Here’s everything we know so far, and everything we’re likely to know for the foreseeable future as the State Department has announced a “no further questions” policy. Not that the MSM would ask any questions likely to embarrass Big Guy anyway.
1. It’s wrong to politicize lethal attacks on our embassies if you’re running against Big Guy.
2. The best way not to politicize this is to keep calm and carry on as if nothing happened; i.e., continue to skip daily intelligence meetings and attend all previously scheduled fundraisers.
3. This “volatile situation” in the Mid-East is not a response to U.S. policy, butt rather due to a “a video – a film – that we have judged to be reprehensive and disgusting.”
4. The best way to control such a “volatile situation” is to ask YouTube/Google to take the video down. Because nothing causes “volatility” in the Middle East like free speech.
In summary then, let me make this perfectly clear: the current outbreak of violent protests in 20+ countries around the globe are not an al Qaeda led attack against U.S. policy. Rather, they’re just another spontaneous Arab Spring moment resulting from outrage over the “reprehensible and disgusting” movie made in the USA (3 words). And it is definitively NOT the fault of our dear leader who has gone out of his way to appease, apologize and absolve all Islamic supremacists of blame for our own shortcomings. If blame must be placed (and it must) for causing Islamists torching the world and fanning the flames it rightly belongs squarely at the feet of a) George W. Bush, b) a 15 minute film clip on YouTube and c) Mitt Romney.
Big Guy will address this situation in detail as soon as everyone has coordinated and rehearsed their answers and we’ve secured our reelection. So keep calm and carry on as we continue to focus like a laser on the country’s struggling economy by firing up our printing presses for another round of inflation.
Everything is under control here at Big White crisis central.
Today’s Intelligence Briefing has been cancelled due to lack of interest and aptitude.