Thursday, December 18, 2014

“I’ve been mistaken for a valet” and Other Tales of the Dark Side

It’s worse than we thought; even the Wons are frequent victims of racial injustice according to People magazine - The Obamas: How We Deal with Our Own Racist Experiences. In the article, Big Guy claims he’s been mistaken for a valet and Lady M said he has also been mistaken for a waiter.

Some say he’s been mistaken for a President:

Screenshot Studio capture #2362Rock star? President? Whatever.

Butt I think we all know who the real president is around here:

val shadowsAlthough undocumented and forced to live in the shadows, Val is de facto el Presidente.

And it’s not just BO who has to deal with racism every day; MO relates to People her own tales of victimhood:

"I tell this story – I mean, even as the first lady – during that wonderfully publicized trip I took to Target, not highly disguised, the only person who came up to me in the store was a woman who asked me to help her take something off a shelf. Because she didn't see me as the first lady, she saw me as someone who could help her. Those kinds of things happen in life. So it isn't anything new."

It may not be new, butt it sure is a new twist on an old story:

I’d like to file a protest on behalf of short people against this sort of humor: #ShortPeoplesLivesMatter

So let’s stipulate to the fact that mistakes were made. Depending on who they happen to however will determine whether or not they are racist. Take that unfortunate little mix up with Val Jar and the 4-Star General back in 2011. I covered the incident in They Also Serve Who Only Stand and Wait:

…a tiny little faux pas the other night involving Big Guy’s trusted Chicago advisor, ValJar.

You know the old saying “To a hammer, every problem looks like a nail?” Well, it looks like it has a corollary:  “To an imperialist, every uniform looks like a waiter.”

valerie jarrett 

Ok, Ok, it’s true. Val did ask a decorated US General to fetch her a glass of wine at a black tie dinner. Butt for goodness sake let’s take all of the circumstances into consideration before we jump to conclusions. For starters, the affair was held at the Alfalfa Club. The Alfalfa Club!? Isn’t that just a little racist?

ourgangalfalfa_buckwheat

Furthermore, Val worked hard to become an advisor to the Won: how about we just show her a little respect here.

And to be fair, had Big Guy been there, he likely would have thought the Corpseman looked like a waiter too. Racism has a way of making you view everything as a victim, which leads you to believe you are entitled to reparations, which naturally makes everyone your vassal.

So I hope you can see that this whole little mistake had nothing to do with elitism, and everything to do with racism. Butt there you go, making Val the victim all over again. Shame on you.

According to a tipster who reported the “situation” to the Daily Caller, this is what happened:

…According to our tipster, Jarrett was seated at the head table along with several other big-name politicians and a handful of high-ranking military officials. As an officer sporting several stars walked past Jarrett, she signaled for his attention and said, “I’d like another glass of wine.”

Garçon!

“The guy dutifully went up and got her a glass of wine, and then came back and gave it to her and took a seat at the table,” our tipster said. “Everyone is in tuxedos and gowns at this thing, but the military people are in full dress uniform.”

Thank goodness that controversy blew over with barely a whisper. I mean, a BLACK woman mistaking a WHITE military general as a waiter? How does THAT fit our narrative of racist America? Maybe racism is just racism whether it’s in “reverse” or going FORWARD!?

dead end

Anyway, I’ve got to run; I’ve got another mess to clean up on aisle 6. Apparently there’s been a little fall out from Big Guy’s latest end run around the Constitution and Congress.

2008-07-29-earthquakestore

Using his phone to call the Castro brothers, and his pen to “normalize” relations with Cuba seems to have shaken a few people up. Most likely the fallout is just due to the fact that he’s black. That’s how things are in post-colonial America. It won’t stop BHO however, he will proceed with his plans to "leave behind the legacy of colonization and Communism." 

I’m not so sure about the colonialism, butt I sure do see a trail of Communism in BHO’s historic wake.

empty shelves“Sometimes there was no toilet paper in the shops. Luckily there was not much food either.”

no food

So let’s lighten up out there! Everyone makes mistakes! It isn’t always racist.

Obama-constitution-view-610x400

To paraphrase Freud: “Sometimes a mistake is just a mistake.”

obama_one_big_ass_mistake_america_bumper_sticker

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

My Advice to Sorkin: “Take the Cannoli”

Aaron Sorkin is disillusioned; he’s left to wonder if there is any "such thing as privacy anymore."

Sorkin, famous Hollywood screenwriter who wrote The Social Network, Moneyball, and The West Wing, also wrote a New York Times editorial, sharing his views on the Sony hack of Hollywood emails:

If you close your eyes you can imagine the hackers sitting in a room, combing through the documents to find the ones that will draw the most blood. And in a room next door are American journalists doing the same thing. As demented and criminal as it is, at least the hackers are doing it for a cause. The press is doing it for a nickel.

I’m shocked, shocked, I tell you…the media? In it for the money? Just like Hollywood?

These Hollywood types are nearly as insular as the Washington types in their world view. Has Aaron never heard about the IRS phony-scandal?

irs lois lernerUnless they mysteriously disappear

Or the NSA phony-scandal?

3793639_Gall your data are belong to us

Aaron elaborated his views on the media when he was interviewed on the TODAY show:

“This is the exact same situation only worse by magnitudes because in this case the hackers stole this material and are threatening the lives of children...They're threatening the lives of whole families because they don’t like a movie that the studio is planning on releasing. How many different bedrock pieces of our decency do you have to obliterate before the press stops running the anchor leg of this relay travesty?"

“How many different bedrock pieces of our decency do you have to obliterate”?  How precious is that!? That’s intended as irony, right? You know, the “anchor leg” of Hollywood comedy?

Butt, seriously? Aaron is asking how many bedrock pieces of decency have to be obliterated before the media stops this travesty? I would say that’s like the pot calling the kettle black, butt I’d be accused of being a racist so let’s just say that the Hollywood sewer pipe has singlehandedly done more to obliterate any semblance of decency in this country than Planned Parenthood and the public education system put together (no mean accomplishment).

I don’t need to point out the general hypocrisy embedded in Aaron’s self-serving NYT op-ed rant: Ed Driscoll and Ed Morrissey have already done that more than adequately:

“The famed screenwriter is unhappy that news outlets are publishing emails leaked by hackers. But that’s what the media do:”

Sorkin, for his part, argued that the leaked material had no real news value, unlike the leaks from the Edward Snowden cache or the Pentagon Papers. Sony isn’t a government or Enron, he pointed out, but a movie studio, and nothing of what was stolen and published had any social or cultural value, appealing only to the prurient and the nosy.

In this, Sorkin landed a clean punch — but perhaps he was too much on target. His essay could easily be taken for an argument against the existence of Variety altogether. After all, Variety doesn’t cover governments or the Enrons of the world. What exactly is Variety supposed to cover, if not news about the studios and celebrities, the appetite for which can be best described as prurience and nosiness?

Ed Driscoll also pointed out that it was the NYT that previously asked its readers to crowdsource any revelations in Sarah Palin’s emails to help them dig up any dirt that was to be found (none). Butt that’s totally different from using the Hollywood emails for our entertainment purposes. That, according to Mr. Sorkin would he “morally treasonous and spectacularly dishonorable.”

Here’s a silver lining to this whole mess though: I think there’s a great movie in here somewhere!

godfather“I don't trust society to protect us, I have no intention of placing my fate in the hands of men whose only qualification is that they managed to con a block of people to vote for them.” – - Mario Puzo, The Godfather

And maybe we can cast the lead role with a highly skilled method actor:

bo mad godfather pose“Leave the gun, take the cannoli.” - Mario Puzo, The Godfather

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Our Elves Are Watching U

Oh sure, they look cute and innocent.

Obamas-2014-Christmas-in-Washington-Photos-5

Butt look closer, they may be government agents:

b

Or possibly even double agents. You simply can’t trust them.

3

They may all be working for the NSA for all we know.

mo9k9ucvgg1yw1z

WASHINGTON Internal documents from the National Security Agency show that its intelligence-gathering reached far deeper into Santa Claus’s annual toy-distribution operations than acknowledged. Sources close to the agency had previously confirmed that it has been provided with the contents of Mr. Claus’s database of naughty and nice children under a confidential data-sharing arrangement. But according to the documents, which were among those leaked by Edward Snowden, the N.S.A. also has direct access to one of the North Pole’s most closely guarded sources for that database, the daily field reports filed by Elf on the Shelf agents.

Since 2005, Mr. Claus has outsourced much of his behavioral analytics research to the Elves on the Shelves. Employing sophisticated surveillance technology, the Elves inform Santa about children’s toy-worthy activities — or, in some cases, recommend the delivery of coal, instead.

Under a program codenamed NSANTA, the agency has surreptitiously installed wiretapping devices inside the North Pole data center through which all communications to and from the rest of the world pass. The devices are custom-designed to identify and copy all incoming reports from an Elf, no matter where its Shelf happens to be located.

It is unclear whether the the interceptions are taking place with the knowledge or consent of North Pole authorities. Mr. Claus has long had a tense relationship with the United States government. Some have speculated that NORAD was able to extract extensive concessions in 2010, when the most recent treaty allowing him access to United States airspace was negotiated. Vixen and Comet have alleged that they were placed on the no-fly list in 2006 after delivering presents to Middle Eastern countries, and the Transportation Security Administration has confiscated millions of plastic toy guns from Mr. Claus’s sleigh. (more)

And don’t be feeling complacent if you don’t personally participate in the Elf on the Shelf Christmas tradition:

NSA-Elf-on-the-shelf

We now have alternate methods of keeping track of your behavior.

Phone-NSA-01-550x317They’re called “cell phones”

Nor should you feel complacent by virtue of your position in the hierarchy; we watch everyone even the duly elected elves themselves.

la-na-tt-feinstein-cia-20140313-001

So go ahead, enjoy all the perks of office while you can:

65bf5324358d50f54a3eeb37e48bf3ea

As long as you remember that being an elf doesn’t exclude you from being spied on. And everything we find can and will be used against you.

hands up dont shootHands Up! Don’t Shoot!

So remember, when you knowingly invite the elves to occupy your shelves and spy on your children you may be inadvertently training them to become Obots indoctrinated brain-dead members of the Hive – not that there’s anything wrong with that.

When parents and teachers bring The Elf on the Shelf into homes and classrooms, are they preparing a generation of children to accept, not question, increasingly intrusive (albeit whimsically packaged) modes of surveillance? – Who’s the Boss

Because, shoot - we can’t teach children the difference between fantasy and reality when there really isn’t much anymore. Can we?

So please, if you care about truth and justice, join my campaign today to help free the Elf from the unjust allegation of illegal spying. Allow him to once again sit, judgmentally, on the shelf. Free the Elf from all that Great White North Guilt! And Privilege.

i can't breathe elf-WMy

NOTE: I’D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE TO ANYONE WHO MAY BE OFFENDED BY THIS PRIVILEGED WHITE, RACIST, SEXIST POST.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network

Monday, December 15, 2014

Christmas Penguins

Since it’s Monday, the week before Christmas, this is my annual  Christmas/Hanukah/Festivus recipes/traditions/stories sharing post.

christmas penguins

As I’ve obviously excluded Muslims from my annual Christian/Jewish/Secularist event, I would like to apologize upfront to anyone who is going to be offended by this intentional slight.

In preparation for this day of fun and diversion I watched no news yesterday or today so I know nuth-ink’ about the Commie/socialist/anarchist/black supremacist terrorists who marched in New York this weekend. Nor do I know anything about the ongoing coffee shop hostage situation in Sydney, Australia where the terrorists - who demanded an ISIS flag butt whose affiliation with Islamic State has yet to be identified. For all we know they could be protesting the use of coffee beans that are neither organic, sustainable or “Fair Trade.” And to make their point, they probably demand “dead cops” too.

Any-hoo, as you may recall that this event was previously known as the “Christmas Recipe Exchange.” Due to an injunction filed against me by the ACLU I’ve expanded to the new, more inclusive nomenclature. While I’m certain it isn’t inclusive enough (see apology above) I’m hoping to get extra credit for trying.

So, since I’ve previously posted all of my favorite holiday recipes - Pear Upside-Down-Gingerbread Cake, Best EVER Banana Bread, Jude’s Pear Gruyere Breakfast Strata, Gump’s Goulash (involves one WHOLE pound of bacon!), White Bean Chicken Chili – I’ve decided to stick with a theme that’s always been popular in the past: Penguins!

So let’s start with some basic construction techniques; first, the Ho Ho Penguins:

Chrismtas edible crafts, kids crafts, holiday chocolate treats, penguin snack cakes, Ho Ho penguins, Swiss Roll penguins

Easy, once you have the instructions:

penguin ho hos

Next, there’s the ever popular Cream Cheese Penguins that can be used for multiple snacking and decorating purposes.

Black tie events:

buttons

Or you can marshal them into an army:

olivepenguins1

Plan a winter outing:-

iceberg penguins

Go caroling:

picCzBYcn

Or have a tree trimming party:

pics7qrfVpic3u8XxE

Again, it’s a piece of cake once you have all the instructions:

how to

75d8fc5c

Cream Cheese Penguins

Ingredients

    • 18 large ripe black olives
    • 1 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese
    • 1 carrot ( about 6 inches long and 1 inch in diameter)
    • 18 small ripe black olives
    • 18 frill toothpicks

Directions

  1. Cut a slit lengthwise from top to bottom in each jumbo olive.
  2. Fill the cavity of each jumbo olive with about 1 tsp of cream cheese.
  3. (this makes the white stripe of your penguins chest) Cut carrot into 1/4 inch slices, then out of each slice cut a small notch (these will be your penguins’ feet), save the piece you cut out this will become the beak.
  4. Cut a small slit in the center of each small olive and press the cut out piece of carrot into the hole with the pointed end out.
  5. Using a frill toothpick, stack head (small olive), body (large olive) and feet (carrot slice), adjusting so that beak, cream cheese breast and notch in carrot slice line up.

And if penguins are not your thing…well, there are plenty of other cute things on the Hungry Happenings site; like these Weasels, masquerading as polar bears, and the Christmas mice.

white chocolate weasels and mice

 

penguin

OK…now you’re on your own. Have at it. Give us your best recipe, story, tradition, whatever.

penguin_army

Just try to avoid the news, if at all possible; it can wait.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network

Sunday, December 14, 2014

So What Am I, Chopped Liver?

If you are a woman, it’s a pretty seductive argument : “Research shows men really are more stupid than women.

However, when your entire research universe is drawn from a self-selecting pool of low IQ specimens -

darwin-awards

- it’s hard to give the conclusion too much weight:

Study Abstract:

Sex differences in risk seeking behaviour, emergency hospital admissions, and mortality are well documented. However, little is known about sex differences in idiotic risk taking behaviour. This paper reviews the data on winners of the Darwin Award over a 20 year period (1995-2014). Winners of the Darwin Award must eliminate themselves from the gene pool in such an idiotic manner that their action ensures one less idiot will survive. This paper reports a marked sex difference in Darwin Award winners: males are significantly more likely to receive the award than females (P<0.0001). We discuss some of the reasons for this difference.

To be clear: you need to be really stupid to be part of this “study:”

how to start your chainsaw darwin styleYeah, you need to be this stupid to get on this ride.

Winners of the Darwin Award must die in such an idiotic manner that “their action ensures the long-term survival of the species, by selectively allowing one less idiot to survive.” The Darwin Awards Committee attempts to make a clear distinction between idiotic deaths and accidental deaths. For instance, Darwin Awards are unlikely to be awarded to individuals who shoot themselves in the head while demonstrating that a gun is unloaded. This occurs too often and is classed as an accident. In contrast, candidates shooting themselves in the head to demonstrate that a gun is loaded may be eligible for a Darwin Award—such as the man who shot himself in the head with a “spy pen” weapon to show his friend that it was real.

In fact, if you were to use the U.S. Congress as the control group, you might justifiably conclude that the sexes are equally stupid; indeed, you could even conclude that stupidity is an equal opportunity predator.

stupid congress people

I swear, between stupidity and wimpiness America may well be doomed.

Now it seems our best and brightest are so easily traumatized by current events that they can’t even take their finals. Here’s part of a plea on behalf of Harvard Law students, pushing for exam delays over the Ferguson and Staten Island grand jury decisions:

Unless you act now, you will allow the systematic underperformance of a great many students of color and allies on this campus on their exams.

We cannot walk away from our pain, and we cannot ignore our call to act against the injustice that threatens our families and our commitment to the justice system.

This is more than a personal emergency. This is a national emergency.

I’ll say it’s a national emergency: we are either too stupid or too wimpy to continue to thrive.

liberals-termites

Megyn has some thoughts, and some guests with thoughts on this latest national emergency:

I say give them as much “grieving and healing” time as they need; if it were not for our Ivy League’s really Big Brains how ever would we run this stupid country?

gruber_and the stupid peopleGruber: Big Brained MIT Prof thinks you’re chopped liver

how to debate with smart liberals

 

NOTE: DUE TO POPULAR DEMAND, TOMORROW WILL BE DEDICATED TO SHARING CHRISTMAS/HANUKKAH/FESTIVUS RECIPES/TRADITIONS/STORIES. SO PLAN AHEAD. (P.S. does anyone have a good chopped liver recipe?)

AND JUST FOR YOUR FUTURE PLANNING: SINCE THE REPUBLICANS WERE GOOD ENOUGH TO PASS THE CROMNIBUS FOR US, THE WHOLE  HAPPY, HISTORIC FIRST FAMILY WILL BE DEPARTING FOR OUR ANNUAL WINTER HOLIDAY IN HAWAII (SORRY, ISLANDERS) NEXT FRIDAY.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Key West Reader on HotAir, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network

Saturday, December 13, 2014

No Fleece, No Justice

Washington remains on hold while the Senate continues to grapple with the trillion dollar CROmnibus bill which passed – or more accurately, was punted - by the Republican held House:
“…you punt on fourth down, not first down. And right now, the House leadership, for whatever reason, thinks it’s best to punt without running a play.” - Rep. Mo Brooks (R-Ala.) note: this is a must-read

In addition to being on hold, D.C. will also be in gridlock: the Reverend Al Sharpton is holding his traffic blocking “Justice for All Blacks Killed by White Cops, Butt Not Blacks Killed by Black Cops or Whites Killed by White or Black Cops” march on Washington today. Because in Al’s world ‘tis always the season of fleece peace on earth and racial divisiveness/animosity towards all men of good will. Unfortunately not all of Al’s pals will be able to join him today.

jackson-pascal-sharpton-split

The Reverend Jackson will probably be in Chicago, protesting the thousands of black men killed by other black men, or Christmas shopping on the Miracle Mile with his armed guards. And, Ms. Pascal, well, she’ll be in Hollywood, grappling with the fallout from Sonygate:

 

jolie and amy Hello Amy; have you ever had chicken pox?

Butt back to Reverend Al’s bobbleheaded Justice for All march: apparently not everyone is on board with it:

“I would instead prefer a march for increased job opportunities for black Americans and better educational options in urban communities," said Project 21 Co-Chairman Cherylyn Harley LeBon,

"Al Sharpton seems to have one agenda, and that's garnering money and influence for himself within the liberal establishment," said Project 21's Lawrence B. Jones III,

“Violent riots in Berkeley, protesters intimidating and disrupting Christmas shoppers at a Toys 'R' Us in New York City and a militant group now threatening to shoot members of the NYPD clearly shows protests are devolving into anarchy," said Project 21's Niger Innis

“I wonder when we will march, protest and show righteous indignation over black-on-black crime and lift up our so-called collective voices with similar moral outrage," said Project 21's Reverend Steven Louis Craft

Hmmm. Maybe Al should cancel his visit to Justice and instead stop by Treasury, pay his tax bill and then go home to New York. If he stops rabblerousing in person, he would have time to write stories for Rolling Stone, where facts don’t matter either.

sharptonbrawley
Then he could once again become a man-in-full.

Annie Leibovitz’s 1988 portrait,

'The Reverend Al Sharpton, PrimaDonna Beauty Care Center, Brooklyn

web_AlSharpton_Leibovitz (1)“All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up.”

Instead of the not-so-funny little bobblehead he’s turned into.

bobblehead al-25-WM

After all, the country can always use another jolly Black Santa.

1 -alRESIST WE MUCH!

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network