Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Economics and Wars and Religion. Oh My!

We’ve been on vacation so long that a whole “bunch ‘a stuff” has piled up on our plate. At the top of the list is getting our “no fat child’s behind” campaign “rolling” again, so to speak.

and , uh, hindquarters Back to work and putting the Vacays behind us

And Big Guy has a pretty big “too do” list this week too: the economy, the war and religion.The 3 things that should never be discussed in polite society, which explains why it’s the only thing discussed in D.C. 

Yesterday Big Guy tackled the first item on his list, the economy, by holding a Rose Garden soiree to  blame the Republican’s for holding up our Recovery Slumber Summer.

Clearly, the thinking is because the gazillion dollars in stimulus spending haven't restored the economy, maybe some more will.

Wait, that can’t be right. That’s from the LA Times? Oh dear, maybe things are worse than anyone thought. Oh well, it still sounds like they’re behind us. And I think we have a plan: once we ram through our injection of more deficit welfare spending, the superiority of Keynesian economics will be put to rest once and for all. Keynes’ theory can be summed up thusly:

spend to save

Lady M is sooo down with this plan. Butt some of our weaker links in Congress are beginning to feel a little woozy with the concept ahead of the mid-terms. Toes is going to “talk” to them. You know, to calm them down.

Next item on the list: “End the War in Iraq.” That can be checked off with the Big Speech tonight: Big Guy’s going to announce his follow-through on Bush’s plan to withdraw troops from Iraq by August 31. There is still some pesky violence in Baghdad and the Iraqis forgot to form their own government, but that’s because we forgot to follow through on the rest of Bush’s plan. Oh well, that’s the Iraqis’ problem now. We kept our campaign promise, and that’s all that counts.

I saw TOTUS’ last draft of the Big Speech and the plan is to blame Bush for the war, the violence and the deaths of Americans and Iraqi civilians. Big Guy will take credit for cleaning up the mess (he will  steer clear of the term “victory” – it’s a Bushism, and a symbol of American imperialism). We are thinking something more – ahh - nuanced. Like this:


Next on our list is to get that damn hole plugged. No, not the one in the Gulf: we’ve already taken car of that, so be sure to move it to our Mission Accomplished list too. No, now we’re talking about the one at Ground Zero. If someone would just fill in that damn hole, maybe people will stop carping about the teeny-weenie mosque going up around the corner as a memorial to 9/11.

And if they stop yapping about that, we assume they’ll finally stop questioning Big Guy’s spiritual leanings. Even our formerly supportive MSM are trying to be “edgy” now, by bringing this up. Brian Williams, for example asking why so many people think he’s a Mooselim:

Williams… asked Obama why so many people were uncertain about something so fundamental as his faith.

“I can’t spend all of my time with my birth certificate plastered on my forehead,”

Why is Big Guy bringing up his birth certificate when no one asked?  And besides, we’ve already addressed that one: fill-in Presidential press secretary Bill Burton advised everyone just a couple of weeks ago that Big Guy is a Christian, adding that “he prays every day.”

Not that he doesn't have good reason to – pray every day, that is - but given the touchiness of this whole issue, it seems as odd as Big Guy’s  “birth certificate on the forehead” comment. I have known quite a few Christians during my assignments here at the Big White. Some of them didn’t pray every day (yes, Bill, I’m talking about you). But do you know who does pray every day? Mooselims, that’s who. About 6 times a day. Pointing towards Mecca. With their shoes off (H/T Nick DiPaolo).

look_whos_praying Official White House photo by Pete Souza:

OK, you explain it then.