Frackin’ Genius

With only 9 months to go, both Lady M and Big Guy will be busy sacrificin’ nearly every day between now and next November. Accordingly, Lady M was in battleground Florida yesterday in her seams-on-the-outside Jason Wu making an impassioned plea for the Hispanic vote:

In case you were wondering how to translate the helpful USDA “MyPlate” into Spanish, here you go!

We’ve teamed up with Goya Foods, who agreed to provide the Hispanic community with propaganda information on Lady M’s ideas for proper nutrition in exchange for Obamacare waivers and a future draft pick. And you can hear how passionate she is about our Hispanic fat behinds: “Everything that Goya is doing – from the MiPlato posters and pamphlets to cookbooks and recipes – center around the idea that we parents can make simple changes to help their children lead healthier lives.” I’m not sure, butt I think that’s probably proper syntax in Spanish.  

In the meantime BO was on the road in Las Vegas and Colorado touting his Clean Energy 2.0 plan. Since all of our solar/wind/battery investments are going belly-up, we’ve moved on to hawking clean natural gas! Did you know that trucks can be converted (at great cost) to run on natural gas? Of course, natural gas refueling stations are not yet widely available on the intercontinental highways criss-crossing America. Butt that just opens up another opportunity for crony capitalism more federal spending investment in our energy future while mortgaging our children’s future.

And as luck would have it, guess who’s heavily invested in the only company positioned to do those diesel engine conversions to run on natural gas? George Soros!  While you might think that smacks of the same old crony capitalism butt it’s really just a coincidence.  Georgie (as Big Guy refers to him) is just about one of the most prescient businessmen around.

So anyway, now that we are totally on board with "…an all-out, all-in, all-of-the-above strategy that develops every source of American energy"  (except oil and coal of course). Butt watch out, because when the Greenies discover that all of this “all-out, all-in, all-of-the-above” strategy involves fracking, they’ll raise a fracking ruckus! Just like they did about the Keystone XL and that will put us right back to solar cells, windmills and mice on treadmills.

 

Anyway, Big Guy’s wrapping up this week’s battle ground state campaign jobs and economic recovery tour with a speech at the University of Michigan, in the People’s Republic of Ann Arbor, before returning for a little R&R ahead of next week’s battle.

BTW, I see we’ve adopted the all-out all-in red shirt campaign. Again, I take issue with the slogan writers around here: “I’m Fired Up”? Isn’t that expression from, like, back in the 70’s?

Do we really want to remind our countrymen of that decade? When just about everything that could break was broken? I think not.

Danger! Danger! Remember: If you break it, we own it.

I would like to take this opportunity to pass on Lady M’s good advice, slightly paraphrased : “We voters can make simple changes to help our children live better lives.”  

I thought she wanted to win???

Linked By: MaileO on The Daily Caller, Thanks!

Turkey Day: Thin skinned, Breasts and Necks. Mmm, mmm mmm!

 

Having successfully kicked off our campaign season on Tuesday night, we took the show on the road yesterday. As always, there were critics:

Big Guy took the opportunity yesterday to express his displeasure with Governor Brewer’s review of his performance. I guess he must have been absent from leadership class the day they covered Henry Ford II’s  #1 Rule: “Never complain, never explain.” 

Maybe I’ll talk with Chef Comfy here at the Big White, and have her include more foods rich in biotin. I understand that’s good for the skin. It may help with all the thin skin syndrome on display around here lately .

Butt I get ahead of myself: first campaign stop was in Cedar Rapids Iowa where he visited Conveyor Engineering and Manufacturing. And just between you and me – I think I’d find a new advance man for these industrial tours. I just don’t think our current team is thinking these photo ops through very well.

 Yes sir, that is one giant screw.

Why don’t you sent me about a hundred gross. You can bill the American taxpayer.

Then we were on to Phoenix (see above for our arrival). There we visited the site of a new, huge Intel plant where they’re going to make more of those little Intel chips that power your PC.

BO, TOTUS: right at home with his erector sets in Chandler, AZ.

After that chilly meeting on the tarmac, things went quite well. And the construction workers at the plant even got a day off!

Construction ground to a halt for the day

Unfortunately without pay…. 

More than 1,500 workers were asked to stay home for security reasons as the president toured the future site of a $5-billion Intel manufacturing facility in Chandler.

The workers will not be paid for the forced day off.

It’s not as though this sort of thing has never happened before. Why, just last May workers were furloughed without pay for security reasons when Big Guy visited…uh, Solyndra. Never mind.

Butt look at the upside: next week we can take credit for putting 1500 union employees back to work!

On the local front, Lady M was busy with her campaign yesterday too. She went to Parklawn Elementary School to discuss our No Child’s Fat Behind program.

 Marching in the lunch line: Mmmm! Yummies just ahead!

And to prove that the food being served in the SEIU Healthy Eats program is actually edible, contrary to reports coming out of our California encampment, Lady M joined the lunch crowd.

Turkey Tacos - mmmm, mmm mmm!

Making Lady M’s visit even more special was the fact that she was accompanied by mutual Oprah gal pal, celebrity chef Rachael Ray. Wow! At least it was someone who use to be Rachael Ray.

           

Becoming Rachael Ray:

Man! Doesn’t anybody keep the face God gave them any more?

or, the boobies?

Well, I guess there is Nancy Pelosi: the boobie that San Francisco has kept in office for a gazillion years now. Of course she does keep changing her face, so maybe they don’t really know it’s still her.

Nan, 2010: The real reason vampires stay out of the sunlight

San Fran Nan yesterday: the only original parts are the boobies

H/T 2 old crabs

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, Thanks!

This SOTU proudly brought to you by the Soros Fund

Lady M wore a gorgeous new, blue fitted Tfank dress for Big Guy’s first, historic third State of the Campaign Union read last night:

Everything else was apparently recycled:

Big Guy’s opening was strong: he took credit for killing Osama Bin Laden and weakening the Taliban.

He even remembered to thank the small people who were really responsible:

These achievements are a testament to the courage, selflessness and teamwork of America’s Armed Forces.  At a time when too many of our institutions have let us down, they exceed all expectations.  They’re not consumed with personal ambition.  They don’t obsess over their differences.  They focus on the mission at hand.  They work together. 

It was pretty much downhill from there. Because while Big Guy is all about focusing, everyone else around here seems to be consumed with “personal ambition and obsessing over their differences instead of focusing on the mission at hand.”

So anyway, BO declined to talk about the rest of our successful initiatives: lowering the cost of health care (up 18%), lowering the cost of gasoline (up 84%) lowering the cost of...well, you get the idea. Nor did he take credit for all the money we’ve pumped into alternate energy (Solyndra, et al), or for all the guns his BATF took out of circulation here in the US by sending them to Mexico. Butt I guess you can’t spend too much time bragging when there are still so many fish to fry.

So here’s a very short wrap up of the major themes from last night:

1. Blame Bush: “It was wrong.  It was irresponsible.  And it plunged our economy into a crisis that put millions out of work, saddled us with more debt, and left innocent, hardworking Americans holding the bag.  In the six months before I took office, we lost nearly 4 million jobs.” i.e. it’s really all Bush’s fault, like I’ve been telling you for 3 years now.
2. Blame the rich: “Right now, because of loopholes and shelters in the tax code, a quarter of all millionaires pay lower tax rates than millions of middle-class households.  Right now, Warren Buffett pays a lower tax rate than his secretary.” i.e. they need to pay their fair share. Are you listening Mitt?
3. Blame Congress: “As long as I’m president, I will work with anyone in this chamber to build on this momentum. But I intend to fight obstruction with action, and I will oppose any effort to return to the very same policies that brought on this economic crisis in the first place.” i.e. I’ll end run you and do it myself if I have to. That’s what executive orders and recess appointments were created for. Can you hear me now?
4. New regulation: “That’s why we need smart regulations to prevent irresponsible behavior."  i.e. like buying a house you can’t afford. Or incandescent light bulbs.
5. More clean energy: “Some technologies don’t pan out; some companies fail. But I will not walk away from the promise of clean energy.” i.e. I’m going to continue to spend tax dollars on the alternate-energy companies I like. And I like all of them that have bundled adequate campaign funds. And I love you, Greenies!!
6. More education for all. “Higher education can’t be a luxury -– it is an economic imperative that every family in America should be able to afford.” i.e. we’ll send your kid to college no matter what his interests or abilities. Because It’s only fair. And I love you 18-30 somethings!!
7. More immigration reform: “We should be working on comprehensive immigration reform right now.” i.e. I love you Hispanics!! Legal and undocumented!!

Fair this, square that, change the rules: I guess you have all heard this before. The SOTU has become somewhat of an anachronism that has outlived it’s usefulness in the age of the innertubes where everyone who cares, knows everything as soon as it happens and sometimes before.

So if we’re just going to use this soap box as a major campaign address, maybe we should bundle some sponsors and rename it: Maybe the “Goldman Sachs State of the Union Address” or the “General Motors State of the Union” or possibly even the “Berkshire Hathaway State of the un-Union”. That way we could stop pretending to be post partisan, and raise some serious dough.

 

Butt as it was, Big Guy’s rather ho-hum recycled read speech had even the loyalists reacting in a bit of a “been there, done that” fashion:

 

…and speaking of fashion: that brings me back to Lady M and her courtesans.

Lady M, in her box surrounded by all of last night’s political hostages

While Lady M was entertaining our political guests, including Warren Buffet’s overtaxed secretary, in her box Big Guy was down working the floor. He took time out to air kiss his secretary and thank her and her team for sending in the SEALS to rescue the political hostages in Somalia last night.

 

Anyway, a whole 65 minute speech, and only one mention of our Winning the Future plan, and that in a rather strange context: “Don’t let other countries win the race for the future.” WTF? We Can’t Wait! How are we going to give everyone a fair shot at their fair share if we don’t Win the Future? WTF?

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Attercliffe on Lucianne.com, Thanks!

SOTU: It’s Not Just A Drinking Game Anymore

I’m sorry for misleading you on the SOTU – I was so anxious I got ahead of myself. Of course Big Guy’s first, historic, third the State of the Union speech is tonight! How could Big Guy give the most important speech of this campaign season on the same day he entertained the Stanley Cup winners (minus their goalie)?

What? All I get is a puck?  How about one of those Stanley Cups? 

Seriously, I’m sorry for misleading you yesterday. If I had just checked Lady M’s schedule it would have been obvious that the big Speech wasn’t until today: her special detox and body wrap session is booked for this morning and Derrick Rutledge isn’t scheduled to perform his $15k/day artistry on Lady M until this afternoon.

       

      

The results of Derrick’s handiwork (with as assist to the in-house ‘shoppers)

He’s already lined up for next week too when Lady M will be appearing on the Jay Leno show (officially to talk about our No Child’s Fat Behind program, butt unofficially to kickoff of our official campaign season.)

Anyway, back to Big Guy’s speechifying. He kept his calendar free today in order to put the last minute spins recommended from the final round of input from our team of pollsters who were still busy as of late last night testing ideas for CHANGE with likely voters. You may wonder how we can incorporate such last minute ideas into Big Guy’s speech. Let’s just say we’re all professionals around here, and with the benefit of a staff of professional writers and TOTUS we can hang loose and be flexible. Something that George W. Bush was never able to do because his ideas seemed to be set in stone.

I can’t give you a draft of the speech, butt the talking points are already out there for our media lapdogs to start writing supportive copy. Here’s the Cliff Notes preview of his Teddy Roosevelt “Do-nothing Congress, so I’ll do it myself” speech:

• In Osawatomie, Kansas, the president talked about how this is a make or break moment for the middle class, and about how we can go in two directions. Less opportunity and less fairness — or where the president believes we need to go: building an economy that works for everyone, not just a wealthy few.

• Building off the themes of the Kansas speech, the State of the Union will lay out a “Blueprint for an America built to last.” The blueprint will be supported by four pillars: 1) American Manufacturing; 2) American Energy; 3) Skills for American Workers and 4) American Values.

• American Manufacturing: He will lay out proposals for how we’ll bring about a new era of American manufacturing, with more good jobs and more products stamped Made in the USA. Proposals will include tools that will help American small businesses to compete and grow.

• American Energy: He will present a new era for American energy — an economy fueled by homegrown and alternative energy sources that will be designed and produced by American workers.

• Skills for American Workers: The speech will include new ideas for how we’ll make sure our students and workers get the education and training they need so that we have a workforce ready to take on the jobs of today and tomorrow.

• American Values: And most importantly, the president will call for a return to American Values – of fairness for all, and responsibility from all.

What to expect: populism on steroids. It will include broad-based tax reform (tax the rich more, everyone else, less – that’s a fair shake) mortgage refinancing (Eat the banks, that’s fair), higher taxes on upper earners (duh!), and an expiration of the Bush tax cuts (hello - “Bush” tax cuts?).

Whew! It’s going to be another doozy. And I’m not just talking about Lady M’s frock.

I’m sorry, I’ve got to run as it’s a busy day for me too, as you might imagine. The big reveals are always tense.

And sometimes they’re downright scary:

I see that many of you are too busy this evening to watch Big Guy’s book report, so I’ll do my best to recap tomorrow. Butt if you want to have fun, play the hot new game, “Name Big Guy’s First SOTU Cliché: 2012 Edition.” I’m sure the prizes are spectacular, and they are even giving odds! Butt remember, it’s not a drinking game, although I don’t believe the rules prohibit a martini or two while playing. Just be careful out there.

To busy to watch Big Guy’s SOTU speech this year