Saturday, September 4, 2010

Class: Don’t Leave Home Without it

Did you see Robin Givens article in the Washington Post the other day? Finally - someone who recognizes all that Lady M has done for this country, now that she’s finally proud of it.

First lady Michelle Obama returned to the White House last week after spending her summer vacation walking the fine fashion line between comfortably casual and utterly camera-ready. Her travel attire served as a wake-up call to all those American tourists who have blighted the national landscape with their ill-fitting shorts, sad-sack T-shirts and aggressively revealing tank tops: You can do better.

Yes we can! Something more like these, perhaps?

shorts michelle noon feeding

black top

Robin continues:

Obama threw down the gauntlet, providing folks with a high-profile lesson on how to be a well-dressed tourist who does not cause the locals to flinch in dismay. Yet she still managed to convey a middle-of-the-road Americanness. She represented the populace in a manner that was approachable but savvy.

Uh huh, savvy. And expensive, but approachable:

butt out moand SS guy            Moschino                                  Jean Paul Gaultier

dinner leggings Narciso Rodriguez                                     Duro Olowu

b4and after we depart our gulf vacay

                                                          Narciso Rodriguez

Robin is so delighted to finally have a classy First Lady who wears her favorite designers, she’s nearly delirious. And she thinks you should follow Lady M’s lead as well. After all:

We are all part of the landscape. We are part of the postcard image, the memory that's tucked into a scrapbook. We should do our best not to mar this country's natural beauty.

Indeed. Let’s be careful out there.

wtf-on-backside ribbonsrufflesandlace4 tablecloth_thumb2

Leave the curtains and table cloths at home for your holidays. You can do better than that.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Dressing Up Our Summer of Recovery

road sign

Yesterday we took a baby step towards finally ending George Bush’s recession of 2009-12:

The White House Thursday ruled out an "extraordinary" new economic stimulus plan to fire up the slowing recovery, but said President Barack Obama was scouting new ideas to boost jobs and growth.

No more cash for clunkers, no more Summer of Recovery road signs, no more monkeys doing blow, no more websites for ants, no more modern dance software, (oh,oh: I better not mention that last one to Lady M, what with our dance party coming up and all) – in short, no additional “extraordinary” wasteful spending. Butt wait- those aren't “extraordinary,” they’re just some of the usual suspects.

mccain-coburn-list North Carolina’s $762k Computer Choreography. So much for Rage Against the Machine.

UNC said they needed the dance stimulus grant to “define an evolving system that assists in the design and production of interactive dance performances with real-time audience interaction.” 

Dude: it’s called a “club.” They have them in nearly every city outside of the Middle East.

dance club

President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama Dance during the Nobel Banquet obamas_dancing_governors_ball_0310

“We just came to dance”

But since Big Guy said he’s scouting for “new ideas to boost jobs and growth” I thought maybe I would help him out.

I gave him a copy of this book,

economics basic

but since he hasn’t opened it yet I assume there’s no sense giving him the sequel:

economics intermediate

This is the last in a series of 47 books written by Dr. Sowell about the role of economics in America:

dismantling america

I gave this one to Big Guy too. He said that the title sounded familiar, but he’d rather live it than read about it. I should have known. Aside from TOTUS, he hasn’t had much time for reading.

pres-barack-obama-golfing

Neither has Congress:

health_care_bill 92449264BS001_HOUSE_GOP

2000 page Healthcare Bill, 2000 page Financial Reform Bill: it’s in there!

Butt the bottom line is, it’s up to Lady M now to stimulate the economy. We’re going shopping, girlfriend!

mo shopping Buy all three pieces and mix and match!

You can join our Labor Day weekend stimulus shopping extravaganza too! Buy one for the team! Let’s Move!

let's move

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Dancing in the O-zone.

Here is the big news of the week, so far: Lady M is bringin’ dancin’  to the Big White! Happy feet are here again. The series kickoff on September 7 is a tribute to Judith Jamison, retiring artistic director of the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater.

We’ll also be kicking off our Fall ‘No Childs’ Fat Behind’ season with a special hula hooping lesson by Lady M:

Since Judith is now available for private consultation, Big Guy is considering hiring her as head coach for his ongoing dance contest series with the leaders of the Middle East. First thing she’ll have to do though is teach him how to lead:

 220px-Thalia_and_Barack_Obama_croppedBig Guy, following the moves of Thalia. That got him hot water! 

…and move,

barack-obama-dancingQue es mas macho? 

More like Lady M does:

 _44999513_michelle_ap466 Again, we ask: who is most macho? 

In Big Guy’s defense however, it does help if you have a booty to shake.

Butt speaking of the dance series: yesterday we held the obligatory pre-show photo ops with the latest contestants for the Noble Peace Prize, Mid-East division:

peace talks Contestants Mahmoud Abbas, Benjamin Netanyahu, King Abdullah II and Hosni Mubarak: they all look like they’re wee-weed up.

I don’t know who to tell you to put your money on for the dancing crown this season, but I can tell you who the “biggest loser” will be, if you want to bet on that: Bebe. The fix is definitely in on that one.

sucking lemonsSucking Lemons

 x610The march of the wooden soldiers: Left wingman, fall back!

mubarak, netanyahu abbasTry not to look like hostages, boys.”

 

Be sure to tune in for the season finale. We’ll have one of our trade mark “dancing in the O- zone” celebrations:

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

We Redecorate: the Oval and Beyond.

As you’ve heard, we had the Oval redone while we were on vacation, so it would look nice for Big Guy’s speech last night.

He was very complimentary of our troops while explaining how George W. Bush divisively sent them into a war that pitted patriots on the right side of the issue (ours) against those misguided patriots who supported Bush’s war. But we didn’t dwell on the negative for long: Big Guy quickly moved on to more important issues and, very graciously,  did not mention Bush by name while blaming him for the economy. Nor did he directly blame W for the ongoing unrest in the Middle East, which Big Guy plans to bring to a peaceful resolution. Why didn’t W. think of that before leading us into such an unpopular war?

But doesn’t Big Guy look good in his newly decorated office?

big desk little man Big desk, little man, take 2: Let’s see, “when you succeed you give credit to others, when you fail you take the blame.” Or is that the other way around?

But let’s focus on something we’re a little more comfortable with: the new visuals:

Oval Office Decor

We’ve pretty much replaced everything except the desk, which makes Big Guy look like he’s in charge when he sits there:

photographersPhotographers taking pictures of Big Guy at his desk: Whoa! He’s not there yet guys!

The redecoration wasn’t just for the optics though, it was a matter of necessity. Little Bo is still having some, uh, youthful rebellion issues. Either that or he’s simply out of control. Let’s just say that the old carpet and sofa were suffering from Bo-nut fatigue.

bo-obama resized_obama_dog_bo_2

Little Bo with Big Guy, and with his real handler

But the Oval wasn’t the only redecoration that took place while we were gone. A much bigger redecoration project took place over at Justice. Like the Oval re-do it was a slick sleek and quick. It didn’t include new furniture, but I think it  will end up being much more expensive in the long run. See what you think:

Here’s the old DOJ banner, as it used to appear on the Justice Department’s website:

DOJ old website Old website header at Justice 

And here’s the new banner as it now appears on the DOJ’s website:

 DOJ new website New website header at Justice

One of the biggest renovations is the little teeny-weenie writing on the top that’s hard to see here, but it says:

"The common law is the will of mankind, issuing from the life of the people." 

That was Big Guy’s idea.  It’s kind of a postmodern re-do of what our Founding Father’s had in mind.You probably recall that they thought we got our inalienable rights from the Creator. Apparently Big Guy and Eric the Holder believe they come from the dead socialist,  C. Wilford Jenks, “who in the 1930's was a leading proponent of the "international law" movement, which had as its goal to impose a global common law and which backed ‘global workers' rights.'”

*sigh* Where is Vereteno now. When we need her most?

Just so you know, for future planning, we’ve got a few more redecoration projects on the drawing board too. And no, none of them involve recycling any of the old draperies.

huggs

If you don’t want to spend too much more of America’s future on redecorating, you might want to do some of your own Congressional redecorating in November.

H/T Larwyn, who also points out that this gives context to the Department of State’s idiotic decision to take Arizona’s state law to the UN – arguably the largest body of Marxists/socialists  on the planet.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Economics and Wars and Religion. Oh My!

We’ve been on vacation so long that a whole “bunch ‘a stuff” has piled up on our plate. At the top of the list is getting our “no fat child’s behind” campaign “rolling” again, so to speak.

and , uh, hindquarters Back to work and putting the Vacays behind us

And Big Guy has a pretty big “too do” list this week too: the economy, the war and religion.The 3 things that should never be discussed in polite society, which explains why it’s the only thing discussed in D.C. 

Yesterday Big Guy tackled the first item on his list, the economy, by holding a Rose Garden soiree to  blame the Republican’s for holding up our Recovery Slumber Summer.

Clearly, the thinking is because the gazillion dollars in stimulus spending haven't restored the economy, maybe some more will.

Wait, that can’t be right. That’s from the LA Times? Oh dear, maybe things are worse than anyone thought. Oh well, it still sounds like they’re behind us. And I think we have a plan: once we ram through our injection of more deficit welfare spending, the superiority of Keynesian economics will be put to rest once and for all. Keynes’ theory can be summed up thusly:

spend to save

Lady M is sooo down with this plan. Butt some of our weaker links in Congress are beginning to feel a little woozy with the concept ahead of the mid-terms. Toes is going to “talk” to them. You know, to calm them down.

Next item on the list: “End the War in Iraq.” That can be checked off with the Big Speech tonight: Big Guy’s going to announce his follow-through on Bush’s plan to withdraw troops from Iraq by August 31. There is still some pesky violence in Baghdad and the Iraqis forgot to form their own government, but that’s because we forgot to follow through on the rest of Bush’s plan. Oh well, that’s the Iraqis’ problem now. We kept our campaign promise, and that’s all that counts.

I saw TOTUS’ last draft of the Big Speech and the plan is to blame Bush for the war, the violence and the deaths of Americans and Iraqi civilians. Big Guy will take credit for cleaning up the mess (he will  steer clear of the term “victory” – it’s a Bushism, and a symbol of American imperialism). We are thinking something more – ahh - nuanced. Like this:

1-obama-mission-accomplished-2-001

Next on our list is to get that damn hole plugged. No, not the one in the Gulf: we’ve already taken car of that, so be sure to move it to our Mission Accomplished list too. No, now we’re talking about the one at Ground Zero. If someone would just fill in that damn hole, maybe people will stop carping about the teeny-weenie mosque going up around the corner as a memorial to 9/11.

And if they stop yapping about that, we assume they’ll finally stop questioning Big Guy’s spiritual leanings. Even our formerly supportive MSM are trying to be “edgy” now, by bringing this up. Brian Williams, for example asking why so many people think he’s a Mooselim:

Williams… asked Obama why so many people were uncertain about something so fundamental as his faith.

“I can’t spend all of my time with my birth certificate plastered on my forehead,”

Why is Big Guy bringing up his birth certificate when no one asked?  And besides, we’ve already addressed that one: fill-in Presidential press secretary Bill Burton advised everyone just a couple of weeks ago that Big Guy is a Christian, adding that “he prays every day.”

Not that he doesn't have good reason to – pray every day, that is - but given the touchiness of this whole issue, it seems as odd as Big Guy’s  “birth certificate on the forehead” comment. I have known quite a few Christians during my assignments here at the Big White. Some of them didn’t pray every day (yes, Bill, I’m talking about you). But do you know who does pray every day? Mooselims, that’s who. About 6 times a day. Pointing towards Mecca. With their shoes off (H/T Nick DiPaolo).

look_whos_praying Official White House photo by Pete Souza:

OK, you explain it then.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Once In a Life Time: With God’s Will and Your Votes-updated

This is so-ooo embarrassing. Here I am, thinking that the strange dress that looks like it’s already been caught in the rain was my biggest problem. So naturally, that’s where I focused all my circuits. I failed to take in the whole frame. Because if there’s one thing Big Guy is really good at, as a rule, it’s the visuals.

So I totally was not ready for this:

obama-umbrella “I was told there would be no geometry”

Van der Leun even gave it a musical reference, in case you missed the point:

You may ask yourself
How do I work this?
You may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
You may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
You may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!


— Talking Heads, Once in a Lifetime 1984

Inspired by Van der Leun’s insight, here’s the illustrated long version, set to music. In case you still don’t get it:

Once In A Lifetime

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack

 Obama_ChicagoHouse_7-11-07
And you may find yourself in another part of the world

KENYA US SENATOR BARACK OBAMA
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile

president-obama-takes-inaugural-ride-in-presidential-limousine
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house,

White%20House

with a beautiful wife

michelle-obama-11
And you may ask yourself-Well...
How did I get here?

black-panthers-black-panthers-political-poster-1274745290


Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down

obama_surf_2_thumb
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground

Into the blue again/after the money's gone


Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?

 obama-phone-photo-opp-upside-down
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?

 ObamaMobile
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!

george obama copy  
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!

shorts 

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?

Underwater%20Mortgage 
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go to?

crazy-road-sign1
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?...Am I wrong?

crazy-road-signs
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?

best political cartoon-Dan Collins-croppedCLEANEDCartoon: Dan Collins Cartoons

  
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.


Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...

Same as it ever was...

Like I said: with Big Guy, it’s all about visuals.

Linkie-Dinked by:

Thanks!