Saturday, October 19, 2013

Putting the Tea Party Anarchist Shutdown of 2013 “behind” us!

Looks like I’m going to have to get to the spa for a fresh Glass Wax; we’re having our grand re-opening next month! That’s right, Big White tours will resume in November so it looks like I’ll finally be getting back to work for the American people. And I want to be in top form so I can put forth only my very best reflections. I need to ensure that all of our official WH.GOV shots look more like this:

abc_michelle_obama_bo_nt_120216_wblog(without photoshopping I mean)michelle-obama-1-440

…than this:

mo butt shot2Unauthorized rear view that somehow slipped through the NSA screening

So, to make sure we get off on the right foot (so to speak), I hit the newly reopened gym with Lady M for a little tune/tone-up before going live next month.

michellesvision-ADOh yeah, we’re gonna’ put that TPA shutdown “behind” us.. (h/t Gerard)

If you want to come to visit the people’s house though, just make sure you call ahead because we can only resume our tours for 3 days a week. Even though the Great Tea Party Anarchist Shutdown of 2013 is over, we’re still suffering from previous sequester cuts. And we had to assigned all available staff to clean up in aisles 1, 4, 5, 7 and 10 of the Organic Garden of Good and Evil:

specialdelivery.garden of good and evilArriving with racks and shovels, the NPS will have this place turned into a pile of compost in no time.

Screenshot Studio capture #1412The squirrels need help with the tomato and okra harvest.

Unfortunately (thanks to the TPA) the garden remains dangerously ripe and overgrown and as such hasn’t received the necessary EPA clearance and USDA safety certification for photo-ops,so we won’t be able to hold our annual harvest with school children this year. I know. I’m disappointed too!

Screenshot Studio capture #1413

There’s nothing quite like a good sweet potato or turnip shot. Butt since we’re unable to hold the No Child’s Fat Behind® harvest this year, the NPS will  be composting most of the rotten fruit around here and piling all the pumpkins and squashes that had already been hauled in from local farms for the harvest in front of the North portico. All of our lucky visitors will be asked to grab one on their way out.

SQUASH FROM THE ORGANIC GARDEN

So don’t tell me we don’t know how to run an efficient government.

"Last year's sequestration came midway through the fiscal year, and we were unable to adjust or re-allocate remaining funding to continue tours while still ensuring enough funding remained to meet all operational needs and avoid furloughing our employees," said Secret Service spokesman Brian Leary. "In light of the new fiscal year, the Secret Service is confident that through the continuing resolution tours can operate at a reduced level while still meeting operational requirements. "

Unless, of course, it requires us to re-allocate funds midway through the fiscal year. That part of governing flummoxes us every time.

golfvsvets2 

 

cheshire MOTUS copy

 

TODAY’S POST WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY MOTUS; REFLECTING THE DARK SIDE (can I say that?) SINCE 2009.

 

 

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Sandy Peterson, Abby L Call, Annie Brown on facebook, and @ValCSilver on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Friday, October 18, 2013

Sad Brat’s Diary

October 18, 2013

Dear Diary,

Well, it’s over - the great Tea Party Anarchist Government Shutdown of 2013. Someone has removed all the barrycades.

barricades down

All the non-essential employees have returned to their non-essential posts.

JimAcosta

The roar of leaf blowers are back, assuring the squirrels that I will once again be able to provide them with free peanuts;

essential employee

the Panda-cam is back up and running.

panda cam

Clearly, I WON - again.

It bores me now.

bo yawn2

Dear Diary,

I thought vanquishing my enemies would be much more fun. Don’t misunderstand; I’ve enjoyed humiliated them; I relished giving them a public shaming.

reid boehner

It’s not like beating them at golf, but it was still good.

bo bohner golf2

Dear Diary,

I just don’t understand these unfeeling politicians. I harass them with my IRS unit, I spy on them through the NSA. I mock them;

You don’t like a particular policy or a particular president? Then argue for your position. Go out there and win an election.” 

I call them terrorists, hostage takers; I have my minions in the media call them racists. I demean and ridicule them.

And still…they taunt me.

CruzLeePIX

Dear Diary,

The Teahadists continue to threaten me with additional hostage taking and ransom demands if I don’t rein in federal spending. But as I have no federal budget, I fail to see how they can make me. I will continue to have the NSA and the IRS keep an eye on them. They will  pay for their treason.

Dear Diary,

I have crushed the rightwing nutz, but I cannot bend their will. How dare these arrogant little men question me?  Where do such politicians come from?

ted-cruz-reporters-570x406

Who do they think they are?

tea party

Dear Diary,

They send their vermin to torment me,

 obama-fly

bo flies

thinking they can get under my impossibly thin (black) skin. It won’t work.

Dear Diary,

Now they are colluding with the Chinese against me, getting them to downgrade the US credit rating just because we have too much debt, too much deficit. Traitors. Idiots. I will crush them.

we won chinese version

Dear Diary,

Well, the important thing is the MSM agrees that this “manufactured crisis” - created by talk radio, bloggers and domestic terrorists - is over.

bo val and the rest of the little people

I’m exhausted, I think I will take a nap. And when I am rested, I am going to get right back in the game.

Missing-a-shot-on-the-first-hole golf-at-Farm-Neck-MA-550x412

If these little twerps think they can stop me from completing my transformation of Amerika, I’ve got a message for them:

bo-finger

If they try to get in my litter box and dig up all those old, phony scandals and start harping about the failure of my O-care system, I will sic the big dogs on them.

dogbert

“Like Sisyphus, I am bound to hell.”

h/t and apologies to zefrank’s Sad Cat Diary

(Note from MOTUS, maybe I should get a cat. I will call him Sisyphus)

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Abby L Call on facebook, and @ValCSilver on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Day 17, Liberation: Time to Deal With the Rotten Fruit

Good news: the barrycades are coming down today! We can finally deal with all the RINOs  the rotting fruit in Lady M’s organic Garden of Good and Evil.

shutdown day 9 toms and basil gone native copyEnter at your own risk: the presence of snakes on the premises has been confirmed

So yay, Big Guy! Thanks for hanging tough with the terrorist hostage takers and ending this showdown without paying even one thin dime in ransom! Just like in the movies! Except in the movies the good guys usually win and in real life it’s often hard to tell who the good guys are.

Anyway, speaking of Hollywood, did you see our latest investment in (crony) capitalism?

primetime propaganda

Perhaps you noticed that our current ad campaign for the rollout of Obamacare isn’t going as well as we expected. With a conversion rate of Obamacare Exchange visitors slightly lower than that of Spam email ads, the Big Brains decided that what we have here is a failure to communicate. In other words; we just aren’t getting our message out.

Enter, Hollywood: we fired our current ad agency and PR firm and transferred both accounts to Big Hollywood, the only place where past performance is a guarantee of future results.

hollywood

The Obama administration is turning its focus on prime time television series, using the influential platform and the power of celebrity to spread the word about its healthcare initiative.

Initial funding will be provided through the University of California’s Annenberg Norman Lear Center:

The goal is to keep producers, writers and directors up to date in the event they seek to integrate the federal health initiative into their storylines. The money will also go to producing pro-ACA public service announcements that track with storylines on the TV series.

And we know we’ll get a good return on our investment:

“Our experience has shown that the public gets just as much, if not more, information about current events and important issues from their favorite television shows and characters as they do from the news media and online resources,” said Martin Kaplan, head of the USC program. The grant “will allow us to ensure that industry practitioners have up-to-date, relevant facts on health care reform to integrate into their storylines and projects.”

The program, which also aids in the spread of Al Gore’s anthropogenic global warming hysteria, boasts that its “storytelling resources” have contributed to more than 550 “Hollywood, Health & Society-assisted storylines over the span of three years.”

 

You may also have noted that our other propaganda public relations campaign - “Dissent is Racist, now that Obama is here” – has been embraced by Big Hollywood as well. So far we’ve signed Chris Noth up, who apparently played a character called “Mr. Big” on Sex in the City – so no reason we shouldn’t take him seriously:

mr big Mr. Big; an actor who reads well, and pretends to have sex with a woman. Hmmmm…

Noth said if Obama (had) been white the government never would have shut down in the first place.[ed. - except for those other 17 times, when we had “white” presidents]

"I think racism can be an unconscious, knee jerk reaction without people even knowing it," Noth said while fleshing out his position.[ed. – a position based on unconscious bias and knee jerk liberal reaction]

"There is something about Obama that makes these people, ah, just intolerable ... I consider [Tea Party Republicans] to be un-American. I do. They don't care about the country. They care about their small constituents." [ed. – as opposed to Hollywood actors, who care exclusively about, uh…well, I don’t know what they care about; Amerika, maybe?]

And we’ve also signed Robert Redford up for the new racism meme message:

There's a body of congressional people that want to paralyze the system. I think what's unfortunately underneath it is racism involved, which is really awful." [ed. – Robert reads well too, but take him off script and you get…non-fluency. Just like, well, you know.]

Redford then elaborated: "It's not just racism. I think it's a group of people that are [n.b., noun-verb disagreement] so afraid of change and they're so narrow-minded that when -- you see, some people when they see change coming get so threatened by change they get angry and terrorized and they get vicious." [ed. that never happens with Progs]

time michael moore

Fortunately Mr. Redford, for the time being, you still have the right to yell “racism” in a very crowded theatre. Putz!

robert_redfordI think something other than raindrops have fallen on his head

BTW, I’ve finally figured out why Barry is so attracted to Hollywood actors, and it’s not just the money! It’s the amount! No, seriously, it’s a bit like gazing into a mirror; he just can’t help butt admire a “whole bunch ’a people” who have honed the craft of reading to such a fine level:

framed world readership-CENTAU-WM copy

Butt I digress; Washington D.C. is once again open! The National Park Service, in consultation with the White House, has removed all of the barrycades, now that the Teahadist threat has passed. i

So if you want to come to the WWI, WWII, Korean War, Vietnam War memorials or Arlington National Cemetery this Veterans’ Day to remember your loved ones who fought and died for this great country, you can. You are once again free to move about the open air memorials.

And remember. And mourn.

 VIETNAM MEMORIAL“The Reflection”

Linked By: Abby L Call, Mireille Buser, Candace Crider on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Shutdown Day 16: Veterans, Optics and Barrycades

Yesterday we briefly interrupted our battle with the Tea Party Anarchists to  present the Medal of Honor to retired Army Captain William Swenson. The long overdue medal was awarded to former Captain Swenson for repeatedly risking his life in Afghanistan's Battle of Ganjgal to rescue his fallen comrades.

Michelle Obama Barack Obama Awards William p06Pug6ybWulIt only appears that Lady M is floating in space

For the occasion, Lady M selected one of her recycled frocks, this one a little Rachael Roy number from way back in 2009; as you can see it still fits as well as it did 4 years ago!

michelle-obama-rachel-roy

Even though we’ve, uh, matured a bit since then we still have our youthful style and panache when it comes to selecting an appropriate cocktail frock for these solemn ceremonies. I know you all remember our first Medal of Honor ceremony choice, also from 2009. It was a huge hit around the intertoobs and remains a reflection of Lady M’s classic style to this day:

medal_of_honor_Jared_Monti[8]Note the “color pop” of green heels

It was worn at the ceremony awarding the Medal of Honor posthumously to Sgt. First Class Jared Monti for his heroism in Afghanistan. And although Lady M and BO both met with and comforted Monti’s parents after the ceremony,

Screenshot Studio capture #1406

somehow Big Guy forgot about that little detail - that Jared had been killed by an enemy rocket propelled grenade while attempting to save a fellow soldier’s life. And due to his memory slip he said this, a year later, in a speech to Monti’s comrades from the 10th Mountain Division at Fort Drum:

“I had the great honor of seeing some of you because a comrade of yours, Jared Monti, was the first person who I was able to award the Medal of Honor to who actually came back and wasn’t receiving it posthumously,”

Oops. As you might imagine, being Commander in Chief you have so many things on your mind its easy to forget some of the less important details. And really - what difference, at this point, does it make? (h/t Hillary Clinton)

Besides we did place responsibility where it belonged and held people accountable for the failure; the speech writer was fired and TOTUS was placed on disciplinary leave for 2 weeks.

Anyway, I know that everyone is on pins and needles awaiting the announcement that the Republicans have wrestled control back from the Tea Party Anarchists and have reached a deal with the Democrats to release the hostages. So in order to ease the tension, let’s spend a little time enjoying a few highlights from previous Medal of Honor ceremonies.

610x-94

The posthumous award for Chief Master Sergeant Richard L. Etchberger, killed in the Vietnam War in 1968 warranted an ivy green St. Patrick’s Day dress, accessorized with pearls and pink Cinderella pumps.

moh 2010

Here are the Wons with Staff Sgt. Salvatore Giunta, our first living Medal of Honor winner since Vietnam. Top honors to MO here though! She arrived sans cocktail dress, pink Cinderella slippers or toxic green heels; just a nice brocade, mini-me and squirty pin.

Screenshot Studio capture #1408

May, 2011, posthumous Medal of Honor awarded to U.S. Army Private First Class Anthony T. KahoĆ¢ohanohano and Private First Class Henry Svehla for conspicuous gallantry in the Korean War. Lady M shown above in her Good and Plenty frock, coming and going.

mo 2009 good and plentyClose-up of the Good and Plenty frock

good and plenty

Next:

mo lanvin

Medal of Honor ceremony for Dakota Meyer; also for valor in the Battle of Ganjgal in the Kunal Province of Afghanistan. Mo chose subdued Lanvin dots and a matching pin with ribbons of her own.

mo's bad hair day

Royal purple and a squirty pin for Staff Sergeant Clinton Romesha’s ceremony awarded for bravery in the Battle of Kamdesh in Afghanistan. Below, Mo tries to emulate Sgt. Romesha’s humility (note to self, needs more work butt good enough for a job with the MSM).

Screenshot Studio capture #1407

Getting back to yesterday’s ceremony, I can tell you that BO suggested that everyone in Washington could learn a little something from Army captain William Swenson, implying that the do-nothing Congress should get moving on raising the debt ceiling so he can get back to the work for the American people (h/t Bill Clinton):

"At moments like this, Americans like Will remind us what our country can be at its best — a nation of citizens who look out for one another, who meet our obligations to one another not just when its easy but also when it is hard," Obama said. "Will, you are an example to everyone in this city and to our whole country of the professionalism and patriotism we should strive for if we wear a uniform or not."

Gee, that was inspirational. Maybe Big Guy will take his own advice. Because frankly, it’s hard to believe that anyone who has handed out so many Medals of Honor to our brave troops would ever barrycade the open air war memorials.

ww2 memorial closed

barrycades

Well that’s all I’ve got for now. I’ll get back with you as soon as we can announce the deal that will avoid a constitutional crisis created by Barry’s refusal to pay the interest on America’s debt (rather than defer any domestic transfer payments that might prove unpopular with the morons who elected him…twice his constituents).

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and @2oldCrabs, Abby L Call on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Shutdown Day 15: In This Great Land of Nuts and Barrys

Squirrels are known for two survival skills: hoarding, and stealing other squirrels’ stashes.

Screenshot Studio capture #1404h/t BFH on iOTH, who suggests we could substitute “ObamaVoters” for “squirrels”

Both skills were on display in Louisiana last Saturday night when an EBT system “glitch” temporarily eliminated card limits. Thanks to the fact that the card holders all have Obamaphones, they advised all their social network friends with EBT cards of this manna from heaven. Soon all the squirrels hustled down to their local Walmart where they were seen hoarding everything from, well, soup to nuts:

walmart3It was like Christmas…only free!

walmartShoppers abandoned carts at Walmart when EBT glitch was fixed.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to advance the premise that we don’t really have a squirrel problem around here; we have a problem of surplus nuts and Barrys:

Screenshot Studio capture #1405

Although, arguably, it’s growing harder by the day to distinguish between the nuts, the Barrys, and the trained squirrels.

harry's trained dogsTrained squirrels, waiting patiently for their treat instead of going hunting

They’re still waiting patiently for their Obamacare too. Well, ok - less and less patiently as the days go by (15 so far, butt who’s counting, other than that one Fox reporter? Oops! My bad, it’s a CNN reporter.)

And now we find out that the Obamacare system “glitches” might have been an inside job!?!

HHS didn’t want users to see Obamacare’s true costs”

“Political objectives trumped operational objectives”

“White House knowingly chose to court disaster”

Just rumors, I’m sure, planted by the Tea Party Anarchists.

Don’t worry, none of this has stopped Big Guy from staying focused like a laser beam on his nemeses: the arsonists, terrorists, extortionists, and wife beaters who are holding our government hostage. 

george mason wife beater“Ok, who else wore theirs today?”

Following the model created at the Alinsky School for Community Organizers, Big Guy turned the tables on his political foes and sworn enemies and again accused them of extortion and manufacturing a crisis (and wife beating). Not only is this a brilliant stealth tactic, butt it apparently never loses it’s efficacy against the current batch of trained squirrels on the Hill.

whitehouse squirrel“Taken by surprise again, the squirrel readily gives up his nuts.”

So now there are officially 3 things you can rely on in life: death, taxes, and the GOP caving.

As I understand it, these are the only terms that “No Stinky People in the Rotunda” Reid is willing to accept:

1) A delay of the $65 “Reinsurance Program Fee” per “bellybutton.” 

That doesn’t sound like a spending cut, so I’ll put that in Stinky Harry’s column.

2) A temporary increase in the nation's debt ceiling until February.

While past performance is no guarantee of future results, I’ll wager that this is simply a delay on the way to a permanent increase, so I’ll put that one in Stinky Harry’s column too.

3) Establishment of a Senate-House budget committee to craft a replacement for the automatic spending cuts known as sequestration, which would have to report its work product to Congress by Dec. 13.

Ooooooo! That sounds like a homework assignment! with a deadline! Based on the success of the Super Committee of 2011 that was tasked with a similar objective ahead of the dreaded, deadly, doomsday Sequester, I’ll call that one a draw (see “past performance” disclaimer, above). 

4) Verification of income in order to receive a subsidy.

I can’t really put that in anyone’s column, as it’s already the law.

5) And…oh. No, wait; I guess that’s about it.

I would like to advise you all to go gather as many nuts as you can find. What you do with them after that is entirely up to you.

 

AjuCskoCMAAsQqXThat’s all for now folks!

Linked By: Abby L Call, Mireille Buser, Candace Crider, Annie Brown on facebook, and @2oldCrabs on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network