Saturday, February 4, 2012

Visas, Volts and Cheeky Ads

Do you remember the Google+ “hangout” discussion that Big Guy had last week with Jenifer Wedel? She’s the wife of the semiconductor engineer whose been out of work now for 3 years?  She asked BO why the government is still issuing and extending so many H-1B visas to aliens when there are tons of skilled Americans like her husband still out of work.

I don’t think Big Guy’s staffers did a very good job briefing him on this visa issue: he thought all an alien needed to get a job here was a social security number. And they’re certainly easy enough to get:

Screenshot Studio capture #385More…

Heck Big Guy himself has at least 3!

His staff swears they briefed him adequately for this carefully prescreened question butt he was apparently distracted by other presidential duties at the time.

bo rearranging furnitureA little more your way; I don’t want the sun in my eyes when I catch a little shuteye.

Anyway, Jennifer’s question  was addressing Big Guy’s comment in his SOTU speech about issuing MORE H-1B visas to keep foreign hi-tech students here in the States after graduating. He seems to think we don’t have enough qualified workers of our own. So Jennifer’s question didn’t compute in Big Guy’s big brain, and an awkward conversation followed.

Anyway, I’m not saying that Big Guy doesn’t understand the whole green card/off-shore controversy; just that maybe he could stand to brush up a bit on a few of the details. Like the ones that effect jobs. And the American economy.

I don’t know why one of his super-smart staffers can’t write one of those “classic 3 box con memos” so Big Guy can just check a box and solve this vexing issue once and for all. If they had done this, Big Guy’s $50 billion auto company might not have awarded their $3 billion advertising account to an off-shore firm. I don’t have any idea what they were thinking, because all you have to do is watch one episode of Mad Men to know that Madison Avenue practically invented advertising!

mad man barry copyAdvertising: the art of making something…from nothing.

All I can assume about GM’s move to an overseas ad agency is that they were really impressed by this vintage cheeky wide-body AMC ad that I posted the other day


They’re hoping that the Aegis agency can produce something equally hot and sexy for the Volt: our car company’s sexy new plug in coal-powered car.

Here’s one of their story boards currently under consideration:

MO-AT butt butt copy“Why grip the pole when you can drive with coal?”     

H/T curmudgeonly and skeptical via Gerard

We’ve apparently already tried doing our own ads in-house:

“This isn’t just the car we wanted to build, it’s the car America had to build. SERIOUSLY!?!?!            (H/T: Chicks on the Right)

So far the ad hasn’t generated the kind of results we hoped for: not only are the Volts still not flying off the lots, now we can’t even get the dealers to stock them. Hence the last ditch off-shore effort to develop a new ad campaign.

And if that doesn’t work, we’ve still got one surefire shot left in our barrel.  We’re going to have Nancy introduce the Victory Over Legacy Transportation act (VOLT) in the House, and Harry introduce the Clean-Renewable Automobile Program (CRAP) in the Senate to address both the rising cost of cars and the problem of excess usage of gasoline. The bills will mandate that all Americans purchase a G(overn)M(ent) Volt (and a fire extinguisher) or a similar clean electric vehicle every 3 years. Failure to comply will result in the imposition of a “dirty transportation” tax of $10,000 per year. The tax will be waived when you stop defying/resisting Big Guy’s CRAP.

And don’t forget, if you buy one of Big Guy’s cars today, he and your fellow taxpayers will give you a $7500 (middle class) tax credit towards the purchase of your own $45,000 car that, according to Eric Bolling, gets about 30 mpg!

Wow! It’s great being part of Big Guy’s special team. It’s sort of like having a friend with privileges.

Linked By: sb on Weasel Zippers, and NOBO2012 on Chicks on the Right, Thanks!

Friday, February 3, 2012


RETURN TO DefCon 1: Little Mo has returned us to DefCon 1. We can now stand down as it appears everything is back to normal. Whew!

In what was a busy news day, the annual D.C. Prayer Breakfast still took front and center:

 bo mo saying a prayerMO and BO: they came to play pray

This year presented yet another big historic presidential first for Big Guy: Yes, yesterday marked the day that the D.C. Prayer Breakfast jumped the shark. Wading into the  previously non-partisan sea of faith, BO parted the waters into a Red Sea and a Blue Sea; injecting political partisanship into what has historically been an opportunity to thank the Lord for the blessings of the prior year, and pray for his guidance in the upcoming one.

Fomenting class warfare into the last acceptable gathering of religious and political leaders allowed in Washington: that’s one way to fundamentally CHANGE America!

I guess those 20 years in Reverend Wright’s church pews finally paid off. Just as it appears that we might have to pander to Christians to lock up our win this year, Big Guy has conveniently re-discovered  his Black Liberation Theology Christian faith. He had totally forgotten that it supported his populist position of taxing the rich in pursuit of social and economic justice. That is, until one of his political flacks  focus group strategists Christian outreach advisors reminded him.

“I actually think that is going to make economic sense, but for me as a Christian, it also coincides with Jesus’s teaching that ‘for unto whom much is given, much shall be required,’”

“We can all benefit from turning to our Creator, listening to him,” Obama said. “Avoiding phony religiosity. … This is especially important right now when we’re facing some big challenges as a nation.”

By all means, let’s lose the “phony religiosity” getting in the way of dealing with our challenges. To fully appreciate the reality TV effect that Big Guy was going for in his remarks - achieved by leaving TOTUS home - you really have to watch the live action. That way you can see how humbly he refers to his notes to quote that famous line from the gospels:

video platform
video management
video solutions
video player

Butt let’s not inject any more religion into what is clearly a secular political gathering: let’s go directly to the year-to-year fashion review. Here we are, left to right, at the prayer breakfast in 2009, 2010 and 2011.


2012, definitely the winner so far. We just seem to get better every year!

mo bo wave

Looking back, you can see that we started our dental work way back in February of '09:


Workin’ on our choppers

We avoided smooches that year, and just sipped a little orange juice. By the 2010 Breakfast we were able to sit up and take a little nourishment. Feeling lovey again, MO gave BO a kiss of peace.

   michelle-obama-and-barack-obama-pic-reuters-757346771 And, as you see here, both Lady M and Bo passed this Pax on to San Fran Nan yesterday.

obama-prayer-breakfast-jpeg-02dd8bonan smooch

Remember Nan: “for unto whom much is given, much shall be required.” Now let’s get out there and win one for the Gipper!

So, now that we’ve settled on our newest campaign mantra (WWJD? WTF?) we’ll be incorporating Jesus’ support for class warfare into all future campaign speeches and playing the Christian Card at every whistle stop from here to November.

To wit, here’s Lady M yesterday, demonstrating how seamlessly that works in her video-remarks to a group of Big Guy supporters in Ohio, a very important state that – incredibly! - seems to be in play in this next round:

"We're here because our families worked hard to make sure that we had the opportunities that everyone should have.[ed. whether your family works hard or not?] Barack and I are both motivated by a desire to pay those blessings forward,"[ed. with your tax dollars]"Your president lives by the principle that to whom much is given, much is expected."[ed. that’s directly from the Bible!]

"Since the day that I've met my husband, I've watched him work tirelessly to try [to] make a difference in other people's lives. He does that because for him, all of this is all very personal. [ed. we know that]You know Barack's story," the first lady said. "Barack and I both watched our families work hard to make ends meet."

"That has been the direction of his choices through out his life," Obama said. "How can he use his blessings and his gifts to help as many people as possible." [ed. He has a gift, you know.]

"We are blessed to have someone not just of his intellectual caliber

bo's teleprompter in waiting

Powered by TOTUS

but with such a strong grounding of values that all of us identify with

bo god bless

This month’s values brought to you by our Bitter Clingers and TOTUS

-- these basic American values that have made our country great and will continue to make us the strongest country in the world," the first lady said.

Obama's remarks came at the end of a conference call designed to motivate and engage Ohio activists, as the president and his team hone in on issues of economic fairness [as defined by OWS] and the revitalization of the American manufacturing sector.

I am so looking forward to the campaign season. I have a feeling our wardrobe might not be the only high note this time around.

Obama 2012, Our Savior in Chief

"With due respect to the president, he ought to stick to public policy. I think most Americans would agree that the gospels are concerned with weightier matters than effective tax rates.” Senator Orin Hatch

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Two Hogs, Two Shadows

Allow me to apologize before I begin. We have another historical first to rack up so it’s my dutiful responsibility to report: Yesterday marked the first time ever that a FLOTUS “dropped to give us 25” in a celebrity contest on national daytime television:

And let the record reflect that Lady M whipped Ellen’s skinny little blonde butt.

mo elllen dig itOh yeah! I’m number one!

Although this was not, technically, the first time Lady M has done pushups on television. That international milestone was reached last June when we were in Africa and Lady M challenged Archbishop Tutu to match her awesomely toned guns in a few on-stage pushups.

DESMOND TUTU And a fair match-up it was

She whipped his butt too, so let’s not be making this into a racial thing.


And when all is said and done, let me be perfectly clear: this was just an exhibition, not a competition.


Another thing you may wish to make a mental note of for future reference:  when Lady M breaks out her black leather jacket, athletic feats will follow.

Unless she decides to go with the purple sweater:

First lady Michelle Obama does jumping jacks with 400 school children on the South Lawn of the White House, on October 11, 2011 in Washington, DC. First lady Michelle Obama led local school children in doing one minute of continuous jumping jacks while attempting to help break the Guinness world record.The Jumping Jack Queen in green. And Purple.

Now, if we wear bright orange, like we did yesterday:

long orange  mo

paired with bright yellow and royal blue…

mo gonzales mrkt

and appear with local politicians, we’re probably talking healthy food initiatives in an underserved community.

mo jugosNo, you idiots, that’s “JUGOS” –  “juice” for you anglophiles.

Or perhaps orange means we’re educating attentive young children on how to avoid fat behinds by moving and eating their veggies.

232x400yeah he's thrilled

“Get up and move that fat old butt an hour a day”

Oh, and we also managed to squeeze in couple of “pretty-in-pink” moments at two DNC fundraisers with Hollywood moneybags while we were out in California on official Big White business.

beverly hills fundraiserDue to a photo embargo on anyone paying big bucks to the Obama Victory Fund, this is not an actual picture of the event. Butt we did see our shadow.

Lady M gave her standard Obama Victory Fund Speech:

“Over the last few years, your president has worked very hard to dig us out of this mess and we have made some magnificent progress.”

“He needs you to make those phone calls, write those checks, register those voters,” she said. “Convince people what’s at stake and ask them to give just a little part of their lives each week to this campaign.” 

Although she could have skipped everything other than “write those checks” for this crowd.

Lady M was also overheard sucking up to Harvey Weinstein, telling him how much she and Big Guy liked his new film “The Artist” which is up for an Oscar.  It’s a movie about a silent movie actor who refuses to CHANGE when the rest of the world moves on to talkies.  She didn’t tell him that what Big Guy liked best about it was that it was a silent movie; that allowed him to watch a basketball game with the sound on at the same time, while simultaneously talking all the way through it.

I better wrap it up now. Big Guy has summoned his entire team to come up with some new ideas to pander to help the middle class and eco-greenies. I suggested that he invite Punxsutawney Phil to the Big White to celebrate his unbroken, 126 string of accurate prognostications. Big Guy thought that might make him look small, butt warmed up to the idea when I reminded him that Phil is from a swing state. I’ll let you know how it goes. In the meantime, here’s a little glimpse of the Big White’s pre-Ground Hog Day private prognostication festivities earlier from this morning:


Hear Ye Hear Ye Hear Ye

On Gobbler’s Knob on this magnificent

Ground Hog Day, February 2nd, 2012.

Punxsatawney Phil, the Seer of Seers,

the Prognosticator of all Prognosticators

was summoned from his burrow in the old oak stump

by the tap of the President of the Ground Hog Club.

He greeted his handlers and

After casting an appreciative glance

towards the thousands of his faithful followers,

Phil proclaimed:

“As I look at the crowd on Gobbler’s Knob

Smiling faces do I see

Only one term of Obama it will be!”

Woo Hoo!

I am so fired.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, Thanks!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

JayMo and Mustang Sally: You Guys Just Bu-Rock My World!

Screenshot Studio capture #380I’m too sexy for my skin, too sexy for my skirt, too sexy for my…

Sparkly gold top, tight, shiny (recycled) J Crew green skirt, bejeweled belt. Oh yeah! Big Guy may be “gorgeous” butt we are so hawt!

Screenshot Studio capture #374We’re talkin’ JayLo territory hawt!

Screenshot Studio capture #376Note the special color coordinated mic that Lady M is wearing: it’s good to be Queen

She chatted Jay up like the pro she is – covering everything from exercise, (kick boxing is one of MO’s favorite ways to release tension – hence the need for my bunker) to BO’s singing – and although MO said he sings all the time and has a beautiful voice, the Wee Wons are not impressed: “Anything we do is highly embarrassing.They just want us to be very quiet.” Out of the mouths of babes.

Then suddenly the JayMo conversation took a turn to the dark side: fruits and vegetables. Jay’s sworn enemies.

MO forced Jay to eat a veggie pizza…

mojoy pizza

apples dipped in Big White honey (don’t go there!) and sweet potato sticks with green sludge sauce.

Since turnabout is fair play, Jay made Lady M eat the one vegetable she’ll admit to hating: beets. It almost made her hurl, butt she managed to swallow. She should have dipped it in some of that famous Big White honey herself.

You can watch her involuntary reaction here if you insist:

Screenshot Studio capture #381"Ewww," indeed.

Over all, I think the taping went pretty well. Like everyone else who shows up on the Tonight show, Lady M was there to hype a couple of her projects – Big Guy’s reinstatement as Resident in Chief, and her soon-to-be-released book The White House Kitchen Garden.  She didn’t come right out and say so, butt all proceeds from both projects will be donated to the Obama Foundation for Better Living, a 501c charitable trust.

Today we’ll be going grocery shopping in a food dessert and picking up a few clams at a couple of DNC fundraisers. Full report at 11.

Meanwhile, news from the R-word encampment: The Mitt-ster was the big, big winner in the Florida primary. You can tell he’s the favorite at this point, because Big Guy is already running against him.

Mitt, as you may recall, has Michigan roots (home of Big Guy’s car companies) His father – before he was Governor of the state – was CEO of American Motors back when the American auto industry was the Big Four rather than the Little Two and the Won. In case you don’t remember AMC, here’s one of their innovative little gems that might jog your memory - the Pacer:

01-1975-amc-pacer-xThe wide-bodied AMC Pacer, circa 1975

The extra-wide compact model was iconic in its day. Unfortunately, it’s day wasn’t much longer than that, although it was exported abroad for several years where it was embraced warmly. Here’s how the French promoted it in the 70’s:

AMC_Pacer_1975_French_advertisementNow here’s a car Lady M can really get her butt arms around!

Damn! The French can make anything sexy! Maybe Mitt should hire some Frogs to tart up his campaign a bit.

Butt I digress: I was going to tell you about Big Guy’s trip to the Washington Auto Show yesterday. He wanted to say hi to the CEOs of the two auto companies he personally saved with the American taxpayers money, and humbly accept their gratitude, expressed on behalf of the American people, yet again.

While he was there Bo checked out all of the innovative hybrid models made by his auto companies. But as is often the case with big game fishers, Big Guy was magnetically drawn not to the ones he landed, butt to the one that got away:

little bo mustang 

Whoa! Ford Motor’s Shelby Super Snake Mustang! 800 horse power harnessed under that hood!

Can your Chevy Volt do that Mr. President?

610x70Not so much.

No? I didn’t think so. Oh yeah, and don’t forget to toss your extension cord in the trunk!

Anyway, I have it on good authority that BO will be highlighting his role as personal savior of the American Auto Industry in the upcoming WTF 2012 campaign. If anyone asked me, I’d advise against this “narrative” as people were just starting to forget how he screwed the bondholders in order to save the UAW’s pension plan.

apple2You’re welcome. Signed, The American Taxpayers.

Probably because he’s pretty emotional about this, BO got a little tongue-tied at the Auto Show without TOTUS  :

"The U.S. auto industry is back." "And," he added, "it's good to remember that the fact that there were some folks who were willing to let this industry die. Because of folks coming together, we are now back in a place where we can compete with any car company in the world."

We’ll work on syntax with TOTUS later. In the meantime, before worrying about competing with “any car company in the world,” I’d start worrying about competing with the one right here that got away.

Seriously, ask yourself: WWJ drive?


reddy kilowatt


The Chevrolet Volt: 1.4L engine pumping out 83HP on Premium gas

0-60 MPH N/A : top speed 55 MPH




AD-pb-120131-mustang-obama-345p_photoblog900 Take a video test drive here

F-Word Mustang, Shelby GT500 Super Snake

5.4L V8, 750 or 800 HP on Regular gas

0-60 in 3.2 seconds


Here’s the one I want (Do you think it looks a little too Red State? I could get it in blue.)

motus gt500

I may have to wait for that little raise Big Guy promised before I can place my order. Sure it’s pricey, butt it’s a Shelby Mustang!

H/T Gerard

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Comrade Vlad Linen on The People’s Cube, Thanks!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Job Won: Getting Our Priorities Straight

Screenshot Studio capture #373Hi every body! (H/T: Dr.Nick Riviera)

Yesterday Big Guy hosted his first ever “live” interview via Google+ “hangout”. There were live questions from 5 average Americans hand selected from the 227,000 who took the time to submit questions & drop a few shekels in our WTF 2012 stash!

It was 50 minutes of beautifully choreographed give and take that managed to touch on all of Big Guy’s priorities: jobs, taxes - lower for the middleclass, higher for the 1% - small businesses, students, jobs, cheap student loans, jobs, education, empowering our kids to be smart consumers, jobs, veterans, jobs. Additionally, it showcased how much Big Guy can relate to average Americans, and really cares about their problems.

Everything went like clockwork except when Big Guy forgot for a moment whether he created 3 million jobs in 22 months or 22 million jobs in 3 months. Don’t worry though, he recovered quickly for a nice save.

So today everyone has been dispatched to address those priorities: Joey B will speak at two fundraisers in Texas, Big Guy will attend two swanky fundraisers here in D.C. and Lady M will be on the left coast, hitting up a DNC fundraiser in L.A., followed by an appearance with Jay Leno on the Tonight Show and then another fundraiser tomorrow. So I think we’ve got all of our bases covered.

Lady M covered one of our constituencies priorities – veterans - yesterday, when she and Hilda Solis met with members of military families to announce some confusing new rules written by our team assigned to pander to address veterans’ issues.


The proposed rules would allow spouses, parents and children of service members to care for their loved ones, attend military functions, or deal with child care and family finances “without fear of losing their jobs,”Solis said.

So we can check that one off our list.

Later yesterday Lady M taped a PSA for NFL Play 60 Super Kid, to be aired on the Super Bowl:

NFL play 60 Super Kid james Gale moLady M gives NFL PLAY 60 Super Kid James Gale a tour of the Big White. He can play later.

What, pray tell, is NFL PLAY 60 Super Kid, you ask? Well, it’s part of Lady M’s No Child’s Fat Behind program: the “Get up and play 60 minutes a day” part. Goodness! As many of you have pointed out, it’s a sad day when the government has to remind kids to go out and play. Butt this is what it’s come to, and somebody has to do it. It might as well be Lady M.

One more brick in the load.

      tagflying againjump

Oh, and one more bit of news that you’ll be happy to hear: As it turns out, NOBODY is responsible for Fast and Furious. At least nobody important. Just a couple of flunkies way down the feeding chain who have already been promoted or retired, with phat pensions, out of their positions anyway.

So I’m glad that’s settled. Good to know that the guns really did just walk across the border on their own.

And lastly: a big, big R-word primary in Florida today.


I’m calling on all MODs, MOLs, MYDs, MYLs and FOMs located in the sunshine state to be our boots on the ground down there. Keep us apprised as the exit polling rolls in. And remember, if you see something, say something!


Because inquiring minds want to know.