Friday, January 7, 2011

All the President’s Men

Well I’m finally back. It’s a good thing I’ve been tuned and recharged. And for the last time, I’m sorry about everything. This is no way to start off a New Year.


Nothing to see here, let’s all just Move on (.org)

So instead of belaboring Lady M’s questionable sartorial choices, let’s focus on personnel changes around here.

First of all Fancy Nancy’s move from the Speakers office to a smaller one. Uncertain that future historians would be able to capture all of her many achievements as First Female Speaker of the House, and ensure that her obituary contains all of her props, she wrote and delivered her own on Wednesday.

nancy waves buhbyeBuh-bye big office!

Does anyone else feel a leg-tingle when you hear the phrase “ ex-Speaker of the House?”

Then of course there’s the imminent departure of the irreplaceable Giblet (h/t  CalConservGirl ) I simply don’t know what I’m going to do without that charismatic little fluff ball heading up the cheerleading around here.



Butt, you can’t blame him. He’s been slaving away here for a measly $175k a year, keeping us all upbeat in the face of the country’s worse recession since the 1920’s. Now he’s got to get back to the work of the American people: providing expensive consulting services to the “Barack Obama for President campaign, 2012 version” for some real dough. Something you can only do legitimately in the private sector. Big Guy is the first to acknowledge that accumulating great personal wealth for you and your family is really important, given the cost of a good college education these days. And he heartily endorses making big bucks, as long as you do it outside the capitalist model that exploits others through the production of a real product or service.

And that’s why getting that degree in Community Organizing is so important.

Next, standing in for Toes, who we’ve sent back to secure the Chicago vote in 2012, we have Mayor Daley’s kid brother, Billy, fresh from a stint at JP Morgan Chase. He’ll be our new Chief Of Staff and I sure HOPE he doesn’t have Toe’s addiction to negotiating in the Schvitz. That steam plays havoc with my circuits.

We can’t send our future lieutenants to Goldman any more to give them their bona fides, make them rich and teach them the ropes: too obvious. Butt JP Morgan’s Jamie Dimon knows the drill now:

Daley joined JP Morgan Chase in 2004 as it acquired Bank One, allowing him to come into close contact with Dimon, who had been chairman of the Chicago-based bank.

Dimon told Chicago magazine in 2005 that when he was looking to fill the newly created role of JP Morgan Chase’s Midwest chairman, he was shocked by the number of business leaders that suggested Daley’s name. [ed. probably most shocked because Daley had no banking or finance experience – that’s how naive Jamie was in those days!]

He said: “Anybody who thinks that Daley is a figurehead doesn’t know me at all. That would be a waste of money, and I don’t waste money. Bill has to earn his way, more than earn his way.”

Well Mr. Dimon, it sure looks like he’s earned his way now, eh?!

daleyBig Guy admires his own acumen in selecting his new Chief of Staff

In other staff shake up news, Gene Sperling will  become our new Economics Czar today. Dick Cheney used to call economists “the hairdressers of the business world.”

gene sperling MrP_RodSerling 

No, Sperling, not Serling, butt he does adhere to voodoo economics.

overcome with emotion 

As far as I can determine Gene’s qualifications are having worked for Tiny Tim and serving as a consultant on The West Wing. So as you see, we’ve brought some deep talent to this important position.

Things are shaping up quite nicely around here, as we enter the historic second half of our historic first term.

joey and gibbsy No matter what, just put on your happy face