Saturday, April 2, 2011

Budget Busters

Thank goodness! We’ve finally moved on from that little Libya diversion by turning control over to NATO ‘R US. And just like that, the MSM has dropped that hot potato from their power rotation. Soon it will be just a faint, uncertain memory like Afghanistan, Iraq and closing GITMO.


So that leaves us free to focus on more pressing problems like fund raisers and maybe even squeeze in a round of golf. Oh yes, and the budget.

Our little people will be busy working on the that.

Here’s a quick update.  We have a proposed “budget” that runs a one and half trillion dollar deficit (this year; 20 trillion dollars by 2020), and the R-words are proposing a 61 billion dollar reduction, which the DMC has instructed their members to refer to as “radical” and “extreme.” We’re willing to go halfsies with them, and kick in 33 billion dollars, butt it’s never enough with the R-words.

Hmmm, a $1.5 trillion budget deficit or a $61 billion cut.  In a multiple choice test, which one would you choose as “radical,” which as “extreme” and which as “nowhere near enough, you gutless morons?” This is really hard. No wonder Congress hasn’t been able to pass a budget yet.

To emphasize just how radical and extreme these proposed cuts really are, Big Guy sent our representative from USAID to testify to Congress that these budget cuts would kill 70,000 children.

“We estimate, and I believe these are very conservative estimates, that H.R. 1 would lead to 70,000 kids dying,” USAID Administrator Rajiv Shah testified before the House Appropriations State and Foreign Ops subcommittee.

Killing children. That seems extreme. Let’s ask Planned Parenthood.


I wonder if Congress could do what everyone else does when faced with an income shortfall: make choices between “essential” and “discretionary?” We might have to hold a seminar on how that works.

In the mean time, maybe this will help Congress execute one of their primary responsibilities. Here are a few “investments” in Wining The Future that we can perhaps do without:

  • Cowboy Poetry Festival cuts, not extreme
  • NPR, PBS and CPB cuts, not radical
  • switch grass for ethanol subsidies, not extreme
  • Midnight basketball cuts, not radical
  • Arts funding cuts, not extreme
  • Bridges to nowhere, not radical
  • Fewer Oversees vacations diplomatic missions for POTUS, FLOTUS, FGOTUS, FWWOTUS & MOTUS, WAY SO extreme

This whole talk of government shutdown is unfortunate, because it didn’t have to come to this. We missed our chance last fall, when the budget was originally due. Big Guy’s team still controlled everything and they could have passed their own bloated budget then. Butt in the spirit of bipartisanship they decided to wait until after the midterms in order to spread the blame around.

Now things are getting very tense, and there’s even a rumor of hunger strikes breaking out across the country to protest such radically extreme budget cuts that could kill not only children, butt our barely recovering economy as well. As Big Guy told a National Clean Fleets Partnership at a UPS shipping facility yesterday:

"If these budget negotiations break down, we could end up having to shut down the government, just at a time when the economy is starting to recover,"


UPS facilitiessignature run up stairs

Bounding towards WTF in Landover, MD on Friday

We’ll be WTF by investing in Clean Fleets, shutting down domestic drilling, coal plants and, now, nuclear too. Maybe cutting those switch grass subsidies is a little premature.

And make no mistake, WTF requires us to get re-elected in 2012, so we’ll be hitting the fundraising trail more and more. I’ve had a lot of email about what was on the menu at Big Guy’s $30,400 per plate  dinner at the Red Rooster restaurant in Harlem last week. So, here’s the scoop: the dinner raised $1.5 million for the DNC, and was prepared by by one of the Big White’s favorite celebrity chefs: Marcus Samuelsson.

12be83ae-5a89-11e0-8367-00144feab49a  Marcus Samuelsson’s “wildly popular” new Harlem restaurant


Did I mention that Marcus was raised in Sweden?

Inside the Red Rooster



The $30,400 per plate menu:

Cornbread, honey butter

asparagus, peas, hot biscuit

Hermann J. Wiemer Riesling "Semi-Dry" 2008
Finger Lakes, New York

honey-glazed chokes, spring onions, red wine reduction

Brown Estate "Chaos Theory" 2009
Napa Valley, California

rhubarb compote, buttermilk sherbert

Ridge Geyersville "Essence" 2007
Sonoma County, California

cinnamon, brown sugar



Whew! That sounds like both a belly and a budget buster.

RETHINKBig Guy castes a long shadow at the Clean Fleet meet

Friday, April 1, 2011

Unprecedented Pinch Hitting

Do you remember back in January, 2008, when Hillary was still a leading contender for President, and El Rushbo asked this indelicate question?

"Do we really want to sit here and watch a female president age every day before our eyes?"

Clinton 2008






To be fair, he was probably just asking what many people were wondering after Drudge published the worst-picture-of-any-candidate-ever of an exhausted looking Hil on the campaign trail.

Sexist as it was, it turns out he might have had a point. Even though Hil had things “tightened up” a bit before taking on the responsibilities of Big Guy’s secretary, and tweaked a bit more before Chelsea’s wedding (Is she still married by the way? I can’t keep up with kids these days.), as we all know, these little efforts don’t last forever.


It’s also a well known fact that being president ages you very quickly. And you can really see the toll It’s taken over the past few weeks since Hillary has taken of the role of de facto president:

 3 am 03/31/11

3 ten

Maybe when Hil’s done handling this Middle-east mess I should give her the names and contact numbers for some of our highly skilled Big White kinetic medical artists.

I don’t want her to take it the wrong way, but really, look what these skilled technicians have done for Lady M:


I know we’re dealing with a 15 year age gap here, butt seriously – these people are such miracle workers that sometimes I even suffer  a little job insecurity.

Butt still, we can’t escape the fact that this type of coverage is sexist, pure and simple. Do you hear anyone making fun of the way Big Guy is aging? Au contraire, they say he hasn’t aged a day since he got here. In fact, I think he may actually look younger.


Everyone asks “How does he do it?” I think it’s just like you read in the magazines: he tries to maintain a healthy work/family life balance.


Feb. 1, 2009
“During a Super Bowl watching party in the White House theatre, the President and First Lady join their guests in watching one of the TV commercials in 3D.”
(Official White House photo by Pete Souza)

This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House.

And I can tell you that he’s mastered the art of letting things roll off his back.

morton salt girl Like a duck

Take what happened yesterday with the Washington Nationals for example. Instead of inviting Big Guy to throw out the ceremonial first pitch at their seasonal opener, they had five flag officers representing each branch of the military carry out that honor. It was sheer pandemonium – 5 pitches flying over the plate. Still, I’m betting it was easier on the catcher than trying to get one of Big Guy’s infamous “high and wide” dirt balls.

Butt that’s not the point. You just don’t diss the Commander in Chief like that during war kinetic military action time. And we still haven’t determined if this sleight was due to Big Guy’s falling poll numbers or his, uh…girlie pitching style.

I’m betting it was the later, as I overheard some talk that Big Guy might be a better catcher than pitcher, but that idea was apparently not considered viable since it was immediately kiboshed. I really don’t know what to think, so I’ll just report, and you decide.


Butt with Hill pinch hitting now, maybe Big Guy will have some time to spend on the budget deficit before the government has to shut down.

And if he’d brought Hil in from the bullpen a little earlier, he might have had a little more time to spend on his brackets. Then he could  have rooted for his own teams this weekend, while  balancing his work/family life.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Women’s History: “I Have a Plan”

Good news on the Lady M front: she has completely recovered from that “South of the border” feeling and was able to get out and about again yesterday. First, we participated in Women’s History Month at  Ballou High School where we mentored women of color on the importance of goals.

Lady M met with a group of young girls to "share her experiences…and encourage them to strive for excellence while pursuing their career goals."

Since it’s spring in D.C. we wore one of our our recycled, special springy frocks:

mentoring at Ballou hs

This ensemble was last seen in 2009, (for good reasons)

 First Lady Michelle Obama and Queen Silvia of Sweden meet in the Yellow Oval Room of the White House, Oct. 23, 2009. (Official White House Photo by Samantha Appleton)

This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House

Our skirt lining back then was giving us a bit of trouble when we sat down. But we loved it anyway and wore it again later that day for an event to celebrate Breast Cancer Awareness, with one of our all time favorite boob belts:


And a new wonder bra that we’ve subsequently retired.

As for the mentoring and motivating part, Lady M brought along some great role models – actresses!  Butt she did, personally, tell the girls to get their act together. She told them that before they borrowed a ton of money to go to an Ivy League college (like she did) they “needed to have a plan and think about what kind of job training they need for the career they want.” And she added that it’s important to have goals: something that many of  the Wons’ friends learned in rehab.

Take Lady M for example. If your goal is to be the FLOTUS who ends childhood obesity in one generation, you need to plan well ahead:

First, get a law degree from an Ivy League college, which you’ll use for a few years at a big law firm, where you’ll meet and marry a charismatic community organizer. Later, you’ll give up your law license for unspecified reasons, butt most likely because you just don’t need it any more. Then you’ll go to work in the Mayor’s office where you’ll  make “friends” with a lot of important movers and shakers. They will be able to arrange for your husband to get elected to State office and latter the U.S. Senate! 

By that time you’ll be asked to accept the awesome responsibilities (and equally awesome salary) of “Vice President for Community and External Affairs” at the University of Chicago Medical Center, where lawyers without licenses to practice are always in high demand. Here your job will primarily entail selling the community on the wisdom and economic benefits of the hospital’s implementation of an illegal patient dumping program. Meanwhile, your charismatic, messianic husband will be busy convincing the country that what they really need is a charismatic, messianic president to transform America.

So you see: goals are important.

Butt enough of our personal woman’s history. On to the special dinner and entertainment in the East Room last night in honor of Women’s History Month. It’s “the best night at the White House” as Lady M told our 160 female guests gathered for the “Remarkable Women in DC” Dinner. "We do a lot of stuff at the White House, so that's pretty big,"


saddle bags…but not quite big enough

Among the remarkable women invited to dinner to inspire and motivate ordinary girls was Vanessa Minnello:

actress  Vanessa Minnillo

actress  Vanessa MinnilloWow! Look at the size of those stilettos: that is remarkable!

Here are some of our other remarkable celebrity guests:

alfre woodward

actress Alfre Woodward









remarkable mentoring

Actress Hillary Swank,

actress traciactress  Traci Ellis Ross

ali wentworth actresscommediene

actress Ali Wentworth

recording artist LedisiLedisi 


definately remarkable

And the totally  re-groomed actress Geena Davis; remarkable! Did you know she used to be POTUS? Just for one season, though.

I wonder where all the entertainers learned about the importance of goals?

Still, not a single one of them could hold a candle to our very own FLOTUS.


Who is most definitely remarkable. Because she has goals. And a plan.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

My African Brotha: Dismissive & Derisive (!?!)



“That’s not off the rack, is it?”

If you think that Big Guy’s new STFU Middle East policy hasn’t cost him dearly, you’d be wrong. Some of his former best friends forever have turned on him. And I’m talking some very high level, high class, radical terrorist BFF’s. So that hurts.

Let’s do this in chronological order.

Our good friend of freedom in South America, Hugo Chavez, mocked Big Guy in a friendly sort of way on March 22, saying that a Noble prize winner shouldn’t launch a kinetic military action against a peaceful dictator like his other good friend, Muammar Qaddafi.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should report that Chavez is a declared ally of Gadhafi, who honored the Venezuelan leader in 2004 with his Al-Gadhafi International Prize for Human Rights, an honor he shares with Fidel Castro (1998), Evo Morales (2006) and Daniel Ortega (2009).” So maybe that explains it.

Then last week Louis Farrakhan went native on us:

"Why don't you organize a group of respected Americans and ask for a meeting with Khadafy? You can't order him to step down and get out, who the hell do you think you are?"

I don’t want you to think I’m over-reacting or anything, so you can read the whole interview here if you want. Or you might still be able to watch, if it’s still up on youtube. I would recommend you wear your special “Calypso Louie” slicker if you do choose to watch, and skip ahead to the 7:00 mark where he loads up on Big Guy.

Louis, leader of the Nation of Islam, isn’t the only national leader who has ganged up against Big Guy. Also standing in solidarity with Qaddafi are Bolivia's Evo Morales, Cuba’s brothers Castro and (natch)Venezuela's Hugo Chavez.

And then, of course, Bill Ayers fired a shot across our bow last Thursday because, apparently, he’s not happy with our KMA either. Now, some might consider Billy’s crack about being the real author of “Dreams From My Father” just a little joke from this merry prankster. Butt I knew Bill Ayers, and I can tell you: Bill Ayers may be a prankster, butt there’s nothing “merry” about him. I think we better take this for the threat it is. He intends to spill the beans if Big Guy continues to beat the drum of kinetic military action.

Butt man – here’s one that nobody saw coming!

Did you?  Malik Zulu Shabazz, the National Chairman of the Black Panthers ("the largest organized anti-Semitic and racist black militant group in America")  and proud member of Louis Farrakhan’s equally anti-Semitic  Nation of Islam went Roman on us.

In case you don’t have time, or just don’t feel like watching this idiot former BBFF, I’ve excerpted the pertinent part. He calls Big Guy a traitor (!) who:

represents the CIA set-up sabotage lie on an African leader and bomb [sic] that man like he’s George Bush … And his wife should leave the n***er tonight. She should walk out, and his beautiful daughters should walk out on this bamboozling, buck-dancing Tom. Oh yeah, I said it. We’ve held back on this Negro for a long time … You should have listened to Louis Farrakhan a long time ago when you were at his table.

Let’s start here: Lady M isn’t going anywhere. She still has a touch of something we picked up in El Salvador. Second, Louis Farrakhan has atrocious table manners. And third, don’t think that Ricky Holder can’t reopen that Black Panther voter intimidation investigation any time “he” wants to. We know where you are Malik Zulu Shabazz. And by the way, the Zulu’s are Christian, you Nation of Islam moron.

Anyway, after all of the friendly fire from the left, Lady M’s decided she’s not going to team up with Hugo to fight obesity world-wide after all. So I’m having a clearance on these posters that we had made up before Hugo shafted Big Guy. Let me know if you want one, they’re really cheap.


Note: this post wins this week’s prize for the most different spellings of Qaddaffi,Gadhafi, Kahdafy in one post. Butt it’s not a record.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The New Obama Doctrine: Collect the Complete Set

Welcome PAJAMASMEDIA Readers!

Once upon a time, In his book "The Audacity of Hope," Big Guy (allegedly) wrote that "without a well-articulated strategy that the public supports and the world understands"  U.S. military action would lack international legitimacy.

So last night he made a speech intended to give a well-articulated strategy for our military action in Libya in order to garner public support both at home and around the world. Big Guy has always been one to take good advice from people who know what they’re talking about: in this case, Bill Ayers.


The speech was designed to respond to all criticisms. Butt just between you and me, Big Guy was just a little ticked off that people expected him to explain the decision he made - 10 days ago, already - to bomb Libya. Isn’t it obvious that he was attempting to encourage regime change  avoid a slaughter of the Libyan people and/or prevent a whole bunch of refugees from spilling over the border and causing problems elsewhere? Because we know what a problem that can create.


So BO highlighted the objectives of our latest kinetic humanitarian action involving heavy military equipment: beginning with the effective promotion of American values (freedom, democracy, blah, blah, blah) that we believe in when they prove to be useful to our means.

We imposed a no fly zone which was so effective that it was immediately escalated to include bombing specific on-ground targets. (Butt not Qaddafi, because while we may or may not be in favor of regime change, we don’t want to be the ones they’ve been waiting for to depose their tyrannical dictator. That’s no longer an American value. That was Bush’s war.) And U.N. Secretary Susan Rice just announced this morning that our no-fly zone mission might be expanded to include arming the rebels! How’s that for an exit strategy for a limited engagement? Almost as good as providing “advisors.”

And we also froze $30 billion of Qaddafi’s assets, which we’re going to give back to the Libyan people, less processing and handling, as calculated by the CBO. So far, they owe us another $25 billion.

autobodefinitely in the cat bird seat

So in summary: this is a historic, time-limited, scope-limited kinetic military action. And it’s really no different than providing humanitarian aid to earthquake, flood and hurricane victims. Butt we’re handing it off to NATO – did I mention that?

Most importantly, our limited KMA will prevent the dreaded domino effect that could spread to other countries like Syria, Yemen, Bahrain, and Iran. It’s what we do around here: avoid tumbling dominos with humanitarian relief. And fighter jets. And arms for the rebels. Butt not one drop of blood for oil (each gun will come with a list of terms and conditions).

And let me be clear: Big Guy, as leader of the free world, has decided to hand the mantle of our humanitarian kinetic military action off to NATO ‘R US on Wednesday. Or, as it turns out, some later date.

So there it is, the New Obama Doctrine: Suboptimal Transferable Future Unanimity.

if you’re collecting our Administration’s new acronyms, that’s STFU. Add it to WTF and KMA, to own the complete collection.

Linked By: Clarice Feldman @ PAJAMASMEDIA Thanks Clarice!

Monday, March 28, 2011

His Brackets Didn’t Cut the Mustard, Buttercup


Being president is an ego trip.[ed.!?!] So you would have thought President Obama wouldn’t need to add to his bragging rights. But Mr. Obama’s N.C.A.A. men’s basketball bracket stands — for the moment, anyway — as one of the best out there. NYTimes 3/19/11

On March 16, Big Guy picked his brackets on ESPN. His final four picks were Ohio State, Duke, Kansas and Pittsburgh.  So much for that. Here’s who beat his picks:

Kentucky, Connecticut, Butler and Virginia Commonwealth — the improbable, the implausible, the unthinkable and the downright unimaginable.

It wasn’t that long ago that people were saying the same thing about Big Guy getting elected to the presidency.

Anyway, I think we’ve found the locus of “multitasking meets the point of diminishing returns.”  For Big Guy, it’s clustered somewhere around “national reaction to earthquakes/ tsunamis/ nuclear meltdowns in Japan, South American wine tours, launching a new war in the Middle East and selecting your brackets.”   Even someone as awesomely talented and intelligent as Big Guy has limitations on how much they can effectively handle at once. Something was bound to suffer and, unfortunately, it was his brackets.

So now we know Big Guy’s limitations.


For the record, the oceans didn’t  start to recede either.

I think this unaccustomed failure sub-optimal achievement is beginning to get to Big Guy.



Big Guy,  right, at last Friday’s reception celebrating Greece’s independence. The smile: a bit too big, a bit too much gum showing, a bit too mirthless. The eyes: totally uninvolved.

The eyes don’t ‘lies.’


See? Here’s one where he’s feelin’ the love. Happy eyes.







I’m afraid that  Big Guy’s little people are letting him down. It appears that what we have here is a failure to communicate.

“Days, not weeks” apparently means months not days. The “limited mission” is about to be expanded.

BO’s contention in 2008 that:

“The President does not have power under the Constitution to unilaterally authorize a military attack in a situation that does not involve stopping an actual or imminent threat to the nation.”

now means we need the UN’s approval - not Congress’ - in order to make kinetic military action “constitutional.”

Hillary’s 2007 contention that

“If the administration believes that any -- any -- use of force against Iran is necessary, the President must come to Congress to seek that authority.”

apparently applied only to Iran. Although she did acknowledge that “… we would welcome congressional support.”  In the same way, I suppose, that Big Guy welcomed Republicans support for ObamaCare: nice, butt we didn’t really need it.

So now that Big Guy assured us in his Saturday radio address that we’re succeeding in our Libyan mission (no matter how you want to define it) and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates and Secretary of State Hill did such an excellent job of clarifying the situation on “This Week” with Jake Tapper, there’s really no need for BO to interrupt his (and our) schedule tonight after all. And he’s got bigger fish to fry.

It’s not all bad news though: there’s this upbeat report on Big Guy’s N.C.A.A. picks from the Hill:

Despite his bracket's recent downturn Obama remains in the 97th percentile of all brackets submitted on, though that figure dropped when the Jayhawks failed to make it to the Final Four.

There’s something reassuring about that: 100% wrong, butt you still get an “A” for effort. Is this a great country or what?

On the Lady M front: (She’s fine, just resting up. Thank you for asking.) None of you have yet taken credit for placing last Friday’s phone call to Rushbo. You may be interested to know that Mediaite was all over it:

In an ambiguously racially-tinged (and definitely cringe-worthy) conversation, the caller complained that she was “sick and tired of hearing about our First Lady and her fashion,” comparing the coverage to “The Emperor’s New Clothes” before taking several swipes at her personally– that Obama looked “like a lumberjack” and “a tub of mustard” when she wore yellow, and that “most of the reporters are just a bunch of kiss-butts.” “I’m sure your observations are shared by many,” Limbaugh added helpfully.

Reminder: special edition Golden Flotus to the first MO/YL/D to snark us into oblivion on Rushbo’s show

Pretty fair and balanced, considering the source. So, Laura in Bremerton, WA, all I can say is you are a great spokesman for the First Amendment. And a Great American! I just hope you’re one of us.


Our many shades of buttercup

ooh ooh ooh.....

Why do you build me up (Build me up)
Buttercup baby just to
let me down (Let me down)
And mess me around

Sunday, March 27, 2011

The Boy in the Bubble

A little traveling music: The Boy in the Bubble, Paul Simon

Ten days into the Libyan conflict, and only one more to go till we  get clarity from Big Guy on what he thinks we’re doing there. Poor TOTUS has been scrolling non-stop as speech writers continue to search for the right message.

Butt rest assured, we will get complete transparency on the mission come Monday. Just like we were promised.

from Hillbuzzobama20bubble20wraph/t Radio Patriot

Meanwhile, our ambassador-at-large, former President Jimmy Carter, has announced an upcoming trip to Havana "to learn about new economic policies and the upcoming (Communist) Party congress and to discuss ways to improve U.S.-Cuba relations."

Because we could really use some new economic policies.

carter-obama-minimefrom Moonbattery via iOTW

And while he’s there, maybe Jimmy could pick up some tips on transparency in government too. And health care. I understand their wonderful health plan is even better than Canada’s. Just ask Baby Joseph.

And on the Presidential 2012 front, I see that the Progs, suffering from Palin fatigue, have moved on to their new designated female bubble-head: Michelle Bachman.

The Atlantic thinks she has an “experience problem.” Which seems a bit sexist to me: they would never say that about a black man who had less experience than her.

The Boston Herald asks “Is Michelle Bachman the brightest bulb in the GOP race?and go on to make fun of her campaign to save us from green, curly-cue light bulbs:

She thinks both Obamas want to micromanage us (Michelle Obama pushing healthy foods and breast pump tax breaks) and take away all we hold dear (our sacred freedoms — and our incandescent light bulbs).

Yes, light bulbs.

Bachmann, who actually filed the Light Bulb Freedom of Choice act, has tapped into another issue Americans apparently feel quite passionate about: holding onto incandescents and steering clear of those curly-cue, energy efficient bulbs the government’s pushing us to buy. Who knew Bachmann’s Light Bulb Brigade would gain tremendous traction?

Again, sexist. I’ll bet no one would ever make fun of a black man who claimed we could solve the energy crisis by putting more air in car tires.

And I’ll bet that this other Michelle didn’t observe Earth Hour last night either.

lightsoff forEarthHourLights off at the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio for Earth Hour last night: thank goodness the Wons were here last week

ctr2…it wouldn’t have been the same without the lights.

Ignoring Earth Hour: right there, Bachman proves that she’s unqualified to be President. That, plus the fact she’s not a constitutional law professor. She was just a real, practicing, tax law attorney.

Although understanding Federal Tax Code takes away one of your biggest political loopholes.

timmy does he scare you toocharlie rangel2



Living inside protective bubble wrap makes survival quite a bit easier, but it makes it pretty hard to see what’s really inside.