Friday, August 29, 2014

A New Game Show: Tweet Like Your Favorite Famous Person

In case you missed it, GreetingsFromYonkers posted an insightful comment late Wednesday night on the limitations of Twitter in a semi-illiterate age:

“Gosh, wholly apart from whether we do or don't know what we do or don't know, I have an even more basic issue with Twitter.

It's the 140-character limit. Frankly, most people are not literate enough to work around this roadblock, which calls for exceptionally high vocabulary and syntax skills. Thus tweets end up being an incomprehensible mélange of clichéd abbreviations, or extremely superficial.

Let's all close our eyes and imagine what Twitter would be like in the hands of Dorothy Parker: a weapon of mass destruction! Can you imagine her tweeting this on September 15, 2008:

LEHMAN BROTHERS IN FLAMES. DID NOT KEATS WRITE "OZYMANDIAS" FOR EXACTLY SUCH AN OCCASION?

Jesus would have been a natural on Twitter too. His philosophical statement that became the cornerstone of Christianity, the Golden Rule, is also less than 140 characters.”

And then, yesterday, Sowsear posed the quintessential DP question: “What fresh hell is this?” I took the arrival of two Parkerisms in less than 24 hours as an omen of some kind, so I’m rolling with it; let’s all play “Famous People’s Tweets.” I see multiple ways to construct this; you can recycle famous people’s exact quotes as retweets on current events – let’s use one of Dorothy’s for illustration purposes (and speaking of illustrations, the use of a picture with your retweets is optional, butt welcome).

obama-fraud“Look at him, a rhinestone in the rough.” 

Or, you can re-write a famous person’s original quote to suit current events. For example, Ernest Hemingway, commenting on the ease of tweeting: original quote: “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”

The 21st century retweet translates to:

 #TweetingYourThoughts: “There is nothing to #tweeting. All you do is grab your #SmartPhone and #Bleed.”

Alternatively, you can use the style of a famous person to tweet on current events; Winston Churchill on #StopTweetingNow:

“#Never, #never, #never, #never, #NeverTweet!”

Or perhaps e.e.cummings on the demise of proper grammar in the Twitterverse, #usepropergrammar

 “#idon’tcare #doasyouplease”

Or, equally fun, take a famous person’s actual quote and repurpose it into a similar but more contemporary observation; F. Scott Fitzgerald original quote: “You don't write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say.” 

Repurposed modern sentiment expressed in a tweet:

“You don’t #tweet #BecauseYouHaveSomethingToSay, you #tweet #BecauseYouDon’tHaveAnythingToSay.”

Okay troops, carry on: this could get interesting.

keep-calm-and-keep-tweeting-28

or not…

stop-tweeting-and-get-some-work-done

Thanks, Yonkers! What a #GreatIdea!

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted and Featured on Patriot Action Network

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Truthiness or Consequences

Take a bow Stephen Colbert, your fake news show term “truthiness” has just been adopted by your government. It’s been shortened to “truthy” and is now a wholly owned subsidiary of the old “Attack Watch” organization which was later acquired by the newly incorporated “Truth Team.” (I explained how this worked back when the merger was originally announced in 2012.) 

In case you’ve forgotten, the role of those totally impartial organizations was to turn Right Wingers in to the authorities for telling lies about Big Guy - so the IRS could audit them.

truth team “The Truth Team is a network of supporters of President Obama who are committed to responding to unfounded attacks and defending the President’s record. When you’re faced with someone who misrepresents the truth, you can find all the facts you need right here—along with ways to share the message with whoever needs to hear it.”

The newest formulation of the Truth Team is a science project at Indiana University funded by the National Science Foundation to “monitor “suspicious memes” and what it considers “false and misleading ideas,” with a major focus on political activity online.” Because we don’t already have enough college kids in Washington messing with us yet.

obama-sleeping-kid

Butt don’t worry, the science project’s overseer assures us his intentions are pure:

“Truthy” claims to be non-partisan. However, the project’s lead investigator Filippo Menczer proclaims his support for numerous progressive advocacy groups, including President Barack Obama’s Organizing for Action, Moveon.org, Greenpeace, the Sierra Club, Amnesty International, and True Majority.

So don’t worry, fellow travelers will continue to have their right to express themselves with impunity. However, if your choose to express yourself in a fashion that we’ve deemed to be “hate speech” (criticism of BHO) or “misinformation” (non-progressive ideas) you will be tracked down by the “Truthy” Team and turned over to the IRS for auditing.

Sounds like Big Guy just used his magic pen to create a new Federal Department: the Ministry of Truth.

Ministry_of_Truth_by_jannefoo

Maybe I should reactivate the MOTUS Truth Team, just to help sort out the TRUTH from the non-truthy truth.

 

MOTUS Truth Team LARGE-3D copy

 

Truthiness or Consequences: It’s not just a game show anymore

irs_audit“You can use hate speech if you want, but it will bankrupt you.”

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Wednesday, August 27, 2014

In Which We Wonder About Things

My high school physics teacher used to tell us that in order to understand physics you first had to be curious.   His First Directive was “wonder about things.” 

I bring this up only because it is a source of constant amazement to me how uncurious everyone around the Big White is - and by “everyone”  I do mean EVERYWON. They receive a lot of information in their newsfeed that they tweet, text and Instagram on to others, along with an original witticism when the spirit moves them. If the “news” comes from a trusted source, i.e. somebody in their Twittersphere, they consider it “solid.” When they receive their own tweet back from someone else, they consider it confirmation. It’s the perfect closed loop information system.

closed tweet system

Everyone is in constant contact with 100,000+ other people around the globe who are equally uncurious; everybody sending and receiving the same thing without wondering about what it means, or questioning its veracity. That’s why most White House staffers eventually end up with media jobs.

Unfortunately this type of closed loop information system can have drawbacks; like your talking points might be contradictory or work at cross purposes. Or your message gets garbled somewhere along the re-tweeted chain of added witticisms: 

Like when you send someone out for a good high fiber cerealfruitloops and they come home with gay Cheerios.

At its worse, a closed loop system can result in a situation where nobody knows what to do about anything, as they suddenly discover they are devoid of any actual information that would allow them to know what they are doing. At that point the value of wondering about things you don’t know anything about becomes obvious.

“There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know.” – Donald Rumsfeld

 

unknown quadrant

Suffice it to say we are now operating firmly in that most dangerous quadrant: “we don’t know what we don’t know.”

#dangerous

I wonder why the whole world is still following us.

tweets

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Pimp My ‘Died’

August 25 shall henceforth be know as the "Day of Rage" (brought to you by the Justice Brothers®) – a day on  which we commemorate the slaughter of Michael Brown, the "gentle giant" who was just starting to get his life back together after graduating from Anger Management class.

Michael Brown 8114 (1)

Anger-Management-Class-Really-Pisses-Me-Off-big

Given that Michael roughed up 2 men in less than an hour before he was gunned down after assaulting a police officer in cold blood we can only assume he didn’t graduate in the top quintile of his class.

Butt this isn’t about Michael, it’s about the men who came to honor his memory by continuing to keep the the racial flames burning bright in America. I’m talking about the Reverend Al of course.

sharpton funeral

Did you hear his soaring oratory? His eloquent speechifying? That man has a gift; if he hadn’t decided to go into pimping civil rights activism he could have run for president. Oh wait…

sharptondempage

And before you criticize the Reverend for fanning the flames of racial animus for personal gain, allow me to remind you that this is what Al does for a living. Were he not so successful pimping for the “No justice, no peace” crowd he’d likely be running for public office.

rev al sharpton president

So count your blessings, and the next time you’re tempted to criticize the Reverend remember -  as any aspiring young rapper can tell you - “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp” and cut him a little slack. He’s just trying to make a living.

Chorus (which is the only printable part) from Al’s theme song, the 2006 Oscar winning “Best Song

You know it's hard out here for a pimp
When he tryin' to get this money for the rent
For the Cadillacs and gas money spent
Because a whole lot of bitches talkin' sh*t

rev al sharpton pimping“Pimp we Much”

Linked By: iOwnTheWorld, and Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

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Monday, August 25, 2014

State Department Barbie: She’s Come Undone

Okay, I ignored your complaints at first. I resisted your demands that the spokesmouths for the State Department be demoted from their JV status to intramural. However, based on this recent statement by Marie Harf –  darling of the Mo Beta Sorority of the Traveling Pants – I’ve been forced to reconsider my position:

pink harf2

Thursday at the daily briefing, State Department spokeswoman Marie Harf declined to acknowledge ISIS’ declaration of war with the Untied States of America.

When a reporter said,”The reality is ISIS has announced it’s in a war against America,” adding, “Right or wrong that is what they are saying.”

Harf replied, “Well, they can say whatever they’d like, but what I am making clear is that’s not what ISIL represents. And they don’t represent any religion. They are at war with everybody they come into contact with.”

Now, before you all pile on State’s Ms. Harf, let me point out that she’s only 33 years old – which translates to about 14 in sorority-girl years. How much intellectual maturity can you expect, really?

barbie harf_thumb[1]

“Well, you can say whatever you’d like, but what I am making clear is that there’s noI’ in ISIS and your insistence that it stands for ‘Islamic’ does not change that fact.”

I’m as mystified as you; I don’t know how Marie got her job as Deputy State Department Spokesperson either. Maybe - like Tommy “Hey Dude that was like two years ago” Vietor and Anita “From Campaign Driver to top Obama aideBreckenbridge -  she used to drive Big Guy around too. Apparently chauffeuring is a real resume builder and a great career path:

This should remind readers that the boyish and immature Tommy “Hey Dude, that was like two years ago” Vietor also went from driver/flunky to a top post at the National Security Council.

No military, geopolitical, diplomatic, intelligence experience required.

Apparently a good driving record and the ability to spend hours with Obama in a car are what qualifies one for the great responsibility of running and defending our nation.

My only other issue concerns Weasel’s original source for this report: Breitbart. Is this a Freudian slip, or political commentary?

“Thursday at the daily briefing, State Department spokeswoman Marie Harf declined to acknowledge ISIS' declaration of war with the Untied States of America.”

It could just be Freudian, on the other hand, one might argue that we are starting to come undone:

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

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Sunday, August 24, 2014

It’s Because I’m Black, Isn’t it?

COAL-BLACK

I see that both the Farmer’s Almanac and Joe Bastardi (the other Joey B) are predicting another El Nino winter, which means a stormier and colder than normal winter, especially along the east coast. That could prove to be a bit of a problem since power companies apparently took Barry at his word that “if somebody wants to build a coal plant, they can — it’s just that it will bankrupt them.”  So they didn’t. And they’re closing the coal plants they do have:

“In order to comply with the new Obama era EPA regs, American Electric Power, which supplies a major portion of the electricity used on the east coast, will be closing almost one quarter of their coal fired plants between now and next June. This is because they were economically unable to come into compliance with the new regulations in the impossibly short window of opportunity offered by the EPA. This is going to reduce the total surge capacity available for some of our most densely populated areas just when we may get hit with weather related demand spikes beyond anyone’s control.”

If that sounds scary, it is. According to the other Joey B, we were within one power plant last year of having the grid overload.

Butt I have good news too: thanks to the hard work of lobbyists for the insurance industry and Big Farming, Congress has provided for the American taxpayer (an endangered species) to help fund the growing of corn. And this year’s corn crop is shaping up to be a record harvest! So maybe we can convert all those abandoned coal plants to run on cornohol, at 5 times the cost of coal; tell me that’s not a win-win for Big Guy’s team!

bo field of dreamsBHO’s field of dreams

And speaking of corn, that reminds me of flyover country - which is exactly where I am right now!

Cloud_From_Plane_1Oh look! That must be Michigan down below!

I’m scheduled for my annual systems check and update at Hill Air Force Base in Utah next week and since the Wons need both Air Force Won and Air Force Won Too for shuttling various relatives, friends, acquaintances, Little Bo & Sunny and minor government functionaries back to Washington today, I’m flying commercial.

Butt guess who’s sitting right in back of me! Mia Love! Honest! I didn’t wish to intrude by asking if I coul transimaging her, butt trust me, it’s definitely Mia:

mia love3334

And in case there was any doubt, I can tell it’s her by the way the entire flight crew is fawning all over her. She’s obviously one their favorite regulars.

And she seems just as nice as you would have expected. She’s running for Congress again this November and I think she’s got a really good chance. Since she seems right at home in flyover I’m rooting for her.

mia and the kids

So that’s the highlight of my trip so far. If you happen to be sitting next to me - either by the window or the aisle - please don’t give me a harsh stare as I try to contort my rather rigid frame to conform to the space allocated to the middle seat. And don’t offer to buy me a drink either -  I’m not allowed to accept gratuities. That’s way above my pay grade. That privilege is reserved for presidential appointees.

So I’m going to be a bit jet-lagged and time zone challenged for the next few days, please bear with me. I will do my best to report any breaking news from any of the hot spots around the globe created by Big Guy’s leading from behind. And that included Ferguson, MO as the “Gentle Giant” is laid to rest by Presidential appointee, Al Sharpton, Chief Purveyor of Racial Justice. Now him - you can buy a drink.

reverend al tawana brawleyThe Reverend Al: pimping for racial justice since 1987

Meanwhile, as a very early Labor Day is right around the corner, enjoy what’s left of summer; butt remember to wear your sunscreen:

corn I told you sunscreen

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Global Unrest: Hey, I’ve got an idea! Let’s send #MelonHead

Man what’s a guy got to do to get a vacation in around here? George W. Bush went on vacation all the time and nothing ever happened, butt Big Guy can’t cut a break. Every time we try to get away, there’s fighting, aggression and rioting around the globe: Iraq, Ferguson, Gaza, Ferguson, Ukraine, Ferguson. Wait – what - Ukraine!? Again? I thought we had put that repartition behind us.

putin's ukraine

“Ukraine accused Russia of invasion today, after Vladimir Putin ordered a controversial aid convoy into the country because he could 'wait no longer'.”

Boy! That sounds familiar; I guess Putin’s got one of those ‘do-nothing Dumas” too.

putin badassSome dictators have pens and phones; I’ll stick with my AK-47

“Tensions in the six-month crisis rose to dangerous levels, as senior Ukrainian officials warned that an attack on the fleet of white trucks could be staged by pro-Russian militants to give a pretext for a full-scale Kremlin occupation of eastern regions of the country.

Such a development would trigger a full-scale war on the European Union's doorstep.”

I suppose now that NATO had to go and poke their nose into it, everyone will be expecting Barry to take precious time away from the family to condemn Russia for their aggressive behavior (behaviour?) as well.

“Nato last night issued a savage rebuke of the Russian move.”

For the record, a “savage rebuke” is one level above a harsh letter, which itself is one level above a stern reprimand – which is what Big Guy issued from the outskirts of the Farm Neck Golf Course to ISIS/L for beheading our journalist.

And for you haters out there who will be quick to condemn Big Guy for not doing enough - I don’t know what more he can do. He’s already unfriended Putin on Facebook and he’s no longer following his tweets. 

And to be honest, on the presidential priority scale Russia is way towards the bottom. If you’re paying attention you will have noted that both sides of this fight are populated almost exclusively with people enjoying their white privilege.

So until further notice, we’ll be focusing our efforts where we’re most likely to effective: Ferguson, MO. As long as there are cops acting stupidly, we will continue to send in our hand picked racial arsonists to fan the flames.

sharpton holderAG Holder with the Reverend Melon Head – and no, that’s not a racial slur, just an observation

And the White House, as the crisis following Brown’s death seemed to flare out of control, worked extensively behind the scenes to maximize The Rev’s doing what he does, using him as both a source of information and a go-between. After huddling with Brown’s family and local community leaders, Sharpton connected directly with White House adviser and First Friend Valerie Jarrett, vacationing in her condo in the exclusive Oak Bluffs section of Martha’s Vineyard, not far from where President Obama and his family were staying. Obama was “horrified” by the images he was seeing on TV, Jarrett told Sharpton, and proceeded to pepper him with questions as she collected information for the president: How bad was the violence? Was it being fueled by outside groups—and could Sharpton do anything to talk them down? – Politico

Because when you need boots on the ground in one of the world’s hotspots, who ya’ gonna call? FBI? CIA? U.S. military? Or a disgraced race hustler who has dedicated his life to oration and community organizin’. I mean the Reverend, not Barry.

tweeted revolution

So don’t tell me that our #Diplomacy isn’t working.

jen psaki hashtag diplomacy

Maybe it’s time for us to look into drafting a new varsity team ourselves; if ISIS can do it in record time, why can’t we?

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Victory Girls, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Friday, August 22, 2014

“This Was the Moment...”...Really???

As it turns out, the media shark jumping thing may have started earlier than I originally thought. The Washington Post took a small leap earlier this year with their editorial: “President Obama’s foreign policy is based on fantasy.”

And earlier this summer Charles Krauthammer criticized what he called Big Guy’s “John Lennon, bumper-sticker foreign policy — Imagine World Peace” ;

imagine-jonh-peace

saying it demonstrated “wish-as-policy fecklessness from our bystander president”

IMCC3_Please_Stand_ByDue to continuing ISIS, al Qaeda, Hezbollah, Hamas, Boka Haram, et al, barbarism, the illusion of peace is experiencing technical difficulties.

Still, accusing el Presidente of living in fantasy land is going a bit too far.

bkeyser BO disneylandh/t BKeyser

“I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick

Obamacare-health-ins.-cc2-565x5651

and good jobs to the jobless;

job-chart. labor force

this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow

ocean rate risee_to2012Whatever

and our planet began to heal;

PX*3924134“The tide of war is receding”

this was the moment when we ended a war and secured our nation and restored our image as the last, best hope on Earth.”

america-decline“Dude, that was like two years ago.”

“Fantasy” land may not be the best description for where Big Guy’s psyche resides.

Mirror-Mirror-embiggened-copy_thumb1“ Well yes, I reside in a very dark place,why do you ask? What difference at this point does it make?”

imagesCALLLWLIWhich doesn’t make them any less dangerous

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