Saturday, August 25, 2012

Thin Skin and in the Game

Oh for Pete’s sake, can we get any more thin skinned around here?

  howdy messina

The following message brought to you by Howdy Messina

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Friend --

Mitt Romney, the Republican nominee for president of the United States, just said this:

"No one has ever asked to see my birth certificate. They know that this is the place that we were born and raised."

Take a moment or two to think about that, what he's actually saying, and what it says about Mitt Romney.

Then make a donation of $5 or more to re-elect Barack Obama today:



Jim Messina
Campaign Manager
Obama for America

Paid for by Obama for America

Contributions or gifts to Obama for America are not tax deductible.

“Take a moment to think about that?” I’m not so sure that’s a good idea, Howdy.

I mean, now we’re getting upset about a birth certificate joke? After we’ve all heard Big Guy make birth certificate jokes himself?  I guess it’s like the n-word that dare not speak it’s name: “I can tell birth certificate jokes (without being a racist birther), butt don’t you dare even think about telling birth certificate jokes (because that would make you a racist birther).”

All I’m going to say is that Big Guy may have been complicit in the the “genesis” of this controversy. After all, he’s the one who wrote two composite autobiographies chocked full of composite characters, composite childhood memories and composite “girlfriends.”  Is it really such a stretch for people to assume that he likewise created a “composite” birth certificate?

birth certificate white-house-pdf-layers-640_s640x415The making of an American president

Oh, and by the way, In case you’ve forgotten, Big Guy is a little thin skinned about other things as well, so let’s not go there.

bo ears“I said, don’t talk about my ears.”

And speaking of birth certificates, mine indicates that today is my official birth day. I know, I know: that’s not what I have listed on my Facebook. Butt nobody puts their real information up of Facebook, do they?

So I’m taking the rest of the day off to play. The rest of you should go enjoy the weekend as well. We’ll need our schtrength for the next 70 days of Occupation.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and DeniseVB on The Crawdad Hole, and  AnnieLaurie76 on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and  Robert L. Gschwind on facebook, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Friday, August 24, 2012

Obama’s “Dead Cat Bounce”

Have you seen this analysis of state-by-state factors determining the outcome of the November 6th election? Apparently the University of Colorado has been doing this Presidential analysis since the run up to the 1980 election; and they’ve never been wrong!?!

A University of Colorado analysis of state-by-state factors leading to the Electoral College selection of every U.S. president since 1980 forecasts that the 2012 winner will be Mitt Romney.

They’re predicting what? They’re predicting Big Guy will be…defeated!?! By a Mormon!! Not that there’s anything wrong with that – being a Mormon I mean. Butt Team Obama losing? I guess that means Team O will be spending a lot more time and money clarifying just exactly how risky it would be to elect a MORMON to the Presidency. Like I said, not that there’s anything wrong with that; butt do we really need any more sister wives in the Big White?


Anyway, I think Team Romney might be smarter than previous R-word teams: they declined to assist in their own demise by refusing to participate in the lynching.

NBC requested an interview with Romney weeks ago but was denied. It tried again on Monday after it seemed the Republican was becoming more open to talk about his faith.

Hartman said Wednesday many Americans know little about the church even though one of its members is on the eve of becoming the first Mormon nominated by a major political party to run for president of the United States.

Among other topics, the show will look at why so many Mormons succeed in business.

Our lap dogs are not accustomed to this lack of cooperation. Can they do that? Play the same game we do?

romney take it back to chicagoTeam Romney, getting dirty

Butt don’t ruin your weekend worrying too much about that Colorado analysis; they failed to include a very important variable in their analysis. And that’s the effect of our all-out voter fraud registration drive to register all of the dead people and cats we can between now and the deadline. I cannot emphasize enough the impact that this is expected to have in all of those swing states.

Internally this is referred to as “The Dead Cat Bounce” and we’re pretty confident we’re going to get it.

And speaking of dead cats, here’s another one we recycled from earlier in our first, historic  term:

      mo purple michelle-obama-17mo sikh2

Visiting the DOJ, June 2010, left; right, visiting Sikh temple in Wisconsin (swing state) August 23, 2012.

You probably think this is a meaningless gesture of frugality during campaign season. Butt let’s be honest, that would be too little too late anyway. Actually this is simply Lady M playing out one of her superstitious rituals. She thinks if she wears each of the outfits that the press has swooned over in the past she will be able to ensure another “WIN” for the O-Team! And squeeze in a few more cover shoots before our Occupation ends.

Unfortunately some of these “repeaters” fit us better than others.  I’d have to put this one in the “others” column. And since I did my best with the refractions the first time around, there’s not much else I can do to help out. This is as good as it gets folks, get used to it.

mo sikh3Lower quadrant containment system showing signs of stress fractures

   mo misplaced_falsie_and_cleavage_liner[3]mo sikh55

Upper body bodice reinforcement not “holding up” a whole lot better

We added the bolero mini-me to hide the poorly constructed darts that you were all so (rightly) concerned about when the frock debuted (or is that debutted?) in 2010, butt it looks like we still have issues.

On another campaign front, we’re still running strong on our class warfare platform.

…with the rollout of Romney's vice presidential pick, Obama has focused more in recent days on the policy implications of the Republican ticket, saying a GOP victory would be disastrous for working class and low-income Americans.

And that would be because, as we all know, Romney is part of that greedy, hated 1%.

The latest messaging blitz from Obama will augment his portrayal of Romney as an out-of-touch businessman who keeps his money sheltered in overseas tax havens.

important issues(h/t: Full Metal Spanx)

Do you know what it takes to get into the 1% club? An annual salary of at least $343,000. And looky-here who has “earned” membership in that elite club:

  • Gerald McEntee (President, American Federation of State, County & Municipal Employees) $512,489
  • Randi Weingarten (President, American Federation of Teachers) $493,859
  • Dennis Van Roekel (President, National Education Association) $460,060,
  • James P. Hoffa, Jr.(President, International Brotherhood of Teamsters) $372,489,
  • Joseph Hansen (President, United Food and Commercial Workers) $361,124 .

Also within strike zone of the 1%:

  • Harold Schaitberger (President, International Association of Fire Fighters) $323,000,
  • Richard Trumka (President, AFL-CIO) $294,000
  • Mary Kay Henry (President, SEIU) $290,000.

Don’t feel bad for Dicky Trumka, leader of the largest union in the country. Although he appears on the the lower end of the common man’s 1 percenters: that’s just what he has to report to the IRS.

Butt don’t tell the 99% about any of this; they still think we’re on their side. I guess it depends on what you mean by “our side.”

All this means that AFL-CIO and SEIU members have themselves become enormous profit centers for the union bosses who control them. When the banks do it, it’s called Wall Street greed at its worst. When the Big Labor does it, it’s simply working the union way.


Can you say “Predatory Banking Practices?”

aflcio card

Yep. I’m thinking  “dead fat-cat bounce” – that would come in real handy right about now.

Linked By: ZillaStevenson on twitter, and Mireille Buser on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Thursday, August 23, 2012

The Anarchist Diary

Dear Diary,

Yesterday we spent sacrificing in Florida. And by sacrificin’ I mean we wore recycled. This little number, coincidentally, made it’s debut in Florida back in 2009 when MO addressed a crowd at Miami-Dade College. She accompanied it with her J.Crew sweater to keep it real.

First Lady Michelle Obama Visits Miami Dade EJoeZKg6EQVl

Its next appearance was in the famous 2010 “Umbrellas of New Orleans” series, sans sweater in order to show it off to its full advantage.

mo new orleans and , uh, hindquarters

obama-umbrella(I would have used this one again, butt it really highlights Big Guy’s skills more than Lady M’s)

And now, here we are, back again with a new mini-me sweater in the same off-lavender shade as the original J. Crew, this time with matching slippers. I told Lady M the first time around that this color doesn’t photograph well with all the bright colors in the frock, especially the purple, butt did she listen to me?

FL  Fl-michelle-obama-campaign-florida06

No. I’ve noticed over these past few years that both of the Wons think they perceive things a whole lot better than they actually do.

you didn't build that bo

And you can’t tell either won of them anything.


Butt Lady M’s remarks hit it out of the park in Fort Lauderdale. She covered every special interest group and hot button there is out there. At one point she told  women:

"Make sure that you tell people that your president believes that women should be able to make our own choices about our health care."

I’ve no idea how that concept gibes with the Death Panels. Or as Sun Sentinel commenter “Fishearter” asks with regard to “choices:”

“ Is that really what you think they'll get from a 15 member board of non-medical bureaucrats now led by a nurse, Moochelle? Yep, Dr. Donald "Rationed Care" Berwick, the healthcare czar, was just replaced by a nurse. I guess later she'll be replaced by a mid-wife and eventually by Joe the plumber.

Meanwhile, cross country, Big Guy entered a spelling bee at Ohio State University yesterday, putting up very few points for either himself or the school:

Dyslexic in OhioBO and 3 potential Ohio State graduates demonstrate the epidemic of dyslexia sweeping the country… “O-I-H-I”  - or maybe that’s the entry code for one of those secret trap doors?

Maybe they were just trying to help Big Guy get more of those “I’s” in “Obama” that he likes so much. The right wingnutz were having a field day as you might imagine. The smarty pants Twitchy reported, “Obama finally discovered one of those missing seven states.” Ha ha. Very funny. Of course our lapdogs did everything possible to cover the gaffe, immediately putting out word that it was the work of right wing terrorists using their evil powers of Photoshop.

Even an experienced journolist like Senior White House Correspondent Jake Tapper jumped on that meme


before pulling his Tweet. Butt not before screen-grabs appeared, thereby proving the very point he had made to Laura Ingraham just the day before about the media being in the bag for BO in ‘08. All of which probably explains this unexpected phenomenon as well: media companies donations tilt heavily to Big Guy. Goodness, who could have called that one?

obama tiltChart3

So, aside from that little dyslexic episode in Columbus I think we can say things are coming along quite well. Apparently we’ve even lined up some of the old Occupiers for a return engagement in Tampa. And once again, the press is playing along, calling them “anarchists” so that nobody will connect them directly with the Occupiers, who we warmly embraced before we tepidly stepped away as the entire movement turned into a pile of manure.

Or maybe the media doesn’t know as much about anarchists as they should. Or socialists, either, for that matter.


Smells like Socialism to me.


Butt I guess calling the thugs socialists would give them a bad name. Thugs, I mean.

My only question: how are they going to pin this one on that dangerous radical Tea Party?


Oh wait! I think I get it now!


They’ve always been a seditious lot. The Tea Party I mean.

Linked By: AnnieLaurie76 on twitter, and  BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

A Big Blow Headed for Tampa

Who knows exactly what our crazy old uncle has up his sleeve?

joey the bee

The only thing I know for sure is it’s not his sleeve. 

As far as I’ve been able to determine this is Val Jar’s idea, although it looks like she’s working in concert with the rest of the handlers. I’m not clear on the particulars, butt it sounds like a nefarious update on the old Dirty Tricks strategy. You know; create a rumble of some sort – I’m hesitant to say what sort, butt if you read the comments on Ulsterman’s WHI report you’ll get the gist of it – then blame it on the other side.

And the RNC in Tampa is the perfect locale for such a gambit, hence the announcement of the Joey Unleashed Tour.

hey joe where'd you get that smileI hear there’s a Big Blow headed for Tampa next week.

Here’s the buzz: Big Guy’s handlers - and by that I mean Big Unions - are willing to do anything to prevent a  changing of the guard at the Big White. And his other handlers - and by that I mean Crony Capitalists and Progressive Socialists (butt I repeat myself) United - are likewise inclined to ensure that there is no changing of the guard at the gates of the Federal Treasury.

bo and joeyMeet the Gatekeepers

So they hatched this plan as a twofer: it will create sympathy for Big Guy, blow back against Big Guy’s enemies and if everything goes according to plan, it could give Joey a legitimate reason to decide to spend more time with his family after a most unfortunate mishap. I guess I should note that Joey is not technically considered one of the guards at the gate; he’s more of a trip wire. That’s already been tripped.

joey b

So, don’t be concerned if Joey’s antics in Tampa attract a bunch of “thugs” dressed up and advertising themselves as Tea Party enthusiasts. They will really be the usual anarchists and occupiers, making mischief, creating mayhem, threatening the peace and otherwise breaking the law.


What could go wrong? Joey’s all over it.

put em up“Yep, I’ve got it boss, Chicago style: “You bring a knife I’ll bring my fists.”

Seriously, this may be too hot for even me to handle. While normally I’d dismiss such crazy talk out of hand, I’m forced to remember who I’m dealing with here. I’ve seen it before: desperate politicos make for mighty desperate desperados.

valerie-jarrett-obama“When I count to 5, open your eyes and your super powers will have returned.”

And it’s not as if we have anything else to run on, despite Joey’s braggadocio yesterday about creating 200,000 “brand new good paying jobs.” I guess most people are still focused on the millions of old good paying jobs that Big Guy and Joe wiped out. So I guess they figure they might as well give this harebrained scheme a go.

The handlers just want to find a way for Joey to step aside with dignity: to allow him to get back into his comfort zone: the train station.

joebiden station

They think it’s time to give someone with a little more gravitas a shot at the Veep slot. Preferably an old white guy with some experience. Someone who is, obviously, more interested in saving the Democratic party than his wife is.

some man time“Just think about it Joe. You could play with your toy trains all day long. And Bubba here said he’d be glad to help out.”

Maybe we’d all be better off if that happens.

joe biden home depot

“Hi! Are you finding everything you’re looking for?”

On the other hand this could all be a red herring, intended to get the RNC types sounding all hysterical and crazy. Either way, as WHI noted in his Ulsterman communiqué, things are getting dangerous and scary out there which is why I’ve not been able to make contact with my mole over at Justice. I tweeted him this morning for some insight, butt all I got back was “Not now.”

I’ll keep you apprised.

Linked By: Thor Hammerhead on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

When Big Guy told the Press Corpse at his Pop Up Presser yesterday that he didn’t call Romney a felon he was technically correct: he didn’t call Romney a felon himself: somebody else did that for him.

I guess what he actually said  was that “nobody accused Romney of being a felon.”

Meet Nobody:

abc_this_week_stephanie_cutter_jt_120819_wblogNobody Cutter, deputy campaign manager, Team Obama, on ABC’s This Weekend.

“Either Mitt Romney, through his own words and his own signature, was misrepresenting his position at Bain to the SEC, which is a felony,” or he was misrepresenting his position at Bain to the American people to avoid responsibility for some of the consequences of his investments.”

I’m sure you’ve already heard this story: Finding a way to smear Romney was an important job for Team Obama and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody would do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done. (h/t: Abbott & Costello)

Surprisingly, that wasn’t even the big news coming out of Big Guy’s Pop Up Presser; this was:

News only because most people learn that you get “called into account” for “just making stuff up” by the 3rd or 4th grade. Otherwise, they learn it much later in rehab. Butt Bo didn’t learn it until he was President? That is surprising! Most of his opponents accuse him of not doing learning at all.

Enough, however, about Big Guy. I know what you’re really interested in is how Lady M’s Healthy Eating Lunch went.

mo blue on bluegreenMichelle%20Obama%20pink%20shoes%20green%20dress

At least we didn’t wear our pink Cinderella pumps like we did at the 2010 Medal of Honor ceremony when the lovely blue/green morning glory frock debuted. They really would’ve clashed with the shower curtain in the background.

It was a lovely luncheon. The guests included the winners of Lady M’s “Kid’s Healthy Recipes” contests from 54 states. I know, I know: “what happened to the other 3 states MOTUS?” I’m not sure butt I guess there must be too much red meat in the food chain in Texas, Nebraska and Kansas to produce much healthy eating.

michael%20Lakind_0Michael’s salad recipe won him a spot at the table, butt he tells reporter steak is his favorite food.

And guess what!? Big Guy did another one of his famous Pop Up Appearances at the luncheon too! I guess he really does need every youth vote he can get.

bo mo classic faces“Be sure you all register to vote on your way out. And don’t forget to register your little dog too.”

For his part Big Guy warned the group not to spill anything on the floor:

“I only have one request for you, and that is try not to drop any scraps on the floor, because Bo is on a diet right now, and he will eat anything that he sees, especially some of the tasty meals that you guys have prepared.”

There he goes again, “making stuff up.” The truth is Little Bo is losing weight because he refuses to eat all the “delicious” “scraps” that people around here keep “dropping” on the floor right after someone squeals “Eeuuuu! What is this crap? I wouldn’t feed that to the dog!”

Don’t worry, I’m still looking out for Little Bo. He shows up at my little bunker every evening for his ration of Slim Jims, Snausages and Little Debbies.

As for the luncheon, all I can say is they all knew what they were getting themselves into. It’s not as if it was hailed as a “delicious eating lunch” so nobody should have been surprised about the kale “chips”

kale chips mmm mmm mmm

sauerkraut “sloppy joes” and zucchini “fries”

cabbage sloppy joes

You’re kidding, right? Even the journolists had a little fun with this crap:

First Lady Michelle Obama served a healthy meal to kids today, attending the official “Kids’ State Dinner.” The event was held at the White House to promote the First Lady’s “Lets Move” anti-obesity initiative.

Here is the menu, which was composted of winning recipes submitted by children for the contest. (via the pool report)

I’m not sure if that’s a typo or an editorial comment on Lady M’s anti-obesity initiative.

We also had our dinner date last night with the lucky (and diverse)

mintwoodBlack couple, check. White couple, check. Hispanic couple, check. OK, good to go.

winners of Big Guy’s billions of campaign contributors. Butt I’m a little tired of talking about food in the same context as other icky things so that will have to wait for another day.

PS: Don’t forget to vote for Baby Wyatt!

Linked By: Fausta’s Blog, and AnnieLaurie76 on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Tuesday Aww-some Appeal

So, while my regular post is still in the oven, I thought I’d try to get you into the “voting” spirit with a little appeal. One of my facebook friends, Cassy Chesser, is trying to win a Cover Model Contest at Coastal Carolina Parent Magazine for her son Wyatt:

Wyatt Chesser

You have to have a facebook account to play. Here’s Team-Wyatt’s request:

Help us get Wyatt on the cover of a magazine! All you have to do is like his picture AND the Coastal Carolina Parent Magazine page. If you don't like BOTH, then the vote won't count! (Both links are below.)
It would really mean a lot to get Wyatt on the cover, not just because he's my son, but also because it would be amazing to have a baby with Down syndrome on the cover!
So please, help us out and get us the most votes! Right now, we're behind about 100 votes so make sure to go over there and vote...

Team Wyatt, and then share this with your friends!

  1. “Like” Wyatt’s photo here, AND
  2. “Like” Coastal Carolina Parent Magazine here.

Remember, you have to “Like” both Wyatt’s photo AND the Magazine. I did and I hope you will too. What a cutie pie!

Monday, August 20, 2012

It’s not the Quantity, it’s the Equality

Things are a little tense around here today. Lady M is hosting the “Mrs. Obama’s Healthy Lunchtime Challenge” at noon today, and that means no Wagu sliders, fries or milkshakes until “tea” time later this afternoon.

And speaking of “tee” time, not only did Big Guy not get to go golfing yesterday, butt he had to get dressed up and go to church with the family. It’s the one part of campaigning he doesn’t like.

bo family church time

And it looks like he’s not the only one.

For her sacrifice, Lady M wore recycled. This one is an oldie that we originally wore on our South American wine tour in 2011. Chile to be exact, with one of our signature squirting flower brooches.

moisthiscrochet4 moblue26

I reported on its debut in Stemless at the Stern. It was one of my most popular posts and covered everything from beach umbrellas to stemware and the proper grip thereof. Of course much of the discussion revolved around Lady M’s unique blue dress that seemed to take it’s inspiration from the Barbie crochet collection.


                  obama churchScreenshot Studio capture #032

As did several other outfits MO sported on that trip:

barbieeverybodieshappy4leaving riocrochetrainbowdolltopfront2


*sigh* Looking back at those happy times makes me long for the good old days when we had more time to vacation and didn’t have to campaign all the time. It’s probably just because it’s the end of August and I’ve grown accustomed to spending these end of summer days playing poker and smoking cigars with the Secret Service guys up on Martha’s Vineyard.

Butt I’m not complaining; I know that this election isn’t really about me – or you - at all.


It’s really about America’s trajectory.

So, we’ll be hitting the campaign trail again this week. And I understand that our current plan is to go small: after all it isn’t the quantity that counts, it’s the equality, right? So we don’t need huge rallies any more, as long as the people who do show up can register at least 1-5000 additional people, cats and dogs – living and dead –to vote the BO-Joe (?) ticket.

And for the record, our current “go-small” plan has nothing to do with the “Ryan Effect” or the fact that we can’t even manage to fill up a decent sized cul-de-sac anymore.

bo small crowd

Anyway, we’ve got a lot of work to do between now and November 6. Just in case it’s really really about the quantity after all.


Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and AnnieLaurie76 on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and Guest of Intrigue on The Lunatic Outpost,Thanks!