losing It,  which I covered the other day in Where’s the Damn Seal !!?

This was followed shortly by Part 2, The President Needs to Grow Up in which we find out that Rope-a-Dope thinks that Lady M “...might be to the left of Nancy Pelosi.  She really doesn’t care for how things work in the country and she wants to see it all changed.” and that Big Guy “...doesn’t respect any opinion that is different from his own.  He just doesn’t care to know any other side to any given issue.  I really believe it’s a maturity thing.”

This is just silly. How is this mole-worthy? Does anyone NOT know that Lady M is not just left of Fancy Nancy, but about two full continents to the left of even Barbra Streisand and Rachael Madow?

Butt why are we even putting Lady M and the soon to be deposed, Fancy Nancy in the same sentence? Clearly, there’s no comparison.


 Completely Out Gunned!

And Big Guy doesn’t respect opinions different from his own?  I hope U-man isn’t paying for this stuff, because even Barney down in the mail room knows better than to disagree with BO about anything, even the weather. We all know we’re just one slip away from being dumped into the bucket of bitter clingers and cops acting stupidly.  The Big White is World Headquarters for Sycophants ‘R Us.

So, just a heads up, there are at least 5 more installments that I’ll be reporting on over the next  2 weeks.  Don’t believe any of it. I’ve seen this sort of fabrication before. Surely you know by now that everything you hear and most of what you see around here is done with smoke and (modest blush) mirrors? So let’s be careful out there.

Rumor: Big Guy is depressed and withdrawn. Fact: Not true. He’s just busy playing golf, shooting hoops, and enjoying a few smokes and drinks with Reggie while chilling out and watching a few games on ESPN. Smoke? Mirrors? I reflect, you decide.



Do you have any other kind of pie? I don’t really like apple.

The Metallica Mystery Tour … continues

bow after speechAh, finally! The Imperial bow.

Big Guy’s patronizing speech to the Indian Parliament was sort of confusing. Not the patronizing part - we do imperialism rather well - but the part where he  praised India's democratic institutions: its free electoral system, independent judiciary, the rule of law, and a free press: all things that he opposes in the United States.

And apparently TOTUS refused to condemn jihad, to the dismay of some people both in India and the U.S.

Butt damn! Big Guy does love the Indian ceremonial guards and chefs.

 honor guard

Can we get some of these to take home? They’d look good in the Big White.


    Then the Indians threw us a swell state dinner. We pulled out all the stops, including our special hair, lip gloss, gold silk organza blouse, gold mini-boob belt and our special tinfoil reptilian patterned skirt that we had been saving for Indonesia.

  silk organza Another potential salt and pepper set for our collection 

I wasn’t really sure we were going to get to go to Indonesia until we actually departed in our schizophrenic dress and blue Cinderellas.

all aboard rear

Officially the hesitation regarding the trip was due to the volcanic eruption:


Although the real eruptions we were concerned about were more domestic:

protest jakarta I can’t imagine what it must be like - being rejected by 2 of your 3 countries.

Anyway, Lady M went native for our deplaning and arrival,

arrrivaladding her own fashion forward touch to this traditional Indonesian dress style. Our wide-legged pants and lace trimmed, boob-cinched tunic style top was unexpected. And unprecedented.

Ms.NBC explains the importance of this Indonesian trip by BO and MO:

U.S. President Barack Obama arrived in Jakarta on Tuesday on a visit aimed at boosting U.S. security and trade ties with Indonesia, and using the most populous Muslim nation to reach out to the wider Islamic world.

Indonesia — an emerging economic power but also a country where U.S.-backed military and police still stifle dissent — is an important destination for Obama for a variety of strategic and personal reasons, aides said. Its importance as a U.S. ally is on the rise, even if the joy over Obama's election has faded since he became president almost two years ago.

Occasionally, even Ms.NBC gets it right. We never know when we might need an ally who still believes in stifling dissent.

PS: Don’t miss Fausta’s take on Big Guy’s Parliamentary message! What India needs: more bureaucrats, or something.