Monday, April 20, 2015

The MOTUS/Molsterman 2016 Primary Tracking Poll #1

Now that the Campaign for the Big White is officially out of the gate, it’s time for a primary poll, so I called in my trusted pollster - the most connected mole in Washington and creator of:

the molsterman report-no press copy

to assist me in this ongoing task. We discuss, below, the parameters and significance of the polls.

 

MOTUS: Hi Molsterman, thanks for stopping by.

Molsterman: No problem, I was in the neighborhood for dinner anyway, best grubs in town around here. What’s on your mind?

MOTUS: Well, I was wondering if it would be a good time to start our primary tracking polls. I know there’s only Hilz in the Demo…

Molsterman: Stop right there. It’s always a good time for a poll no matter who’s in the hunt and who’s sitting on their thumbs.

MOTUS: Ok, good. So how do you see things shaping up?

Molsterman: Look, if this is about how I see things shaping up, you don’t need a poll. Butt if you’re paying for a poll you should get what you pay for: so what are you looking for?

MOTUS: Sorry, I mean who would you put in our polls?

Molsterman: Who do you want to win?

MOTUS: What? No, I mean I want a poll where people can vote for who they want to win…

Molsterman: Well, that’s not really how it works butt we can do it your way if you want. Sorry I snapped at you, I haven’t had dinner yet and my blood sugar’s a little low.  Got any grubs around here?

MOTUS: “Any grubs around here” - that’s a joke, right? I’ll fix us a snack.

Molsterman: Good, but none of that crap that Lady M makes school kids eat! If I wanted a canned  sardine with a hockey puck and a side order of cracked wheat I could have stopped in at a school on my way over.

portsmouth-lunch-picture1

MOTUS: I thought you’d love Lady M’s healthy school lunches!

Molsterman: I’ll stick with assorted bugs and worms, thanks. Much more appealing, if you just give them proper “lighting and presentation.”

111026-cicada plate-h.grid-6x2 A proper plate of cicadas, with correct lighting.

MOTUS: Right…

Molsterman: Right... Ok look, here’s what’s on the 2016 table as of today. On the GOP side we’ve got three of our best Senators: Ted Cruz, Rand Paul and Marco Rubio. If it was up to me, I’d close the nominations right now. Ok, I’d let Walker in, butt he should get off his thumbs and announce. Come on Scott, the water’s fine, jump in. Besides, if we’re announcing alphabetically, it’s your turn.

On the Demoncratic side, well, we’ve got Yesterday.

yesterday hilz

MOTUS: So I guess there’s no reason to run a poll with only one candidate is there?

Molsterman: Use your CPU girly: we’re the pollsters now, there’s always a reason to run a poll. It’s “Yesterday” or “Anybody Else” – or if you prefer, “ABC – Anybody Butt Clinton.”

MOTUS: Oh, yeah. That’s brilliant.

Molsterman: Quit sucking up. Where are those snacks?

MOTUS: It takes a little longer when you want to get the lighting and presentation right, butt here you go; fried grubs on sticks.

fried-cicadas-cicadainvasion-2

Molsterman: You’re a doll; have you got any ranch dressing around here? 

MOTUS: Umm, the presidential polls?

Molsterman: Right, so here’s your GOP poll:

Molsterman: and here’s your Demoncratic poll:

Molsterman: Chicago Rules apply as accuracy is secondary to what we’re really tracking - preferences and enthusiasm – so as always early and frequent voting is encouraged. These are open primaries, anybody can cast multiple votes in one or both polls. No proof of citizenship or photo ID required, just like in the real election on November 8, 2016

MOTUS: Thanks Molsterman.

Molsterman: You’re welcome MOTUS.

MOTUS: I don’t think you’ve ever called me MOTUS before!

Molsterman:That’s okay Toots, I like to keep things professional as a rule butt since it looks like we’ll be working so closely for the next year and a half I think we can operate on a first name basis.

MOTUS: Butt I don’t know your first name’

Molsterman: That’s for your own good. You know how to get a hold of me, call when you want the inside dirt on Hilz’ “foreign contributions for foreign aid” scam. The NYT has barely scratched the surface. We may well be approaching that infamous spot where “the worm turns.”

3c049e266fca4fa7eb9912d23edcd422Watch as Hilz stumbles from “dead broke” to “not well off” to  “okay, not richy-rich.”

MOTUS: Thanks for your assistance Molsterman, I’ll be getting back to you as the campaign progresses for more of your polling and dirt digging expertise.

Molsterman: You won’t regret it, Toots.

hungry mole

Note: As always, H/T and apologies to Ulsterman.

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Sunday, April 19, 2015

New Opposition Research Resource: Hillary’s Gaffes and Goofs

Judging from the lack of MSM coverage, most of America would have thought that the first, historic, female prezzy’s campaign opener gaffe was her first and last. Butt actually, Hilz has been pulling boners (can I say that) since she entered the public scene and the gaffe rate seems to be increasing at Joey Biden speed.

UT0038718Hillary Rodham Clinton, reporting for duty!

Don’t believe me? Check out Blonde Gator’s Handy Reference Guide to Hillary Clinton’s Gaffes & Goofs that is now available to the Republican pollsters for use as an excellent opposition research resource. BG began gathering data just 4 days ago and her log is already jam packed with classic gems like this, from the Brian Williams “I Looked Into the Eyes of Death” collection:

“Run! Save yourselves boys! Chelsea and I’ll cover you”

The Handy Reference Guide to Hillary Clinton’s Gaffes & Goofs will be the first stop, every day for staffers working on a less historic candidate’s campaign, whether you’re a political operative like Doug Stamper from “House of Cards,”

16178-house-of-cardsPoint-man, hit man and chief of staff to President Underwood

or a self-described political junkie like uncle Chuck, now explaining American politics to the masses every Sunday morning on Meet the Press,

Chuck “Mr. Inside Baseball” Todd, he’s as “pi**ed off as you are” – yada yada yada.

or just in it for the laughs, you’ll find all the up to the minute red meat you need.

BG is no political neophyte. Unless you live off the grid in a cave, you’ve visited her Handy Reference Guide to Obama’s Gaffes & Goofs featuring historic gaffes like:

So scamper on over to BG’s Handy Reference Guide to Hillary Clinton’s Gaffes & Goofs early and often to load up your own quiver to do battle in 2016. I know I will.

tumblr_m162l77UDG1r2ae1jo6_500

And I know the list will continue at a rate that will put Barry to shame.

Hillary2

Not to mention poor old Joey B, who I suspect will be left in Hilz’ dust.

vp-joe-biden-baby-pacifier

On second thought maybe Hilz should get a binky too.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Little Man, Big Job: The Obama Doctrine of Withdrawal.

us-president-barack-obama-greets-the-audience-with-a-namaste

I think we’ve all been struggling to explain Big Guy’s foreign policy. Fortunately, the New York Times has finally done it for us: At Global Economic Gathering, U.S. Primacy Is Seen as Ebbing.

As world leaders converge here for their semiannual trek to the capital of what is still the world’s most powerful economy, concern is rising in many quarters that the United States is retreating from global economic leadership just when it is needed most.

no, no don't bow“America Bows Out”

“I’ve been searching for a word to describe it, and the one I use is ‘withdrawal,’ best I can come up with,” said Edwin M. Truman, a former Obama Treasury official now with the Peterson Institute for International Economics. “We’re withdrawing from the central place we held on the international stage.”

Of course the NYT thinks this is accidental - which is silly; everything is proceeding according to plan: BHO thinks America shouldn’t be any bigger, any stronger, any wealthier (especially wealthier) than any other nation. Once you understand his objective, everything else becomes perfectly understandable: the apology tour, the open borders, the mounting generational debt, the decimation of the military, the feigned deference to foreign leaders, etc., etc..

150126024050_president_obama_namaste_at_rajghat__624x351_afp

In other words, BHO is consciously uncoupling us from being THE preeminent World Power by doing everything within (and outside, to the extent he can get away with it) his power to topple our unearned position on the top of the totem pole. He wants to level the playing field; make all countries equal. The first part – toppling America’s power - seems to be working; at the Spring meeting of the International Monetary Fund and World Bank in Washington D.C. many have already concluded that the United States is:

on the verge of ceding the global economic stage it built at the end of World War II and has largely directed ever since. “It’s almost handing over legitimacy to the rising powers,” Arvind Subramanian, the chief economic adviser to the government of India, said of the United States in an interview on Friday.

That doesn’t seem a good idea to me as “rising powers” aren’t usually, uh, ready to handle that sort of responsibility. Butt if Big Guy thinks it’s a good idea…

china-building-aircraft-runwayChina builds island with a military airstrip in the middle of the disputed South China Sea 

Experts say that is giving rise to a more chaotic global shift, especially toward China, which even Obama administration officials worry is extending its economic influence in Asia and elsewhere without following the higher standards for environmental protection, worker rights and business transparency that have become the norms among Western institutions.

What!? China doesn’t follow the Western rules of law? Big Guy sounded a bit disappointed to learn that China wouldn’t follow his lead toward global equality:

President Obama said last week that he had concerns of China using “its sheer size and muscle to force countries into subordinate positions.”

Who’d a thunk that? I can only imagine what they’ll do after they take over the World Bank, economic leadership and their military is three times the size of ours. Oh well, I guess we just follow our President’s lead and HOPE they do the right thing once they become Emperor of the Universe. Otherwise Barry might live to regret giving up all our economic power, military might and international prestige to those inferior, unworthy, ungrateful little gnats.

TODAY’S EXTRA-CREDIT QUESTION: How is it that a narcissistic megalomaniac manages to bow, repeatedly, in deference to so many world leaders?

bow to japan china palestineBHO, bowing to Japan, China, Palestinian honor guard

HINT: the further he bows down, the more superior he feels.

shadowBO, bowing to his own shadow

bo shadow2

While America threatens to become butt a shadow of its former self

13291097-litter-of-puppies--three-english-bulldog-puppies-bow

I leave you with the words of a wise old bulldog:

churchill

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Friday, April 17, 2015

FLOTUS Past and FLOTUS Present Demonstrate the Danger of Gaseous Veggies

 “Hillary, Hillary, Hillary! That’s all I ever hear!” (apologies to Marcia Brady)

It was inevitable; when you’ve been the center of the universe for so long there was bound to be a little blowback when a former FLOTUS tries to take center stage again.

Especially when it’s time to open the Garden of Good and Evil and all the usual paparazzi are busy chasing after the old interloper’s Scooby van instead of filming the ritual of the annual rhubarb dance, (first seen here in 2010:

rhubarb dance2Getting back to our roots, 2010 edition of the “rhubarb dance” with former Chef Sammy

rhubarb danceOh yeah, it’s a real thing

Except for the dearth of media coverage, this year’s event - which took place on Tax Day - was no different. First we had the arrival of the Queen of the Rutabagas,

slide_418220_5325658_freeHellooo! I’m baa-ack!

followed by the annual rhubarb dance – a pagan ritual imploring Gaia to protect us from global warming deniers for another year – and finally the planting of this year’s crop of cruciferous vegetables, where they are all laid to rest.

slide_418220_5325654_freeTurnips to the left, rutabagas to the left of left

Most of the actual  planting of the Won’s Victory Garden is conducted by little children who have been inducted from around the country for this special work. Lady M serves as head horticulturist, instructing the children on the proper care and tending of the turnips and a rutabagas. 

slide_418220_5325642_free

What’s the difference between turnips and rutabaga?

Difference-between-turnip-and-rutabaga I’m glad you asked!

turnip vs rutabaga 2.jpg.opt857x642o0,0s857x642

TMI? Okay, let’s keep this simple:

GENERAL:

They are both root vegetables and a part of the Brassica genus.

The confusing part is that there are many similarities: they’re both root vegetables, and share a similar shape, colour, texture and flavour. However, there are many differences as well. Here’s a breakdown of the differences between these two awesome root vegetables.

APPEARANCE:

Turnip leaves are usually light green, thin and hairy, while the rutabaga’s leaves are bluish-green, thick and smooth.

hillary mo 55

Okay, that wasn’t really helpful. What else?

While both turnips and rutabaga can have a purple crown, rutabagas are typically larger than turnips.

hillary mo queens

Nope, still having trouble here.

Rutabagas have a rough exterior that is normally coated in wax.

hillary mo waxphotos courtesy of Madame Tussaud’s

Wow! I had no idea this would be so hard! Let’s try one more thing:

TEXTURE:

They share similar textures since they are both root vegetables that are crunchy when raw and have a tender bite when cooked.

fffa and sffa

Again, I got nothin’ people. I think the only logical conclusion we can draw is - what difference, at this point, does it make?

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Butt Hilz Was Yesterday and Yesterday’s Gone.

Senator Marco Rubio kicked off his campaign for President this week with an unexpected generational throw down.

"This election is a generational choice about what kind of country we will be," Rubio said Monday night as he kicked off his bid for the White House.


…"Just yesterday, a leader from yesterday began a campaign for president by promising to take us back to yesterday," Rubio said. "Yesterday is over -- and we're never going back."

I should be offended as I’m quite sure Marco’s speech was – in addition to being part of the Republican War on Women - an ageist assault on everyone over age 50. So at the risk of showing my hard drive’s age, I give you this flashback from deep within (yesterday’s) rock and roll vault:

I loved you all the summer through

hclinton1 
I thought I'd found my dream in you

Christina-Aguilera-and-Hillary-Clinton
For me you were the one

Time-thumb

But that was yesterday and yesterday's gone

Hillary Clinton Appears Arlington and Adams Syphilis Bitch

We walked together hand in hand

bill hill grow old with me

'Cross miles and miles of golden sand

clinton-dancing

But now it's over and done

40Youngstow_021908_135-1

'Cause that was yesterday and yesterday's gone

Hillary-port-authority

We had such happiness together

33SiouxCity_060208_146-1

I can't believe it's gone forever

Hillary

Wait 'til summer comes again

xHillary-Benghazi-copy_jpg,qresize=580,P2C290_pagespeed_ic_1L9CR3W5a6JJ6Uosov5W

I hope that you'll remember when

Hillary-Stevens-copy

Our love had just begun

hillary-clinton-super-pac-rally

I loved you yesterday and yesterday's gone

Meh-Hillary-copy

We had such happiness together

Clinton21408

I can't believe it's gone forever

Clinton Miami

Wait 'til summer comes again

ap354869106885-1


I hope that you'll remember when

2008-12-03-MAD20_6_HillaryCampaign

Our love had just begun

g215828_u61791_hillary_in_collage_image

I loved you yesterday and yesterday's gone

flyingMonkey_02

Yesterday's gone

Hillary-las-vegas

Yesterday's gone

YESTERDAY-H copy

Yesterday's gone

hillary winged sunglassesHillarious-copy

And on an unrelated note, don’t forget that today is High Five Day!

high five

Hilz was last seen in Iowa, working on the concept butt failing miserably:

hillary witch

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network