Saturday, September 10, 2011

Some Won is Smarter than the Other Won

Today, just a quick little quiz.

After reviewing video evidence from Thursday night’s Rocco Recovery Plan, something becomes very evident:  Won is smarter than the other Won. Can you tell which Won is which?

I’ll give you a few hints that I’ve gleaned from the archival footage of the big speech. See if you can figure it out:

Unbridled joy:


Won of the Wons knows that just raising the cadence and inflection to the oratorical timber of a rousing Sunday morning sermon isn’t likely to create many jobs for Americans. Won knows that cynically asserting Republicans like Abraham Lincoln himself would support these proposals isn’t going to garner much support for another spending spree. And Won knows that insisting that “everything is paid for” when we still haven’t figured out how to pay for what we bought over the past three years makes it sound like we’re in the throes of deep denial. Won of them knows that it’s no longer sufficient to preach to the choir since we seem to have lost so many of them to the unemployment lines.

Unbridled enthusiasm:

unbridled enthusiasm mo

The other Won still thinks “Yes we can!” All we have to do is take the bread and circuses to the peeps.

“Here! Have a bag of my carmel corn!”

corn husker in iowa

And Won of them is getting a little cocky about it all – and won’t listen to any one’s advice anymore, including ValJar and Lady M. Oh oh! Did I just give the answer away?

Unbridled joy:

bo jointsession

Unbridled enthusiasm:

listen to bo

Let’s just say that Lady M, having once worked in a hospital, knows how to conduct triage better than Big Guy. She at least knows that when the patient is bleeding from the jugular you apply a tourniquet not a band-aide.

It didn’t take long for the the magic to leak out of the Capital and onto Wall Street. Yesterday if spilled over unto the floor of the New York Stock Exchange:

Screenshot Studio capture #245

Unbridled joy:

WS reacts to BO speech

Unbridled enthusiasm:

WS reacts to BO speech2

Butt forget about our Shoes For Industry speech for a moment –  everyone else has. I don’t want you to read too much into Lady M’s body language. The real explanation for her dyspeptic look at the big read is far more mundane.


And has nothing to do with pain pills and alcohol. It was just due to a bit of gastro-intestinal distress caused by one of our own Big White organic veggies. Since she hasn’t been eating well lately, Chef mixed some baby carrots in with Lady M’s pre-speech bowl of Cheetos, hoping she wouldn’t notice. She didn’t, butt apparently they were rogue carrots that came from the “evil” side of our organic garden of good and evil; they carried a few unauthorized  “organics” along with the usual. (Now I know why I’ve been dispatched to the Farmer’s Market this morning.)

Don’t worry though, as I’m sure you’ve seen, Lady M was in fine shape again by Friday morning for the “Let’s Move” tennis and hula hoop event in New York.


I know you’ve all been worried about Big Guy too. Butt again, no need. He didn’t seem to be effected by the toxic carrots. Maybe because he used enough hot sauce on his:


bo-mo-hot sauce

He is, however, just a bit cheezed with the R-words for not signing on to Rocco’s Shoes For Industry plan. So the Big White staff has gone into overdrive to take his message straight to the streets. More on that tomorrow. Right now, I’ve got to run to the market. I understand the organic veggies there all have to meet FDA guidelines.

Big thanks to Ann Barnhart for directing me to the video tape evidence!

Linked By: Key West Reader on HotAir, and Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, Thanks!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Recycling Success? “Yes We Can!”

By now you’ve probably heard about Big Guy’s Shoes For Industry plan. He wants it passed right now, because apparently things have gone critical since his return from Martha’s Vineyard.

Summoning up all of the Community Organizer skills honed over years on the South Side of Chicago, Big Guy turned into the attack dog for every union man everyman last night. He bitterly assailed all the usual straw men, held forth a stream of proposals that have never worked in the past, demanded immediate action from the establishment, and called for the peeps to stand with him in his pursuit of justice for all. If only he’d borrowed Al Sharpton’s bullhorn, and blamed George W. Bush it would have been perfect.

big job little bo_thumb[8] I’m Gumby, dammit!

His oratory, as usual, was eloquent. Speaking from the biggest bully pulpit of all, he sounded, well…like a preacher. And you all thought he was just day-dreaming while sitting in Reverend Wright’s pews for 20 years!

Butt, oh-oh! Even some of our lap dogs have started nipping at our heels:

The LA Times:

Citing the plight of millions of struggling Americans whose wishes for jobs Obama ignored for most of the 961 days he's been in office while chasing shinier healthcare and financial reforms, Obama said it was time that Congress stop blaming others. He said it was time members take responsibility for their inaction and halt their phony partisan games and political circus acts that pervade Washington culture.

Because the Americans Obama hasn't been listening to are really hurting now.

So given all that, I think you’ll understand why we’re going to stick to fashion analysis this morning.

Let’s start with the obvious: this is a country on the verge of a double dip recession – sometimes referred to as a depression. So we weren’t about to flaunt a new expensive designer frock on such an occasion. The handlers were adamant about that. So, out of solidarity with the millions of Americans who haven’t worked in months/years, Lady M recycled a little fuchsia number from the isle of misfits. Also, I would point out that fuchsia is in the mid-range of the red/blue spectrum.

Blue-Red%20SpectrumA bipartisan color message.

So: what did we wear? Our lucky Maria Pinto designer dress from  way back in the good old days, 2008.

michelle_obama_doll_jailbreak_toysArtist’s rending


Updated with a new boob belt. (note, that’s new boob belt, not new boob belt)

You have probably noticed over all these many months that Lady M  favors all shades in the bipartisan royal purple zone:

Screenshot Studio capture #240Screenshot Studio capture #241Screenshot Studio capture #242Screenshot Studio capture #243

Plus, royal purples are very flattering to her coloring, so there’s no surprise that she chose it for last night’s very important Big Guy Bipartisan speech on our incredible shrinking JOBS, Jobs, jobs situation.

Here’s something that isn’t shrinking however:

cripes suzette shotthat's my lady M

On the left we see Cripes Suzette’s annotated photo of the hot World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ early in the reign of error. Right, Lady M in a redone, rehung, form fitting hot fuchsia mess dress from last night’s Hugs for Thugs address.

So you see? The more things change, the more they really do remain the same.

      gal_mf16         great fit and color

Please note: this recycled Maria Pinto dress was not selected exclusively for it’s bipartisan color and excellent fit. It’s also a symbol of Lady M’s solidarity with all of the small businesses that have been shuttered due to the economic policies of George W. Bush that the R-words still refuse to ‘refudiate.’

Linked By: Key West Reader on HotAir, and centralcal on JustOneMinute, Thanks!

Obama’s Jobs Plan: Shoes For Industry!…WTF?

So here it is: the Won we’ve been waiting for! And it’s all so obvious, now that the Won has revealed the truth.

That’s right boys and girls, Big Guy has finally got his mojo back!  He rocked the house (and Senate) last night! Any Firesign Theater devotee (and who isn’t?) will recognize the meme instantly. And the answer was so simple I’m surprised Big Guy and his crack economic team hadn’t thought of it sooner.

Here it is: what to we need in order to get this recalcitrant economy kick started? Why, MORE SUGAR! Of course.

If you watched the speech, you’ve already seen the long version, butt for those of you who were too busy to attend church services last night, here’s the short form:

We will be running this as a PSA 24/7 on all of our supportive media networks from now right on through the election. I think it will grow on you.

Oh, and if you’re not familiar with the Firesign Theatre from the 1970’s because you weren’t born yet, or you were too busy working two jobs in order to stay ahead of stagflation, perhaps I should explain the conceit of “Shoes for Industry” (SFI).  It’s a modern variation on the older parable of the broken window which we first discussed back during the Big Black Bus Tour. Except on first blush SFI makes no sense at all:

"Shoes for Industry! Shoes for the Dead! Shoes for Industry!

HI! I'm Joe Beats.

Say, what chance does a deceased returning war veteran have for that good payin' job, more sugar, and that free mule we've all been dreaming of?

Now take off your shoes.

Now you can see how increased spending opportunities, mean harder work for everyone, and more of it, too! So, do yourself a favor, Joe. Join with millions of your friends and neighbors, and, TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES!

Butt it’s actually a brilliant, progressive economic plan. The concept, from "Don't Crush that Dwarf, Hand me the Pliers"  is that the only way to improve the economy in the surreal post-war world inhabited by George Leroy Tirebiter is to remove your shoes and turn them in to the government: thereby creating jobs for people to make new shoes to replace the shoes you’ve patriotically turned in. It’s sort of like daylight savings time – also a government invention.

So watch the PSA again. It’s the least you can do. Until we ask you to turn in your shoes.

Odd though, that everyone around here is completely committed to the SFI plan when they all so firmly believe that every other form of economic activity is a zero sum game. Maybe they just don’t completely grasp the concept of “zero sum.”

But alas, I digress once again. I’ll be back in the morning, with a fashion report. It’s a doosey.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Chickaboomer, Thanks!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Obama’s Rocco Recovery Plan

In case you were wondering – and I know you were – the answer is yes! Lady M will be present to listen to Big Guy’s speech tonight. She’ll be in her special FLOTUS peanut gallery (which has room for 20 special props du jour). Joining her this evening will be a whole bunch of little people who wouldn’t have jobs butt for Big Guy’s generous use of your tax dollars to “invest” in his favorite kind of “infrastructure for the future” -  railroads and high-speed off ramps. We had some people from the green energy business lined up too, butt apparently they got laid off last week and can’t afford the trip.

The joint sessions of Congress always provide us with fashions worthy of royalty; opportunities to display Lady M’s considerable talent for selecting and wearing extraordinary fashions.

waxsotu butt

Like these SOTU frocks from the past: he incredible inflating butt plum dirndle, and the platinum pre-wrinkled Jackie sheath.

In the past, we’ve gone dark and we’ve gone light. I’m guessing a nice, grey mid-tone for tonight’s fashion statement on our economic recovery. Either that or red.


So, only a few more hours before we find out exactly how Big Guy intends to fix the economy. I’ve seen his draft: I call it his “Rocco Recovery Plan”

“After an $830 billion "economic recovery" plan, two auto bailouts, cash for clunkers, mortgage bailouts and at least two subsequent jobs programs, Obama wants to convince the country that just a little bit more stimulus is what the economy needs to finally get back on track".

I sure HOPE, there aren’t many others who HOPE for a world with no place for Johnny Rocco!

While our official term for Big Guy’s economic strategy is “doubling down,” apparently there isn’t enough money left in the entire world to play our hand that way, so we’re just going to ask for a little bit more. To prove to our supporters that “we are on correct path now, comrades!”

I’m sure Big Guy is glad he moved his big speech to this evening, because he wouldn’t have wanted to miss the R-word debate at the Reagan Library last night. The bad news for the Big White coming out of the debate is that every one of the R-word candidates were deemed to be winners. The only losers on deck last night appear to have been Brian Williams and John F. Harris.

They both seem to have forgotten their briefing books and as result were left to shuck and jive instead. Although that may just be a new progressive strategy they’re trying out.

They managed to get through the debate, butt forgot to ask some of the questions that R-word viewers might have liked to see the candidates respond to, like anything regarding the nation’s precarious fiscal situation.It must have slipped their minds. Butt  they did manage to inquire about Rick Perry’s sleep habits.

It’s still a bit perplexing why the R-words continue to let the enemy camp define the who-what-why-and-how of their debates. Sheeze! I thought the hawkish R-words studied the Art of War.


"If an enemy has alliances, the problem is grave and the enemy's position strong; if he has no alliances, the problem is minor and the enemy's position weak."

Beware of those alliances; they present grave problems.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Behold: the Lightbringer

You’ll be glad to hear that Lady M will be back in circulation as of Sunday’s National Day of Service. I know you’ve all been talking and speculating about the “work” she’s had done over the summer: everything from liposuction to rhinoplasty to jaw reshaping. Let me just dispel those silly rumors once and for all.

First of all, she did not have her jaw reconstructed. Are you kidding me? That requires that you have your jaws wired shut for 3 months. No eating? No yelling? No way.

She may or may not have had her nose “freshened” up a bit - for medical reasons you understand. Nothing major, as you can clearly see for yourself:




Just a little subtle shaping. To help her breath easier.

mo nose comparison copy


Anyway, as of Sunday, Lady M will be ready to pay to play again. She will be following her own advice and performing community service all day long. First she and Big Guy will visit New York, Pennsylvania and the Pentagon: each of the three sites where 10 years ago to the day Muslim terrorists may or may not have piloted airplanes into a series of unscheduled hard landings.

Butt that’s not all: in the evening the Wons will attend an interfaith service and Concert for Hope at the National Cathedral where Big Guy will give an address. I’m not positive, butt I think the “interfaith service” might be a little strange since I’ve heard that no one is allowed to use the word “God” which pretty much rules out praying. Butt that’s ok, Big Guy will be delivering a speech, and that’s even better.

Butt that’s all next week. For now everyone around here is focused on the huge jobs, jobs jobs speech. The air is practically bristling with excitement. Everyone knows it’s got to be a barn burner in order to reverse these latest poll results, which seem to have lost their gyroscope:


As F. Chuck Todd explained, even Ms.NBC’s pollsters are concerned that the numbers indicate people are giving up on Big Guy. Maybe they better find some new pollsters; some who are not so biased.

I can’t of course divulge all of the finer details of Big Guy’s plan (they haven’t been written yet), butt I can tell you – per Fancy Nancy’s directive – that it will not include the word “stimulus.” Unclear why, something about negative connotations due to union payoffs or high-speed trains to nowhere, or something.

Anyway, it will include a lot of innovative ideas because that’s what people are looking for. So far there’s $300 billion for infrastructure (union) jobs and state aid to pay (union) teachers and (union) state workers (stimulus). That will all be paid for by increased involuntary contributions to the public coffers from the non-poor (tax the rich). So as you can see this is very innovative: instead of the usual tax and spend approach, we’re going to spend first and tax later. And HOPE for some positive CHANGE in the economy.

Oh, and did I mention the innovative Infrastructure Bank? It will be like Fannie and Freddie, except instead of providing resources for people who can’t really afford a mortgage, it will provide resources for construction projects that can’t make the cost/benefit cut. Like high-speed trains to nowhere. So that part’s pretty innovative. Plus, by creating yet another redundant agency in our Federal Family, Big Guy’s probably created or saved a good 250,000 jobs right there.

So it’s going to be an innovative jobs plan to put America back to work, one government job and subsidy at a time. Brilliant.

What less would you expect from the Lightbringer?

bo lightbringer


I’m not so sure now, maybe the electricity I’ve been feeling in the air around here is just static.

whitehouse lightening strike

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Dr Evil on HotAir, Thanks!

Experiencing Technical Difficulties

Due to technical problems, no post till later this afternoon.


Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Here’s our New Deal, and Don’t Call our Bluff

We’ve been hearing it now ever since the Big Black Bus tour: “we need to put country ahead of politics.” That means it’s our newest focus group approved theme. And it’s brilliant, because we  can use it as our mantra for any partisan position we choose to take.

So in Detroit yesterday, Big Guy began to roll out exactly how he intends to have you put country ahead of Republican politics – butt I hope you’re sitting down. Because it’s going to cost you to be this selfless. Think in terms of FDR’s New Deal, only a much, much bigger deal. Almost another “big f***ing deal.”

the-new-deal-obama-timeTime’s prescient cover, November 2008

Butt let me cut through all the Labor Day rhetoric and get to the heart of Big Guy’s New Deal. To summarize: “We’re going to create the best economy with the best jobs taxpayer’s money can buy.” And if you oppose it, you are a partisan blood-sucking racist.

Plouffe-Daddy worked right through the holiday on this meme. In order to kick start our plan for improving the economy ahead of the big Thursday speech, he got the talking points into the hands of all the people who would be appearing on the pre-game shows over the weekend.

First up we have Maxine Waters on Meet the Press telling us that   putting country ahead of politics will cost at least a trillion dollars for a jobs program. Never mind that Maxi couldn’t get within 100 of the correct number of zeros in a trillion -that’s above her paygrade. She’s the House’s senior black female shill, which means she’s bullet proof.

Screenshot Studio capture #213Put your money where my mouth is.

Then we had Jimmy Hoffa’s. (Jr., not the one buried under the Giants astroturf) take on putting country ahead of politics at the warm up for Big Guy’s Labor Day act in Detroit:


“President Obama, this is your army. We are ready to march. Let’s keep our eye on the prize. Let's take these son of a bitches out and give America back to America where we belong.”

Disregard the fact that the phrase “give America back to America where we belong” is at best a non sequitur and at worst gibberish; we all catch his drift. “Smash the Tea Party because America belongs to the unions.” Because we’re putting country ahead of politics.

bo totus govt motorsBig Guy and TOTUS in Detroit under leaden skies: Government Motors headquarters in the background

Big Guy thanked Jimmy for his kind words and went on to explain exactly how he intends to smash the Tea Party and give America back to the unions - apparently just getting the yeoman’s share of GM and Chrysler wasn’t adequate to repay his debt from the last election. So BO’s going to propose we spend a lot of money (probably a trillion dollars) on shovel-ready crumbling infrastructure projects that can only be be built  by union workers. (You do recall, don’t you, that Stimulus I jobs could only be bid on by union contractors or non-union contractors who agreed to pay union wages, benefits and follow all union rules, don’t you? That adds a 30% premium to the cost of projects, butt hey! That’s just more stimulus poured into the economy!)

The pro-union crowd gathered to hear Big Guy and TOTUS went wild:

crowd goes wild boFour more years! Barack Delano Obama! Four more years!

Is that not a brilliant strategy? Putting country ahead of Republican politics while still pandering to our largest remaining group of political donors and campaign bundlers? Pats on the back are in order.

Next up, setting an example of how to put country ahead of politics is Joey B :

“Not a joke, Not an applause line. You are the only thing holding the barbarians from the gate.”

joe_bidenHold on, hold on! I’ve only got 9 more points to make!

So who, exactly, are the barbarians at the gate he’s talking about? Well there are the usual Tea Party suspects: Ryan, Cantor, Bachmann, Palin as well as the new media Right Wing extremists like Drudge, Breitbart, Beck and Malkin. And of course there’s still the old guard: George W. Bush, Cheney, Rove. Don’t worry - thanks to Raj’s robust firewall, they don’t know about me yet!

Of course some – mostly partisan R-words and Tea Partiers - don’t consider any of the above to be barbarians. They finger instead, groups whose rhetoric and actions more closely meet Webster’s definition of “barbarian.” To whit:

violent looters:



london vand



anarchists (organized by cellphone – there’s irony for you):


and state Capital trashers:



On the upcoming 10th anniversary of the 9/11massacre, I might think we have enough real barbarians at our gate without having to create new ones by demonizing the internal opposition. Maybe we should just put country ahead of politics and focus on dealing with our real enemies.

They’re still out there.

terr19/11 terrorists: they may be gone butt their number is legion.

People who put ideology ahead of country – and everything else – are our true enemies. And as Big Sis keeps telling us, they can be either foreign or domestic. So if you see something, say something! It’s our patriotic responsibility.