Saturday, June 4, 2011

Let’s Talk Baseball: Terrible Ted At the Plate, Weiner’s On Deck & Michelle Obama In the Dugout

Lady M was already smarting a bit by Secretary of the USDA,Tom Vilsack’s, rather dismissive, even derisive dumping of her “Pizza Wheel of Life” Food Icon in favor of the one he paid $2 million for:

gerard's food plate

Then Jewel, a loyal and regular contributor over at American Digest found an even simpler version that she linked to:

Jewel-food plate

And NOW, Lady M is all, like, getting her LaVaughn up, because nobody’s even talking about her Pizza Wheel, and everybody else thinks they’ve got a better idea than Tommy Sack’s 2 XXL dollar food plate.

So I probably didn’t pick the appropriate moment to run the Motor City Madman’s recommended version by her. Ted Nugent, world famous rock star and hunter thought even the simplified version could be simpler:

MOTUS-Jewel-food plate copyTed “Vegetarians are cool. All I eat are vegetarians - except for the occasional mountain lion steak” Nugent’s recommended Food Plate icon. 

I HOPE this is the end of the Food-Themed Plate Icon disputes. We’ve got a lot to accomplish in the next 18 months and we’re going to need every single fruit, nut and Barry  we’ve got in order to WTF (Win The Future).

Speaking of nuts and berries, if you were wondering why Anthony Weiner pulled out of his speaking gig at this weekend’s Wisconsin Democratic Convention at the last minute, it was due to the results of my “Which Tony’s Bologna Would You Buy?” poll from a few days ago.

The results confirmed that, in the opinion of the voters, Representative Weiner comes up a little short. After 2,260,000 votes were cast, Tony the Tiger pulled out the victory beating Tony Soprano by 50,000 votes and whipping Tony Weiner by a whopping 900,000 votes. Talk about spanking the monkey!

Confirming the poll results, American Idol judge Randy Jackson said he could tell from the git-go that Tony the Tiger was “in it to win it”, and JLo said that Triple T (Tony the Tiger) was the only candidate who showed up with “the whole package.” Steven Tyler added, “Well, hellfire, save matches, f*** a duck and see what hatches!” (Translation: That kid with the deep voice sang extremely well).

Butt I digress: our busy day on Friday included the spring organic garden of versus harvest which was, oddly, closed to all press other than that strange woman who runs the Big White Food Blog. Lady M greeted the children rounded up for the harvest:

huggsHave you noticed how we’re changing up our optics for these events? WTF!

said a few words, and then proceeded with the harvest:

First lady Michelle Obama tends the White House garden in Washington, Friday, June 3, 2011, with a group of children as part of the "Let's Move!"I sure don’t think that corn looks ready to harvest yet

Then, as a special treat, Big Guy arrives back at the Big White from his trip to Toledo (more on that tomorrow) where he bought Lady M some garden gloves at Fred’s Hardware

garden gloves fred's pro hardware

And presented them to Lady M when he landed


…as usual, a day late and a dollar short, since we were done with the spring harvest by then. Probably because we skipped the Rhubarb Dance this year.

Then we got cleaned up because if it’s June, 2011, it must be Presidential campaign season, right? And our day was not over yet.

It was on to our last commencement address of the season: the carefully selected graduation of just 35 students in Quantico, VA. Why waste Lady M’s considerable speaking skills on so few graduates, you ask? Did I not mention that it is campaign season? And the graduation was at the Qunatico Marine Base, where the Middle/High school graduation of children of service members was held last evening? 

racially mixed groupGraduation at Quantico Middle/High School, where they even have Caucasians of European heritage to pose with

Butt it looks like we still needed our doobie face on in order to to get through this.

sharing words of wisdom

So after a like, “congratulations kidz”, and “I feel your pain because our family once suffered from separation too when I was, like, a Senators wife” Lady M gave them all the thumbs up; an international symbol for her “Let’s Moove those fat behinds” and called it a night.

thumbs upNow that I look at the size of that thumb, I don’t think those new garden mittens Big Guy picked up are going to fit. 


She said Friday she had some inkling of the upheaval that military families feel from her husband's time in the Senate and on the campaign trail.

"We missed each other. We had misunderstandings, which is easy to do when you're only in touch through e-mail or phone calls," she said. "Sometimes our frustration that we weren't with each other would become frustration with each other.from Marine Corps Times

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on DougRoss@Journal Thanks!

Friday, June 3, 2011

It Might Be Time to Stick Your Head in the Sand

After turning out our $2 million dinner plate at the Department of Agriculture yesterday, (Wow! even Big Guy’s fundraisers can’t charge that much!)

9656934-largeYour tax dollars at work

in our summery, stripey topped frock


we had to prepare for our next big event: this year’s Architectural Award Ceremonies.

We didn’t really want to go, butt since it was the Pritzker Prize, and we’ve been the recipient of the Chicago based Pritzker family’s largesse in the past we felt obliged. This year’s award went to Portuguese architect Eduardo Souto de Moura whose work embodies a style that, in Big Guy’s own words, is as “effortless as it is beautiful.”

Boy, I’ll say, at least the effortless part:

 pritzkerPhoto Paula Rego Museum in Cascais Portugal by Eduardo Souto de Moura. Credit Luis Ferreira AlvesPaula Rego Museum in Cascais, Portugal, by Eduardo Souto de Moura. Credit: Luis Ferreira Alves

I’m no architectural expert or anything, butt the winning entry’s minimalist style reminds me more of a child’s sand castle than an architectural jewel. 


In his remarks, Big Guy confessed to once harboring dreams of becoming an architect himself. He had to drop out though, when he found out you had to take math. As he told the crowd:

"I expected to be more creative than I turned out, so I turned to politics instead,"

Heh. As if there’s no creativity in politics! Big Guy has been displaying his creative tendencies since he was sworn in. Take the economy for example; he’s found creative ways month after month to report bad news cleverly disguised as unexpectedly good news.

Butt unfortunately, even he’s getting tapped out now and this week’s reports are starting to emerge in their unvarnished state. And as you see by the looks on his and Lady M’s face, it isn’t pretty any more:


p3       p4


p5Containment system alert!

p6 Sheesh! They look like Pat and Dick Nixon. (Sorry, I know I promised no more weiner jokes.)

Here are a few of the random bits of this week’s economic news: Fewest number of jobs created in last 8 months (66% lower than expected). Housing starts down (again). Housing prices down (again.) Consumer confidence down (again). Unemployment rate, up (again).  No wonder the sour faces.

It’s as if the R-words drove the economy off the cliff in an American made 4-wheel drive vehicle:


Big Guy’s team came in to clean up the mess:

Screenshot Studio capture #088

Only to get swept out to sea in a tsunami (initiated by Bush)


that’s now threatening our very existence.


Watch out for that incoming wave! Talk about building sand castles in the air.

Linked By Vanderleun @ American Digest and by Labwriter @ Touched With Fire Thanks!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Michelle Obama’s New Food Icon: We Get to the Meat of the Matter

Linlked and Given “Drool-Cup Award” By: American Digest Thanks!

Later this morning Lady M (bona fide fashion icon) will be bringing her iconerosity to your dinner table. She’ll be joining Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack to unveil the new “food icon” that is replacing the old: “MyPyramid” 


which replaced the original “Food Pyramid”




which in turn was the government’s attempt at replacing common sense. So far, all of the government funded “what to eat” recommendations from the USDA have proved to be incorrect – especially that one funded by cereal makers and grain producers encouraging everyone to eat more carbohydrates. They’re grrrrr-eat!


Butt this time we’re feeling lucky.

I think it’s somewhat unfortunate that Secretary Vilsack will be joining Lady M for today’s very important paid political announcement. I think we’ve had altogether too many “sacks” in the headlines lately, and just HOPE this doesn’t throw the photo op off topic.

And I’m sorry I can’t give you a sneak preview of the actual “icon” because we’re keeping it under tight wraps – like it was some kind of super-secret government weapon or birth certificate or something. Come to think of it, we don’t even protect them this well. Still, I’m surprised some weiner hasn’t already tweeted it out.

I can tell you that it will be a huge improvement over the previous MyPyramid that people found confusing to the point of being unhelpful.

The second version ( was widely criticized for being difficult to read. "The last graphic was awful because it was so hard to understand"…

Imagine that! A government agency that can’t even make simple nutritional recommendations clear. Butt don’t worry, we do much better with large, complicated things. Say, like, the entire healthcare industry.

Anyway, I can tell you that the new food icon will be a "simple, plate-shaped symbol, sliced into wedges for the basic food groups and half-filled with fruits and vegetables."  That was Lady M’s idea: the round shape, sliced into wedges part.

This was Lady M’s first proposal - and personal lifestyle food icon. I’ve been told that the USDA did not accept  the Pizza Wheel of Life verbatim, but did retained it’s shape:

MO's Pizza Wheel of Life copy

Like King Arthur’s Round Table, it is totally non-judgmental: all slices are equal. Although, just like in real life, some slices are more equal than others.

Here are Lady M’s personal 9 essential food groups. I don’t think any of them made the final cut, butt we did stick with the original concept: round.

cheetos-1 slice copy     Cheetos


bacon slice-1 copy






dom slice copy    Dom


fois gras slice copy

foie gras





ice cream slice copy     ice cream


lobster slice copy






pizza slice copy    Pizza


truffle organic slice copy

Truffles, two ways

truffle-confection slice copy


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Michelle Obama in the Pour House?

"She looks as though she's been poured into her clothes, and forgot to say when."P. G. Wodehouse

Sir Wodehouse departed this earth in 1975 when Lady M was still a wee one, so despite allegations to the contrary, it’s unlikely that his quote was directed at her. That would be as silly as saying he was referring to Snooki, pour queen of the Jersey shore.


In truth, due to the au courant style, Sir Wodehouse might have been talking about any number of today’s celebrities. Lady M didn’t exactly invent this look, she just nationalized it:

rubberdressLady M wears U.S. Rubber, formerly B.F.Goodrich



Now offered in multiple colors:

fistbumpingdwarfsmo's backside

Butt just for example, he could have been talking about any one of the following:

jennifer_lopez_ass_on_capital_hill_004JLo visiting on Capital Hill


Kirstie Alley shows off weight loss after squeezing into skintight size 10 dress 3Kirstie Allie poured into her new “size 6”

77916546MS176_2007_AmericanBeyonce, being be-ouncy

Lady M, channeling that be-ouncy “let’s moove” energy:

s-BEYONCE-ANTIOBESITY-large               article-1383261-0BE45DA500000578-104_634x654-290x300

Below, Desperate House wife, Eva Longoria, also pouring it on Capital Hill. Gosh! Celebrities and Washington: what a concept!


Butt I think the evidence supports my theory that Sir Wodehouse was not talking about Lady M. Even the casual observer would have to agree that Lady M looks less like she was “poured into” her clothes and more like she has been stuffed into a sausage casing.


And speaking of which, be sure to tune in tomorrow for some additional tips on Weiner grilling. Just in time for all your summer “outings.”

H/T Larwyn

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on DougRoss@Journal Thanks!

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Perils of Identity Theft: Do You Know Where Your Weiner is?

OMG! If Congressman Anthony Weiner can get hacked, is anybody safe?

I’m sure you’ve heard of Weiner-gate by now. Doug Ross tracks the complete timeline and Iowahawk summarizes:

The Weinergate facts, as we so far know them: on May 28, @RepWeiner, the verified Twitter account of US Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-NY), posted a tweet of a y.frog photo of a slightly-built white male straining to pitch a pup tent in a pair of grey Hanes Underoos. Within seconds, Congressman Weiner arrived at the scene of the cybercrime and instantly recognized it as the work of a hacker who had simultaneously broken into his Twitter, Facebook and y.frog accounts. Working quickly, and without regard to his own safety, Congressman Weiner used his elite law school-honed internet security coding skills to wrest back control of his accounts, delete the offending tweet and photo, as well as unfollow a Seattle coed to whom it was sent. His Twitter perimeter once again secured, the intrepid Congressmen sent out a new tweet explaining how he was victimized by an Internet criminal mastermind.

Anthony-WeinerApparently a big mouth isn’t his only problem

Butt do you see a pattern?  First, someone stole Big Guy’s original Birth Certificate, then someone released an (alleged) forgery - which may or may not constitute identity theft. Then someone unleashed the use of the AOTUS to duplicate Big Guy’s signature and embarrass him by using the wrong date in the Queen’s book.


Could this all be related to the hacking of the conservative blog sites a couple of weeks ago? Is this something bigger and more insidious that partisan pranking? Could this be an Al Qaeda plot? A trial run for snatching identities of political personalities at will  to use them for nefarious purposes?

weinergate-tpcPhoto cred: People’s Cube

And now I understand it’s worse than I thought: in addition to his twitter and Facebook accounts, someone hacked into the Weiner’s Blackberry as well, and took the picture of his weiner! Thankfully it does not appear that anyone has hacked into Mrs. Weiner’s accounts so far. I’m not sure who would want to steal the identity of Humma Weiner anyway. Butt I tell you, other than her, no one is safe from the terrorists. Maybe it is time to sign up with Life Lock.

Butt enough of those problems. Big Guy had a busy Memorial Day weekend after returning home from Europe to bravely review devastated Joplin, MO,


Deliver some comforting words, and register some presidential emotion:

appropriate reaction:

i didn't do it

inappropriate reaction:

college green dublinOh wait, this one’s from Dublin. You know, after the Guinness.






Also in Joplin – and I know this was a special request, butt even so – a rather strange autograph session. I’m just worried about how this might be used later in the campaign.

 your'e kidding

Maybe next time we can just take the AOTUS along to perform these duties.


Then back to D.C. for yesterday’s Memorial Day services (no, not the golf game): After practicing in Europe, Big Guy performed the traditional Arlington Cemetery service at the Tomb of the Unknowns.

p053011ps-0468“To those of you who mourn the loss of a loved one today, my heart breaks goes out to you.” Whatever.

Lady M came too! To make guests like WWII hero Bob Dole and his wife Elizabeth feel welcomed. Despite Bob Dole being a well known spokesperson for the weiner pill Viagra, I’ve been advised that he is not considered a person of interest in the Weinergate investigation.

dole2Bob, Elizabeth and MO: can you tell which of these 3 has had the most cosmetic surgery? I’m just asking.

For the honor ceremony, Lady M chose one of her favorite form fitting royal blue sheath dresses


Which was lovely, and was still appropriate, sans pearls, for later in the day when we were at the pool,

Screenshot Studio capture #087

while Big Guy was on the golf course. For his 70th Presidential round and the 9th weekend in a row. I think this may be another historical first. Woo hoo!