Saturday, January 8, 2011

Paging Parent Won and Parent Won-Too: Cleanup in Aisle 3

232x221Who’s your daddy?

Boy, this one’s going to cause trouble when we have to get our passports renewed:

The words “mother” and “father” will be removed from U.S. passport applications and replaced with gender neutral terminology, the State Department says.

“The words in the old form were ‘mother’ and ‘father,’” said Brenda Sprague, deputy assistant Secretary of State for Passport Services. "They are now ‘parent one’ and ‘parent two.’"

Exactly who do you suppose is going to be “Parent One” – Big Guy, who, allegedly, can legally claim to be Parent “Won,” or Lady M, who, um, allegedly,  gave birth? I know who I’m putting my money on.

scary 20101226_newsOBAMA1  


For some reason, Fausta seems to be questioning the explanation put forth by the State Department for the change:

“Sprague said the decision to remove the traditional parenting names was not an act of political correctness.”

Of course not. It was yet another asinine decision from a faceless bureaucracy to turn you into a number. Did I say that?

Butt the new “gender neutral” passport application is being hailed by gay rights groups, never-the-less.

“Changing the term mother and father to the more global term of parent allows many different types of families to be able to go and apply for a passport for their child without feeling like the government doesn’t recognize their family,” said Jennifer Chrisler, executive director of Family Equality Council.”

Big Guy has called a meeting with his Secretary to discuss these changes. He thinks she might have misunderstood his concerns with the current form.

This is a copy of what he sent to Hillary, with a note in his very own handwriting that read: “please take care of this.


Apparently “Parental Unit One and Parental Unit Two” wasn’t exactly what he had in mind, butt given the current mindset at State, he probably should have been more specific.


ciw3Parent Won and Parent Won-Too, auditioning for a new reality show “Post-modern Family.” The show is not scheduled to go into production until their current reality show contract expires. And we ram through a PBS budget in perpetuity.

By the way, we aren’t still requiring a copy of those difficult-to-obtain birth certificates in order to obtain a passport are we?

Friday, January 7, 2011

All the President’s Men

Well I’m finally back. It’s a good thing I’ve been tuned and recharged. And for the last time, I’m sorry about everything. This is no way to start off a New Year.


Nothing to see here, let’s all just Move on (.org)

So instead of belaboring Lady M’s questionable sartorial choices, let’s focus on personnel changes around here.

First of all Fancy Nancy’s move from the Speakers office to a smaller one. Uncertain that future historians would be able to capture all of her many achievements as First Female Speaker of the House, and ensure that her obituary contains all of her props, she wrote and delivered her own on Wednesday.

nancy waves buhbyeBuh-bye big office!

Does anyone else feel a leg-tingle when you hear the phrase “ ex-Speaker of the House?”

Then of course there’s the imminent departure of the irreplaceable Giblet (h/t  CalConservGirl ) I simply don’t know what I’m going to do without that charismatic little fluff ball heading up the cheerleading around here.



Butt, you can’t blame him. He’s been slaving away here for a measly $175k a year, keeping us all upbeat in the face of the country’s worse recession since the 1920’s. Now he’s got to get back to the work of the American people: providing expensive consulting services to the “Barack Obama for President campaign, 2012 version” for some real dough. Something you can only do legitimately in the private sector. Big Guy is the first to acknowledge that accumulating great personal wealth for you and your family is really important, given the cost of a good college education these days. And he heartily endorses making big bucks, as long as you do it outside the capitalist model that exploits others through the production of a real product or service.

And that’s why getting that degree in Community Organizing is so important.

Next, standing in for Toes, who we’ve sent back to secure the Chicago vote in 2012, we have Mayor Daley’s kid brother, Billy, fresh from a stint at JP Morgan Chase. He’ll be our new Chief Of Staff and I sure HOPE he doesn’t have Toe’s addiction to negotiating in the Schvitz. That steam plays havoc with my circuits.

We can’t send our future lieutenants to Goldman any more to give them their bona fides, make them rich and teach them the ropes: too obvious. Butt JP Morgan’s Jamie Dimon knows the drill now:

Daley joined JP Morgan Chase in 2004 as it acquired Bank One, allowing him to come into close contact with Dimon, who had been chairman of the Chicago-based bank.

Dimon told Chicago magazine in 2005 that when he was looking to fill the newly created role of JP Morgan Chase’s Midwest chairman, he was shocked by the number of business leaders that suggested Daley’s name. [ed. probably most shocked because Daley had no banking or finance experience – that’s how naive Jamie was in those days!]

He said: “Anybody who thinks that Daley is a figurehead doesn’t know me at all. That would be a waste of money, and I don’t waste money. Bill has to earn his way, more than earn his way.”

Well Mr. Dimon, it sure looks like he’s earned his way now, eh?!

daleyBig Guy admires his own acumen in selecting his new Chief of Staff

In other staff shake up news, Gene Sperling will  become our new Economics Czar today. Dick Cheney used to call economists “the hairdressers of the business world.”

gene sperling MrP_RodSerling 

No, Sperling, not Serling, butt he does adhere to voodoo economics.

overcome with emotion 

As far as I can determine Gene’s qualifications are having worked for Tiny Tim and serving as a consultant on The West Wing. So as you see, we’ve brought some deep talent to this important position.

Things are shaping up quite nicely around here, as we enter the historic second half of our historic first term.

joey and gibbsy No matter what, just put on your happy face

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Ding Dong Done, Damn it!

As the fates would have it, I’m still holed up in fly-over. My Air Force mini-jet was forced to land in Laramie, Wyoming due to severe upper air turbulence. I know this wouldn’t have happened if they had sent Air Force Won or Too to pick me up, instead of the little prop jet. Butt I guess someone decided I’m not important enough to dispatch one of the “big boys.”

Apparently they haven’t seen what happens when I’m not around:

MICHELLE-OBAMA Recession sensitive re-purposed bedding; should’ve used the king sized

I hate to blow my own horn, butt had I been back, I would have smoothed out the Shar Pei wrinkles around the mid-drift, diminished the mass in the thigh region, eliminated the knee-bends, and transformed that “I really have to find a bathroom” look to an “I’m glad to be home” face. So you tell me - would that have been worth the $65k it would have cost to have AF Won swing by and pick me up? I think so too.

Anyway, since we can’t take off any earlier than tomorrow afternoon, due to the unyielding winds, I’ve used the time to catch up on the Beltway news. And I see that the new “sekrit” JournOlist has unleashed their talking points on the R-words plan to read the Constitution on the House Floor. They don’t like their holier than thou attitude, and therefore have deemed that Republicans are suffering from a constitutional “fetish.”

My own personal recollections of fetishes include that of a certain high-ranking political advisor in the last Democratic administration who had a toe fetish, and an even higher ranking official in that same administration who had a cigar fetish. And then there was that Democratic governor from New York who had all sorts of fetishes involving hookers and sox.

So considering the alternatives, maybe a Constitutional fetish isn’t such a bad thing.

Butt for a more rational argument to that effect, you should really  read  Power Line, because he’s much smarter than I am (butt not as smart as Big Guy, who was a professor of Constitutional Law.)

Anyway, subsequent to the November elections and per the Constitution, the gavel was pried from San Fran Nan’s fingers and passed to the new Speaker, John Boehner, yesterday.


There were not protests, no riots and no violence. Just as the Constitution envisioned it. Not bad for a document that was written “over 100 years ago.”


The Speaker is dead; long live the Speaker!


I think we’re making progress.

wicked witch is dead

Ding Dong

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

She’s Ba-ack! Aa-aack!

I’ll be wrapping up my annual tune-up at Hill Air Force Base this afternoon with a buff and polish of my highly refractive surfaces, and then it’s back to the Big White aboard an Air Force shuttle, previously assigned to Nancy Pelosi’s family.

And from the looks of things going on back there, I’m likely one of the few around the Big White whose job is not in jeopardy.



deplane No Containment, No Prob: We De-Plane “Sidewinder”

So, let me just say, “I am SOOOOO sorry!”

I should have been there to stop the madness, butt orders are orders, and I follow orders. Now, put the eye bleach away, out of the children’s reach, moisten a Kleenex with distilled water and lay it on your eyelids for a couple of minutes. You’ll be good as new in no time. Except for those images which will be burned into your hard drive. As punishment.

Anyway, see you all soon back at my day job. There’s much, much to be discussed, among them Nancy Pelosi finding the religion of jobs and fiscal responsibility, and Gibbsy cashing in on his, ahem, skill set. This I’ve got to see with my own eyes. So until I’m back on the job, let’s be careful out there.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Leaving Hawaii: Mad

I was watching Fox TV (which they have on every motel cable once you get outside the beltway) and I see the word slipped out on Mayor Daley’s brother Bill taking the chief of staff job at the Big White.

I just wanted to let you know that it’s part of Big Guy’s job rotation program. He read about the concept in one of his business journals, USA Today, I think, and thought it could solve a lot of problems. Anyway, it was originally supposed to be Richard Daley, switching with Rhambo straight up. Then someone noticed the pesky City of Chicago ordinance that requires that you not only have an official residence in the city, but it also actually requires you to actually get elected before you can hold the job. Big Guy thought he could just appoint Rhambo, like the other czars. So this one’s going to cost us, big time.

Anyway, Dick had already announced his retirement before Big Guy’s little people actually read the ordinance to find out what was in it. And now, with all the brew-ha-ha, Dick has decided that what he really wants is a cushy job where he can semi-retire, maybe a nice Ambassadorship somewhere. So he gave the Big White job to his little brother.

Originally there was supposed to be a job rotation for Lady M too, who, as you know, hates being FLOTUS. She was thinking either Secretary of State or Secretary of Homeland Security, butt neither of the current job holders would agree to the switch: Hil because she’s been there, done that; and Bruno because of – well, because of the title.

The only people who volunteered to swap jobs with MO are, how shall I put this? – the wrong gender. And she wasn’t interested in their jobs anyway. Reggie and Kal were against it too, butt Big Guy was all for it!

So in an expression of her displeasure with the results of the search to put more meaning in her life, Lady M decided to appear in public yesterday without me.


What can I say? When she decides to stage these little protests, it’s always ugly.

As you see, she was still mad when she left town.

leaving HI Butt well fed.

From the road, this is your roving Big White reporter, signing off.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Git Yer Motor Runnin’

Here I am on the road again, heading to Hill AFB for my seasonal tune-up and upgrades. The crew of Air Force Won landed in Phoenix to let me and my Harley get off so I could ride the back roads up to Salt Lake City. I’ll be on the road for a few days, butt I’ll check in from hotspots along the way when I can.

I’ll report any sightings of bettyann and her Harley.

Born To Be Wild: Steppenwolf

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Caution: Big Ideas on Board

obama-buys-votes-taxpayer-money-let-me-be-perfectly-clear-sad-hill-news Barry’s Big Idea

As reported yesterday in the Washington Post:

(the President) said Saturday that his "resolution for the coming year" is to "do everything I can to make sure our economy is growing, creating jobs and strengthening our middle class."

He also said he would need help making good on that resolution.

"And here's what I want you to know: I'm willing to work with anyone of either party who's got a good idea and the commitment to see it through.”


commitment_obama_fist_bump_card-p13702041126237936630sg_400…to transforming America


big-brother_Obama With a really, really big idea

Good ideas and commitment: two things as rare in Washington as a solution that doesn’t require more government spending (funded by China).

Butt the real news here is huge: Big Guy acknowledged that maybe he needs to buy a clue,


and that just having a really big idea is only part of the equation. This could prove to be very dangerous, indeed, considering what he was able to do in his first 2 years with just bad ideas, a groupie Congress and lapdog media.3041204909_533a38d14e

God Bless us, one and all, in this New Year. We may well need  it.

Just a little administrative note: I won’t be able to post anything until late tomorrow due to travel arrangements. I’m heading back to the mainland for a little regularly scheduled system maintenance at Hill Air Force base for circuit checks and fresh battery packs.

Yes it’s true: Lady M will be on her own today and tomorrow, unless she declares a national emergency and sends Air Force Won to retrieve me. Butt as long as the embargo remains in place, I think we’ll all be safe.