Thursday, February 10, 2011

“Tell me lies. Tell me sweet little lies.”

I don’t know whether it’s true that the King of Saudi Arabia called Big Guy at 3:00 AM to tell him that he was riding the wrong camel in Egypt. I’ll leave that to him and his secretary to work out. Although, if I happen to see Joey B, I might mention that his observations on de-Nile situation don’t seem to be very helpful.

Butt I have much more important news from the home front to report on: Lady M’s No Child’s Fat Behind first anniversary speech delivered at the Alpharetta location of Atlanta’s huge North Point Community Church. She gave herself a well deserved pat on the back for the progress she’s made in reducing our fat kidz’ behinds:


“You wanted healthier, more affordable options on those grocery store shelves. So food manufacturers made a "Healthy Weight Commitment," pledging to cut 1.5 trillion calories a year from their products.** And Walmart promised to sell products with less sugar, salt and trans-fat - and to reduce prices on healthy items like fresh fruits and vegetables.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Big Guy promised to give the public five days to “look online and find out what's in it before I sign it," to eliminate earmarks “line by line” in order “to make sure that we are not spending money unwisely," and that his administration will be "the most open and transparent in history. Oh, and that “if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor.” And how’s that working out for you?

Lady M and Big Guy have been playing the “who can tell the most little white lies in one day” game for a long time. Butt yesterday, I think we can all concede that Lady M took the title handily.

Here were some of MO’s entries – and these are just from the morning shows!

Big Guy hasn’t smoked for almost a year. (Mostly Untrue. It depends on what your meaning of “smoked” is, as well as how you define “almost”)

obamasmokescreen “Almost” a year, butt still havin’ smokin’ dreams

Ikram is still Lady M’s stylist, “nothing’s changed.” (Mostly true. She has dumped Ikram, has a new stylist, butt still - not much has changed.)

leaving HI workin’ with our new stylist

BO doesn’t dye his hair.  (somewhat true, you don’t think he does it himself, do you?)

Two images of President Barack Obama from Jan. 19, 2011, one from morning (left) and another from evening (right). 
(Photos by Alex Wong/Getty Images) It’s all in the lighting

BO is not the least bit vain about his looks. (Completely untrue. Come on!)

bo in the mirror Obama-Mirror-blogSpan 1248073523114-barack%20obama







And then Lady M flew off to Atlanta to give her speech.

tootightinalpharetta We could still use a bit of extra fabric through the rear end

You’re going to have to count the little fibs there yourself. I just don’t have time with the continued roll out of our 2nd big “No Child’s Fat Behind” anniversary parties. Apparently I’ve been relegated to cake and brownie detail.

And finally, just one little observation: I have no idea why we changed clothes for the speech when the outfit we wore to visit the Burgess-Peterson Academy actually fit us and looked pretty good too - although I would have left the boob belt in 2009. Butt that’s just me. Otherwise, I really like this Dark Knight version of Peter Pan.

firstlady.0220 P020911LJ-0542

Charcoal gray slacks fit, tweed vest covers butt, turtleneck covers arms, boob belt, superflous. Butt still, mostly true!


In fact, this ensem might have been a better choice for the early shows too. And then we could have worn the same clothes all day long. You know? Like ordinary folks do?

michelle-obama-2011-2-9-10-30-16 A little less cleavage, leg and boob belt could have worked here, too.

** As we speak, Timmy Geithner and  Austan Goolsbee are working out a plan to translate that 1.5 trillion calories into dollars that can then be applied to our national deficit. That way Big Guy can say that he turned our deficit into a surplus. Are you beginning to get the hang of the game now?