Monday, February 20, 2012

Food: For Thought

We didn’t talk about this last week, due to a heavy news overload, butt I’m sure you all saw the story about the confiscated turkey sandwich at West Hoke Elementary. Did you see, or get one of these memos?

school lunch memoh/t MP

You probably recognize the USDA meal guidelines requirements (Isn’t that an oxymoron?) as Lady M’s Food Plate:


Of course we have to update this emblem. To get rid of the “choose” part, as apparently in elementary school it’s now a mandate not a choice. Sort of like contraception I guess. We really don’t want to leave important decisions like this in the hands of, well, ordinary citizens who don’t have access to the kind of unfounded wisdom that Lady M and Super Chef Sam Kass have.

Also, this just in: I’ve been advised that allegations against (aka are about to be alleged (PS: THIS IS SATIRE!). This is just a case of another fake controversy drummed up by some  crazy new right wing blogger (this time at Occupy White House Videos).


Great, just what we need. Another controversy that’s going to immerse us in a copyright and patent infringement lawsuit right in the middle of our WTF campaign. BTW, this new blog is doing some great video work, so scamper on over and take a gander at Occupy White House Videos world premier!

Butt I digress: you remember Chef Kass don’t you – the Wons’ private chef in Chicago who came to the Big White with them to ensure that the rest of America eats right? He’s been involved in Lady M’s No Child’s Fat Behind right from its start.

rhubarb danceChef and Lady M doing the “rhubarb dance” at our second annual fertility Rite of Spring in the organic garden of good and evil (2010).

           sam mokass flotus

Sam and MO: Co-authors of the “eat your peas!” campaign

Inevitably, Sam has become a minor celebrity due to his promotion from personal chef to Senior Policy Advisor for Healthy Food Initiatives and Chief Propagandist (as reported by Dewey).

kassSuch a big title requires a suit

In his official capacity, Chef Sam travels the country, promoting Lady M’s healthy eating and exercise programs:

samm kass and 6 yr old judgesChef Sam tries to explain to the audience on Top Chef why Austin has spit out all of the healthy food he tried; mom looks on in embarrassed silence.

Sam was reportedly the key figure in helping Lady M launch her Salad-Bar-A-Rama and may or may not be the principal behind the launching of the new, healthy McDonald’s Unhappy Meal.


MadMitchMeal_n                                   The New Mad McMitch Meal              h/t Clarice


What I do know for a fact is that - while Lady M provides the brawn behind the No Child’s Fat Behind program, Chef Sam is the brain.


    super Michelle kass_&_kummer1

The Brawn speaks for itself; butt how smart do you have to be to get interviewed by elite Atlantic magazine Sr. Editor Corby Kummer?


You can really tell who’s in charge by this exchange last week, as reported in the San Francisco Chronicle:

Kass has traveled the country to promote Michelle Obama's eat-right-and-exercise-more message, demonstrating along the way the pivotal role that he's come to play in helping establish policies that affect what millions of school kids consume each day and in trying to influence the American diet.

When Mrs. Obama was asked during a recent interview what was next for her "Let's Move" initiative, she quickly passed the question to Kass.

"What you got?" she demanded.

"We've got stuff," he promised her. "You're going to be busy."

Oh yeah babe! We’ve got “stuff.”

lobster champagne caviarLobster, check, champagne, check, caviar,check, sushi, check, rack of lamb, check…

Chef Sam, like Lady M herself, is multi-faceted. he went from being one of People magazine's "most beautiful"  People in 2009 to Fast Company's "most creative people in business" list in 2011. So don’t tell me he’s just a Food Icon.

One minute he's demonstrating how to make turkey lasagna with spinach on morning TV or chatting with Elmo about healthy school lunches, and the next he's discussing new standards to improve meals on military bases or working with Wal-Mart to reduce the sodium content in packaged foods.

"We're seeing real changes, both big and small, happening all over the country, and incredible partnerships and people stepping up in ways that we just never could have foreseen,"

olive-gardenNew Olive Garden Meal

Tom Colicchio, New York restaurateur and co-host of Bravo's "Top Chef," says Kass' passion for healthy eating and knowledge of the issue make him a natural for his dual role.

"He knows this stuff inside out," Colicchio said. "It's not him latching on to some trend. He's taken the time to learn it and understand it.

Indeed, he’s taken the time to learn and understand how things work around here. And while he’s latched onto something, it’s definitely not the “trend.”


And one last item:

Now that I’m officially Occupying the Truth, I want to put the kibosh on yet another soon to be raging controversy: Lady M’s historic 16th vacation of our Occupation. According to a Glen “Instapundit” Reynolds report, Ann Althouse has opined that  “You’d think with her husband’s reelection on the line, Michelle Obama would not go on another vacation.” Not an unreasonable opinion, if our historic reelection wasn’t in the bag, which it is. Just ask Bagdad Bob Gibbs.

Butt the bigger controversy is in Ann’s later statement, “You'd think they'd rein her in... or at least moderate the optics. What's going on? Are they super-confident of victory in November? Counting on our short memories? Or is getting Michelle away from the White House a big priority? ” No need to discuss the silliness of the second part: “or at least moderate the optics” since that’s MY job. Butt let’s deconstruct the rest of the statement and take the questions won by won:

  1. Super-confident of victory? Duh!
  2. Counting on our short memories? Duh again!
  3. Getting Lady M out of Big White a high priority? Bwahahahah...yes.

I’m sure that everybody here knows the real reason Lady M can vacation and spend your money lavishly without restraint. Butt in case there’s any doubt, you can just ask “former” senior White House officials like Rahm Emanuel, David Axelrod and Robert Gibbs


what happens when you fall out of Lady M’s benevolent graces.

Still not sure? Ok, I know it’s mean, butt Big Guy started it, so let me be blunt: that’s where the brawn trumps the brains. Bring it, sucka!

michelle-obama“But that’s been ... me since, you know, the day Barack announced, that I’m some angry black woman.”

h/t: clarice