Saturday, October 1, 2016

Yes We Can Can!

Where exactly do you fall on the political spectrum Secretary Clinton? Stalwart Progressive, as you told us last July?

“I take a backseat to no one when you look at my record in standing up and fighting for progressive values.”

A Centrist like your dear husband, as you told us last month:

“You know, I get accused of being kind of moderate and center. I plead guilty.”

Butt really, what difference, at this point, does it make? Especially since your opponent is a xenophobic, Islamophobic sexist pig.  *cough* *cough*

hillary cough

I mean, Hillary could be a Marxist and apparently many former Republicans would rather have her in the White House than a man who says mean things about girls. And Hillary, good Christian that she is - unlike her godless opponent – wants to provide all the jobless millennials living in their parents basements (THANK YOU OBAMA!) with national service jobs (at tax payers expense) in order to “do good”. And get free college tuition in return. She cited her Methodist upbringing and Wellesley Ivy League education as the basis for her altruistic inclinations:

“For me, service is really all about fulfilling the instruction of my Methodist faith, and you can see part of the creed I like to follow behind me: ‘Do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.’”

I think Hillary should appropriate and enhance The Obama campaign slogan: YES WE CAN! CAN!

I wonder if those unemployed millennials know that they can already sign up for “national service” and get help with their college tuition. It’s called “the military” and they’ve been doing good for a lot longer than Hillary has.

marine-memorial.j iojima

And by the way Hillary, you missed a great opportunity to do good:

h is silent benghazi

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Friday, September 30, 2016

From Zombies to Clowns: Is America Going to the Dogs?

Bad news: just as the Zombie Apocalypse is beginning to wind down

zombie-apocalypseLike zombies, only no use for brains

we are besieged with an impending clown apocalypse which could be even worse.

hillary clown

Funny, it seems like only yesterday that America was facing a clown shortage:

What kind of a cruel joke is this? Just as we need circuses more than ever to distract the plebes, we have a clown shortage?

Membership at the country’s largest trade organizations for the jokesters has plunged over the past decade as declining interest, old age and higher standards among employers align against Krusty, Bozo and their crimson-nosed colleagues.

I would suspect this was another manufactured Republican scare story designed to destroy Big Guy’s policies if it weren’t such a perfect argument for letting more illegal aliens in to do the work Americans won’t do.

“What’s happening is attrition,” said Clowns of America International President Glen Kohlberger…. “The older clowns are passing away.”

bozosDon’t let those little ones out of your sight, they might decide to be engineers or accountants instead, and apparently we need more clowns.

With the imposition of higher standards for clowns these days; even those with a college degree in clowning can’t seem to meet private employers employers’ expectations.

“No longer is it good enough to just drop your pants and focus on boxer shorts.”

Yeah, that used to guarantee  you’d get a rise out of the audience..(more)

726074-clinton-lewinsky

Butt let me address this whole new clown apocalypse issue. It started as a rumor in 2014, ostensibly in France butt you may recall your intrepid reporter tracked it back to an incident in California earlier that year:

Paris (AFP) - A wave of panic sparked by evil clowns stalking French towns has spread to the south of France where police on Saturday night arrested 14 teenagers dressed as the pranksters, carrying pistols, knives and baseball bats.

"Since mid-October, a rumour inspired by videos published on the Internet, is worrying the population about the presence of threatening and aggressive clowns in France," the national police said in a statement this week.

Oh yeah, they so stole that idea from us: the whole concept of evil clowns was made right here - in America! And I dare say our evil clowns are much scarier than their evil clowns:

GUATEMALA/

Anyway, despite all the recent reports and publicity:

The reports to the police had one thing in common with the circus act involving an improbable number of clowns emerging from a small car.

They just kept coming, and coming, and coming, across multiple states. Clowns in vans. Clowns in the woods. Clowns lurking in the shadows. Clowns chasing people or doing crimes.

apparently there is no truth to this year’s rumor of scary clowns trying to lure unsuspecting children into the woods with candy.

Of course that all depends on what your definition of “scary clown” is.

hillary seizure gif

So keep your guard up. Just because you don’t believe in evil clowns doesn’t mean they don’t exist. And next time they may come disguised as a dog. Very evil. Very, very evil.

 

 

THIS POST WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY TRUMP’S DEPLORABLES

trump-dog-1

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Thursday, September 29, 2016

Because Money Makes Everything Better

Why not turn the internet over to the UN?  Just because Al Gore invented it doesn’t mean it belongs to us.

So why should the U.S. remain the protector of the open Internet? We’ve had it long enough, let’s give others a chance to play. Let’s let other countries, many of which want a closed, censored internet, take charge for awhile and see how that works out.

rouhani unLet’s let Sharia run the internet for awhile

And since everybody knows the UN is a great body working selfishly towards world peace, better race relations and Green energy, what could possibly go wrong?

"In particular, the legacy of colonial history, enslavement, racial subordination and segregation, racial terrorism and racial inequality in the United States remains a serious challenge, as there has been no real commitment to reparations and to truth and reconciliation for people of African descent," the report stated. "Contemporary police killings and the trauma that they create are reminiscent of the past racial terror of lynching."

Citing the past year's spate of police officers killing unarmed African American men, the panel warned against "impunity for state violence," which has created, in its words, a "human rights crisis" that "must be addressed as a matter of urgency."

In its report, it specifically dwells on the extrajudicial murders that were a product of an era of white supremacy:

Lynching was a form of racial terrorism that has contributed to a legacy of racial inequality that the United States must address. Thousands of people of African descent were killed in violent public acts of racial control and domination and the perpetrators were never held accountable.

The reparations could come in a variety of forms, according to the panel, including "a formal apology, health initiatives, educational opportunities ... psychological rehabilitation, technology transfer and financial support, and debt cancellation." – WaPo

Reparations_Stalin_PosterH/T Oleg

Now that Barry’s reign is finally drawing to a close, he just wants to secure his legacy and is taking no chances; the United Nations will be assigned responsibility for ensuring his fundamental transformation of America continues unchecked. Which is great news because, as we all know, what the world really needs are more bureaucratic overlords:

faceless-men2

Nameless, faceless, unaccountable functionaries whose sole role in life is to make yours worse than theirs. Who will pay us reparations for that?  Not that it will fix anything butt because money makes everything better, right?

money can't buy

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Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Oh Snap!

It was fun yesterday looking at all the so-called snap polls after the debate that named Trump as the winner.

poll2The  people are singing and the odds in Vegas are changing, baby!

I already reported on my own snap poll: I spent an entire day in the People’s Republic of Ann Arbor, where once upon a time every other car proudly sported an Obama bumper sticker. Then, earlier this year, many of the former Obama disciples quietly removed the detritus of the prior 8 years and replaced it with stickers identifying the new socialist lord and savior: Bernie Sanders. Nary a Prius could be found that wasn’t voting for the Bern! And now they’ve all been peeled off and replaced with…nothing. That’s right, 8 hours in AA and I spotted exactly one (1) car wearing a Hillary sticker with pride. In fact, there are still more Obama stickers surviving in A2 then there are “I’m With Her” declarations.

Based on my unscientific poll, which is as unscientific as any of them, I am predicting a yuge Trump win in November. And while I think the change of heart in Ann Arbor could be due primarily to the new take-no-prisoners football coach, Jim Harbaugh, results elsewhere can be attributed directly to Hillary herself:

"As soon as he travels to 112 countries and negotiates a peace deal, a cease fire, a release of dissidents, an opening of new opportunities in nations around the world, or even spends 11 hours testifying in front of a congressional committee he can talk to me about stamina." 

Benghazi-HillaryHillary’s Benghazi testimony: 11 hours of fury – hers, theirs and ours

 

That’s right. Hillary visited 112 countries as well as all 57 states. And all I got was this lousy tee-shirt:

hillary t shirt

I need to go in for a little re-wiring this morning, so please get out there and conduct your own snap polls and report back to the group. Tee-shirt sightings may also be used in lieu of actual polling.

hillary tee shirt silent hAlternate choice of lousy tee-shirts

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Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Trigger Warning: Biased Debate Ahead

I note there was a Trigger Warning posted at the Hofstra University debate last night:

CtTw_hDWIAARXqM.jpg large

They should have added “biased opinion journalism ” to the list, in which case the “Open Your Eyes” sign on the table next to it would have made sense.

My take on the the debate-by-moderator-fact-checking format: it was a draw. Trump didn’t go all nuts-o and start screaming at Hilz,  Hilz didn’t short circuit and fall over and Lester Holt didn’t moderate. Or ask Hillary any tough questions about her emails, Benghazi, or the Clinton Foundation scam.

Lester did manage to squeeze in a few tough questions:  about Trump’s racist birther position, Trump’s mean comments about women, Trump’s taxes and Trump’s bankruptcies. Really issues that middle-America wants to know about. Questions which might lead you to think that old Lester was in the bag for Hillary if you didn’t know that it was a fair and balanced debate. Not that it mattered.  People only watch these things to see their candidate eviscerate their opponent. That didn’t happen for either camp last night, so we’ll have to hold our fire for the next one. Maybe Trump could try preparing and see how that works out.

So, who won? I say draw, butt clearly Hillary and her little happy dance indicate she thinks she is WINNING!

So don’t worry, and don’t expect the trend towards Trump in the polls to change much. He did manage to slip out of the corral for a bit, butt at least he stayed on the farm. And while Hillary didn’t implode she didn’t move the dial on her likability scale either, confirming she’s still the unlikable woman we’ve grown to know and hate.  

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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Monday, September 26, 2016

The Podium Wars: Leveling the Playing Field

I see that President-Stompy-Foot-in-Waiting got her special Mine-is-Bigger-Than-Yours podium for tonight’s battle of the tongues.

Presidential-Debate-Podiums-e1474843397763

Along with a soap box to stand on.

Presidential-Debate-Podiums-e1474843397763“Lectern Power Supply” – makes you wonder what power is in this box that Hillary will be standing on.

Although in reality the slight of hand to make Hilz appear to be on par with her opponent requires some reverse engineering: the Hilz podium is actually smaller in stature with a yuge litter lifter box for her to stand on in order to make her appear – scale wise – as large as The Donald.

And do not think for one moment that Hillary won’t be on her game tonight. Just as some women spend their younger years planning their wedding, Hillary has spent her entire life preparing to be president.

hillary (2)Hillary: Lying to you since 1973

And nobody knows the value of optics better than the Clintons. Trust me, she will be on her game: plumped, pumped, waxed and shined.

hillary make up teamThe training-wheel years

hillary looking badDon’t worry, I’m going to wash my hair and grab a nap before air time.

So - after claiming there would be no stools, no podium adjustments and no little boosts from the moderators – we now have proof that this debate will harken back to the good old Candy Crowley days of media “neutrality.”

strongerI don’t think it means what you think it means.

Anyway, we should all be happy that Hillary has finally struck down the bias against short people.

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Sunday, September 25, 2016

Murmurations: When the beating of your heart echoes the beating of the drums.

I’m feeling a bit whimsical today so this flight of fancy is perfect. Photographer Dylan Winter captures the glorious “murmurations” of several hundred thousand starlings as they rise and fall, arc and plane in self-organizing choreography on their way home for the night.

Can you hear the sound of a half million wings beating in unison? That’s known as a murmuration, my friend.

.

I have found evidence of other equally impressive self-organizing “murmurations” where birds of a feather  flock together.  I know these have been posted before butt watch the whole thing anyway; it’s almost like going to church.

Can you hear it? The sound of millions of hearts beating in unison? That’s known as a murmuration, my friend.

When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

AlainDelorme_Murmuration03Murmurations #6, Alain Delorme

I don’t know about you, butt I hear America singing (h/t Walt Whitman). It started out as a murmur, butt it’s a full throated song now.

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