I’m sorry to report that I now know what was going on with Joey B the other day when he Tweeted me, wanting to know if Lady M and I had our wench outfits picked out for Saturday.
It’s a long story, but it all started when we were vacationing out on Martha’s Vineyard. Sigh. What a great vacation: warm days, cool nights, hours spent deciding what Lady M would choose to wear to the Camelot funeral. The King is dead! Long live the King! But I digress.
It seems the trouble began when Joey B and Bags ( that’s our new nickname for Gibsy, ever since Rush Limbaugh started calling him “Bagdad Bob.”) were pal-ing around on the island. They stopped at a bar in Edgartown, where some bartender acted stupidly and told the two of them that Sept 19th is official “Talk Like A Pirate Day”. I wish I were making this up.
The two of them have been practicing ever since we got back. It’s been driving everyone around here freakin’ nuts. As I explained previously, Team Obama doesn’t even like to talk about pirates, let alone talk like them. It’s bad enough that we have to talk to them.
And yet, for 3 weeks now Joey B has been referring to himself as Cap’n Plugs, and Bags as Cap’n Treacle. For the life of me I can’t imagine why, but Big Guy actually gave these two dolts a couple of “Talk Like a Pirate” videos here, and here and told them they could practice with TOTUS – who, as you might imagine, is not thrilled.
So for days on end we have endured the likes of this:
Joey B: “Ahoy Cap’n Treacle, what be ye intendin’ fer them scurvy dogs on Cap’n Rupert’s swaggy FOX?”
Baggy: “Arrr, Cap’n Plugs, I be intendin’ ta keelhaul them scurvy sons of a biscuit eater, then I be sendin’ the lot-o’ them ta Davey Jones’ Locker.”
Both: “Arrr Arrr Arrr!”
And these were the guys making fun of Sarah Palin for dropping her g’s? I think she could probably swab the deck with those two. Or hog-tie them, which might be nice too.
But this morning was the last straw. They started calling TOTUS “swabbie” and me their “salty little wench”. I put a stop to that by threatening to micro-refract their already meager treasure pouches.
You owe me one “T”.
For those of you out there who want to join in their festivities (and if you do…please stop visiting my blog) I’ve included the “Pirate Dictionary” that Joey B and Bags emailed everyone in the Big White last night.