Irony: (from the Ancient Greek εἰρωνεία eirōneía, meaning dissimulation or feigned ignorance) is a rhetorical device, literary technique, or situation in which there is a sharp incongruity or discordance that goes beyond the simple and evident intention of words or actions.
What? Big Guy “dissimulate?” “Feign?” (hee, hee – now that’s irony!)
For whatever reason, irony has been worshipped by the illuminati for decades now. Possibly because the Hollywood and New York Times intellectuals often tend to confuse cleverness with intelligence; wittiness with wisdom.
Nevertheless, irony continues to entertain the demographic we’re going after so Big Guy’s WTF 2012 campaign has decided to stick to that path. So here, as part of my weekend review, are a few contributions from loyal staffers to “Buh-rock’s Big Black Book of Irony.”
1. The Blaze suggests that Tim Geithner’s recent CNBC interview might even qualify as “unbearably ironic.” Treasury Secretary Turbo-Tax Tim Geithner said the wealthy should bear a “larger burden for the “privilege of being an American.”
“That’s the kind of balance you need,” said Geithner. “Why is that the case? Because if you don’t try to generate more revenues through tax reform, if you don’t ask, you know, the most fortunate Americans to bear a slightly larger burden of the privilege of being an American, then you have to — the only way to achieve fiscal sustainability is through unacceptably deep cuts in benefits for middle class seniors, or unacceptably deep cuts in national security.”
(You can watch here if you have time, because to get the full sense of how, well, full of himself, earnest Toxic Timmy is you really have see him in action.) And rest assured, if Timmy had been a little wealthier at the time, he would have paid his fair share without complaint. Butt at the time, apparently he couldn’t afford to hire H&R Block to calculate his taxes correctly. Boy! That’s ironic. On several levels.
So the ironic question of the day is: if you don’t actually pay the taxes you are accessed for the “privilege of being an American,” does it count as bearing a “larger burden?” It’s kind of like one of those philosophical questions about trees and hands clapping.
2. Did you catch Joey B’s contribution to BBBBI?
“Americans are tired of being tired,” Biden said during the rally, according to WXII. “It’s clear that the American people have decided it’s time to get up. They’re tired of being told that we’re in a long, slow drift.”
This one is a contender on several levels as well: first, the guy dozing off as if he’s being hypnotized by Joey’s words of exhaustion:
Then of course there’s the in-your-face irony of Americans “being tired off being told that we’re in a long, slow drift” since it was mostly Joey and Big Guy who told us we had gone over the cliff in the first place. Before they decided that the cliff was just a bump in the road.
Much more on the “recovery” at Doug Ross
And then there’s just the irony inherent in catching so many of Buh-rock’s czars and czarinas asleep at the switch themselves:
The American people are tired of being in a long, slow drift. It’s beginning to feel like we’re the frogs in a pot of warm water on the stove.
So as you can see, Joey is definitely in the running for this week’s Irony Oscar.
3. Butt before I announce who the Oscar goes to, we better consider this last minute nomination because it could prove to be the most ironic of all - the 17% Pond Scum solution:
"We’re making new investments in the development of gasoline, diesel, and jet fuel that’s actually made from a plant-like substance, algae – you've got a bunch of algae out here. If we can figure out how to make energy out of that, we'll be doing alright. Believe it or not, we could replace up to 17 percent of the oil we import for transportation with this fuel that we can grow right here in America."
As far as green solutions go, this one looks like gangrene to me, butt then I’m not a Nobel prize winner like both Big Guy and his Energy Czar Dr. Steven Chu (who you may recall was the forerunner of the “paint it white” school of green energy).
So I’m not saying they aren’t onto something here:
" As anyone who has had to clean a swimming pool or fish tank knows, algae grow quickly. All they need is light, carbon dioxide, and a little water to grow like, well, weeds.”
Hold the phone! Carbon dioxide!?!! – isn’t he the bad guy? That’s ironic. If we need it to grow our future gasoline supply are we not operating at cross purposes here? Shouldn’t we be trying to INCREASE our carbon footprints rather than shrinking them - in order to grow more scum? It’s confusing, because who would’ve ever thought we needed more scum around here? Now that’s IRONIC!
And we’ll probably be using it to run our Big Black Bus, which currently gets only 6 mpg on the highway (which is ironic in itself – as is the the fact that the BBB was not build in An America Built to Last, butt in Canada!).
So after adding up all the ironies in Big Guy’s 41 second clip, I’m afraid I’m going to have to award this week’s Oscar for Irony to Big Guy – again.
And while this is slightly off topic, did you know that “There is presently no accepted method for textually indicating irony, though an irony (punctuation) mark has been proposed.” I didn’t either. Butt Big Guy did and it’s one of the primary reasons he needs another 5-10 years to finish digging us out of the hole our predecessor put us in.
Accordingly, we’ll be holding a big historic presser next week to announce our new Irony Czar, right after we pick won. Our Irony Czar will transform punctuation forever by developing a new international standard Irony Punctuation Mark. We’re budgeting $56 billion per year for the first 5 years of the initiative, which will be offset by future reductions in the cost of printing in years 2020 through 2120. And while we’ll be reinventing the definition of irony along with new standardized symbol, here are a few currently proposed options:
And BTW, since I was speaking of our friends to the North: here’s something else that was built in Canada, and is ironic. “And who would’ve thought...it figures...”
Ironically, a little travelling music by Alanis Morissette