Allow me to apologize before I begin. We have another historical first to rack up so it’s my dutiful responsibility to report: Yesterday marked the first time ever that a FLOTUS “dropped to give us 25” in a celebrity contest on national daytime television:
And let the record reflect that Lady M whipped Ellen’s skinny little blonde butt.
Although this was not, technically, the first time Lady M has done pushups on television. That international milestone was reached last June when we were in Africa and Lady M challenged Archbishop Tutu to match her awesomely toned guns in a few on-stage pushups.
She whipped his butt too, so let’s not be making this into a racial thing.
And when all is said and done, let me be perfectly clear: this was just an exhibition, not a competition.
Another thing you may wish to make a mental note of for future reference: when Lady M breaks out her black leather jacket, athletic feats will follow.
Unless she decides to go with the purple sweater:
The Jumping Jack Queen in green. And Purple.
Now, if we wear bright orange, like we did yesterday:
paired with bright yellow and royal blue…
and appear with local politicians, we’re probably talking healthy food initiatives in an underserved community.
Or perhaps orange means we’re educating attentive young children on how to avoid fat behinds by moving and eating their veggies.
“Get up and move that fat old butt an hour a day”
Oh, and we also managed to squeeze in couple of “pretty-in-pink” moments at two DNC fundraisers with Hollywood moneybags while we were out in California on official Big White business.
Lady M gave her standard Obama Victory Fund Speech:
“Over the last few years, your president has worked very hard to dig us out of this mess and we have made some magnificent progress.”
“He needs you to make those phone calls, write those checks, register those voters,” she said. “Convince people what’s at stake and ask them to give just a little part of their lives each week to this campaign.”
Although she could have skipped everything other than “write those checks” for this crowd.
Lady M was also overheard sucking up to Harvey Weinstein, telling him how much she and Big Guy liked his new film “The Artist” which is up for an Oscar. It’s a movie about a silent movie actor who refuses to CHANGE when the rest of the world moves on to talkies. She didn’t tell him that what Big Guy liked best about it was that it was a silent movie; that allowed him to watch a basketball game with the sound on at the same time, while simultaneously talking all the way through it.
I better wrap it up now. Big Guy has summoned his entire team to come up with some new ideas to
pander to help the middle class and eco-greenies. I suggested that he invite Punxsutawney Phil to the Big White to celebrate his unbroken, 126 string of accurate prognostications. Big Guy thought that might make him look small, butt warmed up to the idea when I reminded him that Phil is from a swing state. I’ll let you know how it goes. In the meantime, here’s a little glimpse of the Big White’s pre-Ground Hog Day private prognostication festivities earlier from this morning:
Hear Ye Hear Ye Hear Ye
On Gobbler’s Knob on this magnificent
Ground Hog Day, February 2nd, 2012.
Punxsatawney Phil, the Seer of Seers,
the Prognosticator of all Prognosticators
was summoned from his burrow in the old oak stump
by the tap of the President of the Ground Hog Club.
He greeted his handlers and
After casting an appreciative glance
towards the thousands of his faithful followers,
“As I look at the crowd on Gobbler’s Knob
Smiling faces do I see
Only one term of Obama it will be!”
I am so fired.