Numero Uno, plus 84: That’s still #1 by Chicago Rules

I just want to give you a heads up on next week; it’s going to be very busy, so rest up this weekend. We have a lot we’re going to have to slog through.

Here’s the line-up:

Tuesday: Guinness Book of World Records will be in the House (South Lawn, technically) to document Lady M’s biggest ever Jumping Jack contest.

MO last seen jumping jacks in Harlem last November with wee members of the Police Athletic League. Before that, it was in Mexico where we combined it with an amateur levitation demonstration:

I don’t know, I’m a little wary of this event. The whole affair sounds like another…

All I can say is “God bless them for their spontaneity. It’s young, it’s spontaneous, it’s focused and it’s going to be effective.” I just hope it isn’t going to be as dirty and smelly as that spontaneous, young, focused and effective OWS flash mob.

Following the Herculean jumping jack feat, Lady M is going to show up later that evening to deliver the keynote at not one, butt two separate DNC fundraisers! So don’t anyone tell me that this woman isn’t the workhorse on this team.

 Equine jealousy on display

Then on Thursday, Lady M will be hosting yet another State Dinner: this one for the President and First Lady of the Republic of Korea. As if that in itself wouldn’t be enough to give most hostesses the vapors, MO will be spending most of the day before her big party entertaining the Republic of Korea's First Lady Kim Yoon-ok with the obligatory visit to a local high school musical. Sure, it’s a lot of extra effort, butt gauging by previous reactions, these events are always a big hit.

Svetlana Medvedeva enjoying a performance of Glee! with Lady M June, 2010

One last bit of news: when Big Guy heard that his favorite football team of all time, the championship 1985 Chicago Bears, got cheated out of their Big White Super Bowl Champion party due to the tragic Challenger explosion, he was determined to right this inequality. So, 25 years later, the team was feted in the Rose Garden yesterday for their long ago victory.

And as is traditional, they presented Big Guy with his very own Chicago Bears jersey. Unfortunately, the latest favorability poll results were released just prior to the celebration. As a result, the Bears jersey reflects a continuation of the falling numbers

that we first reported on just yesterday.

Big Guy with the 1985 Chicago Bears team:

Yay! You’re 85! And I’m #85! (and still falling)

Here’s BO posing with another group of has-beens; this one his (former) economic team.

Happier times: Say Cheese!

Chicago Rules in Play and We’re still # 12?

Boy, we really are playing by Chicago rules now: “They bring a knife, we bring …a nuclear bomb?”

Good work boys, now we can watch baseball

I guess we’re just going to have to find alternate weekend entertainment now that the filibuster bunker-buster has been dropped. I understand the baseball playoffs are on this weekend – and what’s more American than rooting for your favorite team?

I don’t know how Harry refusing to bring Big Guy’s JOBS JOBS JOBS bill, exactly as written, to the Senate floor is going to allow Big Guy to run the R-words out of town, butt I guess that’s the plan. I guess I don’t really understand politics all that well.

All I know is that Big Guy wasn’t very happy at his presser yesterday:

And who could blame him, with so many problems to deal with: tsunamis, bridges falling down, high speed rails not built, firefighters, teachers, police running out of Obama’s stash and facing layoffs, millionaires and billionaires not paying their fair share: who wouldn’t be pouty?

or, as AP (!) put it:

The overarching theme of Obama's news conference was frustration - on the part of Americans with Washington, and on his part with Congress. It fit with his campaign of late as he moves around the country raising money for his re-election and promoting his jobs plan on the home turf of Republican foes.

"We have a democracy, and right now John Boehner is the speaker of the House and Mitch McConnell is the Republican leader" in the Senate, Obama said. "And, you know, all I can do is make the best arguments and mobilize the American people so that they're responsive.”

Boy that last sentence - "And, you know, all I can do is make the best arguments and mobilize the American people so that they're responsive” - is troublesome. My English language pack warns there’s “an indeterminate, indirect object” in there that might lead to confusion. I guess because you can’t tell for sure if Big Guy wants the American people or Congress to be responsive. All you can tell for sure is he’s not happy with any of them right now because they’re ignoring his demands, thereby placing him in “personal peril” -politically speaking.

I’ll mention this little bit of obfuscation to Big Guy, because I know how strongly he feels about proper grammar. And transparency.

Anyway, Big Guy used the press conference to repeat all of the best points he’s made about a zillion times before and HOPEd that people would finally pay attention to this time – there’s a word for that, what is it?…oh yes, insanity.

I’m warning you, vote for my JOBS bill right away, or I’ll shoot!

To deflect from this spectacle, Lady M held a soccer camp on the South Lawn in hopes that the dailies would pick up on that important political story and downplay Big Guy’s snit at the presser, Fast and Furious, Solyndra, Occupy Wall Street, South Africa Travel-gate, and any other scandals brewing on the horizon.

 

    

Not exactly the Dougie, butt it really shows the slimming results of our recent purge. We’ve been working on a starvation plan in order to get down to fighting weight for what’s bound to be an all out brawl on the campaign trail. When Lady M’s willingness to sacrifice for her country to the point of giving up her snack pack, you know she’s personally invested in doing what’s best for her and Big Guy the party country.

As we all know, extreme circumstances call for extreme measures:

 

Campaign alert: cue the dog!

With our poll numbers slipping the way they have, we’re going to need all the heavy artillery we can muster. Look for the “baby on board” rumors to pick up again soon.

A chronological photo-journalism track record of our falling popularity in the polls:

 

 

Yesterday’s Rose Garden presentation of Big Guy’s jersey from the 2011 NCAA Championship Texas A&M University Women’s basketball team:

 

Yay! We’re number 12!

Bad news: 1- 11 are all R-words, some of whom aren’t even running.

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“Give ‘em Hell, Sarah!”

Good grief, the morons congregating across America under the banner of “Occupy Wall Street” seem to be multiplying like maggots in a trash can – which is not intended as a reflection on the likes of any of the OWS supporters such as Michael Moore, Susan Sarandon, Roseanne Barr, Morgan Freeman and Samuel L Jackson. Nor am I saying that all of them are or were crack addicts. Butt that would explain why they all seem to believe the government took down the World Trade Center buildings on purpose:

“How did building 7 come down? You tell me, my brother. It was thermite and explosives.”

Do these people not know how to Google? Or maybe they don’t know how to spell thermite? Or maybe they think that thermite is that lethal Kiwi yeast concoction that you either love or hate? 

 

Anyhoo, what did you expect to happen when a group of anarchists are unionized?

Unions united to screw the Man, man!

Same as always: an endless list of foolish demands followed by thuggery and ultimately - of course – violence; because after all we’re talking about anarchists. And unions. Butt wait, real anarchists aren’t joiners, while unions are all about joining…and paying dues. I would think this would cause far more than a small case of cognitive dissonance. Although this appears to be a concept alien to the group as well. At a minimum I would think the protestors in St. Louis, Salt Lake City, etc. would be confused since it’s not easy to “Occupy Wall Street” when you’re not in Gotham City.

Butt worse than the violence is the fact that all this was a distraction from the Lady M rehabilitation tour-de-force planned for yesterday. Beginning with her annual pandering showing at Secret Service headquarters:

Posing for the fans gathered for her appearance at the Secret Service building

 

"People always ask what it is like to have Secret Service around," Mrs. Obama said. "It's like having family around. ... We have a fight among our family over who's getting which people.

"Sasha will come in, it's like, 'You took Scott!'" Mrs. Obama said. "Malia's like, 'You took Scott? That's not fair!' And then I'll say the same thing to Barack. It's like, 'Why did you get Beth?' It's dinner table conversation."

Believe me, the Wons aren’t the only ones fighting “over who’s getting which people.” In fact, sometimes the SS agents resort to drawing straws to keep it fair.

The morning event was followed by a wardrobe change and the always popular fall garden harvest photo op in the Big White organic Garden of Good and Evil with a select group of local children representing America.

Give it up for the dwarf pumpkins!

That’s a red-hot pepper! On the left. I guess that’s still not definitive.

And as Granny Jan pointed out yesterday, MO sported some of the locally sourced caterpillars left over from her equally popular butterfly garden:

Butt trust me, they’re even more impressive after they hatch:

                 

Seriously, any other day all this would have been front page news world wide, butt noooooo! Lady M, like Big Guy, just can’t cut a break lately. She has to share headlines with Sarah finally making it perfectly clear that she will not be throwing her hat into the ring of R-word contenders.

I’m personally crushed: that’s my dream reflection slipping away -

…and Sarah too, of course. Don’t worry though, we’ll pull through, after all, Sarah is now completely unleashed and the world will never be the same. Those who have consistently underrated her because she sounds like a real American instead of a Hollywood issued Gina Davis-America’s First Talking Female President Doll.

Geena as “President Mackensie Allen” – Hollywood’s first vision of what a New World Order President should look and sound like. You might wish to note that “Commander in Chief” which debuted to rave reviews flamed out spectacularly after it’s first season in prime time too.

Seriously, I was thinking that after Big Guy’s ascension to Commander in Chief based on the crease in his pants and his widely rumored oratory skills that voters might demand a bit more substance this time around. Perhaps a candidate that adheres to old fashioned values like a deep love for the concept of America – as conceived, not as transformed. One who actually has faith in and adheres to the Constitution – again, as written, not as transformed. 

I know that Sarah will spend her time and energy hammering the RINO R-words to ensure that they nominate a real conservative, and having seen that Mamma Grizzly in full protect and defend mode, I expect she’ll have her way with them. So keep the faith: the battle’s far from over and the stakes are high. The real conservative R-words could do far worse than having Sarah-Unfettered in their corner. All they have to do is get out of the way and let her grab the mop.

And to the snobs out there who still think she sounds dumb: pretend she’s speaking with a Boston accent instead of a Fargo drawl and you’ll be surprised how much smarter she’ll sound. Even Big Guy has been trying out some “Sarah-isms” to see if he can pull his polling numbers up.

So good luck Sarah the Kingmaker: as they use to say to Truman “Give ‘em hell, Harry!”  I think the R-words should trust her implicitly to help them find the “right” candidate to run against the amazing shrinking president.

Perhaps I’ll still have the honor and opportunity to reflect you up close and personal in a few more years when the little ones are a bit older and the country a bit wiser.

 

H/T Fausta

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Lyin’s, Black Panthers and Fares…Oh My!

We have a HUGE afternoon planned! It’s that time of year EVERYONE looks forward to. No, not Baracktoberfest,

I’m talking about Lady M’s annual fall garden harvest and cook-off with the tweets.

HOPEfully that will push the rest of this week’s little issues off the front page, because aside from a bumper crop of sweets and tweets, this is shaping up as a bad, bad week on the range.

Scandals large and small seem to be oozing out of every pore. And even as scandals are gathering on the horizon, the PR pool has been sidetracked to deal with everything from bad manners to bad memories.

Butt I think we’re going to have to haul in some high powered poop scoopers to handle the mess that appears to be piling up on our front lawn. It looks like we’ve got two potentially “major” league scandals brewing, along with a slew of minor ones.

There’s Solyndra and Gun Walkers of course, butt at last count we’ve got three minor scandals simmering on the back burner too: Lady M’s just released final African trip expense report, combined with nepotism charges for promoting the Wee Wons to senior staff members without even considering other qualified minority candidates.

MO and senior staff members read “Cat In The Hat” to African children

Lady M and her senior staff members land in South Africa on their $412.000 flight

Then, there’s yet another taxpayer funded clean-green money pit, the Nevada Geothermal Power Company, that’s about to go belly-up, and, finally, there’s the New Black Panther whistleblower expose, including a charge of quid pro quo of the DOJ dropping all charges in return for the Panther’s keeping quiet about their support for Big Guy.

                                                                                   h/t Clarice

In any other time and Department of Justice this Black Panther deal might be considered a major scandal, butt we’re marking on the curve now.

And I’m not even going to count the potential scandal related to the Anwar al-Awlaki take down. For one thing, there’s been no credible evidence connecting al-Awlaki in any way to the Solyndra deal and no recoverable DNA located so far in the Lightsquared deal either. So it’s purely idle speculation that al-Awlaki was wacked because of his ties to this administration. And since we’ve got plenty of real fires burning, we aren’t dealing with the speculative this week.

I’ll admit, we are getting a little uneasy about Ricky’s “the dog ate my security briefing” defense in the Fast and Furious scheme that seems to be hurtling out of control.  His plausible non-involvement is losing traction now that a tenacious CBS cub reporter has turned up some embarrassing details about Eric Holder’s prior knowledge of the Fed’s “Guns Walking To Keep Fit” program.

uhhh…can I get a second take?

Can you say “special council” Attorney General?

It’s been getting a little tense around here since CBS decided to actually do some reporting on the Gun Walker story, and ABC has decided they need to pursue the Solyndra story in order to continue the charade that they, too, are a real news network. NBC is still considering jumping in the fray, butt since their specialty is sex scandals, they’re waiting for something a bit more salacious before dipping their toe in that alligator pit.

Even without the third rail of the MSM, there is a lot more flak flying around here than this administration is use to dealing with, which is why I suggested they contact Scandal Busters ‘R Us before things get entirely out of control.

               

We’re thinking of getting the old Flack Squad back together again

It looks to me like some of the R-words have finally gotten around to reading Alinsky’s Rules. Maybe they’ve even gone one step further and read Michael Patrick Leahy’s Rules for Conservative Radicals or David Kahane’s Rules for Conservative Radicals: Beating the Left at Its Own Game or, perhaps, consulted my little blog.

If in fact the R-words have finally figured out how to fight fire with fire it’s even more important that Big Guy  “Pass the Jobs Bill Now!”

Big Guy in Mesquite, TX. “If this Jobs Bill wasn’t real, could I do this with it?”

Kind of a Weekend at Bernie’s situation if you ask me.

Anyway, if the opposition is onto the Alinsky Rules gambit, Big Guy and Lady M are going to have to spend a lot more time on the fund raising trail. Because I think that would automatically up the re-election ante to a minimum of TWO billion dollars.

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“If I don’t have this done in 3 years…”– don’t finish that thought.

Boy, where does all this hostility come from!? And when will it end?

Finally, the White House has decided to be transparent - and embarrassingly so. The first lady officially announced her husband’s kickoff of the 2012 election with a thinly veiled photo-op trip to a local Target discount store. (snip)

We all expect politicians to pander to the great unwashed masses, but this is just embarrassing. The photograph deserves its own wing in the Bad Political Photo-ops Hall of Fame. This is John-Kerry-crawling-on-all-fours-in-his-hoodie-spaceman-costume embarrassing. It’s Michael-Dukakis-bouncing-around-in-a-tank-with-an-oversized-helmet embarrassing. It’s Barack-Obama- bowling-a-37 embarrassing.

John Kerry in his Woody Allen sperm suit embarrassing? Ewww! That is embarrassing.

I don’t know what the the Washington Times thought they were going to accomplish by printing this “story” butt all they really managed was to tick Lady M off even more than she already was. So she refused to show up for last night’s planned photo-op on the Wons actual anniversary (October 3). She and Big Guy were scheduled to show up at the local Costco to grab a hot dog, and claim it was an anniversary tradition – sort of like the infamous John and Elizabeth Edwards anniversary-celebration-at-Wendy’s shtick.

John and Elizabeth (may she rest in peace, no thanks to John) in happier times at Wendy’s

It’s probably just as well Lady M put the kibosh on the Costco gig, as the Edwards hoax - in retrospect -  didn’t turn out so well.

And since Costco is no longer providing free electric charges for Big Guy’s Government Motors Volts, they didn’t really deserve the publicity any way.

 

Butt I tell you, the Wons have had a hard time cutting a break on their wedding anniversary.

Wedding Belle Blues: 10-3-92

Remember our first, historic year in the Big White? Anniversary #17 rolled around right after our stunning (and humiliating) loss of the planned 2016 Chicago Olympic games to Rio, and it looked for awhile like we wouldn’t be going out to celebrate at all. Then last year I had the flu during the entire Anniversary season and couldn’t plan anything special. And since I was in no position to stop her, Lady M got dressed up as Wonder Woman to seduce Big Guy.

Gratefully, I was feverish and remember nothing. I hope you don’t either.

So now this year, when everything should be going swimmingly, we find ourselves the “underdog” in what was supposed to be a slam dunk re-election bid. And nobody around here can figure out why. I think I might have found a website that could explain at least part of it, in words that even Dear Reader will understand:

h/t sherrybt

…well, actually, there’s lots, lots more. Go see The Obama Presidency – by the numbers for yourself.

Don’t you just hate it when your own words come back to bite you?

“If I don’t have this done in three years, then there’s going to be a one term proposition.”  - Barack Obama, 2009

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