Saturday, February 27, 2010

Let’s Get Moving. We’ve Got Parties To Plan

Just a quick update: everyone’s panties are still in a bundle around here, so I’m laying low.

Big Guy still can’t believe what happened at the Blair Health Project. He’s got Toes, Gibbsy and Axeman in the Oval and there’s a lot of shouting and I see them bringing in sandwiches and bandages.

Lady M is all upset about losing her BBFF, just because she showed some Chicago hospitality  to a couple of unexpected Big White guests. But apparently Desiree took MO’s new fat kids campaign a little too personally.

lets-move Others are speculating that it was the mummy outfit that did Desi in.

big dI don’t know, I think it was just a big misunderstanding. Desi thought she was going to get to be the Big White’s fashion icon. That’s a laugh.

So anyway Lady M’s busy looking for a new party planner. Sally Quinn isn’t interested, so we’re interviewing our other friends from Chicago. Unfortunately the only experience any of them have is at Chuckie-Cheese, and the Secret Service isn’t too impressed with that.

I’ll try to keep you up-to-date over the weekend, but it might be tough. If you think there’s a tsunami warning in Hawaii, you ought to be around here!

I’ll get back to you when I can, but Nancy Pelosi’s on her way over now, so I’m heading for my little room at the back of Lady M’s closet. The last time I saw the princess, I had hairline fractures all over my face for weeks.

nancyp oh!

Friday, February 26, 2010

Party On!


A desiWhy does this look like a mug shot? 

I can’t believe it! Desiree is deserting us! Or at least that’s the official story.

I knew Big Guy was going to be in a foul mood after that business yesterday with the Republicans making him look like a petulant professor, but I never dreamed that Desiree was the one who’d take the brunt of it (my money was on little Bo). I certainly hope that my allusion to her complicity in last September’s Medals of Honor embarrassment in my previous post didn’t have anything to do with it. After all, I wasn’t telling anything that wasn’t common knowledge around Big White: Desiree is a pinhead.


But it sounds like she’s happy with what she’s done here. As she told Lynn Sweet at the Chicago Sun-Times, she’s hosted 330 parties since she arrived, and her work is done (way to go, Desi!). She said she has accomplished her job of making the Big White the “People’s” Big White – if by “People’s” you mean friends and supporters (philosophically, spiritually and monetarily) of the O’s, and  little black children who provide adorable photo ops.

Dear Desi told Lynn that she thought “this is a good time for me to explore opportunities in the corporate world." Hey babe. I’ve got news for you: this is definitely NOT a good time to explore ANYTHING in the corporate world. It’s been flat lining for, coincidently, just about exactly the same amount of time you’ve been “opening up the White House to make it the ‘peoples house” and planning parties. So good luck with that. I’d suggest you call Andy Stern, the unions are about the only people who have a positive cash flow these days. Or maybe Blackwater, because of your unusual security background.

So good luck. And don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Linked by Fausta – Thanks!

Who Entertains the Entertainers?

Following the very effective health care summit, Big Guy showed up last night to honor another bunch of entertainers.

natl medalarts humanities medal

He was presenting the 2009 National Medal of Arts and National Humanities Medal. Here are his opening remarks:

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you, everybody. Please have a seat. (Applause.) I'm sorry I'm a little late. (Laughter.) I had this thing I had to do. (Laughter.)

Oh the Big Guy! Isn’t he something? “ I had dis ting I had to do. ‘Cuz we have, ya know, our family has dis ting we have to do? And we had to put sum muscle on it, ya know?” Ha,ha. Big Guy – quite the entertainer himself. He brought the house down.

Anyway, after all these months, I can finally answer your questions about “what on earth was Mo thinking when she wore a cocktail mess of a dress to a Medal of Awards ceremony for U.S. Army fallen hero Jared Monti?”  last September.

medal of honor Jared Monti_thumb[6]

I hate to point fingers, but MO’s highly paid and equally incompetent social secretary (you remember Desirée, right?) misinformed Lady M as to the nature of the event:  she thought it was an awards ceremony for the Arts, rather than a real awards ceremony for a true war hero. So alright, all of you who kept saying she “could not possibly have had a clue to show up at a solemn event looking like that” were right. Are you happy now? Mistakes were made, we just have to move on.

Speaking of which, look who was here last night? One of the O’s faves: Sarah Jessica, looking hot.


See that perfectly fitted red sheath style dress? Just so you know, when Lady M looks in my special refraction lens, this is what she thinks she sees, although I rely on her other little people to fix her up so she doesn’t really looks like this:

mo red ouch Sometimes our little people let us down

But tonight she looked divine in her violet polka-dot dress by Jason Wu,  paired with a single strand of delicate pearls. She also wore the same outfit earlier in the day to meet with Mexico’s First Lady, Margarita Zavala de Calderon (no relation to THOSE Calderon’s)

First Lady Michelle Obama greets Mrs. Margarita Zavala de Calderon, the First Lady of Mexico, in the Yellow Oval Room of the White House, Feb. 25, 2010. (Official White House Photo by Samantha Appleton)

This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House. The two chatted about obesity, diabetes, addictions and the situation of undocumented Mexican minors in the United States. Margarita is also a well educated, professional woman - being an attorney and former member of the Mexican Legislture - with a handsome young family. a mexico But as you can see, she’s no match for the marvelous MO in the fashion department. Which explains why Lady M was named to French Elle’s best dressed list and Lady Margarita was only a runner up on El Toro’s hottie list.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Teach Your Children Well

Lady M was interviewed by WaPo’s Robin Givhan, and she took the opportunity to showcase our new initiative. No, not the “No Child’s Fat Behind” campaign: our new wrist bangles initiative.


For the interview we chose our stack of multi-colored, cultured pearls. (Get it? Multi-culti! That’s why MO loves them. She’s really into irony.)

Anyway, some of our little stylistas told Lady M that nothing shows off toned arms like a wrist full of bling. But let me be clear. We are not, repeat, NOT giving up our world famous boob belts (which MO invented herself, despite what you might read elsewhere). Nor are we abandoning the brooches which have served us so well in our historic first year. I’m just giving you a heads up; you can expect to see a lot more of our lovely wrists, and our bracelet collection, in the future. Nothing really gaudy. Just a simple diamond stack here:

diamondsI lost count after two dozen, but with diamonds, who’s counting?

A lovely wrap of (the finest South Sea) pearls there:

awkwardly positioned bb_thumb[2]

some gold: some silver:

Michelle Obama Gold Bracelet 1AwhC7clIdxc Michelle Obama Silver Bracelet qAF76A0kFsWc

a little color:Michelle Obama Beaded Bracelet 4Y3-uRFe1Uac

But back to the interview: it was really designed to discuss the “No Child’s Fat Behind” prog - what? Oh. It’s technically called the “Let’s Move” campaign. But before we get into that I want to show you what we wore for the interview:


But I’ll let Robin describe it for you:

First lady Michelle Obama sits in an upholstered armchair in her East Wing office, a generous bowl of fresh apples on a nearby table. She wears a body-conscious gray sleeveless sheath with an artful corsage of matching fabric decorating the right shoulder.

Well OK, she forgot to mention the bracelet, but she managed to get everything else we wanted her to mention in. She goes on:

The tableau contains all the elements that have defined Obama's time in the White House: youth outreach, distinctive style, healthful food and fitness.

This is really a good article. It’s hard to believe that it was written by the same mean Robin G who used to say such hurtful things about us before she published her Lady M book. So it looks like she’s back on the reservation. If not, she wouldn’t really be here doing this interview, now would she?

The article goes on and on jabbering about all the usual memes: Lady M growing up in South Chicago and spending 20 hours a day exercising healthily until such time as she shifted all of her focus to academics (which are really important too), how all the kids in America are fat, including her own, and why we have to spend $10 billion in order to get them to eat less. I don’t understand that last part, but that’s probably because I didn’t got to Princeton. Or Harvard.

I think Lady M explained how to solve the whole fat kid problem herself when she told Robin:

"If kids are naturally active, they shouldn't have to worry about what they eat. That's how it was when we were growing up. Nobody talked to you about nutrition. You ate your vegetables. You ate what was on your plate. And you went outside and played.”

Could that possibly cost $10 billion? Wow! I think I’m beginning to understand inflation.

We wrapped up the interview with some of Lady M’s reflections on Grammy:

“I didn't see a mother who invested in herself and worked out, went to the hairdresser. My parents sacrificed everything for us. . . Fortunately, I had a mother who taught me through her own failings and could admit, 'This is what I would have done differently.”

I’m sure she meant that in the best way possible, but it makes it sound like maybe Grammy is rethinking having sacrificed everything For MO. I probably just misunderstood, because Grammy’s still here sacrificing everything for Lady M. I told you MO really liked irony.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering: this sheath dress doesn’t exactly fit any better standing up than it does sitting down -


- but it’s nothing that a nice turquoise belt wouldn’t fix.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

What Part of “Politically Correct” Do We Not Get?

The other day  Don Surber, via American Digest, actually suggested that Lady M might choose this gown for our next Big White formal affair:

capt_2f4d11c4c02b4925b4a96e27529db432_spain_fashion_do122Now it could well be that Mr. Surber is a fashion expert, but I’m afraid he doesn’t know very much about political correctness (which surprises me, due to the nature of his very popular blog).

For starters, this dress is a little derivative of Mother Ginger’s costume in Balanchine's Nutcracker:


And need I mention that Mother Ginger is frequently portrayed by a cross-dressing male dancer in blackface? And then there’s that business of all the little polichinelles (aka Ginger Snaps or Bon Bons) running out from under her giant skirt. Really, how many minority groups does he want us to offend at the same time?

So let’s just leave the art of the dance to Toes, and Lady M’s costuming to the professionals, OK?

On the plus side, it would make MO’s butt look small.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Runway Reconciliation Bill

We’ve had a dozen of our little people out scouting the New York, London and Paris fashion shows for weeks now. We need a few new, fresh ideas for next season. MO’s already tired of the sheath silhouette, and frankly all of you out there cat-calling it the “Jackie No”  look are not helping much.

Our budget is a little strained, due to an unscheduled maintenance over at the Federal Reserve. Apparently those presses weren’t designed to run around the clock. But Big Guy did say that if we get our trillion dollar health care bill passed, Lady M can get any new fashions she wants, because it will just get lost in the rounding.

So here are just a few ideas our little fashionistas have come up with to make Lady M look mah-velous next year in a decidedly NOT JACKIE way:

boob and ammo beltsSomething for our next Medal of Honor ceremony: inappropriate AND full ammo belt: a little edgy, but ironic

gwen stefani I’m not sure about this one: I told them a corset might be a good idea, but I was thinking of something a bit more traditional. Like, under the clothes? But I think Lady M will like the belt.


palinesque palinesque2

The two above I thought we might just want to have in the closet in case we have to go head-to-head with Sarah Palin some day. Otherwise, I think Toes would enjoy getting them as hand-me-downs.

organic garden hat

This is just the perfect organic gardening hat outfit








But here’s my favorite: the pièce de résistance. Does this not work on so many levels? Multi-colored, multi-patterned, and recycled from an old afghan! And we can have the Big White seamstress take those sleeves off to showcase our ever popular bi’s and tri’s.


I think that’s a wrap. Oh! Except there is this little Dorothy Lamour redux number for our next wonderful exotic island get-away:

dorothy lamourA perfect 10!

I sure hope Big Guy can get his my-partisan Health Care Bill rammed through. These designs are going like hotcakes.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Governors In the Fast Lane

I’m not sure why, but there seems to be a gag order out on pictures of Lady M at last night’s Governor’s Ball. So far the only one to escape is this:

dinner blackBut don’t worry, although it does have black hairy things on it, it’s not the same furry black dress we wore to the Black Caucus dinner last fall.

bc dinner09

The president congratulated the governors for “helping to right the ship” during these difficult economic times. He said governors couldn't afford to be overly ideological because "the rubber hits the road with you." As opposed to Washington, where all the rubber is used to bounce the blame around and all roads lead to the Federal Reserve. (and TOTUS, for future reference: that’s rubber MEETS the road.)

But more important: the pre-dinner talent preview event with music students from Myrtilla Minor School:

myrtilla miner kids

Where, good news, the boob belt is back!

black mini

In all its strangely positioned awkwardness.

awkwardly positioned bb

But how about those gams?

gams galore

Oh yah, we’re back, and we’re ready to kick butt. So stand aside Rahmbo. Lady M might just take over the health care debate.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

One Size Doesn’t Fit All

Oops! Looks like we should’ve skipped that Smoothie.

red fit

Although, it’s probably unfair to blame this on the delicious smoothie from Fresh Grocer on Friday. This dress didn’t fit any better last summer with the belt. I think the designer just sent the wrong size.

President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama talk in the Blue Room of the White House before the start of the Presidential Medal of Freedom ceremony,  August 12, 2009.  (Official White House photo by Pete Souza)

This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House.  

But the pearls: definitely a nice Jackie touch. And hey! How about those toned arms! Our trainer comes all the way from Chicago to help us maintain them, so naturally we’re going to go sleeveless in February.

Oh, the event? Annual National Governor’s Meeting in D.C.. Lady M was there to tell the govs that, despite the fact that they’re all facing huge deficits and layoffs, she expects them to put her “Let’s Move” agenda on the front burner. They need to make sure that all those healthy changes to the school breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack program are implemented so the SEIU can hire some more of the unemployed. Win Win!

In her speech, MO praised many of the governors for the work they were already doing to fight the fat, saying "There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this problem." Good to know. I’ll get that word out to our favorite designers ASAP.

She also said that while the nation needs a comprehensive approach to fighting childhood obesity, "that doesn't necessarily mean an expensive approach." Although I think that’s true only if government doesn’t get involved.