Saturday, September 18, 2010

Take Our Constitution to Work Day

Yesterday, as I’m sure you know, was Constitution Day. In honor of the event, Lady M and Big Guy launched a new initiative: “Take Our Constitution to Work Day.”

It’s patterned after the hugely successful “Take Our Daughters And Sons To Work®” program whose objective, taken right off their official website, is: create an enriching educational experience for our nation’s daughters and sons. For over 16 years, individuals, families, organizations, and workplaces have joined in the Day to expand opportunities and transform the lives of millions of girls and boys both nationally and internationally.

In keeping with this theme, the O’s objective for “Take Our Constitution to Work Day” is “to create an enriching educational experience for our nation’s daughters and sons (no matter where they were born), by expanding the Constitution’s opportunities to everyone – citizen and non-citizen alike, no matter how they got here. And furthermore, to transform the Constitution to be inclusive of all laws - not just those written by our Congress (including, but  not limited to, Sharia law).”

Take Our Daughters And Sons To Work® posterchild work day“This is the dark side, son. Welcome to my world.”

gibbsy and son Robert Gibbs and son celebrating last year’s “Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day”


In honor of the special day, Big Guy wanted to slip a copy of the Constitution into his props before announcing the special appointment  of his comrade from Harvard, Elizabeth Warren, as special commissar to the newly-minted U.S. Consumer Financial Protection Agency.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t locate a copy of the Constitution anywhere in the Big White so Fancy Nancy’s staff sent over a copy they had, with all of the dangerous parts highlighted in pink.

Announcing Elizabeth’s appointment today was part of BO’s plan to demonstrate his more humorous side that we seldom get to see on display around here anymore – due to the number of situations that require him to speak sternly to the reprobates who just don’t get it yet ( Republicans, bitter clingers and stupid cops). I think this ironic side of Big Guy’s nature will play well to Hollywood - in case he needs to find a new gig in a couple of years.

Anyway, Liz will be reporting, jointly, to Big Guy and little guy -Timmy the Turbo-Taxman. That way we’re guaranteed that the Constitution can take a rest until next year.

warren aptConstitution Day contest: find the Constitutional Constructionist in this picture ( hint: it’s a trick question)

In order to celebrate, and give the Commerce Clause a well-deserved day of rest, MO suspended her plans for lecturing Restaurant owners on how much salt, fat and sugar they’re allowed to use in your favorite dishes.

hold the fat I said hold the fat!

Lady M’s staff also developed some lesson plans for teachers to use in order to instruct the children on the significance of National Take Our Constitution to Work Day. Intended to create awareness about the Constitution  and Founding Fathers,the lesson plans include a series of  Constitutional games that are both fun and educational:

  1. How many human rights violations can you spot in the the constitution?
  2. If the constitution was still relevant today, would you friend it on facebook? Explain.
  3. What basic human rights did the constitution forget to include? Hint: This video will explain all you need to know.
  4. Which clause in the Constitution as originally written is most out of date? Explain.
  5. If Thomas Jefferson were alive today, what hip-hop artists would he have on his iPod? Explore.
  6. Since we know that the Constitution is a living document, if it could talk, what would it say in support of Obamacare? Hint: look for the answer in the Commerce Clause.

At the end of the workday, MO and BO convened with key staffers for what has become our traditional Big White wrap-up for tough days; cocktails, snacks and adult parlor games. Yesterday’s games included “Name the funniest part of the Constitution” (the 10th Amendment won, after Big Guy eliminated Article 2, section 1, paragraph 5 from contention – he’s thin skinned that way); and “What’s the funniest thing they left out of the Constitution?” This one’s an oldie, but it always gets a good belly laugh from the staff, especially Toes:

best political cartoon-Dan Collins-croppedCLEANED cartoon by Dan Collins

Tonight: more wining, dining and dancing. Please, God, don’t let Lady M wear another rubber dress.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Top Ten Things MO Hates About Being FLOTUS

Yes, of course I saw it in the Daily Mail, just like everyone else: 'It’s hell. I can’t stand it!’ Carla Bruni reveals what Michelle Obama REALLY thinks of being First Lady.

Lady M’s spokesperson here at the Big White, Katie McCormick Lelyveld, immediately issued an official denial yesterday morning. Later in the afternoon Gibbsy tweeted out a denial from his official burrow. This was followed shortly by a spokeswoman for Ms. Bruni who said that First Lady Carla Bruni had nothing what-so-ever to do with the new, soon-to-be-released-and-sure-to-be-a-bestseller, book;although it was originally reported that Carla and the Ambitioust had been written in conjunction with Carla Bruni.

So, with all those denials floating around, you can pretty much bank on it being true. But everyone has agreed to pretend it never happened. That’s called circling the wagons in politics, and once again,the supportive MSM came through for us.

Butt just between you and me - since you all know it’s true anyway -I’ll tell you what Lady M really can’t stand about being FLOTUS.


10. Having to be on TV all the time: everyone knows TV adds 5 50 pounds.

 Michelle%20Obama%20ugly%20dress Who will be the next Food TV star?

9.  Not being able to go to your favorite church for Sunday services anymore.


Lady M, Reverend Wright, and the Sunday call to prayer:

obama button 

8.  You don’t get frequent flyer miles on Air Force Won, or Air Force Too.

statute_of_liberty_air_force_one Although you do always get direct flights, and the seats are extra-wide and comfy.

butt the seats are roomy and comfortable

7.  Not being able to shop at her favorite stores anymore: J.Crew and Target.

Albums of Lady M’s FLOTUS designer duds: actually,# 7 does seem to have some real drawbacks.


6.  Having to dine with European aristocracy instead of the gurl-friends who flew all the way to Spain just to spend time with you.

butt out Bitch!

5.  You’re confined to a VIP box surrounded by Secret Service at NBA finals, instead of getting to sit on the floor like other A-list celebrities do.

michelle_celtics MO, Granny and the girls, stuck in a VIP Box at Celtics game.


P Diddy and Snoop Dogg, above, Spike Lee and Larry David, below: ALL SEATED ON THE FLOOR!

Celebrities At The Lakers Game Bigp0MzLRiql

4.  Having to settle for Kobe burgers and truffle fries prepared by Big White Chef when you get a Big Mac Attack, instead of just grabbing a sack full at the drive-thru.


Late night snack sent up by Chef: sliders and fries


3.  The complications and sheer inconvenience of going out on date nights. 

  RNC-slams-Obama-Broadway-date-night Marine Copters,

obamas_dateAir Force 3 Gulf Streams,

nm_president_in_ny_090601_ssh and Presidential limos. Just to go to a dumb play.


2.  Having to interact with the adoring crowds while on vacation.

a_obama1_rect540 Blue%20Heron%20Farm

Gate at Blue Heron Farm, Martha’s Vineyard


gal_obama_motorcade_0821_gi Presidential motorcade on Martha’s Vineyard

Michelle_Obama_SPAIN_02_Villa_Padierna_in_Marbella Villa Padierma Hotel; Marbella, Spain. Beaches cordoned off for Lady M and her party:




1.  Smart-ass, snarky bloggers making fun of her every MOove.

Michelle Obama's Mirror


I better go have Raj make sure my firewall is still up and running.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Here’s Where the Rubber Meets the Load

Big, big celebration last night at the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute’s (CHIC) gala. Bigger than usual even, as they’re celebrating the 200th anniversary of the “independence of many Central and South American countries.”

More on that later, let’s get right to the important stuff: for the celebration, Lady M choose something from the Lady Gaga “Rubber meets the Road” collection.

rhumba Where the rubber meets the load

Have you spotted the newest fashion trend promoted here by MO? I mean in addition to rubber-wear? It’s this season’s hottest: leave the bling behind – just go with your own fabulosity! No brooches, no bangles, no diamonds, just Goodrich’s latest iridescent rubber and Lady M’s fab-u-lous hot bod.

Earrings were MO’s only adornment, and they were miniature replicas of manhole covers from Mexico City.

Big Guy was there too, of course: airkisses Air kisses! Wait a minute, is that a turkey neck on Big Guy?!

Let’s compare to last year’s requisite air kiss: 

airkisses09-ltn uh huh, someone’s losing a little weight, and someone’s... never mind


latin world  chic2

hispanic night    chci awards gala

If you don’t look closely, you’d never know that MO spent thousands of dollars for a new frock, dark sparkly rubber seems to be a traditional choice for this event. Not to mention what’s been invested in liposuction and super-commercial grade spandex. But hey, let’s just focus on her guns: are they loaded  this year, or what?

loaded guns

But back to the reason for all the celebration: according to CHIC’s website, “Celebrating History, Heritage, and the American Dream, commemorates the 200th anniversary of independence for many Central and South American countries and the 400th anniversary of the founding of Santa Fe in 1610.” Allow me to translate: Mexican Independence Day.  I’m not sure why we’re celebrating that, other than we have more and more of their citizens living here every year. But you’ll see from the linky above that teachers feel it’s important enough to dedicate 4-5 lessons on it. I wonder how many lesson plans they dedicate to American Independence Day?

Hey! Here’s an idea: maybe we can make it a national holiday! The Congressional Hispanic Caucus has been jealous of the Black Congressional Caucus for years now. Maybe if we give them their own holiday too, everyone can make nice and just get along. The way things are going with that Tea Party Uprising, we are going to need all of our hands on deck.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Life Imitates Art

Venue: Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute Public Policy Conference in Washington.

Message: Let’s Move those fat kids’ behinds!

Couture: So, so close.


It even gave us some wiggle room for a change, without looking like it would burst:


Aproximately 4 inches longer, to cover the knee cap, a dark bronze  shoe and we would have had a winner that required very little trans-imaging.

But those shoes! It’s going to be the blue-green Jimmy Choo’s all over again.

It’s not only the  unlikely-to-occur-in-nature shade of the blue shoes –it's the fact that somehow MO thinks they  go with anything. Look close:

blue shoesThere they were, last week too.

blue shoes

Lady M continues to believe that black goes with everything. I’ve explained color theory to her till I’m – a figure of speech – blue in the face. She just doesn’t seem to get the whole concept that “from a distance, the eye blends bright colors placed next to each other, but not colors that are isolated” thing. therefore, Bright blue dots on dark brown background – do not look bright blue to the eye. They look more like - navy blue. Navy blue, got it? Pair this look with play-dough blue shoes and they will “pop.” Not in a good way.

Just like blue-green shoes, combined with a yellow-green outfit, will “pop.”

michelle_obama_shoes_jimmychooThis outfit is yellow–green -YELLOW! GREEN! Blue-green does not go with YELLOW! GREEN!


Any more than BLUE-GREEN  goes with this red, white and purple-blue dress. I don’t care if they are Jimmy Choo’s.

Obama Awards Medal Honor Posthumously Soldier XYBKEuQ0oChl

Butt then, there were so many other issues with this dress we wore to the posthumous medal of honor ceremony that the shoe choice is really just nit picking.

I have considered the fact that we’re possibly dealing with color blindness: that Lady M cannot honestly tell the difference between  blue and green:

teal blue with green teal Teal blue dress, accented with teal green shoes.

Butt I don’t think that’s it. I’m fairly certain that the least of Lady M’s problems is color blindness.

Today’s art in real life lesson:

claude_monet_screensaver_250_paintings_26081 Monet's Garden

Monet’s painting: allows the eye to use it’s natural ability to color-blend bright colors into a pleasant picture of subtle colors.

Compare and contrast to Robert Motherwell’s painting:

motherwell Red 8-11 Red 8-11

Where the whole point is to have the eye isolate the color and form. Just a little something you learn in community organizing school.

"Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it."  Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals, #12

Sigh. Tune in later. Tonight we get another shot at the whole hot Latina theme at the Hispanic Congressional Caucus’ annual soiree. I’m hoping to catch a siesta before hand.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Nutrition and Economics: We Know More Than You Do

Lady M got right back to work yesterday: taking it to the NRA – that’s “National Restaurant Association” for those of you in fly-over. She really went after them for creating this nation’s fat behinds.

nraI’m telling you: less butter, cream and salt. For thee, not for me, because I’m smarter than you and therefore know how to make better choices.

And here’s a funny thing: it just dawned on me how much MO sounds like BO, especially when she takes TOTUS-too (T-t) along for her reads. Take yesterday: with T-t in tow, MO gave her Nutrition 101 lecture at the NRA meeting, calling the members out for making us all fat - because normal people don’t know anything about where calories hide.

big butt(Butt they do tend to know them when they see them)

“First, it’s important to reduce the number of empty calories that our families are consuming, calories that have no nutritional benefit whatsoever.  And believe me, I know this is easier said than done.  After all, we as humans, we are programmed to crave sugary, fatty, salty foods. And as people who work to meet those needs, I know it’s tempting to respond by creating products that are sweeter, richer and saltier than ever before.

But here’s the catch.  See, feeding those cravings does(n’t) just respond to people’s natural desires, it actually helps shape them.  The more of these foods people eat, the more they're accustomed to that taste, and after a while, those unhealthy foods become a permanent part of their eating habits.”

So you see, we’re all victims of the NRA.

Meanwhile, across the river, Big Guy did an impromptu drop-by in a Fairfax neighborhood (Congressmen Jim Moran, Gerry Connelly, the White House staff videographers and MSM cheerleaders just happened to drop by too).

And sure enough, the adjunct professor in Big Guy got the better of him, and he gave the group gathered there his Economics 101 lecture! Which was impressive, since he just got the script last week.

bova3Now, the challenge we have is, ironically, that if you start laying off a whole bunch of teachers, or a whole bunch of police officers or firefighters, now they don’t have a job, which means they spend less, which means that there’s less tax revenue.  And you start getting into a vicious, downward spiral.

See how BO was able to make this stuff simple enough for all of us to understand? Although I still don’t get what part of it is ironic. But that’s probably  next week’s lecture.

Anyway, as is Big Guy’s style when he leaves TOTUS behind, it was a full 65 minute class (and as is always the case, several of our students fell asleep). In addition to explaining everything that Big Guy knows about economics to these ordinary Americans who don’t even know how budgets work, he took the opportunity to point out who drove this economy into the ditch in the first place.

And this is an important point, so pay attention class: apparently our pollsters discovered that people are sick of hearing that the economy is Bush’s fault. So the new, reformulated Journo-list echo-chamber has decided that our new point man will be John Boehner: because he has lobbyist friends (oh,oh! If that’s illegal Charlie Rangel and Maxine Waters don’t stand a chance in their ethics hearings. Thank goodness, they aren’t till after the midterms), and he plays a lot of golf (do we really want to go there?). And beyond all that, as our old attack dog, Bob Schiffer,  pointed out on Face the Nation on Sunday, John Boehner still smokes!!!!  

Here’s Big Guy placing the blame for the economic mess where it belongs:

“John Boehner, who stands -- wants to be the Speaker -- the next Speaker of the House, if the Republicans take over, he specifically said, well, these are just government jobs and they're not worth saving.  And he fought -- he voted no on closing this tax loophole that was incentivizing jobs from going overseas.”

You’ll have to forgive BO’s unexpected inarticula-tatious-ness. He gets that way when he goes too long without a smoke.

Oh, and I forgot to get a full length snap of Lady M’s NRA outfit, but here is one from last year, with little Bah Bah Waters:

ht_michelle_barbara_091209_ssh Rachel Roy dress of roses and tweed. See why we didn’t do a full length this year?

Remember: Calories are those little bastards that the NRA hides in your food that get into your closet at night and shrink all  your clothes. Be on the look out.


Monday, September 13, 2010

Fashions that Say “Yes, We Still Can”

I know everyone is anxious to find out when Lady M is going to be hitting the campaign trail, and who she’ll be stumping for. But first things first: we’re working on our wardrobe. Because - as you all know better than anyone - looking good is job number one around here.

We’ve got a consultation set up with Lady Gaga later this week. She is a lady who shares our penchant for multiple costume changes at each venue. Take last night’s MTV Video Music Awards:

gal_gaga_awards3 Lady Gaga’s multiple-personalities at the VMA’s

From left to right, the black rubber dress that we might consider for our “where the rubber meets the road” campaign stops in Michigan; our red meat dress, that we’ll reserve for those venues where we need to throw a little at the base, and our Alexander McQueen original that we’ll save for – where else? – San Francisco.

So we’re resting up today ahead of announcing our new Fall schedule and a busy social schedule: both the Hispanic Congressional Caucus Party  AND the Black Congressional Caucus annual gala are coming up this week. You remember how much fun we had last year, don’t you? Boy, those were the good old days.

latin worldSequins, sparkles and diamonds at Hispanic Caucus night

…not to be confused with Latina Music night:


 bc dinner09  Feathers, lace and diamonds for Black Caucus night

…not to be confused with Music from the Civil Rights Movement Night:

civil rights Obama-music-performance

After partying this week, we’re going to have to get our keister out there to help save our Red State Dems’ keisters. Especially since Big Guy is pretty much refusing to come out from under the porch ever since the mean old Republicans started talking to him like a dog. It’s up to Lady M now.

And I assure you, she will be oiled, buffed, shined and sharpened before being unleashed to win the hearts and minds of the little people. She’ll do this by reminding them that if they’re not with us, they’re probably racists.

And since Lady M ended racism in Spain, I’m confident she can do it here too.