Friday, October 24, 2014

Oops! No Need to Panic!

Well, we had a good run: 6 days with no new Ebola cases.

 

MOTUS Hazmat copy

I mean, we’re no longer talking about fly over so it must be serious: Ebola in New York? Specifically, Ebowling in New York. The latest Ebola patient is a doc recently returned from his Doctors Without Borders stint in West Africa. He wisely called for a hazmat team to take him to the hospital Thursday morning, butt oddly he went bowling in Brooklyn the night before (via subway). I admire the doc’s good deeds butt maybe our “Doctors Without Borders” should be “Doctors WITH Borders” for their first 21 days back home.

So have we learned here? Well, if you’ve recently returned from treating Ebola in Liberia, maybe quarantining  yourself for awhile is a good idea. And if you’re feeling a little queasy and slightly feverish - but still absolutely positively have to get your bowling fix – maybe eBowling would be a better choice.

bowling-deluxe-palm-1

That way you won’t have to call in the hazmat team to fumigate your bowling shoes.

steamworks-minifig-lego-5794381-o 

And speaking of “oops” and cleaning up messes – can you believe Lady M stepped in it again? Which is to say, one of our little people let her down when loading TOTUS. That’s right, one of our soon-to-be ex-staff members confused Senator Mark Udall’s background (born in Arizona) with his Republican opponent Cory Gardner’s (fifth generation Coloradan). No biggie though:

cd24PELXFIRSTLADY__HHR2034

There were only “around” 1,500 in attendance to hear Lady M “call her husband's job performance "phenomenal" at a rally Thursday in Denver on behalf of Democratic U.S. Sen. Mark Udall.”

She reminded Coloradans of the crisis the president inherited when he took office in 2009, when the economy was "literally on the brink of collapse."

"Sometimes," she said, "when things get better, we forget how bad they were."

mo blue and orange

She offered up what she called "facts": Job growth is up, unemployment is down and working families are paying less in taxes.

(hee hee) Even the Denver Post had to put quotes around “facts” in case anyone was paying attention to the Liberal Lies.

lies about sexAnd now: jobs growth, unemployment and taxes too!

Anyway, in what can only be considered as a dog whistle, I note that Lady M has chosen a black and white motif for her final round of whistle stop campaign stops:

campaign in black and white

I wonder where that idea came from?

demflyer2demflyer1Brought to you by the Democratic Party. Is is time to panic yet?

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Thursday, October 23, 2014

"Mistakes Were Made"

Whoops! Technical difficulties identified with Cook County voting machines.

“This was a calibration error of the touch-screen on the machine,” Scalzitti said. “When Mr. Moynihan used the touch-screen, it improperly assigned his votes due to improper calibration.”

A “calibration error” – indeed: if you vote for one candidate with an “R” after his name and the machine registers a vote for the candidate with a “D” after his name, you could call that a calibration error. The same way you could call going in for a surgery to have your gangrenous left leg amputated and the doctor mistakenly removes the right leg instead, a “calibration error.”

Nobody around here seemed to surprised to hear about this little problem. In fact we’re so familiar with the phenomenon  that we keep a running list of the current top ten “calibration errors.”  Here they are, so far, in descending order:

 

10. EPA Phony Emails

 9. GSA Goes Wild

GSA-JeffGreetings from Vegas, Baby!


 8. Pigford phony scandal

 7. Solyndra et al, phony solar companies

 6. Fast and Furious phony scandal

ATF_job_interview

 

5. IRS phony scandal

IRS-The-Auditor-0002aAa

 4. VA phony scandal

irs armed and dangerous

 3. Benghazi phony scandal

hilz meme2

 2. Obamacare phony healthcare

And the NUMBER ONE “calibration error” of the past 6 years is (drum roll please):

1. OBAMA!

obama_one_big_ass_mistake_america_bumper_sticker

"Mistakes were made"

red queen & mad hatterWM copyMore like “two big assed mistakes”

`I can't believe that!' said Alice.
`Can't you?' the Queen said in a pitying tone. `Try again: draw a long breath, and shut your eyes.'
Alice laughed. `There's no use trying,' she said: `one can't believe impossible things.'
`I daresay you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. `When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass

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Wednesday, October 22, 2014

When You’ve Lost Tina Brown…You’ve Lost the Magic

Boy, it’s getting interesting out there. Take the Republicans’ War on Women (WOW) for example; it’s probably the Stockholm Syndrome, butt apparently women are beginning to identify with their oppressors:

Drudge women want republicans

Why? Well, I’ll let Tina Brown (yes, that Tina Brown) explain why women feel “unsafe” with Obama:

“Economically, they’re feeling unsafe. With regard to ISIS, they’re feeling unsafe. They feel unsafe about Ebola. What they’re feeling unsafe about is the government response to different crises.”

Barack-Obama-Angry“I said, handle it!”

“And I think they’re beginning to feel a bit that Obama’s like that guy in the corner office, you know, who’s too cool for school, calls a meeting, says this has to change, doesn’t put anything in place to make sure it does change, then it goes wrong and he’s blaming everybody.”

Angry-Obama I'm looking at you dude-Reuters

They’ll probably come to their senses by November 4th however, since, as Big Guy himself told us, his policies are on the ballot. Or maybe not, let’s get a clarification from the re-coifed Little Debbie:

debbie wasserman

“We are going to hold the Senate,” the Florida lawmaker told “Fox News Sunday.” “The president is not on the ballot.” (!?)

She continued her debate with Reince Prebus:

“The one question voters are going to ask themselves is ‘who has my back,’” Wasserman Schultz blurted out, trying to pretend her party isn’t headed for disaster in a little more than two weeks.

Priebus struck.

“Debbie, you guys are losing everywhere, first of all, and the president hasn’t had anybody’s back,” he said. “He hasn’t even had YOUR back.” (he was referring to this humiliating report in Politico)

butt debbie_thumb[23]That’s a pretty big backside to cover

Butt let’s get back to Ms.Tina Brown – the woman who in 2008 thought Big Guy was “Magic:”

This has been an election full of magic. White Magic that only the black man from everywhere and nowhere could perform. Even his adored grandmother dying on the eve of the victory had a mythic feeling of completion to it in a candidacy full of signs and symbols. Remember the three-point basketball shot when he played with the soldiers in Kuwait? It’s as if Obama is the prince who lifts the curse in a fairy story, a curse that began eight years ago with an election wrenched away from the rightful winner and begetting as a consequence the wrathful visitation of tragedy and wars and hurricanes and economic collapse. [warning: read the rest only if you are currently demonstrating no symptoms of Ebola]

Oh well, as Ed Driscoll points out, past performance is no guarantee of future results. Unfortunately Tina’s “Magic” tuned out to be nothing more than “magical thinking.”  She discovered that Barry’s magic was just a bunch of card tricks

bullwinkle_magic-hat-743689

and her disillusion spilled out on Ms.NBC’s Morning Joe show where she said Big Guy makes women feel “unsafe” – a phrase that normally would be considered a dog whistle on that station.

Seven-Laws-of-Magical-Thinking-cover-detailMagical thinking: it’s like blowing the black spots off your white privilege

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Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I’m just here to connect the dots…UPDATED

Don’t blame me, I’m just connecting the dots.

Just 12 days ago, at the cocktail party following Lady M’s White House Fashion Education Workshop, she finally wore a frock by America’s iconic designer Oscar de la Renta,

mirror

Today, Oscar is dead. Coincidence? Officially, yes, butt let’s examine the evidence: first, Oscar was never a fan of MO’s mini-me cardigans:

Fashion can get ugly. It looks like the king of American fashion is openly dissing the First Lady for wearing her wallet-friendly J.Crew ensemble to meet the Queen of England this week. Oscar de la Renta remarked, “You don’t show up at Buckingham Palace…in a sweater.”

Even one that fits so well.

article-2498251-194BC9F500000578-850_306x605I’m just glad he didn’t mention anything about the wrinkly skirt.

And then there was that time he criticized MO’s fashion choice when she wore British designer Alexander McQueen to the Chinese State Dinner instead of American:

relief for the middleclassAt least it was red

“My understanding,” de la Renta told WWD, “is that the visit was to promote American-Chinese trade — American products in China and Chinese products in America. Why do you wear European clothes?”

Even though both of the Wons have been working on those thin black skins of theirs, neither of them are capable of handling criticism graciously yet. Still, it seemed like MO had buried the hatchet, so to speak, when she finally donned the de la Renta frock. She even changed from her favorite, comfy, Speedo that she’d worn for the business part of the day:

1412849462447_wps_76_First_Lady_Michelle_ObamaBang-bang; you’re dead!

Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down): Nico Vega

So I’m just giving you a heads up: the official story will be she wore this frock earlier in the month to end the feud.

1412976523035_wps_50_NEW_YORK_NY_FEBRUARY_11_B

Let’s just say we got word of Oscar’s impending doom – don’t ask how, I’m not at liberty to say – and Lady M didn’t want to be the only FLOTUS in his lifetime to have never worn one of his creations.

So there you have it; just another item we can check off our bucket list – wearing de la Renta I mean, not, well, you know.

mo and jackiede la Renta? Oh yeah, we’ve sooooo nailed “the look”

Don’t blame me, like I said, I’m just here to connect the dots:

dotty

 

foto di mattiR.I.P, Oscar, we will miss your style

P.S. Butt there is Good News today too!

Screenshot Studio capture #2279

No new Ebola in 5 whole days!

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Monday, October 20, 2014

What We Need Here Is More Cowbell. And Free Cheese.

Leave it to Matt Drudge to make lemons out of lemonade:

(Reuters) - President Barack Obama made a rare appearance on the campaign trail on Sunday with a rally to support the Democratic candidate for governor in Maryland, but early departures of crowd members while he spoke underscored his continuing unpopularity.

drudge crowds walk out

Believe me, nobody is more understanding of people having to leave a campaign event early than Big Guy. You may recall that he had to do the same thing at an event back in 2010, thus earning him the handle “Rhode Island Runner” for awhile.

Rhode_island_red_1915_lithograph1Technically known as a Rhode Island Red

BO had to “duck” out of the fundraiser early in order to tend to other important family responsibilities:

President Obama’s final stop was a $7,500-a-head fundraiser in the well-appointed home of Arnold “Buff” and Johnnie Chace on the East Side, not far from Brown University.

The president spoke for about 20 minutes, then left before the dinner of locally grown foods by celebrated Rhode Island chefs — including lobster risotto** — that Mrs. Chace had planned. [...]
Mr. Obama concluded his remarks at about 7:30, saying he couldn’t stay for dinner.

“I’ve got to go home to tuck in the girls and walk the dog and scoop the poop,” he said.

Because, you know,

There’s no greater compliment you can pay to chefs than by talking about dog s*#t just before everybody eats and then skipping out on the meal they cancelled their prior engagements (for) in order to serve you.

Since the Maryland crowd that left BO’s speechifying in mid-flight yesterday was predominantly African-American I guess you can’t blame it on racism. Still, this is a very disturbing trend. We knew we were losing a few of our white and brown Obots, 

chicken5

butt our black chicks?

norfolks roam

Wow! that hurts. Because once they start wandering off the plantation, who’s going to be next?

black Lambs-feeding

I think we better take another look at our game plan.

down_on_the_farm

It may be time to call in some gig guns. We could really use someone like Lady M about now to help us herd our flock back into their chicken coop.

michelle-obama-hits-philadelphia-to-campaign-for-democrat-tom-wolf-04

black chickenMaybe we just need to bring a bigger black cock to this fight 

And if that fails, well, there’s always more cowbell!

Lenin_CowbellWhen combined with free cheese, More Cowbell has been shown to be 55% more effective

 

**If anyone has seeds or cuttings for lobster risotto, I would greatly appreciate it if you would send me your source. I think Lady M would love to have a locally grown source, and it would make a lovely addition to her Organic Garden of Good and Evil.

800The-Lounge-Sunday-Brunch-Lobster-Risotto-3Umm, umm, umm! Tastes just like chicken!

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Everything would run like a German clock if it weren’t for Bush.

As I reported yesterday, Big Guy was“seething” about his minions mis-mishandling of the Ebola crisis. He was so mad that he punished everyone (except his new Ebola Czar who hasn’t screwed anything up, yet) with an after hours shame and blame meeting where he made them listen for hours as he droned on and on.

CHILE/“When I agreed to take this job I was told everything would run like a German clock!

First he yelled at them for being so stupid they couldn’t even get the time right. Then he blamed Bush for leaving him a clock so broken it wasn’t even right twice a day,

20120416-broken-clock.jpg.644x0_q100_crop-smart

and then he complained that the Republicans took the hands off the clock and were holding them hostage.

Handless-clock

Finally, he complained about the unfair press coverage he’s been getting from places other than Fox News; like this:

October 17, 2014

1. We shouldn't need an Ebola czar.

2. We already put somebody in charge of corralling federal bureaucracies and coordinating local responses to national emergencies. His name is Barack Obama.

3. He has a chief of staff, the nation's chief operating officer, Denis McDonough; a homeland security adviser, Lisa Monaco; a national security adviser, Susan Rice; a director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention; and a Cabinet full of secretaries.

4. That should be enough.

(snip)

14. We shouldn't need an Ebola czar. The president needs to do his job better.

And this:

The announcement of Ron Klain as the new Ebola “czar” checks all the boxes: Harvard Law, longtime Democrat party op, veteran of the Clinton, Al Gore and John Kerry campaigns. The problem is, it checks all the wrong boxes. The Progressive myth is that we ought to have a government of experts — top men! — to handle the nation’s problems in a calm, deliberative manner. The reality is that we have a nation of unscrupulous lawyers, amoral apparatchiks and political hacks whose only area of expertise is manipulating the electoral and governmental systems and getting rich by doing so.

Ouchie! Big Guy has demanded that we get our hands on some of that precision German engineering ASAP, in order to preserve his legacy.

bo hitler

Because time’s a wastin’ and it’s my understanding that even Hitler’s upset about the way the Ebola thing was handled in Dallas:

Hey, I’ve got an idea! How about we go digital, like the rest of the world?

939 copy

Although that would probably require the staffing of a whole new bureaucracy and a new Time Czar: 

going digitalOkay, I need an “8” over here – stat! No, make that a “7”…quick!

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Saturday, October 18, 2014

Some day they will ask “how could we not have known?”

Here’s a factoid you might find interesting: none of the other FLOTUS’s that I’ve had the honor of reflecting have ever campaigned for anyone other than their husbands. Not so Lady M: she spends nearly as much time on the campaign and fund raising trail as Big Guy these days.

Most recently she was stumping in Florida for Charlie Crist:

“We need you to cast your ballot starting next Monday for early voting,” Obama said at a gymnasium at the Central Florida Fair grounds. “I’m asking you, vote early.”

I’m sorry to report that this took place yesterday, while I was confined to my hazmat suit, hence this:

mo crist2

I thought we had ditched this ill-fitting frock that even a mini-me couldn’t help.

 

ap_barack_michelle_obama_blue_dres_ss_thg_120911_ssv

Meanwhile, in continuing Ebolagate coverage, this is disappointing; we have yet another instance where Big Guy’s staff “let him down.” In fact he’s said to be “seething” about the was his little people have handled the Ebola crisis.

Beneath the calming reassurance that President Obama has repeatedly offered during the Ebola crisis, there is a deepening frustration, even anger, with how the government has handled key elements of the response.

Those frustrations spilled over when Mr. Obama convened his top aides in the Cabinet room after canceling his schedule on Wednesday. Medical officials were providing information that later turned out to be wrong. Guidance to local health teams was not adequate. It was unclear which Ebola patients belonged in which threat categories.

“It’s not tight,” a visibly angry Mr. Obama said of the response, according to people briefed on the meeting.

Not “tight?” – shoot, it’s not even in near the corral yet.

stop flights

So in order to get a grip on this spreading menace, Big Guy appointed an Ebola Czar, “just to make sure that we are crossing all the t’s and dotting all the i’s going forward.”  Funny, that’s not what my understanding of what a Czar’s job involves. Butt I could be wrong.

TzarNicholasAmongTroopsTzar Nicholas and his troops

In related news, BHO also advised us that he isn’t “philosophically opposed” to considering restricting travel to the U.S. from the three Ebola-stricken West African nations. Well, that’s good news Aristotle, butt we’re talking about a mutating virus, not a philosophy class. And your job is to run the government and protect the citizens not participate in a freshman debate on Schopenhauer v. Nietzsche.

And regarding our new Czar’s qualifications: he’s perfect. Who better to fix all of our Ebola PR gaffes, mis-steps and “communication problems” than the man who spent years cleaning up after Joey B? Dead on pick: a partisan loyalist with extensive experience in…politics…and spin! So take that, Mr. Ebola.

And now I feel like I’m getting a slight fever. If you have a fever too, there is only one prescription…MORE BOOB-BELT! –The Movie.

boob belt fever blog link copy(you can watch here)

mo shaq i 2013 Our FLOTUS: The Fashion Icon and busy Mom

And remember, we are out on the bleeding edge of truth around here. Others will follow, eventually. Someday they will say, as they have of others who preceded Big Guy, “How could we not have known?”

 

quotes-1054

“All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.” Arthur Schopenhauer

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