Saturday, March 26, 2011


"The President and his team provided an update on accomplishments to date, including the full transfer of enforcement of the no-fly zone to NATO, and yesterday’s unanimous agreement among NATO allies to direct planning for NATO to assume command and control of the civilian protection component," a White House statement said.

Butt as it turns out, I guess NATO ‘R Us  isn’t in full control of the Libyan kinetic situation after all. It’s just ‘R Us for a while longer. Highlights at 11 – on Monday. That should give us enough time to figure it out. Assuming there hasn’t been any more kinetic activity between now and then.


You put your left foot in,
You put your left foot out,
You put your left foot in,
And you shake it all about.
You do the Hokey Pokey
And you turn yourself around,
That's what it's all about.

So I can’t really tell you yet whether Qaddafi is going to stay or go.

On an equally important front: we still haven’t announced the lucky winner of our “win a high school graduation speech by Big Guy” contest  (the results are sealed until opened by our auditors), butt Lady M’s commencement winners have been identified.

burger bump

First up: the University of North Iowa on May 7 in Cedar Falls; next, Spelman College, a historically black women’s college in Atlanta, on May 15 and then Quantico Middle High School on the Marine Corps Base in Quantico, Va. on June 3. We’ll also be going to West Point for a luncheon speech to the 2011 cadet class on May 20. I’m not sure who won the coveted slot to give this year’s West Point commencement address, butt I sure hope it doesn’t end up being Sarah Palin, because that would cause us some real problems.

Our PR department  The Office of the First Lady  said “the Quantico and West Point visits underscore Mrs. Obama's commitment to the military.” Accordingly, the Spellman visit underscores Lady M’s commitment to black women and the visit to Northern Iowa underscores her commitment to white people… and winning the 2012 election. Winning the Future, one constituency at a time. WTF.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Our Own Mid-East Crisis: Why Vogue Sucks

It’s not so much that our Latin American wine tour and trade mission was a bad idea as it was just bad timing. There’s been nothing butt trouble since we left, and even getting back to work has been trouble.

Big Guy forgot to tell the housekeeper that he was coming back a tad early and got locked out of the office.

Screenshot Studio capture #033 Here’s looking at you, kid.

It could happen to any body. We are just thankful that there weren’t any cops around, acting stupidly.

Then, when he did finally get inside, there was a harsh letter from Speaker Boehner waiting, demanding to know what our intentions and plans are for Libya. 

Big Guy couldn’t respond immediately because his secretary hasn’t really told him yet. So far, it looks like all we have in hand is a coalition of the unwilling led by the reluctant against the unmovable. Which is why we’re now trying to hand it off to NATO. Unfortunately NATO ‘R Us. Except for a bunch of European trained musicians, chefs and chocolatiers. We really need to find someone else to hand this mess off too. Rush had a few suggestions yesterday that Big Guy followed up on, to no avail. Here, I’ll let you listen in  (shhh, don’t tell anyone! I could get in big trouble):

Red Phone 1:Cameron and Sarkozy

Paul Shanklin for Rush Limbaugh

Red Phone 2: Bill and George W

Paul Shanklin for Rush Limbaugh


As you can tell, we’re still efforting that transition.

Meanwhile, peace is breaking out everywhere in the Middle East. As of this morning it looks like we’re going to get to participate in Yemen's liberation too, even as Secretary of Defense Gates is putting Syria on notice that they might be our next target of “kinetic military action,” BTW, we’re renaming it again: “military peace dividend” - a term that tested much more positively.

Butt here’s the scoop of the day: the real reason Syria’s Basha al-Assad must go. As is often the case in these clandestine operations, what you see is just the shadow. Case in point: Syria is not so much about getting rid of dictator Basha al-Assad, it’s about getting rid of his wife, Asma al-Assad.

That’s right, BFF Anna Wintour proved herself to be just another two-faced b**ch,

main_2233 Double agent Anna

telling us to our face “oh Mee-chelle, you look sooooo mahvelous” and so on, and even telling the WSJ Magazine

we have a beautiful and brilliant First Lady who loves clothes and enjoys them, and she is going to send that message to women all over America -- they can wear beautiful clothes and still be taken seriously.”

leaving rio Beautiful clothes, being taken seriously

And then she turns around and, behind our back, names Asma al-Assad  the hottest, smartest First Lady in the world earlier this month.

al-Assad-wife-in-Vogue-blog Asma al-Assad

Honestly, it was disgusting: I’ve never seen such a puff piece! Here are a few extracts from the article. Just look at the drivel they wrote about her!

Asma al-Assad is glamorous, young, and very chic—the freshest and most magnetic of first ladies. Her style is not the couture-and-bling dazzle of Middle Eastern power but a deliberate lack of adornment…

The first impression of Asma al-Assad is movement—a determined swath cut through space with a flash of red soles. Dark-brown eyes, wavy chin-length brown hair, long neck, an energetic grace. No watch, no jewelry apart from Chanel agates around her neck, not even a wedding ring, but fingernails lacquered a dark blue-green. She’s breezy, conspiratorial, and fun.

The 35-year-old first lady’s central mission is to change the mind-set of six million Syrians under eighteen… “It’s about everyone taking shared responsibility in moving this country forward, about empowerment in a civil society.”

Her accent is English but not plummy. Despite what must be a killer IQ, she sometimes uses urban shorthand: “I was, like. . . .”

Asma al-Assad empties a box of fondue mix into a saucepan for lunch.

So let me get this straight; her claim to fame is that she does NOT wear jewelry? And talks like a Valley girl? And she does her own cooking? Fondue out of a box? Please. Let me ask you this: does she grow her own organic vegetables? I think not.

The household is run on wildly democratic principles. “We all vote on what we want, and where,” she says. The chandelier over the dining table is made of cut-up comic books. “They outvoted us three to two on that.”

al-assad family Bashar, just a guy in the neighborhood

Not a mention of fact that the comic book chandelier is the sum total of “democracy” in the land of Syria. Not a peep about her husbands dictatorial tendencies, his human rights violations, his imperial behavior. Oh no - just the journalistic equivalent of a tryst with these two pretenders. Disgusting.

Honestly, is it any surprise the entire Middle East is going up in smoke? I sure hope people are paying attention.

Beware the Media-Won World Order conspiracy.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Yes we Can-Can by Granny Jan-Jan

Well, really, need I say more?

Granny Jan nailed our Latin American Wine Tour, and is deserving of her very own post, don’t you think?

Go Granny, go!

Historic! Unprecedented! Robust!

First, the HISTORIC:

We made history! Twice this month! As originally brought to your attention by Bijou, we were close to breaking through the 400 comment on one post record as of yesterday. Due to the unprecedented effort on the part of so many of you, (special shoutout to Injainjuneer and Jules, whose encouragement and comments threw us over the top) we did it!

Butt not only that –  last week we blew through the million hit barrier on my little blog! That’s right! We joined the MILLIONAIRE’s club! No, no kroners, butt maybe we’ll get a medal or something.

As Madame de Farge pointed out, we are now, officially, too big to fail!


Now plug in your headphones, crank up the volume, and raise the roof, because - MOLs, MODs, MYLs, MYDs and FOMs,


Butt enough about me. On to the UNPRECEDENTED Won:

“President Obama defended his Nobel Peace Prize on Tuesday, saying that Americans “don’t see any contradiction” in him ordering an attack on Libya to make sure “people aren’t butchered because of a dictator who wants to cling to power.”

So, now I’m wondering, why didn’t George W. Bush get a Nobel Peace Prize? I can only conclude it was due to racism.

BO continues:

“So I am accustomed to this contradiction of being both a commander-in-chief but also someone who aspires to peace.”

Unlike those R-words, who aspire to war. For oil. Or Halliburton. Or something.

Oh wait, here’s the nuance We’ve Been Waiting For:

we’re not invading a country, we’re not acting alone – we’re acting under a mandate issued by the United Nations Security Council in an unprecedented fashion and with unprecedented speed.”


Got that? It’s not a “war” it’s a “mandate.” And we weren’t indecisive, disengaged or waffling; we were just waiting for the One World Order mandate. And once we received it from the OWO Security Council, we acted with unprecedented speed. Robustly.

“Unprecedented speed.” I thought that was a bad thing, “speed,”  I mean. We sure don’t want to look like a cowboy going all kinetic or something, do we?

And now to wrap up with the ROBUST: no, unfortunately, not the economy. Rather, we’re going to now have a robust debate over the war kinetic military action in Libya. Speaker Boehner has sent Big Guy a harsh letter, saying, among other things:

"It is my hope that you will provide the American people and Congress a clear and robust assessment of the scope, objective, and purpose of our mission in Libya and how it will be achieved,"

Rather like shutting the gate after the camel got out, if you ask me, but we do like kinetic action in Washington. Any way, Big Guy’s secretary is coming back to D.C. to explain this camel to Congress.

Finally, just because I owe my “to big to fail” status to all of you, I wanted to give you an optic of our return to the USA from our Latin American wine tour. I like to call this one “the great tablecloth heist.” With matching napkins.


…and note, we’re wearing our new tan spankles too.


Thanks again every one, for making me a millionaire!

The Whole World Celebrates With Us!!!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

WTF with a Wine Tour of Latin America

Welcome Mommy Life Blogsters!

Who says we’re not hot?

shawlplease 3069973005_dffd70d36d_m


Wine dinner at Casa Presidential

We saved our best look for last: the party with the El Salvadoran President Mauricio Funes and first lady Vanda Pignato at the Casa Presidential.

Butt what a bummer; we’re going to have to skip the Mayan ruins in order to return to our own in D.C.. Apparently no amount of effort on the part of his aides and the MSM to portray Big Guy as fully engaged in the deployment of missiles and warplanes in North Africa while partying  “bridge-building with Latin American leaders” could obliterate the unfortunate juxtaposition of “war and party” imagery.

Yesterday we tried real hard to make the trip seem important. Photo ops included Lady M doing good works at a local women’s center:

halter Hot halter for painting, and Jason Wu for unveiling a plaque!


and Big Guy spent the day in search of his inner Christianity:

christianO tomb of Archbishop Oscar Romero


       Fun with halo imagery

Meanwhile back home, driven by right wing radio, people are growing upset that we’ve entered a war run by a Franco-political steering committee. It hasn’t helped any that our Secretary of State doesn’t seem to be on the same page as Big Guy when it comes to the “mission.”  And our “coalition” seems to be unraveling faster than our economic “recovery.”  To make matters worse, Big Guy’s secretary is being portrayed as the won with stones: the architect of our humungus, historic coalition. How about you just  make a pot of coffee, bi**h!

Germany announced they’re out if NATO isn’t running the show (they aren’t), Italy is threatening to ban coalition planes from taking off from Italian bases (they are both afraid now that Gaddafi will remain in power and cut off their oil supply). Turkey is out, just because; and the  Arab League – who was for the invasion before they were against it – are waffling as badly as we are. It’s beginning to look like the French – who rely on Libya’s oil as much as Germany and Italy – have conned us into bailing their butts out yet again.

The frogs have learned how to speak tough and rely on our big stick, while we now speak softly and don’t know exactly who the hell is in control of our big stick.

I don’t pretend to be a Military History scholar, butt I do know one thing: ill-conceived plans never end well. And plans developed by a  committee,


and sold to the leader of the free world

wine tour diplomacy2 

while on a wine tour of South America has all the ear marks of an ill-conceived plan.



    cecelia making o's comfortable


googlyeyes  wine tour 

 wt5  contemplativewtf


Linked By: Mommy Life, Thanks Barbara!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Stemless at the Stern

Welcome Mommy Life Blogsters!

We didn’t wear our dress of many colored stripes very long, butt it made quite an impression in the fashion world none-the-less. Everyone’s been talking about the Marc by Marc Jacobs Simone stripe dress, wondering what his inspiration for this creation might have been.


I think it may have been all the colorful flags decorating the background of Big Guy’s speech.


Others suspect it was more likely the umbrellas seen on local beaches




Others see shades of circus tents,



Or even quaint awnings

CC2097    may09vintage2_sm    605543_ratio4x3_width180

Still others were reminded of a shower curtains,realestate_msn_com


a hot air balloon,


or a tablecloth


Anything butt a frock. A little too avant-guarde for fly-over, I fear. 

So we decided to go with something more…monotone for our official welcoming ceremony in Chile (she-lay). Along with the Febrezed hair and fresh makeup, we were feeling better when we landed in Santiago.


Our arrival frock was lovely, lacey and blue. And up close appeared to be hand crochet lace.

is this crochet

I can’t say for sure, what do you think?

Screenshot Studio capture #032

It looks pretty similar to me.

And if we like it, there seem to be a lot of other options available from this fashion forward designer line that Lady M could really rock.


       DollYellowCrochet_Dresses_018             SONY DSC            SgCLW9f5ahrDNAbLi8dZEwsKEotScxgySkoKrPT18yp1M3MT01ON9FJLiiv1kvNz9TNz4tNKc3IqQISekYGZoaWFhYWZXlZBOgMDAA__             everybodieshappy crochet   20090407_mobamaoutfits_090223_1%20-%2032

Things really started to look up for the evening party at La Moneda Palace. Since it was a State Dinner, we went all out: hair, nails, makeup and wardrobe. We wore an elegant off shoulder, empire waist claret colored gown that had a certain “Josephine” feel to it. We accessorized simply with a triple strand of giant, French Roast high mountain Chilean coffee beans. Quite nice, really.


And I hate to quibble over little things, especially since Lady M went to so much trouble to look her very best last night. Butt… about the toast; both Lady M and Big Guy look like they were about to crush their glasses to smithereens.


Not to be a wine snob or anything, butt my etiquette pack says that  the proper way to hold a wine glass does NOT include any of the following examples:

iphone_216 iphone_214 iphone_217

butt rather like this:


Butt, as I said, it’s just a quibble when there are so many other fish to fry.

Bottoms up: it’s our motto.


Next time we’ll just specify the use of the  Riedel “O” glasses.

 reidelo wine glass

They’re named after the Wons, and they’re stem-less. Perfect.

 applauding Mos butt“Caption Contest”

Linked By: Mommy Life, Thanks Barbara!