Saturday, February 12, 2011

“The Ties are a Window to the Soul”

Or, as the French say - and I prefer - “ties are a mirror of the soul” ('Les yeux sont le miroir de l'dme.) Either way, you may wonder what Big Guy’s message was when, as a farewell memento, he gave Gibbsy  his own cravat back:

Sorry, butt I don’t even get any Kroners for the commercial!

Because, as you can clearly see for yourself, the last thing on earth Gibbsy needs is another tie. He seems to have one for every occasion:

As noted by the Ace of Spades “here is an emblematic Democratic ‘gift:’ Giving you back what was always yours and expecting a thank-you for it.”  Like when you get a tax refund.

Butt the simple truth is, when Big Guy borrowed that tie 7 years ago, he promised Gibbsy “If you like your tie, you can keep it.” Of course, when he finally did get it back, it was covered with catsup stains, firmly encased in a rigid box and accompanied by  a certificate for a consultation with Ikram to discuss whether a man of his age really needs to wear a tie any more.

Friday, February 11, 2011

My International Radio Debut is Tonight!

Ok, so tonight Team-MOTUS makes our radio debut on the world famous Andrea Shea King Blog Talk Radio Show! 

andrea shea kingAndrea Shea King: Radio Patriot extraordinaire

The real Radio Patriot is interviewing me on her show! I’m so excited I could wet my pants, if I wore pants. Raj and Little Mo will be with me in the bunker and on the air too. We wrapped the bunker in tin foil to prevent anybody in Big White from picking up our signal, and we’ll be using our secret code names: I’ll be Jo and Raj & Little Mo will share the code name Bob.

Don’t worry if you are attending CPAC, I have been told that they will be streaming the show on the main stage jumbotron at the end of President Ronald Reagan’s 100th Birthday dinner & celebration. Only CNN has confirmed this on the air so far.

I know that there may be a few people who might think there are more important things going on somewhere in the world tonight, butt I sure can’t think of any.

So, pour yourself an adult beverage, grab a spot in your comfortable barcalounger and tune in the Radio Patriot’s show at 9 p.m. ET, featuring me! Well, for the first half hour anyway.

“Let’s MOve.” The First Anniversary Edition

I’m not at liberty to tell you whether Lady  M has hired a new stylist or not, but as you can see here, she has a new publicist. Not that she needed one  - our coverage has been universally obsequious, and we’ve won more fawning awards than any FLOTUS in history.  But here’s a snippet from our latest:

Just how did an intellectually brilliant Harvard Law School graduate, with a $273,500-a-year salary as a Chicago hospital executive and a wardrobe of corporate tailored outfits morph into an adoring wife and casual mom with a penchant for J.Crew knitwear, jeans and brightly patterned dresses?

Exactly what everyone is asking. Butt being a fashion icon presents problems as well:

The conundrum of style power, as seen in an enormously varied wardrobe, is that it has been viewed as the only focus of this intelligent and highly educated first lady, who flowered from roots in a family of Southern slaves. How many people think about Mrs. Obama’s campaigns for healthy eating, compared with her choice of sleeveless dresses?

In answer to that, I present Lady M’s brilliant, extraordinarily intelligent own words on the success of her “No Child’s Fat Behind” program on the occasion of it’s first anniversary:

Notice the softer side of Lady M; a collaboration between our stylist and our publicist. And just be grateful  that you can’t see how the rest of this 2 sizes too small blouse looks on camera – that was my contribution.

article-1336470-0C40752F000005DC-406_634x440 Same blouse, Christmas tree arrival version

“The cardigan — worn on the night her husband, Barack Obama, was elected president of the United States, and even to meet the Queen Elizabeth II — has become a postfeminist symbol of an independent woman whose free spirit won’t be cowed by convention.”

Post-feminist indeed. What feminist wouldn’t be proud to have our FLOTUS discussed endlessly for her, uh, fashion statements, in books like Robb Young’s “comprehensive and global survey,” Power Dressing.

Seeing Michelle Obama in a tangerine dress in a lineup with Margaret Thatcher (decorative “Iron Lady”), Sarah Palin (sexy secretary), Queen Rania of Jordan (royal fashion plate) and Hillary Rodham Clinton (pantsuits forever) makes an instructive introduction to “Power Dressing: First Ladies, Women Politicians & Fashion.”

You certainly do get what you pay for, don’t you?


I’ve gotta’ run. I’m going to drop in on our student government organization to see what we’ve cooked up for dealing with the Egyptian “revolution” today.

Last I heard, we were thinking of offering Hosni asylum in New York.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

“Tell me lies. Tell me sweet little lies.”

I don’t know whether it’s true that the King of Saudi Arabia called Big Guy at 3:00 AM to tell him that he was riding the wrong camel in Egypt. I’ll leave that to him and his secretary to work out. Although, if I happen to see Joey B, I might mention that his observations on de-Nile situation don’t seem to be very helpful.

Butt I have much more important news from the home front to report on: Lady M’s No Child’s Fat Behind first anniversary speech delivered at the Alpharetta location of Atlanta’s huge North Point Community Church. She gave herself a well deserved pat on the back for the progress she’s made in reducing our fat kidz’ behinds:


“You wanted healthier, more affordable options on those grocery store shelves. So food manufacturers made a "Healthy Weight Commitment," pledging to cut 1.5 trillion calories a year from their products.** And Walmart promised to sell products with less sugar, salt and trans-fat - and to reduce prices on healthy items like fresh fruits and vegetables.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Big Guy promised to give the public five days to “look online and find out what's in it before I sign it," to eliminate earmarks “line by line” in order “to make sure that we are not spending money unwisely," and that his administration will be "the most open and transparent in history. Oh, and that “if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor.” And how’s that working out for you?

Lady M and Big Guy have been playing the “who can tell the most little white lies in one day” game for a long time. Butt yesterday, I think we can all concede that Lady M took the title handily.

Here were some of MO’s entries – and these are just from the morning shows!

Big Guy hasn’t smoked for almost a year. (Mostly Untrue. It depends on what your meaning of “smoked” is, as well as how you define “almost”)

obamasmokescreen “Almost” a year, butt still havin’ smokin’ dreams

Ikram is still Lady M’s stylist, “nothing’s changed.” (Mostly true. She has dumped Ikram, has a new stylist, butt still - not much has changed.)

leaving HI workin’ with our new stylist

BO doesn’t dye his hair.  (somewhat true, you don’t think he does it himself, do you?)

Two images of President Barack Obama from Jan. 19, 2011, one from morning (left) and another from evening (right). 
(Photos by Alex Wong/Getty Images) It’s all in the lighting

BO is not the least bit vain about his looks. (Completely untrue. Come on!)

bo in the mirror Obama-Mirror-blogSpan 1248073523114-barack%20obama







And then Lady M flew off to Atlanta to give her speech.

tootightinalpharetta We could still use a bit of extra fabric through the rear end

You’re going to have to count the little fibs there yourself. I just don’t have time with the continued roll out of our 2nd big “No Child’s Fat Behind” anniversary parties. Apparently I’ve been relegated to cake and brownie detail.

And finally, just one little observation: I have no idea why we changed clothes for the speech when the outfit we wore to visit the Burgess-Peterson Academy actually fit us and looked pretty good too - although I would have left the boob belt in 2009. Butt that’s just me. Otherwise, I really like this Dark Knight version of Peter Pan.

firstlady.0220 P020911LJ-0542

Charcoal gray slacks fit, tweed vest covers butt, turtleneck covers arms, boob belt, superflous. Butt still, mostly true!


In fact, this ensem might have been a better choice for the early shows too. And then we could have worn the same clothes all day long. You know? Like ordinary folks do?

michelle-obama-2011-2-9-10-30-16 A little less cleavage, leg and boob belt could have worked here, too.

** As we speak, Timmy Geithner and  Austan Goolsbee are working out a plan to translate that 1.5 trillion calories into dollars that can then be applied to our national deficit. That way Big Guy can say that he turned our deficit into a surplus. Are you beginning to get the hang of the game now?

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

An Accessible Fashion Icon Speaks, You know? UPDATE II: TODAY UPDATE III: LIVE!

 Sweet-CST-0209.jpg Presser Luncheon with the Ladies who report so you can decide

To officially kick off our 2nd big year of Lady M’s Let’s Move! campaign we invited the ladies who cover us to lunch. Amazingly, most of them forgot to bring their cameras, butt here’s a shot of Lady M in her February sleeveless Marc Jacobs dress – very fashion forward as it won’t be summer for another whole 4 months.

Lynn Sweet from the O’s hometown paper reported on the wide range of questions that MO fielded (all pre-screened of course – we’ve discovered that we don’t really do off-the-cuff all that well).

We covered food (“I like to talk about my obsession with french fries because I don’t want people to think that “Let’s Move” is about complete, utter deprivation. ”). No indeed; complete, utter deprivation is for the little people.

watermarksDemonstrating moderation at the National Mentoring Conference, January 25, 2011

On fashion –  we put to rest the rumor that Ikram is history: “I’ve always bought clothes from Ikram. And to the extent that — I mean, it’s really nothing has kind of changed. It’s kind of interesting where these stories come from, that sort of thing. I didn’t do anything different. I didn’t.” You know? And about the flap over wearing an English designer for the Woo Hu affair: “But there are a lot of other designers that have cute stuff, too.” You know? Cute stuff? Wear what you love. You know?

On Sarah Palin: (“I don’t think about her in this initiative,” the skinny little  b***h!).

Big Guy’s smoking (he doesn’t, “I’m very proud if him.”)  And so are we! How brave! And not only did he not gain any weight - he’s still losing! If only we could bottle his secret.

On religion: (“I have a hard time talking about something that is so personal.” So she didn’t. “Yeah. ... I mean, it’s like talking about — some things are just mine, you know?” Yeah, we know. It’s a little intrusive, you know? Like telling parents what to feed their kids, or restaurant owners what size portions they can sell. Or something, you know?

She passed on the opportunity to discuss her views on same-sex marriage. I think we can assume that, like Big Guy’s, her views are still “evolving.” Always good to keep an open mind, especially when you can’t tell yet which position will prove most beneficial in the next election.

Later in the afternoon, Lady M called the Mayor, Dayne Walling, of Flint, Michigan to congratulated him on Flint becoming the 500th city in the nation to join the "Let's Move!" campaign. I don’t know about the other 499 cities, butt I’ve been to Flint, and I can sure see why they would be planning to move. It’s not quite Detroit, butt it’s real close.

Got to run: Today and Regis and Kelley this morning – Wow! Who ever would have guessed that our anti-obesity campaign would have brought us to the big time. Is this a great country, or what? (Although I hope we don’t have to stand next to Kelly – that’s a stress even for my refractor system.)


PS: We’re wearing sleeves this morning! How fashion forward is that?!


Here we are on TODAY with that adorable little bald Matt Lauer:

mo-1 Recycled look from year one: boob belt! Updated with a trendy boob flap. Apparently boobs are back in style at the Big White.

Black and white (symbolic) dots: gigundo red boob belt (retro fashion forward) and while you can’t see them, yellow-green shoes.

I would just like to apologize upfront, butt NBC has a pretty strong union, and they wouldn’t let me on the set. I did the best I could -remote refracting back into the camera lens - butt there are limits to what I can do off stage. I’m hoping Rege and Kelly have a more lenient union.




Left, promo shot for segment later in the program. Right, actual interview, with cleavage added by the helpful makeup artist on staff.

And here’s a shot of the shoes:


…and lastly, here’s MO doing her best Sarah Palin – who she never thinks of – impersonation for Matt’s benefit:


We’ve got to get over to ABC now. Later.

UPDATE III:  Well, things went pretty well over on the Regis and Kelly Live! set.

Look! Kelly doesn’t even look scared. Good thing she wore her 5 inch heels today though:


Even though we didn’t have time for a whole outfit change between NBC and ABC, we did make a few wardrobe adjustments: first, we tucked our boob flaps up and in so it didn’t look like we were leaking.


And we had our cleavage repainted over at ABC, in order to make us look more “natural.”  Not to dis the NBC makeup team, butt I think the ABC crew just “gets” Lady M a little better. What do you think?

FireShot-_1 cleavage paint shot

Repainting of the cleavage stripe-age: from NBC’s one dark stripe down the middle (amateur) to ABC’s  light stripe down the middle with a dark stripe on either side (definitely a professional job).

And for goodness sake, whoever would have thought that Lady M could learn anything from ditzy Kelly, let alone sitting decorum!!!!

Butt looky here, Miss Skinny Mini has all of her important parts covered, even though she has her legs crossed at the knee. That’s a good start, as far as Miss Manners is concerned.

1st lady legs 

And finally, a recap of all the money quotes from Matt’s interview this morning: here’s a clip of Lady M’s answers to the really important questions: “has Big Guy softened his position on Mubarak leaving?”“so the Prez has quit smoking, eh?” – and finally, “you’re not taking our tater tots away, are you!?”

This was a lot of fun. We should really do more TeeVee.


Linked by Chickaboomer. Thanks!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

First, They Came for the Happy Meal…

Gird yourselves, Lady M is on a 3 day rip.

Our agenda: LET’S MOVE! Specifically, we’re moving to “encourage” restaurants, to “voluntarily” reduce portion sizes and offer children’s meals that include twigs and sticks rather than French fries and soda.

worlds-smallest-burger_thumb[1]The new downsized Happy Meal: just like the new downsized economy – get used to it

It’s more like a game than an edict, really, in that Lady M’s front men who have been meeting with members of the National Restaurant Association for the past year have “challenged restaurant owners to change their menus, recipes and marketing practices to "give parents the confidence to know that they can go into any restaurant in this country and choose a genuinely healthy meal for their kids."

Now days it seems parents can’t do anything with “confidence” unless assisted by their federal government. Because parents are all stupid clueless victims of big business’ covert efforts to turn their children into fat clueless victims. And that’s where Lady M comes in:

Michelle%20Obamax-largeLet’s Move! You too can develop power-thighs – and buns of steel:

big butt Michelle_Obama_Olympians_ad34   mobutt 


Here’s our blitz plan for the one year “Let’s Move!” anniversary:

On Tuesday, Mrs. Obama marks her fourth session with the print beat reporters who cover her, pegged to the "Let's Move" program; on Wednesday she gives interviews to NBC's "The Today Show" and "Live with Regis and Kelly" and a group of online reporters.

Rege and Kelly!!!! That’s bigger than GMA, although not bigger than Oprah. (What is?)

As we have from the beginning, we’re working this problem from the top down: health by government regulation and fiat, rather than making it the responsibility of citizens to make good choices. Although technically Lady M has nothing against good choices.

It’s just that she and her advisors decided that it would be much better to tell private industry that they must submit to our demands to reduce portion sizes and the amount of sugar, salt, fat and flavor in their products than to tell people what they must do in their very own homes. Because honestly, we don’t have the power to do that yet.

And besides, how can Lady M tell parents that they have to teach their children discipline in order to make good choices and learn to eat right when we all know how stupid and undisciplined the parents are? Why, that’s just crazy!

So like most government programs we’re just going to address the symptoms rather than the underlying causes. It’s a lot easier to coerce businesses into doing what you want than individuals: the last people on earth you can hold responsible for a child’s health and well being are their clueless, easily duped parental units.


mo mickey d copy_thumb[2]Lady M embraces No fat kids’ behinds

Nutritionists and public health advocates give Obama high marks for putting healthy eating on the national agenda, but many worry she will be co-opted by companies rushing to embrace her without offering meaningful change.

Dr. David Ludwig, the director of the Optimal Weight for Life program at Children's Hospital in Boston, said: "The point is that the best initiatives can be subverted for special interest, and it's important to be vigilant when we form partnerships with industry."

 Really? I don’t think that sort of thing happens in our administration. All of our special interests are on our side.

Monday, February 7, 2011

More Prayers at the Big White

Another year, another Super Bowl, another mega-million-buck icon screws up the Star Spangled Banner. What is it about icons anyway – they can’t seem to get the simplest things right.

 108869096 Our icon got her gallant ramparts confused with her  gleaming twilights

It wasn’t really such a big deal: "O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming,"  sounds a lot like "What so proudly we watched at the twilight's last gleaming." Butt for future reference, Xtina, one little word: TOTUS.

Everyone at the Big White Super Bowl par-tay was too busy noshing and hobnobing to notice the little slip up. Unclear whether any of them would have noticed even if they hadn’t been schmoozing.

There was a lot of praying going on in the Big White last night.  You’re probably thinking “people praying for their team to pull it out.” Or maybe Big Guy praying that the Egypt situation would just go away  (looks like that one’s in the bag – our supportive media have pretty much pushed the mute button on that issue).

No, the prayers were from the guests invited to the BW Super Bowl XLV party: they were praying they weren’t going to be served Lady M’s special organic garden menu: rutabaga, turnip and collard green canapes,  quinoa and tofu burgers with radish sprouts, 5 bean salad and MO’s famous zero transfat and sugar-free brownies. Thankfully, there was divine intervention and the final menu was filled with all-American favorites.


sarah_palin3Hi,  I’m Sarah Palin, and I approve this Super Bowl Party Menu!  

Official Big White Super Bowl Party Menu

*Deep Dish Pizza
*Buffalo Wings
*German Potato Salad
*Twice Baked Potatoes
*Snyders Potato Chips and Pretzels
*Chips and Dips
*Ice Cream
*Beers paid tribute to the states of the Super Bowl teams: Wisconsin's Hinterland Pale Ale & Amber Ale, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania's Yuengling Lager and Light.
*White House Honey Ale

Lady M was observed enjoying the party fare, but was unavailable for comment.

chowline MO inspects what she expects our armed forces to eat


Big White Super Bowl Spread:

Chicken%20wings hot-dogs Hamburgers2101_468x708 deep%20dish%20pizza1-31

P.S. according to the Chicago Sun Times, “the White House Super Bowl menu does not conflict with (Lady M’s) healthy-eating drive because she has always allowed for lapses when it comes to food-we-love-but-is-bad-for-us, with instructions that junky eats be consumed rarely and in moderation.”

So there’s your sound bite: "Sarah Palin and Lady M agree on Big White Super Bowl party menu.” Proof positive that football is non-partisan.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Pop’s Big 90th Birthday Party

So, here we are in Michigan celebrating Little Mo’s Pop’s 90th birthday. Everybody’s here; Raj, Dewey from Detroit, me, Little Mo and all the millions of Little Mo’s sibs and nieces and nephews. One of Little Mo’s brothers broke his ankle a few days ago, so he has to scoot around with his cast encrusted tootsies on a really cool, well, scooter.

Pop was really happy to see everybody, especially Little Mo, because he didn’t know we were flying in for the big event. It was a really important birthday: not everyone gets to celebrate 90 years and also, it’s his first birthday in 65 years without Little Mo’s Mom, who slipped her earthly bonds for much better environs with the angels.

There will be too much food (as always), too much noise (as always) and the “Jeopardy” style game of guessing things about Mom & Pop, that happened before most of the partiers were born, will surely go on a little too long. The boy’s team will win because Little Mo is the oldest in his clan and knows almost all the answers.

There’s a ton of snow in southern Michigan, like nearly everywhere else, but our commercial flight managed smooth sailing and docking. Unfortunately Little Mo left his special B-Day card back at the Big White in all the commotion – the one featuring Pop’s two favorite appliances, a recliner chair and the remote control. Butt no problem, all the snow reminded me of a picture I saw over at Gerard’s American Digest, so Raj swiped it, I  trans-imaged some words onto it and Dewey printed it up:

happy birthday-pop-little mo copy

Well, I better run now, candles are being lit (although that could take awhile) and I’ve got some singing to do. Then, later, Pop is going to lead us in a toast to another very important guy born today too: Ronald Reagan would have been 100! Way older than Pop.

pops aviation days Ronald_Reagan_in_the_US_Army_Air_Force_1940s







Pop in his Navy fly-boy suit, Ronnie in his Army fly-boy suit.

Happy Birthday to a couple of our favorite Americans who both know a thing or two about the price of freedom.