Saturday, December 19, 2009

Hope-n-hagen: Change We Can Believe In

Well as we expected, it was another big disappointment in Copenhagen. Those little people just don’t seem to get it: we won! But over there - in the land whose greatest claim to fame up till now was inventing breakfast pastries - we are 0 for 2.

Big guy took it all in stride and still gave a stirring and articulate read (which you can review, with annotation, over on Dewey’s site). Totus merged the read we’ve been giving to those troublesome blue dogs on our historic health care takeover bill - which is going down in flames - with our extraordinary words on the need for cap & tax trade in order to keep the planet from going down in flames.

BO pulled out all the stops to save our FPF (favorite planet forever). He even commissioned Acorn to design a billboard around one of his favorite slogans (HOPE) and exploiting featuring those adorable kids from Obamacorps.

 obama kids 

But some of our best friends really let us down. First, Hugo Chavez comes up to the podium right after Big Guy speaks and claims that he can still smell sulfur. That’s just rude. And a little juvenile. It was probably the Tex-Mex special they served on Air Force One on the way over.

We really expected a little more support “on the street” too. But Andy Stern decided to have his purple gang skip the summit. He’s using his “muscle” instead to protest Big Guy’s healthcare bill, just because it doesn’t have a public option (yet). Boy, no matter how much money you throw at some people, you get no loyalty guarantee. These guys might as well be politicians.


Bad enough they didn’t turn out to support our global warming effort, but worse, the SEIU did send some clown in from L.A. just to taunt us. Big Guy didn’t like that a bit. He likes to do all the taunting himself.


MO and O  were back at the Big White, monitoring the event in real time. When it became obvious that we were going down in flames (along with the rest of the planet), they decided to monetize the disaster. So beginning with the new year, Lady M is going to personally embrace global warming and make it a positive part of our brand: HOTTER THAN EARTH copy

Because let’s face it, the planet isn’t really melting. And this White House gig isn’t going to last forever.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Warming Hearts and Minds In Copenhagen

Well, you’ve probably heard by now that we couldn’t talk Big Guy out of taking another heart breaking trip to Copenhagen. We fully expect that he will come home empty handed, but Gibbsy assured Toes that he will have talking points ready to help the supportive press see this as a historic and robust step forward no matter what.

Obama Fort Hood

TOTUS told me BO has loaded two extraordinary reads on his hard drive: one that praises Americans for electing him so that this historic deal could be reached, and one apologizing for the harm Americans have done before he was elected.


Although they had a swell time when they were here last fall,Lady M and Oprah decided to stay home this time, so that we could focus all the blame for the failure to reach a carbon deal on State Department fall-gal, Hillary. It seems she can’t get the Chinese to accept our demand for “transparency” in monitoring CO2 limit compliance. Apparently Hil has not properly clarified for the Chinese what Big Guy means by “transparency”.

I’m a little disappointed because I was really looking forward to all the snow that Al Gore arranged so that the attendees could see what it used to be like in Copenhagen before we gave the planet a fever. And, as you regulars know, we’ve assembled a stunning wardrobe of insulated outfits that would have been perfect.

From what I’ve seen so far though, the little people down on the street are not as cute or happy as the Oslots. Gibbsy says they are anarchists. Maybe it’s just me, but they look more like communists.

commiesFrankly, they scare me a little, but Big Guy says they are completely harmless. We’ve been monitoring the conference from the Big White, and it looks like everyone is having a lot of fun. Except maybe for the cops. So far my favorite part has been watching the snowball fight between the global warming “anarchists” and the capitalist ghosts who changed our climate. They’re not keeping score, but it looks like the capitalists are losing.


Thursday, December 17, 2009

Lady M’s Holiday Gift Return Policy

Not to be outdone by Big Guy, Lady M played Santa Claus yesterday,  handing out hundreds of donated “holiday” toys.232x279

Just like BO, she got her toys for redistribution from an extortion scheme too:

Earlier this month, when she unveiled the White House Christmas decorations, Obama also kicked off a toy collection drive to benefit Toys for Tots. So far, White House staff have donated some 500 gifts including board games and Legos and at least one spectacular Barbie Corvette.

You can bet that whoever donated that corvette is going to get a nice “holiday” stimulus this year, compliments of the O’s and the American people.

For the occasion MO wore a festive multi-holiday black and white tweed jacket that the press keeps calling a “pea jacket” but since none of them have ever served in the military they don’t  know what a real pea jacket looks like.

Note: no belt navy pea



This, for all you fashion-challenged dweebs, is properly known as a trapeze jacket. Just the thing for hiding those pesky holiday handles under it’s swingy shape.







Above, MO is advising a Toys for Tots volunteer that she’ll have to take the goodies back after the photo-op, because this is just the first stop on our tour.

She made up for taking the toys back by conferring good wishes on the Marines and the rest of the little people in attendance:

"On behalf of the President, Malia, Sasha, Bo and Grandma, we wish everybody a happy holidays, Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukah, anybody who's out there celebrating anything: happy!"

Big Guy better watch out, Lady M is becoming nearly as eloquent and articulate as he is: and without a teleprompter.


butt0x“I need this one back if you’re done playing with it.”

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Big White’s Open Door Policy

OK people. You can calm down, so we had a couple extra guests for breakfast, what’s the big deal? So what if they showed up for a tour of the Big White on the wrong day? We just showed them some D.C. hospitality, for goodness sake – we were having breakfast anyway.

And besides, it happened way last month, on Veteran’s Day: long before Crasher-gate. This is just another example of FOX News trying to make us look sloppy and incompetent.

state dinner impostersjoeyb and gatecrashersstate crashers

Honestly, we don’t need their help.




We just happen to have the most open, transparent administration ever. And we’ve demonstrated that we welcome all sides into the Big White. Remember?


We even invited that cop who acted stupidly over for a beer.




So our policy from day one has always been that we welcome all of the American people into our gracious home.

Some of our friends:

    valerie jarrett desiree snobcheryl crow  reid-pelosipalin oprah2

Some of our enemies:

sd7carla5 clintonsEPA2311_468x420

Everyone, and I mean everyone, is welcome here.

Well, almost everyone. Hospitality does have its limits.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

They’re Both Batt-y


Big Guy went out to the local Home Depot to put a plug in for home weatherization. He told the crowd that he thinks insulation is “sexy.”

Normally I’d say that was just too much information, but I have to admit, it’s beginning to explain a few things about MO’s wardrobe choices. See what you think:


Space age insulation





gold insulationmotusUS President Obama At Nobel Peace Prize Ceremony - Oslo_1260475787941 


Strangely Layered retrofits:

belt  yellow mo belted PicApp Search results for michelle obama_1260911605433 PicApp Search results for michelle obama_1260910510370 PicApp Search results for michelle obama_1260911481617 PicApp Search results for michelle obama_1260911433838

Corning pink batt wraps:


PicApp Search results for michelle obama_1260910400326 PicApp Search results for michelle obama_1260910867521

PicApp Search results for michelle obama_1260910574173 PicApp Search results for michelle obama_1260910323194 s-WHITE-HOUSE-PINK-RIBBON-large

And even a a couple that incorporates all three:

luau mo-pink shirt base copy

If you find insulation sexy too, you’ll definitely get off on this video. Don’t worry, it’s not X-rated:

Inflation In the White House (I’m Not Talking Cleavage)

Did you all see us on the Oprah show Sunday night?  It was magical. Well, ok, it was scripted - but then, what isn’t? It was really cute. Little Bo did his performance (no, not that performance) in the hall way.michelle-obama-oprah-dog

Then we had some  playful sparring over who gives the best presents around here. Just between you and me, neither MO or BO would make the top 10 list in that category (I’m sure the Queen and Gordie B would agree with me). But those two O’s – they compete over everything!


The three sugar plum fairies

As I told you earlier, we wore a plunging neckline, sugar plum velvet dress (Azzedine Alaia,who also designed our Spanx/Speedo gown for the Nobel party) which coordinated with Oprah’s dress in a lighter shade of prune and Big Guy’s tie. And you wonder why we have 12 stylists on staff? These things don’t just happen, people.


I tried to refract Lady M’s dress length a bit longer over the gangly knees, but one of Lady M’s dozen stylists insisted that this is how she wanted it to look. I better spend some time catching up on my In Style mags this weekend. Apparently knock-kneed, bow-legged is an emerging fashion forward trend that we are promoting this season. I’m not sure how this turns into a money maker for Ikram or anyone else, however. Maybe it’s the leg glosser we’re promoting.


Then we got into the serious stuff: Oprah asked Big Guy how he would grade his first year as President. Good thing we practiced this one, because originally BO was going to say A+. Rahmbo said that might be going just a bit too far. So Big Guy gave himself "a good solid B-plus." I guess there’s been some grade inflation since I came out of the NASA Academy. Anyway, he said it’s a B+ because he hasn’t been able to get everything done yet, like Obamacare and Cap and Tax Trade. If he had gotten those through, it would’ve slid -along with his ratings - to a solid “F.”

So what do we have to be grateful for his year? The Tea Parties, ClimateGate leakers and Congress. Thanks for holding those bills up, guys.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Bowing To Tradition

Sunday was another big day. We were all over the television networks. And we also continued with our plans to celebrate the great American non-denominational, diversity-approved holiday of Festivus later this month,(in truth, we’ve been celebrating all year: at least with respect to the “airing of grievances” tradition) In the evening there was another lovely Christmas in Washington party and concert. A lovely celebration. And Lady M looked lovely too in a sleeveless, pleated little black jersey number:


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Does it remind you of anything? That’s right. Marilyn didn’t wear stockings either!

It was another star-filled evening (aren’t they all, when the O’s appear?) marred only by one teensy little slip up. Big guy mistook Santa’s elves for some of the little royals from across the pond, and did one of his signature royal bows:

bo bow to royal elves 


He finally got low enough to realize his error, and felt a little bit sheepish.





Over all though, he gave himself a B+ for the performance. More on Oprah and 60 Minutes later.