Saturday, May 22, 2010

Hemlines: They’re a lot like borders

El Mexican Presidente and el American Presidente spent much of last week trying to out do each other bashing America, er, the United States portion of it anyway.

bo felipe and harryFelipe and BO, casting little shadows on Harry who –although dead for 38 years - still has more cojones than these 2 combined 

That left the the final word on the border issue up to the Mexican and American First Ladies. They chose to do so while also making a fashion statement on hemlines. Just like women who no longer follow fashion dictates regarding proper hemline lengths, citizens need no longer heed our border dictates. Both hemline  and border rules are there more to provide guidance than to mandate adherence.

Sucking lemons on the borderline sucking lemons

Hemlines: they’re the new borders –meaningless, meandering and better off if just left to their own devises.

Hems: more of an allusion than an actual boundaryhems

Note the Mexican hem: while the southern half seems quite straight forward and well defined, the northern hem is uneven, and not very well maintained. The American hemline: the entire southern boundary appears irregular, amorphous, needs to be pinned down.

El Presidente’s Busy, Busy Week

Lady M’s been down with the vapors ever since la fiesta. If you look at this photo closely, you can probably see what caused those “vapors.”

ouchYou need to be careful where you place the containment fences 

Although,to be fair, she already seemed a little out of sorts earlier in the day:

Bring it, kiddo!having a really bad day

I’m sure she’ll feel much better when she’s able to sit up and take a little nourishment.

But Big Guy! Wow, he’s just a little Energizer bunny– we are sooo getting our money’s worth out of him. Or is that the other way around?

First, he has some comments on the financial reform bill in the rose garden. ( you already know about little Mo) He didn’t have time to take any questions from the press. (Gerard has the final word on this.)

President Barack Obama delivers remarks on Wall Street and Financial reform, Thursday, May 20, 2010, in the Rose Garden of the White House in Washington.It always looks like BO is practicing when he’s in the Rose Garden. And another thing: where are the roses?

Then off to Congress to agree with Felipe’s trashing of our immigration policy, discriminatory Arizona law and gun laws. The Dems gave him a standing O. They haven’t heard such a litany of grievances since Jesse Jackson used to hang around the Big White all the time.

Felipe CaulderoneOle’ el Presidente! Who forgot to hang the Mexican flag? 

And then, a mad dash back to the Rose Garden to sign a presidential memorandum to push for producing more fuel efficient trucks and next-generation cars, including advanced electric vehicles. 

President Barack Obama, followed by  EPA Administrator Lisa Jackson, walks from the Oval Office to the Rose Garden of the White House in Washington, Friday, May 21, 2010, to sign a Presidential Memorandum outlining the next steps for cleaner and more efficient vehicles.

Big Guy showing a staffer his famous Walter Brennan (RIP) walk

We have to hurry, because the way that oil is gushing into the Gulf, we’re going to run out by the end of the year – the CBO just completed the calculation. So we need to pass Cap and Tax by Friday.

Or Al Gore might have to find a new gig, and we’ll all have to suffer through a long, hot summer.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Moles, Polls and Controlled Fat Rolls

I am getting tired of talking about the huge Mexican fiesta. But this was truly the party that refuses to end. Hopefully, this is the final wrap up.

First, just a side note on the menu. Did you see this? Apparently one of Ricky’s moles had super-survivor instincts and managed to elude the blender. He made a dash for it yesterday – right in front of  Big Guy while  he was pre-celebrating the passing of his Financial Reform bill. Polls indicate this will be a big hit with Main Street.

image Mole runs past Big Guy in the Rose Garden while he’s  yammering about the Wall Street mess.


The little guy, on the move. Note the lack of a long tail, and the decidedly hefty build: apparently he grabbed a snack in the kitchen before going missing.

The press corpse were still arguing about whether it was a mouse, a rat, a mole or a vole. And while a rat would have been the “best answer” given the topic under discussion –Wall Street - I assure you it was one of Ricky’s moles. I actually saw the little guy escape when he caught wind of what was going on in that blender. Under the circumstances, I guess he figured his chances were better with the the reporters than with Ricky, the mad mixologist. I can’t blame the little guy, and he was right: among the chattering classes, he’s just one of many rodents. As long as he stays under the radar, he should be fine.

Speaking of the fiesta – and this will be the last word on it – I have a little more information on the shimmery blue gown Lady M wore. Mr. Soronen was raised in a Detroit suburb, and the Detroit Free Press got this scoop about Lady M’s gown from Peter himself:

“This one has a fully boned corset, a silver belt and layers of chiffon — with a bit of lame that Soronen said gives it that little bit of sparkle.”

U.S. First lady Michelle Obama (R) and first lady of Mexico Margarita Zavala are seen wearing blue and purple evening gowns as they head into the formal state dinner in honor of Mexico's President Felipe Calderon at the White House in Washington May 19, 2010.

Well, at least now we know what happened to Tillikum, the killer whale.

I’m exhausted. I hope I can power down for a few hours.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Mole! (continued)

Smootie runs a much, much tighter ship than Desi ever did. Which is probably why the 2000 illegal immigrants gathered at the front gate last night were not allowed in for the Mexican Fiesta.  For starters, she was hanging with the enforcers instead of the celebrity guests. Desi never liked being photographed with the hired help.

usher stephen rochon and smootie Smootie and Chief Usher Stephen Rochon

Desiree Rogers.jpgDesi with designer Donna Karan

…and the ever chic and important Anna Wintour

So when Smootie  and Stephen demanded that all  the people wearing “La Raza” name tags show them their papers, they  dispersed rather quickly.

But we did have real stars at our state gala, Mexican ones too: Mexican actress Ana Claudia Talancon arrives for the state dinner hosted by U.S. President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama for the President of Mexico Felipe Calderon and his wife Margarita Zavala at the White House in Washington May 19, 2010.Mexican television personality Giselle Fernandez arrives for a state dinner hosted by U.S. President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama for the President of Mexico Felipe Calderon and his wife Margarita Zavala at the White House in Washington May 19, 2010.

Ana Claudia Talancon, Giselle Fernandez, Mexican Tee Vee stars

As you already know, we had moles for dinner, but also lots of fresh vegs from the organic garden out back. In addition to the herbs, radishes and lettuces we also used the first hatch of the butterflies from Lady M’s butterfly garden to decorate the entertainment pavilion.

Lady M's first harvest from her butterfly garden Monarch (what else?) butterflies suspended from the canopy

And by all accounts the moles were a big hit! I suppose it didn’t hurt that they were served as a sauce (the blender, remember?) with Wagyu beef steaks. Lady M ordered hers with extra beef, sauce on the side. I think she enjoyed it, but she just pushed the beans – green and black – around on the plate.

Beyonce performed with her new blonde (!) hair and ruby red lips. She wore the only gown more sparkly than Lady M’s, but it was OK because she cleared it first with the Big White. Although, if we’d known about the blonde hair, I’m not sure it would have passed muster.

Beyonce: White Hot in the White House!Beyonce, on her way to the Monarch festival at Big White


And good news! Everyone who got in last night had their papers in order. The only possible teensie-tiny misstep might have been with Eva Longoria. She did not get pre-approval to show up in that one-shouldered red gown, and as you can see, the inevitable comparisons will be made. But that’s unfair: I hear that Eva has store-bought hooters.

one armed noone armed yes


Just for future reference, the recycled blue-tarp lampshade gown might have been a little “over constructed” on the top. It actually looks rather painful – but that’s the price you pay to be a fashion icon.

On the Borderline

More on our mole dinner in a bit, but first I think you should know about the rest of the Mexican festivities yesterday.

First, the duo-presidentes Americano met in the Rose Garden to express their mutual disdain for selfish Americans who insist on border enforcement. Our duo presidentes prefer to think of the border between our two countries as a conceptual boundary or a recommended guideline.duo presidentesThe matching candy-asses striped ties. The harsh words came later, but not fluently for Big Guy. Without TOTUS, he would have done better if he had spoken in Spanish and let the translator handle the English part.

Calderone was perfectly clear: he doesn’t want us to “criminalize migration,” Big Guy just wants us all to get along.

felipe Calderon  Turning their back on US.

John Edwards was right: there are two Americas. And one of them is apparently discriminatory. The other one is the victim.

The duo first ladies also had an event filled morning at grade school: Sorry Mexico: our FLOTUS seems to be pulling you first lady into her elliptical orbit. Resistance is futile.

US First Lady Michelle Obama (3rd-R) First and Mexican First Lady Margarita Zavala Calderon (2nd-L) take part in gym class during their New Hampshire Elementary School in Silver Spring, Maryland on May 19, 2010.Lady M attracts all smaller bodies as she circles the room as a human super-collider

After one 2nd grader told MO “my Mom doesn’t have papers” (kids say the darndest things, don’t they?) Lady M recovers by showing her how to make herself look really big and threatening if approached by an Arizona State Trooper by doing her world famous Popeye impersonation. The little girl on the left calls a time out before things get ugly(er).

skittles Photo via KA-CHING!

And now, back to our hugely successful mole dinner.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Potty Break Posting

Ok, I’ve got to hurry, because Lady M will be back from “powdering her nose” in just a second. Butt it gives me time to upload some reflections from my HD that I’m sure you want to see.

First, Madame, The Butt Shot You Requested:

mo buttI’ll, explain the “tail thingy” tomorrow.

what do i smell Frijoles?

pair of girls Margarita displays the Mexican girls

deflated Well, the “tail thingy” failed and the girls deflated

clumsy bitchSmooty’s new First Family Intro:

“Here Come The Os, Here Come The Os” 

don't look at those girls again“Look at those girls again, and this won’t be the only ball you’ll be missing” 

miming a chair “Guests with Lawn Seating, will find this more comfortable than the wet grass”

Oh my, gotta go . . . bye

Woolly Blue Curls

Welcome JWF readers! And thanks to JWF for the link.


I’m really going to be too busy to live-blog, but I just had to send you this! Suzette – you got your wish! Pinned on hair – and poodle curly! And a gorgeous blue gown! But it’s not from Louis, Peter Soronen instead. He’s known in the trade as “Iron Man,” I think you’ll see why.

We look like a fairy princess! I’m pulling yeoman’s duty tonight - well, me and the Spanx.

More in the morning…

blue gown


tonight’s inspiration: woolly blue curls, a lovely woodland flower image

Stars, Quarks, Black Holes and A Full Moon

The guest list  for our Mexican Taco Night was just released to the press. Dr. Stephen Chu is coming, which explains why we had to quickly drop Jonathan Katz, the astrophysicist, from the Energy Department’s task force to fix the oil leak in the Gulf. Big Guy didn’t want the conversation preoccupied with Dr.Chu explaining why we have a homophobe working on the oil slick.

And here’s your star gazer alert: watch for George Lopez, Eva Longoria-Parker, Whoopi Goldberg, New York Jets Mark Sanchez and D'Brickashaw Ferguson, Olympic gold medal winner Shani Davis and also, Gayle King, a returning guest from the last state dinner. The Oprah’s going to be upset.

Oh, and Hillary isn’t bringing Bill: “previous engagement,” ha, ha, ha!

Gotta run, Smootie has to figure out where best to position me so I can reflect  any possible imposters AND make Lady M’s butt look small – without going overboard and making it too obvious.


photo compliments of Gerard’s KA-CHING! Blame him for ruining the cocktail hour.

Commencement Speech and Containment Fence

While we’re busy here at the Big White getting ready for our big State Dinner (putting up the electric fences and the yard tents, taking about 1 trillion calories out of Chef Bayless’ authentic Mexican cuisine and making sure that our guest list doesn’t include Desi) just a quick reflection on last weekend’s commencement address at George Washington University:

georgetown grads

“You guys, you should be so proud of yourselves and your incredible accomplishments…”

Actually, most of them haven’t really accomplished much yet, other than graduating from college. Which isn’t as hard as it used to be, it just costs more.

"You have fully joined a generation of activists and doers. And when you think about how your generation has come of age, that's pretty astounding. I mean, you all have seen so much. Just since you were in middle school, you've witnessed terrorism touch our soil, you've seen the cost of war reach into our communities. You've watched unimaginable devastation and suffering in the aftermath of a tsunami; a hurricane; an earthquake. You've felt the wrath of a recession that's changed your towns and even your families."

“Now, that's a whole lot to bear for any generation. So, no one would have blamed you had you chosen to hunker down and turn inward; if you had simply focused on making sure that your own lives were secure.”

 War, hurricanes, earthquakes, recession. Yeah, no one’s ever had to live through any of that before. You’re really special!

See, we live in a culture, after all, that tells us that our lives should be easy; that we can have everything we want without a whole lot of effort.

At least that’s how it worked out for Barack and me.

And blah, blah, blah. If you’ve heard one commencement address by the first couple, you’ve pretty much heard them all.

gw teleprompters

In other morning news, everyone’s speculating on who Lady M will wear tonight for the State Dinner honoring Mexico’s president and first lady. The smart money seems to be on Mexican-American designer Louis Verdad, born in Chicago. This is based on the fact that MO chose Indian-American born designer Naeem Khan for the first state dinner in honor of the Indian Prime Minister.

mexico-fashion-2009-10-22-1-10-53 Louis’ gals in Mexico City, and the models displaying them

It figures doesn’t it? A woman who can’t figure out how to match her shoes with her outfits, finds a way to match her clothes to her cuisine. *sigh* It’s going to be a long day.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Big Food, Big Prints

My, don’t we look happy to be here today?

First lady Michelle Obama stands in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building on the White House campus in Washington, Monday, May 17, 2010. The first lady announced a new agreement between the Partnership for a Healthier America  and Healthy Weight Commitment Foundation (HWCF) in support of the 'Let's Move!' childhood obesity campaign.

The occasion was yesterday’s  announcement of how Lady M single handedly got the Healthy Weight Commitment Foundation, a group comprised of Big Food retailers and trade associations, to pledge to remove 1.5 trillion calories from their products by the end of 2015. I know it sounds like I must have made that number up, but no – honest! That’s what they pledged! And the impartial Congressional Budget Office (CBO) did all the calculations based on the data the trade associations gave them, so you know they’re good.

But I should remind everyone: this is Washington.The only place you’ll find more pledging is on college campuses. Big Guy likes to make pledges too:  no new middle class taxes, to create or save 4 million jobs, to close Guantanamo, to cut the deficit in half, to not cut NASA funding and to deliver Obamacare to everyone for less than – what? -  500 trillion dollars a year? Pledges around here are more a matter of sound bites, wishful thinking and semi-good intentions. D.C. is not known as the road to Hell for naught.

Anyway, you can tell that this is a serious initiative because the Healthy Weight Commitment Foundation – which didn’t even exist before Lady M invented the “Let’s Move those Children’s Fat Behinds” – has its own official acronym (HWCF). Now it’s status is on par with the CBO.

US First Lady Michelle Obama speaks during an event related to Obama's Let's Move! Campaign during an event in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building adjacent to the White House in Washington, DC, May 17, 2010. Obama announced that the Partnership for a Healthier America has reached an agreement with Healthy Weight Commitment Foundation members to reduce product calories by 1.5 trillion by the end of 2015, and 1 trillion by 2012.Am I on drugs or something? Why am I wearing this Moschino bed spread? Why can’t I move my eyebrows?

Is it just me, or is anyone else growing tired of these vintage prints?

 purple Marimekko  shower curtain prints

1980's Betsy Johnson 1980’s vintage print

UPDATE: Primer Fiesta Mexicano Histórico

Big thanks to Fausta for title update. Now I have to go get a language pack update.

Thanks, Fausta!

Hola! It’s time for our first historic Mexican Fiesta! Our 2 previous Cinco de Mayo parties don’t count, because 1) it’s not a real Mexican holiday, and 2) the only real Mexicans in attendance were serving nachos. I can’t tell you too much about it yet because we’re keeping the details “debajo de nuestros sombreros,” if you know what I’m saying. And let’s face it, by now you should.

We’ll be honoring Mexican President Philipe “Speedy” Calderon and his lovely wife, Margarita Zavala. I am not looking forward to this. The last time we had to share the spotlight with Margi, MO was  her usual post-having –to-share-the-spotlight-with-attractive-foreign-first-lady b*%#hy self for weeks. Again, if you know what I’m saying.


And I’m afraid to think of what we will be pulling on over our Spanx this time in order to look young, cool and Mexican:



Lady M Teaching Mexican Children To Fly in case somebody actually builds that fence. 




We’ve always prided ourselves around here on our “controlled-leak” skills. I’m sure I don’t have to remind you how hard that was with Desi “The Sieve” in the loop, but with Smooty here, that’s all changed. The Smoot would be a great spy, because you can’t get a thing out of her. Either that, or MO just never tells her anything.

Party gals copy

Reinas del Partido: Desi y Smooty

Now we are a tight lipped ship. Even the usual “in the know” media sources like The Hill was in the dark. I bet they miss Desi:

A spokeswoman for the White House social secretary's office (that’s Smooty) had even less to say about the upcoming state dinner, refusing to answer any questions about guests, invitations or entertainment.

What is known so far is that guest chef Rick Bayless will travel to Washington from Chicago in advance to prepare the meal, and that he'll use greens, herbs and radishes from the White House kitchen garden.

They could only identify one “guest”: New Mexico Gov. Guillermo Richardson. And he held a presser to announce that he will attend.

New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson's (D) staff announced Saturday that he will attend, but other than that the list is mum thus far.

gov-bill-richardson copy

I don’t know if Guillermo’s dreaming or just doing some wishful thinking, because I have the guest list on my HD and I don’t see his name.

They got the guest celebrity chef right: Chicago’s “Frontera Grill” chef/owner, Rick Bayless. Let’s see: Only famous Mexican chef in America and proprietor of one of the O’s most favorite restaurants in Chi-town - that took a lot of heavy lifting.

What is known so far is that guest chef Rick Bayless will travel to Washington from Chicago in advance to prepare the meal, and that he'll use greens, herbs and radishes from the White House kitchen garden.



Rick, I mean. Isn’t he cute? And he’s got his own show on PBS, so he’s, like, HUGE.

I’ve never been to his Grill, though the WONs “love it”, even though they both add extra “hot sauce,” which drives Ricky mad.


Maybe that’s why he was busy spilling the refried beans, first over at HuffPo :

. . .  Bayless will serve a 28-ingredient Oaxacan black mole at the state dinner . . .

Moles? For dinner? And black ones at that!?!


Eeewwww! That brings back horrible hard drive flashbacks of  the “Iron Chef” competition, (which we WON!):

Comfy Tossing Mouse Into Skillet: Mouse Escaped

Then, Ricky gets a call from the NYT, where he spills even more black beans:

He said his selection as chef for this dinner showed that he had “contributed something that the public at large wants and respects.” And he said it is significant because “when we are doing something very special it no longer has to be European or gussied-up American but from the heritage of a whole bunch of people in our country who have never been in the spotlight.”  (wow! that last part sounds like he’s channeling Lady M!)

He couldn’t resist taking a jab at French cooking, which for generations was the only cuisine appropriate for state dinners. “French chefs come to the kitchen and are amazed at how complex Mexican food is, the layering of flavors,” Mr. Bayless said. “The food speaks for itself. It’s not being whipped into submission like a French chef would do.”

Whoa, big boy! You’re only cooking for Tex-Mex night at the Big White, let’s not lose our perspective here. It’s not like you’ve been asked to do something really important like getting rid of children’s fat behinds. Or sealing the border. (I think that last one’s going to be Guillermo’s job, if he actually gets invited.)

But he did give us all one of the recipes he’ll be preparing for the big fiesta, and it’s not the one with the moles in it. It’s not even black: Green Ceviche With Cucumber.


I thought we were done with smelly raw fish after Denmark and Norway. I hope he doesn’t get upset if we have bottles of hot sauce on the table. It’s the best way to get rid of the fishy smell.

No word yet on the beverage service: I’m guessing Margaritas, Tequila shooters and Mescal. I’ll report back when I have more.

Until then, Ole!