Wednesday, October 22, 2014

When You’ve Lost Tina Brown…You’ve Lost the Magic

Boy, it’s getting interesting out there. Take the Republicans’ War on Women (WOW) for example; it’s probably the Stockholm Syndrome, butt apparently women are beginning to identify with their oppressors:

Drudge women want republicans

Why? Well, I’ll let Tina Brown (yes, that Tina Brown) explain why women feel “unsafe” with Obama:

“Economically, they’re feeling unsafe. With regard to ISIS, they’re feeling unsafe. They feel unsafe about Ebola. What they’re feeling unsafe about is the government response to different crises.”

Barack-Obama-Angry“I said, handle it!”

“And I think they’re beginning to feel a bit that Obama’s like that guy in the corner office, you know, who’s too cool for school, calls a meeting, says this has to change, doesn’t put anything in place to make sure it does change, then it goes wrong and he’s blaming everybody.”

Angry-Obama I'm looking at you dude-Reuters

They’ll probably come to their senses by November 4th however, since, as Big Guy himself told us, his policies are on the ballot. Or maybe not, let’s get a clarification from the re-coifed Little Debbie:

debbie wasserman

“We are going to hold the Senate,” the Florida lawmaker told “Fox News Sunday.” “The president is not on the ballot.” (!?)

She continued her debate with Reince Prebus:

“The one question voters are going to ask themselves is ‘who has my back,’” Wasserman Schultz blurted out, trying to pretend her party isn’t headed for disaster in a little more than two weeks.

Priebus struck.

“Debbie, you guys are losing everywhere, first of all, and the president hasn’t had anybody’s back,” he said. “He hasn’t even had YOUR back.” (he was referring to this humiliating report in Politico)

butt debbie_thumb[23]That’s a pretty big backside to cover

Butt let’s get back to Ms.Tina Brown – the woman who in 2008 thought Big Guy was “Magic:”

This has been an election full of magic. White Magic that only the black man from everywhere and nowhere could perform. Even his adored grandmother dying on the eve of the victory had a mythic feeling of completion to it in a candidacy full of signs and symbols. Remember the three-point basketball shot when he played with the soldiers in Kuwait? It’s as if Obama is the prince who lifts the curse in a fairy story, a curse that began eight years ago with an election wrenched away from the rightful winner and begetting as a consequence the wrathful visitation of tragedy and wars and hurricanes and economic collapse. [warning: read the rest only if you are currently demonstrating no symptoms of Ebola]

Oh well, as Ed Driscoll points out, past performance is no guarantee of future results. Unfortunately Tina’s “Magic” tuned out to be nothing more than “magical thinking.”  She discovered that Barry’s magic was just a bunch of card tricks

bullwinkle_magic-hat-743689

and her disillusion spilled out on Ms.NBC’s Morning Joe show where she said Big Guy makes women feel “unsafe” – a phrase that normally would be considered a dog whistle on that station.

Seven-Laws-of-Magical-Thinking-cover-detailMagical thinking: it’s like blowing the black spots off your white privilege

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Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I’m just here to connect the dots…UPDATED

Don’t blame me, I’m just connecting the dots.

Just 12 days ago, at the cocktail party following Lady M’s White House Fashion Education Workshop, she finally wore a frock by America’s iconic designer Oscar de la Renta,

mirror

Today, Oscar is dead. Coincidence? Officially, yes, butt let’s examine the evidence: first, Oscar was never a fan of MO’s mini-me cardigans:

Fashion can get ugly. It looks like the king of American fashion is openly dissing the First Lady for wearing her wallet-friendly J.Crew ensemble to meet the Queen of England this week. Oscar de la Renta remarked, “You don’t show up at Buckingham Palace…in a sweater.”

Even one that fits so well.

article-2498251-194BC9F500000578-850_306x605I’m just glad he didn’t mention anything about the wrinkly skirt.

And then there was that time he criticized MO’s fashion choice when she wore British designer Alexander McQueen to the Chinese State Dinner instead of American:

relief for the middleclassAt least it was red

“My understanding,” de la Renta told WWD, “is that the visit was to promote American-Chinese trade — American products in China and Chinese products in America. Why do you wear European clothes?”

Even though both of the Wons have been working on those thin black skins of theirs, neither of them are capable of handling criticism graciously yet. Still, it seemed like MO had buried the hatchet, so to speak, when she finally donned the de la Renta frock. She even changed from her favorite, comfy, Speedo that she’d worn for the business part of the day:

1412849462447_wps_76_First_Lady_Michelle_ObamaBang-bang; you’re dead!

Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down): Nico Vega

So I’m just giving you a heads up: the official story will be she wore this frock earlier in the month to end the feud.

1412976523035_wps_50_NEW_YORK_NY_FEBRUARY_11_B

Let’s just say we got word of Oscar’s impending doom – don’t ask how, I’m not at liberty to say – and Lady M didn’t want to be the only FLOTUS in his lifetime to have never worn one of his creations.

So there you have it; just another item we can check off our bucket list – wearing de la Renta I mean, not, well, you know.

mo and jackiede la Renta? Oh yeah, we’ve sooooo nailed “the look”

Don’t blame me, like I said, I’m just here to connect the dots:

dotty

 

foto di mattiR.I.P, Oscar, we will miss your style

P.S. Butt there is Good News today too!

Screenshot Studio capture #2279

No new Ebola in 5 whole days!

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Monday, October 20, 2014

What We Need Here Is More Cowbell. And Free Cheese.

Leave it to Matt Drudge to make lemons out of lemonade:

(Reuters) - President Barack Obama made a rare appearance on the campaign trail on Sunday with a rally to support the Democratic candidate for governor in Maryland, but early departures of crowd members while he spoke underscored his continuing unpopularity.

drudge crowds walk out

Believe me, nobody is more understanding of people having to leave a campaign event early than Big Guy. You may recall that he had to do the same thing at an event back in 2010, thus earning him the handle “Rhode Island Runner” for awhile.

Rhode_island_red_1915_lithograph1Technically known as a Rhode Island Red

BO had to “duck” out of the fundraiser early in order to tend to other important family responsibilities:

President Obama’s final stop was a $7,500-a-head fundraiser in the well-appointed home of Arnold “Buff” and Johnnie Chace on the East Side, not far from Brown University.

The president spoke for about 20 minutes, then left before the dinner of locally grown foods by celebrated Rhode Island chefs — including lobster risotto** — that Mrs. Chace had planned. [...]
Mr. Obama concluded his remarks at about 7:30, saying he couldn’t stay for dinner.

“I’ve got to go home to tuck in the girls and walk the dog and scoop the poop,” he said.

Because, you know,

There’s no greater compliment you can pay to chefs than by talking about dog s*#t just before everybody eats and then skipping out on the meal they cancelled their prior engagements (for) in order to serve you.

Since the Maryland crowd that left BO’s speechifying in mid-flight yesterday was predominantly African-American I guess you can’t blame it on racism. Still, this is a very disturbing trend. We knew we were losing a few of our white and brown Obots, 

chicken5

butt our black chicks?

norfolks roam

Wow! that hurts. Because once they start wandering off the plantation, who’s going to be next?

black Lambs-feeding

I think we better take another look at our game plan.

down_on_the_farm

It may be time to call in some gig guns. We could really use someone like Lady M about now to help us herd our flock back into their chicken coop.

michelle-obama-hits-philadelphia-to-campaign-for-democrat-tom-wolf-04

black chickenMaybe we just need to bring a bigger black cock to this fight 

And if that fails, well, there’s always more cowbell!

Lenin_CowbellWhen combined with free cheese, More Cowbell has been shown to be 55% more effective

 

**If anyone has seeds or cuttings for lobster risotto, I would greatly appreciate it if you would send me your source. I think Lady M would love to have a locally grown source, and it would make a lovely addition to her Organic Garden of Good and Evil.

800The-Lounge-Sunday-Brunch-Lobster-Risotto-3Umm, umm, umm! Tastes just like chicken!

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Sunday, October 19, 2014

Everything would run like a German clock if it weren’t for Bush.

As I reported yesterday, Big Guy was“seething” about his minions mis-mishandling of the Ebola crisis. He was so mad that he punished everyone (except his new Ebola Czar who hasn’t screwed anything up, yet) with an after hours shame and blame meeting where he made them listen for hours as he droned on and on.

CHILE/“When I agreed to take this job I was told everything would run like a German clock!

First he yelled at them for being so stupid they couldn’t even get the time right. Then he blamed Bush for leaving him a clock so broken it wasn’t even right twice a day,

20120416-broken-clock.jpg.644x0_q100_crop-smart

and then he complained that the Republicans took the hands off the clock and were holding them hostage.

Handless-clock

Finally, he complained about the unfair press coverage he’s been getting from places other than Fox News; like this:

October 17, 2014

1. We shouldn't need an Ebola czar.

2. We already put somebody in charge of corralling federal bureaucracies and coordinating local responses to national emergencies. His name is Barack Obama.

3. He has a chief of staff, the nation's chief operating officer, Denis McDonough; a homeland security adviser, Lisa Monaco; a national security adviser, Susan Rice; a director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention; and a Cabinet full of secretaries.

4. That should be enough.

(snip)

14. We shouldn't need an Ebola czar. The president needs to do his job better.

And this:

The announcement of Ron Klain as the new Ebola “czar” checks all the boxes: Harvard Law, longtime Democrat party op, veteran of the Clinton, Al Gore and John Kerry campaigns. The problem is, it checks all the wrong boxes. The Progressive myth is that we ought to have a government of experts — top men! — to handle the nation’s problems in a calm, deliberative manner. The reality is that we have a nation of unscrupulous lawyers, amoral apparatchiks and political hacks whose only area of expertise is manipulating the electoral and governmental systems and getting rich by doing so.

Ouchie! Big Guy has demanded that we get our hands on some of that precision German engineering ASAP, in order to preserve his legacy.

bo hitler

Because time’s a wastin’ and it’s my understanding that even Hitler’s upset about the way the Ebola thing was handled in Dallas:

Hey, I’ve got an idea! How about we go digital, like the rest of the world?

939 copy

Although that would probably require the staffing of a whole new bureaucracy and a new Time Czar: 

going digitalOkay, I need an “8” over here – stat! No, make that a “7”…quick!

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Saturday, October 18, 2014

Some day they will ask “how could we not have known?”

Here’s a factoid you might find interesting: none of the other FLOTUS’s that I’ve had the honor of reflecting have ever campaigned for anyone other than their husbands. Not so Lady M: she spends nearly as much time on the campaign and fund raising trail as Big Guy these days.

Most recently she was stumping in Florida for Charlie Crist:

“We need you to cast your ballot starting next Monday for early voting,” Obama said at a gymnasium at the Central Florida Fair grounds. “I’m asking you, vote early.”

I’m sorry to report that this took place yesterday, while I was confined to my hazmat suit, hence this:

mo crist2

I thought we had ditched this ill-fitting frock that even a mini-me couldn’t help.

 

ap_barack_michelle_obama_blue_dres_ss_thg_120911_ssv

Meanwhile, in continuing Ebolagate coverage, this is disappointing; we have yet another instance where Big Guy’s staff “let him down.” In fact he’s said to be “seething” about the was his little people have handled the Ebola crisis.

Beneath the calming reassurance that President Obama has repeatedly offered during the Ebola crisis, there is a deepening frustration, even anger, with how the government has handled key elements of the response.

Those frustrations spilled over when Mr. Obama convened his top aides in the Cabinet room after canceling his schedule on Wednesday. Medical officials were providing information that later turned out to be wrong. Guidance to local health teams was not adequate. It was unclear which Ebola patients belonged in which threat categories.

“It’s not tight,” a visibly angry Mr. Obama said of the response, according to people briefed on the meeting.

Not “tight?” – shoot, it’s not even in near the corral yet.

stop flights

So in order to get a grip on this spreading menace, Big Guy appointed an Ebola Czar, “just to make sure that we are crossing all the t’s and dotting all the i’s going forward.”  Funny, that’s not what my understanding of what a Czar’s job involves. Butt I could be wrong.

TzarNicholasAmongTroopsTzar Nicholas and his troops

In related news, BHO also advised us that he isn’t “philosophically opposed” to considering restricting travel to the U.S. from the three Ebola-stricken West African nations. Well, that’s good news Aristotle, butt we’re talking about a mutating virus, not a philosophy class. And your job is to run the government and protect the citizens not participate in a freshman debate on Schopenhauer v. Nietzsche.

And regarding our new Czar’s qualifications: he’s perfect. Who better to fix all of our Ebola PR gaffes, mis-steps and “communication problems” than the man who spent years cleaning up after Joey B? Dead on pick: a partisan loyalist with extensive experience in…politics…and spin! So take that, Mr. Ebola.

And now I feel like I’m getting a slight fever. If you have a fever too, there is only one prescription…MORE BOOB-BELT! –The Movie.

boob belt fever blog link copy(you can watch here)

mo shaq i 2013 Our FLOTUS: The Fashion Icon and busy Mom

And remember, we are out on the bleeding edge of truth around here. Others will follow, eventually. Someday they will say, as they have of others who preceded Big Guy, “How could we not have known?”

 

quotes-1054

“All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.” Arthur Schopenhauer

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Friday, October 17, 2014

Ebola: It Continues to Taunts Us

Is it too soon to dub this mess Ebolagate?

I note that Democrats everywhere are trying to sidestep that designation by spreading the party line that Ebola is not a threat and there’s no reason to stop flights in and out of West Africa just because it’s a horrible disease that kills 70% of it’s victims. And West Africa used to be the only place it lived.

Dr. Friedman is the keynote spokesmouth for the official position that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself:

“We remain confident that Ebola is not a significant public health threat to the United States,” he testified before the House Energy and Commerce Committee. “We know Ebola can be stopped with rapid diagnosis, appropriate triage and meticulous infection-control practices in American hospitals.” – NY Daily News

None of which occurred in the case of Duncan Thomas, butt don’t let that inconvenient fact impair your judgment.

pizza ebolaPizza delivery!

Dr. Friedman made his case against banning travel from West Africa in cogent testimony to Congress yesterday; arguing that if we don’t let Africans fly the friendly skies, they’ll just arrive here “over land” where it will be impossible to catch and monitor them if they are showing signs of illness:

Dr. Frieden said banning travel would mean the U.S. won’t be able to check people for fever and contacts if they arrive in the country through other means, such as over land. “We wouldn’t be able to provide all that information as we do now to state and local health officials,” he said. - WSJ

It’s probably just me butt I think I would have taken a slightly different tact, as that makes it sound like maybe we should be doing more to close our porous borders.

Ramirez-20141011-BorderDisease

I think I might even start looking for a different spokesmouth altogether if I were Big Guy, whereas Dr. Friedman argued himself into a complete paradox during a press briefing just the day before his testimony.

A reporter said, "In a video message to countries in West Africa that are experiencing Ebola outbreaks, President Obama told residents in these countries in West Africa that they can't get the disease by sitting next to somebody on a bus.  Did the CDC vet that message before it was released and posted on US embassy websites, and is it true that a person runs absolutely no risk of contracting Ebola on public transportation such as a bus?"

FRIEDEN: Yes, CDC vetted the message -- and, yes, we believe it's accurate.  I think there are two different parts of that equation.  The first is, uh, "If you're a member of the traveling public and are healthy, should you be worried that you might have gotten it by sitting next to someone?" and the answer is, no.  Second, uh, "If you are sick and you may have Ebola, should you get on a bus?" and the answer to that is also, no.  You might become ill!  You might have a problem that exposes someone around you. - CNS News

So, you can’t catch Ebola on a bus…butt you might be able to infect somebody on a bus if you have Ebola? At a minimum I think we should make sure Dr. Friedman gets a little more sleep.

Anyway, I don’t know what our real assessment of the Ebola situation is, all I know is that this is the official government issued uniform I’ve been instructed to wear until further notice:

MOTUS Hazmat copyHi! It’s me! MOTUS! I’m impermeable!

It strikes me as a bit of overkill as I’ve been slogging around in the muck here for nearly six years without any protection. And while it is cute, as you can see it takes the edge off my reflective capabilities - which could be a career-ender for a mirror. My understanding is that this suit is now considered standard operational protocol butt knowing how casual we are about following protocol around here, I don’t intend to wear it during working hours. Of course, if I’m required to fly anywhere…

Anyway, it appears we’ve successful managed the Republicans attempt at needless fear-mongering.This Pew push poll clearly indicates that we are not smart enough to be afraid of Ebola. And thank goodness! The midterms are right around the corner.

Don’t worry though: once the elections are over we’ll be able to get back to you with information regarding exactly how dangerous Ebola is. Likewise, we’ll bring you up to date on other currently non-critical phony scandals such as Fast and Furious, Benghazi, and the IRS scandal. Also, at that point we will be able to advise you exactly how much your Obamacare premiums have gone up. And how many more of your doctors you won’t be able to keep.

In the mean time, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position and your seat belt is correctly fastened. Also, we request that all mobile phones, pagers, radios and remote controlled devices be turned off for the full duration of the flight, as these items might interfere with the official messages and information your government wishes you to hear.

Thank you, and we hope you’ll enjoy your flight in this Ebola free zone.

ebola highwayWe will be landing at an airport near your final destination soon.

 

hazmat_color3Can I get a cleanup on runway 3!

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Thursday, October 16, 2014

We be turnt up round da globe – to fight Ebola. Yo!

I’m pretty sure you’ve seen Lady M’s Vine video (note to self: redundant) by now, butt in case you just fell off a turnip truck, here it is again:

Brought to you by the DNC

How on earth, you ask, did the turnip dance “turn up?” You’ll be shocked to hear it was all preplanned as part of one of our “#askthefirstlady” social media events. The question was asked in such a way (vapid, by some accounts) as to give Lady M a lead-in to her really cool rap and turnip dance. The intent, in case it was lost on you, was to make MO, and by association her favorite purple root vegetable, appear to be really hip by “rapping” it. As the WaPo explains:

Never has a taproot lent itself so well to meme-ification, for which we can thank rappers 2 Chainz (“Turn Up”), Roscoe Dash (“All the Way Turnt Up”) and Lil Jon (“Turn Down For What”).

Thank you, gentlemen. Your contributions to society cannot be overstated.

Hmmmmm; lyrics from 2 Chainz Turn Up:

Walked In then I turnt Up
Pockets Full Of Hunnuds

I “cant show no mo” of this rap because of my own ban on the n-word and the f-word.

Then there’s this, from Roscoe All the Way Turnt Up:

Excuse me wile I turn up
All dese hoes be choosen but I'm turnt up all the way
I don't turned up on da road
I be turned up round da globe

Again, I “cant show no mo” because, well, you know.

So how cool is that!? RAPPING! For a FLOTUS I mean?

mo garden1Oh yeah, I’m all that cool.

And not only that, butt she brought along the house white boy to celebrate the annual fall harvest event at the White House “kitchen garden,” aka the Organic Garden of Good and Evil.

imrsHe’s pretty cool too; in a white hot sort of way, right?

Meanwhile, on the Ebola front: Big Guy was forced to cancel two campaign/fundraising trips in order to address the spreading threat. Having been assured in the past that Big Guy can “do two things at once” and needn’t suspend his plans to address other grave issues such as Benghazi and ISIS beheadings, I just have to ask: is it time to panic now?

“I want people to understand that the dangers of you contracting Ebola, the dangers of a serious outbreak are extraordinarily low,” Obama told reporters after meeting for roughly two hours with aides in the Cabinet Room. “But we are taking this very seriously at the highest levels of government.”

No, not yet; we are in the very best of hands, and they are taking it “very seriously.”

I guess they really do think we’ve just fallen off a turnip truck. To re-quote the WaPo report:

“Thank you, gentlemen. Your contributions to society cannot be overstated.”

 

PickledTurnip660g91817Our Turnips are Pickled Now

Today’s special report on root vegetables was brought to you by:

the molsterman report copy

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Wednesday, October 15, 2014

What Else Are They Lying To Us About?

Well, this is a blockbuster:

A new poll from the Washington Post and ABC News shows 67 percent of people say they would support restricting entry to the United States from countries struggling with Ebola. Another 91 percent would like to see stricter screening procedures at U.S. airports in response to the disease’s spread.

I think the last time that many Americans agreed on anything was during WWII, and even then some had second thoughts later. So clearly, this poll is bogus. Allow me to restructure the poll in a way that will allow us to get a more useful, less racist answer:

 

We have retuned to the popular Chicago Rules for this poll: vote when you wish, as often as you wish

 

So if you don’t wish to be placed under surveillance your choice is simple:  racist or non-racist, yes or no. Choose wisely, weedhopper, or you may end up being surveilled anyway.

In other news today I see that we now have another Ebola victim in our country despite having been assured by Big Guy personally and his CDC spokesmouth that Ebola is very unlikely to ever hit our shores, and in the unlikely event that it does we are fully prepared to deal with it. Now we have not one, butt 2 homegrown victims - not even included in the 70 on the watch list because they had donned their hazmat suits and were following all of the CDC’s protocols. I think we may have just moved into that Iraq-era gray zone known as the “unknown unknowns.” Butt don’t worry; we’ve got our best minds working on it.

Screenshot Studio capture #2263

And speaking of Iraq, this just in to the New York Times : Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq have been found!  Despite having originally been reported in 2005 – 2011 the Pentagon kept this information secret for reasons we can only speculate on, butt might include the fact that the WMD weren’t handled according to protocol and caused some injuries. Over this same timeframe the Pentagon was apparently successful in thwarting all of the crack investigative reporters from the NYT and other storied media outlets who were trying to get to the bottom of the WMD issue. Of course it’s still all Bush’s fault:

wmd bush

What else is your government lying to you about, do you suppose?

obama cheneyOne of these men lied to us, choose one: and remember – your answers are being monitored for racism and evidence of white privilege.

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