Friday, January 29, 2010

House of Wax?

I’ve noticed something very disturbing. I suspect it has something to do with the fact that I’m here in Park City enjoying all the fun at the celebrity-jammed Sundance Film Festival which means I’m doing Lady M’s refractions remotely. But I seem to have detected that as of late, some of her images are starting to look a bit, ah, how can I put this? Wax-like.

I’m hoping it’s just my puritanical work/guilt complex that has marred my perceptions. Maybe you would all help me perform a quick reality check. What do you think?

Wax or Not-Wax:


232x145 51860112  232x317royal couple

   ymca 232x300232x359

I know, I know! It’s hard to tell!



Hugs and kisses from the only place on earth wackier and more delusional than D.C. –  Sundance.

I promise to be back at work full time as of Monday - with all my new chips in place - to work on our second historic year.






h/t Faustas

Thursday, January 28, 2010

It’s the Economy, Stupid. And Health Care. And Terrorism.

I’m filing this as I wing my way back for the last few days of my official chip upgrade/vacation at the Sundance festival. I could see that I was needed in DC tonight for the the first post-partisan SOTU big read, and my work ethic chip required me to return to help out. But I still have tickets for more cutting edge movies made by a lot of Big Guy’s friends and supporters, so I’m flying back for the weekend. Don’t worry, I’m not going first class, that’s just for real important government employees, like EPA clerks. Sure, I’ll be tired, but sometimes serving your country requires sacrifice.

But let’s focus on the Washington circus. First, the big read: BO took the stage to explain why people are angry. I don’t know, if it were up to me I might have skipped that part because I’m pretty sure most people already know what they’re mad about. Either they don’t have jobs or are afraid of losing them; and/or they think they’re going to lose their current health care insurance in exchange for much higher taxes and much worse health care. And then a few of you out there, and you know who you are, are mad about our sloppy and stupid handling of terrorists who are trying to kill us in the name of their religion of peace. And you’re mad that we’re treating them like some punks who knocked off a party store.

Then BO went on to explain why none of the things people are mad about are his fault. It was either the Republicans fault, the Supreme Court’s fault, Wall Street’s fault or George W. Bush’s fault. He did take his share of the responsibility for not explaining more clearly to all you morons why his health care plan is best for you. That’s kind of like saying “ I don’t think you hear what I’m saying” when in fact you hear what he’s saying just fine, but don’t happen to agree with it. So if any of you morons out there have a better idea, let him know. Otherwise, just shut up, sit down and get out of the way.

ruth ginsbergSupreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg hangs her head in shame at Big Guy’s criticism of their decision on campaign financing.

Man! Being leader of the free world turns out to be really hard, especially if some of your sheep refuse to follow the shepherd. And it’s even harder to appear like you’re accepting responsibility for the mess, without taking the blame, unless you have a whole lot of other people to blame things on. I’m not sure about this, but I think if I were Timmy I’d start working on that resume.

timmyTimmy as he realizes he’s in really big trouble

Now for our fashion review: BO wore his Candy Land tie: a symbolic act to indicate his solidarity with you in your pursuit of locating our missing Candy Land King.

this big The Candy Man

Lady M was in the chambers, seated next to a couple of officers of the law who Big Guy didn’t think act stupidly. They were among the first responders to the Fort Hood massacre, and as you can see, they are thrilled to be there.

waxReal people, not wax figures. Really.

For the occasion, MO chose a deep plum three quarter sleeved spandex unitard, wrapped with a coordinating deep plum taffeta bed skirt falling in loose box pleats. It’s an Isaac Mizrahi, doing his best to reintroduce classics.

Big Guy also did a couple of shout-outs to MO: one for her campaign to ban french fries and Little Debbies from school lunches, and again for her generous efforts in support of military families. I think she plans to send them all those banned french fries and Little Debbies.

232x148 Step away from the cupcakes. And just sit down.

Summary of the big read in a half dozen words or less: insincere, preachy, condescending, immature, petulant and smirky.

Geeze, if I’d wanted that I would have just stayed at the Sundance Film Festival.

Linked by Fausta's Blog - Thanks!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Celebutards Coast to Coast

I should probably be heading back to Washington soon.

I’ve tried working remotes from Park City, but it’s not quite as effective. My Cassegrain reflector equipped with state of the art NASA nano-processors just doesn’t work as well off-site.

Although, having said that, I think we handled the lunch with the military wives rather well.  MO’s finely toned arms reflected quite well, and you can’t say that about very many women in Washington this time of year.

232x228 MO addresses the Joint Armed Forces Officers Wives Club

Not only did MO’s fighting form look great, but she won high marks for personally delivering an $8.8 billion budget for support of military families in this year’s budget. Don’t worry, it’s not coming out of her wardrobe budget. Sending Lady M and her toned arms was meant to deflect the fact that the $8.8 billion only included a 1.4% pay raise next year, the smallest since the advent of the all-volunteer military in 1973. I guess it worked, judging from the press which is all about MO’s support for military families, and all the new programs she’s proposing.

In other Big White news: did you see Big Guy’s meeting with Khloe Kardashian? Well, technically Big Guy meeting with the LA Lakers, but all the really famous wives came too.


I don’t mind telling you that when I saw this image it sent shivers through my hard drive. Like a really, really bad flashback.


Let’s not even get started with what Big Guy and Khloe have in common. It’s already becoming a favorite parlor game. So far “both being famous for doing nothing” is in the lead.

I’m hoping to screen a couple more movies films here at Sundance before getting my upgrades installed and winging my way back to the wackiness, debauchery and excitement of Washington. It’s not that much different from the celebutard world of Hollywood, but still, I miss it.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Dorks and Snarks

Sorry everyone, but I’ve been very busy here at the Sundance outpost. I even signed an autograph the other day! Although Raj said it might have been the bill for lunch.

Just a quick post to let you know how really, really cool Sundance is: look who came (again) this year!

 paris dork paris hilton paris3


OMG! It is! Paris. Paris Hilton. Remember her? Famous for being famous? That’s still all she’s got going, but this year she took a snowboarding lesson from her reality show boyfriend, whats-his-name. Proof that everyone looks like a dork on a snowboard.

Also, I just checked in on our Snark 4 contest. I must say, you’re not doing your part here snarks and snarkettes. There are only 3 nominations and two of them are protests. I would hate to cancel the contest due to lack of interest, as there has been PLENTY of snarking going on around here. So if you wish to nominate, be sure to weigh in here. And remember: nominating yourself is not only acceptable, it’s expected.

Checked in back at the Big White and apparently everyone’s hunkered down. Harry and Nancy are out counting votes and everyone else is busy finding more jobs that have been created or saved. After Val, Axe-man and Gibbsy’s appearances on the Sunday shows all we know is that it’s somewhere between “thousands” (Val) and “2 million” (Axe). I’m betting the final numbers will be higher.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Under the Stars


It has been very cold and snowy here at Sundance. In addition to providing technical support for all of my complex systems, I’ve had to assign Raj to snow clearing duties. Unfortunately, he’s from southern India, where they never see snow so his technique leaves much to be desired. I keep telling him, pile it up on the side, but he just keeps shoveling it over his shoulder. He said this was how they taught him in Washington. Maybe so, but we don’t seem to be making much progress.

But I am pleased to report that Raj has established a nice little side business here at Sundance. There are so many southern Californians here whose iPhones aren’t used to the cold, that they keep freezing up. For a small fee (which I can’t disclose, as I don’t know what he’s going to claim on his taxes) Raj is restoring their magic. I’m led to believe that Big Guy might require the same service; of course for him there would be no charge since we all work for him.

As an added service, for each phone he restores to it’s prior glory, Raj is installing a special app that he developed himself. It involves a 30 minute tour of the Big White with MO, where you can actually rearrange the furniture and select your own art. PLUS, there’s an app that contains BO’s top 10 speeches. You can pull out all of the “let me be clears”, “extraordinaries”, “robusts” and “unprecedenteds” and replay them all in a loop set to old newsreels. Quite retro. I think it will be quite a hit with the Sundance crowd.

And yes, I did see that Lady M ventured out without me to tell the mayors of America that she’s fighting childhood obesity, one zucchini at a time. All things considered, I think it went pretty well. Although she still seems to be having problems with those buttons. She’s just used to everything buttoning on the left, so this sudden shift to the right is disorienting.


I’ve got to run now. It’s time for another “film screening,” aka going to a movie. This one is called “Please Give”. I think it’s either about Haiti or BO’s overhaul of the Internal Revenue Code. Will get back to you with more later – plus a fashion report on the latest black ensembles spotted at Sundance.

Oh, my chip upgrades, and electro-magnetic pulse (EMP) shielding? I’m having that done next week. I thought since I was here on the taxpayer’s dime, I might as well schedule a few extra days to catch up on popular culture. It’s all too easy to let yourself get out of touch when you’re in Washington.