Saturday, November 2, 2013

Sex, lies and – if you insist – let’s go to the videotape

After a month of criticism of our Obamacare Website - so full of “glitches” that we can still count on one hand the number of legit enrollees -

number one now in 4 colorsWe’re #1 – now in 4 different colors!

we’re adopting a whole new approach.

new yourker mocks obamacare websiteBecause apparently the old one didn’t work right

Here are the primary tactics of our new strategy:

#1: Blame the Republicans. This one nearly always works; this time they are culpable because everyone knows they’ve been trying to sabotage Obamacare from the start. And they’re racists.

#2: Blame the greedy, heartless insurance companies. They’re rotten apples. That’s why we need to get rid of them altogether. And go to a single-payer system.

#3: Advise people that the cancellation notices from their insurance companies are a feature of the Affordable Care Act, not a bug. (see “rotten apples,” above)

#4  If all else fails, employ the Clinton Nuclear defense: “Everybody lies about keeping your healthcare plan.”

Screenshot Studio capture #1453…and healthcare

In case you haven’t figured it out, this new approach is intended to shift the focus away from “OBAMACARE ISN’T WORKING.”  Hey, there’s no need to shout, you’ve got our attention!

I don’t know which phony scandal we can refocus on though:

So many phony scandals to choose from, it’s hard to know which one we can use as a squirrel. Maybe “Fast and Furious.” There’s nothing new being discussed in that phony scandal right now, is there?

Perhaps we need a new squirrel of an entirely different stripe.

black and white squirrel

Butt sometimes those new squirrels end up looking more like skunks.

striped_skunk_and_squirrel_42-17339130eeeuuuu!

Besides, we’ve already got a black and white squirrel around here that stinks a lot.

boseering eyes All skunks worthy of their stripes have developed a deadly stink-eye.

So maybe we’ve reached the point where we need to employ another trick from the trusty progressive playbook; time to “reframe the problem” altogether. Obamacare: it’s so big, so awesome and so grand that no one man, no one woman and no one existing Government Department of Health and Human Services could ever possibly oversee its implementation. We need to form a brand new agency with 10 more levels of oversight and review to ensure it’s successful operation.

Obamacare-Chartpjm-7-28-10Because the first 200 levels aren’t enough

So here’s the deal: this mess is clearly not Barry’s fault. He made it perfectly clear from the gitgo: If HE likes your healthcare plan, you can KEEP your healthcare plan. Period. And I’ve got this fresh new videotape that proves it.

So ask yourself: just whose fault is it that the do-nothing Congress passed a law that they gave to a do-everything-incompetently bureaucracy, led by a know-nothing President?

That’s a rhetorical question, so if you insist on responding, please remember to do so in the  form of a question.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Abby L Call, Mireille Buser on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Friday, November 1, 2013

Halloween 2013: The Occupation Continues – Terror Ensues

halloween costume to avoid if you don't want to scare the kids

Well, we had a Halloween party this year after all. And while it was scary, as always,

8f5b8b67b1a3b924410f6a706700fec6

the whole affair was fairly low-key

white-house-halloween-best butt2

compared to past ghoulish celebrations around here:

batty2fairy

And then there was this “secret” after party in 2009 with Johnny Depp and the entire Alice in Wonderland cast:

johnny-depp-Alice-in-the-White-House-halloween-2010-johnny-depp-17993446-685-556

Lady M was festively attired in pumpkin and gray this year, as was Big Guy:

Screenshot Studio capture #1451My! 2009 v. 2013; we are getting gray, aren’t we? What’s causing that?

Anyway, now I know why Chef Yosses was in the garden with Lady M the other day:

Michelle Obama Michelle Obama Hangs Out Sesame pDlOH9uwN-OlOoooh! That’s scary!

Chef was gathering fruits and veggies for this year’s Big White Halloween treats:

webmd_photo_of_vegetable_critter_menagerie

Which were cute, butt not as well received as you might think. One of the little gremlins left his treats behind, along with this cryptic message:

Hate-vegetables

Other than that, the party went fairly well. Although there was a bit of a scuffle at the gate when the family dressed up as the Obamas arrived. No, not the idiot in the mask and straitjacket that resulted in diversity training class for the entire hospital:

obama-costume-new-res_17286

It was the Verizon Star Wars family that setoff the Secret Service’s radar detectors:

verizon star wars

Apparently impersonating a Wookie is as politically incorrect as impersonating a black or even half-black President.

Screenshot Studio capture #1450

Although, it wasn’t the first time we had a Wookie at our Halloween party:

wookie halloween2009: Lady M dressed up as Cheetah Rivera

Fortunately we didn’t have any of these embarrassing treats that somehow slipped through our political correctness filter in past years:

ghosts-600x450We’re very sensitive to anyone wearing white hoodies.

So, in addition to the veggie treats, this year we passed out dark chocolate squirrels, Presidential M&M’s,

Screenshot Studio capture #1449Maybe next year we’ll do fruitcake; always a big hit with kids too

and a special edition Presidential fruit and nut bar:

alice in curious land

So I wrap up this year’s Halloween post with a rewind from last year’s: you may recall that we had to call off the celebration in 2012 due to issues regarding the campaign and voting fraud concerns (not enough) related to Big Guy’s upcoming reelection. Unfortunately, nobody thought to advise Pastry Chef Yosses of the cancellation until the last minute. He was pretty upset as he had been in the kitchen working on pumpkin treats all day.

111124-pumpkinWhat do you mean we’ve cancelled Halloween!?! I’ve been working my butt off in here!

So I’m off; I understand Lady M’s holding a special tea for the six intrepid people who broke through all the “glitches” and managed to actually enroll in Obamacare last month! We love an excuse for a good tea around here. And each attendee will each receive a special, limited edition collector’s copy of the original CGI contract for development of the Obamacare website:

tumblr_m0dhqj6mkn1qj2u1wo1_400Not to exceed $800,000,000.00...or so.

So if you haven’t managed to successfully sign up for Obamacare yet, please keep those cards, letters, phone calls, tweets and keystrokes coming. Eventually you, too, might get to enroll. Maybe tomorrow.

jam

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and betyangelo on Weasel Zippers, and Mike Rodriguez, Abby L Call, Scott Wayt on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Russian Bears, Chinese Lions and U.S. (Paper) Tigers. Oh My!!

It’s official. Yay! We’re #2!! 

As planned, America has ceded our number one power position to the rest of the world. Which is only fair - we’ve been #1 for a very long time now - it’s someone else’s turn. We don’t want to be accused of hogging world leadership. After all it’s not as if we’re better than anyone else, right?

“I believe in American exceptionalism, just as I suspect that the Brits believe in British exceptionalism, and the Greeks believe in Greek exceptionalism.”  - Barack Obama, 2009

I'll take that as an affirmative response.

So Big Guy must be delighted to learn that he’s been bumped to the number two slot on Forbes’ “World’s Most Powerful People” list behind Vlad the Putinator.

walk away bo putin“You’ve been dismissed, little man from America. Now go.”

Better yet, by the time BO leaves office (should he chose to do so) in 2016, America will have also ceded the “world’s largest economy”  crown to China. So yay! again: we’re #2 economically too.

“Oh, but it’s all right, it’s all right
For we’ve lived so well so long
Still, when I think of the road
We’re traveling on
I wonder what went wrong
I can’t help it, I wonder what’s gone wrong”

“American Tune”: Paul Simon

And don’t think for a minute that these these things just happen – no sir! Big Guy has been working on passing these tedious torches to someone else ever since he first arrived in Washington to “fundamentally transform” the country:

The Obama administration has raised taxes on the top income rates, implemented Obamacare, added millions to the disability and food stamp roles, grown the size of the federal work force, run up the national debt, and vastly expanded the money supply, along with insuring near zero interest rates. Are there any historical examples where these redistributive efforts have brought long-term tranquility and prosperity?" – Victor Davis Hansen, seriously, read the whole thing. (h/t Doug Ross)

In case you don’t have time to read the entire article, that’s a rhetorical question.russian bears,chinese lions,us paper tigers-WM copyRussian Bears,Chinese Lions, U.S. Paper Tigers. Oh my!!

Anyway, that’s all well and good as far as it goes. We’re all about spreading the power around. Butt when Lady M finds out that she’s been toppled to #2 as well, I fear there will be some fur flying around here.

colonel meow“Cuz when mama’s not happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

I’ll have to make room in my little bunker for Little Bo and Sunny until this one blows over.

And it’s not as if MO’s been bested by someone with creds like BeyoncΓ© – which might be on some levels understandable – no, it’s that do-nothing skank, Kim Kardashian!

“Kim Kardashian is more influential than Michelle Obama and should be on the cover of Vogue.”

That’s right, Kanye West just said that his baby mama is more influential than Lady M! Just exactly how LoFo does Kanye think the LoFos are?

There’s more:

"There's no way Kim Kardashian shouldn't be on the cover of Vogue. She's like the most intriguing woman right now. She's got Barbara Walters calling her like everyday."

He has a similar view of his own place in the sphere of influence:

"And collectively, we're the most influential with clothing. No one is looking at what [President Barack Obama] is wearing," he said. "Michelle Obama cannot Instagram a pic like what my girl Instagrammed the other day."

You don’t really want to see that Instagram, do you?  You do? Okay, butt for the record, this is against my better judgment:

kim kardashian booty callKimmy, in her un-retouched selfie

Kanye, the King of Kool, explained why he thinks his big butted woman should be featured on the cover of American Vogue:

"There's a wall of classism that we are breaking through," he said.

Bad news, Kanye: Anna Wintour has already broke through that old school wall of “classism.” Twice.

2009-02-10-vogue_cover_michelle_obamamo vogue 2013

Anyway, Kanye said he doesn't care if some people find his comments controversial:

"That's not my concern," he said. "My concern is doing God's work, and he'll work everything else out."

Here’s a top 10 list of rapper and baby daddy Kanye West “doing God’s work.” It begins with his accusing Taylor Swift of stealing the “Year’s Best Video” award from BeyoncΓ©, and ends with his announcement that he has to use the little boy’s room – on national TV.

I see that some of you have been posting comments over on the NY Daily News article under pseudonyms. Such as this one, left by “kiapua:”

“the only thing kim and michelle have in common is their hoochie-mama clothing style , on kim it's okay cause she's the porn queen as for the First Lady, someone with some classic taste/simple-decency needs to dress that woman on her world tours.

Which prompted this outraged response from “janeytNEW:”

“Excuse you, Michelle does not wear "hoochie mama" clothing.”

Screenshot Studio capture #1439She doesn’t wear it like Kimmy does, that’s for sure.

“They're (sic) clothing styles are as different and far apart as East and West.”

 

Screenshot Studio capture #1440East, East and West, West

 

“Mrs. Obama just wears alot (sic) of sleeveless clothing. She doesn't expose her breasts, her dresses are not short, and she wears classy classic stylish clothing.”

 

these legs don't match moYeah, well, whatever

So, as you can see, they have nothing in common.

kim mo have a butt off

Aside from being “as different as east and west”

mooch big butt stools

 

Well, I’ve got to run. I’ve got a whole bunch’a stuff to do to get ready for Halloween. And no – there’s no truth to the rumor that Lady M’s going to dress up like the Great Pumpkin this year.

 

mo garden crop

That’s just our annual harvest from the Organic Garden to Good and Evil. I don’t know where the ghoul came from – the one behind Lady M I mean.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Abby L Call, Kathleen Franklin Avant, Candace Crider, Scott Wayt on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Incoming!! All Available Boots on the Ground!

Kathleen Sebelius (aka Kathipotamus) is testifying on the Hill as I post.

lv_sebilius_131029_standard

So far, it looks like fun, although she looked a bit surprised to find out she was going to be sworn in; you know, “swear to tell the truth.” That always complicates matters.

I wonder if anyone’s going to ask her about Lady M’s friend’s who works for CGI? Or if anyone will dare mention the Valkarie’s son-in-law’s potential connection to the HHS contract?

Butt I tell you what – how about we just ignore all the hippopotamuses in the room:

hippos in the roomDems dancing at the Kathipotamus testimony

and check out this tantalizing squirrel instead: (h/t HuffPo)

AjuCskoCMAAsQqX

“Those Obama girls are such trendsetters. On a trip to church on Sunday, Michelle Obama led her stylish brood in showing off some of the season's key looks.

FLOTUS and Sasha coordinated in shades of deep purple, and Michelle kept the hue current with a pair of black thigh-high boots. And Malia's statement-making coat offered a prime example of the grid-print trend we've been seeing all season.

We've seen plenty of stars like Hilary Duff, Miley Cyrus and Diane Kruger in sexy suede over-the-knee stompers... though we admit Michelle might make the shoes look the classiest. We've even seen FLOTUS rock the thigh-high height before, namely, on a trip to India back in 2010. (What a trendsetter!)”

“Trendsetter” indeed! Lady M’s been rockin’ boots, both tall and short, since 2009! Here’s just a teeny sampling from our previous boot-trendsetting years, in no particular order:

December 2011: Up Where the Air is Rare

Screenshot Studio capture #1436

Where we paired the hip boots up with a new style sheath dress, the shar pei:

shar pei_thumb[1]

November 2010: The Star of India has Arrived

mo boots3

Because housedresses, brown paper bags and black suede boot sox say “fashion forward” in Hindi.

December 2010: Historic Holiday Impressions

mo and giant santa

Because…well, because we can.

October 2012: These Boots Were Made For Walking

mo lucky boots

“Forward” and over the top!

December 2011: Jackboots, Silver Boots and Thigh-Highs

slim santa mo

Because every picture tells a story.

March 2012: Crouching Tigers, Hidden Dragons

Screenshot Studio capture #1435

These Tory Burches were made for gardening - with panache.

February 2012: St Valentine’s Day Massacre

mo boots

Seriously: mixed paisley print wrap dress and thigh-highs! Do we rock or what?

Well, I could go on

boots_thumb_thumb_thumbChamois soft buckskin: better than buttah’!

Butt all you really need to know is that all of Lady M’s thigh-high boots are custom made by a world famous boot maker who wishes to remain anonymous.

Mo's modified Clergerie_Boots-wm copy

And if Lady M’s totally, completely awesome fabulosity on the fashion front doesn’t completely divert your attention from the dancing Dems up on the Hill:

hippo dems questioning kathipotomous

Well then, there’s still this:

The White House will air a livestream of First Lady Michelle Obama's two Let's Move! events today beginning at 2:40 PM EDT, her office said.  Joined by Sesame Street characters, Mrs. Obama will make an announcement "about marketing healthier foods to children," which will be followed by the autumn harvest of her Kitchen Garden.

As Injainjuneer advised yesterday: the garden fairies have been here to restore our Organic Garden of Good and Evil after the Teahadists destroyed it during their anarchist uprising. So we’ll be proceeding with our annual harvest after all.

I better run and get my reflector and refractor shields warmed up. Who knows what MO will wear to this year’s sweet potato harvest?

michelle-obama-walking-garden_thumb[2]Jimmy Choos, on the march

I just HOPE it’s not those trendsetting brown suede over-the-thigh boots. They give Healthcare.gov a run for it’s money when it comes to holes, gaps and system errors.

Screenshot Studio capture #1437

And I know I’ll be accused of tossing out another squirrel to divert your attention from the dismal performance of Kathipotamus, butt hey, how often do you get a chance to use a picture of a squirrel in cowboy boots?

squirrell in boots…and packin’

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Adrienne’s Corner, and Abby L Call, Helene Fagan Bidwell, Candace Crider, Clint Counts on facebook, and @Standlow, @kmcccomcastnet, @sharondmwilson, @Treatise on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network