The Shorter Path to Transparency; Version 2–just in case version 1 shows up

BREAKING NEWS: Big Guy’s Net Neutrality goons are on to me!!!
They took down my Thursday post and since Raj’s firewall kept them out of my dashboard, they crashed all Thursday posts by EVERYONE on Blogger!  And then they blocked all subsequent Blogger posts all Friday morning.

Raj is doing his best to bring my blog and all the other Blogger blogs around the whole wide world back online. Butt he’s operating under the fog of drugs due to treatment for a severe flare up of an old cervical injury sustained while skiing in the Himalayas. We’re nursing him along, butt in the mean time, technical support has been severely impaired. This couldn’t have happened at a worse time.

Interestingly, yesterday’s topic was “transparency in government,” which I had to expand to include “Net Neutrality”  - one of those terms that means almost the complete opposite of its words.

Anyway, once Blogger was up and available again around 1:00 PM I tried to post my little update and guess what? ZAP! Like a mosquito! All my inside the beltway observations swallowed up by Adam Smith’s invisible hand. I’m sure that this recent interruption of service is related to Big Guy’s FCC plan to make things on the interwebz “more fairer” for the severely underrepresented Leftwing bloggers and news sites.

I just never dreamed that my little blog would be embroiled in Julius Genachowski’s illegal sweep and clear.**

“First, they came for the News.” Any of us could be next. I guess I’m lucky that I didn’t just get “removed” without comment like Ann Althouse’s blog did. I can’t locate her any where! If anyone has heard from her, please let me know so I can stop worrying.

Anyway, it doesn’t look like the innertubz maggots are going to give me my post from yesterday back, so I attempted to recreate it for today’s business. Keep your fingers crossed. Of course if you’re reading this, I guess it worked.

**BTW, file this one away under “camel’s nose in the tent.”

””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””

Today’s topic is transparency in government. Which is not to be confused with “truth in government.” I think we can all agree, “truth” is a relative term. Unlike transparency. Which means “maybe you can figure out what we’re doing behind the curtain, and maybe you can’t. We’ll let you know.”

For example, take Big Guy’s mission to take out Osama. It turns out that when Leon Panetta misinformed us about there being no video for 25 minutes of the SEAL raid on the OBL compound, he was transparently telling us it was none of our business. Technically it isn’t a lie if nobody believes it anyway. And as it turns out there are actually 25 tapes of the event:

CBS News national security correspondent David Martin reports the 40 minutes it took to kill bin Laden and scoop his archives into garbage bags were all recorded by tiny helmet cameras worn by each of the 25 SEALs.

So someday, if we are feeling transparently transparent, you might  be able to watch with your own eyes Big Guy actually plugging Osama between the eyes.

There’s also been a bit of blowback from Big Guy’s transparent claim earlier this week that the southern border problems have already been solved, and that the R-words are just whining. It seems that this was just a bit too transparent, and a lot of people saw it for what it actually was: pandering.

"We have gone above and beyond what was requested by the very Republicans who said they supported broader reform as long as we got serious about enforcement," Obama said Tuesday. "They said we needed to triple the Border Patrol. Well, now they're going to say we need to quadruple the Border Patrol, or they'll want a higher fence. Maybe they'll need a moat. Maybe they want alligators in the moat. They'll never be satisfied."

Some people think this kind of transparency is lying, while others claim that it’s just one of Big Guy’s patented straw man arguments. Such arguments are often held forth by a “shorter,” defined by Professor William Jacobson as “someone who exaggerates someone else's opinion, or creates a false choice between two extremes.” In the interest of transparency, you understand, not to mislead or misinform.

Also in the interest of transparency, here’s a fact check on Big Guy’s claims. It turns out that some of them are true, butt irrelevant:

“The Border Patrol has 20,000 agents – more than twice as many as there were in 2004, a build up that began under President Bush and that we have continued,” the president said.

It’s an unusual metric for the president to compare the number of Border Patrol agents now to the number there were four years before his presidency began, but what the president says is accurate.

while others are…truly untrue.

“Five years ago, legislation was passed to build a 700-mile double-layer border fence along the southwest border. This is a promise that has not been kept.

Today, according to staff at the Department of Homeland Security, just 5 percent of the double-layer fencing is complete, only 36.3 miles.

The Government Accountability Office (GAO), Congress’s investigative arm, reported in early 2009 that only 32 miles of double-layer fencing had been built. That means under President Obama, only 4.3 miles of double layer fencing has been built. This is woefully inadequate. 

Look at that border! I give myself an A-

Butt maybe you would like to hear one sheriff’s take - from one county in one state on the Mexican border - on the current status of our southern border security:

There is no river between Arizona and Mexico to create a natural obstacle to illegal immigration, drug trafficking and human smuggling, and our county is a major corridor for all these. At best, illegal aliens and smugglers trespass, damage ranchers’ land, steal water and food and start fires. At worst, people who have come here hoping for freedom and opportunity are raped or abandoned by smugglers and left to die in the desert.

It’s getting harder to tell the difference between undocumented workers and terrorists

Butt we do seem to have slowed or stopped the flow of illegal alfalfa seeds:

Big Guy examines confiscated food items at Bruno’s “one stop shop” on the border: “I’ll take these sweet potatoes for Michelle”

So I’m thinking maybe we should put the alligator speech down as one of Big Guy’s “shorter” transparencies.

And that brings me to this: while not technically a “lie,”  it is a bit of deceptive transparent artifice: there will no longer be any reenactments of speeches from the big White. You probably didn’t even know we did that: that’s how good we are at transparency around here.

Reenactment: not really speaking, catching flies

Apparently this tradition is to prevent Presidents from being distracted by cameras clicking and flashing in real time. This is particularly distracting to presidents who can’t really do two things at once well: like read and pose.

Butt someone in Big Guy’s inner circle determined that this practice leaves us exposed to claims of deception and since it was easy, we  imperially banned it from our campaign administration. I believe the thinking was that if we give up this non-consequential  non-transparency,   the marks people will be looking the other way when we shuffle the pea around under the shells as we execute our real con agenda. (see here for a more complete explanation of how this works)

Butt the biggest news coming out of this announcement as far as I’m concerned is this:

There are conflicting accounts on whether technology exists to take photographs without distracting the president. One idea could be using mirrors so photographers could do their jobs out of the president's sight line…

This is pretty exciting! I might have a new official job! Maybe I can get a new outfit.

If I get the job, I can assure you that you’ll never see another picture like this:

In this reenactment, not only can you see the fly on BO’s forehead, butt a noticeable indentation in his temple and a hand in front of the million dollar lips. Bad optics.

Control your optics, control your message.

After that, transparency is optional.

Now shut your pie hole and go home!

Sorry

Well, the good news is Blogger is back up, sort of. The bad news is that the post I worked on all morning disappeared into the ether when I tried to post it. Disappeared from my Blogger, gone from LiveWriter, nowhere on my computer. Poof! It’s gone.

I need to tend to some errands and will try to resurrect or more likey redo it later today. Apparently I really have been caught up in the Net Neutrality sweep (one of today’s topics).

Will report back later.

Comprehensive Immigration Reform: WTF Now!?

Did you see Big Guy with his fans in El Paso yesterday?

Big Guy “bonding” with a special fan

For people who’ve been wondering why Obama shot Osama last  week, this trip might provide a hint as to the timing. “Some critics say” that the assassination was done to boost Big Guy’s numbers ahead of his push to get his Hispanic base back in his boot camp. They think he shafted them by ignoring his promise to pass “comprehensive immigration reform”, aka amnesty, as he promised.

I believe the implication is that now that he’s “hot” again, he’s going to start pushing Latino buttons with the “I’m too sexy for my shirt” theme in hopes of sucking this portion of his Democratic base back into the WTF pot. How cynical is that? I mean the people who think that’s what he’s doing, because you can tell from that picture, it is so working!

In other, unrelated, news, Big Guy invited a small group of elite Latinos to the Big White last week to “brainstorm” with him on what could be done to advance comprehensive immigration reform. Included in this Hispanic brain trust was Eva Longoria – actress and masters degree candidate at CSU Northridge  (because that’s what this country really needs: more desperate housewives with masters degrees in Chicano Studies). When she emerged from the think tank, Eva told us:

'The people who were in that room have a very strong presence in media so we have to help reshape the immigration talk and rhetoric about it being about xenophobia or anti-immigration. It's really an economic decision', she explained.

 

Eva explains comprehensive immigration, and economics, to Dave

I’ll bet Big Guy never thought of this, butt Eva might prove to be a very helpful advocate in advancing his agenda with Latinos. And she’s hot too!

 Eva does D.C.

Meanwhile BO’s plan to WTF with Latinos is to pander campaign in heavily Hispanic states and make fun of the R-words who want a strong border policy. Apparently the R-words think we’ve got too many illegal  undocumented workers here already. So this allows Big Guy to place the blame firmly where he wants it:

…the strategy allows Obama to highlight that Republicans are the ones blocking an immigration bill - shifting responsibility away from himself as his re-election campaign approaches.

While implementing tried and true Alinsky Rule # 5. Here’s Big Guy unleashing the alligators:

On his first trip to the U.S.-Mexico border since becoming president, Obama boasted of increasing border patrol agents, nearing completion of a border fence, and screening more cargo.

"We have gone above and beyond what was requested by the very Republicans who said they supported broader reform as long as we got serious about enforcement," Obama said. "But even though we've answered these concerns, I gotta say I suspect there are still going to be some who are trying to move the goal posts on us one more time."

"Maybe they'll need a moat," he said mockingly to laughter from the crowd. "Maybe they'll want alligators in the moat." (polite tittering)

Hee. Butt I think a lot of people would support moats filled with alligators if that would keep drug dealers, drug gangs, murderers, and illegal undocumented workers out of the country.

Butt none of this doesn’t explains Lady M’s recent infatuation with Beyoncé: maybe she should have had JLo’s big old butt do the Move your Body video.

Because that girl certainly knows how to rock a pair of Louboutin’s. And that might come in handy for dancing.

 

Or maybe Big Guy and Lady M have just split up the victim groups between them to pander appeal to.

That would explain the Big White Poetry Slam night invitee list.

Which is tonight. I can hardly wait!

Roses are red

green is the grass

someone in here

has a gi-normous…

Mikileak: Sort of Like a Wikileak, except from MOTUS

Normally I wouldn’t share this - even with you, my most trusted advisors. Butt I have it on good authority that Wikileaks will be releasing all of this classified information to the New York Times later this month anyway, so I wanted to give you a heads up.

The super secret mission began a couple of weeks ago, while Big Guy was still planning to take OBL out.  You may have already seen this secret handshake/note exchange between Big Guy and Brigadier General Edward Wilson at Cape Canaveral on April 29th. Contrary to what is reported by Father Guido Sarducci in this Italian press account, the exchange took place prior to Big Guy’s gutsy “uh, positively; go” call on the Osama bin Laden takedown.

Big Guy exchanges super secret notes with Brigadier General Edward Wilson

video H/T Weaselzippers

Here’s what Big Guy’s note  to the General said:

Click to embiggen (then click again to zoom)

And this is the note that Big Guy got in return from Brigadier General Edward Wilson:

Click to embiggen

So. Now you know about the super secret notes, the super secret mission and the reason you’re not going to see any dead OBL pictures. Sorry about the quality of the note images. There was a lot of security around so my normal systems were blocked and I had to use my Brownie spy camera.

As a little reward for my optic erasing services, I got a trip through the heartland of America, requiring only one side trip to Ames, Iowa to reflect Lady M in her doctorate robes.

And since I had such a good time away from the Big White, I thought I’d try to take your minds off the daily grind a bit too, with a fun contest! Those of you on the two coasts will be at a distinct disadvantage, butt feel free to cheat – it’s fast becoming an American tradition.

So here’s the contest: It’s sort of a “guess where MOTUS spent the night after refracting Lady M’s, like, gazillionth honorary degree” game. Hint: it’s somewhere between Ames, Iowa and Chicago, Illinois.

An aside: in Chicago, MOTUS herself got caught up in one of Bruno’s giant Homeland Security sweeps. I was pulled over by the local gendarmes to be quizzed on Homeland Security issues regarding “what was I transporting, from where and why?” After being stopped under the auspices of “You crossed the line,” (?) the nice young gendarme explained that he just wanted to ensure that I was neither tired or drunk. I wasn’t. It was only 11:00 AM, and I had enjoyed a good night’s sleep in the town that will be the subject of our contest.

So then came the real reason for the traffic stop: the 24 question Homeland Security grilling: in the gendarme’s car no less! MOTUS has never been in a police car before. I’ll have to thank Bruno for that privilege. And compliment her on the efficiency of her efficacious Homeland Security directives to local law enforcement agencies to stop suspicious looking Jeepsters with car top carriers traveling into big cities:

Butt you’ll be pleased to know, as was I, that MOTUS was released with just a verbal warning. I’m not sure for what, since I’m fairly certain that I didn’t really cross any lines.

Anyway, back to the contest. Can you identify this lovely little town where I rested my head before my big bust in Chicago? Some clues:

Here’s the highway bridge that brings you out of town towards the Windy City, across a mighty river:

Here are the railroad tracks heading north out of town:

…and from the north, into town:

 

 

 

 

 

And here’s a little shack crammed in between the tracks and the river just north of town:

Here’s your first big clue: they sell fish. From the river! Three kinds: Carp, Cat and Sturgeon,  Ewwww! Fresh or smoked. Little Mo bought Sturgeon. Ewwww!

This is “downtown”:

And there’s a riverboat!

No “Main Street” though. N. Cody Street (which is The main street) runs through town. Not busy on Sunday morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another big clue: the “new school” restaurant “downtown”

and an old school restaurant, just south of town:

And a big clue: it’s called Steventon’s and it’s the spot for kids to go for dinner on Prom night, the first Saturday in May. Dozens of princesses with their matching Prince Charmings. In case you were wondering, aqua is a huge color this year. Think 1954 (correction:1956, thanks Charming Richard – who had one! V-8, three on the tree. Heaven.) Chevy Bel Air aqua:

 

BTW, strapless and sparkles: also in (butt I think you already knew that).

Back to the contest: This is the deck at Steventon’s, awaiting the arrival of prom kings and queens.

Last big clue: this is the smoke house shack. It’s on Cody too, on the north side of town.

And just in case you’re curious, this is what 3 smoked Mississippi River sturgeon (minus their ugly heads) look like:

and this…

is what they look like up close. Yes, those spikey things are like lances, be very careful. Butt after a lot of work around bones and spikes and skin, they’re delicious with cream cheese on bagels. Or plain on crackers. Who knew?? I’m hiding it from you-know-who.

First person to guess the correct town earns MOTUS’ undying admiration for their  knowledge of Americana: real Americana.

Now regarding Lady M: let me just say in my defense, I was not officially back on duty as of yesterday afternoon. So why don’t you just go ahead and try to guess what she was doing here on the south lawn of the Big White, too.

Guessing which way OBL’s soul headed?

The new milk maid?

Winning the Future in Iowa Again

Lady M loves Iowa.

And as fate would have it, I was passing through Iowa myself on my super secret mission, and was able to hook up with Lady M at the University of Northern Iowa in Ames to do optics for her commencement address at the University of Northern Iowa:

However, I had nothing to do with the speech writing. That was strictly in Lady M’s bailiwick.

"I want you to think of two words that showed this country that young people here at UNI have got what it takes," Obama said. "Those words? Ali Farokhmanesh."

Obama was referring to former UNI Panther basketball player Ali Farokhmanesh, who became the poster boy of the team's upset victory over Kansas in 2010 NCAA basketball tournament.

A basketball player? WTF, I guess.

Then we moved on to the de rigueur and always popular personal anecdotes:

Obama said she still carries a fondness for Iowa, which helped catapult President Obama to the White House after he won the 2008 Democratic precinct caucuses. She pointed to kitchen meetings in Sioux City. And the time a Pella neighborhood sang "Happy Birthday" to her daughter Malia, and when then-candidate Obama was given a hard time at the state fair for losing a carnival game.

Although she had to consult her personal diary, archived by CNN, in order to recall those events.

"While a campaign is what initially brought me to Iowa, what brings me back today is something so much bigger, so much deeper and so much more personal to me," she said. "You see, this state, the people I've met here and the things that I've learned here have all become an important part of my own journey."

This was Lady M’s first 2012 campaign stop in Iowa, and she peppered it with both local references and patriotic associations:

Just imagine, a small group of brave men, dropped by helicopter, half a world away in the dead of night into unknown danger inside the lair of the most wanted man in the world," said the first lady. "They did not hesitate, risking everything for us, for our freedom and security.

Since Joey B already let it out of the bag, she acknowledged the role of the Navy SEALs in the OBL mission, saying their mission  was “the very essence of the word 'service.'”  Butt unlike Lady M, they at least get paid for their service.

Lady M was so late returning from her triumphant campaign address in Iowa, that she barely had time to have her dresser select an appropriate outfit for Saturday night’s celebratory dinner with Big Guy.

Look! You can get valet parking for the price of a gallon of gas!

I wasn’t there, (you can tell because I’m the only one who packs Static Guard) so I can’t say for sure, butt they don’t look like they had a very good dinner:

Lady M took Air Force Won Two From Ames back to Washington. Butt I continued my land route and will be arriving back this afternoon, at which time I’ll be posting a contest to “name that town” I stopped in along the way.

Here’s Looking at you, kid

Looking at Osama, looking at Osama:

Looking at Obama, looking at Obama:

Looking at Obama looking at Osama:

Looking at me, looking back at me: the time has come.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to  your new “Decider”

 

Happy Mother’s Day to any one who is a Mom or has a Mom!