Sunday, October 27, 2013

Molsterman Report # 5: Analyzing Future Dem HOPEfuls

the molsterman report-no press copy

NOTE:  This is part of a continuing series of exclusive, clandestine, interviews with my mole (“Deep Quote” aka, “Molsterman,” secretly “Little Mo” to the MOTUS community) over at the Department of Justice.

I recently sat down again with Molsterman, who is still under deep cover at NSA, to talk about the 2016 Democratic hopefuls, and a little about the fiasco.


MOTUS: Thanks for coming over to give me your analysis of the potential Democratic Presidential nominees. I’m also curious as to what you’ve “unearthed”  for us regarding the fiasco.



Molsterman: Very funny. Now stop that! You’ll blow my cover. And you know I can’t talk about the Obamacare heist – too sensitive right now, got to file it with the rest of the phony scandals for the time being. But I can tell you what I know about the Dems 2016 contenders.

MOTUS: You’re a long time Beltway operative, so I’m sure your experience gives you some unique perspectives on the candidates.

Molsterman: Sure. I’ve been in this game a long time, I might be tempted to say “I’ve seen it all,” but there’s always a twist. Something nobody could see coming. There aren’t any microphones or cameras in here are there?

MOTUS: No, Raj swept it clean just like you asked.

Molsterman: Ok. Raj is a good man, he’d make a fine mole. Now, where was I?

MOTUS: You were…

Molsterman: I know where I was, MOTUS; that was  just a segue.


Molsterman: That’s cute. But I said, don’t do it again.

MOTUS: Sorry, it’s just what I do; it’s just a reflex.

Molsterman: So who do you want me to start with?

MOTUS: Ok, let’s start with the presumptive nominee and current poll leader, Hillary.

159932185St. Hillary

Molsterman: “Presumptive nominee,” where have I heard that before? Oh, yeah, 2008; Hillary, again. Didn’t buy it last time, ain’t selling any better this time.

She’s got the Clinton name meaning, Bubba’s on her team, so she’s got that going for her. That’s about it. She’s got none of the Big Dog’s charisma; Hill’s more like a snake charmer, without the charm.

Plus she’s got Benghazi hangin’ over her like the sword of Damocles, and Biden –among others – would be happy to snip that hair. The enemies in her own camp are gonna wrap Benghazi around her like, well, Behghazi. That will be the only good thing coming out of the Donkey’s primary: hanging Hillary with the deaths of those brave Americans she abandoned. Stick a fork in her.


MOTUS: Wow! You’re writing Hillary off?

Molsterman: Yep. The “beast” needs a sacrifice in order to put Benghazi behind them. Ain’t often that the sacrificial lamb is so deserving. It’s all good.

MOTUS: Ok, lets talk about Joe Biden. What are his chances?


Molsterman: Biden’s a moron and a clown. So I’d say pretty good, normally. But it ain’t gonna’ help him in this fight. He’s the designated executioner; wrapping Hillary in Benghazi so it won’t stain his boss in the history books. He’ll take her out, but it’s a suicide mission.

They're just using him to clear the weeds for somebody else. He don’t know that, but that’s because he’s a moron.

MOTUS: So you think the fix is in for somebody?

Molsterman: The fix is always in.


MOTUS: I know.

bo nose

MOTUS: Who is it this time?

Molsterman: That would be too easy. You figure it out. It’ll be good training.

MOTUS: Is it Lady M?

Molsterman: No. And don’t ask me “is it somebody” again. I already said I’m not sayin’.

MOTUS: Ok, butt is it Lady M?

michelle-obamaThe first sleeveless President? WON hot mess after another?

Molsterman: I said, stop that. There’s some, not a lot, who’d like to see her in the race. She ain’t jumping in. Got other plans. Want’s “the life.” You know better than me: Hollywood’s calling her name.


who else could make mo look smallNo, Big Chris, I’m not running as second banana again. Butt thanks for asking.


0225-michelle-obama-3“I interrupt the Governor's Ball to bring you this important Oscar announcement!”


MOTUS: Yeah, I just wanted to get your thoughts.

Molsterman: Next.

MOTUS: What about Elizabeth Warren?

warrencs02Zero chance till she changes her name to something a little less WASP: I’m thinking maybe “Jeepster Cherokee.”

Molsterman: Next.

MOTUS: So you don’t think Sen. Warren has a chance?

Molsterman: Next.

MOTUS: What about Deval Patrick?

Molsterman: Now you’re startin’ to use your CPU. He’s the Obama prototype. Might have been Obama if he’d been Muslim. Had the right look, sound, smell and feel.


deval“I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.I mean, that's a storybook, man!” Joe Biden


Molsterman: He just wasn’t raised in the “sleeper cell,” if you know what I’m sayin’. Could’ve been different for him if he’d been schooled by FMD.



Molsterman: Frank Marshall Davis. Next.


MOTUS: What about Cory Booker?

Molsterman: You’re a smart girl, MOTUS; either that or you’ve been hanging with the Obama Team long enough to learn the ropes. Corey is Obama 2.0, only more gay.

Obama Booker

 Molsterman: He’s even got “the Oprah support system” workin’ for him.

60499630Gayle King with Cory Booker: Oprah’s rent-a-beard

Molsterman: Same guys are behind the curtain pulling his levers. Stanford, Yale, Rhodes scholar he’s got all the right elite ed-creds.



Molsterman: And the hunger strike and tent thing back in ‘98 trued his “down wid da struggle” community organizer rap sheet. Everybody better keep a sharp eye on this one. If the guys behind the curtain can weed out and silence his “Sinclairs” before Hillary finds em’, he’s in like Flint.

MOTUS: In like who? Larry Flynt?

Molsterman: Should’ve known…you’re too young.



MOTUS: Oh! I should have checked my 60’s module first.


Molsterman: I’ll let that one slip, but your times up.

MOTUS: OK, butt can we talk about other potential candidates - some Republicans - another time?

Molsterman: If you play your cards right.


Screenshot Studio capture #1419So far, all we’ve got are Queens!


MOTUS: Before you go, can’t  you tell me a little something about the fiasco?

Molsterman: I could, but I’d have to kill you.


Molsterman: All I can tell you is that no-bid government contracts are always corrupt, dirty deals cut in back rooms to avoid the “transparency” of money being diverted into the hands of unqualified, incompetent contractors who then funnel a good chunk of change back to their government “benefactors” in order to “insure” the on-going “viability” of their sham organizations.


Molsterman: It’s like Ike’s “military industrial complex” only worse. Much worse.


Molsterman: You’re welcome. Now remember - we never met. The mess is simply a mis-miscommunication problem. That’s the official story, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll stick with it.

MOTUS: Oh. OK, I’ve got it: we just misunderestimated the complexity of converting 1/6 of the American economy to a government bureaucracy. And apparently we misunderestimated our communication skills as well.

Molsterman: Now you’re cookin’ with gas!



As always, h/t and apologies to the Ulsterman White House Insiders Report.


Previous Molsterman Reports can be found at the following links:

Molsterman Report #1: DOJ’s Fast and Furiously Expanding Scandal

The Molsterman Report #2: Checkmate

The Molsterman Report Volume III: Hints and Allegations

Molsterman #4: The “nose” knows

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