We Are the Enemy We’ve Been Waiting For.

This does not bode well for my future as MOTUS (Mirror Of The United States):

That’s right; simply by peering into the mirror, we have met the enemy and, shockingly, he is us.

“We are the enemy we have been waiting for”

As always, the people responsible for this travesty will be held accountable, so I expect to receive my notice of (paid) administrative leave shortly.

Butt wait! I think I’ve found an IRS approved loophole!

You can’t really blame an empty chair can you?

Good work MOTUS! - if I do say so myself.

With a h/t to Clint Eastwood, allow me to make my case for clemency with this little vignette I like to call  "It’s like talking to an empty chair":

Scene 1: the IRS

“Okay, which one of you two clowns authorized the IRS targeting of conservative groups for harassment?”

“It wasn’t us, Congressman. It was the empty chair, right here, that authorized it.”

“Look, the President said he didn’t even know about it until he heard it on Fox News.”

“Okay then, it was Lois.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong, and if he doesn’t have to answer questions then neither do I.”

Scene 2: Benghazi

“Our consulate is under attack by Libyan terrorists; our ambassador and his staff are in grave danger. Request permission to send in the Marines, Mr. President.”

“Mr. President?”

“I’ve got a fundraiser in the morning, Leon, get a hold of Valarie.”

“Look Leon, you know I’m not leaving my fingerprints on that. Besides, I don’t have the ‘authority.’ Ask Hillary.”

“Sorry Leon, you know Val’s rules; the empty chair is the only one who can do that.”

“Sorry Leon, wheels are up; you know I have to turn off all my portable devices now. Check in with me again after I’ve caught a few zzz’s.”

Scene 3: Spying on AP/Fox News

“Journalists should not be at legal risk for doing their jobs,” Mr. Obama said in a wide-ranging address on counterterrorism policy. “Our focus must be on those who break the law.”

Mr. Obama said he raised the issue with Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr., who he said shared those concerns and would gather representatives from news media organizations as part of the review. Mr. Obama instructed Mr. Holder to report back to him by July 12.

With the truth, the whole truth and nothing butt…

“This might get awkward, Ricky, so let’s just make sure your investigation doesn’t turn up any more embarrassing facts about this little wiretap exercise, Okay?”

“Of course Bo, we’ll only interview the people who know nothing.”

I’m sure everything will turn out just fine. After all, Big Guy’s taking counsel from the best.

“Look Boo-Rock, a little advice: you’ve got to do more than assemble an enemies list. But not too much more.”

So in closing then: when Big Guy says “there’s no there there,” you can take him at his word. Literally.

Note to self: this might fall under the rubric of too much more:

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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Today’s Bonus Post: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

I do so love the smell of mendacity in the morning, don’t you?

“What's that smell in this room? Didn't you notice it, Brick? Didn't you notice a powerful and obnoxious odor of mendacity in this room?... There ain't nothin' more powerful than the odor of mendacity... You can smell it. It smells like death.”      – Big Daddy, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

h/t JWF

“Smelly cat, smelly cat, it’s not your fault”

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APPEARING NOW: IN PERFORMANCE AT THE WHITE HOUSE

 

Rome may be burning…

“Up on the Roof”

Nero may be fiddling…

“The Awful Truth”

and diddling…

“Sweet Adonis”

Whoops! Sorry, that last one’s actually New York’s latest mayoral candidate, Anthony Weiner; welcome back codder!

Butt back to my story: While Rome burns, and Nero rests up for the next party:

"So Far Away”

The rest of the staff scrambles around to put out all those pesky little grease fires that keep  popping up now that the election is over:

“Chains” – IRS targets

“Read Between the Lines” - AP/Fox News

“One Small Voice” - (Breitbart vindicated)

“It’s too late” – Obamacare on our heels

Well, I think you get the gist of the plotline. The show will be replayed in its entirety on Memorial Day on PBS: don’t miss it. Live, on tape, you’ll see James Taylor, Gloria Estefan, Billy Joel, Jesse McCartney, Emeli Sande, Trisha Yearwood, along with Carole King herself – it will be like you were right there, at the huge party!

Carole was the historic first female winner of the distinguished Library of Congress Gershwin Prize for Popular Song. And here’s why:  (h/t Keith Koffler)

Oh, and you’ll also get to see our very own “Natural Woman,” Lady M, “rock(ing) a polished little black dress, with her face-framing bangs back in full force.” Tell me that won’t just cap off your holiday weekend. Gosh! I wonder which one of her slimming little black dresses she wore!?

Inquiring minds want to know – more than they want to know what happened with the Mexican gun runners, the “spontaneous demonstration” in Benghazi, the IRS scrutiny of Tea Party groups, the wiretapping of the press, or the Pigford payoffs.

I’m going with a retread of our 4-ply “Where the Rubber Meets the Load” frock from 2010.

Our “Natural Woman” demonstrates how to “Carry Your Load”

What do you think?

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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Ignorance is the Best Operative Defense

When Lady M addressed the graduating class at Nashville’s Martin Luther King Jr. Academic Magnet High School last week she reminded them that failure was a part of life – no matter who you are:

“And then there’s this guy Barack Obama ... he lost his first race for Congress, and now he gets to call himself my husband.”

Lucky him

“I could take up a whole afternoon talking about his failures.”

Well, now it looks like Congress is considering calling her up to testify on the Hill, as they can’t seem to locate another soul who’s willing to talk about any of BHO’s failures to date, let alone all of them.

Meanwhile Val Jar is circling the wagons in the West Wing to fend off any more unfounded attacks by the Republicans on this President who knows nothing until he reads it in their tabloids.  (Note from yesterday: there won’t be any official “scandals” until our lapdogs say so. Until then they will continue to report only about “mistakes that were made” by underlings and any other “bumps in the road” that happen to come up.)

I can save Congress’ time though; I assure you that Lady M, like everyone else around here, will take the Fifth. Besides, if they want real info, they’re going to have to talk to Val, she’s the only one who really knows what’s going on around here. And she intends to keep it that way. Ignorance being the best defense and all.

From “What Didn’t He Know, and When Didn’t He Know it?”

Butt yikes! That revelation about the Justice Department treated the newsgathering activities of James Rosen at Fox News as an unindicted co-conspirator in a potential crime probe has even our loyal lapdogs chasing their own tails (tales?).

They really have no one but themselves to blame for this, even if they hadn’t been born yet when Watergate took place. I know for a fact that Watergate is the one piece of American history they still teach in college to this day. So it should have been “perfectly clear” when Big Guy kept saying “let me make this perfectly clear” that everything to follow would be as opaque as anything that ever came out of Richard Nixon’s administration. And normally the claim from the White House that this was going to be the most transparent administration evah! would have served as an alarm bell that the whitewash was on back order. In any other administration the press might have considered that a challenge of sorts; like Gary Hart’s Monkey Business.

So you can imagine how disconcerting it’s been for BHO and other members of the inner guard to find our own JournOlists, First Amendment watchdogs and government transparency advocates all ganging up on what’s left of Big Guy’s propagandists apologists.

Watch the Head Cheerleader appreciate your questions, for which he has no answers

Poor Jay; he’s a mouthpiece, not a philosopher. So his head spins trying to make sense of  the wisdom of Donald Rumsfeld’s existential truths of life:

There are known knowns; there are things we know that we know.

There are known unknowns; that is to say, there are things that we now know we don't know.

But there are also unknown unknowns – there are things we do not know we don’t know.

The way things are going, he’d probably be better off just sticking with the old Ron Ziegler line of defense:

"This is the operative statement. The others are inoperative."

Boy, if Watergate happened today, Woodward and Bernstein would have been prosecuted for extortion and Katherine Graham would have been fired. Butt then, we wouldn’t get to enjoy the sequel.

Two punk reporters and a dog whistle-blowing co-conspirator blow up a presidency: that would make a great movie! Somebody call Spielberg.

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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Press Drones On

Question: When does a Drudge story become a scandal?

Answer: When the MSM says so.

Question: When does the MSM say so?

Answer: 1) When it involves Republicans; and 2) When it’s about them.

Maybe the next time I try to explain to our lapdogs exactly how that slippery slope thing works they will pay attention. They didn’t much mind confining other people’s freedom of speech. Butt now, it’s about them.

 

No, you shut up!

How else to explain the Media’s sudden interest in the Federal Government’s abuse of power? They weren’t the least bit captivated by Fast and Furious (Gun running to Mexican cartels? No story there), Pigford (Massive fraud at USDA? Pass, story’s got no legs), Extortion 17 (Suspicious downing of helicopter filled with Navy Seals? Lunatic rightwing conspiracy theorists!) or Benghazi (Another case of bad, no good, customer service; now go away.)

Still, the IRS snafu (Illegal targeting of conservatives? Oh oh, that’s really not good is it?) gave them pause.  And then, the AP story broke (phone/wire taps at AP headquarters? – wait a minute! You spied on the Press! I might have to report this!).

And now: James Rosen being investigated as a “co-conspirator” – for the crime of reporting a crime? James Rosen, a Fox News reporter? A reporter?!? I don’t care where he works!

Okay cowboy, now you’ve gone too far.

No, not you, cowboy -

You, there, in the black hat (is that racist? Maybe I should check with Eric Holder):

Seriously, you know you’ve stepped into the deep manure when Brit Hume, Occupy Wall Street and everyone in between is on the same page.

 

 

(normally that means it’s up to the Press to argue it for him)

And here’s my all time personal favorite, from a man who has abused the power of the free press more than anyone I can think of:

Apparently this is now officially shameful.

I overheard Ricky and Big Guy talking it over yesterday. Ricky said “How are we going to get out of this mess, BO?”  Big Guy said “What do you mean ‘we’ black man?”

The Drone Ranger

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Weekend Roundup: Zoolander Meets Joey Wonka

If you were smart you made the most of your pre-Memorial Day weekend by not watching the news. Or maybe you only watched the Sunday morning talking heads to keep up on Scandal-gate. Either way, you probably missed the big stories about our newly expanded and re-vitamized initiatives. Let me bring you up to speed.

First, Lady M announced she is dramatically expanding her No Child’s Fat Behind initiative to zoos! Yup, that’s right, zoos. [Let’s be careful out there: no simian references please. We’re better than that.]

Most people are not aware of the growing problem of zoo resident obesity. In their natural environs animals eat responsibly; healthy, sustainable foods like grass, leaves and...well, each other:

I know it sounds heartless, butt lions, tigers and bears are sort of like nature’s personal trainers: the critters that don’t wind up as the entrée du jour get a lot of exercise and don’t grow fat behinds. Ok, so it’s not as civilized as jumping on the elliptical at Planet Fitness for 30 minutes, butt it is highly effective.

I don’t know all the details of MO’s plan yet, other than it involves copious amounts of Sensa added to the daily feedbag,  butt I think you’ll agree that our pilot project has produced some remarkable Before and After results:

Required Legal Disclaimer: Results are not typical. Your results will vary and probably disappoint.

    

 

And it even seems to work for toads, which could come in very handy around here:

I should point out that the FDA has not yet approved this new magic bullet diet for humans:

The booty in its natural habitat

Moo-ving on then, Joey B was also busy re-vitamizing our 2nd Amendment Repeal Gun Confiscation common “Sensa” Gun Violence Reduction initiative last weekend.

Check your email, because if “your in,” you got this email from Big Guy’s shadow campaign:

MOTUS -- This is just adorable in every way. Myles, a 7-year-old from Milwaukee, wrote Vice President Biden a letter to suggest that if guns shot chocolate bullets, no one would get hurt. The Vice President wrote back. Take a look at his response, then share it with your friends: Dear Myles -- I am sorry it took me so very long to respond to your letter. I really like your idea. If we had guns that shot chocolate, not only would our country be safer, it would be happier. People love chocolate. You are a good boy. -- Joe Biden               Thanks, Organizing for Action ---------------- A movement of millions elected President Obama. Let's keep fighting for change. Chip in $5 or more to STOP Organizing for Action today. Paid for by Organizing for Action Contributions or gifts to Organizing for Action are NOW tax deductible – Thanks IRS!   This email was sent to: motus@whitehouse.org.

Could there be a more adorable kid? Myles, I mean, not Joey B.

Joey Wonka and his chocolate bullet factory

That kid’s suggestion is the bomb! (can I say that?) We’re going to ban the manufacture and sale of bullets made from anything other than chocolate! You can have all the guns you want, even machine guns! We don’t have to worry about 2nd Amendment issues anymore! Pure genius.

It also fits right in with our old NOLA initiative, which we put on hold for RayNay’s trial and expected time in the hoosegow:

Given the conviction records of mayors from the other “chocolate” cities (former mayor Sharpe James, Newark, former mayor Marion Barry, Washington D.C. and former mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, Detroit) Ray Nagin might want to reconsider his decision to banish God from his “crazy moments.” He might need Him.

Anyway, if you’re interested, you can pre-order your Joey B national defense kit from Amazon today. Order within the next hour, and they’ll send you a second set for the same low price! Just pay separate processing and handling. Don’t leave your town defenseless.

So if all this doesn’t take your mind off the “irrelevant” law that used to make it illegal for the IRS to target el Presidente’s political enemies, well, I just can’t help you today. Take two chocolates and call me in the morning.

A B-61 nuclear missile: the silver bullet reserved for our enemies. Like the Tea Party.

Gratuitous chocolate picture of the day: all the way from Hawaii!

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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network