Saturday, September 3, 2011

Jobs, Jobs, Jobs in the O-zone

Well, the official score came in just before Big Guy left for Camp David:

Jobs:            0

Obama:       0

So it’s a tie.

Big Guy didn’t have a chance to comment on the box score since he had a father-daughter date at Camp David.


And if a person were to believe in omens, this might be considered a bad one: first Big Guy and Wee Won Two were diverted to Fredrick Maryland from the helipad at Camp David due to “weather conditions.” They completed their trip by motorcade. Although there was some speculation that it was just to avoid the Press - since the diversion was actually planned before they ever left the Big White, butt the media was not advised. Others have far more nefarious explanations. (H/T Kathy)

Anyway, then, yesterday afternoon, some idiot flew his private plane into restricted airspace over the Camp and had to be escorted out by an F-18 fighter jet.




I don’t think he’ll do that again!

Big Guy sure doesn’t need all these distractions while he’s busy working on his jobs, jobs, jobs plan.

fairygodmother-thumbAnd then the fairy job mother appears…

Lady M didn’t go with BO and Sasha yesterday morning. She’s still mad at Big Guy for reasons I’m not at liberty to discuss butt may or may not have to do with his/her drinking habits. Don’t worry though, she and Wee Won One will be joining the rest of the family at Camp David about an hour before Big Guy has to leave on Sunday for his Presidential review of hurricane ravaged New Jersey and his big Labor Day troop review (union, not military) in Detroit. The speech will be a mini-preview of the BIG speech to Congress, so don’t miss it. Plus, Aretha Franklin is going to be his opening act! And Pug Trumka will be this year’s mascot for Detroit’s annual Labor Day parade!


No wait, that’s not right:


This year’s Detroit rally and Presidential appearance is brought to you exclusively by the AFL-CIO.

trumkaDick Trumka: delivering for the AFL-CIO since January, 20, 2009

Anyway, the bad news just keeps piling on. After Big Guy’s retreat on the ozone standards yesterday, it looks like we’re going to have to talk the enviro’s in off the ledge. We surely are not use to this kind of talk, at least not from our own side:

“Many MoveOn members are wondering today how they can ever work for President Obama's reelection, or make the case for him to their neighbors, when he does something like this, after extending the Bush tax cuts for the rich, and giving in to tea party demands on the debt deal,” Ruben said in a statement. “This is a decision we'd expect from George W. Bush.”

What ever made these people think that Big Guy would oppose anything in the O–zone?

Screenshot Studio capture #204

Any hoo, Lady M is getting rested up for her big role in ensuring Big Guy’s reelection. She’ll be ready to go as soon as the DNC comes up with the right incentives. As we speak, her agent is negotiating over the final details. The sticking point seems to be Lady M’s demand that she get a percentage of the total box office campaign take. Butt once they explain the questionable legalities of that arrangement to one of the brightest Harvard Law School graduates of all time, I’m sure they will all be able to settle on a suitable work-around.


And we’ll be ready to select our new campaign wardrobe and hit the trail. Committed to WTF since 2008.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Seriously on The Obama File, Thanks!

Friday, September 2, 2011

E-mailing it In

Welcome Politico Readers!

Apparently Big Guy really doesn’t know how to play poker.

POKER_OBAMA,_TOTUSButt he sure does look like he knows what he’s doing!

He didn’t use the exact words this time, butt never-the-less he sent John-Boy the message: “don’t call my bluff.”  This time he was talking about rescheduling his joint session of Congress “jobs, jobs, jobs” speech. Butt old John’s been playing cards a lot longer than Big Guy and, recognizing an amateur’s hand, went ahead and called him anyhow.

So Big Guy had to throw down his cards. Now he finds himself on TV Thursday night - up against Kid Rock and Lady Gaga’s pre-game  send up of the NFL season kickoff, and the Big White staff is furious.

It’s gotten so bad that JJ is beginning to develop an involuntary tick/sneer with his left lip. Watch, beginning around the 12 second mark. If he can’t develop a better game-face for defending our team’s tactics he may have to be benched:

Big Guy thought he could finesse the hand he was holding by pulling  an “unprecedented” move and simply declare the date and time he would address Congress. Oh,oh! Apparently that’s not how it works, at least not constitutionally speaking:

The fact is a president cannot schedule a joint session of Congress on his own hook. He simply does not have that power Constitutionally. He must ask the Senate majority leader and the speaker of the House of Representatives if the date he is requesting will work. Such a date has to be agreed upon by Congress before announcements are made. Obama did not do this.

It may be time for Big Guy to admit that he doesn’t know much about poker (or the constitution), and stick with something he’s better at. Like sending emails to his true believers:

At 10PM on the night of August 31, Obama’s reelection campaign sent out an email titled “frustrated.”

“I know that you’re frustrated by that. I am, too,” the email had Obama “saying” to his supporters.

The email goes on:

It’s been a long time since Congress was focused on what the American people need them to be focused on. That’s why I’m putting forward a set of bipartisan proposals to help grow the economy and create jobs — that means strengthening our small businesses, giving needed breaks to middle-class families, while taking responsible steps to bring down our deficit.

The president continued: “I’m asking lawmakers to look past short-term politics and take action on that plan. But we’ve got to do this together.

This whole joint session date dance was obviously engineered to make the GOP look like they are obstructionists for the president’s obviously selfless desire to get America back on track and the Old Media did its best to assist Obama to parlay that feeling.

Really, it was just so they would know that he felt their pain.

So, with the move to Game day, Big Guy has been forced to go on air at 7:30 EDT, requiring his California team to listen on the radio since they’ll still be stuck in traffic on their way home. He really had no choice once he decided to reschedule his own game-changer speech; he sure didn’t want to get called for a delay of game too.

delay of game

In other important email news, Big Guy just authorized the launch of our official answer to the Tea Party assault: the Obama 2012 We The People campaign. He had Plouff-Daddy send out this email to his loyal minions explaining how our grass roots populist propaganda pogrom will work:


Good morning,

We're about to change the way Americans engage with President Obama and his Administration by launching a new way for you to join with fellow Americans to petition the federal government on a range of issues.

It's called We the People and you can learn more about it, and sign up to be the first to know when it's live here.

President Obama believes that government should be open and accountable to its citizens, and that's the goal of We the People. This online platform gives Americans a direct line to the White House on the issues and concerns that matter most to them.

Soon, anyone will be able to create or sign a petition at seeking action from the federal government on a range of issues. If a petition gathers enough signatures, the White House staff will review it, make sure it gets to Obama Administration policy experts, and issue an official response. President Obama will even answer a few himself.

While this is a big change for the White House's website, the idea is actually written into our founding documents. Throughout our history, Americans have used petitions to organize around issues they care about. We the People gives you a new way to join together with others to ask your government to address a problem, change a policy, or take action on a range of issues.

We the People will be launching very soon so start thinking about the issues that matter to you and the people you'll ask to join you.

We're looking forward to hearing from you.


David Plouffe
Senior Advisor to the President

P.S. Help us spread the word about this new tool by forwarding this email to ten friends. And remember, if you want to learn more about We the People and be the first to know when it is live, head to


This email was sent to
Unsubscribe| Privacy Policy
Please do not reply to this email. Contact the White House
The White House • 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW • Washington, DC 20500 • 202-456-1111


H/T pipedream

According to the Blaze:

The White House unveiled a new online tool Thursday intended to help individuals petition the government. The new “We the People” feature, accessible on, is, according to White House director of digital strategy Macon Phillips, “a new way for your voice to be heard in our government.”

Per We the People’s features, if a petition garners enough signatures — 5,000 names within 30 days – the White House promises lawmakers will review it and that the White House will craft an official response.

I think our new Digital Propaganda Czar, Macon “Bacon” Phillips will be a very, very busy man if we’re going to respond to every petition with 5000+ signatures. And fortunately since he’s working on “official government work”  his overtime will be paid by the Federal government instead of the Obama for America campaign fund. We need to watch every penny of that billion dollar campaign chest!

Little Mo (not an official government employee and therefore not required to carry any water around here) can’t wait for the official start up of the “We the People” campaign. He has already drafted his first petition:

“We the People petition the President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama, to fulfill his promise to Matt Lauer that ‘if I don’t have this done in three years’  it will be a one term proposition. Accordingly, we the people call on President Obama to resign as of January 20, 2012”

I don’t know, I think this campaign has the potential to backfire.

Do any of you have petitions you’d like to launch?

Linked By: bleu66 on Politico, Thanks!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Essence of Lady M: She’s Black and Beautiful! WTF?

You’ve probably heard the exciting news about Lady M gracing the cover of the October issue of Essence. The only question in many people’s minds was “which nose would she be sporting?” Well the suspense is over: it’s nose # 3.1 – nearly the newest, although 3.2 is still in the beta mode.

Also on display, along with our famously toned guns will be all of the the other, ahem, “reimagined” enhancements: some real, some computer assisted.


New and improved since this PSA cover for AARP was shot


You may recall how disappointed we all were last December when the much anticipated Vogue cover shoot was cancelled. Well, now that we’ve made the big time, Lady M said that “Those people at Vogue can just go straight to hell!”


From the Essence article:

“My story to young people around this country and around the world is: Don’t look at me as the First Lady first; look at me as Michelle Obama, a girl who grew up on the South Side of Chicago. Because I was there, and this is attainable. There is no magic to this. It is hard work….”

Exactly! If you can get enough people working on HOPE and CHANGE for your husband’s campaign, the sky’s the limit!

In the article, “The Leading Lady,” she reflects on what she calls the “big, bright light” of her power as First Lady -- and she shares her mission to impart a critical message to young women: that where she is now is attainable with hard work.

At least I think she’s talking about the hard work on the campaign. It’s possible she’s referring to all of the personal “transformational” work she’s done herself.

She recounts her emotional trip to Africa, providing exclusive images for ESSENCE readers which document her various stops and what they meant to her personally.

Unfortunately, the Judicial Watch investigation into that trip may prove to be even more emotional than the trip itself.

Butt what really caught my eye when I was reading the Lady M piece was another article on the Essence website: 50 Reasons Black Women are Beautiful.

What struck me was how Lady M embodies so many of these 50 reasons herself. Here are just a few examples:

#8 “We play to win.” (Venus Williams)



Pretty self-explanatory.

#9 “We’re straight up.” (Janet Jackson)



With respect to the “black is beautiful”  meme: excuse me, butt hasn’t Janet Jackson had more work done to erase her beautiful black features than anyone other than her dearly departed and peculiarly distorted brother? 

And what’s up with the steroid-rage arms on these chicks?


#11 “We are creative beyond measure” (June Ambrose)


“creative beyond measure” for sure



Creativity ‘R Us

# 48 Cornrows accentuate our natural God-given beauty. (Cicely Tyson, 1973 before the braces.)



While Lady M doesn’t do corn rows (a bit passé) both she and Cicely do like to channel their inner Cindy Lou Who.


Oh, and Lady M also shares Cicely’s flare for jewelry:


#2 We love hard! Beyonce


Whatever that means. (Are those “slave” earrings she’s wearing!?) Anyway, Lady M is hard to love loves hard too.


# 23 Our faces can carry major lashes (Diana Ross)



As long as your lashes don’t extend further than your hairdo, you’re rockin’.

These two are still my favorites though:


#15 We break barriers every day (Josephine Baker)


It’s all in the wrist work: singing and dancing are optional.


# 29 We can be glam tomboys (Queen Latifah)


Maybe we went a little too far with the gangsta’ look? Butt It’s still a good look when you feel like throwing your weight around.


#40 We’re mentors, ready to guide a young person  Beyonce – again!

Were-mentors-ready-to-guide-a-young-[1]click to watch video

Because she’s such a great role model for young girls.



click to watch video

We all remember how Beyonce teamed up with Lady M to dance away kids’ fat behinds to the tune of her “Get me Bodied” hit (With modified lyrics of course since the original are rather, uh, adult.) Really, could you find two better role models for young girls?  They both embraced the American Dream in their own way. Of course Beyonce, not being as smart as Lady M, has to work a lot harder in order to have it all. Butt I’m sure she won’t mind having Big Guy and Lady M spread her wealth around – in order for them to live their American Dream.

Anyway there’s tons more reasons why Black is Beautiful, and most of them apply to Lady M so go check the rest out yourself. If you have absolutely nothing else to do.

H/T Fausta

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, Thanks!

More Blogger Problems

It appears I can post without pictures butt for whatever reason, Blogger won’t post my Lady M update today. (Doug Ross had problems earlier this week, it looks like it’s my turn in the barrel. At least the whole blog hasn’t disappeared! Yet.)

Continuing to effort a resolution. Hope to be posted soon.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

If the Economy’s Wrecked, You Can’t Re-elect. Verdict: GUILTY. WTF?

Is it any wonder Big Guy has been looking so haggard lately:


Not only is his end-of-summer book report due right after the Labor Day holiday, butt now we’ve just identified yet another constitutional role that falls on the shoulders of the Federal government: instruction on appropriate honoring of the dead at memorial services. You wouldn’t think that sort of instruction would be necessary, butt on second thought…

dis dressBO/MO, posthumous Medal of Honor ceremony for Sergeant First Class Jared Monti

Step one, according to the Boston Herald is to look sad. We seem to have been practicing that part, and pretty much have it nailed.

home3Just pretend you have to come home from vacation a day early

So is it any wonder we haven’t had time to deliver our Jobs, Jobs, Jobs! speech yet?

Also distracting from our important agenda this week: false reports alleging that Big Guy did not really ride on his Big Black Bus during his infamous Mid-west heartland tour.  I have evidence that not only is this report not true, butt that Big Guy was actually driving the bus himself:

Screenshot Studio capture #198photo credit: BKeyser

“Whoa! What’s this? Another dead-end? Does anyone know how to drive this thing”


Although we must be doing something right, because I see that Mexico’s President Calderone has taken a page right out of the official Obama Playbook and blamed American consumers for Mexico’s continuing drug wars:

Mr. Calderón made "an appeal to the society, the Congress, and the government of the United States" asking them to "reflect on the tragedy that Mexico and many Latin American countries live through, in large part, as a consequence of the insatiable consumption of drugs" in the US.

So apparently someone is paying attention to our tactics. Coincidentally, el Presidente is running for reelection next year too. Unless someone changes his mind.

Butt enough news from the political world. Closer to home, you may remember that FOM and MOL Clarice has been subpoenaed to sit on a grand jury right here in our nation’s capital. She of course can’t  discuss the matter brought before the grand jury, butt I can!


Grand juries as a rule make the Wons a little nervous, butt since this one was called hot on the heels of the Judicial Watch and the trolls at Fox News complaint about Lady M’s little road trips, you would think that maybe Lady M would really be all wee-weed up about it. Butt no; she remains remarkably calm; almost comfortably numb.

mo antoinette-1 WM

My  sh** detector circuit when berserk when I heard about it though, so I decided to do a little sleuthing. I have now learned from my secret source (Little Mo), that although there are 6 individuals being investigated, only one will be brought before the grand jury initially. If an indictment is obtained in the first case, a rapid cascade of indictments will be issued subsequently in a manner that will send shock waves throughout the country.

In the first case, prosecutors will seek to indict - are you ready - a Ham Sandwich!


The as of yet unindicted co-conspirators have been identified in court documents only as Cheese 1, Condiment 1, Leafy Vegetable 1, Vegetable 2 and Sugary Soda 1.

Specific charges against the Ham Sandwich remain sealed, butt it is reasonable to speculate that they will include RICO charges, because everybody brought before a grand jury is accused of violating some aspect of the RICO act. Other charges include violation of the Federal “hate crime”  Act because the Ham Sandwich is made with a pork product, clearly not halal and therefore sending a hateful message to the Muslim community, violation of  “animal cruelty”  laws because it is unapologetically not a vegetarian sandwich,  and finally, violation of  the “child abuse” Act because it can, and has, contributed to the development of a child’s fat behind.

Wow! No wonder they say you can indict a ham sandwich!

Linked By: sowsear1 on NO QUARTER,

and Key West Reader on Hot Air, Thanks!