Friday, December 4, 2009

“Diva” is a Big Important Job

Boy, what do we have to do to get Desiree off the front page? It’s not like she isn’t the little media hound, but apparently she doesn’t subscribe to the “any publicity is good publicity” principal.  FOX  (we hate them) is still yelping that the gate-crashers were her fault.

We had to claim executive privilege to keep her away from the snarling R-words up on Capitol Hill. Then they claimed she’s a social secretary and has nothing to do with national security and therefore is not eligible for the executive privilege card. So which is it guys? Is gate-crashing a national security issue or not? Sheeze, politicians.

Desiree-Roger_271318sAs Robin Givhan, the fashion critic of The Washington Post, tartly wrote after Crashergate broke, Ms Rogers "arrived in Washington this year to great fanfare, no small amount of it of her own making".

Besides, if you think that just because she’s our social secretary that she’s not really, really important, well, just take a look at what Gibbsy said yesterday:

"The president, the first lady and the entire White House staff are grateful for the job that she does and thinks she has done a terrific and wonderful job pulling off a lot of big and important jobs here at the White House," 

Hear that? “big and important jobs” so case closed. Just because she put herself on the guest list, rather than the “working” list for the first official State Dinner of the O’s administration does not mean she wasn’t working the room. And today, in explaining why she will not be made available for Congressional testimony, Gibbsy further explained:

"There's, I think, a pretty long history of ensuring that White House staff can provide advice to the president and do so confidentially,"

I guess that he’s referring to her advice not to station anyone (certainly not herself) at the gate with the Secret Service for the State Dinner, thereby allowing rude intruders in who could have meant to do great bodily harm to someone in attendance.

So let’s face it, she’s a FOBO and FOMO and she’s not going anywhere.

desiree mo So put that down as another job saved. And it’s a really important job (which means lots of $$$), so it offsets the 3 Secret Service guys who had to take the fall for the security breach.



I know you’ve all been clamoring for a rear view of the, ah, unique gown that the diva  selected for the state dinner.


But unfortunately, it didn’t look that good and Desi made me scrub all of the images from my hard drive.

But I do have a shot of the original as conceived as a runway creation, front and back:

Rather disturbing that someone exhibiting this kind of judgment is responsible for a “lot of big and important jobs” around here, isn’t it?

Jobs Summit Saves Christmas

Yes, I know, I know. There’s been a lot of big news around here. But we need to start at the end and work our way backwards. Big Guy’s big jobs summit: How do you know it was big? Well, anytime Tom Friedman and Paul Krugman show up for the same event, you know it’s big. Apparently the Chamber of Commerce wasn’t invited, which makes sense, since they didn’t get any of the stimulus cash to create or save jobs.

So maybe we can stop getting our panties in a bundle over the strangely lethargic West Point speech and just focus on something a little more positive: Christmas in and around the Big White. That’s right, you read correctly. The polls are in, and after 2 months of focus groups and deliberating, we are now officially permitted to refer to it as “Christmas”. Besides, the non-controlling legal opinions came in, indicating that “Christmas” was a designated federal holiday. And it appears that there is not sufficient support in Congress to change it’s name to the “Official Federal Winter Holiday”. Nancy and Harry both said they could muster the votes if necessary, but it would cost another $500 million. And, like everyone else, we’re cutting back this year, so “Christmas” it is.

So here’s the run down so far: we kicked off Wednesday with a “preview” party. I just love this administration! Pre-party parties! I understand we’re doing “previews” for all future State Dinners too, just to iron out any wrinkles.


The centerpiece of it all is in the Blue Room: an 18 1/2-by-13-foot Douglas fir that was delivered last Friday and is lit with environmentally sound LED lights, decorated with huge gold ribbons and bows and more than 650 ornaments from prior administrations, and is tied to the ceiling. (kind of like GM, AIG, BoA etc. Only they’re tied to the floor.)

blue room douglas


The White House is celebrating Christmas with recycled ornaments, natural materials and, of course, a gingerbread White House. The 390-pound work of culinary art is covered in white chocolate and has a marzipan replica of family dog, Bo. The staff spent 6 weeks creating this impressive gingerbread house.

christmas ginger garden

christmas ginger garden

Check out the marzipan veggie garden! Sweet!


 christmas bo

How cute is little Bo? He took our own Ace of Cakes 8 hours to make. Oh oh! You can’t do that in the WH organic veggie patch, Bo! 


For the occasion Lady M dressed up as a giant green elf: get it? Organic veggie garden?WHITE_HOUSE_CHRISTMAS_74b2


Then next morning, Big Guy held his jobs summit, where he announced that the White House had just created or saved 2000 jobs just in setting up for the big up-coming holiday Christmas parties. The gingerbread house alone saved 50 jobs.

Then last night, we lit the giant Christmas tree.ct4

ct2How many O’s does it take to pull the trigger? Ha,ha. Only Won.




And finally, we have this:



Big Guy with the only other person on earth that gives away more stuff. (I sure hope Santa makes it out of there with that big shiny black belt.)

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Josephine, Meet Your Inner Napoleon

I was desperately concerned that someone was going to notice this because - let’s face it – it was obvious enough to make it fair game.sd91And sure enough, not only did Mrs. P. go on the record with before and after pictures, but she had the audacity to include a picture of a perfect Josephine, just to make her point.


We’ve been struggling for 11 months now, trying to soften Lady M’s hard stare and shore up Big Guy’s machismo. Just exactly how does this kind of commentary help?

“It figures that if one of the Obamas was going to grow a pair, it'd be the wife.”

Next, I suppose you’re going to want MO to address the War College?

But for the record: These are not falsies. Simply body “accessories” that have been artfully rearranged through the miracle of lycra (and Moi, of course.)

H/T Patum Peperium

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

West Point? Eeyore Called. He Said He’s Not the Only Ass Around Here.

Whew! Tough night up at West Point. MO couldn’t go, because she… because…well, to be honest, she just didn’t want to. Bo westpoint mo red ouch

And what a shame. Look at that sea of grey: a little jewel toned number like this would have really stood out and made quite a fashion statement.

But maybe she, like Chris Matthews, understood this to be the “enemy camp” and she just didn’t wish to expose her flanks. MO’s already feeling a little beat up over the grief she’s getting about Diva Desiree’s cavalier attitude towards security. And to be honest, it’s not like she’s getting paid for any of this. Well, by way of a paycheck with her name on it anyway.

Which is kind of a sore point around here, because up till now MO has always made more money than BO. Now that she doesn’t have that going for her, it’s a little harder to get Big Guy to see things her way all the time. And if she ever catches him casting that imperial gaze down his nose at her again, well, let’s just say I hope someone has properly stored the presidential golf clubs.

But I digress: the point is everyone around here has been a little testy today because the big read up at West Point didn’t go over quite as well as we’d hoped. Apparently equivocation with conviction doesn’t sell as well at the military academy as it always did in the Senate. You know, where you get to vote for something before you vote against it, or, alternatively, simply vote “present” ? Up till now, “present” was always sufficient for Big Guy. As long as he was there, the MSM would do the rest.

Minimally, we all thought that after the Indian State Dinner where we pulled out all the stops (other than checking the guest list for rude intruders) that at least the Indians would be our friends. So how do you explain Tunku Varadarajan calling Big Guy’s speech “Obama’s Eeyore Act”? Wow, we can’t even buy a break around here anymore!

I’m afraid the O’s are just starting to figure out that this job is “really hard” (where have I heard that before?). And I’m afraid it’s starting to show on their faces, which is a no-no. Even watching brother Craig's team defeat the opposition doesn’t seem to do the trick anymore. The O’s and grandma look like they’ve been sucking on pickles, and the Secret Service guys look like they wish they were sucking on arsenic.

barack-obama-and-family-at-basketball-gamejpg-8674bebb4bc52684_largeBut come on! Suck it up guys! It’s not like our team is losing or anything. Are they?

H/T Rational Jingo

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Invitations? We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Invitations!

Ever since the break-in at the Indian State Dinner, the O’s have been very jumpy. They get up in the middle of the night and check to make sure the burglar alarm is set, and the back door is locked.

Big Guy and Lady M are both really, really steamed about this security breach, and you can be sure someone will be falling on the sword any day now (If by “falling on the sword” you mean “being stabbed in the back”). In the mean time, Secret Service announced some changes in security screening policy:

A government official familiar with the plans says from now on, a staff member from the White House social office will work with the Secret Service at the gates where people check in to attend official events at the president's residence.


Which is kind of funny, because that’s how we used to do it in all of the previous administrations. But when Diva Desiree arrived, I guess the Secret Service decided she wouldn’t be that much help anyway.




So – because I don’t want you getting upset if you see this somewhere else -I’m going to let you in on this top-secret tid-bit: I know I can trust you, but please, for any number of reasons, I implore you not to pass it on. Until such time as we are all comfortable with the new security measures, this is MO’s undercover disguise, and her code name will be “Zapata”.michelleobama I’m sure she’ll be safe, so don’t worry. And as soon as Desiree figures out how to make out an official guest list while her nails are drying, we can all get back to normal around here.

H/T Vanderleun

Quelle Surprise!

So, don’t tell me that having an in-house public relations staff doesn’t pay off! Look at the booty we just pulled in:



Yes! The votes are in, and once again Obama wins!

The French couture Bible, Elle magazine, honored Lady M as the winner in the "political chic" category of their best dressed list. Wow! Once again, a well oiled campaign and staffers who are willing to do whatever it takes to win have paid off big. MO even edged out the home-town fav, France’s own first lady, Carla Bruni Sarkozy!!! Sweet! Or should I say “douceur de vivre “?

carla5 michelleoinvaticancarla3  

The magazine said it focused on bold style this year, noting, “Mrs. Obama resembles no one else. Her style is unique, and she encourages young designers.”

Elle also praised Obama for adding a new item to the classic first lady’s wardrobe: the cardigan sweater. “She has succeeded in imposing the waisted cardigan as official dress.”


How clever of the French fashionistas to find the two categories that Lady M positively OWNS: bold and “wasted waisted” cardigans!

Here we see both “bold” and “unique” in one outfit.






Big Guy still has some matches from a campaign swing through Park City, UT back in ’08 (I think you all know by now that BO smokes, right? I’m not letting the cat out of the bag am I?). They’re from a little French Bistro called “Easy Street” ( BO’s theme song), and are imprinted with the bistro’s motto  “We’re so French we hate ourselves."  Well, I guess.

I hope Carla doesn’t feel too bad about the snub. At least she came in second. I, on the other hand didn’t even get an honorable mention. I rather thought the editors at Elle might have given a little nod to my trompe-l’oeil work.

Frogs: they’re just silly little people who think they’re better than everyone else. But you get used to it after awhile.

mocarla22 mocarla24

H/T Breeze, who has her own name now!

Monday, November 30, 2009

Turkeys, Trees and Tarts. Oh My.

Good Grief! I leave for a few short days and all hell breaks loose around here.

First, I hear Big Guy’s pardoning some turkey, but thank God it wasn’t KSM. Just some gobbler on it’s way to Disney World.courage I hope old “Courage,” as Big Guy named him, hasn’t heard about what happened to his brother up here in D.C. while he was enjoying the Thanksgiving Day parade in sunny Florida.

I understand the whole fam went to the homeless shelter to donate 2 more turkeys that hadn’t been pardoned and dump off the rest of the vegetables from the organic garden that they couldn’t pawn off on anyone at the state semi-vegetarian dinner.

o's at homeless

The O’s then spent a quiet Thanksgiving in the WH, enjoying the usual fare: the aforementioned turkey (may he rest in peace), oyster stuffing (this should not be served if there are young children present), mac and cheese (more appropriate), taters two ways, greens (I thought they got rid of them at the homeless shelter?) and six (!)  kind of pies. I guess we won’t be wearing that Naeem Khan gown again any time soon, with or without the Spanx bodysuit.

Then there was the excitement over the arrival of the Christmas-Holiday Tree for the White House. Here’s Lady M with Santa, and it looks like she’s wearing one of his belts.


I’m gone a few hours and we’ve already forgotten the difference between fuchsia and scarlet?BIG RED BELT

By the way, I hear that religious ornaments have not been banned from the official White House Christmas-Holiday tree after all. It was just a big mix-up. I found a couple of boxes of these laying around the Blue Room, and as you can see they’re very festive and should look very nice on our tree.


And when I left town last Wednesday, I thought everything had gone swimmingly at the first official State Dinner at the Big White. Then I find out we had intruders. How rude!

I suppose the Secret Service is going to take the hit for this, but frankly, if anyone around here would just read the protocol guidelines and their job descriptions, they’d see that the Social Secretary has the final call on guests admitted to State Dinners. But Desiree Rogers, in her Comme de Garcon runway nightmare was a little too busy hob-nobbing to pay attention to her official job responsibilities, (which include finalizing the guest list) and the Barbie-doll-in-waiting slips right in.

sd desiree


Seriously, I could have made Desiree something out of a couple of old potato sacks that would have looked better. Can we say “fashion victim”? At least take the apron off.







So we get these two low-life media whores slipping into the tent without so much as an invitation.  Normally I would have said that the sari costume was a dead give away that they didn’t belong. Unfortunately, it appears that liberals think that wearing the clothes native to the country of the honored guest is somehow a deferential and respective gesture. Honestly, I wish someone would read the protocol manual!

what liberals wear to statewhat liberals wear2

Dr. Sanjay Gupta and wife Rebecca Olsen, and the rude Tareq and Michaele Salahi. Apparently they don’t know the difference between fuchsia and scarlet either.


  state indra nooyi


Indra Nooyi, CEO PepsiCo, NOT wearing a sari. Even though she, being Indian born, could if she so chose.






state dinner imposters

Whoops! This is never supposed to happen. The stringy blonde hair, I mean. 



Like I said, the SS is going to take the fall for this, but just between you and me, there might be someone around here that loves to be the big shot and invite people to things he really isn’t authorized to. 

statecrashers eahm If I keep my mouth shot, maybe I’ll get box tickets again for the ballet this season.


PS Thanks everyone, for the comments while I was gone. It will take me awhile to catch up on my correspondence.