Michelle Obama: Royal Wedding Crasher?

 

Hats make you feel regal. And pretty! Who knew?

I know you think you saw Lady M at Cape Canaveral yesterday, butt as they say, it was all smoke and mirrors. If you want a better explanation than that you’ll have to speak with Hub, because I’ve never completely understood how that whole space/time thing works.

My mission today is simply to report on the topic: How To Crash a Royal Wedding.This is something Lady M has dreamed of ever since she was very young girl growing up poor on Chicago’s South side. And wouldn’t you know it? The Queen gave her the perfect excuse and opportunity to execute her plan. (Believe me, it was the Queen behind blackballing the Wons. Apparently she holds a grudge just like some other royals I know.)

So if you believe the Shuttle launch was postponed due to a “heater” problem, you probably also believe that was a photocopy of Big Guy’s original birth certificate.

On background, I’m sure you all remember the Wons’ first official State Dinner for Indian Prime Minister Singh :

Practicing our royal act

It re-introduced the world to the ancient art of gate crashing.

The uninvited guests: social climbing charlatans

Lady M picked up a lot of insider information on how to be a stealth guest from the Salahis. So you didn’t suppose that a little thing like misplacing our invitation would prevent Lady M from attending the social affair of the century did you?

Lady M learned a thing or two from that embarrassing little security breach at our own royal l’affaire de la state.

So we packed a rather large satchel, hopped on Air Force Won Two (disguised as a commercial carrier for our stealth mission) and arrived just in time to change clothes and enjoy the festivities on the royal wedding day.

For our incognito arrival , we donned a regal looking ensemble, patterned after one of Princess Anne’s, and wore our Lanvin shades so as not to draw attention to our self.

 

Princess Anne arrives for her nephew’s wedding

We were a little apprehensive about the actual wedding venue, butt when we got to the church, Lady M just slipped in inconspicuously along with the ring bearers and flower girls as they trailed behind Kate’s lovely sister who was on train detail:

Slipping in from behind, while all eyes were on the lovely bride: Brilliant!

Lady M learned from the Salahis that once you’ve actually slipped past the gatekeepers, you’re more or less free to move about:

The Salahis, mugging with Joey B

Butt the key is to act as if you belong: no staring at the royals and make only light chit chat about Britain not being Britain any more, butt indeed, they do still know how to throw a jolly good wedding! And above all, keep circulating so as never to remain in one place long enough for anyone to notice. Just to be safe, we also did a couple additional wardrobe changes.

Hi Mom!

Wow! Look at that rock!

We slipped out right after the ceremony and managed to get to the front of the cab line (queue, as they say in London):

Here we are sharing a cab with Prince Charles and Lady Camilla

When we arrived at the palace, we slipped into something a bit brighter in order to wish the newly weds the best as they shared their first wedded kiss. And while this quaint tradition may be the original photo-op, they actually looked like they rather enjoyed it!

Don’t worry about the cost of our royal wedding-crasher wardrobe. I know we’re deeply in debt, butt many of yesterday’s outfits were recycled. Like this little buttercup number we wore to witness the first kiss: recognize it? It’s from one of our earlier European trips (The one that ended with Rio buying the rights to our Chicago Olympic Games right from under our noses. They did make up for it though, by arranging that very nice South American Wine Tour.)

Unfortunately we didn’t have time to stay for the disco party, butt having flown across the pond, we weren’t about to go home without a piece of that wedding cake. For this occasion we donned our royal icing gown from our triumphant night in Oslo where Lady M and Big Guy were crowned as official European royalty (and hence by all rights should have received an official invitation to the royal wedding).

I think this wedding cake makes my butt look small!

I know you’re dying to know how Lady M actually slipped in past all the royal wedding security and scrutiny. I can tell you this much: she had an invitation. No, not from the Queen, silly! From the Big White Official Office of Documents and Photo Evidence; the same department that provided Big Guy’s birth certificate. And as you can see with your own lyin’ eyes, it worked like a charm.

 

Concept compliments to Mrs. P.

Linked By: The Radio Patriot and JammieWearingFool and Sadhill News and iOwnTheWorld and SondraK and Larwyn’s Linx on DougRoss@Journal and Tammy Bruce and Curmudgeonly & Skeptical Thank You Sooooo Much!

What to Wear When You Just Feel Like Looking Pretty

Lady M ponders a question from one of the children at “Take Our Sons and Daughters To Work Day”

What used to be Take Your Daughter to Work Day  morphed into "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day" once boys figured out that they had to go to school while the girls got to skip class and tag along with mom to her office.

And while feminists hated the idea, (boys, after all, don’t need roll models) once the boys demanded equal rights there wasn’t anything they could do to stop the PC and fairness police squad from including them in the skip day. And so now dad is on the hook for dragging the kid to the office too. Viva la equality! Thanks to NOW (who invented TYDTWD) all kids can enjoy another free day.

As a result we have created a generation of kids who think when you grow up you spend your days in an office making photocopies of games and puzzles, instant messaging people in the cubicle next door, making microwave popcorn and generally entertaining visitors. Butt that’s just not true: not everyone works for the government.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking: “MOTUS, how can Lady M participate in the Take Our Sons and Daughters To Work Day  when she doesn’t even have a job?”  Well, you couldn’t be more wrong. Lady M has a full time job, just like royalty, and she’s on the job 24/7. She just doesn’t get paid. And believe me - there’s been some heated discussion around here about that little problem.

Butt I digress. Lady M’s job yesterday was to serve as a roll model and answer the children’s questions. And they were curious about everything from her favorite book (Song of Solomon)  to her favorite color (Lavender… Lavender!?). And one of the kids, whose goal is to be on Project Runway when he grows up, wanted to know how she chooses what to wear each day:

"It really depends on the day," Obama said, adding that she wore a colorful floral dress on Thursday because she had a luncheon to attend. "It's pretty, and I felt like being pretty today."

And here’s the colorful floral dress that Lady M chose to wear yesterday in order to “feel pretty.”

Do you recognize it?

No? Maybe this view of Lady M arriving for yesterday’s  ceremony will help:

Remember yet? We made an almost identical entrance in the same dress for another celebration ceremony way back in September of 2009:

That’s right! It’s the same frock we wore for one of our first Medal of Honor ceremonies!  At the time some of you thought it was a bit inappropriate, remember? At the ceremony, Big Guy awarded the Medal of Honor, the nation's highest award for bravery, posthumously to Sgt. Jared Monti’s parents. Sgt. Monti, you may recall, died while repeatedly trying to reach a wounded comrade during a firefight on an Afghan mountaintop. A true American Hero.

I’m not trying to tell you that you didn’t have a right to be upset at the time. I’m just saying that now you know that Lady M just felt like looking pretty that day, perhaps you understand the issue a little better.

Anyway, completely OT, butt Lady M is still stunned and a little hurt that she and Big Guy weren’t invited to Will and Kate’s beautiful wedding today. I suspect there will be a lot of pouting, shouting and throwing stuff around today. So I’ll be laying low.

H/T Daizie

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on DougRoss@ Journal  and Adrienne’s Corner  and American Digest Thanks!

Obama: Exactly How Great Art Thou?

We’ve had a very active week so far; between Birthers, whirling vortexes of all ilk, and quantitative easings. A quick re-cap:

Big Guy and Lady M stormed Chicago…

to win Oprah’s undying love and support, and monetary commitment for underwriting the 2012 campaign (WTF).

Team-Obama advance krewe, SS CAT (counter attack team) sweeps into HARPO studios.

While tornados roar through the country.

Heading into a storm

And the Bernanke explains why the economy is doing just fine, thank you, and all we really need is a little centrally planned inflation, while setting the table for a little more quantitative easing i.e., printing money. That would be QE3, in case you’ve lost count.

The Bernanke, explaining (note ‘breaking news’) how to print money without actually printing money

Meanwhile, Cocky Toxic Timmy has things completely upside down, and lectures the R-words on the irresponsibility of not raising the debt ceiling (as opposed to the irresponsible spending that compels the increase).

This is a Rorschach test: do you see a rat or a weasel?

Then Big Guy rolls into New York to roll New York Dems at a series of fundraisers, and pokes fun at the Donald: “This is not a reality show” (No kidding. It’s obviously not a talent show either).

After releasing a copy of his Hawaiian birth certificate that creates more questions than it answers.

Layers of questions

In the middle of a war in Afghanistan, and in the midst of the greatest unrest and uprisings across the Middle East in a lifetime, Big Guy announces that he’s pulling his general to put him in charge of the CIA (so they can reset their rules of engagement too).

All while the world awaits the pomp and circumstance of an inconsequential important royal wedding.

So what do you say we just shove everything aside for now and take a few moments to enjoy a lovely performance by Carrie Underwood and Vince Gill that I found over on Powerline.

I don’t usually listen to either country music or American Idol winners, butt here’s why I should:

American Idol Rocks it “How Great Thou Art” at Country Music Awards, 2010

If you’re still torqued off after watching this, Doug Ross has a suggestion: Join the peaceful, completely non-violent Sticky Note Campaign. And don’t forget to take pictures.

Well finally: THE Obama Birth Certificate

BREAKING NEWS:

BIG WHITE RELEASES BIRTH CERTIFICATE, LONG VERSION

That’s correct. So take that Donald. Next I suppose he’s going to want to see college transcripts from our most transparent, historic president. What? Oh, I guess he does.

Well, anyway, our in-house ‘shoppers, having been practicing on high profile projects for the past few years. Having finally achieved “expert status” they have recently been authorized to “finalize” the long form BC for release.

And here it is, complete with “authentic” signatures!

Click to embiggen

It looks pretty official, so there will be none of that flap over “Microsoft Word vs IBM Selectric”  typeface like there was with the Dan Rather/Bush documents. We learn from past mistakes (other than Jimmy Carter’s).

So we can, gratefully, close the case on this and along with it the question of whether Big Guy is a “natural born citizen.”  Because nobody in the MSM really understands the nature of that controversy. They all assume that it’s just a matter of birthplace, not birthparents. And who cares, really, about an arcane clause in the Constitution that requires that both parents be US citizens in order to make the child a “natural born citizen?” I’ll tell you who: just those nutty birthers, that’s who.

For all practical purposes, this one has been laid to rest. We’re on to report cards now.

And speaking of being laid to rest, in other sad news, TOTUS will be holding a memorial wake later today for Hubert J. “Hub” Schlafly Jr., his progenitor, who passed away at age 91 last week.

You may never have heard of “Hub” (who my brother Hub was named after) butt as the father of the TelePrompTer he practically created modern day politics, or at least the politicians who host our political game shows.

The Teleprompter (as it was later dubbed) revolutionized the way politicians manipulated the masses, thereby permanently changing the nature of discourse in politics.

POTUS with TOTUS: Looking at me, looking back at me

It has also been credited with singularly replacing extemporaneous speech with canned messages and sound bites.

That his invention went on to become an instrument of destruction of the English language and legitimate discourse broke old Hub’s heart in later years. Originally designed simply to help B-grade actors remember their lines in Soap Operas,

Hub often said that he was deeply saddened that his innovation went on to allow people of little skill in the arts of logic and critical thinking to practice public policy elocution behind the podium using the words of nameless, faceless speechwriters and puppet masters behind the curtain.

I think he was being a little hard on himself.

It takes a very special person to use the teleprompter so effectively.

Rest in peace, Hubert “Hub” Schlafly Jr.. TOTUS has got your back.

TOTUS seal credit MikeMoody.com

“Repeat After Me” - Cyborgs taking over may not necessarily be  a bad thing.

NOTE: If you were having viewing yesterday’s Deconstructing TIME, please try again. Updated with new video links.

You might also be interested in: 3-D Printing Machines. WTF? Obama’s Birth Certificate No Longer “Off the Rack”

Michelle Obama: Deconstructing TIME–UPDATED

UPDATE: reloaded with new video link. If you’ve been having trouble viewing, try the newly uploaded video or this direct link to Raj’s Vimeo test page where you can view the source video.

Also, this is a direct link to the cloud which will allow you to download a Quicktime movie version to your computer for viewing at your leisure.

Raj will continue to troubleshoot (Vimeo reports that there is a known and unresolved issue with Firefox 4), butt please don’t give up HOPE. It will be worth it, if not for the sake of this song video but for the sake of your own peace of mind.

Normally you might think deconstructing TIME would require the IQ of an Einstein, butt really, all you need is PhotoShop and the powers of transmogrification.

Lucky for you, I’ve got both.

So today, we’re going to take a look at the photo that has had people buzzing since it was originally published for the 2009 TIME 100 ceremony. It has recently caused another kerfuffle since Lady M has once again been honored in the number 22 slot on TIME’s 100 most influential people in the world list. (Behind Amy Poehler and Joey B! What’s up with that?)

Since media hounds were sniffing around for a stock photo to run with this big announcement, they republished this:

H/T RealAmerican

And once again everyone has been asking me: “MOTUS, was this picture p’shopped?!” - as if that would be unusual. What is unusual  is the quality of the ‘shopping. Let’s just say that the TIME ‘shoppers had very little familiarity with the natural lines of our industrial strength containment systems. Plus they were probably thrown off a little by the presence of the fashion forward Peter Soronen corset worn, unusually, on the outside of Lady M’s gown. Still, there’s no excuse for sloppiness. The only way to explain the difference between a pro job and an amateur one is to demonstrate.

So, for education purposes only, I present MOTUS’ DECONSTRUCTING TIME video. Feel free to pass it around: the only way to prevent this sort of tragedy from happening again, to someone you love, is to educate ourselves.

Now let’s be careful out there. The ether is a dangerous and confusing place. I HOPE Lady M’s not on to me.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx 0n DougRoss@Journal  AND Patum Peperium Thanks!

Easter. Only Springier. More Gaia, Less God.

 

Lady M prepares to do the bunny hop

It was a perfect day for a garden party: sunny and warm. The perfect day to break out a new sun-frock. In keeping with our “all things green” theme, this one was made out of recycled tablecloths from Granny’s cupboard.

I think our guests, all 30,000 of them, enjoyed our big Spring Sphere Roll – which is kind of like an egg roll,

except it’s not fried, so it’s a lot healthier. And springy-er.

Healthier:

Springy-er.

We served the usual: Green eggs,

The Obamas’ green eggs are made of sustainable wood. Good to know.

and a lot of ham:

Chicka Chicka and Boom Boom

 

Al and Jacque came to cook, butt I don’t think Kelly eats…

although she was apparently hungry, and fought with Al for that crepe. Good choice to go for Al’s crepe rather than Lady M’s.

Lady M with Jada Pinkett Smith, applauding the assembly of the crepes.

Even Little Bo was allowed out for the photo op:

It was kind of mean letting Little Bo out with Bunnies running around everywhere. Wee Won 1 was charged with making sure he didn’t catch one.

 

The perfect O. Butt we know there’s a viper tongue in there.

And to the haters out there who are being critical of Big Guy for not issuing an official Easter statement, all I can say is it was just an oversight due to the unexpected length of time it took him to complete his round of golf on Holy Saturday. Butt don’t worry, he’s been chastised for his transgression, and I don’t think it will happen again.

H/T American Digest

In addition to the golf, Big Guy did manage to squeeze in his weekly radio address, that you can read about over at Dewey’s: Deconstructing Obama’s Latest Campaign Speech: Market Fraud.

And I haven’t forgotten about my TIME 100 expose. I’ve completed the analysis and will post the results late this afternoon. I just thought you would want to know what went on at our Spring Sphere Garden Party. Between it and the TIME analysis I’m exhausted! Maybe I’ll sleep in a little tomorrow morning.

The Wons go to Church: Historic

“Armageddon! …I looked around to see if there were any asteroids falling. Some cracks opening up in the Earth! Turned out it was a nice day!''

As predicted by many pundits, we went to church yesterday - Shiloh Baptist - to celebrate the Spring Sphere Holiday. And no, all you smart alecks out there, nobody was struck by lightening. No falling asteroids, no sink holes. It was actually a very nice day in Washington.

Lady M at Easter services at Shiloh Baptist Church. The white guy? Secret Service, of course.

Do you recognize our frock? Last seen with a strand of pearls and without the mini-me sweater at the Pittsburg G-8/20 in 2009?

Rockin’ Pittsburg, September, 2009

You might remember this unauthorized rear view as well (below) which got me off to a bit of a rocky start with the Wons. In my defense, I was working the “front of the house” when someone breeched security and snuck in for an attack from the rear. Butt never mind, we’ve put that behind us, so to speak.

Lady M with the FLOC(anada), eh?

 

Butt about the sweater: as you can see, the Big White laundry shrunk it. I hate it when that happens, don’t you? On the plus side: now you can sure see how toned Lady M’s guns are. So we’ve got that going for us.

 

As you can see, Big Guy is totally in rapture here. And please, no comments about the Wee Wons: remember they’re just innocent little pawns. And it’s not their fault that they’ve been raised godless, nationless and clueless: kind of like their father. I try to do what I can when they come to visit in my little bunker, butt it’s an uphill battle. After all, I’m just the Big White mirror, and their Dad and Mom are certifiable icons.

I sure wish I hadn’t made everyone watch The Ten Commandments a few days ago. Big, big mistake. I’d just like to say, I’m sorry.

 

“So let it be written, so let it be done.”

Lady M, an iconic two-time Time 100 winner

Be sure to check in tomorrow for more on this iconographic image of Lady M.  It’s an exclusive “behind the scenes” look, if you catch my drift.