Thursday, November 26, 2009

We Can Be Thankful This Year

I know a lot of you wonder if there is anything to be thankful for this year after losing the “O” - lympics and other snubs from a recently ungrateful world, but there is:

Be thankful for the men and women who, as Jack Nicholson said, “Stand on a wall” and keep us free. So troops, from me and everyone in America:





Ray Charles: America the Beautiful

MOTUS will be spending the next few days at an undisclosed location, breaking bread and gobbling turkey with the troops. Back on Sunday. Let’s all be careful out there.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Indians Arrive At White House Just in Time For Thanksgiving Dinner.

By all accounts our first State dinner was a huge success. Even Katy thought so! sd katie Glitz, glamour, Hollywood! Just like the campaign.

We’ve been preparing for the Indian State Dinner all week: setting up the tent alone was a huge chore. It’s almost as big as the Big White, which I guess isn’t big enough for our parties any more.

white house

But today was an absolute nightmare. First we had to deal with the high strung celebrity chef Marcus Samuelsson who, as it turns out, knows nothing about Indian food. North Africa? No problem. Swedish? Got it covered. Vegetarian southern Indian? Not a clue. Honestly, who’s in charge around here? But no matter, we just cleaned out whatever was left laying around in the garden and slapped some curry gravy on it. Here’s a partial menu:

Potato and Eggplant Salad
White House Arugula with Onion Seed Vinaigrette

Red Lentil Soup with Fresh Cheese

Roasted Potato Dumplings with Tomato Chutney
Chick Peas and Okra
or Green Curry Prawns with caramelized salsify with smoked Collard Greens
and coconut aged basmati

That’s not really dinner; more like garden compost. But no one will notice. The New York Times will be raving for weeks about the edgy fare: “Inspired.” “Creatively vegetarian.” Creatively pathetic, IMHO. I sent out for pizza after everyone split. The secret service guys were very grateful.

The guest list was pretty touchy too, since everybody wanted to come, especially all the rich American Desis. And Hollywood is always a problem for these events: they think all they have to do is call the day before and remind the social secretary how much money they gave Big Guy.Then there was the problem with Oprah’s invitation going missing, just after I thought everything was back on track.

But tech support was superb.In fact we haven’t seen this much tech support since the Democratic primaries.Everyone around here was asking for help with their iPod apps. Even TOTUS was a bit of pest; he wanted one of the tech specialists to take a look at his back up hard drive, which has been sending unauthorized messages to one of his channels.

But let’s just cut to the chase: it was a very busy day, with many wardrobe changes. Here are the highlights chronologically.

Morning, tangerines and limes:


Afternoon,Champagne J.Crew snowflakes, first seen with the Queen. New belt and skirt though:

sd pm

Evening. Naeem Kahn – Indian born American based designer. Oh, how clever of Lady M! “The dress is entirely handmade, requiring three weeks of work by 40 people, completed in Naeem Kahn's family workshop in India.” So that’s another 40 jobs created or saved right there.

sd13 sd12

The O’s, pictured here in the portico with Indian Prime Minister, Manmohan Singh, and his wife, Gursharan Kaur. They look like they just saw the dinner menu.

I could be mistaken, since I’ve only been here since Ronnie and Nancy, but I believe the only other FLOTUS to go strapless at a state dinner was Jackie. But I’m sure that’s just one of those weird cosmic coincidences. I’m absolutely positive Rosalind never went strapless.

I think, given the parameters I have to work with, I did a pretty darn good job with this. The only tricky part was getting MO squirmed into the Spanx body suit, but it was worth it. After all, even a high-tech mirror needs a little help sometimes. (OK,OK. Raj from tech support boosted my trans-imaging abilities too. But a mirror’s gotta do what a mirror’s gotta do. It’s a jungle out here.)

Over all, a great night. We made it through the whole evening without a single “Apu down at the 7/11” joke.apu But I hope they get here soon to pick up the elephants. They’ll probably scare the turkeys.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Jet-lagged and a Little Disoriented

Even after a whole weekend to recuperate from the East Asia Apology Tour, and a fun dinner in Georgetown at BFF Valarie Jarrett's swanky townhouse (no-slumming for her here), Big Guy was still major-league jet lagged.  He just doesn’t seem to be travelling so well these days.

So here’s the embarrassing little incident that happened last night in the East Room at Big White that we’re trying to keep under wraps:



Moshino, by the way.And belted at the natural waist. For a change.




BO was presenting the very special Robert F. Kennedy Human Rights Award to two women from Zimbabwe who are braver than the whole Zimbabwean army, in that they have stood up to the thieving, murdering dictator running their once prosperous country. Big Guy comes in, reads his elegant remarks, and then TOTUS tells him that he’s done. Now, Big Guy thinks that means like done, done, and so he leaves with Lady M by his side through the Great Hall.



Do you think it looks like BO’s makeup is sliding off?



But in reality, he was supposed to stay to mix and mingle at the afterglow, and when an aide finally caught up with him half way down the hall, he had to do another about face and return to sheepishly announce that "I'm allowed to stay." ” and “I never know what I'm allowed to do.” As if he had to announce this. The speculation that he was just slipping out the back for a cigarette is just wrong: do you really think MO would let that happen?

Anyway, he grabbed a glass of vino when he returned and the rest of the reception went without incident. Then we turned in early, so BO could be extra sharp for the Indian State Dinner we’re hosting tonight. He wants to impress them with his complete command of Indian cuisine, which he developed during his years in Indonesia where he did not attend a madrassas, but he did enjoy many a good madras curry.

Now some of you might think that TOTUS would really be in the dog-house for his role in making BO look like such a doofus last night, but the fact is Big Guy can’t even order take-out without him. So I think he’s safe at least through the holidays: of 2012.

Monday, November 23, 2009


Lady M was reading this the other day about eco-friendly bamboo luxury fibers being used in high-end fashion such as Viridis Luxe  - favored by the eco-elites in Hollywood – when a little light went off in her head. Why not use her clout to promote not only healthy eating, but healthy dressing as well? Better living through organics!

So now we’re going to expand the Big White’s organic garden to include fruits and veggies suitable for high fashion. MO wanted to put in a bamboo grove, but the Secret Service nixed that idea for security reasons: too much cover for potential evil doers.


Besides, as it turns out the luxury fibers aren’t so eco-friendly after all. Apparently to create fabric, “it's chopped up and dissolved in toxic solvents—the same process that recycles wood scraps into viscose or rayon.” Eeeeuuu! Who knew?

So we considered other eco-friendly crops. Cotton was out for obvious reasons.

Flax is still in the running, although it’s pretty hard to consider linen “luxury” along any lines other than you need a staff of servants to keep it ironed.

linen3 linen orange

So MO has pretty much settled on sweet potatoes. Pretty fibrous, and delicious with those little marshmallows.


We have all winter to iron out the details. We need to find a fiber manufacturer who can process the sticky fibers without chemicals. Apparently there’s no such process known to man yet, which is the same teensy-tiny problem the bamboo people have encountered as well, but like I said, we have all winter. As well as George Soros’ entire empire at our disposal: how hard can it be? Besides, he’s already committed to Big Guy that if he can create or save 1million jobs by pursuing an eco-friendly process for turning sweet potatoes into silk.

Lady M is going to delegate that processing part, maybe to Eric Holder, in order to focus on her strong suit, design, We’ve lined up a whole list of designers, and Lady M can’t wait to share some of her very own creative fashion ideas with them.

michelle-snake How can this not be a win-win deal for everyone?

So watch for our new Spring line of wearable vegan resort wear!

Fruit Of The Loom

As well as a full line of handbags and millinery:

 NANCY%20LAURA%20CARMEN%20MIRANDA%20SHOT 6a00d8341bfaf553ef010536f7ef14970b-800wi

And even feminine undergarments:


A full line of eco-friendly, totally sustainable fashion. Good enough to eat. Mmm, mmm, mmm!

We’re still not sure what to call Lady M’s fashion line. Let me know which of these you like best: “Greening Your Seaming”, or “Gussets and Russets?” We’ve already rejected “Gowns of Greens: Made From Beans” and “Casual Cords Made From Gourds.” Just too wordy.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Lady M at Ground Zero

Anon referred me to this, which I post only to show you how much worse it could be without me.

newsweekmichelleh/t I Own the World

Thanks again anon, we all owe you.

PS. I believe that’s GM headquarters in downtown Detroit in the background.